Beyond the Beaded Curtain

36 Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros 2010 with guest Jack Stallion So, here's the deal folks. Jack and I watched this movie, and it's not a good movie, and we talked about it anyway. We had some new and different recording mishaps that make for a slightly disjointed conclusion. And instead of getting this published in time for my birthday, I got all depressed and didn't do it and now I rushed it and here it is. You can still make me happy by leaving me a review or by bothering your friends until they give this thing a listen.    Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1612603/   Full movie: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph59b8389d7036e

Randy and Jack Stallion are checking out a more resent, softcore movie this week because concepts like "vintage" and "time" are meaningless and we all know it. Maybe our highest-rated movie of all time, but keep in mind that this is a month into lockdown so who can say what's going on with our tastes exactly. Plenty of cast-overlap with the "Breastiverse" flicks we reviewed early on.    Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1594912/   Full movie: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5c3216a259118

Not really sure what to do with the numbering system on these episodes. Maybe I'll just make it more and more confusing. Maybe I'll just restart from episode one, and count all the episodes equally? Who knows! But even that doesn't really work because there are a couple of "lost" episodes that count in our episode numbers but have never been released. Mysterious! Anyway, here I am talking Batman with my friend Cody Grenada!   Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0136164/   Complete movie: https://xhamster.com/videos/the-erotic-adventures-of-bedman-and-throbbin-1989-2594686

It's another solo Randy episode! That's the thing everyone loves, right? Hope so! Randy spends most of this episode talking about anise-flavored booze. And why shouldn't he? It's much more exciting than this movie! Lots of ferns and 80s lingerie, but otherwise, not much to get excited about. Oh well! All of us here at BBC headquarters wish you a safe quarantine and we'd like to remind you that if you want to kill a couple of hours, you can always come on the pod! That's right—certain other programs rely on celebrity guests or experts. Not us! We let literally anyone do it!  Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0189799/ Full movie: https://xhamster.com/videos/never-sieep-alone-720-1984-8710064

How about a long episode? Randy doesn't have anything better to do. And there's lots to talk about because Randy has got Jack Stallion on the pod today. Did we take this too seriously? Perhaps! But these are serious times. Cool soundtrack. Bad movie. Oh well! Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0192757/   Full movie: https://xhamster.com/videos/the-vixens-of-kung-fu-1975-11628394

So I read that nobody's listening to podcasts right now, which I'm guessing is because podcasts are often a form of entertainment we experience while doing other things, like driving to work. And nobody's driving to work. Oh well! I'm going to keep making new episodes and releasing them at no particular time because why not? I can think of no good reason. So here you go: Bad Girls.  Another great title song! Promising first half after some initial concerns, but then the back half is a bit of a letdown. Still, it's way better than that cartoon we watched last time! But then, almost anything would be better than that cartoon.  Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082044/ Complete film: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5e036e2b645f0

Special guest Honey Wellbutrin, an animator, called in this week to talk about our first animated movie, and lemme tell ya: it sucks. It's the worst thing we've ever seen. Absolute trash from start to finish. Considerably worse than anything we've ever covered! We've only recently really locked in the rating system, but regardless of how we might've scored previous films, this is absolutely the only 1 fern rating. Not even Spermula was this hard to watch, folks! Good ep.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Once_Upon_a_Girl

Look, we're just going to drop this early because it 100% feels like the world is ending and I can't have it end  without you all knowing what I think about The Pig Keeper's Daughter (1972). Could've used more pig. And there you go! That's the end of it! Now you know! Don't even bother listening! JK please bother listening. From IMDB: Moonbeam Swyner, the pig keeper's curvaceous daughter, is still waiting for her Prince Charming. Instead, she will have to make do with a travelling perfume and lingerie salesman. Could he be the One?  Nope! He's awful. Bad movie, good soundtrack! Edited on the quick so I hope I did ok! Stay healthy   Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069087/ Complete movie: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph59f1cededa637

