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Birth Mother Matters in Adoption

Author: Birth Mother Matters in Adoption

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Birth Mother Matters in Adoption is Podcast geared for listeners interested in adoption. This podcast focuses on the role of the birth mother in the adoption
43 Episodes
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Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 43: Working in the Adoption Field So often, everyone from family members, friends, clients, strangers or really anyone who catches wind that I work in the adoption field seems to be really curious as to what it is really like to work in the adoption world. My favorite- go-to answer is “It’s the best and worst job you will ever have.”  When an adoption case worker spends a significant amount of time with her birth mother client; often times a relationship on both sides develops.  The adoption caseworker has to maintain appropriate boundaries and be able to disconnect emotionally when decisions have to be made.  There is a fine line where you have to remain professional and yet personable.  In some instances, a case worker can become a significant person in a birth mother’s life; she may have come to the agency alone and the emotional support of a caseworker is imperative to her well being.  A birth mother may be going throw an incredibly difficult time in her life during her adoption journey and she bonds and attaches to her case worker.  In this situation, I have seen where a birth mother has a more difficult time saying “see you later” to the case worker than her newborn.  This is where an aftercare program is crucial to maintain a relationship with the adoption entity and provide the ability for a continued relationship with another avenue rather than becoming pregnant again.  Adoption case workers are human too, and have chosen the social service field for a reason; they too can become attached.  The longer you are in the adoption service field, the more you are able to prepare yourself, maintain boundaries and learn how to make the decisions that are in the best interest of your client, even when it is difficult. Pregnant and intersted in adoption?  Call 623-695-4112.
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 42: Birth Father Roles & Their Impact Many times birth fathers and birth mothers have broken up and are not longer together and without his support; emotional, physical, financial and mental- a birth mother decides adoption is in the best interest of both her and her unborn baby.  The birth mother may have realized that her relationship is incredibly unstable and wants stability and longevity for her child.   Other times, birth mothers may continue to be in a relationship with their unborn baby’s birth father and he is not in support of her adoption plan.  He will argue with her about her plan, and she sticks to her plan and they will break up and get back together and the focus becomes on him rather than her adoption plan.  In her mind, she has made her decision and her knees are locked.  This situation is very difficult on a birth mother and one way to assist her is to build up her support system. Sometimes a birth mother has multiple potential birth fathers.  They may have broken up and gotten back together and they don’t know which one is the actual birth father.  Other times there are situations where all of the birth fathers are very cooperative. Sometimes, in the best case scenarios; the birth father is very supportive of the birth mother, regardless of whether or not they are in a current relationship.  He attends all of the adoption meetings, helps choose the adoptive family, meets with them and develops his own relationship with them.  This situation is so positive for the birth mother, it not only establishes a support structure but gives her further assurance in her adoption choice. Adoption is a beautiful choice and studies have shown us that birth fathers can be a very valuable asset in their support of an adoption plan.
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 41: Abortion Education Part 2 Title X The "rule" requires "financial and physical separation" between facilities or programs that provide any kind of health service using Title X funds and those that provide abortions.  It also prohibits referrals for abortion as a method of “family planning." The rule does state that providers are allowed to give abortion referrals in cases of medical emergencies. We must acknowledge that Title X only takes abortion out of the umbrella of family planning. This so-called "gag" rule leaves Title X facilities that provide abortions as well as other health services in aquandry: Either they stop receiving the Title X Funding  or they stop providing information and services related to abortion.  This rule really just compartmentalizes what the Title X Funding is and what is has been designated for; which broad array of services that fall under the umbrella of family planning: contraceptive services, supplies, and information; breast and cervical cancer screenings; and STD prevention, testing, and treatment.  If you are ready to begin your adoption plan or just want to learn more about adoption- The best thing to do is to call our 24hour/7 day a week phone number at 623-695-4112 or our toll-free number, 1-800-340-9665. We will answer any additional questions you may have and then schedule an appointment with one of our case workers. We can provide transportation to our office located off the I-17 Access Road and Northern, where we can begin assisting you with your adoption plan. Building Arizona Families, AZ Pregnancy Help, The Donna K. Evans Foundation and the #YouBeforeMe Campaign care about adoption and want to spread the word.
