A Day at a Time Reflections

Someone once said that the mind's direction is more important than its progress. If my direction is correct, then progress is sure to follow. We first come to Gamblers Anonymous to receive something for ourselves, but soon learn that we receive most bountifully when we give to others. If the direction of my mind is to give rather than to receive, then I'll benefit beyond my greatest expectations. The more I give of myself and the more generously I open my heart and mind to others, the more growth and progress I'll achieve. Am I learning not to measure my giving against my getting, accepting that the act of giving is its own reward? Today I Pray … May I not lose sight of that Pillar of the Program: helping myself through helping others in our purpose of achieving comfortable abstinence from gambling. From the moment I take the First Step of Recovery, may I feel that marvel of giving and taking and giving back again. May I care deeply about others' maintaining their freedom from gambling, and may know that they care about me. It is a simple - and beautiful - exchange. Today I Will Remember … Give and take and give back again. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

All too often I unwittingly set standards for others in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. Worse yet, I expect those standards to be met. I go so far, on occasion, to decide what progress other people should make in their recoveries, and how their attitudes and actions should change. Not surprisingly, when things don't work out the way I expect, I become frustrated and even angry. I have to learn to leave others to God. I have to learn neither to demand nor expect changes in others, concentrating solely on my own shortcomings. Finally, I cannot look for perfection in another human being any more than I can expect perfection in myself. Can I ever be perfect? Today I Pray … May God ask me to step down immediately if I start to climb up on any of these high places: on my podium, as the know-it-all scholar; on my soapbox, as the leader who's out to change the world; into my pulpit, as the holier-than thou-could-possibly-be messenger of God; into the seat of judgment, as the gavel-bang ing upholder of the law. May God please keep me from vesting myself with all this unwarranted authority and keep me humble. Today I Will Remember … A heavy hand is not a helping hand. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

"Fundamental progress has to do with the reinterpretation of basic ideas," wrote Alfred North Whitehead. When we review the ups and downs of our recovery in Gamblers Anonymous, we can see the truth of that statement. We make progress each time we get rid of an old idea, each time we uncover a character defect, each time we become ready to have that defect removed. We make progress, one day at a time, as we shun that first bet, that first addictive act that could so quickly swerve us from the path of growth onto the path of despair. Do I consider the progress I've made since I came to Gamblers Anonymous? Today I Pray … May I remember that there are few new ideas in this world, only old ones reinterpreted and restated. May I be always conscious that the big things in life - like love, brotherhood, God, abstinence from addictive behavior - become more finely defined in each human life. So may the Twelve Steps of Recovery be redefined in each of our lives, as we keep in mind that these are time-tried principles that work! Today I Will Remember … The Twelve Steps work. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

My progress in recovery depends in large measure on my attitude, and my attitude is up to me. It's the way I decide to look at things. Nobody can force an attitude on me. For me, a good attitude is a point of view unclouded by self-pity and resentments. There will be stumbling blocks in my path, without a doubt. But the Gamblers Anonymous Program has taught me that stumbling blocks can be turned into stepping stones for growth. Do I believe, as Tennyson put it, "that men may rise on stepping stones of their dead selves to higher things"? Today I Pray … May God help me cultivate a healthy attitude toward myself, the Gamblers Anonymous Program, and other people. God, keep me from losing my spiritual stabilizers, which keep me level in purpose and outlook. Let me ignore self pity, discouragement, and my tendency to overdramatize. Let no dead-weight burden throw me out of balance. Today I Will Remember … With God on my side, I need not be discouraged. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Many people we meet in Gamblers Anonymous radiate a kind of special glow a joy in living that shows in their faces and bearing. They've put aside their obsession with gambling and have progressed to the point where they're "high" on life itself. Their confidence and enthusiasm are contagious - especially to those who are new in GA. The astonishing thing to newcomers is that those same joy ous people also were once heavily burdened. The miracle of their before and-after stories and new outlook is living proof that the Program works. Does my progress in the GA Program serve to carry the message to others? Today I Pray … I pray that my own transformation through GA - from burdened to unburdened, beaten down to upbeat, careless to caring, tyrannized by gambling to free from gambling will be as much inspiration for newcomers as the dramatic changes in others' lives have been for me. May I - like those other joyous ones in the Fellowship - learn how to be "high on life." Today I Will Remember … Life is the greatest "high" of them all. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