Hey sorry for the late episode folks! I can't imagine anyone is organizing their week around this so you probably didn't notice, but here goes! Another solo episode, this time about a much better movie. Sorry you didn't get to watch this one, Reno! Amanda By Night is a quality noir flick, or at least it's pretty good compared to most of the stuff we watch! The story basically holds together, and includes nice performances by some show favorites like Jamie Gillis and Samantha Fox.  Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082004/fullcredits Full movie: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1509425509

It's a special episode with our first guest of the year, Reno Dakota! Reno Dakota hated this movie so much that after watching it, she turned into an anti-porn crusader. Also, she tells Randy on mic that he should immediately quit the podcast. All in all, a great episode! Bad movie though. Not enough Buffalo. Not enough bowling. This podcast rejects the term "bimbo" so we can't say whether bimbo levels were adequate or not. Why not see for yourself? JK don't see for yourself. Not an interesting movie.  Cast and crew http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=bimbo+bowlers+from+buffalo/year=1989/bimbo-bowlers-from-buffalo.htm   Full movie: https://tubepornclassic.com/videos/1807/bimbo-bowlers-from-buffalo/

1983's Aerobisex Girls may be in the XRCO Hall of Fame, but we're not sure why. Oh well! Tina Blair is good as Eleyna, the pushy aerobics instructor. And Eleyna's girlfriend, Tina, played by Bridgette Royalle, looks great on roller skates. And, as there are no fellas in this movie, we are pleased to report zero taint shots and zero shots of men donald-ducking. (Donald-ducking is when dudes are nude only from the waist-down. It's a major issue, and this show has been calling it out from day one!)  But overall? Not much here, folks! Cast and crew: http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=aerobisex+girls+1/year=1983/aerobisex-girls-1.htm The movie: https://xhamster.com/videos/aerobisex-girls-1983-lesbian-movie-part-1-823530

In the distant future, some cheap-looking robots are doing their best to teach the last human being about earth by showing her porn movies. It's pretty good! Or maybe it's bad and each one of these movies we watch brings down our standards just a little bit?  Cast and crew: http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=star+virgin/year=1979/star-virgin.htm Full movie: https://xhamster.com/videos/star-virgin-1979-restored-7583362

If you enjoyed other 70s brain-melters like Her Name Was Lisa or The Devil in Miss Jones you may just like 3 A.M.! It's a slow burn, with a dark and moody atmosphere that conveys more dread than horniness. Nice turns from Georgina Spelvin, Judith Hamilton, and Sharon Thorpe. Lots of sweaters and stereos. And incest. Truly an abundance of incest. Sorry! Also: when we lost our sound guy, we kinda had to start over. So sorry for that, too! We're working on it. Give us another year or so and we'll be great at this.

Yes, yes, we know it’s been forever. We’re sorry. We were doing an experiment to see if we could get someone to @ us on twitter with expressions of concern. Also we know the episodes are out of order. You’ll get Episode 22 some other time. And you would’ve gotten 23 earlier but Randy is bad at editing. He hasn’t even give this episode a final safety listen so, uh, fingers crossed! Also, Randy is going to admit here that Monday’s theory about the melon rind is probably correct, even though it’s completely wild and really should have been a pickle. This will make sense once you’ve heard the episode. As for the movie? Babylon Pink? Should’ve called it Babylon Stink. Randy is writing these notes quickly before he rides goes to work. Does anyone read these? No? Maybe Monday? Sorry Monday. (Monday thought this movie was good. Randy still disagrees with this Monday theory.) Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078821/ Full movie: https://xhamster.com/videos/babylon-pink-1979-restored-7798340?pb=

Dixie Ray Hollywood Star is close to enough to a “regular” detective movie that it was recut and released in an R-rated version. Kinda neat! If you trimmed down most of our movies to secure an R-rating, you’d barely have enough left for a short, let alone a full film!   And, like plenty of other examples of detective noir, Dixie Ray only kind of makes sense. This movie is hoping you’re too distracted by all the sex to try to make much sense of the plot. That trick doesn’t work on us, though! More than twenty episodes in, so we barely even notice the sex anymore. It scarcely even registers for us. And that’s really what you want in a critical examination of adult cinema: critics who barely talk about the sex but will spend half an hour talking about a detective’s anachronistic water cooler when we run out of story. You’re welcome! Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085446/ Full movie: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5870ed372d22c