Abortion News: The cost of an abortion in the state of Arizona appears to range from $560 to $2500, depending ont he provider, type of abortion and how far along you are in your pregnancy.States are not required to submit abortion data to the CDC, but the overwhelming majority do.The Planned Parenthood annual report, covering the 2017-2018 fiscal year, was published over the weekend of Jan. 19-20.The number of abortions performed by Planned Parenthood rose to 332,757, an increase of over three percent. Adoption referrals dropped by over 25 percent to 2,831. The abortion provider makes one adoption referral for every 117 abortions, according to their own data.37 states require parental involvement in a minor’s decision to have an abortion.Abortion medication to be available at California’s college health centers under new law.  A 2018 study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health estimated that 322 to 519 students at California’s public universities seek medical abortions each month. If you are ready to begin your adoption plan or just want to learn more about adoption- The best thing to do is to call our 24hour/7 day a week phone number at 623-695-4112 or our toll-free number, 1-800-340-9665. We will answer any additional questions you may have and then schedule an appointment with one of our case workers. We can provide transportation to our office located off the I-17 Access Road and Northern, where we can begin assisting you with your adoption plan.  Building Arizona Families is the adoption agency that cares about you and your bab.
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 39: Understanding Their Choice 1 & 2 This is an intimate interview of a birth mother and birth father as they explain why they chose adoption for their unborn baby.  They candidly discuss their lives and life choices that led them to their adoption path.  Their lives are relatable to so many others and listenting to their story will not only answer questions you may have but educate you what life is really like in their shoes.  Dealing with life on the streets to incarceration to drug use to gang involvement is dicusssed openly and honestly.   For privacy purposes, the names of the individuals we interviewed are not listed or mentioned. Here, at Building Arizona Families Adoption Agency, we believe in emotional, financial, mental, and physical assistance for our clients during the adoption process. Our agency is unique in that we have a food pantry and a maternity closet accessible to our clients. We also assist our clients with locating and using state resources that are accessible to them. We understand all aspects of adoption as we have staff members who were adopted, have adopted, and have placed a child for adoption. We understand what it means to need financial help and the emotions that go along with placing a child for adoption you are not alone.  We are here to help you.  (623) 695-4112.  Make the call today.
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 38: Understanding Their Choice Part 2 This podcast is the second half of s an intimate interview of a birth mother and birth father as they explain why they chose adoption for their unborn baby.  They candidly discss their lives and life choices that led them to their adoption path.  Their lives are relatable to so many others and listenting to their story will not only answer questions you may have but educate you what life is really like in their shoes.  Dealing with life on the streets to incarceration to drug use to gang involvement is dicusssed openly and honestly.   For privacy purposes, the names of the individuals we interviewed are not listed or mentioned. Here, at Building Arizona Families Adoption Agency, we believe in emotional, financial, mental, and physical assistance for our clients during the adoption process. Our agency is unique in that we have a food pantry and a maternity closet accessible to our clients. We also assist our clients with locating and using state resources that are accessible to them. We understand all aspects of adoption as we have staff members who were adopted, have adopted, and have placed a child for adoption. We understand what it means to need financial help and the emotions that go along with placing a child for adoption you are not alone.  We are here to help you.  (623) 695-4112.  Make the call today.
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 37: Understanding Their Choice Part 1 This podcast features an intimate interview of a birth mother and birth father as they explain why they chose adoption for their unborn baby.  They candidly dicsuss their lives and life choices that led them to their adoption path.  Their lives are relatable to so many others and listenting to their story will not only answer questions you may have but educate you what life is really like in their shoes.  Dealing with life on the streets to incarceration to drug use to gang involvement is dicusssed openly and honestly.   For privacy purposes, the names of the individuals we interviewed are not listed or mentioned. Here, at Building Arizona Families Adoption Agency, we believe in emotional, financial, mental, and physical assistance for our clients during the adoption process. Our agency is unique in that we have a food pantry and a maternity closet accessible to our clients. We also assist our clients with locating and using state resources that are accessible to them. We understand all aspects of adoption as we have staff members who were adopted, have adopted, and have placed a child for adoption. We understand what it means to need financial help and the emotions that go along with placing a child for adoptiony ou are not alone.  We are here to help you.  (623) 695-4112.  Make the call today.
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 36: The Christmas Podcast For Adoptees: Include your adopted child in family traditionsHelp your child create memorial keepsakesRemember that all families are differentMake your own family advent calendar For Birth Parents:  The first year may be the hardest, as “firsts” usually are.  It can be normal for birthmothers to struggle with their child’s absence over the holidays.  Especially those who have recently placed.  Here are some things that may help: Reach out to your childIf it’s possible, make arrangements in advance to spend time with your child.Send a gift or cardAsk the adoptive parents for a photoKeep a journalConnect with other birthmothersReach out to a counselor  For Adoptive Parents: If you are in the adoption process; wanting & waiting to adopt: Trying not to focus all of your energy on adoptingTaking an adoption “time vacation”Counting your blessings; focus on the positives Get support from other adoptive parents If you have adopted and you have an open adoption with your child’s birth parents: Mail thir birth parents a handmade gift Extend an invitation to participateSchedule a time to Skype or FaceTimeRecord a Holiday MessageEncourage your child to create a special message for their birth parentsPlan a Visit Merry Christmas from us to you, and thank you for listening.  We have some very exciting episodes scheduled and are so grateful for our listeners!
