Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting

A parent writes in asking how to pick up the pieces after her daughter shared a nude selfie with a boyfriend who then sent it to other boys at school. Dr. Lisa and Reena talk about how impulsive moments can lead to serious consequences, what can be done to make things right, and the legal implications of sharing nude photos. The episode also addresses what to say to kids about requesting, sending, or unexpectedly receiving nude photos, and the simple--but often overlooked--change to school policy that can make a big difference.  Dr. Lisa’s Resources The New York Times, 1/2/18; Teenagers, Stop Asking for Nude Photos; By Dr. Lisa Damour Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Getting kids to do things without hounding them can seem impossible. This week the Ask Lisa Podcast presents an encore episode on nagging. At what age should kids be expected to manage their responsibilities without constant reminders? Dr. Lisa explains how parents can help kids remember to do things on their own. What else works besides nagging? Reena asks for strategies to help parents at home. Lisa introduces us to psychologist Haim Ginott who offers the perfect phrasing for motivating kids.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Additional resources: https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by: Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you deal with grief and explain death to your kids? Knowing that you are losing a parent is difficult but how do you also help your kids process what will be coming? Dr. Lisa explains what kids need at different ages when processing grief and answers a parent’s question on how often kids should visit dying grandparents. Reena asks where parents are most likely to miss the mark when dealing with grief. Dr. Lisa explains why honesty is hugely important, and talks with Reena about how to prepare kids for funerals.  Dr. Lisa’s Books Recommendations on Grief Fall of Freddy the Leaf, By Leo Buscaglia, PhD The Tenth Good Thing About Barney, By Judith Viorst  What’s Heaven?, By Maria Shriver Grief Day By Day,By Jan Warner The AfterGrief: Finding Your Way Along the Long Arc of Loss, By Hope Edelman Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Not getting into desired colleges can be devastating for teens and their parents. How can you help your child move past what feels like a major life setback? Dr. Lisa provides language that might be helpful in navigating this delicate moment. What do you say to friends and neighbors who put teens or their parents in an uncomfortable spot? Reena asks how you can help teens deal with feeling disappointed - and perhaps bitter about where other classmates got in - especially when they’ve put in a lot of hard work. Dr. Lisa also reminds parents that, regardless of where teens are going to college, there may still be work to do to get them ready for freshman year.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent writes in that her teen sent a group text to his classmates that contained racial and homophobic slurs about another kid. He thought he was being funny, but quickly realized that his classmates didn't agree. The boy and his parents understand that there's a price to pay for his actions, but his mom worries that he may be canceled. Dr. Lisa walks us through the long road ahead to try to make things right and the fact that redemption isn't always guaranteed. Reena asks how children can learn from their mistakes if they are being canceled? How can kids move down the road to repair? Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent discovers an alarming text about a classmate on her kid's phone and wonders if she should confront her child. How do you address text messages that you were not meant to see? Dr. Lisa walks us though how to weigh your child's safety with the need to build trust. When should you tell a fellow parent if you have intel on their child? Reena wonders why you shouldn’t just pick up the phone and call the other parent. Lisa explains how and when to pass along information about another child without damaging your relationship with your own.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you teach kids about justice and fairness? Special Guest Preet Bharara joins the Ask Lisa Podcast to discuss his new children's book, Justice Is...A Guide for Young Truth Seekers. The conversation addresses the many ways adults can inspire young people to fight injustice and defend the truth. Dr. Lisa and Reena ask Preet, a former U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, about his experiences raising his own children, bouncing back from hard times, and the key lessons we should teach our children. Purchase a signed copy of Preet’s new children’s book: https://booksofwonder.com/products/9780593176627 Checkout live events with Preet & Cafe: http://cafe.com/events Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do kids suddenly turn on their friends and ice them out of a group? It’s something Dr. Lisa says she's been hearing about more often. Kids need shared interests to hold their groups together and that "social glue" has been depleted by the pandemic. We take a look at how negative behavior can emerge among friends and become destructive. Reena asks if adults should call out mean girl behavior or reach out to other parents when social groups turn sour. Dr. Lisa covers what kids should do when classmates are nice to them one-on-one but won't include them in groups at school. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A dad writes in asking if it's okay to celebrate his daughter’s appearance and how this might help, or hurt, her self-confidence. How do we help kids feel good about themselves and their bodies, especially when they are bombarded by images on social media that have them worried about their looks? Dr. Lisa and Reena talk about when it's okay to talk about appearance, when it's best to say nothing, and how to handle it when teens present themselves in ways that are not appropriate. Reena asks for tips on how to talk to our kids about physical appearance in a world that is already so focused on good looks.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Checkout Dr. Lisa’s website for more resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Nobody likes being lied to, especially by our own children. Why do kids lie? Dr. Lisa looks at lying from a developmental standpoint and points out that when a child asks for more privacy, it doesn't necessarily mean they’re doing something sneaky. But when a child does lie, how should a parent respond? Dr. Lisa explains the difference between a child feeling appropriately guilty, and a child being made to feel shame. The bottom line? How you respond to dishonesty can make an important difference in how kids behave.  Dr. Lisa’s Resources: Lisa’s NYT’s column: How to Help a Teen Out of a Homework Hole Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Additional resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A step-parent asks for Dr. Lisa’s help as she finds herself parenting three kids under eight, two of them step-children. Should step-parents discipline differently? Dr. Lisa talks about what parents can do to keep kids from feeling stuck in a loyalty conflict between their parent and step-parent. Reena asks about common mistakes step-parents make when forming a relationship with step-kids. Dr. Lisa also explains how weekday parenting can be different from weekend parenting. She maps out how you can create a framework to make multiple households run smoothly. What do you do if one home feels like Disney World and another is more strict? The co-hosts discuss how playing the long-game can make all the difference.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Additional resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A parent from Connecticut wants to know if it’s acceptable for her teen to spend the night at her boyfriend’s house. How should parents approach a conversation like this one? What do you do if your values are not the same as other parents'? The Dutch approach teen romance very differently than Americans do. Dr. Lisa explains the cross-cultural research on teens and sex. Reena asks how to move beyond an impasse with your kid and Dr. Lisa explains why there is value in having some tension with teens.  Dr. Lisa’s Resource Recommendation Brugman, M., Caron, S. L., and Rademakers, J. (2010). Emerging adolescent sexuality: A comparison of American and Dutch college women’s experiences. International Journal of Sexual Health 22 (1), 32–46, p. 39. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Additional resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

No one wants to be that nagging parent. Dr. Lisa explains how the trickiest transition in parenting might be when nagging no longer works with your teen. At these times, is bribing a good strategy? Dr. Lisa walks us through different approaches to motivating kids and how to respond when they reflexively say "no." Reena and Lisa discuss when it might make sense to bribe a teen to get better grades. Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Additional resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What are the signs a teen is suffering from depression and needs help? Dr. Lisa explains what you need to watch for. Reena asks what parents should do if their teen refuses help, and how parents can bring up therapy without making a teen feel worse. Lisa explains that teens often worry that they are broken - a narrative that needs to be considered when offering help. Dr. Lisa explains how she found inspiration from an unexpected reality star, Dog the Bounty Hunter, and also mentions a major change for licensed clinicians that might make it easier to find the right therapist.  Dr. Lisa’s Resource Recommendation PSYPACT is an interstate compact that allows registered psychologists to practice across state boundaries: https://psypact.site-ym.com/page/About Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Additional resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  Www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you build confidence in kids? How do you lay the groundwork for better self-esteem? What age does confidence start to plummet in girls? Dr. Lisa and Reena tackle these questions, explain where self-esteem comes from, and cover how parents can help children feel good about themselves in this encore episode.  Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn @AskLisaPodcast, @LDamour, @ReenaNinan Additional resources:  https://www.drlisadamour.com/ Ask Lisa is produced by:  www.GoodTroubleProductions.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices