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Absolutely Not

Author: Dear Media

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"Absolutely not" to legitimately everything.....Comedian Heather McMahan creates a safe-space for us to tell-all and bitch about the rest. No topics are off-limits as we break down the everyday struggles of doing the most, and the least, at the same damn time. Come for the humor, authentic discussion or call in the Hotline or should we say "Absolutely NOT-Line" with your life complaints. We will discuss it all. It's a joyful take on life's craziest moments.
74 Episodes
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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews fellow comedian, Casey Balsham of the SHADY SHIT podcast! Casey is literally looking for her loose tooth while bitching about what a fucking whirlwind of a year its been. From cancelled weddings, trying to get pregnant and generally fatigue these two ding dongs are bitching about it together!    Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTLEY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   For a limited time, new members can get 6 free grass-fed, grass-finished steaks when they go to ButcherBox.com/absolutely.    Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY30 and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY30” at checkout for 30% off your order plus free shipping!    Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is sweating through her shirt dealing with one technological meltdown after another. Sis can't catch a break! I mean what are we even doing anymore? It's almost Thanksgiving, which means everything is just a full blown shit show, but thats ok, because were gonna make it after all..... or after visiting the Oasis, Goodtime Emporium.    To check out all my Spanx picks and for 10% off your order plus free shipping and returns, visit spanx.com/absolutely, and use the code ABSOLUTELY for 10% off today!   Experience The Purple Grid and you’ll sleep like never before! Go to Purple.com/absolutely10, and use promo code absolutely10. For a limited time you’ll get 10% off any order of $200 or more!   Check out Palmer's New Hemp Oil Collection! You can find these products In Store and online at Walmart, Target, Walgreens or Amazon.   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her friend, Christopher Ketner on some raw dog topics of how their bullshit threshold is at an all time low. America has spoken and the wild DM's have begun. Heather and Chris make a pact to get "heart healthy" because their pants split while woofing down spinach dip at dinner tonight... they are ready for a lifestyle change.... sort of.    Go to Framebridge.com and use promo code to save an additional 15% off your first order.   Go to get getcanopy.co today and use code ABSOLUTELY10 for an extra 10% off at checkout. Your skin will thank you!   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order!   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutely to get 10% off your first order and free shipping.   Produced by Dear Media.   
TWO DICKS TOO MANY

TWO DICKS TOO MANY

2020-11-0456:571

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather shares a cool comedy experience that is literally giving her a will to live. There is a light at the end of this 2020 tunnel, even if it means we will one-day be back in a nightclub, shitting our pants from Red Bull vodkas... A Girl can dream can't she? The Voicemails are WILD this week, and the tensions are running high... but were all in this together.... whether we like it or not.    Go to purple.com/absolutely10 and use promo code ABSOLUTELY10 for 10% off any purchase of $200 or more!   Go to getcanopy.co to save $25 on your Canopy purchase today. Even better, there’s a special offer for Absolutely Not listeners! Use code ABSOLUTELY10 at checkout to save an additional 10% off your Canopy purchase.   Head to www.blenderbombs.com and use the code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off your first order.   You can purchase Palmer's new Hemp Oil products at Walmart, Walgreens & Amazon.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Heather sits down with Big Red and the Georgia Law Lady, also known as her mom and sister for a deep dive into internet scammers and the hot mess that is 2020. As usual, Robin is serving all the sass and Ashley is serving all the facts!   Thank you to our sponsors: Spanx - Get 10% off your order at spanx.com/absolutely or use code "absolutely" at checkout. Go Macro - Get 30% plus free shipping on orders over $50 by going to gomacro.com and using promo code "absolutely" at checkout. Purple Mattress -Go to Purple.com/absolutely10, and use promo code absolutely10 for 10% off any order or $200 or more.  Vizzy - To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.  
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews a true acting icon and apparently the podcast's biggest fan, Jennifer Lawrence. Yes, you read that right, JLAW. The two discuss life in the biz, Heather's lack of winning awards, and overall classic bullshit, in the humblest way possible. Heather essentially sweats through her shirt while getting a masterclass in everything Hollywood. This episode is a refreshing reminder that we're all gonna be ok, as long as we don't run out of chardonnay and vote! 
CANADIAN SK8R BOI

CANADIAN SK8R BOI

2020-10-1551:131

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is in her last week of Canada Glory. She has become a local, eating the fish, wearing the beanies and blasting Avril Lavigne at the top of her lungs. She is helping you figure out the hard hitting life concerns you're all thinking but dont have the chutzpah to say. It's ok, she will do it for you. She's coming to ya live from Vancouver in a ROOTS sweatsuit that she paid way too much for. That and more!    Go to blenderbombs.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off!   Go to framebridge.com and use code ABSOLUTELY for 15% off your first order!   Go to uncommongoods.com/absolutely for 15% off!    Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is revved up after a wild tweet that sent her into a tailspin of laughter, confusion and sadness. She is also recapping her favorite new "escape show" Emily in Paris, which reminded her of her wild Study-Abroad experience. She's taking your insane calls on the Absolutely Not like and trying to give you the unsolicited life advice you never knew you needed!    Get 20% off your order of DHM Detox and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   As a listener of this podcast, you get $100 off your first month on Talkspace. To match with your perfect therapist, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show.   Feals has me feeling my best every day and it can help you too. Become a member today by going to Feals.com/absolutely and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping.   Produced by Dear Media. 
ADD IT TO THE LIST, MIKE

ADD IT TO THE LIST, MIKE

2020-09-3047:162

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather uncovers some uncomfortable truths about herself and gives you a full rundown of her last week locked up. She's made a list and she's checking it twice of all the shit she has to try and fix in the world before 2021 gets here. She has a lot of "associations" to call starting with the BAR, Not legally speaking, like someone who just owns a bunch of bars.... just listen to the episode and you'll get it.    To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.    Produced by Dear Media.
GO FUND ME FROM CANADA

GO FUND ME FROM CANADA

2020-09-2349:001

Heather is on the brink of a full blown meltdown coming to ya live from a new state-sanctioned Quarantine north of the border in Canada. She's in town for work and they legit sent her to her room and threw away the key. Tensions are high between she and the microwave, that bitch has been getting too mouthy this week. Heather is spiraling and taking your insane calls!    Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   Produced by Dear Media. 
IM A SALESGUY

IM A SALESGUY

2020-09-1601:00:52

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather's dear friend, Andrew Collin, is here to bitch and swindle his way back into our hearts. He's still single and apparently getting "ripped" in quarantine.... not drunk, like in shape... again we don't know what that is like. These two talk about missing the road life, their past discrepancies and honestly try to figure out how they can better themselves in 2020, and really it shouldn't take a lot.    Upgrade your hard seltzer with Vizzy. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.   Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has hit her September shit show wall and is literally stuck under a trundle-bed of emotion. She is pulling out ALL OF THE FEELINGS from 2020 into one solid cathartic shitshow of a podcast. The VoiceMails are dumber than ever, but it does make her feel better to know that y'all are equally as fucked up as she is. We gotta do a wellness check on a lot of you, hussies cause Fall came fast and we are NOT READY.   Visit taoclean.com/absolutely to get 62% off the Facial Brush and sitewide!   Check out Feals.com/absolutely and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping.   Match with your perfect therapist at Talkspace.com or by downloading the Talkspace app. And don’t forget to use promo code absolutely at checkout for $100 off your first month.   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is chatting with her ball busting, criminal defense attorney, big sis, Ashley. Also known as the Georgia Law Lady, she helps Heather break down some of y'alls most intense Voice Mails to date... such as... "Why doesn't Mcdonald's give out free mac sauce on the side?!!!" They are single handedly changing the world for the better with each bit of sister advice they share! Who knew all this year needed was the McMahan sisters to save the day. That and more!    Check out Vizzy Hard Seltzer at vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.   Download ​The Gift of Forgiveness with Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt​, inspiring stories from those who’ve forgiven the unforgivable. You can download and subscribe to all of Headspace Studio’s podcasts wherever you are listening to this right now.   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather interviews Kate Kennedy of the "Be There in Five" podcast. It's their one-year anniversary since they met and now everything is coming full circle with these two ding dongs. They discuss how Tik Tok has taken over their lives, Being locked up with their dogs and Kate explains her emotional investment into Taylor Swift. They bitch about just how insane this year has made everyone, and they aren't suffering fools any longer! That and more!    Get the world’s smartest litter without leaving home by visiting PrettyLitter.com and use promo code absolutely for 20% off your first order.   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off.   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather breaks down her trip to Florida and is coming in guns hot after Robin Hijacks the episode. She hits the hotline and lemme tell you what, y'all are bitching more than ever! These calls are getting downright ridonkulous and we're here for it!    Get 10% off your first order and free shipping when you use promo code absolutley, only at Brooklinen.com.   TAO Clean is offering my listeners 62 % off the TAO Clean Orbital Facial Brush! This discount ALSO applies towards any product, sitewide! Just go to taoclean.com/absolutely  to take advantage of this incredible savings.    Upgrade your hard seltzer with Vizzy. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com.   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather catches you up to speed on her Hollywood ventures, buying a car from the Patriarchy and taking your Voicemails. We are getting dumber as the year goes on and it's very apparent by the shit y'all have called in with this week! Were already in August but it feels like this has been the longest year ever....Lord help us and save us from ourselves!    As a listener of this podcast, you can get $100 off your first month on Talkspace. To match with your perfect therapist, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show.   Head over to nodayswastedco.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order.    Become a member today by going to Feals.com/absolutely and you'll get 50% off your first order with free shipping.   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her hippie trip to Asheville North Carolina, where she experienced Satan at work. Between the Dog fights, Spiritual reads, and kids falling in manholes, it was a wild, but much needed ride outta town. The hotline is buzzing with insane calls of women just truly at their wits ends! The prayer circle just got tighter because the only thing that can get us out of this year is JESUS HIMSELF... AMEN!    Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather has her friend Big Daddy Raymond Padilla in town, fresh off his high horse from his luxury villa in Nantucket. He has decided to run for mayor, in a town he has never lived in - typical Ray. He is bringing all the judgement and heat, per usual, with an added side of SASS. These two giggle and argue on this episode!    Head over to NoDaysWastedco.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order of DHM Detox.    To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com. Must be 21+.    All new customers will get 10% off their first order on Glossier.com/podcast/absolutely (certain exclusions apply).   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather has her hilarious and ball-busting sister, Ashley, also known as the Georgia Law Lady in the studio. They discuss their fucked up genes, what it was like growing up with Robin and Kyle as parents and how the hell are they gonna convince Robin to drink more water. When these two ding-dongs of sisters get together its giggles non-stop and the dumbest conversations ever.      Go to Prose.com/absolutely for your FREE in-depth hair quiz and 15% off.   Get 10% off your first order and free shipping when you use promo code absolutely only at Brooklinen.com.    Get the world’s smartest litter without leaving home by visiting PrettyLitter.com and use promo code absolutely for 20% off your first order.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Dumb and Dumber

