Baconsale

Yip yip! M. Night Shyamalan’s film The Last Airbender has been derided as one of the worst films ever made since it was released in 2010—perhaps rightly so, since it offended fans of the original animated TV series and bewildered newcomers to the story. However, on this episode of Baconsale, it’s up to Joel, Kent, and Zack to defend this attempt at a live-action adaptation and keep things positive. Why? Because you told us to. We’ll justify odd pronunciations, we’ll present our favorite scenes, we’ll make Taco Bell comparisons, and we’ll give ourselves the occasional rant break, so we don’t bend fire from our eyes or lose control and angrily enter the Avatar State (Ahvahtar Stahte?).   Ladies and gentlemen of the listener, press play.

Now that Joel, Kent, and Zack have built their industry-revitalizing shopping malls earlier this season, it’s time for them to create the perfect food court. Therefore, on this episode of Baconsale, we’ve got a list of popular mall eateries including Orange Julius, Sbarro, Hot Dog on a Stick, Wetzel’s Pretzels, Panda Express & Mrs. Fields, and we’re going to take turns picking restaurants one by one. In the end, it’s up to you, the listener, to decide which of our food courts you would frequent. Listen as we debate which foods are real, critique each other’s choices and, for some reason, make references to brassiere stores.   Grab a sample at one of the many pretzel vendors and press play.

Attention, Kmart Shoppers! After 36 years and a failed attempt at going Hawaiian, Tim Burton has finally made a sequel to Beetlejuice. Joel and Kent were able to watch this return to the Neitherworld and are ready to share their thoughts with you. We’ll begin this BaconBit with a spoiler-free review, where we’ll discuss our feelings about the film and how it compares to the original movie. Then, after Zack leaves, we’ll turn on the spoiler juice and see what shakes loose as we talk specific plot points and try to avoid sounding like stereo instructions.   Press play to hear if Michael Keaton is still the ghost with the most.

Baconsale has already taken a look at the music of 30 years ago this season, so why not roll back the clock another decade and pick some tunes from 1984? Well, because trying to decide which songs to include is like choosing a favorite child. There are so many good options from that year, even for Zack, who wasn’t even born yet! Nevertheless, we are going to press forward with this episode and select answers for such categories as Feels Older than 40, Overrated, Best Love Song, Favorite One-Hit Wonder, and more. Listen to hear which tracks get by on technicalities, what music is on Joel’s Kissy List, and which songs are the one & only obvious choice for that category. Put that VHS tape in the VCR and press play! You can also find our official 1984 Spotify playlist at Baconsale.com.

Whether you’re listening to this episode on Monday morning or Saturday Night, the Wicked Baconsale boys are ready to present the Megalopolis of movies that are slated to be released this fall & winter. We’ll begin by unleashing our Venom on five films we’re hoping will flop and throw them to the Wolfs. Then we’ll Transformers One topic into another and Speak No Evil against the five movies we’re wanting to watch. Joel, Kent, and Zack may move slow at first, but then we’ll try to Mufasa and you’ll be Gladiator we did because we have a lot of ground to cover.   Which button should you push? The Red One that says play, you Joker.

Oh yeah! This Baconsale commercial mascot battle just keeps going and going and going. What can we say? We like to party. And while things may get a little cuckoo on this episode, we are going to finish the bracket and declare which mascot packs the biggest vitamin-packed punch. Do you believe in magic? Because that’s going to come into play a few times, as well as some Bible stories. Our logic may be difficult to follow, but just follow your nose and you’ll be fine.   Will a snowmobile be the leprechaun’s lucky charm? Can Smokey Bear prevent tire fires? Would the silly Trix Rabbit do better against kids? Will a pepper bar be the downfall of Cap’n Crunch? Press play to find out.   You can also download the advanced mascot bracket at Baconsale.com.

Well, we know you heard it through the grapevine and the rumors are true! Baconsale is doing another ridiculous deathmatch. Why? Because they're gr-r-reat! On this episode, Joel, Kent, and Zack have randomly placed 64 popular brand mascots on a bracket to discover who can take a bite out of crime (and their opponent). And as these colorful commercial characters and animated anthropomorphic animals do battle with one another, things get sour, then sweet, then just plain weird.   Will Twinkie the Kid be able to avoid the Noid? Will the Geico Gecko survive a nice Hawaiian Punch? Will Little Caesar be forced to Eat Mor Chikin? Does this episode contain the most references to beer & cigarettes in Baconsale history? Press play to find out.   You can also download the official bracket for this tournament at Baconsale.com.

Remember that time we tiered trilogies? Well, it’s time for the sequel. On this episode of Baconsale, we have another batch of movie sets that Joel, Kent, and Zack are going to rank, including The Godfather, Austin Powers, Toy Story, Evil Dead, Bridget Jones, The Mighty Ducks, Divergent, and Crocodile Dundee. During this journey, we discover that Kent hates second movies, some films are best left in your memories, and not all film franchises can make Endgame money.   Press play to thank the Matrix and enjoy a Goldmember summer!

The uncanny X-temps are at it again! Joel, Kent & Zack have been hired to rank & organize villains from the X-Men universe as they arrive at Ryker's Island. We have a limited number of maximum-, medium-, and minimum-security cells at the prison, so we have to make sure we put the most formidable fictional foes in the right spots. However, let’s face it, with most of these mutants being seriously overpowered, and Kent constantly getting seduced, everyone’s getting out. We hope you enjoy the journey as we start the inmates on special diets, steal some supervillain gear, and discover latent mutant powers in ourselves.   Press play to avoid death spores.

Due to a clerical error, Baconsalia has been chosen as the next host city for the Summer Olympics. Prime Minister Bigmustache has tasked Joel, Kent & Zack to make some adjustments to help these games fit our limited budget and space. Therefore, on this episode of Baconsale, we’re going to be cutting traditional Olympic events and presenting simpler, more cost-effective competitions instead, such as four square, freeze tag, and mini golf. We’ll then have to justify why we removed an event and explain why the new event would be better.   Don’t hold your breath! Come on down to Lou’s Bowling Alley & Tavern and press play!

It’s been almost thirty years since the original Twister came out, which is why Hollywood decided to make a standalone sequel that doesn’t really have anything to do with the first movie. Regardless, Kent and Joel saw Twisters together and now they’re ready to review it. However, Zack is seeing it later this week, so he’s going to leave before we enter the vortex of spoilers, including all the plot twisters, tornado jargon, and Glen Powell charisma.   Did we enjoy the ride? Or did we just ride out the storm? If you feel it, press play and chase it to find out!

We’re caught in a trap. We can’t walk out. Because on this episode of Baconsale, we’re talking about Elvis Presley. We know some of you have a Burning Love for the King of Rock and Roll, but we also know that others think he’s just a Hound Dog whose songs belong In the Ghetto. Nevertheless, Joel, Kent & Zack listened to all of Elvis’s studio albums and they Can’t Help Falling in Love with his music and stage presence. After briefly sharing the King’s history, we’ll get into some Trouble as we list our bottom five Elvis tracks, get All Shook Up as we steal each other’s song picks, declare “It’s Now or Never” and give out some very specific awards, and then tell each other “Don’t Be Cruel” as we list our top five favorites from one of the best-selling music artists of all time.   Press play to step on our blue suede shoes!   And if you want to throw a party in the county jail, visit Baconsale.com to find our official Spotify playlist for this episode.

What’s more American than cheese, listener? On this episode, we’ve entered the Baconsale Cottage to discuss & rank 24 different cheeses. However Joel, Kent, and Zack are not going to be doing this Provolone. Our Gouda friend Babs will Brie joining us to tier these tastes and textures, too. And as we Asiago along, we may make you feel Blue as we mold our thoughts and milk our opinions. You may even call us a Munster due to some decisions we make along the whey. Nevertheless, we hope you Havarti a good time as we offer a history of cheese, make up verbs, and attempt to pronounce charcuterie.   Press play to discover your personalicheese and find your cheese chums.

