A Codependent Mind
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Get an intimate, honest look at how codependency can develop and how it can be overcome. Brian and Stephanie take you ’behind the scenes’ of their experiences and their relationship, lifting the veil on how codependent behaviors can cause life long pain and suffering if not addressed. Learn how Brian has been able to understand the web of behaviors that formed his codependency and move on to build healthier relationships.
Season one explores the origins of Brian’s codependent behaviors and the connection between Codependency and trauma. In addition to answering the question ”what is codependency?”, episodes on trauma bonding, narcissism, shame detail out how behaviors emerging from his childhood interpersonal trauma prevented him from developing healthy relationships as he grew into adulthood. In fact, they left him vulnerable to other disordered people like narcissists thereby exposing him to more trauma and entrenching the codependent habits even further.
In season two, we outline how Brian went about healing the trauma the formed the root of his codependency. We discuss how Brian was able to recognize the abuse he had suffered and was suffering and in doing so, finally get clarity about and distance from his relationships with narcissist; how he was able to learn how to sit with his emotions, recognize what they were, where they came from and how to process them; how he had to re-write the stories about himself and his past that weren’t serving him and were actually preventing him from living an authentic, integrated life; and how he worked, and is working, to break the codependent habits that were destructive to his well being and not conducive to forming healthy, integrated relationships.
Even after understanding and healing from codependency, Brian is still left with re-learning how to navigate relationships in a way that produces the kind of intimate, nurturing connections that he has always longed for. Season three addresses topics that come up in that process.
In the fourth season, we investigate core concepts about relationships and the ways in which codependent behaviors can make it difficult to form and sustain loving, intimate relationships.
Season 5 brings other voices into the conversations as we speak with guests who share their own ’making and re-making’ stories. We also take the opportunity to do an updated episode on narcissism.
Season 6 was a reading of the book ”The Making and the Re-Making of A Codependent Mind.” The book is available on Amazon as a paperback, ebook or audiobook. The audiobook is also available on Spotify and other platforms.
For season 7, each episode will focus on the tools needed to make a relationship work post-codependency.
Season one explores the origins of Brian’s codependent behaviors and the connection between Codependency and trauma. In addition to answering the question ”what is codependency?”, episodes on trauma bonding, narcissism, shame detail out how behaviors emerging from his childhood interpersonal trauma prevented him from developing healthy relationships as he grew into adulthood. In fact, they left him vulnerable to other disordered people like narcissists thereby exposing him to more trauma and entrenching the codependent habits even further.
In season two, we outline how Brian went about healing the trauma the formed the root of his codependency. We discuss how Brian was able to recognize the abuse he had suffered and was suffering and in doing so, finally get clarity about and distance from his relationships with narcissist; how he was able to learn how to sit with his emotions, recognize what they were, where they came from and how to process them; how he had to re-write the stories about himself and his past that weren’t serving him and were actually preventing him from living an authentic, integrated life; and how he worked, and is working, to break the codependent habits that were destructive to his well being and not conducive to forming healthy, integrated relationships.
Even after understanding and healing from codependency, Brian is still left with re-learning how to navigate relationships in a way that produces the kind of intimate, nurturing connections that he has always longed for. Season three addresses topics that come up in that process.
In the fourth season, we investigate core concepts about relationships and the ways in which codependent behaviors can make it difficult to form and sustain loving, intimate relationships.
Season 5 brings other voices into the conversations as we speak with guests who share their own ’making and re-making’ stories. We also take the opportunity to do an updated episode on narcissism.
Season 6 was a reading of the book ”The Making and the Re-Making of A Codependent Mind.” The book is available on Amazon as a paperback, ebook or audiobook. The audiobook is also available on Spotify and other platforms.
For season 7, each episode will focus on the tools needed to make a relationship work post-codependency.
79 Episodes
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Rooting out codependency involves going back to the source, to where the codependent habits and behaviors first formed. This is a clip from Season 3, episode 5 where Brian discusses the effect his dad's anger had on him as a child.
The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
1What is codependency? And from where do codependent behaviors emerge? Every 'codependent' has an origin story. This is Brian's.
The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
Our new book is available in paperback, eBook and audiobook format! You, Me & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder (Anxious/Avoidant Attachment, Codependency, BPD) to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6KCKNT
* We have learned a lot as we have done this podcast. One thing Brian realized is that he underestimated the impact his parent's behaviors, particularly his father's, had on him. We talk about his father a little in the next episode on Trauma, but if you want to hear his updated thinking on the topic, you can listen to Season 3, episode 5, Beyond Codependency - Family of Origin
In this episode:
00:01:41 What is codependency?
