A Time to Sharpen

Rules without Relationship = Rebellion. We’ve said this before on the podcast, but it bears repeating. Whetstone Boys Ranch was founded upon this basic assumption. Rules are necessary, but without a human being to explain, interpret, apply, and at times modify those rules, they become a formula for failure as parents, teachers, and counselors. Just watch any of the hundreds of dystopian television shows and movies that are currently streaming. They all demonstrate that rules can’t guarantee happiness. They can’t make people be good, and they can’t stop people from doing bad things. Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss what we call “Life on Life” ministry (LOL!) as it’s practiced here at Whetstone. It’s not easy for us to have 1 staff member for every 3 boys, but our boys are worth all the extra effort.

During chapel on Thursday mornings at Whetstone, we practice the art of gratitude. We take about 15 minutes to write down 10 things that we are each grateful for, and then we read them out loud. The best ones get transferred to neon colored sticky notes which are then placed upon one of the 5 big white doors that line the schoolroom. We try to focus on the people and relationships in our lives, as well as events that have happened in the last week…because the science of happiness supports this approach. Today, there are over 1,000 of these notes, each one an Ebenezar declaring God’s faithfulness to our boys, their families, and our staff through the toughest of times.   On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we’ll discuss strategies for increasing joy by practicing thankfulness throughout the year, not just when you’ve had your fill of feasting and football.

The word sarcasm is descended from a Greek word which literally means “to strip off the flesh” - as in with a knife, or with one’s teeth. It is a violent word.  We don’t think of it in these terms nowadays, but perhaps we should. The damage that we inflict on others with our sarcastic language is no less painful. In fact, it might be much more so when we examine the big picture.  Join us this time on A Time to Sharpen as we examine the use and misuse of sarcasm in our work with teenagers. It may seem like they are impervious to the harsh criticism of parents, teachers, and counselors, but nothing could be further from the truth. 

Is there anything better than a good holiday tradition? Well, yeah, lots of things I guess. Two good holiday traditions…three good holiday traditions.Seriously though, join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we discuss the 2003, Christmas classic, Elf, starring the great Will Ferrell. It’s a tradition for us to watch this one with the boys at the ranch, as well as with our own kids. It’s the perfect combination of good clean fun, romance, and for the purposes of this episode, therapy. Elf a surprisingly insightful glimpse into trauma and attachment. So come with us “past the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then…through the Lincoln Tunnel.” And listen all the way to the end. Otherwise, we’ll have to put you on the naughty list. 

What’s it like to be the parent of a boy at Whetstone? There is really only one person who can answer that question. You guessed it. It’s the parent of a boy at Whetstone.  This week on A Time to Sharpen we have two such parents: JD and Kelly Buss, the mother and father of Joey Buss, one of our recent 2024 graduates. I feel certain that this podcast will be a huge help to parents looking to place their son in a program, parents living apart from their son who is currently in a program, and parents preparing to have their son return from a program.  But it has also been a huge help to Brandon and me as we continue our quest to sharpen this program.

Sleep is the secret weapon most of us are too tired to use. We hustle, grind, and caffeinate our way through exhaustion, ignoring the one thing our minds and bodies need most. In this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we explore why sleep isn’t a luxury—it’s a lifeline. From better mood and focus to healing trauma and building resilience, quality sleep plays a vital role in personal growth, especially for the boys at Whetstone. Whether you're a parent, educator, or just running on fumes, this conversation will remind you: rest isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom.

Whetstone's Thomas Brown joins Brandon and Axel for the first of a two-part series on the subject of childhood bullying. Once a victim of terrible bullying, Thomas emerged as a three-decades filmmaker, educator, national speaker and consultant on a subject he knows all-too-well. Despite a frightening childhood filled with physical torment and ridicule, Thomas ultimately forgave his tormentors and moved on to a life-long mission, to realistically and creatively address the problem, utilizing his own film creations and a nationally-recognized program that put kids and adults alike, through a powerful and emotional experience.Thomas sums up his feelings about the subject of childhood bullying like this:"Despite the numerous life-shattering school-shootings and youth-suicides that were directly attributed to childhood bullying, this epidemic problem that continues to adversely affect the lives of children and adults world-wide, has yet to shed itself of the notion:Bullying is just a natural part of growing up.Thomas concludes:"The darkest part of history certainly tells us something entirely different, giving strength to this chilling reminder: Those who do not remember the past, are condemned to repeat it.In part one of this episode of "A Time to Sharpen", Thomas shares just a small portion of a childhood filled with fear and in some instances, outright terror, focusing not-so-much on his own life 'then' but his deep concerns for what is happening in the lives of tormented children now, and the terrible path that bullying can sometimes take.

