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Be You Podcast

Author: Jill Herman

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Unbecome everything you’ve been told to be and choose yourself! Stop pretending, censoring, copying, and competing with other women. Not your average self-help coach, Jill Herman is with you every step of the way, offering transparent and raw stories about overcoming her own struggles with her audience. Tune in as Jill takes you through a journey of self-discovery to help you become successful in life and in business. To have joy, freedom and peace. To get results without obsessing with hustle and grind. This is Be You.

Website: https://www.jillherman.com/
Instagram: @jillhermanbeyou
Contact information: jill_pod@itscreativelabel.com
13 Episodes
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Sadness Vs. Suffering

Sadness Vs. Suffering

2020-11-2727:17

Sadness and suffering are often used synonymously. They’re the same thing, right? No, they’re not. I am approaching this darker topic today because a recent Instagram poll hit a nerve. We all feel pain and sadness. And yes, we all suffer. But we choose to suffer. Sounds harsh, I know. I’ve been there often. So often in fact, that suffering became my identity. I share this odd phenomenon with you in today’s episode. The strange comfort we find in suffering. With the uncertain times we are experiencing right now and with the holidays coming up, this topic is so important. We all need to be aware of the distinction between sadness and suffering. You and I get to decide everyday whether or not we will feel and experience pain or if we will sign up to suffer. As we navigate this together today, know that you are not alone and through this journey, you can let go to finally be you. Show Notes: [1:45] - Jill realized she hit a nerve with an Instagram poll about sadness and suffering. [2:34] - There is a difference between feeling sadness, pain, and anger and choosing to live in it. [3:15] - Jill admits that she used to live in a sea of overwhelming sadness and that was her identity. [3:40] - Jill references “the ache” as mentioned in a book by Glennon Doyle. Some people say if you feel this “ache,” you are more empathic and possibly more susceptible to depression. [4:10] - During these uncertain times we are experiencing, there will be more confusion and sadness. Even without that, the holiday season may bring up what’s already there. [6:01] - There are many reasons you feel sadness but Jill shares a story about how she chose to continue suffering because it had become her identity. [6:37] - When something causes sadness and pain for Jill, because of her traumatic childhood, it is like a trigger. She explains how this feels and how careful she needs to be as an adult. [8:14] - Jill describes the feeling of “stepping into suffering” as a warm bath because it was a familiar place she had been for so long. [9:18] - In recent years, Jill experienced two things in her life that caused pain and sadness. At the time she would have said this was uncontrollable, but later realized that she was choosing suffering. [10:32] - There is a comfort in suffering. It is addictive because it is satisfying a need. [12:31] - There is no timeline on how long you choose to suffer. This can vary per person, but eventually you will have to accept that whatever is causing this pain and sadness is not going away. [13:26] - You won’t be okay with accepting “what is” and it will feel tremendously uncomfortable. [14:47] - Jill explains that she wanted another child with her husband but that it wasn’t going to happen. At some point, she had to decide to end her own suffering. [15:33] - Turning away from the cause of the suffering is not the solution. [16:07] - The pain doesn’t go away when you choose to stop suffering, but it doesn’t have a hold on you. [17:19] - When suffering becomes who you are, it feels good and you don’t know who you are without it. [17:49] - Jill felt that if she stopped the suffering, it wasn’t worth grieving. That’s why many of us choose to continue to suffer.  [18:31] - Sadness and pain, especially during the holidays, are going to come in and go out. We can’t let them live inside us. [19:54] - Other people want us to get over things and grieve quickly. It comes from a caring place, but you are in control of this. [20:29] - Pain and sadness are completely normal. The length of time you spend suffering is up to you. [21:41] - No one is taking away your grieving or your right to feel sadness. This is about freedom within that. [22:31] - Part of being yourself is identifying the dark parts, too. Otherwise, we’re just pretending. [23:22] - Take a moment to journal about sadness and suffering. How will it feel to free yourself from suffering? [24:00] - Jill encourages you to see a professional if you are experiencing deep suffering and feel like you can’t escape. [25:19] - Suffering is sneaky and is oftentimes hard to see if someone else is suffering. But you know if you are. I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman Author - Glennon Doyle
Here at the Be You Podcast, we don’t shy away from the hot button topics. We’ve discussed many things that have so much to unpack - money, sex, trauma to name a few. But we haven’t talked about a big one yet. Food. Our relationship with food can be healthy or toxic. What are we eating? Why are we eating it? There’s shame, blame, hiding, conforming, rebellion, and so many side effects to our eating that we don’t even realize. We’re diving deep into self-work here and food is a huge part of it. That’s why I am thrilled to have Kate Bowser as a guest on today’s episode. Kate is an Integrated Nutrition Health Coach with a bachelor’s degree in Biology. She helps women live their most balanced life and whole-heartedly believes that health shouldn’t be an all-or-nothing affair. In today’s episode, she teaches us how to listen to our bodies and gives us guidelines instead of rules and labels. Because, truthfully, “who doesn’t want an Oreo?” Listen on for your first step into listening to your body to make the best choices for your unique you. Show Notes: [3:40] - When it comes to eating, Jill has an interesting path with a lot of ups and downs. She has not had an eating disorder, but she feels like she is wired for one. [5:11] - Jill found herself in cycles that didn’t result in weight gain, but it did result in feeling guilt. [6:42] - Kate’s philosophy is that our bodies know what we need but we tend to reject what it is telling us. [7:36] - Growing up, Kate’s household had a diet mentality surrounding food and when she went to college she gained a lot of weight in just one semester. [8:04] - Kate used to have an “all or nothing” attitude about food and labeled certain foods as bad. When she broke those self-made rules, she would feel guilt. [8:57] - Although Kate doesn’t believe in rigid and hard rules surrounding food, she clarifies that there are some fundamental guidelines to follow. The first is to be