Bondfinger

Weighing in at 18% on Rotten Tomatoes, our latest pinched loaf of pure Rogertainment is Bullseye!, a 1990 comedy starring Roger Moore and Michael Caine as two petty criminals pursuing a nuclear physicist and his patron, played by Michael Caine and Roger Moore. Hilarity ensues, probably.

A skeleton flies a plane into a Scottish forest, and in that plane Rodge and Tony find a secret formula that will make all fossil fuels obsolete! Soon people are throwing punches, girls and million-dollar contracts at them both, but with the mystery of the skeletal aviator still unsolved, they have no alternative but to wait for the fabulous Nicola Pagett to sort it all out for them.

And we’re back at last — a fresh slab of Rogertainment, with a couple of ripper Aussie sheilas along for the ride. When organised crime boss Robert Verrier’s butler is unexpectedly exploded, he becomes convinced that Simon Templar is the killer. Hilarity ensues, of course, and Simon has no choice but to impersonate the assassin to uncover the real culprit.

This month: New York! With a horribly miscast Roger Moore as Sherlock Holmes and a horribly misjudged John Watson in Patrick Macnee, Sherlock Holmes in New York is the story of a ruddy-cheeked and thoroughgoingly heterosexual consulting detective, his toffy-nosed dimwit sidekick, and their inexplicably beautiful girlfriend (Charlotte Derampling), who all harbour a dark secret, in the form of an appalling American moppet called Scott. Plus, all of the world’s gold has been stolen, or at least shifted to a nearby floor. Which is why, dear listener, it took us two attempts to work up the courage to even watch this.

This month, Steed and Mrs Peel are joined by John Le Mesurier, while we are joined again by Steven B, ably assisting us as we investigate various military bigwigs with improbable facial hair, who appear to be leaking valuable secrets to our enemies. Meanwhile, Diana Rigg’s Spotlight photo is getting one hell of a workout. Which is impossible to object to, really.