The Imperfects

It’s time we talked about the mental load. Again. 💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,900+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Consider this a companion episode to our infamous, most shared episode of 2023, The Elephant in the Relationship where Hugh and Penny introduced us to their mental load, and how they were trying to make it more equal in their relationship. Today we’re sprinkling in some expertise and scientific data, as we’re joined by Professor Leah Ruppanner who explains to Hugh, Ryan and Josh that there’s actually 8 different types of mental load, and not all of them are draining. Bringing examples from their own lives, Hugh, Ryan and Josh discuss with Leah why the mental load can seem like an insurmountable amount of emotional thinking, and how partners can better communicate to reduce anxiety-like symptoms and burnout. We chat to Leah about the exacerbation of the mental load when chronic illness becomes part of the equation, and how to manage the mental load when there is no one to share it with. Chapters 00:00:00 – TRAILER 00:02:02 – The Mental Load is life changing for relationships 00:03:11 – Mental Load definition: emotional thinking work 00:05:41 – 3 characteristics of the mental load 00:08:00 – Mental Load vs Burnout: Treat Your Energy Like a Budget 00:14:19 – The Elephant in Hugh & Penny’s Relationship 00:16:50 – Type 1: Life Organisation 00:17:20 – Type 2: Emotional Support 00:18:00 – Type 3: Relationship Hygiene 00:19:03 – Type 4: Dream Building 00:20:26 – Type 5: Magic Making 00:25:00 – Type 6: Individual Upkeep 00:27:30 – Type 7: Safety 00:28:00 – Type 8: Meta Care (Doom Scrolling and the Mental Load) 00:29:56 – How to do a mental load audit with your partner 00:34:09 – Align your energy with your goals 00:36:25 – Delegating tasks vs sharing the mental load 00:38:24 – Shift work vs running the business 00:40:30 – Birthday presents and the perfect mother myth 00:41:30 – Mess: do men really not see it? 00:44:50 – Why women feel judged 00:48:41 – “Good enough is good enough” 00:54:13 – Mental load in same sex couples 00:57:07 – Why perspective + empathy matters 00:58:13 – Mental load when you’re single, or your partner won’t engage 00:59:02 – What a cancer diagnosis does for priorities 01:05:45 – A Little More Imperfects: Mental Load at Work 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Hugh & Penny - The Elephant in the Relationship - https://bit.ly/4zNi0C4 📚Things to read Drained, by Leah Ruppanner (this one has the audit in it) - https://bit.ly/47RUyI5 Motherlands, by Lead Ruppanner - https://bit.ly/3WjSCW0 Men do see the mess, study by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4dTCaSq Cognitive + Emotional Labour, research by Leah Ruppanner et al. - https://bit.ly/4eN3HFo 📺 Things to watch Inside Out - https://bit.ly/4yx5mG4 🂱 Things to do Fair Play Cards - https://bit.ly/3UFeWZK 💝 Breast Cancer Support Breast Cancer Network Australia - https://bit.ly/4igX8fj McGrath Foundation - 1800 183 338 Think Pink Foundation - https://www.thinkpink.org.au 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

In the end, Matt Nable wished his brother would give in. Motor neurone disease had taken everything, except his brother’s will to live. 💌 To join our journaling club, with 9,000+ others, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Joining us in the studio today is writer, actor, boxer, and former rugby league player, Matt Nable. Recognisable for playing infamous tough guys on screen (Arrow, Underbelly, The Dry), Matt’s experience of loss and mental ill health has starkly redefined what he believes it is to ‘be a man’. Using the analogy of a ‘double edged sword’, Matt explains his experience with bipolar and hypomania, and how those periods have lead to the best, and worst, decisions of his life. Matt is incredibly generous in sharing his experience of biological melancholia depression, and explores with Josh just how quickly everything can seem to unravel. Matt speaks about the immense grief he carries for his brother who passed away MND, and how he was able to move