Hurray! We did it! Twenty episodes, and only a little bit, slightly late on our standard, semi-weekly schedule that we’ve been doing since the very beginning and don’t ask any follow-up questions, thank you. Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet is a movie about visitors from a planet populated exclusively  by women, and somehow it still can’t pass the Bechdel test. It’s not good! It’s a little bit Men In Black, a little bit Starship Eros, and a lot uninspired. Spoiler alert: this is not one we recommend rushing out to see. But then, we enjoy watching the occasional bad softcore porn movie to break up the monotony of bad hardcore porn movies. For variety! Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0867259/ Full movie: https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph59b716e194fca

Jerry Martin (Jamie Gillis) has a pretty rough life. Yes, pretty ladies hurl themselves at him, and yes, his main gig as an actor seems to be accompanying actresses to parties. But on the other hand, he doesn’t have that much money. Sad! So his agent, JC, makes him an offer: $100,000 if Jerry can film JC’s sister and JC’s four nieces having sex. JC expects to split his dying brother’s inheritance with his sister and nieces, but his brother is an arch-conservative. JC believes that Jerry’s film will get the rest of his family cut out of the will. Ecstasy Girls is our second movie in a row with a completely meaningless title. We do get to see a cool bondage cage, so that’s fun. And Monday and Randy watched slightly different versions of the movie. Conflict! Intrigue! Plus, hear all about our dildo contest. We have already forgotten what we said about it, so give this ep a listen and remind us, please! Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0125727/ Full movie: https://tubepornclassic.com/videos/146932/the-ecstasy-girls/?utm_source=search

We sure you get a Big Thrill out of hearing Monday and Randy talk about this week’s movie! That’s right--just two of your favorite porn scholars are here this for this episode, but don’t worry! We’ve got you covered. We’re talking about eighties hair, eighties clothes, eighties mustaches, and we even have time for Monday to pitch a porn parody of Sharknado. Please follow @dirtyvhs for updates on our kickstarter for Sharkporndo. (Title still in progress.) Big Thrill is the story of what happens at a hair salon when one of the staff--Peter North’s Manuel is a clear nod to Fawlty Towers--accidentally swaps the sugar in everyone’s coffee for some type of horniness powder. Turns out that the horniness powder makes everyone super horny! And then what happens, do you think? Bet you can’t guess! We hope you like us as a duo, because it’s like a whole different show, kinda! And hey if you do like us, tell us on twitter or itunes or something, yeah? Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0132837/ Full movie: https://xhamster.com/videos/the-big-thrill-1989-requested-7375270

Here it is, folks! A movie so powerful that it may have ended our program! This is not an exaggeration. Trying to make sense of this moody French philosophical treatise on the erotic seems to have broken our spirits. Please let us know if you think we were done in by the cumulative effects of our work, or if something about Spermula simply drove us over the edge. We’re not sure ourselves! Our future is unclear. At present, Randy, Monday, and Doc are meditating in their indoor fern-gardens and undergoing an intensive regime of immodesty training as they contemplate their next move. Spermula is the rare BtBC movie that you cannot find on a respectable website like Pornhub; you have to watch it on (ugh) youtube. We’re sorry. For all of it, really. For everything. Tell your ferns you love them. Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075251/ Full movie: Original with English subtitles, divided into 10 clips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0FF7sfJFqU Highly modified English dub: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC0Ypy-OYwg

This week we go deep into that sexiest of all professions: pizza delivery! Journey back to the year 1978, when pizza was still a novelty food struggling to maintain a toehold in a crowded fast-food landscape.  We also begin tackling the complicated legacy of one of porn's first mega-stars, John C. Holmes.  Holmes led a troubling life offscreen, and it would be wrong of us not to bring that up while discussing his movies. Should also bring up that this movie does discuss rape, though luckily for us, the violence always happens off screen.  Cast and crew: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0127113/ Full film: https://xhamster.com/videos/hot-and-saucy-pizza-girls-1978-8774161