When I say the Serenity Prayer, sometimes over and over, I occasionally lose sight of the prayer's meaning even as I repeat its words. So I try to think of the meaning of each phrase as I say it, whether aloud or silently. As I concentrate on the meaning, my understanding grows, along with my capability to realize the difference between what I can change, and what I cannot. Do I see that most improvements in my life will come from changing my own attitudes and behavior? Today I Pray … May my Higher Power show me new and deeper meanings in the Serenity Prayer each time I say it. As I apply it to my life's situations and relationships, may its truth be underlined for me again and again. May I realize that serenity, courage, and wisdom are all that I need to cope with living, but that none of these three have value unless they grow out of my trust in a Higher Power. Today I Will Remember … God's formula for living: serenity, courage, and wisdom. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

When we allow our Higher Power to take charge, without reservations on our part, we stop being anxious. When we're not anxious about some person or situation, that doesn't mean we're disinterested or have stopped caring. Just the opposite is true. We can be interested and caring without being anxious or fearful. The poised, calm, and faith-filled person brings something positive to every situation. He or she is able to do the things that are necessary and helpful. Do I realize how much better prepared I am to do wise and loving things if I banish anxious thoughts and know that God is in charge? Today I Pray … I pray that I may be rid of the anxiety that I have equated in my mind with really caring about people. May I know that anxiety is not an item of outerwear that can be doffed like a cap. May I know that I must have serenity within myself and confidence that God can do a better job than I can-and then my anxiety will lessen. Today I Will Remember … Anxiety never solved anything. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

I remember once hearing someone in the Gamblers Anonymous Program say, "Life is a series of agreeings or disagreeings with the universe." There is much truth in that statement, for I'm only a small cog in the machinery of the universe. When I try to run things my way, I'll experience only frustration and a sense of failure. If, instead, I learn to let go, success will assuredly be mine. Then I'll have time to count my blessings, work on my shortcomings, and live fully and richly in the Now. Do I believe that what I am meant to know I will know if I practice the Eleventh Step - praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out? Today I Pray … May I take my direction from the Eleventh Step-and not fall into my usual habit of making itemized lists for God of all my pleas and entreaties and complaints. May I no longer second-guess God with my specific solutions, but pray only that His will be done. May I count my blessings instead of my beseechings. Today I Will Remember … Stop list-making for God. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Determination-our clenched-jaw resolve that we can do something about everything-is perhaps the greatest hindrance to achieving serenity. Our old tapes tell us, "The difficult can be done immediately; the impossible will take a little longer." So we tighten up and prepare ourselves for battle, even though we know from long experience that our own will dooms us in advance to failure. Over and over we are told in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that we must "Let Go and Let God." And we eventually do find serenity when we put aside our own will while accepting God's will for us. Am I learning to relax my stubborn grip? Do I allow the solutions to unfold by themselves? Today I Pray … May I loosen my tight jaw, my tight fists, my general uptightness - outward indications of the "do it all myself" syndrome that has gotten me into trouble before. May I know from experience that this attitude "keep a grip on yourself and on everybody else too" - is accompanied by impatience and followed by frustration. May I merge my own will with the greater will of God. Today I Will Remember … Loosen up on the stranglehold. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

When I first read the Serenity Prayer, the word "serenity" itself seemed like an impossibility. At the time, the word conjured up images of lethargy, apa thy, resignation, or grim-faced endurance; it hardly seemed a desirable goal. But I've since found that serenity means none of those things. Serenity for me today is simply a clear-eyed and realistic way of seeing the world, accompanied by inner peace and strength. My favorite definition is, "Serenity is like a gyroscope that lets us keep our balance no matter what turbulence swirls around us.” Is that a state of mind worth aiming for? Today I Pray … May I notice that "serenity" comes first, ahead of "courage" and "wisdom," in the sequence of the Serenity Prayer. May I believe that "serenity" must also come first in my life. I must have the balance, realistic outlook, and acceptance that is part of this blessing of serenity before I can go on to the kind of decision-making that will bring order to my existence. Today I Will Remember … Serenity comes first. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

