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Absolutely Not

Author: Dear Media

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"Absolutely not" to legitimately everything.....Comedian Heather McMahan creates a safe-space for us to tell-all and bitch about the rest. No topics are off-limits as we break down the everyday struggles of doing the most, and the least, at the same damn time. Come for the humor, authentic discussion or call in the Hotline or should we say "Absolutely NOT-Line" with your life complaints. We will discuss it all. It's a joyful take on life's craziest moments.
54 Episodes
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WORK HARD PLAY HARDER

WORK HARD PLAY HARDER

2020-07-0848:55

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is anxious and over caffeinated but doing her best to hold on to the future. The Voicemails this week are dumber than ever, but it doesn't stop Heather from losing her fucking mind. She loves you for calling in and remember, turn your AC off and roll your windows up if you're calling from the car! LOL! That and more on this week's episode!      Helix is offering up to $200 off ALL mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com/absolutelynot.    Go to feals.com/absolutely to become a member and get 50% automatically taken off your first order with free shipping!   To get a special free trial membership to Beach Body, text ABSOLUTELY to 303030.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Heather is back in the studio, aka her Mom's "Office" with her Tour Producer, Chris Ketner. Since they can't be on the road together touring the world, the convo has taken a wild turn to REAL TALK TOWN. The discuss their lack of sex education in School, how Tik Tok is keeping them formed on Conspiracy Theories and how much they miss slinging drinks for old Broads at brunch in 2010 in Hell's Kitchen. Let's take a little trip down memory lane for some giggles and perspective.    Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $60!   Produced by Dear Media.
Blame the SnowBirds

Blame the SnowBirds

2020-06-2447:161

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather takes a few calls from the new Hot spot of Florida and tries to figure out what the hell is going on. Were not even halfway through the year, and yet truly no one knows what this year has become/is/was/will be. She's hoping for a bright future but fingers crossed the insane voicemails on the hotline will brighten your day and make you giggle!    Produced by Dear Media.
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather hops back on the VoiceMails and legit LOL's till the cows come home. Y'all have taken it to another level. She discusses the chaos of living in construction, her concern for the environment and just general anxieties that keep her up... ya know amongst the covid, social injustices and impending meteor showers... That and more on the pod!    Go to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $60!   Go to talkspace.com and use promo code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and help support the show.   Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off ALL mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com/absolutelynot.    Produced by Dear Media.     
Let's Go Girls

Let's Go Girls

2020-06-1051:051

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather takes a moment to pause and very bluntly let everyone know that if you are a racist, the unfollow button is easy. Bye Bye,Sir. We will not put up with that Bullshit here! We get back to giggling and have an honest discussion of whats going on in the world today and how we can be a part of the change. Of course we get to the Absolutely Not line which is still filled with some of the most ridiculous Voicemails you've ever heard. Sidenote... y'all gotta quit calling us from hot-tubs, Heather can't hear you over the bubbles and the giggles. Love and Light my babies and more!    Head over to DHMdetox.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” for 20% off!    Get a special free trial membership for Beachbody when you text ABSOLUTELY to 303030.   Go to omaxhealth.com today and enter code “ABSOLUTELY” for 20% off Cryofreeze and sitewide!    Produced by Dear Media. 
Robin Goes to Greece

Robin Goes to Greece

2020-05-2753:111

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast Heather shares the psychological torture she endures everyday living with Diva Red in lockup. These two are in the words of MegtheStallion “savage, classy, bougie, ratchet”. This is just the tip of the iceberg! That and more!     Go to zola.com/absolutelynot today and use promo code SAVE50 to get fifty- percent off your save the dates!   Go to talkspace.com and use the code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show!   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this solo episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is falling apart at the thin ankles, literally. With a burnt taint, a rolled ankle and nothing to do, she has hit a new LEVEL OF NOPE. She cant even record this episode without her mom walking into the office to make it about her....typical Robin. If you thought the voicemails were wild last week, wait till you hear that the crazies have been up to now. Were week 852 into quarantine and still no one knows what the hell is going on!    Go to talkspace.com and use promo code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and help support the show!   To learn more about GoMacro’s giveback programs, and to give their tasty bars a try, visit gomacro.com and use promo code ​ABSOLUTELY​ for 30% off plus free shipping!   Produced by Dear Media. 
Burnt My Grundle

Burnt My Grundle

2020-05-1342:35

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather relives her emotional journey after having hot coffee spilled on her vagina in the Starbucks Drive-Thru. The Grundle is crispy, the attitude is sassy and for some reason she is super thirsty.....ya know like actually thirsty. Heather hits the Absolutely Not line and from this batch of voicemails its ABSOLUTELY apparent that everyone has lost their friggin minds!      Produced by Dear Media. 
A Little Bit of CRAZY!

