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Tired of Christian pat answers about marriage? The podcast that goes in-depth into marriage, parenting, and even sex--to see how we can live the passionate life we were meant for. Paired with To Love, Honor and Vacuum--the blog!
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Ever feel like your body is a stranger to you? Like you’re plagued with insecurity, can’t find peace in your relationships? What if it’s because we’re running away from part of who we are, and we haven’t been able to honor who God made us to be? Christy Bauman, a licensed therapist, noticed in her counseling that her clients often didn’t have a clear identity or were able to articulate who they were. So she invites us on a journey of recovering rites of passage—where we honor sacred moments i...
Gisele Pelicot famously said that "shame must switch sides"--and I think that applies to the evangelical church! Over and over again over the last few years ,when male teachers have presented a pornified view of sex and women have said "no", women have been accused of being prudes. But it is okay to reject objectification. A close look at Josh Butler, Gary Thomas coercing women into sending nude photos, and more--all of whom called us ashamed of sex for saying no.SPECIAL: The Great Sex Rescue...
Do you find yourself in constant power struggles with your kids? Do you feel like your kids too often set the terms of their cooperation? Or are you worried that you are too hard and demanding on them? Well today I talk with Wendy Snyder, a positive parenting coach, as we get into the nitty gritty of how to find that balance between being authoritarian and overly permissive. Cut the drama, cut the power struggles, and learn how to thrive as a family!SIGN UP for our FREE Parenting Webinar with...
1Why are writers for The Gospel Coalition coming after the dad in the cartoon series Bluey? He’s an involved dad who loves his kids. Why are they so offended? Rick Pidcock joins Rebecca and Connor Lindenbach for a deep dive—and then Rebecca and Connor talk more about our anemic view of fatherhood. TO SUPPORT USJoin our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko FoundationAnd check o...
Christa Brown was sexually assaulted dozens of times by her youth pastor when she was 15. She was made to repent and apologize to his wife. The pastor just got moved around from church to church for decades. When Christa’s daughter reached the same age Christa was when she was assaulted, she went public—and started the movement to push the SBC towards accountability for the sexual abuse crisis in their midst. She’s written a memoir called BaptistLand, and today we talk about Christa’s fight—a...
Talking to your kids about sex & puberty is awkward! And over the years the church has made some big mistakes. Today we talk about how to avoid the biggest ones--and some encouragement for how to do this with as little awkwardness as possible.OUR SEX AND PUBERTY COURSE:Check out our revamped version of The Whole Story--our sex and puberty course for parents to share with kids. It's video-based, and it makes covering all the info much easier. It's on sale until Monday, October 28 at midnig...
We aren’t going to fix the abuse crisis in the church until we deal with the underlying beliefs that actually enable abuse. Today Kristin Kobes Du Mez joins us to talk about her new documentary For Our Daughters, which shows how beliefs about gender, power and politics that are rampant in the church actually contribute to abuse. And Pastor Trey Ferguson joins us to comment on a recent article he wrote explaining how evangelicalism’s views of sex, which ignore intimacy, contribute to abuse too...
We know purity culture hurt so many of us. But how do we actually move on and recover from purity culture? Today Dr. Camden Morgante joins us to look at the 5 myths of purity culture, and how to heal and get to the other side!OUR FREE WEBINAR!Join Rebecca and me as we host Camden for a FREE webinar looking more into these myths, where we find them, and where we go from here! It'll be a super fun hour with some prizes, games, and lots of inside scoop!Monday, October 14, 8 pm EST. Sign up hereT...
Ever heard the stat from “a recent study” that found that, when a husband comes to Christ first, in 93% of cases the wife and kids follow, but when the wife comes to Christ first, it’s only 17%? Today Beth Allison Barr and Miranda Zapor Cruz, both academics looking into gender relations in church, join me to try to track down the source. Spoiler alert: People seem to have made this up about 30 years ago—and they keep quoting it! We look at what happens when churches assume this stat is true.O...
