The Real Stuff with Lucie Fink

Today’s guest is Carli, and if you’ve spent any time online lately, you may have already seen her multi-part series about going no contact with her in-laws. (I made myself stop after part six so I could hear the rest of the story fresh, right alongside you). Every part pulled in hundreds of thousands of views, and somehow this is the very first podcast she’s done about it. Carli met her husband right after she graduated high school, they got engaged three or four months later, and she married him at 18. Her mother-in-law was completely on board with the wedding, but the warmth didn’t last long once Carli became a mom. Suddenly every decision was up for debate, from her son’s three-hour bedtime routine to what went on his plate to whether he should be in therapy at all. Then came the Thanksgiving when they drove down from Idaho to Utah, arrived at the time they’d been given, and found the whole family downstairs playing games with dinner already over. What followed was a three-hour phone call, an apology that got taken back days later, and a sentence from her mother-in-law that Carli still can’t shake: that she withholds love from people she doesn’t agree with. We talk about the role their Mormon upbringing played, why it took her husband so long to see his family clearly, the spam accounts that flooded her comments after the series went viral, and the one condition they’ve set for ever speaking again. I came into this with a lot of questions, including how much of this was her husband’s responsibility to shut down, and Carli answered every one of them honestly. If you’ve ever had a hard relationship with your in-laws or your own parents, I think this one will make you feel a lot less alone. Tell me in the comments how you’ve handled family boundaries in your own life. Sponsors: Ladder: If you have an iPhone, head to https://www.ladder.fit/REALSTUFF and get a free 7-day trial with no credit card and $10 off your first month. Target: All that’s new and uniquely you. It’s in the bag. https://www.target.com Shopbob: Download the Shopbop app and use code "realstuff" for 15% off your first app purchase. Labcorp: Visit OnDemand.Labcorp.com/realstuff and use code "realstuff" to save up to 15% on select tests. Nutrafol: Visit https://www.nutrafol.com and enter promo code REALSTUFF for $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping. Watch this episode in video form on Spotify or YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story. I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone. Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod Find Lucie here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/ Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is part four of "All the Stuff I Don't Usually Talk About." (The final part of a four-part mini series!)
 If you've been following along, this is the one where I get into the mindset work behind everything else. In 2018 a life coach reached out to me, and I've worked with her nearly every week for seven years since. What began as mindset coaching turned into business strategy and then into a mix of both, and she has helped me reshape how I show up in my career and in my life.
 I'm sharing the shifts that have stuck with me the most: the mountain analogy I use when I catch myself feeling competitive with other creators, what changed once I started saying the uncomfortable thing out loud, and why so much of my disappointment in parenting comes down to expectations versus reality. I'm also talking about how I rebuilt my relationship with my workday so my weeks feel personally and creatively fulfilling, and about the financial goal I chased for six years and the surprising question that arrived the moment I hit it.
 If you liked this series, let me know in the comments, and send me any ideas you have for future mini series! Sponsors: Cotton: Cotton: Learn more at https:/www.TheFabricOfOurLives.com Talkspace: Get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 at https://www.Talkspace.com Target: All that’s new and uniquely you. It’s in the bag. https://www.target.com Shopbob: Download the Shopbop app and use code "realstuff" for 15% off your first app purchase. Watch this episode in video form on Spotify or YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story. I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone. Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod Find Lucie here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/ Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are parts of my influencer life I've never really talked about publicly... until now. Welcome to part three of my four-part mini series, "All the Stuff I Don't Usually Talk About." You might feel like you know everything about my life, but what you see is only a tiny fraction of it. In this episode I'm pulling back the curtain on the creator side of things: how one of my recent vlogs was pieced together from just a few seconds of filming each day, and why I've always chosen to curate what I share. I'm also getting into how I came into this career (I never set out to be an influencer), why I'd keep making things whether I had ten followers or ten million, and why I believe audience size and business success are two very different things. I'm sharing why I think more followers can actually make your life worse, what it's like when your neighbors and the people in your town already follow you (including a playground story that's hilarious in hindsight), and my honest take on the idea that friends who don't like your posts aren't really your friends. If you've ever been curious what this job is like from the inside, this one is for you. Come back next week for part four, all about mindset shifts! Sponsors: Shopbob: Download the Shopbop app and use code "realstuff" for 15% off your first app purchase. Cotton: Learn more at TheFabricOfOurLives.com Labcorp OnDemand: Visit https://www.OnDemand.Labcorp.com/realstuff and use code "realstuff" to save up to 15% on select tests. Watch this episode in video form on Spotify or YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story. I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone. Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod Find Lucie here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/ Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is part two of "All the Stuff I Don’t Usually Talk About." (A new, four-part mini-series). If you thought episode one was juicy, this one is just as honest; this time about parenting. I've been parenting publicly since the day Milo was born, which comes with its own strange pressure. I'm getting into the stuff I don't usually post about: catching myself reacting to my kids' friendship drama as if I'm reliving my own issues at school, the interesting parallels between Milo's sibling antics and things I used to do to my own sister thirty years ago, and the constant second-guessing that comes with deciding how many activities is too many. I'm also talking about holding Milo back from kindergarten, the milestone comparisons that come with being surrounded by other parents in a small town, and the shift Michael and I have had to make from gentle parenting to something a little more authoritative as our almost five-year-old pushes back harder than ever. I'm sharing the exact phrase that's been working on our toddler when he's snapping at us, and why I don't think there's ever really a right answer in parenting (just a lot of trying things and seeing what feels right). If you're a parent, I hope this makes you feel less alone. We are all figuring it out in real time, even the people whose lives look put together online. Come back next week for part three, all about influencer life!! Sponsors: Quince: Go to https://www.Quince.com/REALSTUFF for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Ladder: If you have an iPhone, head to https://www.ladder.fit/REALSTUFF and get a free 7-day trial with no credit card and $10 off your first month. Labcorp OnDemand: Visit https://www.OnDemand.Labcorp.com/realstuff and use code "realstuff" to save up to 15% on select tests. Watch this episode in video form on Spotify or YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story. I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone. Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod Find Lucie here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/ Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There are parts of my marriage I’ve never really talked about publicly…until now. Welcome to part one of a new four-part mini series, All the Stuff I Don’t Usually Talk About. I may share a lot of my life online, but the reality is that you’re only seeing a tiny fraction of what’s actually happening behind the scenes. In this episode, we’re starting with marriage. I’m opening up about what Michael and I actually argue about, how having kids changed our relationship, the ways our communication styles differ, and some of the traits in myself that I’ve had to confront along the way. I talk about my tendency to problem-solve when Michael really needs emotional support, why I’m working on becoming a better listener, my defensiveness during conflict, and some of the ways we approach parenting differently. I also share why becoming parents was the first time I truly understood what people meant when they told us “marriage is hard” — and why even after more than a decade together before having kids, we still had to learn how to navigate an entirely new version of our relationship. Michael and I have a relationship I’m incredibly grateful for, and we still have things we work through. We both go to therapy, we’ve tried couples counseling, and I’m always interested in finding ways to communicate better and continue strengthening our relationship. If you’re married, partnered, parenting together, or have ever wondered what really goes on behind the scenes of a relationship that looks solid from the outside, this one is for you. It’s vulnerable, but I think that's exactly why it's useful. Sponsors: Cotton: Learn more at https://www.TheFabricOfOurLives.com Labcorp OnDemand: Visit https://www.OnDemand.Labcorp.com/realstuff and use code "realstuff" to save up to 15% on select tests. Nutrafol: Visit https://www.nutrafol.com and enter promo code REALSTUFF for $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping. ButcherBox: Go to https://www.ButcherBox.com/realstuff for $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ground beef for life, or free chicken thighs or top sirloins in every box for a year – with free shipping always. Watch this episode in video form on Spotify or YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjmevEcbh5h5FEX0pazPEtN86t7eb2OgX To apply to be a guest on the show, visit luciefink.com/apply and send us your story. I also want to extend a special thank you to East Love for the show's theme song, Rolling Stone. Follow the show on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealstuffpod Find Lucie here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/luciebfink/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@luciebfink YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/luciebfink Website: https://luciefink.com/ Subscribe to my free newsletter "The Lucie List" here: https://thelucielist.beehiiv.com/subscribe Executive Producer: Cloud10 Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices