DiscoverAbsolutely Not
Absolutely Not
Claim Ownership

Absolutely Not

Author: Dear Media

Subscribed: 11,977Played: 231,510
Share

Description

"Absolutely not" to legitimately everything.....Comedian Heather McMahan creates a safe-space for us to tell-all and bitch about the rest. No topics are off-limits as we break down the everyday struggles of doing the most, and the least, at the same damn time. Come for the humor, authentic discussion or call in the Hotline or should we say "Absolutely NOT-Line" with your life complaints. We will discuss it all. It's a joyful take on life's craziest moments.
98 Episodes
Reverse
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has friend and fellow bitchy podcaster, Jackie Schimmel in the house, literally, she's at Robin's. She brought her intern, Jennifer Lopez with her, fresh off the A-rod breakup. Its a wild ride and not to be missed!   Produced by Dear Media. 
Who Died?

Who Died?

2021-05-0557:051

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is breaking down her medical blunders and asking y'all why the hell you're living with regret. We are Live Laugh Loving our way through the Absolutely not line, and man are these voicemails good! Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering  listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.     To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.    To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media  
Lil Sheeba

Lil Sheeba

2021-04-2859:242

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather updates you on her doozie of a medical issue and realizes that she isn't the "pillar of the fertility community" she thought she was. She is sweaty, hungry, pissed off and now more than ever just straight up confused.    Go to GreenChef.com/90absolutely and use code 90absolutely to get $90 off including free shipping!   Get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/ABSOLUTELY   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   Produced by Dear Media. 
Pack of Skanks

Pack of Skanks

2021-04-2157:264

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is talking about civilian chemistry and mixed signals from her stallion. She is spiraling from the human growth hormone and trying to understand why everyone is being the worst and why no one buys her more gifts? Right. Ok. cool.    Get started today at StitchFix.com/absolutely and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order!    Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars today by going to gomacro.com and using promo code absolutely for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.     Produced by Dear Media. 
Pu$$Y Poppin

Pu$$Y Poppin

2021-04-1557:101

On this episode Heather breaks down one of her most embarrassing moments from this past weekend at the airport and explains why no one knows how to behave themselves. We're all wildly socially awkward and no one knows how to behave anymore.    To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com/absolutely.   Give your mom the most meaningful gift this Mother’s Day with StoryWorth. Get started right away with no shipping required by going to StoryWorth.com/absolutely. You’ll get $10 off your first purchase!   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Heather catches up with friend and OG podcast guest Raymond Padilla! They discuss Ray's recent move to New York (spoiler: its been a bumpy ride) and how he is living his "gay ass truth".   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order!   Treat yourself to ultimate comfort with Brooklinen’s comforter collection. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100!   As a listener of this podcast, you’ll get $100 off of your first month with Talkspace. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Take That Trish!

Take That Trish!

2021-03-3151:591

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather claps back at herself bc the hormones are making her feel like a genetically modified chicken tender with a side of sassy dont-give-a-F#ck ranch. She takes your voicemails and realizes y'all are pretty much in the same boat. Love and Light!    Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order.   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% OFF your order   Get started today at StitchFix.com/absolutely and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!   Get your hands on some of GoMacro’s delicious MacroBars today by going to gomacro.com and using promo code ​absolutely​ for 30% off plus free shipping on all orders over $50!   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down her recent surprise in the Turks and all the trouble she stirred up in Charleston. There was leather, edibles, bootcut jeans and lots of questions. She also hits the hotline and tries to fix your problems one drunken message at a time.      Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   For a limited time, Spanx is offering Absolutely Not listeners 10% off their order on Spanx.com!   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with herself in a downward spiral about this dumbest shit ever, per usual. It's her birthday and she is reporting live from the Turks and Caicos. RIGHT BY THE BEACH BOIIII. She is full of gratitude and rosé and a slight flicker of positivity.      Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent off!      Head  over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order!    Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/​absolutely​ to take your quiz and save 20% on your first order.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Heather's long time friend and fellow thespian extraordinaire, Tina T, is in town and the ladies are spilling the literal HIGH TEA on their weekend debauchery and breaking down the riveting Oprah interview. Heather is wildly concerned the Monarchy is coming for her so buckle up and get your beverages set!    Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout for 20% off PLUS free shipping!    To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Get started today at StitchFix.com/absolutely and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!   Produced by Dear Media. 
ET, TU BRUTE?

ET, TU BRUTE?

