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ALAB Series

Author: All Lawyers Are Bad

Subscribed: 609Played: 13,705


An infrequent podcast series about the American legal system, brought to you by Andy, Michael, Tarik, Tim, and Nestor. ALAB aims to tell engaging stories about lawyers, legal cases, legal issues, or the legal profession more generally, with a focus on the outrageous, excessive, and/or absurd.
18 Episodes
With the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg and the ascension of Amy Coney Barrett, a 6-3 right-wing majority appears locked in at the Supreme Court potentially for decades. To comfort grieving progressives, Andy, Tarik, and Tim take you on a mind journey to an alternate Earth where Hillary won and a plucky Dartmouth lad named Neal Katyal achieved his greatest dream: Supreme Court Justice Neal Katyal.
In their jumbo 17th episode, Andy, Tarik, and Tim review the disturbing case of the Wolverine Watchmen and their arrest for the planned kidnapping and/or arrest of Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer. They review the details of the case and then ponder the larger issues, including whether the plotters’ stated goals of founding a new society based on the Bill of Rights passes Constitutional muster, and whether under OLC precedent it’s okay to drone strike the persons responsible for radicalizing these men.
In the second part of their study of the greatest lawyer to ever live, Alan Dershowitz, Andy, Tarik, and Tim delve deeper into the master's central art: the smear campaign. His scorched earth tactics and relentless smear jobs spare no one's reputation, perhaps not even his own.
In what is worst in the human soul can be found the most powerful tools of a lawyer's toolkit. Thus do Andy, Tarik, and Tim begin their studies at the feet of the Greatest Lawyer of All Time: Harvard law professor Alan Dershowitz. Part one examines the free speech warrior's years-long and ultimately successful campaign to destroy an academic who dared to publicly embarrass him.
Episode 14: Epstein's Bank

Episode 14: Epstein's Bank


Andy, Michael, Tarik, and Tim teach you how to run an effective Anti-Money Laundering operation, by exploring all the myriad ways that Deutsche Bank failed to do so, breaking the rules again and again in its stunning relationship with pedophile financier Jeffrey Epstein.
Michael, Tarik, and Tim explore the "Omegaverse" and find, among its other natural treasures, a nefarious tale of a plundering capitalist hell-bent on using the derricks of the law and courts to extract this magical land's value, to the exclusion of the communities that have tilled its soil for years.
Andy, Tarik, and Tim discuss NYU law professor Richard Epstein's one-man crusade to defeat COVID-19 using the powers of logic and debate, and the frightening things the resulting debacle says about the American legal academy.
Back in the innocent days of Episode 7, Andy, Michael, and Tarik thought that US economic sanctions policy had reached its apex of stupidity. But COVID-19, as it has with so many things, shows them that no, things can always get stupider. A lot stupider. Join them as they explore the "might makes right" underpinnings of international law from the American perspective.
Episode 10: Hard R

Episode 10: Hard R


The struggling BDS movement under legislative assault. The First Amendment increasingly used as a cynical deregulatory tool for big business. What's a legal scholar obsessed with free speech to do? That's right: drop the Hard R. Join Andy, Tarik, and Tim as they examine the current state of free speech in America.
Sure, presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg's apologies for his "stop and frisk" policies ring hollow on their face. But they're even worse when placed in the context of the systemic brutality of New York's street-to-Rikers Island pipeline. Andy, Tarik, and Tim walk through the morass of hard-fought litigation Bloomberg waged to defend that pipeline
Andy, Michael, and Tarik marvel at the spectacular rise, dizzying fall, and curious redemption of Ian Samuel, a legal yarn humming with powerful energies.
Andy, Michael, and Tarik look at United States economic sanctions laws, and in particular the decades-long embargoes imposed on Cuba and Iran.
Andy, Michael, and Tarik look at the Office of Legal Counsel, the elite unit within the US Department of Justice where the most elite legal minds in the country go to exchange their very souls for the promise of a life of ease and riches.
Episode 5: Weeb Wars, Pt. 2

Episode 5: Weeb Wars, Pt. 2


Weeb Wars concludes with a massive double episode - Tarik, forced to flee his home after being doxed by Law Twitter, joins Andy and Michael remote from an undisclosed location to finish their review of Vic Mignona's dismissed grudge lawsuit and where it goes from here. Audio engineering courtesy Aaron Oppenheim, find him on Twitter at
Andy, Michael, and Tarik play on the astroturf that is one of the more ill-considered lawsuits any ostensible lawyer has ever pushed a "client" to file: Vic Mignona's doomed lawsuit against the #metoo movement. (Part 1 of 2)
The perfect crime. The perfect criminal. The Perfect Client. Join us as Dr. Craig "Faketoshi" Wright's overweening self regard and cavalier disregard for truth careens headlong into a brick wall and he learns a costly lesson: that he is decidedly NOT the smartest man in the courtroom. Original intro theme courtesy Calming Chamber. Follow him on Twitter at and on Bandcamp at
Do you want to go to law school? Do you have a terminal case of Lawyer Brain? Andy, Michael, and Tarik describe the most optimal route to catching this debilitating affliction.
Tarik, Andy and Michael discuss Giuffre vs. Maxwell, the defamation case at the eye of the Jeffrey Epstein media storm.
Comments (5)

Yasmine C

This is hilarious. These guys were not master criminals! They were buffoons.

Nov 13th

Yasmine C

My new favorite podcast!

Nov 9th

Sophia Grace

"all had the same type of relationship with Jeffrey that I do" - those 2 Nobel Prize winners should sue him for slander

Aug 31st



Aug 25th

Bae Guevara

The host threatened to kill my dog.

Sep 20th
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