Bringing Up Boys Summit

Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin Coulson introduces the Q&A02:02 Q1 Anger management10:52 Q2 Controlling screen time16:51 Q3 Keeping bedroom clean21:18 Q4 Choosing not to drink & identity24:23 Q5 Alcohol standards & split homes30:42 Q6 How to bring up issues without being critical36:06 Q7 8 y/o on screen time36:59 Q8 Overcoming generational trauma42:07 Q9 What to do when lacking strong male role models44:15 Q10 Neurotypical children - learning at school51:26 Q11 Do we share our past mistakes with our kids?53:53 Q12 Sport + the boy code56:11 Q13 What if they don’t want to spend time with you?58:11 Q14 'Fitting in' at school & choosing good friends01:00:36 Q15 How to talk about pornography & masturbation01:11:19 Q16 Brain science in boys & girls01:11:41 Q17 Teenage son feels they don't love him enoughSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When our boys grow up, it hurts. The heartbreaking grief that comes as our sons grow up and don’t need us anymore is not spoken of often enough. At the same time, there is an incredible joy that comes from watching them fall in love and take steps to begin their own life. In this important conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Mia Freedman talk about our boys growing up, how to teach them good principles, and how to let go of them when the time is right.Timestamps 00:18 Dr Justin Coulson introduces Mia Freedman 01:54 What is masculinity to Mia? 04:47 Do boys really believe they aren't as good? 07:00 Misrepresenting feminism 09:25 The biggest issues for boys and parents 13:59 The pool metaphor 19:43 Don't shame them 21:40 Responding to inapproriate behaviour without shame 26:52 Teaching them good principles 31:56 Be the best boy in the room 32:47 Parental grief 39:19 Final message Mia FreedmanMia Freedman is the co-founder and Chief Creative Officer of the Mamamia Women’s Media Company in Australia.Mamamia has an audience of more than six and a half million women every month and is also the largest women’s podcast network in the world, with over 173 million listens and 46 different shows. She is also the founder of Lady Startup. An education-based community supporting female-founded small businesses, helping them launch and grow through online courses, podcasts, and social media.Mamamia’s core purpose as a business is to make the world a better place for women and girls. Before founding Mamamia as a blog in her lounge room in 2007 and becoming one of Australia’s best-known digital entrepreneurs, Mia was a magazine editor, national newspaper columnist, radio presenter, and TV host. She was named one of Australia’s 100 Most Influential Women by the Financial Review and is a former chair of the federal government’s Body Image Advisory Board.She is an ambassador for Rize Up, a charity supporting women and children fleeing domestic violence, and Share The Dignity, which supports women and girls facing poverty and homelessness. Mia is the author of four books including the best-selling Work, Strife, Balance and she hosts two award-winning podcasts, Mamamia Outloud and No Filter, Australia’s leading interview podcast. Mia has three children, two dogs, and runs the Mamamia Women’s Media Company with her husband, Jason Lavigne, who is the CEO.The wheels of her bus fall off regularly.Resources Mia Freedman - website Mamamia See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s easy to convince ourselves they our boys are not the ones participating in sexist jokes or watching pornography with their mates at school, because they have such good manners around us. But perhaps that is not the full truth. In this engaging conversation, Bec Sparrow and Dr Justin Coulson discuss how to help our boys develop their identity and morality, recognize good relationships, and set healthy boundaries with their friends.Timestamps 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Bec Sparrow 01:39 The biggest challenge parents face with boys 05:33 Parental obliviousness to kids’ behaviour  10:43 Conversations about sex 16:24 Boys vs girls friendships 21:26 ‘Ruminating’ 23:48 Red flags  27:04 Green flags 29:38 Personal boundaries 35:27 Consent 40:34 Peer pressure and being a 'simp' 44:56 Male inappropriate bonding 52:01 Developing values and identity 54:48 Belief leads to identity 57:42 3 quick tips 1:00:08 What’s something you wish everyone knew about you? Bec SparrowOver the past 25 years Rebecca Sparrow has earned a living as a travel writer, a television publicist, a marketing executive, a magazine editor, a TV scriptwriter, a radio producer, a newspaper columnist and as an author.She is the author of three best-selling novels The Girl Most Likely, The Year Nick McGowan Came to Stay and Joel and Cat Set The Story Straight (co-authored with Nick Earls).Aside from writing books Rebecca has written for Mamamia, co-hosted two seasons of the award-winning health and happiness podcast The Well with Robin Bailey and played Agony Aunt to teenagers across the country on the Ask Me Anything podcast. She also talks to thousands of school students (and their parents!) every year about friendship, resilience, giving back and how to have a more positive experience online. Rebecca is an ambassador for The Pyjama Foundation and Suncorp’s #TeamGirls initiative. In 2018 she was invited to sit on the Queensland Government’s Anti-Bullying Taskforce.Rebecca lives in Brisbane with her husband Brad, her three kids and two labradoodles (one of whom is INCREDIBLY naughty). ResourcesRebecca Sparrow - websiteSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Many boys are taught from a young age that they must be ‘tough’ and hide their emotions. In this conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Professor Marc Brackett discuss how parents can give their boys ‘permission to feel’ all of their emotions. Marc Brackett also shares with us how to increase our emotional intelligence and become a better emotion coach for our boys.Timestamps 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Marc Brackett 01:29 Establishing the gender of this conversation 02:12 Boys and their emotions 05:19 Expression of emotions is a nurture not nature issue 09:41 How to change the culture? 13:25 Effects of masking emotions 15:22 Willingness to demonstrate empathy 18:05 Nurturing our boys’ emotions 24:05 Permission to feel all emotions 26:40 Theory vs in-practice 29:10 Justin shares an incident - naming your emotions 32:20 Deactivating parental emotions 35:40 Emotion regulation 37:14 Final message Professor Marc BrackettMarc Brackett, Ph.D., is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center, Yale School of Medicine at Yale University. His grant-funded research focuses on the role of emotions in learning, decision making, creativity, relationship quality, wellbeing, performance, and organizational climate; the measurement of emotional intelligence; and the influence of emotional intelligence training on key life outcomes.Marc has published over 150 scholarly articles, received numerous awards, and is featured regularly in popular media outlets such as the New York Times, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, and The Today Show. He also is on the board of directors for the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL).Marc is the lead developer of RULER, a systemic, evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning that has been adopted by over 3,000 public, charter, and independent pre-school through high schools across the United States and in other countries, including Australia, China, England, Italy, Mexico, and Spain. Research shows that RULER boosts academic performance, decreases bullying, enriches classroom climates, reduces teacher stress and burnout, and enhances teacher instructional practices.Marc regularly consults with large companies on best practices for integrating the principles of emotional intelligence into training and product design. He is co-founder of Oji Life Lab, a corporate learning firm that develops innovative digital learning systems for emotional intelligence.Marc speaks to tens of thousands of people each year and has been the keynote speaker at over 500 conferences around the world, including the White House, U.S. Departments of Education, Justice, and Defense, the Surgeon General’s office, the New York Times, Microsoft, Google, Facebook, and Twitter, as well as dozens of education conferences.Marc is the author of Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help our Kids, Ourselves, and our Society Thrive, published by Celadon (Macmillan), which has been translated into 20 languages.Resources Mood Meter App Permission to Feel | Professor Marc Brackett See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ‘man box’ is the set of beliefs that society has defined as what it means to be a ‘real man’. When men try to step outside this, they are pushed back into the box of how they should think and behave. Matt Tyler, passionate about this topic, shares with Dr Justin Coulson in this conversation how to undo ‘toxic masculinity’, gender stereotypes, and break down ‘man box’ behaviour. The astounding life outcome statistics that result from living in the man box will blow you away.Timestamps 00:19 Dr Justin Coulson introduces Matt Tyler 01:11 Matt’s backstory 02:31 The Men’s Project 05:27 The Man Box 13:42 The Man Box in Australia  14:18 Perceived social pressures  16:24 Personal endorsement of man box themes 18:30 Endorsement vs beliefs 21:20 Life outcomes of living in the man box  22:14 Sexually harrassing women 24:50 Physical violence 27:55 Australian boys in the Man Box 29:20 Four adolescent man box sub pillars 29:27 Constant effort and bravado 30:03 Emotional restriction 30:37 Heterosexism 35:43 Social teasing 37:41 Impact on society from the Man Box 42:06 How can parents overcome the Man Box? 49:43 Other concrete strategies Matt TylerJesuit Social ServicesMatt Tyler is the executive director of The Men’s Project at Jesuit Social Services working with a team committed to providing leadership on the reduction of violence and other harmful behaviours prevalent among boys and men. A particularly important part of this work is broadening the definition of what it means to be a man by translating findings from The Men’s Project’s Man Box research into practice.  Matt brings to his role over 10 years of experience across the private, public, academic and community sectors. Prior to joining Jesuit Social Services he worked as a fellow for Harvard’s Government Performance Lab, focused on child protection, and he has also worked on projects related to family violence and mental health. He is trained as an economist with a particular focus on statistics, holding a Master of Public Policy from Harvard’s Kennedy School and Honours in Economics from Monash University. Resources The Men’s Project The Man Box The Man Box and Language Modelling Respect and Equality Program – a case study See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Boys are absolutely capable of emotional vulnerability. But they are often more comfortable opening up within close friendships than without. Here Michelle Mitchell and Dr Justin Coulson dive into the topic of connection and communication with our boys. They also cover emotional expressiveness and handling big emotions.Timestamps 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Michelle Mitchell 01:33 Introduction to the topic 04:00 The hurdles that boys face today 09:12 Emotional expressiveness 10:33 Boys want us to hear their ‘man voice’ 14:03 Balancing kindness and limits 16:23 We talk to boys differently 19:29 We have a lower expectation on boys to behave good 20:27 Emotional and physical outlets  23:23 Be clear on your family values 26:04 Competitiveness in boys and girls 33:28 Big emotions  35:51 Validating statements and empathy 41:04 Parents can be needy 43:25 Responding to boys when they’re riled up 46:33 Setting limits 49:53 Building blocks for better communication 54:41 Boys and puberty 56:54 Final practical tips Michelle MitchellMichelle Mitchell is an award-winning speaker, and bestselling parenting author. She has been termed ‘the teenage expert’ by the media and is sought after for her compassionate and grounded advice for parenting tweens and teens. Michelle started her career as a teacher, but soon discovered a special interest in wellbeing. She left teaching in 2000 and founded Youth Excel, a ‘boutique’ health promotion charity which delivered tailor made life skills programs and psychological services to thousands of young people and their families each year.  Today she uses her experience to write and speak in schools, community events and through media.   Resources Michelle Mitchell - website A Guy's Guide to Puberty | Michelle Mitchell The Everyday Resilience Journal | Michelle Mitchell See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

During adolescence, boys have an innate need to undergo a ‘rite of passage’ in order to prove themselves and become a ‘man’. If we don’t provide this challenge for them, they seek it out themselves. In this conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Dr Arne Rubinstein discuss together the transition from boy to man and the key role that parental respect and acknowledgement plays in boys' growth.Timestamps 00:20 Dr Justin introduces Dr Arne Rubinstein 01:29 Dr Arne’s backstory 06:41 Rites of passage 11:28 Boys to men psychology 14:59 Raising a teenager before they become a teenager 20:13 Dad’s role and single mums 23:03 Rites of passage through time 26:10 Rites of passage now 30:19 Parents need to grow with their boys 33:09 Parental grief  38:01 Adolescent attitude 42:20 Creating your own 'rite of passage' 45:20 Final message Dr. Arne RubinsteinFounder & CEO, The Rites of Passage Institute.Dr. Arne Rubinstein is an internationally recognised expert on Childhood Development and Rites of Passage. His programs have been attended by over 250,000 people in more than 20 countries around the world and are now a part of over 50 schools around Australia.Dr Arne is a medical doctor and specialised first in Family Medicine and then spent 15 years in Emergency Medicine until he moved full time creating Rites of Passage programs for parents and their children.He is the author of the best-seller The Making of Men and has won multiple awards for his work including being nominated in 2008 for Australian of the Year for his groundbreaking work with youth, providing much-needed answers and tools to support a generation of young men and women be happy and motivated about life.Dr Arne is the proud father of two wonderful young men and a mentor to many others.Downloads 7 Strategies To Build Healthy Relationships With Your Sons.pdf How to Parent Teenagers.pdf Resources The Rites of Passage Institute The Rites of Passage Experience The Making of Men | Dr Arne Rubinstein See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Don’t worry alone. That is key. Too often we put on a mask and try to pretend everything is ok because we don’t have the emotional muscle to tell the truth. In this conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Gus Worland discuss suicide prevention, vulnerability, and how to stay mentally fit.Timestamps 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Gus Worland 01:05 Gus’s backstory 06:25 How did Gus get into suicide prevention? 12:35 Dr Justin shares the story of his Uncle  15:53 What protective factors bolster mental health? 20:24 Parents don’t have to know everything 23:28 How to help boys fight the pressure to fit in? 27:57 Parents are too busy 29:30 The masculine expectations on year 10 boys 34:32 ManUp’s influence on Gus’ relationship with his son 37:55 Two key messages from Gus 41:17 Dr Justin’s experience with blowing up Gus WorlandFounder of Gotcha4Life FoundationFamily man. Friend. Sports fan. Founder. Australian radio host and TV personality Gus Worland is the driving force behind mental fitness charity Gotcha4Life.Gus set up the not-for-profit foundation in 2017 to help people develop the emotional muscle, resilience and social connections needed to build mental fitness and prevent suicide.A compassionate bloke, Gus wears his heart on his sleeve.But that heart was shattered the day news arrived that Angus - his friend, mentor and father figure - had taken his life. Angus seemed to have it all – a beautiful family, home, great job, the respect and friendship of many. But he had something else too. Inner worries that were eating away at him. And he never told anyone about it. The stigma around mental health stops too many from reaching out and asking for help when life throws challenges our way.Gus was driven to action. In 2016, he hosted three- part documentary series Man Up, lifting the lid on the relationship between masculinity, social isolation, mental health and suicide.The attention it received created awareness – but Gus knew more was needed. ‘It is time for action- time to draw a line in the sand to engage, educate and empower people about mental fitness.’Gotcha4Life was founded.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Pornography, Sex, Honour, Consent. The big conversations we need to have with our boys. In this discussion with Dr Justin Coulson and Glen Gerreyn, they discuss the importance of making pre-decisions of what kind of man you want to be in each of these areas and the damage that can come from getting it wrong. Timestamps 00:18 Dr Justin introduces Glen Gerreyn 01:34 Glen’s backstory 06:52 Glen’s speaking history and purpose 10:38 Dr Justin’s anecdote with his daughter 12:42 Inappropriate behaviour 14:05 Raising a man of honour | Conversations 16:23 Dr Justin shares a second anecdote 18:12 Raising a man of honour | Role modelling 21:06 Talking about sex and consent 25:50 A uni-focused brain 28:30 Dr Justin's summary of key points 30:22 Consequences of not talking about sex (rape) 32:45 Pornography 38:02 Desensitisation 41:02 A message of hope  Glen GerreynFor the past twelve years Glen has made speaking and writing his career. Collectively he has spoken to over 500,000 people around the world. He works with children and parents, high school students, employees and business leaders, sporting groups and community organisations. In 2012 he received international accreditation as a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP). He's spoken at world famous TEDx events, appeared on the Today Show and Can of Worms, ABC national radio, and written blos for mamamia.com. He's written four books – Gifted for Greatness, Men of Honour, Oxygen 102, Get Your Hopes Up.Glen lives in Sydney's leafy North Shore with his beautiful wife, three daughters and son.Resources The HopeFull Institute Men of Honour | Glen Gerreyn See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Screens are like ice cream! We can’t expect our boys to exhibit perfect self-control around technology, just like we don’t always have perfect self-control around sweets. Therefore as parents, we have a responsibility to set healthy boundaries for them to guide their technology use. In this conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Brad Marshall tackle the big topic of ‘gaming’ and screen usage for boys.Timestamps 00:18 Dr Justin introduces Brad Marshall 02:46 Defining internet addiction and gaming disorder 08:27 When should a parent be worried about screen use? 11:06 The main reason boys are drawn into games 19:25 The parent struggle 21:45 What can parents do? 26:05 Using a collaborative approach 32:02 How much screen time? 38:03 Good content vs bad content 42:12 Scenarios from other parents  44:14 Scenario 1 | Gaming and online gambling 47:09 Scenario 2 | Rules not changing their habits 50:54 Scenario 3 | “They need technology for homework” 57:07 Scenario 4 | Can we expect our boys to self-regulate? 59:48 Key principles   Brad MarshallThe Unplugged Psychologist ~ Psychologist and Director of the Internet Addiction Clinic @ KidspaceI’m Brad Marshall, The Unplugged Psychologist. I’m the Director of the Internet Addiction Clinic @ Kidspace where I have helped hundreds of families struggling with internet, screen and gaming addiction. I provide parents with practical and concrete strategies to manage and maintain their children’s technology diet.Born and raised in Australia, I have been working with children, adolescents and families since 2006. After completing my undergraduate studies at Macquarie University, I accepted a position in the U.S.A. treating children and adolescents experiencing extreme behavioural difficulties. I then returned to Australia to complete my Masters qualification at the University of Sydney, and more recently a Masters of Research and as a PhD Candidate at Macquarie University studying treatment pathways for children suffering from Internet Gaming Disorder. I specialise in treatment of young people experiencing excessive internet use or ‘Internet Addiction’; and related disorders. In my clinic, I routinely help families find a balance between healthy screen time and problematic overuse. My parenting book, ‘The Tech Diet for your Child & Teen; The 7 step plan to regain your kid’s childhood (and your Family’s Sanity)’ has now been published worldwide, by HarperCollins. ‘The Tech Diet for your Child & Teen’ provides real-life strategies that any parent can implement to create a healthy balance and put your kids’ development first. Based on solid psychological research explaining why screen addiction is so powerful, my jargon-free advice gives a clear plan for parents who have had enough and are serious about changing the way their kids use and interact with technology.I am an accomplished and well respected presenter and invited guest speaker, providing professional development to teachers and health professionals, and running seminars for parents, school students and teachers. I also run seminars and workshops in the corporate space, presenting and speaking to staff about the benefits of healthy internet use at home and in the family, and to be productive and balanced when at work. For more information on this or to book a presentation, please get in touch, I have been interviewed for my opinion on a scope of mental health issues across the media; including providing consultation for Channel 7’s Sunday Night Program, Channel 9’s The Today Show, and Channel 9’s A Current Affair. I have also been quoted in and interviewed for a multitude of news and newspaper articles. I am an active member of Network for Internet Investigation and Research Australian.Resources The Unplugged Psychologist Parenting Video Series The Tech Diet for Your Child & Teen | Brad Marshall See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this important conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Paul DIllon discuss what’s actually happening with our boys around alcohol, drugs, vaping and other substances in the schoolyard. They also share ways to bring up the drug and alcohol conversation with our boys so they can learn to make healthy decisions when they are out in the real world.  Timestamps 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Paul Dillon 01:37 Differences in drug use from young men and young women 03:17 Alcohol 18:23 Drugs 27:10 Vaping 32:26 Talking to your kids about it 40:42 Tobacco 44:16 Percentage of young people smoking 46:12 Stimulants  48:56 Notes to parents about drugs 51:55 Paul’s concluding words Paul Dillon Drug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia (DARTA)Paul Dillon has been working in the area of drug education for more than 25 years. Through his own business, Drug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia (DARTA) he has been contracted by many organisations to give regular updates on current drug trends. He continues to work with many school communities across the country to ensure that they have access to good quality information