AuDHD Flourishing

Chronic shame makes us feel all kinds of terrible things that often are the triggers that send people to therapy.It's caused in part by relational rupture without repair, especially as an infant and child.While there's no quick fix, recognizing the signs and beginning to gently work with it does help over time.This is episode 10 of a series of 10 that started with 102 AuDHD Therapy That Works with Joe SostaI'm working on some more materials to pull all these episodes together in a useful way and will add that here when they're done! Crisis Resources:USA-based anonymous crisis chatInternational crisis linesVarious types of crisis resources in about 10 countriesMy Medium article, "Please Stay, We Need You"Mentioned in episode: Book Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame: Healing Right Brain Relational Trauma (I recommend this 2nd edition, affiliate link)Whack-a-Mole Workshop slides/notes and recordings (latter is free & requires free login; a downloadable PDF is also available there on Patreon)AuDHD Flourishing resources:Transcript DocMattia's NewsletterLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Darren Glencross was diagnosed near the beginning of 2025, and since then has written multiple books and come up with a new framework for people to explore outside of the medical model. It includes: Pattern Language, Inner Orbit with 12 satellites (and Their Orbit), and the Carry KitIt's exciting to explore community-led models!Connect with Darren: Message on Instagram @beaconwithinDarren Glencross on LinkedInMentioned in episode:Love Your Brain course (& Sep-Oct live round details)Free workshops already concluded, and will be available most likely in the Patreon soon (I'll update this when they're somewhere!)You may also email questions about Love Your Brain to mattia@mattiamauree.comResources:Transcript DocMattia's NewsletterLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

AuDHD brains face many challenges when it comes to projects. It's something I've put a great deal of time and learning into, both personally and professionally. This episode covers many ideas and approaches that tend to work for us.Key Takeaways:We usually learn to use what I call the Adrenaline-Anxiety Approach. While effective short-term, it can lead to burnout and other issues.A monotropic approach is more sustainable and individualized... and it can feel slow at first.Experimentation as a core toolCreating just enough structure and safety to get going, without getting bogged down (loose planning)Working with the brain states you haveManaging interruptions, inputs, and daily lifeFinding the balance that works for youThe episode also walks through the Love Your Brain course, designed to help AuDHDers understand their mind-body system, work with brain states, and navigate project challenges. The course emphasizes self-compassion, experimentation, and building processes tailored to individual needs.Repost - originally posted July 12th 2024Note: not strictly in the current 10-episode series, but still relevant!Links mentioned:Devon Price's Laziness Does Not Exist article, and a PDF if you're not on MediumThe transcript may be especially useful for this episode! (It'll take a few seconds for the link to fully load to this episode)Love Your Brain course (and the Sep/Oct 2025 live round info) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This ep also available on YouTube"use more lube:" do what you need to do to make life easier, more comfortable, and more pleasurable for you in the moment.This goes beyond sensory needs, though that's often where we start.You may not be sure what you want on the grand scale (or it feels impossible to get there). But being kind to yourself, and meeting your needs moment-to-moment, helps create a communication feedback loop with the body.Better communication and care for the body makes everything easier.ep. 8 in an interconnected 10-episode seriesMentioned in episode:Free Workshops registration linkLove Your Brain course (& Sep-Oct live round details)Resources:Transcript DocMattia's NewsletterLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Intuition has been a way to interface with my body, even when the relationship with my body was contentious.While I won't share the trauma stories that led to the subtitle (Intuition Saved My Life), I have a variety of examples of how unconscious information can surface in a useful way.ep. 7 in an interconnected 10-episode seriesMentioned in episode:Free Workshops registration linkLove Your Brain course (& Sep-Oct live round details)Resources:Transcript DocMattia's NewsletterLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It often feels easiest to do what's right in front of us. And that's lovely, a lot of the time, and uses our strengths!And... it starts to feel bad if we're in whack-a-mole mode almost all of the time, and don't have spacious time to comprehend the whole of our experience.This ties into our sensory needs and leans more into the psychological side of these needs.Mentioned in episode:Free Workshops registration linkLove Your Brain course (& Sep-Oct live round details)Resources:Transcript DocMattia's NewsletterLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Maria Bowler recently published the book Making Time: A New Vision for Crafting a Life beyond Productivity. It's a relaxing take on doing what you want to do, and feeling okay while doing it.One of the main themes is being present, and being true to yourself even if you're doing boring stuff you don't want to do. Finding those moments of resonance that turn the entire activity into building self-trust.If you already read the book and found it resonant even though it doesn't mention AuDHD... that's because Maria is AuDHD and snuck all that good neurodivergent content in!Connect with Maria: Maria's website, MariaBowler.comMaria's Substackthe book Making Time (affiliate link)Resources:Transcript DocMattia's NewsletterLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Autistic community has taken many approaches to reframing what the diagnostic criteria calls "Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts." There's the double-empathy problem, for example, in which Autistic people have an easier time understanding each other where allistics struggle and vice versa. Childhood Emotional Neglect, while a relatively new idea from 2012, aligns remarkably with autistic social "deficits." While I'm by no means trying to draw a single causal line, I also wonder in this episode if maybe some of our social difficulties are actually signs of CEN. Even if our parents were quite well-meaning, we were more likely to experience CEN via a lack of appropriate mirroring of our internal responses, especially if our internal world was especially intense or complex. This episode covers the effects of CEN primarily. To learn more about examples of how it can develop, or how to address it, you can read the books below, or search for articles about them. Books mentioned: Running On Empty Running On Empty No MoreBoth are affiliate linksResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is also on YouTubeIf our sensory needs are not met, even an otherwise okay day will still feel... off somehow. And then that gap between how we feel and how we think we "should" feel can make it even worse (that one's not a topic in this episode, just a thing that happens).If our sensory needs ARE met, sometimes even tough circumstances can feel not that bad.To be clear, this is not about avoiding bad days, which are bound to happen sometimes!But meeting both our comfort and mental sensory needs makes everything easier. It's a big part of feeling better first.Resources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord)How Can I Help (request coaching support) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lessons learned from ~17 years of therapy over the last 20 years. How I'd approach therapy now based on that.What to look for in therapists, goal-setting in therapy, and reasons to quit your current therapist. Also connects back to last week's interview with Joe about AuDHD therapy.Links mentioned:Book Decolonizing Therapy (also mentioned last week, affiliate link)Blog post on finding a neurodivergent-affirming therapist (with links)More resources suggested by a community member:Dueling Minds, AuDHD SupportAutistic Girls Network in-person support groups for adultsADHD Support Groups in Canada (CADDAC)ADDA Virtual Support for ADHDResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Joe Sosta is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and late-realized AuDHDer. He shares some of our questions about therapy as an AuDHD adult, and we talk about the ups and downs of therapy and modalities. Note: "The Discord" mentioned is part of the Like Your Brain (Patreon) community spaceThis is the first of 7 interconnected episodes Connect with Joe:https://www.therapywithjoe.comhttps://barnliferecovery.comResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon/Discord) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Reposting popular episodes June 2025. Back atcha in July with some spicy takes!Original show notes:Pasha Marlowe speaks brilliantly about how to navigate trauma, triggers, and sensory needs in relationships as an AuDHD person.Making it concrete, we both talk about a recent meltdown with our respective partners, and how we navigated those during and after.This is a deeply un-shaming episode—we still struggle with relational trauma despite all the "work" we've done. It's okay to have a lot of needs in relationships. And we talk about how hard it can be to figure out what those are and communicate them effectively.If your neurodivergent relationship needs extra support, Pasha is one of the rare practitioners who's ND, trained in family therapy, and works with couples!Resources mentioned:Pasha's websiteNeuroqueering podcast and Mattia's guest episode@neuroqueercoach on TikTok@neuroqueercoach on InstagramNeuroqueer Heresies bookFull Transcript hereAuDHD Flourishing Newsletter signup Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In June I'm re-posting the most popular episodes from the show while I take a step back to look at the big picture. Update: the re-thinking has happened and retooling is in process :DOriginal show notes:Meltdowns and shutdowns appear to be a natural release valve for an overwhelmed autistic brain. They feel out of control and can be quite distressing.While there are ways to push them off, I experience a "point of no return" after which I need some big release or I'm going to feel terrible for days.Learning your triggers, as well as planning ahead for a safer experience if you do have a meltdown or shutdown can lessen our overall stress and shame.(One thing I forgot to record in the episode is that for me, shutdowns are almost always low-verbal or I can't speak at all.)Links:1. Meltdowns & Shutdowns* https://embrace-autism.com/meltdowns-and-shutdowns/2. How it feels to have an autistic meltdown and how you can help* https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/38f5MsC2mB5fnmCr5v77zDn/how-it-feels-to-have-an-autistic-meltdown-and-how-you-can-help3. All About ‘Autism Meltdowns’: Why They Happen and How to Cope https://psychcentral.com/autism/autism-meltdowns4. Autism Shutdown Vs Meltdown: What's the Difference? https://www.andnextcomesl.com/2022/06/autism-shutdown-vs-meltdown.htmlResources:Email listEpisode Transcript*autistic writer Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In June I'm re-posting the most popular episodes from the show while I take a step back to look at the big picture (because my monotropic brain has trouble doing that while also pumping out new content).Original show notes:What do AuDHDers need (beyond the obvious needs all humans have)? And why do those needs matter?This episode covers some important ones:Being able to engage with our interests (in a particular way)Executive Function support, without trying to make the hardest things easy or enjoyableAutonomyTrue restThe narrow path of just enough stimulationProcessing timeTo be witnessed in just the right wayRecognition that our needs vary quite a bit day to dayComing to terms with disabilitySpace and time throughout our self-discovery journeySafe enough spaces to explore what it means to be ourselfLinks mentioned:Executive function test post if you want to ask Qs or share your experienceExecutive Skills Questionnaire Revised (ESQ-R)Unmasking Autism book (affiliate link)Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary Life (course)Crisis Resources:USA-based anonymous crisis chatInternational crisis linesVarious types of crisis resources in about 10 countriesResources:Like Your Brain community spaceTranscript DocEmail Newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In June I'm reposting the most popular episodes from the show while I take a step back to look at the big picture (because my monotropic brain has trouble doing that while also pumping out new content). Mentioned in outro:Experimenting Your Way to an Extraordinary LifeOriginal show notes:AuDHD = autism + ADHD... and also I experience it as its own neurotype, and not simply two "disorders."Here are the sets of questions I asked in the episode, if you'd like to take time with them on your own:Do you feel like advice almost never works for you? Not only NT advice, but even advice from autistic OR ADHD people? That your brain either instantly knows advice won't work for you, or tries it and feels really disappointed because you did have a lot of things in common with the person who gave it to you but somehow still it felt like your body or brain were just not clicking with it?Are the internal parts of you always fighting? Do you feel like the things your body and brain want are often in complete opposition and that it's literally impossible to get your needs met, because different parts of you want such different things to feel safe, regulated, and cared for?Have you managed to build some modicum of success in an area through anxiety and adrenaline? This could be school, work, a creative pursuit, relationships. Have you received external validation for doing this thing well, all the while being absolutely terrified that it's all going to fall apart and you have no idea how to handle how your life feels and it all feels extremely precarious and painful at the day-to-day level? Do you feel the need to hide how much you're struggling, and/or if you've disclosed your struggles have they not been taken seriously?Is your energy quite cyclical, where when you feel like your brain is working you'll push yourself really really hard, and then be totally exhausted and need time to recover? And without adequate recovery time, Is burnout, or burnout-like depression (they can be similar) a frequent experience for you? Or do you live in fear of it?Thanks to Hanu Dixit for permission to use the song A Sitar Story.Full Transcript here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Time the body needs to transition, meet needs, rest and recover is NOT wasted time! I don't know that it's even possible to "waste time" outside of ableist capitalist structures. If you still have ableist thoughts, that's okay. We all do! It's worth resting anyway.Resources mentioned: Neuraluxe's post about parentificationCar fundraiser for DV survivor (my sibling)When your abuser threatens suicide articleNote about that paid Substack link:"If you are in an abusive relationship or other crisis and truly cannot afford to pay for a paid membership—not just would prefer to get content for free, but actually cannot pay—I offer no-questions-asked paid access to anyone who emails me. Please email zawn@zawn.net, and put “Substack scholarship” in the subject line. If you use any other subject line, I may not see your email. You do not need to tell me anything specific—just that you cannot afford to pay! Please note that subscription applications can take several weeks to process."Resources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you have multiple interests, realistically you probably don't have enough time to develop all of them to the degree that you'd like. And even with more targeted pursuits, many of us are busy because of real life and capitalism.What this means is that we have to make tough choices. I talk about some of the ways I've worked through this, where I'm at with it currently, and some questions to ask yourself to guide your own process.Also, it's the 100th episode!I'm committed to not running ads on this podcast (for a lot of reasons).If you'd like to support the podcast, the best ways to do so...Support the podcast & creation of free resources: One-time donation on Venmo (email mattia@mattiamauree.com for other methods)Wish list itemsPatreon podcast support tierResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

To change something, I've been playing with telling myself I'll do "a little more or less." It is less exciting than a huge plan... but also easier on my nervous system!Love Your Brain course info & live round updateResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This year I've been trying to meet my intensity needs in more "healthy" ways, while also recognizing that sometimes that doesn't feel possible. And that's okay!Love Your Brain course info & live round updateResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Vanessa Gorelkin is an Occupational Therapist who often works with ND folks. She shares about compassionate approaches to daily life tasks.The main tool she shared is creating a crisis kit to use when experiencing distress in public, at work, or anywhere that you can't be fully unmasked. List of suggested items below.Crisis kit items suggested in episode:alcohol swabs (to smell for state change)instant ice packsextreme sour candieslemon juice packethot sauce packet (mustard is Mattia's)distress card requesting using the bathroom (or whatever's helpful for you)Connect with Vanessa: Her website, vanessagorelkin.com@otwhisperer on TikTokLove Your Brain course info & live round updateResources:Transcript DocEmail Newsletter: Nothing Wrong With UsLike Your Brain community space (Patreon) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.