2021-03-0352:302

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast Heather is stepping in her pisces self-loathing season and realizing her physical well being is important but also almost impossible to keep up with. Her pants are tight, her skin is dry and vagina is gaping. Lots of Voicemails and self-indulgent things to discuss!   Receive 25% off ​your entire first purchase of Super Coffee. To claim this deal go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ​ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout.   Treat yourself to ultimate comfort with Brooklinen’s comforter collection. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $25 off, with a minimum purchase of $100.   Upgrade your hard seltzer to Vizzy. To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.    Produced by Dear Media.
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather checks in on her friends down in the hill country and has some major Absolutely Nots. She isn’t fucking around with weather shaming, COVID shaming or grandma shaming. ITS ENOUGH. She's also getting back into the swing of things, quite literally, playing Golf again and thrilled she made some new friends on the links. That and more!    Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Go check out Usual Wines at www.usualwines.com - use my discount code “ABSOLUTELY” for $8 off your first order and try your first glass on us!   Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews her husband, Jeff Daniels on all things love and marriage. It's Valentine's week and who better to answer your relationship questions than Tony Soprano himself.    Receive 20% off PLUS Free Shipping​ on Olipop's best selling variety pack. This is a great way to try all of their delicious flavors. Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout to claim this deal.   Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/​absolutely​ to take your quiz and save 20% on your first order.   Go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ​ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout for 25% off your order!   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 % OFF your order!   Produced by Dear Media. 
Reach for the Stars

Reach for the Stars

2021-02-1056:172

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is about to lose her shit with EVERYONE and clearly y'all are on the same wavelength. The voicemail  line is buzzing with bullshit and Heather is here to help you wade through it.    Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.   Order the new Bomb Bars online at www.blenderbombs.com and receive 20% off your order by using the code ABSOLUTELY.   To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Produced by Dear Media.
LEFT BEHIND

LEFT BEHIND

2021-02-0357:091

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather Breaks down what's been happening these past two weeks. It's a RAW AND REAL episode full of zero medical advice, lots of sweating and saying the F* word as many times as humanly possible. If you hate honesty, keep scrolling.     Check out Olipop and receive 20% off PLUS Free Shipping​ on their best selling variety pack. Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout to claim this deal.   Go check out their website at www.usualwines.com and use my discount code “ABSOLUTELY” for $8 off your first order and try your first glass on us!   Receive 25% off ​your entire first purchase or Super Coffee. To claim this deal go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ​ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout.   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20% off!    Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Ask and you shall receive! This week, Heather is responding to YOUR voicemails on the Absolutely Not Line. Buckle up, hunker down and get ready to laugh your tush off!    Check out Olipop and get 20% off PLUS Free Shipping​ on their best selling variety pack. This is a great way to try all of their delicious flavors. Go to DRINKOLIPOP.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout to claim this deal.   For a limited time, Spanx is offering Absolutely Not listeners 10% off their order on spanx.com. Use the code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.   Make your home healthier this new year. For a limited time, when my listeners go to Grove.co/ABSOLUTELY you will get a FREE Mrs. Meyer’s gift set plus free shipping with your first order - a $30 value!   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order of WOO Vibez today.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Half Owl with Ashley McMahan

Half Owl with Ashley McMahan

2021-01-2001:07:312

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is chatting with her sister, the GA Law Lady about vax'n their mom, basic childhood trauma and finding their inner animal. Ashley is pissed her episode got basically erased last time they recorded so she is coming in extra hot with that fiery attorney energy. This episode is honestly so sisterly silly, so good to luck to ya.    Go to DRINKSUPERCOFFEE.com/​ABSOLUTELY​ or use code ​ABSOLUTELY ​at checkout for 25% off and free shipping!    To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com or download the app. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.   Head over to WOO More Play and use code ABSOLUTELY for 20 percent OFF your order of WOO Vibez today.   Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/absolutely to take your quiz and save 20% on your first order.   Check out the Palmer's Hemp Oil Skincare Collection. You can find these products In Store and online at Walmart, Target, Walgreens or Amazon.   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather spins her New Years Wheels straight to crazy town. She has no fucking idea what is happening in the world and is trying to give you sage advice even though her asshole is clenched tighter than a cocaine smuggler from the 80's. The vibe is tense but the jokes are flowing, we've got voicemails and more!    Go to www.blenderbombs.com and receive 20% off your order by using the code ABSOLUTELY.   Go check out  www.usualwines.com and use my discount code “ABSOLUTELY” for $8 off your first order and try your first glass on us!   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast Heather sits down with her favorite comedian and BFF Benny Drama to discuss their major glow-ups. Benny is the king of impressions and he gives Heather the in's and outs of who hates him and which Kardashian is on board. lol. He's hilarious and keeps things raw and real!    You deserve to know what’s in your multivitamin. That’s why Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Make your home healthier this new year. For a limited time, when my listeners go to Grove.co/ABSOLUTELY you will get a FREE Mrs. Meyer’s gift set plus free shipping with your first order - a $30 value!   Go to get getcanopy.co today and use code ABSOLUTELY10 for an extra 10% off at checkout. Your skin will thank you!   For a limited time ButcherBox is offering new members their Ultimate Keto Bundle for free when you sign up today at ButcherBox.com/absolutely. That’s up to ten pounds of free meat, including one pork butt, 2 lbs of ground beef and 3 lbs of bone-in chicken thighs all in your first box by going to butcherbox.com/absolutely.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Winslet Wellness Check