Believe it or not, readin’ ain’t just for grown-ups. Young adult (YA) novel adaptations may have passed their prime, but on this episode of Baconsale, we’re talking about the good movies, the bad ones, and the forgotten films. Joel, Kent, and Zack are joined by our friend Debbie to pick answers for such categories as Underrated, Least True to the Book, Favorite Character, and Feels Too Dark to Be in the YA Genre. Join us as we make some obvious choices, offer some hot takes, and give a few mild-to-medium spoilers.   Everyone dies at the end, so press play!

Who’s up for a third round of the nation-sweeping Parents Guide Game? Baconsale is! Once again, Joel, Kent & Zack have scoured the Internet Movie Database (IMDb) for ten films that the others will have to guess using only the clues from user-generated Parents Guide descriptions. But wait! There’s a Zack Attack! And he’s going to be using other elements from IMDb such as taglines, release dates, and actors as his clues. And since lunch with a parent is on the line, the stakes have never been higher. Listen as Joel favors Frightening & Intense Scenes, Kent keeps referencing the sessandnudidity category, and we’re all a little too nice to each other.   Pop a single knuckle and press play to play along with us on this episode of Baconsale.

There’s a first time for everything, and some movie directors hit the ground running when it came to their first feature film. Other initial cinematic efforts, however, were less than stellar. So, on this episode of Baconsale, Joel & Kent have each brought their top 7 & bottom 7 directorial debuts to share with you, the listener, and with Zack. Kent is covering some of the biggest filmmakers to come out of Hollywood (post-1980, of course), whereas Joel mostly seems to pick movies he likes (pre-2000, of course). Be prepared for some hot takes on some cool flicks as we slowly become film bros.   Whether you think it’s the director’s fault or the studio’s fault, get your iPhone face ready and press play!

The Baconsale interns are back! This time around, they have been hired by a temp agency to organize a shelter for animated animals. And it’s up to Joel, Kent & Zack to decide which famous fictional pets are going to be sold immediately, which ones are going to be around for a while, and which ones get to take a trip to a wonderful farm where they can run, play, or fly around freely. Our list for this episode includes such celebrated characters as Scooby-Doo, Iago, Garfield, Pascal, Heihei, Cerberus, Stitch, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Abu, and Perry the Platypus.   Press play to hear the marketing blurb for each pretend pet.

We’ve talked trilogies on Baconsale before, but now it’s time for us to tier them. We’ve created a large list of popular movie franchises and Joel, Kent, and Zack are going to rank the first batch of them. To be honest, we’re a little loose with the term “trilogy,” so there are some asterisks next to the names of certain film series, but they all at least include an original and two sequels. This time around we’ll be discussing such trilogies as Back to the Future, How to Train Your Dragon, Indiana Jones, Kingsman, Madagascar, Star Wars (Prequels), The Hobbit, and Three Flavours Cornetto.   It doesn’t matter if you’re a monkey or an ape, press play to hear us make multiple sandwich comparisons.

Let’s go, bub! The new Disney+ series X-Men '97 just finished its first season. Kent watched it, but Joel & Zack haven’t, so we’ve brought in some special guests for this BaconBit. Sam & Chad have joined our team and they’re ready to discuss the storytelling, the animation style, the surprising lack of Wolverine and, of course, civil rights. The first part of this review is spoiler-free, but after Joel leaves, the conversation will mutate into spoilers. Don’t worry. We’ll warn you before that happens, Chere.   Press play to hear our voices get older, but watch out for random Netflix noises!

If you’re looking for information about a fast-food sandwich shop that has sold over five billion classic roast beef sandwiches, we have the deets! On this episode of Baconsale, Joel, Kent, and Zack are discussing their latest quest: eating everything on the menu at Arby’s. Yes, we finally convinced Kent to conquer this restaurant, but has he become a Curly Fries convert? After giving a brief history of Arby’s, we’ll discuss our experiences as we ate each breakfast item, sandwich, Market Fresh option, side, and dessert. Then we’ll slice off some meaty facts about the app, expose our differing taste buds, share some saucy tidbits about red ranch, spell some things backwards, tell the tale of the Meat Mountain, and hold the cheddar.   Take off your oversized cowboy hat and press play to hear our best impersonations of Ving Rhames.