As we "Keep Coming Back" to meetings, we're able to recognize those who have an abundance of serenity. We are drawn to these people. To our surprise, we sometimes find that those who seem most grateful for today's blessings are the very ones who have the most serious and continuing problems at home or at work. Yet they have the courage to turn away from such problems, actively seeking to learn and help others in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. How have they gotten this serenity? It must be because they depend less on themselves and their own limited resources and more on a Power greater than themselves in whom they have confidence. Am I acquiring the gift of serenity? Have my actions begun to reflect my inner faith? Today I Pray … May I never cease to be awed by the serenity I see in others in my group - a serenity that manifests their comfortable surrender to a Higher Power. May I learn from them that peace of mind is possible even in the thick of trouble. May I learn, too, that I need to pull back from my problems now and then and draw upon the God-provided pool of serenity within myself. Today I Will Remember … Serenity is surrender to God's plan. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Soon after I came to Gamblers Anonymous, I found a Higher Power whom I choose to call God. I've come to believe that He has all power; if I stay close to Him and do His work well, He provides me not with what I think I want, but with what I need. Gradually, I'm becoming less interested in myself and my little schemes; at the same time, I'm becoming more interested in seeing what I can contribute to others and to life. As I become more conscious of God's presence, am I beginning to lose my self-centered fears? Today I Pray … May I see that the single most evident change in myself - beyond my own inner sense of peace - is that I have come out from behind my phony castle walls, dropped the drawbridge that leads into my real village and crossed it. I am back among people again, interested in them, caring what happens to them. May I find my joy here in this peopled reality, now that I have left behind those old self-protective fears and illusions of my own uniqueness. Today I Will Remember … What is life without other people? A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

We are powerless over gambling; that admission brought us to the Gamblers Anonymous Program, where we learn through unconditional surrender that there is victory in defeat. After a time, we learn in Twelfth Step work that we're not only powerless over our own addiction, but over the addiction of others. We cannot will another person to abstinence from gambling, for example, any more than we can hold back the sunset. We may minister to another person's physical or emotional needs; we may share with him, cry with him, and take him to meetings. But we cannot get inside his head and push some sort of magic button that will make him-or her-take that all-important First Step. Do I still sometimes try to play God? Today I Pray … May I understand my all-too-human need to be the boss, have the upper hand, be the final authority even in the humbling business of my own addiction. May I see how easy it would be to become a big-shot Twelfth Stepper. May I also see that, no matter how much I care and want to help, I have no control over another's addiction-any more than someone else has control over mine. Today I Will Remember … I cannot engineer another's recovery. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

I've learned in Gamblers Anonymous that I am wholly powerless over my compulsion. At long last, I've conceded my powerlessness; as a result, my life has taken a 180-degree turn for the better. However, I do have a power, derived from God, to change my own life. I've learned that acceptance does not mean submission to an unpleasant or degrading situation. It means accepting the reality of the situation and then deciding what, if anything, I can and will do about it. Have I stopped trying to control the uncontrollable? Am I gaining the courage to change the things I can? Today I Pray … I ask my Higher Power for direction as I learn to sort out the things I can change from the things I can't, for that sorting process does, indeed, require God-given wisdom. May "the things I cannot change" not give me an excuse for inactivity. May "the things I can" not include managing other people's lives. May I start to understand my own reality. Today I Will Remember … Acceptance is not inactivity. Change is not domination. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

An entire philosophy of life is condensed in the slogan "Live and Let Live." First we're urged to live fully, richly, and happily - to fulfill our destiny with the joy that comes from doing well whatever we do. Then comes a more difficult challenge: let live. This means accepting the right of every other person to live as he or she wishes, without criticism or judgment from us. The slogan rules out contempt for those who don't think as we do. It also warns against resentments, reminding us not to interpret other people's actions as intentional injuries to us. Am I becoming less tempted to clutter my mind with how others act or live? Today I Pray … May I live my life to the fullest, understanding that pure pleasure-seeking is not pleasure-finding, but that God's goodness is here to be shared. May I partake of it. May I learn not to take over responsibility for another's adult decisions; that is my old controlling self trying, just one more time, to be the executive director of other people's lives. Today I Will Remember … Live and Let Live. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