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 35: A Birth Mother's Heart Adoption choices are difficult, there is no other way to explain this.  Choosing to carry a baby for nine months and place that baby with another family may seem unimaginable.  However, to that pregnant woman, she has stories, secrets and dreams that people may not be aware of.  She may not be in the same financial position, in a safe relationship, have family support or even available resources.  She may not have a place to call “home”, know where her next meal is coming from, or have the ability to even seek medical care for herself.  An adoption choice is a deeply personal one and should remain a personal one, it’s an incredibly respectable choice that a woman has had since the biblical times.  A woman who has chosen adoption has chosen life, but is selflessly choosing to allow another to parent.   Grief is not something that only occurs after a baby is placed for adoption, but actually begins the moment an adoption decision is made.  Another misconception is that because a birth mother is experiencing grief she is wavering on her adoption choice.  Grief is very normal and is often a stage in the process of adoption, the birth mother is allowing herself to let go of her own dream to secure a different dream for her child.   The heart of a birth mother is like no other; it’s loving another human enough to put aside her own wants and needs to provide a life for her child.  This birth mother huge heart is selflessly giving the gift of life to another woman, man, family who may not be able to conceive their own child.  A birth mother will always remain a mother to the child she places for adoption, the love she has for her child never dies or is replaced, it just continues to grow.
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 34: Adoptive Parent Hospital Information This episode is specific to Arizona and Building Arizona Families Adoption Agency.  The information contained in this podcast may or may not be applicable to other states and or other adoption agencies. With Building Arizona Families Adoption Agency, we have a designated adoptive family case manager and a designated birth mother case manager.  When you are at the hospital, your case manager will assist you in: Obtaining a nesting room at the hospital if the hospital allows it and has a low occupancy level.They will go over with you again what the birth mother’s hospital plan is and if she has changed any of her requests.If the birth mother wants you in the delivery room, most likely the birth mother case manager will also be in the delivery room.  Most of the time the adoptive mother and (if invited) will stand behind her shoulder.  Important things to know: After delivery, the baby is banded and the birthmother receives a band and the adoptive mother receives a band; as only two are issued in addition to the baby.  In order for there to be “re-banding” it requires two hospital personnel.  After consents the baby is re-banded and both adoptive parents receive a band . The adoptive family needs to have a car seat for discharge.Make sure you have an outfit for the baby to wear homeHave something for the birth mother to carry out of the hospital, so she is not empty-handed: a stuffed animal, flowers, etc...
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 33: Making a Hospital Plan Your hospital plan is basically a  letter to the hospital staff, to the adoptive family, and to your adoption agency. It will detail what you want your hospital stay to look like, including who will be there, how you will give birth, how much time you want with your baby, and which items from the hospital you would like to bring home. By making a hospital plan you can make your desires known and help ensure they are met prior to birth. Many birth mothers worry about how they will feel, how they will be treated, if they will be judged and how they will cope during their hospital time. Some women wonder if they will have time alone with their baby after birth, if they can feed or bond with their baby in the hospital, and whether they want the adoptive parents there in the delivery room. Creating a Hospital Plan with your Adoption Specialist is an exciting time in your adoption journey for both you and your chosen adoptive family.  A Hospital Plan is one part of your adoption plan.  It is developed and distributed to all individuals involved in your adoption plan, so when you go into labor, everyone knows what your wishes are and are accommodated for.  If you go to the hospital and want to change your Hospital Plan, that is fine, the plan is created as a baseline, so everyone involved in your adoption understands how you want your time at the hospital to be spent.
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 32: Adoption Positive Language Here are some reasons why adoption language is important. Educating others: There are a great many negative myths and ideas surrounding adoption. It clouds what can be a beautiful way to become a family in a scary light. Because of stories on the news, and uneducated members of society -that being adopted is shameful and something to be hidden, sometimes there is negativity surrounding the notion of adoption.Protect the pride and mind of the child as well as the families involved. Biological parents are no more “real” than adoptive parents. A biological parent can choose adoption for their child if they cannot provide for emotionally or financially, but they do not “give them away”. To avoid shaming a child. Telling a child “You’re so lucky your parents adopted you” sends a message that can cause shame, misunderstanding and confusion. There is loss involved in an adoption that children cannot easily underdstand. The adoptive parents are the lucky ones in this situation to be able to adopt. If you want to compliment a adoptive family you could say something like “You have a beautiful family."
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 31: Bonding With Your Adopted Newborn Post adoption depression: What is it? Could it happen to you? Mothers frequently feel a loss when baby is born. Postpartum depression is common. Post-adoption depression is equally common, though hardly ever mentioned. Why feel down just when a monumental dream has come true? But after the high of waiting for baby to arrive, a let-down may be inevitable for emotional balance. Relating to an actual baby may also trigger a more-concrete sense of the loss of your fantasy child. Fear that you might lose your new baby if anyone found out how you feel may also cause you to hide your stress, enhancing a sense of isolation. But moods change. The way you feel in moments of high stress is not how you will feel forever. Looking beyond dark feelings to what your baby needs and feels becomes the agenda of attachment. Adoptive parents yearn to build a family while feeling terrified something will go wrong.  Bonding versus attachment: What’s the difference? Bonding can be defined as the attachment that the primary caregiver feels for the infant.  Bonding is about the love, care, and concern that are unique to your relationship with your baby.  Attachment is a two-way reciprocal process between parents and their children. Attachment is an emotional connection that develops between an infant and the primary caregiver. If you are ready to begin your adoption plan or just want to learn more about adoption- The best thing to do is to call our 24hour/7 day a week phone number at 623-695-4112 or our toll-free number, 1-800-340-9665
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 30: Understanding the Adopted Child 1. Understand that “adoption” may be difficult to speak about Children may not always be sure when and if we can speak about adoption, to whom, when, where and how much is okay to talk about.Some adopted children may not want to talk about adoption in front of anyone else. 2. Make sure that your adopted child knows they are adopted- don’t wait! Tell your child when they are younger and as they get older include more details that are age appropriate 3. Understand that separation and death can be a trigger In some aspects, regardless of the age a child is adopted, they may need a higher amount of reassurance than the average child.Adopted children want to feel secure and safe as well as permanency and focus on “forever.”Adopted children may have abandonment issues, even if they were adopted at birth.  4. Adopted children's behaviors should not always be attributed to adoption Children may just get angry sometimes and it has nothing to do with being adoptedSometimes it may be easier to attribute issues to adoption and when am adopted child grows through a behavioral phase, it may or may not have anything to do with being adopted.If an adopted child is sensitive about being adopted and has triggers, make sure you are aware of those triggers and work on preventative measures to avoid them and de-escalate them.  If you are pregnant and are considering adoption, we are a licensed, full-service, non-profit Arizona Adoption Agency.  You can contact us 24/7 at (623) 695-4112.
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 29: Why Do People Adopt? There are many reasons why people choose to adopt..  Whether they choose to adopt domestically, internationally or from the foster system (or an older child who is related to them), prospective adoptive parents recognize that there are many children who don’t have the safe, loving and supportive home environments they need. This is one of many reasons to adopt. Knowing that they can provide the family that this child needs, prospective adoptive parents decide to pursue the adoption process. 95% of people who adopt do so because of issues with fertility.To Avoid Passing Down Genetic Disorders / Diseases To Avoid Pregnancy Complications – Some women are predisposed to having difficult pregnanciesTo Balance Population Growth To become paarentsThey may be a single parent and want to start a familyThey know others who were adopted or have adopted and see it as a positive way to grow a family. So, if you are pregnant and are considering adoption, we are a licensed, full-service, non-profit Arizona Adoption Agency.  We believe in adoption aftercare services and have a program on site to provide continued support through the Donna K. Evans Foundation.  You can contact us 24/7 at (623) 695-4112.  You are not alone and we want to help, thank you for considering adoption!
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 28: Choosing An Adoptive Family Choosing an adoptive family for a birth mother does a few things in addition to moving her along in the adoption process: It makes her adoption decision real, she is looking at books of pictures of real families who are being presented to parent her unborn baby. This can create a myriad of emotionsSome birth mothers try to postpone or delay looking at profiles because it feels “real” at that point.  While others actually find peace after selecting a family because now they can focus on getting to know the adoptive family and know that they are making a wonderful choice for their childIt can make a birth mother re-think her decision on which type of adoption she would prefer; normally this goes from closed to semi-open or open.  When she sees the adoptive families she may see them as non-threatening, non-judgmental and accept that she is making an amazing choice and it will be better for her to be able to see her baby grow upBirth Mothers choose an adoptive family for reasons such as Type of Adoption PreferenceLocation of FamilyOther ChildrenPetsStay at Home Parent vs DaycareReligionLifestyle: Educated / Traveled / HobbiesReason for adopting This is what I see birth mothers do when looking at adoption profiles: Look at the covers of all first and usually wind up picking the first book they pick up. Some read every word, while others skim through.Some  cry while looking at the books.All  love to keep the book after choosing a family so they can create a connection and “study” the book.