We're all about healthy advice for marriage and sex. But what if evangelical teachings around parenting have also been messed up? And how can we parent in a healthy way? David and Amanda Erickson join us to talk about their new book The Flourishing Family, based on Scripture, brain science, attachment theory, and more. THIS is how we should parent! OUR SPONSOREver, AJ: Uniquely crafted vegan leather Bible cases. These Bible Cases are GORGEOUS and FUNCTIONAL! Use it as a traditional case, or y...
The evangelical world has an orgasm gap of 47 points between husbands and wives. Only 48% of women orgasm almost always or always, and 33% orgasm never or rarely. The good news is that if you're in that 33%--you can still get to the 48%!Today Rebecca and I look back at all the other episodes we've talked about orgasms, and have a great time discussing how we can learn to help couples prioritize her pleasure!THE ORGASM COURSEIt's on sale until Monday, September 23 at midnight! When you purchas...
We know it’s not all men who are predators. But it’s far too many. And a recent horrible court case in France is reminding women all over the world that far too many men are willing and eager to do the unthinkable. The only way to tell who is safe is to look at their words and their actions. And the words of far too many evangelical leaders and authors and pastors are straight up rape culture. After what happened to Gisele Pelicot, I’m not willing to put up with it anymore. No more Every Man’...
It’s a complete therapy session—in one book and one podcast! Dr. Merry Lin joins us to explain why we so often feel stuck—and how to move forward. If you’ve been confused by terms like trauma, attachment theory, the Stone Age brain, and more, Dr. Merry Lin joins us for a primer that can help us get unstuck—and rebecome who we were meant to be!TO SUPPORT USJoin our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiati...
What does it look like to actually grow like Christ? Like, not from a sermon, or not from some lofty retreat, but just in the here and now? Can we actually grow “holier”? A beautiful conversation with Karen Stiller, author of the book Holiness Here. We tackle envy, joy, contentment—and even grief, as she shares about processing the death of her husband. TO SUPPORT USJoin our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our workFor tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fru...
Sheila and Rebecca are answering your questions today! We covered how to find a new church when you feel like church has let you down; how to start your sex life well; what to do when people don’t think purity culture was harmful; and so much more! And we throw data and nuance into the mix too.HELP US OUT AFTER THE HACKING!Please follow OUR NEW FACEBOOK PAGEIf you see a Facebook page called Endlessly Stories with weird images—that is our old page. Please report it!OUR SPONSORIt's the Bible th...
What if you discovered that marriage books like The Excellent Wife actually follows Steve Hassan's BITE model of cult indoctrination? And what if these marriage books were giving advice that mirrored coercive control?Bare Marriage podcast, episode 246, featuring Bethany Jantzi. Bethany did her thesis on coercive control, and today she shows us how these books use methods like: diminishing/devaluing personhood; undermining autonomy; creating psychological dependency; using a fear-based system ...
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace sells like hotcakes in biblical counseling/ fundamentalist/ homeschooling circles, and even though it seems like a “fringe” book, it’s affecting tens of thousands of women. Today Marissa Burt and Tia Levings and I sit down to talk about the problems with this book that tells women they must obey their husbands and submit—no matter what.Our Sponsor:It's the Bible that lets girls see themselves in the story! The Kingdom Girls Bible from Zonderkidz--with profil...
She went to a flagship SBC church. She wasn’t supposed to get sucked into fundamentalism. But Tia ended up being stuck in an abusive marriage, trying to fix things by following advice from Gothard and more. It made her sick. It made her hopeless. But finally she realized, no one else is going to rescue us. I have to do this for me and the kids. And she did. Her story is riveting, touching, and relevant. Listen to a Well-Trained Wife!Our Sponsor:It's the Bible that lets girls see themselves in...
The evangelical church spends a lot of time giving modesty messages to girls. But we hardly ever talk about vanity--even though the Bible condemns it. Could it be that in all our talk about modesty, we're inadvertently promoting vanity? And perhaps we can't call out vanity, because our messages to boys essentially enable vanity. Join Rebecca and Sheila as we hash this one out!With thanks to our sponsor:If church was your place of deepest hurt, can you find peace and healing with Christ? Check...