aware of how much processed foods you ingest. [10:39] - Kate clarifies what processed foods are and demonstrates how the word “processed” is a spectrum. [12:08] - If you can, buy food items that are not packaged. [13:07] - There is a huge difference between processed foods with only 3 ingredients and processed foods with a huge list of ingredients that we might not be able to pronounce. [14:26] - Jill shares how women tend to feel intimidated by health coaches and create their own guilt when they want foods they assume health coaches would not even touch. [15:14] - Kate used to be a “vegetarian” but shares that she was replacing meat with processed vegetarian foods. Over time, she added more whole foods into her diet which did include meat. [17:10] - When you put labels on your eating, you will make yourself feel guilty when you break your own rules. [18:21] - Kate gives examples about how certain health trends or things we consider healthy could not be the right fit for everyone. [19:18] - Kate believes that as a health coach, she can’t tell you what to eat because only your own body can do that. [21:03] - Intermittent fasting means different things to different people. Kate gives examples about how this could look different to different people. [23:33] - Kate believes in fundamentals instead of rigid rules. [24:28] - Jill and Kate discuss the social pressure of American eating and diet trends.  [25:27] - If you want to try something to see if it is right for you, give it two whole weeks and see how you feel. Use these trends as an opportunity to try things on for size. [26:54] - Kate developed a journal that allows you to discover for yourself what and when you should be eating. [28:12] - Sugar is one of those things that is not good for us in large quantities. Kate gives examples on what sugar consumption does to the brain. [29:31] - When you have a craving, stop and think about what is happening in your life that is giving you that craving, especially when it comes to sugar. [30:49] - There are other ways to satisfy that sweetness craving with whole foods. [32:10] - Jill shares how she can cut something out for three days and notices that she doesn’t crave them anymore. [33:02] - There is a difference between what your physical body is asking for and what your emotions and thoughts are asking for. [34:45] - Intuitive eating is a term that can be tricky. It is deeper than listening to what you want versus what your body needs. [36:04] - All the work Jill is doing on her entire self, her healthy eating has turned out to be a great side effect that she hadn’t considered before. [37:08] - As a health coach, Kate does not tell you what to eat. It goes much deeper than that. [37:33] - Kate shares two free resources to help you get started on this journey. They are listed in the Links and Resources. I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook   Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman   Kate Bowser Health Coach Home Page Kate Bowser’s Free Journal Download Kate’s Free Starter Guide to Clean Eating Healthy Plate Kate on Instagram
Do you have what it takes to be successful? After the last episode, you may have discovered that you have the three success ingredients! That’s amazing! But now what? Well, you need to show up. Today’s unexpected follow-up episode is exactly how I wanted this journey to be. Your feedback, comments, and questions inspired me to expand on this topic of success and dive deeper into what a successful woman does that stands out. We’re joined by hypothetical Sally and hypothetical Michelle and we’re going to compare how they show up in life. Who will see success? Let’s find out. Show Notes: [1:48] - This is an unexpected follow up to the previous episode that Jill is confident that is meant to be. [3:20] - Jill uses several examples in this episode using hypothetical Sally and hypothetical Michelle. Sally does not possess the success ingredients and Michelle does. [4:24] - How do people with a success mindset show up in life? [4:53] - They are proactive instead of reactive. This means they show up before being told to. Jill gives a great sales example. [5:33] - Next is “follow up and follow through.” What does this look like? Jill uses a real-world example about a party invitation.  [7:11] - From a business standpoint, following up and following through shows professionalism. [9:02] - People who have the three success ingredients also do not make assumptions. [10:37] - Assumptions are dangerous in general, but in regards to success, they are lethal. [11:29] - These people also do not place blame on anyone else or circumstances for why they aren’t getting ahead in life. [12:17] - Don’t point your finger at yourself to place blame and shame on you. This is an opportunity to learn a lesson. [13:16] - Jill gives an example on how successful people do not place blame on anyone, including themselves. [14:48] - People with a success mindset recover quickly. [17:03] - Jill gives examples about Sally and Michelle responding to the same situation. [18:51] - Sally and Michelle have serious differences in how they think when it comes to a business opportunity. [19:48] - Sally lives in a fixed mindset or a scarcity mindset. This is how she is wired. You can tell she doesn’t have the three success ingredients. [20:22] - Jill gives another Sally and Michelle scenario where they are working on health and wellness. [21:47] - In this scenario, when Sally heard from her doctor that this wellness program would be difficult, she immediately knew she would fail. [22:37] - Even though Michelle has the success mindset, she might still fail, fall, and have a hard time. But she’s going to achieve more than Sally. [25:25] - Jill admits that in the beginning in sales, she was so uncomfortable. But she made the discovery that it is more about connecting with people than anything else. [26:34] - Jill uses another Sally and Michelle example that has to do with sales. And yes, even if you don’t work in sales, this still applies to you. [30:31] - It doesn’t matter how often you apply these traits and if you have the three success ingredients, you will hear some no’s. [31:58] - No matter what the goal is or what the situation is, ask yourself, “Am I a Sally or am I Michelle?” I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman
Don’t you wish you could just snap your fingers and be successful? Don’t you wish you could just magically make everyone win? Success is great, but it’s not always easy. We talk about success a lot and truthfully, it is very diluted and misunderstood. Over the years, I have wondered why some people are successful and others aren’t. Through experience, I have found that investing my time and energy into the people who show three key ingredients or attributes results in success not only for them but for myself and the business I was running. There’s a lot of self-reflection involved in this and in this episode, I break down the questions you need to ask yourself. We’ll talk about the three ingredients for success and how you need all three to reach your goal. I also want you to know about the five levels of commitment and how you will see them in all of your goals in life, not just in your career. Remember, your biggest obstacle is yourself and when you look at these success ingredients, it's a choice. You can decide if you have them or if you don’t. Are you up to the challenge? Show Notes: [2:05] - Sometimes we forget to look underneath the word “success” and think about what it takes to be successful. [2:29] - What are the secret ingredients for success? [4:08] - The idea of success doesn’t just apply to your career. Jill lists examples of areas of your life where you may achieve success. [4:51] - Ask yourself these three questions before moving forward: What do I want? When do I want it? What am I willing to do to get it? [5:52] - In regards to when you want to meet a goal, you need to be realistic. [6:18] - You need to journal and write these thoughts out to find your answers to these questions.  [7:23] - At the beginning of Jill’s career, Jill admits that she wanted everyone to win. Some of this was healthy but some were enabling and codependency. She also felt like she needed to apologize for her own success. [8:40] - The three ingredients of success can be found in successful people across a wide variety of careers and goals. [9:38] - When we are not spending all of our time trying to help someone get somewhere they say they want to go but aren’t willing to do the work themselves, we have space for our own success. [11:09] - You will exhaust yourself caring about other people winning. This isn’t ditching them. They can find you if they need help and find their own level of success but they don’t need you working harder for their success than they work on it themselves. [12:38] - Jill believed in everyone, but poured her focus, coaching, and mentoring into the ones that she saw the three success ingredients in. As a result, she was healthier. [14:04] - Focusing on those who deserve the guidance, work hard on their goals. [15:56] - The first success ingredient is “be teachable and coachable.” This means you are open and willing to sit your ego aside and learn. [16:42] - People who are teachable are willing to use systems even if they don’t understand them yet. [18:16] - Why would you ignore the advice from someone who knows more in a certain area? Jill uses a Crossfit example to illustrate her point but also points out that you don’t want to ignore your intuition. [18:37] - The second success ingredient is to have a burning desire. This doesn’t just mean a desire for success. You need to have a burning desire to every goal you’re working on. [19:34] - Jill recommends a book called Start with Why by Simon Sinek. [20:03] - Jill uses a personal example of going to nursing school with a newborn baby and many obstacles. She also reminds us about her career change which was built off of her burning desire. [22:17] - Sometimes people will tell you you can’t do something, even people who are the most important to you. Your burning desire will keep you going towards your goal. [23:51] - Perseverance is key to keep your burning desire fueled. [24:42] - WIthin this second ingredient to success, there are five levels of commitment. [25:21] - There is nothing wrong or bad about being at any of these levels of commitment and that may vary based on the goal you are trying to achieve. [25:45] - The first level is no commitment. The second is “hoping, wishing, wanting.” The third level is “I will try.” [26:36] - If you give it your all and you don’t make it, that’s not trying. Trying means you are not fully committed. It's the way we get out of being accountable. [27:44] - The fourth level of commitment is where a lot of us live a lot of the time: I’m committed, unless… You can fill in the blank with any excuse that alters your commitment to your goal. [29:00] - The fifth level is “I am committed no matter what it takes.” [29:54] - When it comes to level five, it doesn’t matter how long it takes, how many people say you can’t, or how much work it takes, you are committed to achieving success with this goal. [30:51] - You might not always reach that goal, even if you are at a commitment level five. But your commitment level never dropped while working towards it. [31:01] - It is impossible to be at a commitment level five in multiple areas of your life simultaneously. When you have so many things you’re working on, it is okay to be at a different level of commitment on different days. Jill calls this strategic imbalance. [32:13] - Jill’s goal is not for you to be at a level five. Her goal is for you to be aware of what level of commitment you are in for each goal and accept it. [33:07] - Actions show how committed you really are. [33:37] - Jill admits that although she’s being healthy, she’s not exercising. She’s not making excuses. It just isn’t important to her right now. [34:26] - The third ingredient for success is to show up consistently and do the work. It may be obvious, but there’s a lot to it. [34:58] - Are you showing up consistently and working day in and day out for a long time? There are lessons you need to learn and you need time to learn them. [36:09] - This work includes failing and falling, but it all contributes to your goal. This success ingredient also includes all the work you don’t get credit for and all the work that is behind the scenes. [37:28] - If you only have two of these ingredients, you won’t make it. You have to have all three. [38:01] - Jill uses a classroom example to illustrate her point about needing all three ingredients to be successful. [40:08] - Once Jill started embracing these three success ingredients and decided to only focus her energy on those who showed all three, she became a better leader. Her business grew by 33% for 3 consecutive years. [41:34] - When you look at these success ingredients, it's a choice. You can decide if you have them or if you don’t. I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek
We are all doing some deep work right now. Whether you have just begun your journey or have been doing this work for decades, the Be You Collective is all here doing this work together. But let’s take a moment to slow down. Today is a quick visit episode with easy actionable steps you can take today that will change your life. To be honest, these actionable steps will not surprise you. We’ve heard of them. We know they work. But are we actually doing them? Revisit these simple but powerful routines to help you on your journey to be you. Show Notes: [1:42] - Jill’s episode today is simple and is something that you can implement today. While you are working on the deeper stuff, here are some quick things you can do to slow down and enjoy the journey. [2:44] - Number one: Breathe. We know it's important, but are we really doing it? [3:26] - When you wake up, once during the day, and before you go to bed, Jill invites you to take a deep breath in through your nose and let it out without having fear of anyone hearing you. Jill demonstrates. [4:33] - Number two: Gratitude. This is not new advice, but Jill wonders if we are really implementing it. [5:04] - After your breathing, stop and say out loud what you are grateful for. [5:50] - Number three: Affirmations. Jill admits to getting overwhelmed but she makes it simple to add in the Universal Success Mantra. [6:47] - Write down the Universal Success Mantra and put it somewhere that you will see it every single day. See it, read it, and say it daily. [8:04] - Another affirmation to add into your daily routine is “I am open to receiving abundance.” This one may seem weird and greedy, but you’ve already been grateful. You are ready and deserving of abundance. [9:34] - The third affirmation is an “I Am” statement. Jill gives many to think about, but just start with a couple. They take almost no time at all and make a world of difference. [10:20] - How can you take these three actionable steps and integrate them into your daily routine? [11:21] - Jill says that if you are struggling or in a season of your life that you feel like is never going to end, she understands. You are a part of this collective of women who are all feeling the same thing and listening. You are not alone. I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gay Hendricks
Ladies, we are breaking down some walls today and discussing a topic that we all shy away from: pleasure. We block our own pleasures and desires. We say no when we want to say yes or say yes when we want to say no. We are not always putting ourselves first. This is a topic that we hide from, judge others for, and feel shame, and admittedly, this is a part of my life that I have also ignored. That’s why I have Aimee Batuski as a guest today. Aimee is a pleasure and intimacy expert and coach. She helps women live turned on, connected, satisfying lives. She is the co-founder of Desire on Fire where she leads workshops and amazing retreats all around the world. Listen on while she shares her story and experiences and how her life changed when she stopped hiding from her body. This is how Aimee learned to be her. Show Notes: [2:33] - This is a topic of growth that Jill feels that we hide from, judge, and feel shame. In Jill’s life, this is a topic she has ignored. [3:53] - Aimee never planned on being a teacher or coach around pleasure. But after college and in the corporate world, she moved to LA and coaching but not in the area of pleasure. [5:41] - This is an area of our lives that we can get away with ignoring it and avoiding it. But Aimee says that we can’t hide forever because when we shame and hide ourselves from it for so long, it creates disease, discomfort, depression.  [6:29] - Aimee began attending retreats and workshops. She started noticing the changes in her life immediately and she learned to listen to herself and her body. [7:43] - Aimee started to let her body lead her life and that was radical for her. [8:10] - A lot of women feel a level of frozenness in their bodies and Aimee didn’t know she was frozen until she started thawing out. [9:27] - Since starting this process, Aimee experienced a complete transformation in her relationships and even in her business. [10:35] - Aimee led a pleasure workshop that had nothing to do with pleasure in the bedroom. Pleasure also means giving yourself permission to do things that you enjoy doing without feeling guilt. [11:26] - There is so much shame and conditioning around pleasure because being connected to our own pleasure is so powerful. [12:38] - We have to soften and slow down in order to be present in pleasure. We are disconnected from it because we have always been told it is shameful. [14:51] - Pleasure comes in subtle places. It isn’t always a grandiose thing. What can you do right now to make yourself feel pleasure? It could be as simple as getting a cup of tea. [15:47] - Aimee discusses and defines what she calls “Good Girl Syndrome” and how the things we’ve been conditioned to feel transform into being resentful and causing wreckage in our relationships in our adult lives. [18:08] - Jill admits that this area is scary for her as she has a history of sexual trauma, but has found that women who don’t have a background like hers are also afraid of it. [19:34] - Aimee shares that she was raised in a very sex-positive house, but she still became frozen because of the culture we live in. [21:12] - It doesn’t matter who you are or what you have experienced, women have resistance around these topics because we are a product of our culture. [22:55] - Are you fulfilled in this area or are you pretending to be fulfilled? [24:15] - We settle for what we think is good. It is the norm to think that whatever you have is enough even when so much more is possible. [25:32] - Jill and Aimee have found that when women are working on expanding their growth, this is oftentimes the “last stop.” [27:58] - Jill shares that she has always felt uncomfortable in clothes that she thinks are revealing and admits that she has caught herself judging other women for showing cleavage or for not wearing a bra. We are conditioned by our culture to pass judgment. [30:09] - Jill’s daughter posted a photo on Instagram for Halloween that initially spraked judgment. Jill shares how she handled it and her daughter’s reaction. [32:40] - The things we judge in other women are things that we don’t have “rightness” in ourselves. Aimee gives a few examples of how she discovered that her judgment was a reflection of a part of herself that was suppressed. [34:28] - We, as women, have all the archetypes inside of us. We shame some and accept others. Shaming and hiding it doesn’t make it go away and then we tend to shame others for accepting them. [37:10] - Aimee learned in recovery, in 12 steps, you gotta let people hit their bottoms. [38:30] - The Desire on Fire virtual event is a deep dive into these topics with actionable steps and resources to feel connected to your body.  [40:01] - If you are listening live, the virtual event takes place this weekend and Aimee is offering a tremendous discount to listeners of the Be YOU podcast. Go to Desire On Fire’s website to use the coupon code pleasurequeen. This is an awesome opportunity to say yes to yourself. I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman Aimee Batuski Home Page With Pleasure Podcast Aimee Batuski on Instagram Desire on Fire Instagram The Desire on Fire Experience: 3 Day Online Event (use coupon code pleasurequeen to save $500!) Aimee Batuski Coaching on Facebook