through this grief to find purpose and compassion. *Content Warning: today's episode includes a discussion about psilocybin. In Australia, psilocybin is a controlled substance. Outside of authorised clinical settings, its use, possession and supply are illegal. This episode is not medical advice, and we're not encouraging or endorsing illegal drug use. Psilocybin can carry serious risks, particularly when taken without professional screening and supervision. Our guest's experience is their own and won't be typical of everyone's. This episode also mentions suicide. If you're struggling with grief or your mental health, please speak with your GP or a mental health professional. 🚨If you, or someone you know, are experiencing suicidal thoughts call lifeline on 13 11 14. In an emergency, call 000. Chapters 00:00:00 – TRAILER 00:02:48 – Childhood shapes who we are 00:03:40 – What does it really mean to be tough? 00:07:38 – Why Matt doesn’t think he is a tough man 00:09:21 – Redefining Masculinity, and Rejecting the Manosphere 00:12:00 – Letting Go of Ego 00:13:34 – Losing his brother to MND 00:20:40 – A Psilocybin Retreat for Grief: Matt’s Experience 00:23:08 – Meeting his younger self 00:24:09 – Reaching Acceptance 00:28:34 – Figuring out what really matters 00:35:12 – A brother’s love: Hugh & Josh reflect 00:38:55 – Finding humour in grief 00:40:34 – A Parent’s Grief vs a Sibling’s Grief 00:41:30 – The Meaning of Matt’s Tattoos 00:42:10 – Bipolar II + Melancholic Depression Diagnosis 00:43:46 – Hypomania: The Double-Edged Sword 00:46:52 – Matt’s rise to fame 00:51:10 – Bipolar vs Depression: The Crash, Exhaustion + Regret 00:52:34 – Sitting with someone in the dark 00:54:08 – The Quicksand of Men’s Mental Health 00:56:02 – Standing on the Edge: Josh’s Story 00:58:01 – Finding Joy in the Small Moments 01:01:29 – Writing as an Anchor Point 01:07:29 – Why men need to be vulnerable 01:07:59 – Journaling Club “How would you like to be remembered?” Some other great resources are below Black Dog Institute - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au 📚Things to read Mire, by Matt Nable - https://bit.ly/4hYglT0 Other books by Matt Nable - https://bit.ly/4dI1uut 📺 Things to watch The Final Winter - https://bit.ly/4s3EYSC Things to donate to Fight MND - https://fightmnd.org.au 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. Trailer footage sourced from Mr Inbetween.

This is not your mother’s perimenopause. 💌 To join our journaling club, subscribe to my imperfect email - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Joined by guest host Zoë Foster Blake, and Dr Fatima Khan, we’re diving head first into perimenopause: the what, the why, and the how-the-f**k to deal with it. Typically beginning in your late 30’s, and in your brain of all places, perimenopause symptoms include heightened anxiety, irritability, sleep disturbances, brain fog … all things that make you feel further and further away from your best self. Beginning 5 -7 years BEFORE your last menstrual period, perimenopause can coincide with postpartum, the most important presentation of your career to date, and the uncovering of neurodivergence, which may have been painstakingly masked until this shift in hormones. With the expertise of Dr Fatima, and the lived experience of Zoë, we hope this episode makes you feel seen, less alone, and ready to have THAT conversation with your GP. Chapters 00:00:00 The Truth of Perimenopause [TRAILER] 00:01:09 The Meet Cute of Zoe Foster Blake and Dr Fatima Khan 00:06:55 Is this Perimenopause? Early Signs + Symptoms 00:07:41 Zoe’s Perimenopause Journey: No Sleep, Anxiety, Rage, Repeat. 00:09:56 Volcanic Rage, Explained 00:14:59 What Doctor’s Miss: Misdiagnosis + Antidepressants 00:15:57 Why Your Husband Is Breathing Too Loud 00:20:18 Perimenopause Mental Health Screening 00:21:25 Debunking the “You’re Too Young” Myth 00:23:43 Is it Anxiety? Depression? Perimenopause? 00:25:26 The Pill, The Mirena + The Modern Woman in Peri 00:30:44 Loosing Yourself in Peri: Brain Fog + Dementia Fears 00:32:10 The Importance of Testosterone 00:36:00 HRT Myths: Re-educating a generation 00:39:04 A Script for a Script: What to say to your GP 00:41:12 Perimenopause Is a Multi-Organ Syndrome 00:46:09 High Achieving Women + Peri = Shame 00:46:47 When Perimenopause Unmasks Your ADHD 00:54:26 Trauma Reactivation in Perimenopause 00:57:17 Pills + Skills: Why HRT Alone Isn’t Enough 00:58:41 The Longevity of It All 01:00:30 Nutrition 📚Things to read Group Chat, by Zoë Foster Blake - https://bit.ly/4efqR70 Hormone Health is Mental Health, by Dr Fatima Khan - https://bit.ly/4j6G2Ts 💻Things to check out Australasian Menopause Society - menopause.org.au Meno-D questionnaire - https://bit.ly/3Toj3sN Zela Wellbeing - https://bit.ly/4ARGFXu 🎧Imperfects episodes for MORE on hormones Zoë Foster Blake - Zero Lucks Given - https://bit.ly/4y8xwHx Dr Louise Newson - Maybe it’s Menopause - https://bit.ly/4i7xM3F Dr Louise Newson - It’s Hormones. Period. - https://bit.ly/47ya9w2 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Angie’s OCD obsessions are that she has committed her worst, most insidious, fears. 💌 Join 9,500+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ Officially diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) when she was 19, some of Angie’s earliest memories are of obsessions, compulsions and seeking reassurance. Joining us in the studio, Angie talks to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about the reality of living with OCD, how she navigates particularly bad episodes with her partner, and why she wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemy Angie explains false memories, and the lengths she has gone to seek reassurance, and finally, why it is so important to her to create something that helps people feel less alone. In amongst all of the OCD chat, Hugh asks Angie about her anti-discrimination work and the beautiful story of where that passion came from. Chapters 00:00:00 – Trailer 00:01:27 – Angie + Hugh don’t do small talk 00:03:46 – Why Angie accepted an ARIA on behalf of Sia 00:05:45 – Growing Up in Sporting Royalty 00:07:45 – Why Angie’s Brother Came Out To Her 00:10:41 – “I’m Crying Because I Could Have Helped” 00:13:21 – Why Feeling Safe To Be Yourself Matters 00:15:02 – Angie’s Moral Compass: Where Does It Come From? 00:18:17 – OCD: Obsessions, Compulsions + Reassurance 00:20:45 – OCD Stereotypes vs Reality 00:22:52 – Feeling Like A Bad Kid 00:24:52 – Why OCD Makes Your Excruciatingly Self-Aware 00:28:02 – Examples of Intrusive Thoughts 00:30:23 – Invisible Compulsions: Kissing, Hugging, Incest 00:32:19 – Relationship OCD: Constant Fear of Cheating On Your Partner 00:34:37 – OCD False Memories: How The Brain Builds ‘Evidence’ 00:36:10 – Why Reassurance Seeking Never Brings Relief 00:39:13 – What It’s Like Loving Someone With OCD 00:41:40 – What OCD Has Cost Angie: Peace, Presence + Precious Moments 00:50:08 – Why Getting The Right Treatment Was Lifechanging 00:54:52 – What Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) Actually Looks Like 00:57:02 – How To Support Someone With OCD 00:59:01 – How Angie and Her Husband Manage OCD Episodes 01:02:53 – Finding Your People Through OCD 01:05:15 – How To Respond When Someone Tells You They Have OCD 01:08:24 – Tips for Supporting Someone Who Has OCD 🧠If you, or someone you know, has been diagnosed with or thinks they may have OCD, these are some great resources. In an emergency, always call 000. OCD BOUNCE - https://ocd.org.au OCD WA - https://www.ocdwa.com.au International OCD Foundation - https://iocdf.org The Joy Thief, by Penny Moodie - https://bit.ly/3VJaKZ4 It’s Not What You Think podcast - https://bit.ly/4iZppcj LifeLine - 13 11 14 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Penny Moodie - Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) - https://bit.ly/4jxTPTd Penny Moodie’s New Book - OCD & Finding Joy Again - https://bit.ly/4rGXkJa Rick Davies - Living with OCD - https://bit.ly/4hxuLZY Issac Humphries - Coming Out On Court - https://bit.ly/3VZDHQA 💻Things to check out Andrea Wallace’s Website - https://wonderpsychology.com Angie Greene’s Website - angiegreene.com.au 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.