Music is the universal language. It crosses the boundaries of culture, gender, age, and race. It speaks to us before we have the words to understand language; and it continues speaking to us even if we lose this ability in old age.  At Whetstone Boys Ranch, we use music to make meaningful connections to our boys. Among other things, we use it to help them cope with emotions, to teach life lessons, and to challenge assumptions. In a word, we are “intentional” - mainly because it is such a powerful and potentially harmful tool. Join us this week on a Time to Sharpen, as Brandon and I discuss how parents, teachers, and counselors can harness the power of music.

At least once during a boy’s stay at Whetstone, he will return home for an entire week to test out what he has learned about living with his family. As you can imagine, the boys and parents look forward to this time which comes after months of separation. On the other hand, it is a source of much anxiety…for both parties. Will things be any better than they were?  The answer is always yes, and no. Many things have changed to be sure, and distance usually makes the heart grow fonder - but we should expect lots of road bumps, and potholes, and wrong turns on the road to recovery. Our boys, like all teenagers, are prone to pushing boundaries. And their parents, like all parents, are trying their best to stand firm, to bend without breaking.  Join us this week for a discussion of how parenting, teaching, and counseling never go like we plan - and of how often, like in the movie Home Alone, things end up better that way. 

“I feel the need…the need for speed.” This iconic Tom Cruise line in Top Gun accurately describes the drive that many teenagers feel while they work to create space between their parents and themselves. They want   freedom and independence, and they can’t get it fast enough. Parents, on the other hand, bear the responsibility of slowing things down by asking important questions about safety, direction, and destination. This process is normal and healthy.  But with adopted children, the need for speed is combined with the urge to constantly “buzz the tower.” They can’t seem to resist doing things to make you spill your coffee and then laugh in your face. Why do they do this? Can anything be done to stop it or lessen its frequency or intensity. And what can parents do to cope with this behavior which seems intentional at times, and at other times like the subconscious working out of pain from a past they can’t remember.  On this episode of a Time to Sharpen we’ll dig into this difficult questions. Sometimes, as the best we hope for is to be a aircraft carrier that’s just there…and ready to help them land when they feel the "need" to slow down. 

Twice a year, Whetstone Boys Ranch hosts a father-son retreat here in Mountain View, Missouri. Dads travel from all over the country to spend a weekend with their son. They join other dads who work here, along with our counseling team, for a series of guided activities and adventures designed to get everyone talking - talking about expectations, perspectives, frustrations, hopes, and fears. There were many takeaways from this year’s retreat, which was led by Matt Foster and Katie Johnston. There were so many in fact, that we’ll have to break this into two pods. The first is called “The Myth of Quality Time”... so let’s get going. 

Summer is coming. The kids are going to be underfoot for the next three months, and there is nowhere to hide. If you home school, you might be thinking, “get on my level,” but for most families the next few weeks can be a very stressful transition. Everyone is excited about vacation and free time, but these things are a double-edged sword. At some point, the lack of structure usually starts to get on everyone’s nerves, and the tension starts to climb alongside the temperature. On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we’ll talk with Thomas Brown, the house supervisor at Whetstone Boys Ranch, about ways to manage all this extra time, including the inevitable complaints about being “bored.” We’ll suggest a few “hard-fast flexibles” to help you navigate the often contradictory need for choice and for boundaries.

God is never not communicating with us. If we can’t hear him, it’s not His fault. We need to pay closer attention to the signs and signals he unceasingly sends us, taking time to reflect in contemplation and conversation.  On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we will discuss how God speaks to us through our kids, students, or anyone in our care. It behooves us to learn how to listen to what they are telling us through their actions, not just their words.

Elvis. Chuck Berry. The Beatles.   Young people flocked to hear them sing. Boys and girls bought their records by the millions, lined their rooms with posters, and toted lunch boxes with their image to school. Young men dressed like them, moved like them, and wore their hair like them. Young women swooned at their feet.    Corporate America took note. The money-making machine went into high gear and created an entire class of people that didn’t really exist before then: the “teenager.” Popular culture has never been the same.    Today there is a huge divide between adults and teenagers – a gap which serves Wallstreet well, but doesn’t do much for parents, teachers, and counselors.    Join us as we speak with Jeremy Thompson, executive director and co-founder of Whetstone Boys Ranch, for a discussion about generational conflict, and what we can do make things better, not worse. 