What do others think about you? What if they are judging your appearance or decisions? Better yet, what if they aren’t? We tell ourselves three major lies when it comes to the opinions of others and the worst part is that we are doing this to ourselves.  Welcome to the Be YOU Podcast. I’m your host, Jill Herman, and today we are talking about something that every single person in this world encounters and struggles with: the need for approval. It is natural, but we can’t live our lives based on what we think others are thinking. So listen on for some experiences I have had in my life and some actionable steps you can take in your life to be you. Show Notes: [1:24] - Today we’re talking about the need for approval and the attachment we have to the opinions of others. [1:58] - Jill says that in her experience, it is very common to struggle with the need for approval but that most women feel like they are the only ones experiencing it. [2:47] - Jill gives an example of something that she has experienced in her life of getting feedback from people who don’t even know they’re giving you feedback. She cut her hair short three times in her life and had the exact same response from other women. [4:53] - When the other women were commenting on Jill’s hairstyle, they were telling her that they loved her courage to do it. [5:57] - Jill realized that those women were really saying that they wish they didn’t care what others thought and that they were courageous, too. [7:12] - This doesn’t apply to everyone. If you don’t like short hair, then don’t cut it. But Jill is speaking to those women who want to know what it feels like to have short hair and aren’t giving themselves permission to go for it. [8:56] - The main reasons Jill hears that a woman won’t cut her hair short even if she wants to is the fear that it won’t look good or that their partner won’t approve of it. [10:18] - For those who are worried that their partner won’t like it, it usually isn’t true. What your partner is attracted to is you being happy and comfortable in your own skin. [11:06] - Jill took a professional development course and faced her fear of heights. During that course, she was kicking ass at the other parts of the course but she needed a lot of help with high ropes. [11:42] - When it comes to this example of cutting hair, if you don’t think cutting your hair short is a big deal, then it doesn’t scare you. But likely, there is another area of your life where the opinions of others matters to you. [12:08] - There are three lies that we tell ourselves. Jill discusses these three lies in her free ebook Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others.  [12:41] - The first lie we tell ourselves is that others’ opinions matter. [13:06] - The second lie is that their opinion matters more than our own. And the third lie is that others actually care. [13:51] - Jill highly recommends listening and reading content by Dr. Brené Brown. [14:33] - Get a sticky note out and write down the names of the people whose opinion should matter to you. Be careful with this task. Really think about the people on this list. [15:45] - Jill also recommends breaking the list into categories. Do you value someone’s opinion about certain decisions but not others? That’s okay. [16:41] - Be sure not to put someone on this list due to obligation or guilt. [18:06] - Take a look at trends. If you follow a trend because you like it, that’s great! But if you are following a trend just because other people are doing it, run the other direction. [18:39] - When you give more value to their opinion of you than yours, it is like putting yourself in a mental, emotional, and spiritual prison. [20:07] - We also tell ourselves that others actually pay attention to what you are doing. Everyone is wrapped up in their own lives that we know nothing about. [21:10] - What if people are noticing you because they are seeing the best in you? [22:14] - There are people who live their entire life based upon what they think others are thinking and saying about them. They won’t make a decision that aligns with their soul. [24:26] - When you quiet your mind and tune into your heart, you know the answer, and you know the decision you should make, because God speaks through the heart. [25:13] - You don’t have to tell the people you put on your sticky note, but what if you did? [25:36] - The next time you see someone who you think is judging you, shift your thinking from judgment to something positive. What if they are thinking something great about you? [26:11] - Every single person out there, no matter how successful, is a work in progress. They are not better than you. [27:48] - Put everything through this filter. Realize that other people have their own head trash, they don’t care, and even if they did, they aren’t on your sticky note. [29:18] - If we start living this way, think about how this will affect our children for the better? [30:21] - When you acknowledge the freedom and power in another woman, you are giving permission to yourself to be you. I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman
Trauma is an inevitable part of the human journey. I’m not just talking about those big, catastrophic, life-altering events. I’m also talking about the Little “t” traumas that teach you how to be you.  Welcome to the Be YOU Podcast, where we stop forcing, competing, and comparing and learn how to uncover the real us so we can celebrate her and BE HER. I am thrilled to have Dr. Jenn Chrisman here with us today to talk about trauma. Dr. Jenn Chrisman is a licensed clinical psychologist, speaker, coach, host of the top-rated Love Your Truth Podcast, and forthcoming author. She is committed to guiding people to their highest potential through inspiring radical self-reflection and offering practical direction. While her formal education has provided her with knowledge in the field of mental health, it is her life experiences and intuitive nature that makes her truly special at what she does and capable of guiding others in their own quest. As you listen to Dr. Jenn today, you will hear and feel the passion in her voice as she and I talk about Big “T” and Little “t” trauma. I think you will be surprised at how trauma can be a part of our lives without us even knowing it and what we can do to use these experiences to be unapologetically ourselves. Show Notes: [3:41] - Jenn Chrisman explains what Big “T” and Little “t” Trauma are. Trauma in general is a hotbed topic right now. [4:19] - Generally, we think about trauma as these catastrophic, life-altering events. Jenn gives examples of what we have historically considered to be trauma. [5:03] - But there are micro-traumas that can occur in day-to-day life. This is Little “t” trauma and it can show up anywhere. [6:26] - Jenn gives examples of some events that could present themselves subconsciously as Little “t” traumas. Oftentimes, this happens without us even knowing it. [6:47] - It’s really about creating a relationship of compassion and acceptance and acknowledgment of all of our experiences, including the ones that we’ve been told to sweep under the rug. [7:33] - Jill shares that she has a background with Big “T” trauma and it caused her to compartmentalize. She knew something had happened to her but she couldn’t remember it. [8:45] - Jenn explains that the brain is this incredibly powerful protector and when we experience something that is traumatic for us, it is common for us not to have a conscious memory of it. [9:48] - The Body Keeps the Score is a book that Jenn recommends about how the body can hold on to trauma without the mind consciously remembering it. [10:23] - You have a beautiful opportunity to look at and take an honest inventory of your life. We also have to be mindful that we don’t spend too much time trying to figure it out. [11:45] - This process has a certain level of surrender. Your mind will show you only what you are prepared and ready to see. [13:01] - Jill explains that in her journey, she did not begin seeking what happened to her. She followed her gut. [14:38] - Trauma is an inevitable part of the human journey. [15:46] - As we grow and develop, we learn how to be afraid, silence ourselves, and play small.  [17:50] - As a mom, Jenn knows that part of her children’s path is to learn how to navigate these Little “t” traumas that force them to create a new relationship with their experiences. [19:05] - Jill admits that as someone who has experienced Big “T” trauma, that she wants to protect her children from experiencing any pain and trauma at all. But really, it is our jobs as parents to help our children navigate through their own experiences. [22:04] - What happens when we hover as parents, we fail to teach our children resilience and how to tolerate discomfort. [24:32] - Jenn and Jill discuss what it means to “be you.” This concept of knowing who you are and being okay with who you are is very in line with Jenn’s podcast as well - Love Your Truth Podcast. Oftentimes the reason why we struggle with knowing who we are is because we are taught to think of ourselves as one-dimensional. [25:32] - Jenn shares an analogy of how life is like riding a bus and picking up different passengers. At different times in your life, there is a different driver of the bus, but once a passenger is on the bus, they’re there for life. [27:23] - We all have these complex layers and we are conditioned through life to hide certain parts. [28:49] - Being you is embracing all of it. [30:28] - Jenn briefly shares her past traumas as an example of knowing all of her “passengers.” Not everyone has these blaring, obvious passengers.  [31:39] - Something you can do to know your passengers is to make a timeline of major key events or developmental milestones. These don’t have to be negative events but can be positive memories as well. [32:45] - Healing happens through embodiment and creativity. So many of us get very into our own heads. [33:30] - Using your timeline of major key events in your life, create a story. Tell the story of these “characters” and how they feel and view the world. This creative expression makes it easier to conceptualize your “passengers.” [35:14] - Journaling is also a powerful tool because it is a creative process. [36:34] - Dr. Chrisman has recently stopped doing one-on-one therapy with people and has shifted to a monthly membership that just launched called The Embodied Life Experience. [37:46] - She also offers different services, coaching, and mentorships, but The Embodied Life is where Jenn’s passion lies. [39:37] - Jill just signed up for Dr. Chrisman’s monthly membership and they discuss how impactful breathwork is. I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman Dr. Jenn Chrisman Web Page Love Your Truth Podcast with Dr. Jenn Chrisman
The little voice. The inner roommate. Negative Nancy. Head Trash. Whatever you call it, we all have it. Whether or not it is dominating our lives, is up to us. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just kick this voice to the curb? Of course! Is it that easy? Absolutely not. Most of the time, we don’t even know these negative thoughts are in control. In order to get a handle on this head trash, we need to know what it is, how it got there, and how to flip it around. In this episode of Be You, we’ll do just that. After learning about what head trash is and how it can manifest itself in your life, I’ll also give you three takeaways that will have a positive impact on how you feel and how you show up in life.  It isn’t another affirmation. It isn’t a one-day homework assignment that will fix it all. It is a journey. Your unique journey to being you. Show Notes: [2:30] - There are tons of names for what Jill calls “head trash,” but whatever you call it, it is that negative voice in your head. Everyone has it. [3:09] - It sounds great to just kick this voice out, but there’s more to it than that. [4:33] - All of these thoughts start in a part of our brain that we don’t know is in control. [5:24] - Maybe you are thinking that you don’t have this voice, but Jill assures us that everyone does. For those who feel like they don’t have head trash, right now your subconscious is not running the show. [6:27] - One way that we get this head trash in our brains is by childhood experiences. When we are children, our developing subconscious brain sees everything as true and then becomes a filter through which we see things later on. [7:11] - Another way we get these negative voices is through things that other people say to us that become painful. [8:10] - Jill gives some examples of how certain relatable experiences can turn into head trash. [10:08] - We may not remember these experiences as adults, but they are stored in the subconscious and show themselves in our feelings. [12:02] - Jill shares a real-life example about her childhood memories of hearing her parents arguing non-stop about money.  [13:41] - Not only did Jill start to think that money was bad because it causes arguments, she also started to long for money because she had learned through her parents’ arguments that money brings happiness. [14:45] - Jill had the drive to earn money but she also had the limiting belief that money was bad which led her to not being able to keep it.  [16:18] - We walk through life unconsciously seeing everything through a lens we have created through our experiences. [16:46] - This is our own reality. Then we become detectives searching for evidence that everything we believe is true. [18:03] - If you’re going to make your external reality match your internal reality, you are going to sabotage everything. Jill gives examples of how this can affect you. [18:44] - Jill admits to spending many years putting emphasis on the meaning she creates about her experiences than actual facts. [20:21] - For those of you who know of these experiences and know that you are seeing things through a distorted lens, what are you doing to change your negative thoughts? [22:01] - Are you getting negative results from your hard work? Or are you having great results, but still don’t feel fulfilled? Deep down, you have a limiting belief that is telling you that you are not enough. [23:03] - All of our limiting beliefs boil down to the fear of not being enough. [24:03] - A lot of us are simultaneously afraid of being not enough and being too much. [24:45] - All of this shows up in our lives and manifests physically, too. Jill gives examples on how this might happen. [26:07] - Limiting beliefs also manifest financially, especially if