and best practice drug education. With a broad knowledge of a range of content areas, Paul regularly appears in the media and is regarded as a key social commentator, with interviews on television programs such as Sunrise, TODAY and The Project. ResourcesDARTASee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As parents we have a tendency to only talk about risk and danger when it comes to sex. Instead, if we change this focus to responsibility and joy, our boys will view sex differently, their partners differently, and make safer, healthier, and wiser choices. In this conversation with Dr Justin Coulson and Peggy Orenstein, they discuss where challenging male sexual behaviour come from and how to give your boys a healthier understanding of both the physical and emotional aspects of sexual intercourse. Timestamps 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Peggy Orenstein 01:42 Where do challenging sexual behaviours come from? 03:50 What is it like for boys growing up? 08:57 Why does ‘masculinity’ impact on boys’ sexuality? 10:43 The disconnect in boys’ behaviour at home and outside - assault and consent 15:21 Expectations put on boys 16:46 Vulnerability and ‘The Hook-Up Culture’ 19:23 Tips for parents for a conversation about ‘good sex’ 24:06 Pornography 26:46 Talking to your kids about Pornography 33:37 Consent  38:14 How to teach consent?  44:16 Summary of key points so far from Dr Justin 45:50 Gay boys are a model of consent 49:04 Central take-home messages 51:53 Last message of hope from Peggy  Peggy OrensteinPeggy Orenstein is an internationally-recognized speaker and author of, among others, the New York Times best-sellers Boys & Sex, Girls & Sex,  Cinderella Ate My Daughter and the classic SchoolGirls. A contributing writer for  The New York Times Magazine, Peggy has also written for such publications as  The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, New York, The Atlantic and The New Yorker. She has been a featured expert on television and radio programs throughout the world. Her TED Talk, “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure,” has been viewed over 5.6 million times.Digital Resources Chanel Contos - the consent petition Peggy's website Resources for positive sexuality Talking to younger kids about sex BooksBoys and Sex | Peggy Orenstein | Available in Australia | Available in AmericaGirls and Sex | Peggy Orenstein | Available in Australia | Available in AmericaCinderella Ate My Daughter | Peggy Orenstein | Available in Australia | Available in AmericaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr Justin discusses how we can raise strong, caring boys in the current climate. He’ll explain why it’s vital that our boys know who they are and that they matter, as well as share practical ways you can teach your son empathy and to respectfully say and hear “no”.Timestamps00:19 Dr Justin introduces his topic02:15 Culture & the messages we send boys05:57 Dr Justin’s schoolyard anecdote08:12 The lowest acceptable behaviour 13:13 'Don't be a simp'16:42 We have a cultural problem22:50 You can set the masculinity culture in your family 25:13 The boy crisis 26:43 #1 Teach them who they are | Identity27:48 Example 1 | Dr Justin’s brother30:49 Example 2 | Saying no to drugs story34:08 How to teach them who they are 40:13 #2 Teach them they matter44:42 #3 Teach them to believe in themselves48:49 Listener question - split families50:06 #4 Teach them to say ‘no’ respectfully52:57 #5 Teach them to hear ‘no’ respectfully54:45 #6 Teach them empathy55:13 #7 Teach them about life, the universe… and everything!56:14 Summary of the summit Dr Justin CoulsonDr Justin Coulson is the co-host and parenting expert on Channel 9's "Parental Guidance", the founder of happyfamiles.com.au, and one of Australia’s most trusted parenting experts.Over the past decade he has helped innumerable families with his 6 books about raising children, his hundreds of media appearances (including all of Australia’s major news outlets, and even the Washington Post and the New York Times), and two viral videos that have been viewed a combined 80 million times!Justin earned his PhD in Psychology from the University of Wollongong. He and his wife Kylie have been married since the late 1990’s and are the parents of 6 daughters .  ResourcesDo You Know scale by Marshall DukeSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the Bringing Up Boys SummitWe're confident that as you participate in this summit, you won’t just find solutions to help your son through friendship breakdowns, the lure of drugs, anxiety and other mental health issues, or even the life-changing process of puberty. You’ll find ways to rekindle the connection you both want… and both need.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.