DiscoverAsk Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting
Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting
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Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting

Author: Dr. Lisa Damour/Good Trouble Productions

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Raising kids can be a bumpy, stressful, and uncertain process – which is why Dr. Lisa Damour is here to help. The New York Times Adolescence columnist and author of bestsellers Untangled and Under Pressure brings her sane, informed, and practical perspective to your timely and timeless parenting questions. Cohost Reena Ninan, a world-class journalist who has covered the White House while packing a breast pump, makes sure to get you the answers you need.
30 Episodes
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Finding time to quiet your mind can have real benefits for you and your child. Author, instructor, mom, and entrepreneur Mallika Chopra is our special guest. She says that meditation isn’t just repeating mantras - there are many other ways your kids can be mindful. Mallika also talks about her father Deepak Chopra and how he found meditation after going through his own personal struggles. Mindful eating is also discussed. Book Giveaway!! Enter to win one of 3 copies of Mallika Chopra's new book Just Be You being given away by @asklisapodcast. 1. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and/or LinkedIn @asklisapodcast 2. Tag a friend and leave a comment (on Instagram/Facebook/LinkedIn) 3. Enter as many times as you'd like 4. For U.S. residents only (Give-away is not sponsored or endorsed by Instagram/Facebook/LinkedIn. It will close at 11:59 p.m. EST on 3/8/21. Winners will be chosen at random and will be notified within 24 hours of the end of the give-away. Books will be mailed to the winners.) Email your questions for Dr. Lisa to: asklisa@drlisadamour.com Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com Follow us on Instagram and Twitter @asklisapodcast
A parent writes in asking for help to address a teenager's marijuana use. Some teens are turning to drugs in this pandemic as they are looking for ways to cope with the sadness and boredom. Dr. Lisa explains what actually works in getting kids to stop using drugs and how to talk with kids in a way that's likely to keep them from becoming involved with drugs in the first place. Dr. Lisa talks about choices kids might make in the pandemic that could have irreversible consequences, while also offering tips on positive coping. Reena asks when adults should be concerned about their own behavior with regard to alcohol or marijuana use. BOOK GIVEAWAY: Thrivers: The Surprising Reason Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine, by Dr. Michele Borba Enter to win one of 3 books being given away by @asklisapodcast. 1. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and/or LinkedIn @asklisapodcast 2. Tag a friend and leave a comment (on Instagram/Facebook/LinkedIn) 3. Enter as many times as you'd like 4. For U.S. residents only (Give-away is not sponsored or endorsed by Instagram/Facebook/LinkedIn. It will close at 11:59 p.m. EST on 3/1/21. Winners will be chosen at random and will be notified within 24 hours of the end of the give-away. Books will be mailed to the winners.) Email your questions for Dr. Lisa to: asklisa@drlisadamour.com Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com Follow us on Instagram and Twitter @asklisapodcast
Should you speak up when you disagree with the approach other families are taking with their Covid rules? Reena discusses the latest news on the spread of the British mutation and Dr. Lisa describes the mental maneuvers we make when trying to rationalize behavior. How do we find peace when we feel uneasy with what other families are doing? And how do you talk with children about the fact that different families follow different rules? For Children Everywhere - “A Million Thanks” collects and sends millions of letters thanking and supporting our active, reserve, and veteran military. Generosity can come in the form of writing letters or sending art work - all your child needs to send is a picture or note. The organization does request a $1 donation for postage as they sort letters to get into the hands of those who need the mail the most: https://amillionthanks.org/ Email your questions for Dr. Lisa to: asklisa@drlisadamour.com Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com Follow us on Instagram and Twitter @asklisapodcast
When kids hit thirteen they often become highly emotional. What happens in the brain and the body during this time? Dr. Lisa explains and also talks about the process of "separation-individuation" where young people seek to define their own identities - often by being hard on their folks. Parents sometimes assume that age thirteen is the beginning of adolescence. But is it really? And how can you help a tween or teen who's having an emotional meltdown? Dr. Lisa has good news: the intensity of early adolescence doesn’t last forever and there are effective things parents can do to manage bumpy moments with their teen. BOOK GIVEAWAY: 14 Talks By Age 14: The Essential Conversations You Need to Have with Your Kids Before They Start High School; by Michelle Icard Enter to win one of 3 books being given away by @asklisapodcast. 1. Follow us on Instagram and/or Facebook @asklisapodcast 2. Tag a friend and leave a comment (on Instagram/Facebook) 3. Enter as many times as you'd like 4. For U.S. residents only (Give-away is not sponsored or endorsed by Instagram/Facebook. It will close at 11:59 p.m. EST on 2/15/21. Winners will be chosen at random and will be notified within 24 hours of the end of the give-away. Books will be mailed to the winners.)
How do you get kids to understand the importance of hygiene? A mom writes in that her son is making life unbearable at home because he refuses to take regular showers since he has spent much of the year learning remotely. Dr. Lisa explains the concept of habituation - the process of growing accustomed to sensory input - and discusses with Reena the science behind sensation and perception. Lisa offers strategies to help kids understand why they can't smell themselves and gives guidance on when, as a parent, it's time to lay down the law. Reena and Lisa also talk about the sweet smell of success. Reena’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers made it to the Super Bowl. What life lessons can Tom Brady and Gronk teach us from the football field? Lisa's 1/29/29 article in The New York Times: Helping a Teen Who Is Angry About House Rules on Covid BOOK GIVEAWAY: Dr. Cara Natterson's books on puberty: "The Care & Keeping of You" (Book 1 for younger girls & Book 2 for older girls) and "Guy Stuff." Enter to win one set of all 3 books being given away by @asklisapodcast. 1. Follow us on Instagram and/or Facebook @asklisapodcast 2. Tag a friend and leave a comment (on Instagram/Facebook) 3. Enter as many times as you'd like 4. For U.S. residents only (Give-away is not sponsored or endorsed by Instagram/Facebook. It will close at 11:59 p.m. EST on 2/8/21. Winners will be chosen at random and will be notified within 24 hours of the end of the give-away. Books will be mailed to the winners.) Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan
A single mom writes in feeling worried because her daughter is questioning her gender. Dr. Lisa explains what we understand about gender identity and sexual orientation, and offers advice on what to do when you are at an impasse with your child. Parents often feel they need to drive the bus on getting to a desired outcome, but that's not usually the best approach. Lisa and Reena talk about how to think with your child about complex and delicate topics, and Lisa explains what teenagers really respect in adults. She also discusses research she uncovered about the parent-child relationship while writing Untangled that might surprise you. Lisa's 10/7/20 book review in The New York Times: 'Tomboy’ Looks at Gender Roles, and Role-Playing, Through the Ages BOOK GIVEAWAY: Dr. Lisa Damour’s “Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood.” Enter to win one of 3 copies being given away by @asklisapodcast. 1. Follow us on Instagram and/or Facebook @asklisapodcast 2. Tag a friend and leave a comment (on Instagram/Facebook) 3. Enter as many times as you'd like 4. For U.S. residents only (Give-away is not sponsored or endorsed by Instagram/Facebook. It will close at 11:59 p.m. EST on 2/1/21. Winners will be chosen at random and will be notified within 24 hours of the end of the give-away. Books will be mailed to the winners.) Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan
It’s not always easy to be the grownup in the room. What are the teachable moments for our children as we watch alarming events unfold in Washington DC? How do you move beyond intense polarization? Lisa talks about research conducted by social psychologist, Henri Tajfel, who survived WW II only because his German captors never discovered that he was Jewish. Tajfel explains how the Nazis are not so different from us. How does his research apply to present day and the recent Capitol Hill riots? How do you help kids see when they’re dehumanizing other people? Reena asks about radicalization online and cancel culture. Lisa explains how you can help your family work against discrimination and prejudice. Lisa's 1.7.20 article in The New York Times: Parenting While Shocked BOOK GIVEAWAY: New York Times personal finance columnist Ron Lieber's new book publishes next week! Enter to win one of 3 copies being given away by @asklisapodcast. 1. Follow us on Instagram and/or Facebook @asklisapodcast 2. Tag a friend and leave a comment (on Instagram/Facebook) 3. Enter as many times as you'd like 4. For U.S. residents only (Give-away is not sponsored or endorsed by Instagram/Facebook. It will close at 11:59 p.m. EST on 1/25/21. Winners will be chosen at random and will be notified within 24 hours of the end of the give-away. Books will be mailed to the winners directly from the publisher.) Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan
Parents are finding it hard to get their children to feel motivated about school, especially when they are learning remotely. Dr. Lisa explains strategies that might help and how parents can help kids keep the academic train on its tracks. Lisa and Reena talk about supporting children for whom school is an uphill battle, even under normal conditions, and what parents should do if they are the ones who feel like they are drowning. Reena talks about the emotional experience she had selling an old sofa and how it put into perspective the struggle many parents are going through. For Children Everywhere - UNICEF works in 180 different countries and territories to save children’s lives and protect their rights. https://www.unicef.org/ Join us this Friday, Jan 15th, 2021 at 3pm EST on Instagram Live @asklisapodcast. We will be taking your parenting questions live! Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast   @LDamour @ReenaNinan Sent from my iPhone
Lisa and Reena kick off the new year with a look at positive psychology. What is it and how exactly does it work? How do you stay positive when things aren’t rosy? Reena asks about the psychology of manifesting. Does it really work? They also look at sadness and happiness. Lisa shares why the two emotions don't cancel each other out but, instead, often live side by side. In other words, the presence of negative does not mean the absence of positive. Lisa explains that what psychologists call "pleasure scheduling" can help boost mood and also covers the critical importance of our personal running narratives - or "self-talk." For Children Everywhere - Brain & Behavior Research Foundation is the nation’s top non-governmental founder of mental health research grants to scientists. Www.BBRFoundation.org Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast  @LDamour @ReenaNinan