We can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely. We can be all by ourselves and still feel happy and content. What makes the difference? We feel lonely if we look to other people for something they really can't provide. No one else can give US peace of mind, an inner sense of acceptance, and serenity. And when we find ourselves alone, we needn't feel lonely. God is with us; God's presence is like warmth enfolding us. The more we're aware of ourselves as beloved by God, the more we're able to feel content and secure whether we're with others or alone. Am I experiencing a sense of God at all times and in all places? Today I Pray … May I understand that we each have our own kind of loneliness - whether we are young and friendless, old and kept waiting by death, bereft, left, running away, or just feeling out of it in a crowd. May my loneliness be eased a bit by the fact that loneliness is, indeed, a universal feeling that everyone knows first-hand-even though some lives seem more empty than others. May I - and all the lonely people - take comfort in the companionship of God. Today I Will Remember … Shared loneliness is less lonely. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

No matter what other people do or don't do, for ourselves we have to remain abstinent from gambling. When our program of recovery becomes contingent on the actions or inactions of another person-especially someone with whom we're emotionally involved the results are invariably disastrous. We also need to remember that intense dislike is as much an emotional involvement as new-found romantic love. In short, we have to cool any risky emotional involvements in the first few months of our recovery, trying to accept the fact that our feelings can change quickly and dramatically. Our watchword must be "First Things First," concentrating on our number one problem, recovery from compulsive gambling, before anything else. Am I building a firm foundation while steering clear of slippery emotional areas? Today I Pray … May I always remember that healthy relationships with people are necessary for my recovery, but that substituting an obsession with either a love or hate object is as dangerous to my well-being as any other addiction. Today I Will Remember … A dependency is a dependency is a dependency. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

In our first weeks or months in Gamblers Anonymous, our shaky emotional condition sometimes affects our feelings toward old friends and family. For many of us, these relationships heal quickly in the initial stages of our recovery. For others, a time of "touchiness" seems to persist; now that we're no longer gambling compulsively, we have to sort out our feelings about spouses, children, relatives, employers, fellow workers, and even neighbors. Experience in the GA Program over the years teaches us that we should avoid making important decisions early in our recovery, especially emotion-charged decisions about people. Am I becoming better equipped to relate maturely to other people? Today I Pray … May God help me through the edginess, the confusion of re-feeling and re-thinking my relationships, the getting it all together stages of my recovery. May I not rush into new relationships or new situations that demand an investment of my emotions - not yet. Today I Will Remember … No entangling alliances too soon. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Now that we're free from our compulsion to gamble, and living life one day at a time, we can begin to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. We can show kindness where we had shown none; we can take the time and initiative to be thoughtful, considerate, and compassionate. Even with people we dislike, we can at least try to be courteous, at times literally going out of our way to understand and help them. Just for today, will I try to understand rather than be understood, being courteous and respectful to all people with whom I'm in contact? Today I Pray … May I never forget my old sponge-like self, who soaked up every drop of affection and attention my family or friends could give me, until they were sapped dry. May I learn to be a giver, rather than a constant taker. May I practice offering interest, kindness, consideration, and compassion until sensitivity to others becomes second nature to me. Today I Will Remember … Giving is part of being. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

In times past, even as adults, many of us childishly insisted that people protect, defend, and care for us. We acted as if the world owed US a living. And then, when the people we most loved became fed up, pushing us aside or perhaps abandoning us completely, we were bewildered. We couldn't see that our overdependence on people was unsuccessful because all human beings are fallible; even the best of them will sometimes let us down, especially when our demands are unreasonable. Today, in contrast, we rely upon God, counting on Him rather than exclusively on ourselves or other people. Am I trying to do as I think God would have me do, trusting the outcome of His will for me? Today I Pray … May I know, from the dependencies of my past, that I am a dependent person. As I depended on compulsive gambling, I was inclined, too, to hang onto other people, depending on them for more than they could give. May I, at last, switch from these adolescent dependencies to a mature, healthy dependency on my Higher Power. Today I Will Remember … I have more than one dependency. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