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 27: National Adoption Month #NationalAdoptionMonth  National Adoption Day is officially celebrated on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. National Adoption Awareness Month is here! It’s a month-long event to encourage people to learn about adoption, recognize people who have been impacted by adoption, and organize positive adoption-related events.  Facts About National Adoption Day: The awareness color for Adoption is White.National Adoption Day is observed annually on the Saturday before Thanksgiving.To date, the dreams of 75,000 children in foster care have come true as part of National Adoption Day events. A foster child usually has to wait nearly 4 years to be adopted, but more than 20,000 kids age out of the foster care system at age 18 every year without either forever family or permanent home. The aim of National Adoption Day is to provide forever families to as many children as possible. National Adoption Awareness Month is here! It’s a month-long event to encourage people to learn about adoption, recognize people who have been impacted by adoption, and organize positive adoption-related events. There are many ways you and your family can learn and participate this year! Retell Your Child’s Adoption Story to ThemSpread Awareness through Your Social MediaHave a Family Movie Month - Watch Positive Adoption-Related MoviesDonate Time and Money to a Local Organization that Supports AdoptionRead Adoption Related Books with your child If you are ready to begin your adoption plan or just want to learn more about adoption- The best thing to do is to call our 24hour/7 day a week phone number at 623-695-4112 .
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 26: After An Adoption Match Fails How do you move forward after an adoption match fails.  Listen to an adoptive family first-hand how he and his wife moved forward.  Learn how to look part the grief towards the rainbow at the end of your adoption journey, how to restore faith in your adoption choice and how to grieve and move on.  Accept grief for what it is, understand it may be part of your adoption journey and if it is learn what to do to get through this difficult time.  Learn more about the adoption process and how families move forward and what happens after an adoption match fails.  Believe you will end up adopting the baby you were meant to have.  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the expert on grief said,“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” Recommendations: CounselingHealingSupport GroupsRe-EvaluateOpen Heart “Grief never ends… But it changes. It is a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith… It is the price of love.” – author unknown Adoption is always the beginning, never the end. Adoption may not have been your dream, but understand adoption is the dream of another woman who may not be able to conceive. Building Arizona Families Adoption Agency.  www.buildingarizonafamilies.com
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 25:  Support & The Ability to Grieve Services provided for Adoption Aftercare Services Education. Learn about your choice and the road which led you down it.Self-Care: Take care of yourself oin every area.Reading:  A number of good books discuss the birth mother experienceFind specialized counseling. Therapy with other birth mothers. Individual counseling can be a means to address the past, to incorporate the past into the present, and to move into the futureBelief System Know, accept and believe that you are a mother to this childForgiveness.  Know that you did the very best you could in the position you are in, the previous choices you had made and the circumstances surrounding your choice.  Forgiveness of yourself is paramaount,.Acceptance.  Find peace in yourself and in your decision. The Donna K. Evans Foundation is located at www.dkefoundation.com at 8433 N. Black Canyon Highway Building 6, Suite 158, Phoenix, AZ 85021. "Neither society nor the adopter who holds the child in her arms wants to confront the agony of the mother from whose arms that same child was taken." ~Margaret McDonald Lawrence
Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 24:Why More Teens Don't Choose Adoption? Adoption is the least-prevalent option among pregnant teens. Research shows that only 1 to 2 percent of women place their children for adoption, and that the number of teens who place their babies for adoption has declined sharply over recent decades. Teenagers' brains are still maturing and the following are some of the reasons that adoption may not be the ideal choice in their mind: Lack of education on adoption Sex Education – focus on abstinence only and not on what happens when an unplanned pregnancy occursFamily Assistance Parents/grandparents/ helpDelay in responding to the pregnancy, leaving them no time to planPlanet FantasyShort-Term Thinking If you are listening and you are dealing with an unplanned pregnancy and want more information about adoption, we are a local Arizona Adoption Agency, all of the information provided in this blog regarding birth mothers services are offered by our agency as we cannot speak for another agency and what they may or may not offer.  We are available 24/7 by phone or text at (623) 695-4112.  We can make an immediate appointment with you to get started on creating an Arizona Adoption Plan or just give you more information.
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