We’ve all been the new kid on the block. We all know what it feels like to have “all eyes on you.” You’re in a fish bowl, and there is no way out. The faces of people around you are exaggerated by the strange curved glass that distorts your view of them and traps you inside their gaze.  At Whetstone Boys Ranch, we have a boy, or two, or three going through this experience every month, and it’s our responsibility to make them feel welcome, loved, seen, and heard.  It’s not easy, but we’ve learned a few tricks along the way, and on this episode of “A Time to Sharpen,” we’d like to share them.  

Change usually happens slowly. Our minds and our bodies are not capable of handling too much all at once. It’s actually kind of unhealthy. Yes, there are baptisms of fire, and God can pull off a ‘road to Damascus moment’ any time he desires, but these seem to be the exception. At Whetstone, graduations are a time to publicly celebrate the change that has occurred within a young man over many months. They are also a reminder that whatever change occurs in his future will also take time. It will not all be smooth sailing from now on. But when we live by faith, we inevitably look back and see that God was in charge all along. On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we’ll talk about this process and celebrate Christ’s work in shaping our boys’ hearts.

We cannot underestimate the power of mentors in our lives. None of us has the power of will to make it on our own. We are not strong enough, smart enough, or good-looking enough. When we are teenagers, we THINK we are, but within a few short years (years that don’t feel short at the time) most of us realize our own folly. As John Wayne is credited as saying, “Life is hard. It’s harder if you’re stupid.” At their most basic level, mentors help us to not be stupid. This might seem like a very low standard, but I think most parents will settle for this 9 times out of 10. Those loftier virtues are great, and we should aim our life in their direction, but let’s first put some measures in place to keep us from moving in the opposite direction. Mentors are this backstop. They are there to tell us, “Hey, stupid. Stop doing that stupid thing.” And if the relationship is there, we are inclined to listen. Today on A Time to Sharpen, we’ll talk with Troy Vetter, executive pastor at Pomona Christian Church here in Missouri. Troy moved to the Show Me State to work at Whetstone in 2013. He was one of our very first “mentoring specialists.” He lived, ate, and breathed with the boys every day for almost 2 years. This is his story.

A mental note is a lost note. A short pencil is better than a long memory. If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time. That last quote is from Zig Ziglar. The first two my dad told me growing up…like…every day. They were drilled into my soul. “You have to write things down,” he’d say, “or it’s never gonna happen.” This is backed up by countless studies. I don’t know if successful people tend to write things down, or if writing things down makes you successful, but it doesn’t really matter which is the chicken and which is the egg – they both taste pretty good when they’re cooked and seasoned just right. On this episode of A Time to Sharpen, we will discuss making SMARTr goals: goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-Bound…and “relationship-oriented.” We added that last letter to the famous acronym, SMART, because none of it matters to parents, teachers, and counselors, if we don’t have relationship, does it? Plus, spelling it that way kind of reminded me of Dumb and Dumber. And I really like Dumb and Dumber.

Bumps, bruises, and bug bites—it’s all part of growing up in the Ozarks. Around here, ‘rub some dirt on it’ isn’t just advice, it’s practically a lifestyle. Of course, we’re also First Aid certified, so don’t worry—more serious injuries are treated with more than just duct tape.At Whetstone, we take safety seriously. All adventures come with precautions and protocols. In the woodshop and on the landscaping crew, it’s eye protection, ear protection, boots, and gloves. Out on the trail or in the cold, it’s the right shoes, the right socks, the right hats—because there’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothes.Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen as we talk about what it really means to grow tougher, wiser, and even a little safer along the way.

It’s not everyday that a former student of yours says that he’s been accepted to Harvard Law School - or every year...or every lifetime! But recently, Whetstone was honored by the news that one of its graduates has done just that.Join us this week on A Time to Sharpen for an in-depth discussion with our friend and colleague, Kiernan the Wise. That’s not his actual name, but after listening to this podcast, I think you’ll agree that the moniker fits. By God’s grace, Kiernan was able to turn things around during his 6 and a half months at Whetstone and get going in the right direction. And while this is a feat all by itself, he was able to keep things going far past the point that most people would think possible. It’s an inspiring story, and every bit of the 90 minute conversation is true. So get comfortable, or start folding that laundry so that you can focus your attention on what he has to say.