Mid 20's and $250,000 in debt. Gripped by a gambling addiction. How do you recover? 💌 Join 9,500+ others in our newsletter community - https://www.theimperfects.com.au/sign-up-to-our-newsletter/ From the outside, it looked like Luke Bateman was living the dream: a professional NRL career with ludicrous pay checks and sponsorship deals. On the inside, Luke was battling a crippling gambling addiction, deepening depression and a widening chasm between the character he was playing, and his true authentic self. With immense courage, honesty and vulnerability, Luke takes Hugh, Ryan and Josh through the ups and downs of his recovery journey. Luke unpicks the difference between unconditional love and conditional help from his parents, and why his time in rehab was the best thing that ever happened to him. Luke speaks about how his journey with addiction impacted his relationship with his mum, and the gratitude he feels for her now, and how learning about internal family systems changed his life forever. Luke, you are such a beautiful person. Thank you for joining us today. This episode discusses gambling addiction and suicidal ideation. Please take care when listening. This episode is part of the BE HOPE Podcast Takeover, bringing podcasts around the world together to explore the themes of hope and how we can continue to make progress in a rapidly changing world - https://globalgoals.org/behope/ 🚨If you, or someone you know is struggling with a gambling addiction Call LifeLine - 13 11 14 Register at BetStop - betstop.gov.au Gamblers Anonymous - https://bit.ly/3TJ1C6d Gambling Help Online - gamblinghelponline.org.au In an emergency, always call 000 🩵To hear our chat with Luke about The Manosphere and to join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - patreon.com/theimperfects 0:00 – Trailer: $250K of Gambling Debt 1:26 – Be Hope Podcast Takeover Announcement 4:15 – Luke Bateman doesn’t fit in a box 6:06 – Growing up ‘soft’ in Rural Queensland 10:03 – Hiding Books from the Boys 17:11 – The Shame of Reading 19:22 – Chasing a Dream to Fill the Void 22:26 – Money, Drugs & Alcohol in Professional Sport 27:40 – Lies, Debt & Betting Company ‘VIP’ Treatment 30:26 – Should Gambling Sponsorship Be Banned? 31:11 – Rock Bottom 33:18 – The Phone Call That Saved His Life 39:45 – Rehab, Recovery + Relinquishing Control 43:40 – Inside Rehab “Get a Real Addiction” 47:21 – Recovery Is Not Linear 50:21 – Internal Family Systems: Healing the exiled child 56:05 – Generational Masculinity: Why Men Struggle to Connect 58:19 – Denial + Corporate Greed 1:03:13 – Luke’s Honesty Policy 1:06:08 – Unconditional Love vs Conditional Help 1:10:18 – Sharing Shame with Teammates 1:11:37 – Luke’s Message to Anyone Struggling Right Now 1:13:03 – Finding Your Way Back 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Jack’s Gambling Addiction Story - https://bit.ly/4hFQmk1 📚Things to read The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane, by Kate DiCamillo - https://bit.ly/46FkS7v Keys to the Kingdom, by Garth Nix - https://bit.ly/4AnBxKB The Midnight Library, by Matt Haig - https://bit.ly/4d2Ozmx No Bad Parts, by Richard C Scharwtz - https://bit.ly/46FSGkU You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For, by Richard C Schwartz - https://bit.ly/3Tp0gx8 🎧Things to listen to In The Good Books with Luke Bateman I Matt Haig: Writing What You Need to Hear - https://bit.ly/4jjvBvK 📱Things to check out Luke’s Instagram (and his thoughts on male silence) - https://bit.ly/46AnIuy 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - theimperfects.com.au/shop 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.