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Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet
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Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Author: Alex and Christine Schiefer

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A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems.
105 Episodes
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Between the indiscriminate pooping, tea bags, and bodily excreted waste... this might be our grossest episode yet. But if you can make it through, you can hear our mother's favorite joke. Well, maybe that's the worst part of the episode. We'll let you be the judge. See you in our next show, "Yelper Nightmares!" Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Welcome to our first weekly Winnie-sode! We discuss jellybean storage, dried up condoms, and we touch on what it's like to be an oxygen-dependent woman of a certain age. That's our story, morning glory! Follow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
The Schiefer Siblings are coming out to play! And they're on a mission... to normalize... constipation? God this episode is messy. If you want, you're welcome to dive headfirst into this mess of crazy craft store reviews and reviews of cat cafes from people allergic to cats. This episode is not sponsored by Eagle-Eye Cherry, but we wish it was as he's pretty much the coolest.  Follow Alex on Twitch to watch our upcoming Jackbox Games nights! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
From bidets to porn sites, we talk about pretty much everything this episode. Thankfully it's a bonus episode, so we can do what we want! And so can you, but we'd encourage you to donate to the One Fair Wage Emergency Fund by going to OFWEmergencyFund.org. With your leftover money, feel free to buy yourself a plague doctor mask. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
77: Lakes in Minnesota

77: Lakes in Minnesota

2020-05-1356:461

Turn off your Jimmy Buffet and hop aboard the Silky Pig, because we're going yelping! Join us on this amazing natural journey where we discover all the crazies Minnesota has to offer.  Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Before you listen to this episode, we've gotta lay down some ground rules. We expect you to either write us a poem or give us a dollar. And once you do, you'll have to follow the golden rule: ~*~Impeccable Vibes ONLY~*~ Only then can we accept you as our succulent listeners. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
We've got new merch!! Head over to bit.ly/beachtoosandymerch for a "Lunatic Leftwing Liberal Loser" pin, a "Baron of Cream" shirt or a Beach Too Sandy decal!  If you've ever eaten calamari at a bowling alley, this episode isn't for you. Because the lit fairy godmothers Malex and Mristine are judging you. But don't worry, Malex gets what's coming to him when he embarrasses himself by being unable to say "early bird menu" properly. So at least listen to that struggle. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Since this was released at 11 PM our time on April 30th, we're counting it as the April Between You And Us. Deal with it or face us and our spirited personalities. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
We hope after listening to this episode, you tell everyone how much we mind blew you with our talk of mutant chickens and souvlaki #WhitePizzaWith500RawOnionsInAPoolOfWater Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Listen to this week's episode to find out how you can win a copy of Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the Nintendo Switch! If you already own a copy, listen to this episode to hear us audition for the role of Animal Crossing voice actors, and to find out why Christine is on Alex's dodos' no-fly list. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
74: Cigar Shops in Cuba

74: Cigar Shops in Cuba

2020-04-2251:367

Years from now, we believe someone will wonder if Tim Allen was one of the hosts of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. And that person is Christine Schiefer. Find out what else she thinks Tim Allen was in on this episode of your favorite review reading podcast, this time with less Yelp... since apparently Cuba doesn't have Yelp. But we still think you'll enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Calling all iron maiden fans! Whether that's of the band, the medieval torture device, or our mother. We've got an uplifting? bonus episode for you where we only read the positive reviews (mostly)!!!! So come join us for a Gonzo ride in this edition of Schiefer Madness! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
YEGADS! In this week's episode, Christine philosophizes and Alex waxes poetic. If that doesn't convince you to listen to this one, then we don't blame you. But we hope you give us the chance to warn you about big brother watching you through light switches and of the dangers of fascist architecture. We promise it's worth it.  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Is that title really not enough for you? Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel to see our beautiful faces! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, robinhood76, and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
72: Resorts in Mexico