When can your kids get vaccinated? If my child has recovered from Covid-19, how long does immunity last? How do you know when it’s really safe to send your kids back to school?  Lisa and Reena get answers to key medical questions about kids and Covid-19 with special guest expert, pediatrician Dr. Cara Natterson.  CARA NATTERSON, MD, is a pediatrician who has been helping schools with Covid-19 health and safety plans and a New York Times bestselling author of puberty and parenting books. Dr. Natterson pens a weekly newsletter about the intersection of science, parenting, and the coronavirus. Learn more about Dr. Natterson and subscribe to her newsletter at www.worryproofmd.com. For Children Everywhere - The American Lung Association supports your breath through education, advocacy and groundbreaking research. With COVID-19, the lung disease that has stopped the world, support to the Lung Association is needed now more than ever. Donate at www.lung.org Talk to your child about vaping with the American Lung Association's Get Your Head Out of the Cloud conversation guide. Lisa was honored to help develop the conversation guide in collaboration with the American Lung Association. Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast  @LDamour @ReenaNinan
We like to think that time can heal a lot, but when do we need to worry about the pandemic's lasting impact on our children? Lisa introduces us to the concept of “ordinary magic” - protective processes that happen at home which can shield children from persistently difficult circumstances. Lisa and Reena discuss the research on resilience and what it teaches us about kids who thrive during hardship and how parents can help. Resources on resiliency: Check out Reena’s show on YouTube “The Rebound” for stories of how people have made it out of their hardest moments @itstherebound: bit.ly/381xcAf “Ordinary Magic” a book by psychologist Dr. Ann Masten. https://www.guilford.com/books/Ordinary-Magic/Ann-Masten/9781462523719/reviews For Children Everywhere - Blessings in a Backpack mobilizes communities, individuals, and resources to provide food for elementary school children across America who might otherwise go hungry. Donate at www.blessingsinabackpack.org Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast
What’s the limit for children socializing online? Many kids use social media to connect with their friends and as an escape from the monotony of this pandemic. Lisa walks us through the pros and cons of being online - from when getting lost in distractions can be a good thing to when digital technology can be detrimental to a child’s development. Lisa and Reena unpack the research on how best to take a break, especially when our kids (or we!) need to give the body a rest from stress hormones or clear out mental clutter. The episode wraps up by answering a critical question: When is it time to be concerned about our kids' online social activity? For Children Everywhere - Crisis Text Line is free 24/7 support for those in crisis. Text 741 741 from anywhere in the US to reach a trained crisis counselor. www.crisistextline.org Lisa’s most recent NYT column: How Teens Use Downtime to Connect, Distract or Reflect Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast
How do you approach your child when you know they may be struggling but won’t open up? Lisa shares what she learned when she asked teens why they sometimes clam up around their parents. Lisa and Reena consider how much parents really need to know about the details of their kid's lives and the different ways to support children and help them process their emotions, even when they play their cards close to their chests. For parents who feel that their kid broke up with them, how do you regain their trust? When should you really start to worry? For Children Everywhere - KIVA crowd funds loans for businesses in over 80 countries. The borrowers have a 96% repayment rate. Once repayment is made, you can resend again to someone else. One hundred percent of the money you give goes straight to funding the loans. Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast
Navigating the holidays under Covid has its own pressures. A season that should be marked by joy is being met with sadness and loss by so many. Lisa explains how taking time to mourn the temporary loss of our regular traditions can help us deal with, and move past, these emotions. Understanding that it won’t always feel this way can help children cope with uncertainty. The silver lining is that finding our way through intensely sad times helps to build resilience. For Children Everywhere - Feeding America is the nation’s largest domestic hunger-relief organization. It has served over 40 million people through food banks and meal programs: www.feedingamerica.org Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast
High school seniors are feeling the disruption of the pandemic as they tackle the college admissions process.  How do we help them manage these uncertain times while they plan the next chapter of their lives? Special guest and New York Times bestselling author Jeff Selingo joins us to answer your questions about applying to college in a pandemic. Drawing on research from his brand new book, Who Gets In & Why: A Year Inside College Admissions, Jeff explains what he learned while embedded with three university admissions offices. How do admissions gatekeepers decide who gets in? How can applicants stand out? Are schools doing away with the SAT/ACT? How much do grades really matter? How are universities changing their approach to admissions in light of the pandemic? Jeff answers these questions and more. For Children Everywhere - Girlstart inspires girls in STEM. Their mission is to increase girls’ interest and engagement in STEM through innovative, informal STEM education programs: www.girlstart.org For more on Jeff Selingo, check out https://www.jeffselingo.com/ Lisa's New York Times article about taking a gap year: Getting Into College Doesn't Mean Students are Ready to Go Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter @AskLisaPodcast