you have head trash surrounding money. [28:03] - Jill shares that head trash will show up in our inner circle, our finances, and our closest relationships. Jill illustrates this with true stories and examples. [30:04] - We experience things in life today that will trigger and open these old wounds and stories that were planted in our brains and we don’t even know it. [31:12] - The five people you spend the most time with as your inner circle are attracted to you and are a mirror to you. Why did you attract them? Do you need to make some changes to your boundaries? [32:18] - You can’t just do affirmations and simply get over these stories and experiences. [33:21] - How do you feel about your inner circle? Are they growing with you? What boundaries do you need? [34:15] - Jill’s first takeaway is to identify your head trash in words. [34:45] - The next takeaway is to write out the exact opposite of your head trash beliefs. Restate your negative beliefs in the positive. [35:48] - The third takeaway is to become a detective. Collect evidence for your newly positive beliefs that you wrote down. [36:22] - Because you choose to look for this evidence, you will see it. It is now in your awareness. [37:59] - Before you go to sleep after collecting evidence for a day, write down how it felt. [39:01] - In the beginning, this will feel weird and unnatural, but with practice and repetition, you will see this evidence more naturally and everywhere you go. I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level by Gaye Hendricks
Self-love and self-care are such a hot topic right now. But it doesn’t mean what we’ve been conditioned to believe. Sure, going out for an occasional pedicure or squeezing a nap into your busy day are definitely things you can do to love yourself. But self-love is all about the stories you tell yourself on a daily basis. What does that voice sound like? Welcome to the Be You Podcast! On this journey, we will work together to find the things we can do to discover our true selves and to be that person unapologetically. My guest today is my own personal business coach (and the first business coach I’ve ever hired), Cayla Craft. Cayla is a self-made millionaire, host of the Mommy Millionaire Podcast, and the author of the book The Habit of Leading Yourself. Our conversation today is such a wonderful jumping-off point for us as the first Be You episode with an interview!  Cayla wants you to know that, yes, you can decide to be a Ferrari instead of a bulldozer. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Not sure what that means? Listen on to find out more on how to have it all with Cayla Craft. Show Notes: [3:15] - Jill realized she hired the right business coach when her first conversation with Cayla had nothing to do with business. [4:10] - During their first conversation ever, Cayla was able to get Jill to open up and answer questions that she hadn’t thought about before. [5:36] - Cayla began as an ER nurse and discovered that after all the years she dreamed of this job that she didn’t love it.  [6:47] - She then began selling a product that she loved for herself and although she had earned one million dollars in commissions, she still didn’t feel fulfilled. [7:09] - After dabbling in some other areas, Cayla founded Mommy Millionaire and that is where she found her purpose in helping other women become rich. [8:51] - The movies we grew up with depict rich people as greedy and we learn through them that a “prince charming” will come and rescue us. But that’s not reality. [9:25] - Mommy Millionaire started and continues as a podcast. Cayla also has Mommy Millionaire coaches, courses, and an academy. She also offers one-on-one coaching as well. [10:48] - People have been socially conditioned that it is not normal to invest in yourself. [12:26] - Part of our job as thought leaders is to teach people to think for themselves. [13:09] - There could be a lot of reasons a woman might not invest in a coaching program. One reason that Jill offers up is that a woman may say it is because of money, but they believe in their mind that they don’t deserve the life they want. [14:09] - Cayla is passionate about showing women that they can and deserve to be successful.  [15:42] - People tend to be in one of two categories when it comes to work and career goals. They are either in an all-in “workhorse” mentality, or they are in victim mode. Cayla describes the difference. [16:33] - Cayla shares that when her daughter turned two, she had realized that she hadn’t been around for her because she was traveling for work. But she had been saying that she was doing it for her daughter.  [17:19] - When she made this realization, she decided that she could build a business from her home and started saying no to the things that didn’t fit in her life as a mom. [19:16] - None of this means that you need to quit your job. It isn’t about the job. It’s about the connection you make with your children in the time you have with them. [20:13] - When we are in survival mode, we don’t make the best decisions, because we’re not thriving. [21:16] - Cayla encourages you to look in the mirror and ask yourself where in your life you are in survival mode for. [22:34] - Not only was Jill in fight-or-flight mode, she also found her worth in overworking herself. [23:57] - Self-love is not treating yourself now and then to a pedicure or taking a nap. It is about the stories you tell yourself on a daily basis. [24:49] - Cayla says to be an observer of your thoughts rather than an owner of your thoughts. Most of your thoughts are social conditioning. [27:24] - This self-love was not modeled to us as we were growing up because this self-development world did not exist. [28:17] - Cayla shares her story about when she discovered that she didn’t have enough self-love and hired her own life-changing business coach. [30:37] - The number one thing that Cayla worked on with her coach during that time was forgiveness of people in her life and herself. [31:11] - Cayla learned to create the new rules of what she wanted to be like and ditched the old rules of what she thought success was supposed to look like. [32:05] - Cayla’s coach also taught her muscle coaching as well. She defines this tool as a way to determine if you really believe the affirmations you are telling yourself. [34:02] - Initially, Jill was not attracted or convinced that Cayla was the right coach for her and has discovered that it is because of her own fears, judgments, and ego. [35:42] - Other people can be a trigger to you. Jill and Cayla discuss what this can look like. [38:34] - Cayla shares that you can contact her by texting her the word “podcast” at (661) 491-7447 and she will send you affirmations and a lot of great resources to your phone. I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman Mommy Millionaire Home Page Mommy Millionaire Podcast Cayla Craft on Instagram Cayla Craft on LinkedIn The Habit of Leading Yourself: A One Year Guide to Becoming Unstoppable by Cayla Craft
Meet Jill