Dumb and Dumber

2020-07-1549:001

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather answers your pressing questions, like "Should my baby have their own instagram account", "Do you watch military return videos?" " Are you a swinger", and "Would you wear a penis sash on your bachelorette"..... ya know hardcore journalism kinda questions. Heather updates you on her virtual show and talks about truly the dumbest shit ever.. that and more!    Go to Talkspace.com (or in the app) and use the code absolutely to get $100 off your first month and show your support for the show.   For 20% off your order just head over to nodayswastedco.com and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout!   Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ABSOLUTELY for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $60!   Produced by Dear Media.
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Comments (28)

Sherry Cain-Walther

"Damn That's Hot!" is freaking hilarious!

Sep 16th
Reply

Jackie allen

abso fucking lutely YES to being SOO ANNOYED these fuckers half- ass research and then say they have a fucking surprise. I would have immediately blown up if he threw that Cartier box at me and then asked for a fucking sandwich! Absolutely not.

Jul 8th
Reply

Jackie allen

HEATHER! COME BACK TO US!

Jun 17th
Reply

MichelleA03

I’m loving this podcast. Yass!! Sending love from Ohio!!

May 24th
Reply

nlc2m5

true. true. true. on the Nordstrom Cafe. 100%. handsdown.

Jan 14th
Reply (1)

Kat

Thank you for turning me on to Megababe! I tried them all and this non aluminum deodorant is the best! got my man the ball powder too💜💜💜💜

Dec 25th
Reply (1)

Nichole mazza

So True! Have some respect for her! It takes alot to perform in front of all of us. 💯

Dec 7th
Reply

Lisa Longley

Best episode yet! You ARE A WARRIOR!! Glad you’re feeling better!!

Oct 31st
Reply (1)

Malia

Heather you're good but I didn't really care for your point of view with this podcast. I usually love listening to your podcasts but this one sounded like two privileged white girls. I had to stop listening bc it was just terrible. Jokes can be dark but we as females need to change the culture for other females and stand up to men. Saying "oh he learned that rape was bad" is promoting that men can get away with it. We all know rape or any force of sexual activity is bad from the start and if you do it or continue to do it. Then yes, you should be punished.

Sep 27th
Reply (2)

Jessica Taylor

anyone else hear an annoying sound during this ep? I wish I couldve listened to the whole thing but it got annoying. unless it was just my phone?? lmk if anyone had that issue. :)

Sep 18th
Reply

Kerry Toth

Amazing

Sep 17th
Reply

Kay williams

Like....so anyway. Like, here’s the thing, like... well, like......

Aug 24th
Reply

Cliffy B.

Ep6 You had me at “I can’t be around crackheads anymore” & “lumber sexual”

Aug 3rd
Reply

Cliffy B.

Ep5. So dope. Great EP. Raymond was nails

Aug 3rd
Reply

Barb Winkelman

Absolutely the best episode yet! And the others were fabulous! Can you put together a daily ? Incredible fun! Thank you!

Jul 24th
Reply (1)

Nina Alexandra

Nothing Bundt Cake's red velvet= game changer

Jul 22nd
Reply (1)

Cliffy B.

Ep4 meh

Jul 18th
Reply (1)

Cliffy B.

Ep3. This episode is so f***ed up. I LOVE IT

Jul 14th
Reply

not sure why

I love this Heather keep em coming

Jul 4th
Reply

Jeanette Clement

Heather is like my best friend that I've never met. Her take on this crazy planet and ALL THE THINGS is what I live for on Insta. Now with this podcast, I just can't even! Funny, wicked smart and belly laughs of relatable and unique content await you my friend. I highly recommend!

Jul 4th
Reply
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