A Little Bit of CRAZY!

2020-05-0645:50

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather decides to flip the script on Love and find out whats been happening to her single friends during LOVE, LOCKED UP RAW! Just because we are in quarantine doesn't mean people aren't still trying to find the one, or just send penis pics, and she is here to get the scoop from the opposite sex. Her dear friend and former elementary flame, Tommy Bardis is here to break down from the dude's perspective what is happening during this beyond awkward time to date. They will giggle, They will cry, they will be triggered with emotion, but hey, its a lot of Absolutely Yes on this episode!  Go to OMAXHealth.com and enter code “ABSOLUTELY”’ to get 20% off CryoFreeze and sitewide!   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has dear friend and fellow shit talker extraordinaire, Jackie Schimmel in the studio. They both look as equally hideous on zoom as they do in person, so no surprise there. The girls discuss trying to stay motivated, where they are on the emotional roller coaster that is quarantine and how much they are both starting to literally hate, well, EVERYONE. That and more!    Produced by Dear Media. 
AND THATS ON GOD

AND THATS ON GOD

2020-04-2242:171

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast,  Heather is sweating from the leather couch in her Mom's basement and has a whole lot of attitude. She is hitting the hotline hard and taking your calls from quarantine. Since we are all just trying to survive and giggle a little this episode is especially silly and sweaty... did I mention how sweaty she is. That and more on this episode of Absolutely Not!   Go to omaxhealth.com and enter code “ABSOLUTELY”’ to get 20% off CryoFreeze and site-wide!   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather interviews her sister from another mister, Fashion Icon and fellow podcast host, Pia Baroncini. These two have eerily similar lives that have led them both to marrying Italians and moving back in with their moms. They discuss the character building days of  slinging drinks in NYC to losing their dads and moving into their childhood homes. Pia runs a wildly successful clothing line, LPA THE LABEL that makes hot latex pants that will make anyone pussy pop in a handstand. This epsiode is a raw and real convo about adult lady shit and giving zero fucks. That and more! 
On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is joined by the Georgia Law Lady herself, Ashley McMahan. They may be sisters.... more of a Kourtney and Khloe kinda relationship if you will. Two McMahan's in one room is always a wild time, but as soon as these two hot tots start hashing out stories about their family life, things will finally make sense. It's obvious they were both old eggs from when Robin had them late in life, but thats just the tip of the iceberg, baby. They discuss how the baby boomers need to be locked up, how Jeff is eating them out of house and home and Ashley gives you legal advice! All of this and more on this family drama episode of Absolutely Not. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her fra-t daddy- ding -dong comedian friend, Andrew Collin. He's been on the podcast before and now that he has been cooped up in his Brooklyn Apartment he's extra bitter with a side of ridiculousness. Truly a one-of-a-kind conversation. They discuss being "locked up raw" How they are coping with the anxiety and whats next on the books for 2020... ya know other than hell fire and brimstones.... That and more!!!     Visit ​www.gomacro.com​ and use code ​absolutely​ for 30% off + free shipping.     Produced by Dear Media.
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits in quarantine with her Italian Stallion, Jeff Daniels. Since every single thing he is doing has been driving her up a fucking Ficus tree, she figured it would be a great time to air out their grievances for the whole world through couples therapy, aka this podcast. They discuss their upcoming or maybe forever cancelled nuptials and really hash out their mood swings for the listeners to judge! Keeping it light and positive over here, don't you worry about a thing!    Produced by Dear Media. 
Locked Up Raw