How do dads differ from moms when it comes to raising kids? Lisa unpacks the research on the different roles each parent plays while pointing out that there are no hard and fast gender lines in parenting and that you don't have to be a parent to play a powerful role in a child's life. Lisa and Reena talk about the dynamics that often unfold between dads and daughters and mothers and sons, especially in the context of adolescence. What do all kids want? They want to feel valued and admired. For Children Everywhere - Jumpstart is a national early education organization giving kids help with literacy and social-emotional programming for preschool children from under-resourced communities.  It promotes quality early learning for all children: https://www.jstart.org/ Email your questions for Dr. Lisa to: asklisa@drlisadamour.com Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com Follow us on Instagram and Twitter @asklisapodcast
Students are finding it hard to focus on school in the midst of a pandemic. But laying a good foundation for how homework gets done is a skill that can be carried into adulthood. Lisa explains the psychological research behind two different kinds of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic. Is it appropriate to reward kids for doing their work? Lisa discusses what parents can do to help kids self-motivate and stay on task. Lisa's October column in The New York Times: How to Do School When Motivation Has Gone Missing https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/29/well/family/teenagers-motivation-school.html For Children Everywhere -  GoFundMe.org’s Covid-19 Relief Fund financially supports people impacted by the pandemic and organizations helping with relief efforts: https://www.gofundme.com/f/covid19-relief-cause-fund Special Guest Jeff Selingo, author of “Who Gets In and Why: A Year Inside College Admissions,” will be joining us in an upcoming episode. Send us your college admission questions to AskLisa@DrLisaDamour.com and we'll pose them to Jeff. Follow us on Instagram at @asklisapodcast @Lisa.Damour @ReenaNinan Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com
How can parents help children cultivate the ability to have tough conversations? How do we teach tolerance? Lisa explains the building blocks of civil discourse and the emotional and developmental skills that help kids engage peers constructively on the charged topics of politics and race. Laurel's Center for Research on Girls, civil discourse resources (scroll down for "Engaging in Civil Discourse" brief): https://lcrg.laurelschool.org/research/lcrg-research-briefs For Children Everywhere - iCivics is an online resource founded in 2009 by Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor to provide free resources for civics education: https://www.icivics.org The Rebound: Watch the first episode on how a former NFL player rebounded from police brutality. New YouTube show hosted by Reena Ninan about coming out of your worst moments: www.youtube.com/TheReboundwithReenaNinan Email your questions for Dr. Lisa to: asklisa@drlisadamour.com Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com Follow us on Instagram and Twitter @asklisapodcast
Eating concerns are an issue in many families, especially during the Coronavirus pandemic. What should a parent look out for? When is it time to be concerned? And what happens in the mind of someone who struggles with an eating disorder? A new survey by WETA/PBS Newshour finds that teenagers ranked body image as their top source of concern in the pandemic - with boys expressing this worry almost as often as girls. Lisa looks at the factors exacerbating this problem: social media, the wish for control, and more. Lisa is also featured in a virtual conversation sponsored by WETA/PBS Newshour called “Wellbeings: Teens, Covid, and Coping.” Watch at: https://wellbeings.org/ For Children Everywhere - Chef Jose Andres’ World Central Kitchen which provides food where it’s needed the most from voting polls to disaster areas: https://wck.org/ Email your questions for Dr. Lisa to: asklisa@drlisadamour.com Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com
Parents are faced with new pressures under Covid-19, and many of us are barely holding it together. When does having personal struggles translate into bad parenting? While it's important to be honest with our kids, Lisa explains what’s not okay for your kids to see and experience as you are working through a difficult time. Adding to the pressure, many parents have lost their supportive networks. We no longer see other parents during school pick-up or on the sidelines of soccer games. It may be time to find our new “soccer sideline” groups. Reena also talks about her fear of winter coming in a brainstorming session about how we'll cope. Lisa explains the research on how having breaks to look forward to can help your mental health. Lisa & Reena also announce a new weekly segment called “For Children Everywhere.” One charity will be spotlighted each week for listeners who would like to donate. This week's organization, "Women's Bean Project" is based in Lisa’s hometown of Denver, Colorado. It helps unemployed women return to the work force: https://www.womensbeanproject.com/ Email your questions for Dr. Lisa to: asklisa@drlisadamour.com Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com
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