72: Resorts in Mexico

2020-04-0801:02:326

Let me tell you something, bro... *thumbs down emoji* *poop emoji *coffin emoji* *nails emoji* *baby bottle emoji* *pill emoji* *wrench emoji* KARMA BACK AT YOU! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Hey all you cool cats and kittens! If you haven't watched Tiger King, give in to all the pressure and watch it. Otherwise, this episode is gonna be pretty nonsensical. All we want to do during our stay-at-home order is drink wine and rescue bobcats, but we took the time to record this ridiculous episode. Enjoy! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, robinhood76, and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Love a good panto? That must mean you're British! So stop whatever yawn-fest you're participating in, and join us as we read reviews of universities in England. Christine also reads some of the worst reviews we've had on the show, and there's nothing redeeming about them. So... enjoy? Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
You should really listen to this episode, but keep in mind that it won't save your life. Only Lysol can do that apparently. We hope you enjoy this surprise bonus episode. Please stay safe out there! And a very big thank you to everyone who is still working and supporting their communities. Things you can do during the COVID-19 epidemic: Donate to help kids who depend on school lunches at http://www.nokidhungry.org Avoid purchasing WIC items to save them for families who depend on WIC. Support your local Chinese businesses! Self-isolate! Vulnerable members of the community are depending on all of us to help stop the spread of the virus. And finally, be kind to yourself. If you are struggling with your mental health, you can contact the confidential Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting HOME to 741741 Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Dear Webmaster, Please enjoy this episode of us speaking in runes about Lord of the Rings. After that, Alex gives us a much needed pick me up when he reads reviews mentioning bodega cats, who are as fuzzy as the ham they eat. So turn your ring lights on and try not to be put off to hobbits! Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Things you can do during the COVID-19 epidemic: Donate to help kids who depend on school lunches at http://www.nokidhungry.org Avoid purchasing WIC items to save them for families who depend on WIC. Support your local Chinese businesses! Self-isolate! Vulnerable members of the community are depending on all of us to help stop the spread of the virus. And finally, be kind to yourself. If you are struggling with your mental health, you can contact the confidential Crisis Text Line 24/7 by texting HOME to 741741 Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
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Comments (72)

Antoinette Everett

mad props for referencing the Potter Puppet Pals

May 29th
Reply

Jayann Chipman

An ipaq is a pocket computer. Not an ipad.

May 22nd
Reply

A Cleminson

Best episode so far. So so funny. 😆

May 16th
Reply

Alex Quinn

I’m so excited for the theme of craft stores in Raleigh. I don’t live there but I work at Michaels. The art and yarn crafters always have the most fun interactions

May 13th
Reply

A Cleminson

This would be better if they read the review in its entirety before commenting and asking questions. They can go over it again after it is fully read...

May 9th
Reply

DisneyandBroadwaybeauty

Thanks for defending retail employees, and please tip your food service employees.

May 6th
Reply

DisneyandBroadwaybeauty

Thanks for defending retail employees, and please tip your food service employees.

May 6th
Reply

Windy Pineda

I'm here to say that Alex Spanish pronunciation is actually pretty good :)

Apr 30th
Reply

DisneyandBroadwaybeauty

I think my eyes started crossing in disgust when I got the part about the flat earthier, but that’s just my opinion

Apr 26th
Reply

Keleyna Staves

the cigar box that needs plugged in a humidor, used to keep cigars at the correct humidity while storing them.

Apr 22nd
Reply

Windy Pineda

I almost had a heart attack!! #AprilFools

Apr 18th
Reply

DisneyandBroadwaybeauty

Does anyone know that is playing in the background when Em was reading a review about Walt Disney World in Florida?

Apr 17th
Reply (1)

Kristina Reynolds

You two are hilarious, you're really helping me through this pandemic! thanks!

