Call Me Stepmom

What happens to the kids who stay behind when their brothers and sisters go to their other home?This week I’m joined by Morgan Lindahl and Amanda Gonzales, the creators of How Many More Days, a children’s book written for ours babies and the weekly goodbyes they live through. Morgan is a stepmom of two and mom of three ours babies. Amanda is a child and family therapist, a bio mom who co-parents, and a former stepmom of eight years. Between the two of them, they’ve seen this from every side.We get real about:Telling your stepkids you’re pregnant (and what happens when it doesn’t go to plan)Hospital day chaos and why you need to lower your expectationsThe postpartum grief no one talks about: never getting that newborn bubble with just you and your spouseThe visible and invisible ways ours babies show grief on transition daysWhy “behavior is communication,” and how to respond when your little one melts down at drop-offListener questions: Is an ours baby worth it? And will dad love the ours baby the same?If you’ve ever cried behind your sunglasses after a handoff, this one’s for you.For more Call Me Stepmom, follow along at: Instagram | ⁠⁠@callmestepmompodcastWebsite | https://www.callmestepmompodcast.com/Pateron stepmom community | Join us Connect with Morgan & Amanda on Instagram | @forthekidswho.stayUse code BECCA10 | Click here to see their shop

You had the best day with your stepkid, laughing and finally connecting. Then the next morning, they act like you don’t even exist.If you’ve ever lain awake wondering “What did I do wrong?”, this episode is for you.Today I’m breaking down loyalty binds: what they are, why they happen even in supportive, low-conflict homes, and the sneaky ways they show up, from “You’re not my mom” to “It was fine” after a day you know they loved.We’re also talking about the part nobody says out loud: what it feels like to be a ghost in your own home, the guilt of feeling resentful toward a kid, and why your feelings deserve space too.In this episode:What a loyalty bind actually is, and why it’s not a sign your family is brokenThe signs that it might be happening in your homeWhy it hits harder when old wounds or insecurities are involved4 simple tools to use this week, without chasing or proving your worthKids don’t feel guilty about people they don’t care about. And your job isn’t to make them love you. It’s to be a safe adult they can come back to.For more Call Me Stepmom, follow along at: Instagram | ⁠⁠@callmestepmompodcastWebsite | https://www.callmestepmompodcast.com/Need people who actually get it? Join me in The Stepmom Space on Patreon for private group chats, The Stepmom Toolkit and The Stepmom Library. Founding Stepmom spots are waitlist-only, so grab yours before doors open to everyone. | Join us Get Out | www.getout.com and use code CALLMESTEPMOM

Does your teenage stepkid walk past you without saying a word, disappear into their room, give you one-word answers, or act like they couldn't care less whether you're there?And have you ever caught yourself wondering: Do they actually dislike me or is this just being a teenager?In this episode , I sit down with Dr. Todd Jensen, a professor at UNC–Chapel Hill who researches stepfamilies and family relationships, to talk about what the research actually tells us about stepmoms and teenage stepkids. We get into why teenagers may become distant, why entering a child's life when they're older can make stepfamily relationships more complicated, and why stepmoms can easily interpret normal adolescent behavior as rejection. We also talk about the reality that sometimes a close relationship simply doesn't develop and why a peaceful, respectful relationship can still be enough. Dr. Jensen breaks down what his research suggests actually helps build trust with teenage stepkids including tone, giving teens agency, timing, and allowing the relationship to develop naturally instead of forcing connection. We also talk about discipline, loyalty binds, difficult stepkids, stepmom-stepdaughter tension, the biological parent's role, and one of the biggest mistakes well-meaning stepmoms make: Taking their stepkid's resistance personally. If you've ever felt rejected, disrespected, or like a stranger in your own home because of your teenage stepkid, this conversation is for you.Connect with Dr. Todd Jensen on Instagram | @drtoddjensen  For more Call Me Stepmom, follow along at: Instagram | ⁠⁠@callmestepmompodcastWebsite | https://www.callmestepmompodcast.com/Pateron stepmom community | Join us Get Out | www.getout.com and use code CALLMESTEPMOM

What happens when you understand blended family life from both sides?This week, I’m sitting down with Amanda Keith, wife of Present Father Randy, who has the unique perspective of being both the bio mom navigating co-parenting AND the stepmom navigating a high-conflict bio mom. And trust me, we get into it. Amanda opens up about leaving her previous marriage, blending five kids, becoming a full-time bonus mom, supporting her husband through high-conflict co-parenting, and what happened when their two exes actually started communicating with each other. We also talk about the part stepmoms know all too well: how do you protect your marriage, your peace, and your relationship with your stepkids when there is constant conflict happening outside your home?Amanda shares how she separates her feelings about the other household from her stepkids’ feelings, why she refuses to speak negatively about their parents in front of them, and the lesson she keeps coming back to: be confident in who you are and stop letting the outside noise define your role. This one is for every stepmom who has ever thought, “How am I supposed to stay out of the drama when the drama keeps showing up at my front door?”Connect with Amanda on Instagram: @afinley_1  | TikTok: @amandacauthen5 | Facebook: Adam.Sandler.MomFor more Call Me Stepmom, follow along at: Instagram | ⁠⁠@callmestepmompodcastWebsite | https://www.callmestepmompodcast.com/Pateron stepmom community | Join us Get Out | www.getout.com and use code CALLMESTEPMOM

Being a stepmom can be exhausting and sometimes it’s not because of everything you’re doing. It’s because of everything you’re thinking about: the schedules, transitions, the other household, your stepkids’ feelings, your husband’s feelings and whether you should speak up or stay quiet. Whether you’re doing too much, not enough, overstepping, or somehow responsible for fixing a problem that wasn’t yours to begin with.In this solo episode, I’m talking about the invisible mental load that can come with being a stepmom and how I’ve learned to stop carrying every problem, emotion, and responsibility like it belongs to me.I’m sharing some of my own very real moments (including a laundry basket situation that had me questioning why I didn’t just speak up), the resentment that can build when we constantly put everyone else’s feelings first, and one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in almost a decade of stepmom life:Noticing something doesn’t automatically make it your responsibility to fix it.If stepmom life has been feeling mentally exhausting lately, this episode is for you.For more Call Me Stepmom, follow along at: Instagram | ⁠⁠@callmestepmompodcastWebsite | https://www.callmestepmompodcast.com/Pateron stepmom community | Join us Get Out | www.getout.com and use code CALLMESTEPMOM