Locked Up Raw

2020-03-1847:093

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is coming to ya LIVE! from Atlanta, Georgia. She took the Oregon Trail to escape NYC in this wild time were living in and realized after all is said and done, she might run for city council...... or maybe just he head of her mom's Home Owners Association. We are gonna giggle and gossip on this episode because let's be honest, what ELSE is there to do?!! Don't panic, don't worry, Heather's got you! 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Raymond Padilla, Heather's half Chinese, half Mexican, but 100% full of shit bff, is back again to break down his most recent trials and tribulations, his pending apartment eviction. After being accosted by a  nutter butter neighbor and bamboozled by a his HOT landlord, were cracking the case of this legal situation. It's a shit show and don't we know it. Raymond is also serving us an extra slice of humble pie when he helps Heather break down the Voice mails from the Absolutely Not line!    Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is fired up hotter than a her Irish skin on the Fourth of July. She calls out some haters and challenges them to a duel.... at the Beverly center! It’s a wild ride of emotions and commotions!   Check out the Milky Jelly Cleanser and get 10%off your first order on Glossier.com/podcast/absolutely !   Produced by Dear Media.
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh off a 3 day gal-a-palooza girls tip to Minneapolis where she was promptly roofied & witnessed a shoot out. The Midwest is a crazy place where you should never trust a nurse named Chet. She is extra sassy and still chugging electrolytes while she takes your calls from the Absolutely Not hot line!
Cartier Bamboozlement

Cartier Bamboozlement

2020-02-1943:371

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back in the studio, fresh from Asia and answering your phone calls and hot fire voicemails. Things take a turn for the best when she calls back a feisty fan who leaves a day-drunk message. Heather also updates us on her 10 year anniversary bamboozlement when Jeff essentially "Cartier" teased her! It's a whole cluster-fuck of love, money and voicemails on this latest episode.   Shop Biossance.com and use discount code 'absolutelynot20' for 20% off!      Produced by Dear Media.   
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Comments (27)

Jackie allen

abso fucking lutely YES to being SOO ANNOYED these fuckers half- ass research and then say they have a fucking surprise. I would have immediately blown up if he threw that Cartier box at me and then asked for a fucking sandwich! Absolutely not.

Jul 8th
Reply

Jackie allen

HEATHER! COME BACK TO US!

Jun 17th
Reply

ID18684984

I’m loving this podcast. Yass!! Sending love from Ohio!!

May 24th
Reply

nlc2m5

true. true. true. on the Nordstrom Cafe. 100%. handsdown.

Jan 14th
Reply (1)

Kat

Thank you for turning me on to Megababe! I tried them all and this non aluminum deodorant is the best! got my man the ball powder too💜💜💜💜

Dec 25th
Reply (1)

Nichole mazza

So True! Have some respect for her! It takes alot to perform in front of all of us. 💯

Dec 7th
Reply

Lisa Longley

Best episode yet! You ARE A WARRIOR!! Glad you’re feeling better!!

Oct 31st
Reply (1)

Malia

Heather you're good but I didn't really care for your point of view with this podcast. I usually love listening to your podcasts but this one sounded like two privileged white girls. I had to stop listening bc it was just terrible. Jokes can be dark but we as females need to change the culture for other females and stand up to men. Saying "oh he learned that rape was bad" is promoting that men can get away with it. We all know rape or any force of sexual activity is bad from the start and if you do it or continue to do it. Then yes, you should be punished.

Sep 27th
Reply (2)

Jessica Taylor

anyone else hear an annoying sound during this ep? I wish I couldve listened to the whole thing but it got annoying. unless it was just my phone?? lmk if anyone had that issue. :)

Sep 18th
Reply

Kerry Toth

Amazing

Sep 17th
Reply

Kay williams

Like....so anyway. Like, here’s the thing, like... well, like......

Aug 24th
Reply

Cliffy B.

Ep6 You had me at “I can’t be around crackheads anymore” & “lumber sexual”

Aug 3rd
Reply

Cliffy B.

Ep5. So dope. Great EP. Raymond was nails

Aug 3rd
Reply

Barb Winkelman

Absolutely the best episode yet! And the others were fabulous! Can you put together a daily ? Incredible fun! Thank you!

Jul 24th
Reply (1)

Nina Alexandra

Nothing Bundt Cake's red velvet= game changer

Jul 22nd
Reply (1)

Cliffy B.

Ep4 meh

Jul 18th
Reply (1)

Cliffy B.

Ep3. This episode is so f***ed up. I LOVE IT

Jul 14th
Reply

not sure why

I love this Heather keep em coming

Jul 4th
Reply

Jeanette Clement

Heather is like my best friend that I've never met. Her take on this crazy planet and ALL THE THINGS is what I live for on Insta. Now with this podcast, I just can't even! Funny, wicked smart and belly laughs of relatable and unique content await you my friend. I highly recommend!

Jul 4th
Reply
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