But First Me

OK we've think we've finally got our title sorted....! Find out what we're going to be diving into this season! Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠

Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠ Like the title of the Sinead O’Connor album - how can we all practice “I do not want what I have not got”? This week’s podcast covers how comparison is truly the thief of joy. Anirban sharing why he feels JEALOUS. He rides the waves of online lows and screen time highs in the age of ENVY. Where does green with envy come from? How is feeling jealous different than feeling envy? MaryEllen feels envious Anirban’s dad’s birthday celebrations now her own has died. Showing how grief ambushes can surprise us at any time. We share our stories about comparison on socials in our crazy over-connected, over-sharing, 24/7 attention economy. We discuss how accepting these feelings can help us to grow, and take action to change, rather than lead us to feeling guilty about partaking in one of seven deadly sins! The antidote to envy is what? Of course with all the usual Bengali flavour and Irish Gaeilge wise words

Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠ We cross-examine feeling cross about not putting our own happiness first. Anirban talks about how he was taught not to make a fuss, even if he feels vexed about racial injustice. He practices quietize meditation to cope better and connect to his purpose. He shares how learning this life skill has been a lifesaver in combating his parenting stress. A valuable use of our screen time has been watching the excellent Pixar film Inside Out. Like their Anger character, we are often ablaze with relationship and family stress. We also share our lived experiences when others have crossed our boundaries. Mary Ellen questions whether hyper-aggressive male chefs Carmy & Ritchie in the TV show The Bear are a healthy representation of anger or just a bad habit. She coaches on how we can ACE our anger to combat the irritations of unequal emotional labour at work and at home and our feelings of resentment. RESOURCES We believe in your emotional potential so we're sharing our FREE Feelings Cheat Sheet on hapits.com and on our Instagram hapits_com. We can all have better relationships and more purpose if we practice embracing ALL feelings. If we FEEL IT TO REVEAL IT, emotional flexibility can become one of our happiness habits. We strongly encourage you to try out the happiness habit of labeling and journaling your feelings. Please do let us know how you get on; we'd love to hear from you. Just email us at here@futrnow.org. You can also purchase our Hapits® Online Course, which includes our coaching cards used throughout this podcast; https://hapits.com/buy_hapits/ BOOKS etc. Emotional Rollercoaster by Claudia Hammond. Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown Fix The System: Not The Women by Laura Bates CORRECTION: Psychologist Sandi Mann found that employees reported hiding their true feelings and faking emotions in about 60% of workplace communications.

Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠ Anirban confesses he didn't realize there is a gender difference with expressing feelings of anger. He changes his view as he discovers how women are often silenced in his own Indian community, including his Bengali mum. Ironically, his parenting stress is reduced as he learns his tween daughter used anger to stand up to sexual harassment at school. Mary Ellen recounts stories of everyday sexism at home and at work in 1990s Ireland and in London before Me Too. She shares how many women have a bad habit of not expressing their anger, which reduces their happiness, including herself. She explores why 'Mum's the word' is toxic and may lead to serious illness. She believes it did with her own mother. Mary Ellen coaches on what to do when we feel powerless within the patriarchal systems of our workplace and our homes. She shares her lived experience of using Quietize meditation as the antidote to her rage and her feelings of frustration about the stereotype of the feisty Irish woman. In short, it’s been a game changer for her. RESOURCES We believe in your emotional potential so we're sharing our FREE Feelings Cheat Sheet on hapits.com and on our Instagram hapits_com. We can all have better relationships and more purpose if we practice embracing ALL feelings. If we FEEL IT TO REVEAL IT, emotional flexibility can become one of our happiness habits. We strongly encourage you to try out the happiness habit of labeling and journaling your feelings. Please do let us know how you get on; we'd love to hear from you. Just email us at here@futrnow.org. You can also purchase our Hapits® Online Course, which includes our coaching cards used throughout this podcast; https://hapits.com/buy_hapits/ BOOKS etc. Hysterical: Exploding the Myth of Gendered Emotions by Pragya Agarwal. Raising Girls in the 21st Century: Helping Our Girls to Grow Up Wise, Strong and Free by Steve Biddulph. Atlas of the Heart by Brène Brown Everyday Sexism by Laura Bates What About Men? by Caitlin Moran TV and film references: - Thelma and Lousie - Promising Young Woman - I May Destroy You. TED talks: Ted talk by Soraya Chemaly. The power of women’s anger Ted talk by Deepa Narayan. 7 beliefs that silence women and how to unlearn them Other mentions: Soma Sara founder of Everyone's Invited. Michael Conroy founder of Men At Work. Nuala MGovern presenter on BBC Women's Hour.

Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠ Anirban is feeling proud of his parenting life skills and also unpacks how Indian pride in appearance relates to immigrant assimilation in the UK. We discuss how positive emotions help us strengthen our brains' neural pathways, reducing our stress and fostering more connections to improve our relationships and creativity in the workplace. Mary Ellen gives her coaching guidance on how we can feel pride in small things; you don't have to be a gold medalist or CEO. She also shares her lived experience of Gay Pride, as well as its history. And she earns a Mancunian 'chufty badge'! RESOURCES We believe in your emotional potential so we're sharing our FREE Feelings Cheat Sheet on hapits.com and on our Instagram hapits_com. We can all have better relationships and more purpose if we practice embracing ALL feelings. If we FEEL IT TO REVEAL IT, emotional flexibility can become one of our happiness habits. We strongly encourage you to try out the happiness habit of labeling and journaling your feelings. Please do let us know how you get on; we'd love to hear from you. Just email us at here@futrnow.org. You can also purchase our Hapits® Online Course, which includes our coaching cards used throughout this podcast; https://hapits.com/buy_hapits/ BOOKS etc. Atlas of the Heart by Brène Brown Listen To The Land Speak by Manchán Magan

Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠ Anirban confesses how his bad habit of perfectionism can really stress him out. He talks about how this impacts his relationships within his own Indian community and his parenting. Mary Ellen coaches us on how lack of self-awareness and too much screen time often leads to a cycle of stress with negative feelings. We tune out and turn away fron tricky feelings instead of trying to learn this key life skill. RESOURCES We believe in your emotional potential so we're sharing our FREE Feelings Cheat Sheet on hapits.com and on our Instagram hapits_com. We can all have better relationships and more purpose if we practice embracing ALL feelings. If we FEEL IT TO REVEAL IT, emotional flexibility can become one of our happiness habits. We strongly encourage you to try out the happiness habit of labeling and journaling your feelings. Please do let us know how you get on; we'd love to hear from you. Just email us at here@futrnow.org. You can also purchase our Hapits® Online Course, which includes our coaching cards used throughout this podcast; https://hapits.com/buy_hapits/ BOOKS etc. Atlas of the Heart by Brène Brown Feelings Magnets from Manuela Bolton Fix The System: Not The Women by Laura Bates Listen To The Land Speak by Manchán Magan

Anirban spills the beans on his battle with perfectionism within his Indian community. And we discuss how NOT to get lost in the pursuit of achieving the unachievable. (*Kiss my ass in irish) --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/shemor/message

Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠ MaryEllen grieves openly for her dead parents. Anirban finds purpose in his feelings of LOSS. Anirban talks about finding his purpose after learning to cope with the deaths of two friends. He explores how his Bengali culture embraces grieving and how the stress of these losses led him to follow the path of his Indian ancestors to train in Vedic meditation. We dissect the bad habit of pretending, whether at work or in the street, that we don't feel yearning and longing after a bereavement or a bad breakup. We talk about how Irish culture embraces the storytelling element of loss and how it has healed Mary Ellen. She shares her vulnerability, her tears and the self-growth she has experienced through journaling and mediating since both her parents have died. Mary Ellen coaches us on how it's a happiness habit to sit with uncomfortable feelings like grief. She explores our daily occurrences of loss and how we can reduce our stress if we permit ourselves to feel loss regularly. She highlights how loss occurs often in many ways, big and small and not just when a loved one dies. It includes divorce, job loss and redundancy. She embraces loss as normal and not something we can avoid. She guides us to see it’s human to yearn for what we don't have. RESOURCES We believe in your emotional potential so we're sharing our FREE Feelings Cheat Sheet on hapits.com and on our Instagram hapits_com. We can all have better relationships and more purpose if we practice embracing ALL feelings. If we FEEL IT TO REVEAL IT, emotional flexibility can become one of our happiness habits. We strongly encourage you to try out the happiness habit of labeling and journaling your feelings. Please do let us know how you get on; we'd love to hear from you. Just email us at here@futrnow.org. You can also purchase our Hapits® Online Course, which includes our coaching cards used throughout this podcast; https://hapits.com/buy_hapits/ BOOK etc. Grieving Mindfully by Sameet Kumar. Atlas of the Heart by Brène Brown