Ever heard people say, "The Bible is crystal clear" or "if you don't believe that, you don't believe the Bible?" Quite often people equate their interpretation of the Bible with the Bible itself--with bad results. Today Scott Coley joins us to talk about his new book Ministers of Propaganda, and to look at how many evangelical leaders have used logical fallacies to keep themselves at the top of the power hierarchy. Plus let's look at how to get back to the way of Jesus!With thanks to our spon...
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the education system coddles hyperactive boys compared to girls- who are hugely underdiagnosed. It also does not favor girls even slightly; girls and boys are given the same opportunities and boys choose to squander them. The system was MADE for boys in mind. also, take until account that girls factually do worse academically in coed settings while the reverse is true for boys- and yet girls still outperform! it's clearly not solely the setting that is the problem.
Women attempt it less because they care more about burdening their families with their deaths. They're also less successful because they choose less messy, lethal means ie a gun for similar reasons. This also doesn't take murder-suicides into account, which are overwhelmingly done by men (and TO women).
what's wrong with using PluggedIn?
I find it funny(tragic), that the people (men) who are the most likely to yell about children needing two parents are the ones to think that women need to be the only ones to care for the children.
Love how she sais this book is reseach based, when she basically asked men if they prefer chocolate or vanilla icecream, and then infired that women just like the opposite of men. Thank you for pointing out all those flaws.
So brave! God bless you, Alyssa.
at some point can we get Conner his own podcast? he cracks me up and he's so on point (although all of you are to be fair)
"If we apply ourselves, we can be just as tough as women." <- Connor is the best! 😄
Men and boys don't have a problem expressing themselves at all. They express joy, anger, depression very well. And ones who get violent are absolutely expressing themselves. Let's no longer pretend that's men's issue instead of the WAY men choose to do it. also, heartily disagree that women don't appreciate men enough. Wives make post after post after post about how blessed they are because for horribly bare minimum stuff like their husbands not cheating, not abusing them, or putting the dishes away like he's supposed to.
re: secular people, for the most part that's not true at all. the women come back because they like the guy or are desperate (since we're taught we're not worth much without male validation). or more sinisterly, the guy is very manipulative, possibly a red piller or PUA, pretending he'll love her if she sleeps with him, or using games (pretending he's unimpressed with her so she'll work to do what he wants). also, many men don't really care if other men don't make their wives/gfs orgasm and some even admit this. the failure will fall on the women, not the men
"why is [him being bad at pleasing her] never an option?!" because society raises men to be sexually selfish, see his own orgasm as the point of sex. :(
you're not "supposed" to want sex; it's not a duty. it's completely up to the couple
This episode is amazing! Well done Sheila for standing up for what is right.
Holding your wife responsible for your anger is not just dangerous for her but demeaning to their relationship! What are they, a couple or a mother with her child?
"If he wanted to, he would." He can see that pile of dishes; he just doesn't want to do them. that's not "man bashing", that's lazy person bashing.
I love suits too but the guy is right, it's not comparable to formfitting leggings. It's the equivalent to a cocktail dress or evening gown. Think Grace Kelly's stunning costumes in her Hitchcock roles! I have never met a woman ever who was physically aroused by suits. Attracted? Absolutely. But a woman a man finds hideous can still turn him on if she's got a body type he likes and is wearing leggings.
the proverb about dripping rain is actually not as bad as it sounds initially. as Giselle from Nagging Thoughts wisely pointed out, it's a woman trying hard to fix a problem that her husband is deliberately ignoring, much like the widow consistently coming at the judge to fix her problem like he should.
"withholding" implies she has something he is owed. no man on earth is entitled to sex or any part of a woman's body.
thank you so much Rebecca!! that is precisely why I dressed somewhat immodestly in some of my teen years. I had been bullied before over my looks and clothes and it left me anxiety ridden. Dressing that way was how I tried to protect myself.
That commenter was so right on! and yeah, I think if most men actually cared about their wives' needs, they would ask. If he cared, he'd make an effort. Men aren't stupid. Women have been patiently explaining ourselves till we're blue in the face and told we're wrong about our own needs, bodies, and sexualities and of course God. If he wanted to, ladies, he would! I love Sheila but I do think she's a bit too nice to men, and in a way male authors rarely are to women.