Meet Jill

2020-10-2734:553

Welcome to the Be YOU Podcast! I am your host, Jill Herman, and I am thrilled to be starting this journey with you alongside me. No matter where you are in your personal growth, this podcast has something that you are meant to hear. This first episode is a small part of my story and how I was inspired to dive into this podcast experience. I have learned a lot of hard lessons through my life but when I finally started listening, God led me here. So, who are you, really? You can’t be you if you don’t know who you are. This podcast is a journey and an exploration of who you are and what is holding you back. What are the layers covering you up and where did they come from? Take a deep breath and remember that you and the life that you want are worth fighting for. And it’s time to be you. Show Notes: [1:23] - Jill introduces herself as a mom and former registered nurse in the Midwest. 13 years ago she dove into an online health and wellness business that was entirely out of her comfort zone. [2:15] - While working as a nurse, Jill also had a side hustle in online marketing which turned into more than her career.  [3:19] - Jill admits that she was proud of being a nurse, but she felt that she was cast as the wrong role in a movie. It didn’t fit. [4:49] - When Jill started talking about what she wanted out of a career and putting it out into the universe, it came to her. [5:53] - Since childhood, Jill had been very anxious and insecure. She was a perfectionist who found her worth through achieving and attention. She was sensitive and struggled with regulating her emotions. [6:57] - As she was working and having children, she was very involved and wanted everything to appear perfect on the outside. She didn’t realize that was because she felt chaotic and unhappy on the inside and this was how she was asserting control over something. [7:59] - Jill was also the type of person that felt that she wasn’t as good as someone else especially if they were earning more money than her. [9:19] - Jill forced her way into these exciting goals but she admits that all of her success came at a really big cost - missing out on connections with her family and friends. [10:29] - She became burned out and exhausted and she made the decision that the life she was living was not the life she wanted. The decision to end her marriage was a huge growth moment for Jill. [12:08] - Jill looked in the mirror and dug deep into this work on herself. She learned about trauma, head trash, and ways to grow.  [13:23] - The surprise for Jill was as she was working on her new project (herself), her business started growing and with much less effort. [14:01] - As Jill was growing, she started attracting more positive people into her life, including her husband. This relationship could not have been possible if she hadn’t taken the necessary steps to work on herself. [15:32] - Another change Jill made was to go against what she had been programmed to believe and lists several of her amazing experiences that challenged her to grow. [16:42] - Jill made the decision to unfollow religion. When she did, she found a deeper relationship with God than she had ever had before. [17:34] - Starting to say no was a big change for Jill as she has always sought approval. She started to create healthy boundaries and it changed everything. [19:25] - Her business grew with very little effort to a multi-million dollar company. [20:50] - God nudged Jill into awareness that her career was not forever. It was time to walk away from that chapter because she had outgrown it. [21:49] - Unfortunately, Jill did not listen, but resisted. This was a hard lesson, but she started listening. [23:24] - Jill started to write a book but it didn’t feel right. It felt forced and painful because she wasn’t ready. [25:40] - This podcast came after a sign. Jill shares her amazing realization that this is what she is meant to be doing. [28:01] - We have forgotten who we are. We need to take a step back to figure out who we are before we can be that person. [29:58] - Once we can find out who we are and be that person, that is empowerment and we can live the life we are supposed to live. [31:05] - Jill lists the exciting and amazing ideas she has with how this podcast will move forward. No matter where you are in your journey, there is a seat for you. I know there was something in this episode that you were meant to hear. Let me know what that is. Thank you for being here today with me on our healing journeys. Links and Resources: Be You Home Page Jill Herman on Instagram Be You Collective on Facebook Don’t forget to download your free ebook to help you discover how to live a life of POWER, FREEDOM, and JOY! Be You and Break Free From the Opinions of Others by Jill Herman
Trailer: Be You

Trailer: Be You

2020-10-2601:41

Welcome to the very first episode of the BE YOU podcast! In this episode, we get a sneak peek into our host Jill’s story, and lessons she has learned through her success in business and personal growth (as well as the pursuit of them!) As you can tell from this first episode, this podcast is going to be vulnerable, and help you learn how to connect with yourself and your power on a deeper level! Thank you for joining in on this journey, there is a seat for you at this podcast table! You and the life you want are worth fighting for! 01:05 How in the world did this podcast come to be? 03:15 How it felt like I was “cast in the wrong movie”! 05:50 Starting with a list of limiting beliefs. 10:10 Realizing the life I had was not the life I wanted. 14:00 Applying personal growth and the law of attraction! 17:15 What changed when I quit “the hustle”? 22:00 Listening to the nudge to leave Network Marketing. 24:05 Learning to surrender. 27:20 Doing the messy work to REALLY get to know and love ourselves. 31:30 What can you expect to get from this podcast?  Connect with Jill on Instagram: @jillhermanbeyou 
Welcome to the Be You Podcast Hosted by Jill Herman. We will officially be launching the podcast on October 27th.
Comments (7)

Leanne Clark

you described me to a T. I need to learn to say no, I have mom guilt, I have head trash. can't wait to time in weekly.

Oct 28th
Reply

Trisha Mitchell

Great practical advice and action steps to get out of our own way...every.single.day. I've got some work to do.

Oct 27th
Reply

Jillian Howard

Wonderful podcast! It offers the opportunity to tune into yourself and surround your mind with positive words, understanding, and encouragement from other women. What a gift, love it!

Oct 27th
Reply

Carrie DeMott

oh my this was great info and wish I had all this info when my daughter was young!😍

Oct 27th
Reply

Trisha Mitchell

self love❤❤❤

Oct 27th
Reply

Carrie DeMott

Jill is an amazing trainer, leader and friend. If you are not afraid to dig deep and get real with your personal journey to a better you then this podcast is for you! You owe it to yourself to say yes to the Be You journey!

Oct 27th
Reply

Trisha Mitchell

I would not be where I am without you or your journey.

Oct 27th
Reply
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