00:04:47 History of the word
00:08:01 Codependency as maladaptive behavior habits
00:09:49 Origins of Brian’s codependent behavior habits
00:25:44 The specific behaviors that form ’codependency’
Thank you for liking or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.
Find us on Instagram @codependentmind
Email: [email protected]
Often codependence behaviors emerge as a response to trauma. What is trauma? How is it different then other stressful, even violent, events? What is it like to live with unhealed trauma? This is Brian's story.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode:
00:00:55 What is trauma?
00:02:38 Working definition of trauma
00:05:01 Chronic or complex trauma
00:06:10 Family dynamics
00:09:21 The lasting effects of trauma
00:12:24 Codependent behaviors as trauma responses
00:16:03 Trauma and helplessness
00:18:17 Trauma triggers
00:22:55 Interpersonal trauma
* We have learned a lot as we have done this podcast. One thing Brian realized is that he underestimated the impact his parent's behaviors, particularly his father's, had on him. If you want to hear his updated thinking on the topic, you can listen to Season 3, episode 5, Beyond Codependency - Family of Origin
Website: https://www.codependentmind.com/
We appreciate likes, follows and reviews as it helps other people find the podcast.
In this episode, Stephanie and Brian discuss the concept of trauma bonding within codependent relationships, particularly focusing on two of Brian's past romantic relationships characterized by abuse and narcissistic behavior. They highlight the two key ingredients necessary for trauma bonding: a power imbalance and intermittent abuse.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
Brian describes his first partner, referred to as "R," as a successful narcissist who engaged in narcissistic abuse and gaslighting. The abuse focused on undermining Brian's self-esteem and identity, making him feel inadequate and ashamed. Despite the abuse, Brian felt emotionally tied to R, partly due to the intermittent nature of the abuse and the occasional displays of love and care.
Stephanie mentions that Brian had financial, social, and intellectual resources, which adds complexity to the question of why he stayed in these relationships. Brian explains that his low self-esteem and lack of agency, developed from early traumatic experiences, led him to believe that he needed to change and fix himself to make the relationships work.
In one instance, a therapist suggested a separation period during Brian's first relationship to find himself outside of the abusive dynamic. However, Brian couldn't detach herself from the trauma bond and continued trying to change herself to please his partner.
After his first abusive relationship ended, Brian quickly entered into another one that lasted for four years. In this new relationship, He encountered another abusive narcissist, "J", although this person was less socially and emotionally successful, making their flaws more evident to others. There was an initial love bombing phase in both relationships, where Brian received excessive attention, flattery, and compliments. Despite feeling disoriented and recognizing some red flags, Brian struggled to establish boundaries due to his codependency and low self-esteem. J's abuse was somewhat different than R's. It involved explosive coercive language and anger, and featured manipulation and seeking sympathy. Brian describes going into a "turtle shell" during abusive episodes to cope.
We discuss how trauma bonding can distort one's sense of self and agency, making it challenging to leave abusive relationships or even recognize the abuse. Brian's experiences highlight the importance of understanding trauma bonds and their profound impact on codependent individuals.
00:00:41 Definition of trauma bonding
00:01:31 Key ingredients of a trauma bond
00:04:43 Brian’s trauma bond with R
00:05:44 Gaslighting explained
00:07:42 Brian’s trauma bond with J
00:08:50 Love bombing explained
00:13:33 How the trauma bond worked
00:22:30 The internal battle
00:25:51 Shame
00:35:18 Trauma bond vs intimacy
Thank you for liking or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.
Find us on Instagram @codependentmind
Email: [email protected]
Narcissists are an especially dangerous and toxic pairing for people with codependent behaviors, due to the way each person’s maladaptive behaviors work together. In this episode we discuss the general characteristics of narcissism and then detail Brian's two, back-to-back, romantic relationships with abusive narcissists.
Get even more guidance in healing from codependency. The paperback, audiobook and eBook is now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V
In this episode:
00:01:25 Common characteristics of narcissist
00:02:18 The codependency - narcissism connection
00:03:59 Narcissistic abuse
00:05:21 The beginning of relationships/lovebombing
00:10:20 Financial control
00:12:09 The narcissist’s script
00:12:47 A portrait of R
00:15:19 Gaslighting example
00:21:16 A portrait of J
00:31:10 A tale of two narcissists
Thank you for liking or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast.
Find us on Instagram @codependentmind
Email: [email protected]
Website: https://www.codependentmind.com/
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