Attach Together

What happens to attachment patterns when therapy moves from a one-to-one relationship into a group?In this episode of Attached Together, attachment-based psychotherapist and supervisor Georgina Sturmer is joined by psychotherapist, author and group facilitator Sarah Dosanjh, widely known as The Binge Eating Therapist.Drawing on Sarah’s experience of running therapy groups, support groups, courses and workshops, they explore attachment in group therapy and the extraordinary amount that can become visible when people are relating not only to a therapist, but to one another.Sarah describes the importance of creating a clear purpose for a group and preparing people for what participation will actually involve. She also shares one of the questions she asks new members: “Who are you in a group?”It is a deceptively simple question.People arrive in groups with a lifetime of experience of belonging, adapting, caregiving, staying quiet, taking up space, managing conflict and protecting themselves. For some of Sarah’s clients, people-pleasing and caregiving can create a warm and supportive group while also making it easier to focus on everyone else rather than themselves.The conversation explores what makes a therapy group different from a support group, including Sarah’s repeated invitation to notice what is happening internally even while somebody else is speaking.Georgina and Sarah also consider rupture and conflict, the therapist’s own reactions when tensions emerge, and the things that may remain unsaid when group members find disagreement difficult to tolerate.They look at the particular experience of online groups, boundaries around contact outside the group, and why an emotionally intimate connection created within therapy does not necessarily translate easily into friendship elsewhere.And then there are endings.Sarah describes what can happen when somebody announces that they are leaving: the group member whose immediate thought is, “Was it me?”, the different ways people approach goodbye, and the therapist’s own attachment responses to departures.There is also an unusually candid exploration of therapist fallibility. Sarah recalls making a comment to a group member that she intended as teasing but realised had landed with a bite. Rather than allowing the moment to disappear, she returned to it, acknowledged what had happened and invited the group to explore its impact.The episode offers a thoughtful reminder that therapeutic safety does not require a therapist to become a perfect facilitator. Rupture, uncertainty, endings and mistakes can themselves become part of the work.For therapists curious about starting a group, Sarah also shares practical observations from years of group work, from defining a clear niche and setting a start date to establishing boundaries and commitment.Above all, the conversation explores why group therapy can offer something that individual therapy cannot quite replicate: attachment patterns unfolding between peers, in real time.Optima Attachment Training:UK: https://www.optimaattachment.co.uk/AUS: https://www.optimaattachment.com.au/Listeners can access a CPD certificate and reflection pack for this episode here.

What happens when attachment theory is applied without enough attention to culture, faith, migration, identity or power?In this episode of Attached Together, Optima lecturer, psychotherapist and supervisor Uruj Anjum is joined by Myira Khan, an award-winning accredited counsellor, supervisor, coach, trainer, author and founder of the Muslim Counsellor and Psychotherapist Network (MCAPN).Together, they explore attachment theory and culture through an anti-oppressive lens, asking what can be missed when ideas about secure attachment are applied too literally or through culturally dominant assumptions.Myira considers attachment as something shaped within a much broader relational world. What changes when a child grows up with several caregivers rather than one primary caregiver? How might migration, displacement, racism, Islamophobia or a changing sense of home affect experiences of safety, rejection and belonging? And what happens when therapists either fail to ask about identity at all, or focus so heavily on one part of a client’s identity that the rest of the person disappears from view?The conversation also explores culturally attuned therapy with Muslim clients. Myira challenges the assumption that sharing a faith identity makes people’s experiences of that faith the same, and discusses why clients should not have to become their therapist’s teacher on Islam, culture or identity.An ethical dilemma brings these ideas into the counselling room. If a Muslim client facing loss, infertility or a difficult diagnosis says they are “leaving it in Allah’s hands”, should a therapist understand this as avoidance? Or might faith be offering hope, security and an active way of relating to something beyond the client’s control?Rather than reaching too quickly for a label, Myira invites therapists to become curious about what the belief means to that individual and what their decision to come to therapy already tells us.The episode closes with a deceptively simple challenge to therapeutic neutrality: the work happens between two whole people. Culture, identity, attachment patterns and lived experience do not stay outside the counselling room.As Myira puts it: “human first, therapist second.”Learn more about Optima Attachment Training:https://www.optimaattachment.co.uk/Listeners can also access a CPD certificate for this episode.

What happens when an AI relationship starts to feel safer, easier or more dependable than a relationship with another person?In this episode of Attached Together, Jo, psychotherapist and clinical supervisor, is joined by Georgina Sturmer, an integrative attachment-based therapist, supervisor and lecturer in counselling and on Optima Attachment Training’s Level 5 Diploma.Their conversation looks at AI relationships and attachment from an unusually human angle. What begins with chatbots offering encouragement soon moves into AI companions, romantic partners and avatars designed to recreate people who have died.That raises some uncomfortable questions.If somebody can recreate the voice and characteristics of a person they have lost, could that support a continuing bond in grief - or make it harder to face the reality of the loss? And what happens when somebody creates an AI version of an ex-partner, or potentially even their therapist?The conversation considers why AI and attachment styles may be particularly interesting for therapists. Someone with anxious attachment might be drawn to the reassurance of something that is always available. Someone with avoidant attachment may find closeness easier when it does not require the same interpersonal vulnerability. For someone with disorganised attachment, the predictability of AI may offer relief from relationships that have previously felt chaotic or unsafe.Jo and Georgina also consider what AI cannot easily reproduce.Therapy is not simply about receiving empathic words. It involves two separate minds, embodied co-regulation, boundaries, misunderstanding, transference and countertransference - and the experience of rupture and repair.The episode introduces the provocative idea of AI becoming a “pseudo-secure base”: something that appears to offer reliable soothing and security while potentially leaving the person increasingly dependent on something that cannot participate in a reciprocal human relationship.The discussion includes:• AI companions, avatars and romantic relationships• grief, continuing bonds and recreating someone who has died• the Eliza effect and attributing human qualities to technology• anxious, avoidant and disorganised attachment patterns• reassurance, emotional regulation and dependency• mentalisation and the importance of a genuinely separate mind• human co-regulation and embodied relationships• transference, fantasy and AI versions of therapists• rupture and repair• how therapists can respond without shame or premature judgementRather than deciding whether these relationships are simply good or bad, the episode returns to a more useful clinical position: curiosity about what the relationship provides and what need the person may be trying to meet.Optima Attachment Training:Optima Attachment TrainingListeners can also access a CPD certificate for this episode:Access the CPD certificate

Dreams can reveal parts of a client’s inner world that are not always easy to reach through conversation alone. Through attachment theory, they may offer clues about attachment styles, relationships and what a client expects when they feel vulnerable or need someone.In this episode of The Attach Together Podcast, Jane is joined by Gav McKee to explore attachment dreams in therapy.Rather than treating dreams as puzzles to decode, Gav looks at the relationships within them: who is there when the client is frightened, what happens when they need help, and whether others feel available, distant or unsafe.The conversation explores how anxious, avoidant and disorganised attachment may appear in dream themes, while avoiding fixed interpretations. Gav also shares practical ways therapists can work with dream material with curiosity, without imposing meaning.You'll hear about:• Retelling a dream in the present tense• Listening for emotions and relational patterns• Exploring significant figures through an IFS-informed lens• Experimenting with different perspectives within a dream• Working with unfinished or recurring dreams• Noticing what happens when the therapist appears in the client's dream• Recognising possible shifts towards earned secure attachmentGav also considers how dreams may change during therapy. A client who once faced everything alone might begin asking for help. Someone may arrive when they're distressed. A frightening figure may lose some of its threat.We can't treat those changes as proof of earned security, but they may give us another glimpse of an internal working model beginning to shift.The episode closes with a clinical dilemma: what happens when a recurring dream is so frightening that talking about it overwhelms the client?However rich the material may be, there are times when exploration needs to wait.If a client is becoming dysregulated, our first task is to offer enough relational safety for them to remain present. Gav describes this as trying to read a map in the middle of a storm. The map may contain something useful, but first we need shelter.Chapters01:28 Why dreams matter in therapy04:15 Why do we dream?07:16 Dreams and attachment theory09:23 Attachment styles in dreams12:52 Working creatively with dreams17:44 When a client dreams about their therapist20:20 Dreams and earned secure attachment23:31 Curiosity rather than interpretation26:15 Recurring and frightening dreams28:50 Regulation, safety and the secure baseCommon questionsWhat can dreams reveal about attachment?They may offer clues about what a person expects from relationships, particularly when they need comfort, protection or connection.Should therapists interpret clients' dreams?The approach explored here is less about finding the “correct” meaning and more about helping the client become curious about their own experience.What if dream work overwhelms the client?Slow down. Safety and regulation come before exploration.A CPD Reflection Pack accompanies this episode, with reflective questions, supervision prompts and ideas for bringing dream work into attachment-informed practice.If this conversation brings a colleague, supervisee or fellow trainee to mind, please share the episode with them.

Attachment theory child therapy looks beyond a child’s behaviour to the relationships and systems around them. In this episode of Attach Together, Georgina Sturmer and child and adolescent psychotherapist Alix Hearn explore attachment, play, intergenerational patterns, place and therapeutic relationships.What is a systemic approach to attachment?A systemic approach to attachment looks at the relationships, histories and environments surrounding a child, rather than locating difficulty within the child alone. Alix explores how family, education, culture, trauma and wider systems can shape a child’s experience, drawing on Bronfenbrenner’s ecological model to support attachment-informed formulation.In this episodeGeorgina and Alix explore:Why attachment needs to be understood relationally and systemicallyThe limitations of focusing solely on a child’s behaviourIntergenerational attachment patterns and traumaTherapeutic relationships with parents and carersPlay as a language of relationship in child therapyAttachment, belonging and the “more-than-human world”Place attachment and physical environmentsChildren’s agency and choice in therapyHow systems can recreate relational difficultiesThe ethics of very short-term therapeutic workAlix also raises an important clinical question: when a child has experienced repeated loss, disruption or relational trauma, is offering six sessions necessarily better than offering no therapy at that point? Might supporting an adult or another part of the child’s wider system sometimes be more appropriate?The discussion leaves space for practitioners to think about these questions rather than suggesting a universal answer.Common questionsWhat is attachment theory in child therapy?Attachment theory in child therapy helps us consider how experiences of safety, connection, separation and relationships may shape how a child relates to themselves and others.How do attachment styles affect relationships?Attachment patterns can influence expectations of closeness, safety, care and connection. Alix encourages curiosity about these patterns without reducing people to fixed categories.Why consider the wider system?A child’s difficulties may make more sense when considered alongside family relationships, intergenerational experiences, education, culture, professional systems and environment.What role does play have in attachment-informed therapy?For younger children in particular, play can be a primary language through which relationship, emotion and experience are communicated.Chapters00:00 Welcome to Attach Together01:40 Rethinking attachment through systems and environment04:22 Intergenerational attachment and family formulation05:46 The circles and systems surrounding a child09:34 Building trust with parents and carers11:19 Working therapeutically with families12:32 Play as the language of child therapy17:25 Children’s agency and choice in therapy19:16 Place attachment and the more-than-human world23:37 Ethical dilemma: is short-term therapy always helpful?ResourcesAlix Hearn: alixhearn.co.ukBook: Places of Safety: How Attachment Shapes Our ParentingOptima: OptimaAttachment.co.ukListeners can also access a CPD certificate to record their professional learning.