Ballot with Patrick Gutfield - Where Politics Meets Pop Culture

President Trump lit up Truth Social with a late-night tirade boasting he’s taken more cognitive decline tests than any president ever — “aced” them, too — while blasting reporters as “treasonous” for questioning his health and demanding *The New York Times* shut down. The president challenged AOC to a cognition showdown, forgot details of his own exams, and brushed off a mysterious MRI as questions swirl about his mental fitness. Meanwhile in South Carolina, guards seized a drone carrying steak, crab legs, Old Bay, weed, and cigarettes into a prison — a full surf-and-turf smuggling attempt officials dubbed “Contraband Christmas.” From cognitive tests to crab legs in the sky, America continues to out-Florida itself.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

President Trump roared back onto the rally stage in Mount Pocono, torching critics as “stupid people,” bungling Susie Wiles’ name, and reviving chants of “Send her back” while pitching his “no tax on tips” plan. The president blasted Minnesota leaders, mocked immigration from global “hellholes,” and even mixed up the Eagles’ season while trying to win over Pennsylvania. Meanwhile, meteorologists warn a brutal polar vortex “mega-dump” is set to smash the central and eastern U.S. with the coldest temperatures on Earth — from minus-45 wind chills in the Dakotas to frost creeping toward Florida. America’s freezing over… and the political climate isn’t much warmer.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

Patrick Gutfield digs into the National Park Service’s explosive new holiday calendar scrapping MLK Day and Juneteenth — while elevating Donald Trump’s birthday to fee-free status. Add in a $100 “patriotic premium” for foreign visitors and you’ve got bureaucratic chaos with a nationalist twist. Then: Trump “accidentally” tries to rename the Kennedy Center after himself (again), the Institute of Peace gets the full Trump makeover, and a new citizenship bill could accidentally boot Melania and Barron. It’s political whiplash at its finest.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

President Trump is fuming after coverage comparing him to “Sleepy Joe.” Patrick Gutfield breaks down Trump nodding off in Cabinet meetings, the mysterious bruises, the angry denials, and the full irony of a president who once branded Biden as tired now drifting off during his own workday. Plus: Trump’s chaotic Kennedy Center takeover, a MAGA-fied Honors gala, and a wild food-fight protest at the Tower of London involving apple crumble and custard. Only in 2025.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

From Washington DC where it’s not only the weather that’s frightful, this is Ballot. Melania’s Christmas décor goes full Tim Burton with mugshot LEGOs, butterfly swarms, and candelabras fit for a haunted mansion. Portland lights “the tree” — carefully avoiding the word Christmas — amid chants, land acknowledgments, and performance-art politics. And in New York, the city’s Christmas tree titans wage a turf war straight out of The Sopranos. Turns out holiday cheer comes with muscle.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

Trump’s latest economic sermon turns into verbal Twister as “affordability” becomes both his favorite word and his sworn enemy. JD Vance gets roasted to his face while trying not to blink. And in a sharp detour, we head to America’s emergency rooms, where marijuana users are learning the word “scromiting.” It’s economic whiplash, political humiliation, and medical horror — all in one festive package.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

President Trump’s marathon Cabinet session devolves into doodles, typos, third-person motivational speeches, and a boom-mic Q&A nobody asked for. Russell Vought is drawing Bob Ross landscapes, Pete Hegseth arrives as the “ssecretary of war,” and Trump tries to prove he’s “sharp” by saying “Trump is sharp.” The meeting ends with table-slapping, shoulder-thumping, and enough chaos to qualify as an office Christmas party gone horribly wrong.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

President Trump unleashes a late-night, one-hundred-sixty-post Truth Social rampage featuring conspiracy theories, political enemies, and his Home Alone 2 cameo… because why not. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth turns Franklin the Turtle into a festive war criminal. And Washington loses its mind because Usha Vance wasn’t wearing her wedding ring at a volunteer event. From DC where you should wear your wedding ring — seriously, wear it — this is Ballot. Portions of today’s show were made with the help of A.I.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