Apr 10th
Reply

Harman Felicia

Buenos días, permítanme compartir un pequeño testimonio sobre un hombre que me ayudó a curar mi enfermedad del cáncer desde hace 13 años y he probado muchos medicamentos herbales, pero no pudieron ayudarme, pero después de ver al Dr. Lele Contact en línea, lo contacté para ayudarme a curar mi enfermedad del cáncer Afortunadamente para mí, él mantiene su medicina herbapl curará mi enfermedad de cáncer. El Dr. Lele preparó su medicina herbal y me la envió. Después de usarlo durante 3 semanas, me encontraron negativo. cuando fui a la prueba, estaba tan confundido y sorprendido cuando mi médico me dijo que mi resultado fue negativo, qué gran hombre, si quieres su cura, envíe un correo electrónico ahora: Correo electrónico: drlelehealingtemple@gmail.com y whatsapp +2348121038181 y obtenga sanar totalmente. Dijo que la hierba para curar la diferencia cura cualquier enfermedad (1) HERPES, (2) DIABETES, (3) VIH y SIDA, (4) INFECCIÓN DEL TRACTO URINARIO, (5) HEPATITIS B, (6) IMPOTENCIA, (7) DESNUDO / INFERTILIDAD (8) DIARREA (9) ASMA ... Correo electrónico: drlelehealingtemple@gmail.com WHTASAPP +2348121038181

Apr 6th
Reply

Harman Felicia

HERBAL CURE FOR HERPES I am so Happy to be writing this article in here, i am here to explore blogs forum about the wonderful and most safe cure for HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS . I was positive to the deadly Virus called HERPES and i lost hope completely because i was rejected even by my closet friends. i searched online to know and inquire about cure for HERPES and i saw Dr Lukas Lele testimony online on how he was cured so many persons from Herpes Disease so i decided to contact the great herbalist because i know that nature has the power to heal everything. i contacted him to know how he can help me and he told me never to worry that he will help me with the natural herbs from God! after 2 days of contacting him, he told me that the cure has been ready and he sent it to me via FEDEX or DHL and it got to me after 4 days! i used the medicine as he instructed me (MORNING and EVENING) and i was cured! its really like a dream but i’m so happy! that’s the reason i decided to also add more comment of Him so that more people can be saved just like me! and if you need his help,contact his Email: (drlelehealingtemple@gmail.com) you can contact him on WHTASAPP +2348121038181 He said have the herb to cure difference cure for any sickness (1) HERPES, (2) DIABETES, (3) HIV&AIDS, (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION, (5) HEPATITIS B, (6) IMPOTENCE, (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY (8) DIARRHEA (9) ASTHMA… Email: drlelehealingtemple@gmail.com WHTASAPP +2348121038181

Apr 6th
Reply

Harman Felicia

HERBAL CURE FOR HERPES I am so Happy to be writing this article in here, i am here to explore blogs forum about the wonderful and most safe cure for HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS . I was positive to the deadly Virus called HERPES and i lost hope completely because i was rejected even by my closet friends. i searched online to know and inquire about cure for HERPES and i saw Dr Lukas Lele testimony online on how he was cured so many persons from Herpes Disease so i decided to contact the great herbalist because i know that nature has the power to heal everything. i contacted him to know how he can help me and he told me never to worry that he will help me with the natural herbs from God! after 2 days of contacting him, he told me that the cure has been ready and he sent it to me via FEDEX or DHL and it got to me after 4 days! i used the medicine as he instructed me (MORNING and EVENING) and i was cured! its really like a dream but i’m so happy! that’s the reason i decided to also add more comment of Him so that more people can be saved just like me! and if you need his help,contact his Email: (drlelehealingtemple@gmail.com) you can contact him on WHTASAPP +2348121038181 He said have the herb to cure difference cure for any sickness (1) HERPES, (2) DIABETES, (3) HIV&AIDS, (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION, (5) HEPATITIS B, (6) IMPOTENCE, (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY (8) DIARRHEA (9) ASTHMA… Email: drlelehealingtemple@gmail.com WHTASAPP +2348121038181

Apr 6th
Reply

Katy Perkins

I love these two.

Apr 3rd
Reply

oh Jojo

I want to see the reddit comments on that one.......

Mar 20th
Reply

Jakub Antala

I'm pissing myself after the first review 🤣 oooh maaan Long John Donut with a cream from the side. I'm done 😆

Mar 18th
Reply

Kelly Trent

I'd have searched for nail clipper reviews

Feb 28th
Reply
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