Winslet Wellness Check

2020-12-3001:00:001

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is majorly concerned with Kate Winslet's wellbeing and whereabouts. She answers your insane End of the Year Voicemails and has a slight bit of optimism for the new year... just a tiny bit.     Experience The Purple Grid and you’ll sleep like never before! Go to Purple.com/absolutely10, and use promo code absolutely10. For a limited time you’ll get 10% off any order of $200 or more!   Go to getcanopy.co today and use code ABSOLUTELY10 for an extra 10% off at checkout. Your skin will thank you!   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.   Produced by Dear Media. 
loading
Comments (29)

Jessica Goehler

Girl! ABSOLUTELY NOT to post Covid fatigue! But ABSOLUTELY YES to recovery! Love and Light from Chicago!

Feb 3rd
Reply

Sherry Cain-Walther

"Damn That's Hot!" is freaking hilarious!

Sep 16th
Reply

Jackie allen

abso fucking lutely YES to being SOO ANNOYED these fuckers half- ass research and then say they have a fucking surprise. I would have immediately blown up if he threw that Cartier box at me and then asked for a fucking sandwich! Absolutely not.

Jul 8th
Reply

Jackie allen

HEATHER! COME BACK TO US!

Jun 17th
Reply

MichelleA03

I’m loving this podcast. Yass!! Sending love from Ohio!!

May 24th
Reply

nlc2m5

true. true. true. on the Nordstrom Cafe. 100%. handsdown.

Jan 14th
Reply (1)

Kat

Thank you for turning me on to Megababe! I tried them all and this non aluminum deodorant is the best! got my man the ball powder too💜💜💜💜

Dec 25th
Reply (1)

Nichole mazza

So True! Have some respect for her! It takes alot to perform in front of all of us. 💯

Dec 7th
Reply

Lisa Longley

Best episode yet! You ARE A WARRIOR!! Glad you’re feeling better!!

Oct 31st
Reply (1)

Malia

Heather you're good but I didn't really care for your point of view with this podcast. I usually love listening to your podcasts but this one sounded like two privileged white girls. I had to stop listening bc it was just terrible. Jokes can be dark but we as females need to change the culture for other females and stand up to men. Saying "oh he learned that rape was bad" is promoting that men can get away with it. We all know rape or any force of sexual activity is bad from the start and if you do it or continue to do it. Then yes, you should be punished.

Sep 27th
Reply (2)

Jessica Taylor

anyone else hear an annoying sound during this ep? I wish I couldve listened to the whole thing but it got annoying. unless it was just my phone?? lmk if anyone had that issue. :)

Sep 18th
Reply

Kerry Toth

Amazing

Sep 17th
Reply

Kay williams

Like....so anyway. Like, here’s the thing, like... well, like......

Aug 24th
Reply

Cliffy B.

Ep6 You had me at “I can’t be around crackheads anymore” & “lumber sexual”

Aug 3rd
Reply

Cliffy B.

Ep5. So dope. Great EP. Raymond was nails

Aug 3rd
Reply

Barb Winkelman

Absolutely the best episode yet! And the others were fabulous! Can you put together a daily ? Incredible fun! Thank you!

Jul 24th
Reply (1)

Nina Alexandra

Nothing Bundt Cake's red velvet= game changer

Jul 22nd
Reply (1)

Cliffy B.

Ep4 meh

Jul 18th
Reply (1)

Cliffy B.

Ep3. This episode is so f***ed up. I LOVE IT

Jul 14th
Reply

not sure why

I love this Heather keep em coming

Jul 4th
Reply
Download from Google Play
Download from App Store