A bombshell report says Trump has gutted his schedule by nearly forty percent, is rolling into “official duties” after lunchtime, and keeps dozing through appearances — all while insisting he’s in peak shape after a mysterious MRI he can’t quite explain. The White House calls it transparency. Critics call it a presidential siesta.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

President Trump pardons Gobble and Waddle while taking a swing at Biden’s “invalid” autopen turkey pardon. Melania sets a record with the shortest Christmas tree ceremony in White House history, delivering a drive-by “beautiful.” Plus: Trump teases a Ukraine peace deal and personally revives Rush Hour 4 like he’s running a Hollywood agency with nuclear codes. A very twenty-twenty-five Thanksgiving.We’re going to try to take the holiday weekend off but its 2025 so there’s bound to be 40 crazy things we have to react to.  Enjoy your Thanksgiving.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  This episode includes AI-generated content.

Trump wants a Rush Hour reboot and is pitching Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker like it’s nineteen ninety-eight again. Meanwhile, Usha Vance sparks online chaos by simply not wearing her wedding ring to Camp Lejeune. And the DOT launches a new crusade to stop America’s worst airplane gremlins as holiday travel hits record levels. Patrick digs into Hollywood dreams, ring conspiracies, and why flying now requires both patience and combat training.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

Marjorie Taylor Greene is cashing out and tapping out — quitting Congress after a spectacular breakup with President Trump while quietly watching her net worth explode from seven hundred thousand to twenty-five million. Patrick breaks down the political soap opera, Trump’s midnight tariff rants, his five-a.m. meltdown over the New York Giants, and the Thanksgiving-deadline Ukraine plan that blindsided Europe and sent Zelensky scrambling. It’s political musical chairs with a side of holiday panic.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

From Washington DC, Patrick Gutfield breaks down a truly chaotic Friday: viral outrage over “Arabic numerals,” Trump’s tense meeting with New York mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani, the President’s explosive reaction to lawmakers warning troops against illegal orders, and the White House defending Trump calling a reporter “Piggy.” Plus, Trump renews his crusade to get Jimmy Kimmel fired — again.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

A man named James Donald Vance Jr. was arrested for threatening to kill President Trump and Vice President JD Vance, leading to the most confusing Secret Service paperwork in American history. We dig into Trump printing out his own social media posts like a one-man scrapbook, Keith Urban performing an LGBTQ+ anthem at Mar-a-Lago, and the latest MAGA-versus-MAGA meltdown as Marjorie Taylor Greene calls Trump a “traitor” while standing with Epstein survivors. It’s the kind of political circus where the clown car is driving itself and we’re all just hanging on.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media  

President Trump shrugged off the murder of Jamal Khashoggi with a casual “things happen,” snapped at reporters asking about the newly released Epstein emails, and even called one “Piggy.” We break down the jaw-dropping accusations in the Epstein files, Trump’s increasingly frantic denials, the White House’s very creative explanation for letting an American flag hit the ground, and the House’s lopsided 427-to-1 vote to release the documents. Plus: the lone “no” vote, Clay Higgins, and the Senate’s unanimous approval.Come for the sass, stay for the sanity—and blame the A.I. for the jokes that don’t land.Unlock an ad-free podcast experience with Caloroga Shark Media! Get our shows on any player you love, hassle free! For Apple users, hit the banner on your Apple podcasts app. For Spotify or other players, visit caloroga.com/plus. No plug-ins needed!Subscribe now for exclusive shows like 'Palace Intrigue,' and get bonus content from Deep Crown (our exclusive Palace Insider!) Or get 'Daily Comedy News,' and '5 Good News Stories’ with no commercials! Plans start at $4.99 per month, or save 20% with a yearly plan at $49.99. Join today and help support the show! Get more info from Caloroga Shark Media