Grab our FREE resources from this link https://www.maryellensaha.com/free This week we explore the feeling of serenity.

Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠ Whatever sparks joy is easy to do! Sitting in silence can be joyful. Can you create a Myfi zone? How meditation can be like running, if you enjoy the feeling of your body as it runs. Let go of end results and idea of meditation as a chore or another thing to do. Simple silence can feel so great, if we let go of destination of what we get out of it or what we achieve There is a lot of active doing even in popular meditation apps. Can we take the app out of happiness? Ancient Irish wisdom and sitting in silence - where the name Quietize Mór meditation comes from. Most of us are tired and busy cause we’re doing mode yet quietize can improve your sleep and is as effective as a nap. How do you feel after you sit in silence? Experience it and check in. The myth of complete silence, sitting upright and other meditation BS. Quietize Meditation can be done anywhere anytime, yes even on the London tube! Sweetness of quiet time, so delicious you’ll want to sticky sweet repeat it! Within busy family life do you help your significant other to carve out silent time? How can you do that? The Song of Amergin, from ancient Irish culture and how those soothing Irish sounds help us connect to our inner creativity. BOOK etc. Thirty Two Words For A Field by Manchán Magan Bliss More by Light Watkins

Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠ Joy Part 1: This week’s podcast covers how the feeling of joy comes in many shapes and sizes as well as many types of pizza slices! Bliss can come from brown bread fresh from the oven or a drum beat, guitar lick or jazz notes. We chat about our mother tongues and how joy is often associated with childhood pleasures and memories.  Parenting joy or parenting grind? How Anirban has become a more emotionally intelligent parent.  Present moment awareness is where joy truly lives. We access joy via our our five senses; through smells, tastes, sounds, tastes and of course sights.  Are you aware of your fleeting moments of bliss with others or with nature?  Joy allows us to connect the dots creatively and relationally. How positive emotions can lift us up, to feel SO BRILLIANT. Joy and the flow state are connected (see previous podcast on pride for flow state info). Joy also is a motivator and increases our self-confidence. Activism and protesting can be pleasureful and blissful. Joy can be found in minimalism and tidying and organising. Mary Ellen has been dopamine dressing since 1990, or even before with her mum’s clothes, which brings her daily joy. Try a mindful moment with your favourite CUPPA or a teddy shower with your kids!  Resources: Soul film by Pixar Disney  Song of The Sea (in Irish Amhrán na Mara) 2014 by Cartoon Saloon by Tomm Moore  Amelie 2001 French film  Motherland TV series written by Sharon Horgan BBC  Redefining Feminism - Masterclass with Gloria Steinem et al.  Mad Men HBO series - Don Draper lead character  Feeling Myself by Nicki Minaj featuring Beyoncé  Less is Now by The Minimalists on Netflix  Books: Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown  Tree Dogs, Banshee Fingers and other Irish words for Nature by Manchán Magan Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Jon Kabat Zinn  Emotion Coaching by John and Julie Gottman  Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Marie Brown  Spark Joy by Marie Kondo

Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠ Anirban talks about how learning to do a flick grab on his Asda skateboard built his resilience. Hope is actually developed through discomfort and adversity. Being part of the Happy Place festival in Chiswick House with Fearn Cotton has increased our personal hopefulness. Positive emotions expand our minds, in turn, increasing our sense of connectedness to our community both online and in West London. Hope is a way of thinking, anyone can learn to be optimistic. Mary Ellen simplifies the 3P’s of the pessimistic perspective using 3 delicious donut puns, so you can understand and use it, without your eyes glazing over! Her sweet puns to dispute your bad habits of thinking are: 1. Donut be so hard on yourself 2. Donut fear the future. 3. Keep your eye on the donut not on the hole!  Hope is also a character strength. Is it in your top 10? See link below for Strengths Survey for both adults & kids, it takes 10 minutes.   Anirban feels hopeful that men CAN be more emotionally flexible, and that happiness and wellbeing doesn’t need to be for women only. Remember Brim Full of Asha, the 90’s indie hit or dancing to the Norman Cook remix? Mary learns that title has nothing to do with ashtrays or spliffs!   Embedded in the immigrant story is hope, Anirban recalls his parents coming to UK in 1972 from Kolkata for a better life. Mary Ellen wonders if optimism is in her Irish blood. Her ancestors set sail over many generations to many destinations. Most known is the exodus of one million people from Ireland during An Gorta Mór (famine). BOOK references: Atlas of the Heart by Brène Brown Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman Fall Off, Get Back On, Keep Going by Clare Balding  ⁠ Films  Milk 2008 The Shawshank Redemption 1994

Since the SH1T has hit the fan for many of us in midlife, our communities, and our planet, we propose a solution called SHE MÓR.  After being on the front lines of this emotional health crisis with our coaching clients and personally as parents and human beings thriving in this crazy world, our solution is a roadmap for men to feel more, fail more, and flourish with female energy. Because the superhighway we are currently all on, whether we like it or not, is a male construct - fuelled by profit, productivity, presuming, perfectionism, and poor health. As Laura Bates has wrote about in her book, 'Fix the system, not the women.' We are living in a loneliness epidemic. According to the Marmalade charity, 85% of UK adults felt lonely last year. By listening to this podcast, you're not just making a decision to learn some life skills and cool stuff; you're embracing a powerful philosophy. When you choose SHE MÓR, you access the greatness within you that extends far beyond fleeting social media validation, which too often defines us.  As Manchan Magan said, 'The time for female energy has come... we ignore it at our peril.'  Mary Ellen is Irish, and so it's part of the title of this podcast, MÓR, the Irish word for 'great.' Some of you might be familiar with this from An Gorta Mor - the Great Hunger, which is the Irish name for the famines of 1847, 48, and 1849. But today we are talking about a different type of starvation - an emotional one. We are so, so hungry for connection.  MÓR is also Irish for BIG and with the information in this podcast, you will INCREASE your relationship depth by being more real, and bigger in the heart. It's time to embrace our female energy, our feelings. Often, male clients tell us they wish they could open up and express their feelings to family and friends, but they feel they must be the “big man’. It's time to let go of that macho stuff. Men need to be more emotionally flexible for their selves, their family, and their work. As the world changes at breakneck speed, we all need to be more authentic and balanced because if we don't, we will break. Burnout is real. Male suicide is real. We can prevent future breakdown if we priritize our emotional health each day.  It's time for men redress the balance, to bend, and to change. Because we all know that vulnerability is what leads to real intimacy, real connection, real friendships, and real relationships. And that's what we are all hungry and thirsty for!  Please join us. Together, let's learn how to cope better and feel more. It's time for all of us to embrace our inner SHE. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/shemor/message

All the feels are here even if you think that emotions ain’t your cuppa coffee or cupán tae (tea). Fellas good news! You can lead the emotional revolution! We’ve started this podcast to give ALL men and women permission to share their feelings and connect with each other honestly. Because we believe expressing emotions can become as habitual as brushing your teeth. We are what we repeatedly do. With practice, emotional flexibility can become one of your Hapits (happiness habits). This podcast is like an emotional encyclopaedia. Each week, we'll cover a different emotion, defining it and explaining its purpose for our emotional health. But it's not academic or inaccessible. It's firmly rooted in stories of our own mad, messy, mildly funny, mid-life experiences as immigrants, parents, founders, creatives and flawed humans. Learn and laugh with us as we increase our own emotional flexibility to help us cope better with all the mid-life SH1T that's hit the fan for us! To help you out, we have a put our Feelings ⁠Cheat Sheet on our website⁠⁠ & Instagram. Research shows most people can only name 3 feelings -glad, sad and mad when they feel them. So it seems we could all do with expanding our emotional IQ. Let's learn togther. Life’s too short to bottle it up, drink away your feelings or distract yourself with socials. Emotional flexibility is absolutely crucial for happiness for both men and women. Being vulnerable is where the magic happens for both men and women. True connections are forged in those moments of fragility and realness. You know this is true. She Mór is here to help MEN (and women) feel more, fail more, and flourish. Let’s change the script to change our broken systems. Together we can learn the language of emotions EVERY FRIDAY. Follow and join us to become the emotional rockstar you were meant to be. MOTHER TONGUE: 'Tiocfaidh ár grá' as Mary Ellen says. Yes, that's as Gaeilge, Irish for "our love will come,". And with practice it will. Mary Ellen & Anirban also also share Bengali and Irish words for each emotion each week. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to expressing feelings. It's interesting to hear ‘feeling words’ and proverbs from other cultures, as emotions are expressed differently (or repressed) within different communities and countries. Most often if we repress our feelings our native tongue can trigger us to release it. The power of words! Mary Ellen moved to London 20 years ago from Ireland and has recently found that the more she connects with her mother tongue, Irish the better she feels, especially since both her parents have died. Anirban grew up bilingual in Manchester. He's on a mission not to break the bamboo ceiling but to become emotionally evolved AF! HAPITS: Together, they co-founded and created Hapits.com. See founders page for info on them both Hapits.com --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/shemor/message

In today’s podcast we discuss how taking a ‘PAUSE’ or five minutes to rest every day can have positive benefits for your mental well being. We talk about how at times we all subscribe to being busy and how in today’s culture many even aspire to it and think of it as a badge of honour. However research shows that taking a rest or a pause in our 24/7 lives has huge benefits. We also talk about the brain’s default mode network, the benefits of mind meandering or day dreaming, the difference between resting and meditation and how rest can be a bridge to a meditation practice, especially if you find it challenging to meditate. The book we talk about in the podcast is "The Art of Rest: How to find respite in the modern world" by Claudia Hammond. Email us here@futrnow.org and visit us at https://futrnow.org/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/shemor/message

When each day dawns you have the choice whether it’s gonna be a crap day or a great day. Today's podcast we discuss how to create healthy wellbeing habits including a silent five minute PAUSE and how NOT to wake up with your phone everyday. MaryEllen and Anirban share their top tips and personal experiences on detaching themselves from their mobile devices. Tune in and try out these two deceptively simple habits which can gave a big impact on your mental wellbeing. Please share any comments or feedback with us. We'd love to hear from you and how you are getting on with your new habits.  The book we mentioned in the podcast is "Better Than Before" by Gretchen Rubin. Email us here@futrnow.org and visit us at https://futrnow.org/  --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/shemor/message

Introducing MaryEllen and Anirban Saha from FUTR now as they share their ways how NOT to have a crap day by using their unique PAUSE and PLAY method! Mental "Well being" and all the other hashtags are all the rage thesedays, we've even spotted banks getting in on the aciton with "money wellbeing"! We feel that mental health is more important than just a hashtag. If you're wondering what our podcast is all about, have a quick listen and let us know what you think by leaving a comment or review :) Email us here@futrnow.org and visit us at https://futrnow.org/ --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/shemor/message

 Introducing MaryEllen and Anirban Saha from FUTR now as share their ways how NOT to have a crap day by using their unique PAUSE and PLAY method!  Mental "Well being" and all the other hashtags are all the rage thesedays, we've even spotted banks getting in on the aciton with "money wellbeing"! We feel that mental health is more important than just a hashtag. If you're wondering what our podcast is all about, have a quick listen and let us know what you think by leaving a comment or review :)

Per the Puffin teaches us how to fish out out positive feeling s 🐠

Kree the Kakapo bird teaches us to shake off our should mud.