Calm & Confident with Trina Gray

In this episode, I shared three simple ways to calm down when your thoughts are running wild in your head in the middle of the day, or the middle of the night. Our day is made up of our thoughts. When we choose better thoughts, we choose a better day for ourselves. However, many things want to take us off track — headlines, social media feeds, other people's words and actions, or everyday life challenges. How can you take back control of your thoughts, and redirect your energy? How can you shut down intrusive thoughts and find a place of calm? How can you let things roll off your back? How can you focus on what matters most? Give this episode a listen and let's find calm together.  "I remind myself that I trust myself. I love that concept. I trust myself that even if I struggle, I will figure it out. Even if I make what turns out to be the wrong choice, the bad choice, the wrong hire, the wrong decision, I'll fix it." - Trina Key points: Try out the 4-7-8 breathing technique when you need to immediately snap yourself out of a stressful situation, or a repeating, intrusive thought, or when you're struggling to focus or sleep. It's rooted in ancient yoga and it works.  Find a mantra that speaks to you in your phrase of life right now. Whether you need to find motivation, process grief or get through a challenging time, there is a quote or mantra out there to help you. Find one and repeat it to yourself when you are spiraling with your thoughts.  You can find more calm and show up with more energy, when the past 72 hours or your life have been made up of healthy habits. Your past three days of sleep, nutrition and fitness really impact how you feel right now.  Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I shared a method that I learned more than a decade ago from my mentor Todd Durkin, for "color coding" your life. I have tweaked it and adapted it over the years to fit my life as a working mom. This can work for you as a college student, working professional, or retiree. Take my tips, tricks and examples and make this your own.  This system is an easy way to create more harmony in your life by ensuring that all four colors are represented in your month. In order to be responsible adults, we need "red tape" time to handle the logistics of life and our households, we also need "green machine" time to be productive in our work or career. In order not to burnout, we need "mellow yellow" time to relax, unwind and spend quality time with loved ones. Last, but not least, we need "blue sky time" in order to dream about our future. This is time to brainstorm, visualize, listen, or think, but not do.   "When you run your own day, you run your own life....I was busy this week. I was running. But what did I do? I don't want you to get to the end of your week feeling depleted, deflated, running rampant. I want you and I want myself to get to the end of the week feeling productive, feeling rejuvenated, even feeling successful." - Trina   Key points: Red Tape: logistics  Health care appointments, book travel, pay bills, organize kids' schedules, vet appt, car care, household chores, prep for a holiday, plan a family event, Green Machine: work (or school or pursuit)  Examples: work tasks, goals, deadlines, initiatives, projects, write, create, manage, lead, produce Mellow Yellow: down time, personal time  Examples: Hike, workout, date night, coffee with friend, read a book, watching a sporting event, dinner and a movie  Blue sky: dreaming, not doing  Examples: Listen to a podcast, journal, make a vision dream board, talk to significant about future goals, meditate, dream about the future  Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I talked you through five tips or strategies for dealing with hateful words or rude people. It's not glorious, but it's a real part of life and one that I want to help you handle better. If you've been on the receiving end of rude comments, or personal attacks, this is for you. If you've had people launch mean words at your workplace, your organization, your leadership or you as a person, this is for you. I hope this helps you feel empowered. Haters are trying to hurt with their words. It often comes from a place of hurt. Instead of trying to figure them out, use these tips to decide your best action. This episode is about you, not them.  "Life is good, life is hard, life is great, life is ugly. It is both the goal is to move through the struggle faster, not to sit in it, not to dwell in it, not to become it." - Trina Key points: First consider, what is the energy cost of getting involved in addressing the issue?  Be proactive, not reactive. Your first reaction isn't your best reaction.  Let people be wrong about you. Can you learn to live with people having the wrong idea about  you or your organization? Is it worth it to fight it? Will it change anything?  Learn to communicate as your higher self. Don't communicate as a bully; don't shrink yourself and become silent. Instead, communicate as your most calm, confident self. Speak with candor, speak with clarity. Put the truth out and let people who want to hear it, hear it.  Know that you are deserving of hard feelings, but do those feelings serve you.  Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I talked you through an eye-opening journaling exercise that can truly help you thrive in life. I shared the experiences of hosting a local Calm & Confident Fall Retreat for 20 women and this part of the weekend was one of the most impactful. I had the women write and share on when they are thriving in life. I'm asking you to consider that question – what is the state of your health, your relationships, your energy, your career, your friendships when you are most thriving in life? Have you noticed, or can you start to pay attention? Even if you are in a state of struggle or transition, be open to thriving through those seasons, rather than wait for the stars to align.    "What does that trust look like in your life? Is that trust in your faith? Is that trust in yourself? Is that trust in the people closest to you, or maybe all of the above, is that trust in your future? Is that trust in your abilities, some level of trust, I believe is required in order to be thriving in life, because we feel safe, we feel secure, we feel competent, we feel strong. I want you to think about that. What does that look like in your life?" - Trina Key points: Trust Is Foundational: Trust in oneself, others, and the future is essential for truly thriving in life, as it brings safety, security, competence, and strength. Thriving Looks Different for Everyone: The retreat participants discovered that their sense of thriving could stem from task completion, the happiness of loved ones, or prioritizing personal wellness. External vs. Internal Thriving: Linking your sense of thriving solely to external achievements or others' happiness can be limiting; true thriving is cultivated from within, independent of perfect circumstances. Thriving Through Challenges: Rather than waiting for everything to be settled, the idea of "thriving through" difficulties encourages agency, resilience, and personal growth even during setbacks. Self-Reflection Promotes Growth: Regularly reflecting on your health, work clarity, relationships, and level of trust enables you to identify what helps you thrive and empowers you to bring your best energy to all aspects of life. Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I shared ten ways to let go of unnecessary stress in order to live a more calm and fulfilling life — a life with less weight on your mind and unease in your gut. I distinguish between the kind of stress that drives productivity from the kind of stress that feels like dread. Know the difference and go through my checklist of ten common stressors to see where you could make a change. One small change can yield incredible results in your daily inner peace. "When you neglect your ability to plug yourself back in, to get a good night's sleep, to unplug from technology, to set down the weight of the world, to just pour into yourself, whatever that means for you, if that's relaxing with a book, if that's a workout, if it's going for a walk, if it's a conversation with a friend or a loved one, if it's cooking a great meal, whatever it is for you, what can you do to make sure that you are resting and recharging? It's as important as the action and the proactive steps you're taking in your life to do great things." - Trina   Key points: We draw unnecessary stress from many places in life. Identify what your triggers are so you can address them or remove them.  From unrealistic deadlines, to the scale, to perfectionism, there are ways to ditch the stress without guilt.  The goal is not to remove all responsibility from your life, and to let the world pass by while you sit and watch "stress-free." The goal is to contribute and show up as your best self every day. You can't do that under a blanket of stress.    Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I shared one of my takeaways from a recent Ultra Mastermind retreat, hosted by Brendon Bruchard, a high performance speaker and best-selling author. He talked about how frustration can lead to burnout or bitterness. I took this topic and ran with it, applying it to work, family, and personal life. I shared examples of how it shows up in my life and yours. I talked about who we become when we are frustrated, and how we don't want to stay in that negative, disempowering energy. Our frustrated self is not our best self. I shared three ways of releasing frustration that can help you feel better faster. "What frustrates you? Can you identify it? Can you think about it, and can you start to deflate it? Because even just identifying it and recognizing it takes some of the power away from it that doesn't creep up on you and surprise you that you actually know that that's something that frustrates you and that you want to get better at it." - Trina Key points: Frustration is a common experience in both work and home life, and recognizing its sources is the first step to addressing it. The way we talk about our work and home life—whether we focus on challenges or opportunities—shapes our experience and energy. Burnout and bitterness often stem from unaddressed frustration; taking ownership and recalibrating your mindset is essential. There are three strategies to release frustration: mentally (journaling), emotionally (venting to a safe person with boundaries), and physically (movement or productive activity). Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I shared four tips for organizing, leading or hosting ANY event – from a bridal shower, to a family gathering, to a community fundraiser, to a work retreat, or a conference. This can be used in your personal or professional life to create a better, easier experience for you and your guests. We'll dive into preparation, plan b's, positivity and presence as ways to create a successful event. I shared my recent experiences with organizing an open house for work and hosting an upcoming women's retreat. I hope my examples help you envision your next event and arm you with tools to feel more calm and confident at the host.    "Things are not going to always go to plan in your event, right? We can't control every circumstance, and you can't have thought through every detail. But how do you react or act when something goes off the rails?" - Trina Key points: Being prepared for the event will alleviate unnecessary stress. Being prepared is not the same as obsessing over every small detail.  Creating "plan B's" ahead of time will help you enjoy the event more. What could go wrong and how will you react to that? From the weather to cancellations to scenarios you simply can't dream up, your reaction matters.  Staying positive will help you roll the punches of event, even when someone says something that throws you off. Choose not to overthink or create unnecessary stories.  Being fully present at the activity or event is a gift to yourself and your attendees. Try to disconnect from technology. Have conversations and participate as the others do.    Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I share stories and lessons on an area of life that matters to all of us —  friendship. I discuss how to honor, but differentiate friendships that are built on a circumstance or a chapter of life, from those that are built to last time, distance and life experiences. This is a great episode for reflecting on the types of friendships that you have in your life, and to think about what you value most in your friends. You can do some soul-searching on what you bring to your friendships, which ones might be worth pouring more energy into, and what relationships might have lost their strength or connection. It's important to have friends to do daily life with, who know what you have going on at work or home without a ton of explanation. These are friends to catch up over lunch, go for a walk, go to a workout, or hang with your families, etc. Those kinds of daily friendships knit us together with others in our community. It''s important to have another level or layer of friends who you trust and value on a deeper level that you know love you without jealousy or judgement.  "Certain friendships in your life and mine. These are friendships that last the test of time. They last distance, miles, states in between you, and they last through different and even difficult life experiences." - Trina Key points: Lasting friendships are those that withstand time, distance, and life changes, providing mutual respect, love, care, and trust. Friendships can be based on different life stages or circumstances, and it's natural for some to fade as life evolves, while others remain strong. The most enduring friendships are built on genuine support, lack of jealousy or judgment, and a shared desire for each other's growth and happiness. Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I share two ways to be more productive, less stressed, and more focused on your pursuits in life. The strategy is to be stronger than distractions, and better able to handle disruptions. These "d" words come in all different shapes and sizes. Tune in for examples from my life that might spark ideas in your life. Let's discuss how to prevent social, news, emails, texts or other people's demands distract you. Let's discuss how to keep unexpected events at work and home from throwing you off track. I hope you find the answers you are looking for today. Enjoy life with less distraction and move through disruptions with more ease.  "I want you to say YES to things and mean it. I want you to say NO to things and own it." - Trina Key points:  Be stronger than distractions by turning off notifications, minimizing social media, and creating a focused work environment. Handle disruptions by addressing them in the moment, finding a resolution, and then setting them aside to focus on your priorities. Say yes to things and mean it, and say no to things and own it—especially when it comes to obligations, events, and activities that distract from your goals.   Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website

In this episode, I want to bring more sunshine to your days with four tips to create more happy days. Life throws us curveballs. These are four concrete ways to plan for better days, so you're more equipped to handle the hard ones. I shared some personal stories from my recent travels, from my work and from my social feed. As your friend and mentor, I share my challenges to help you overcome yours.  "If you want to create more happy days in your life, learn and commit on your end, to communicating better." - Trina Key points: 1. Snap shot good moments in your head. Take in the scene, appreciate the moment, soak in the sights and sounds and experience. They add up. When hard things happen, you have built up a well of good. 2. Anchor to your routine. Create a sense of "normalcy" to your day by anchoring to a routine. When life throws you a curve ball, you feel more stable. Do normal things that bring you peace, calm and stability – from walks to workouts to journaling. 3. Communicate better.  Most of our issues in life at work and at home stem from poor, or broken communication. Be honest and direct without being rude. Don't make people wonder, or guess.  Don't ignore people. Look for solutions. 4. When needed, disconnect. Only you know when you need to disconnect from technology. But I'm reminding you, and giving you permission. It might be social media, TV news, your smartphone, or computer. I was drowning recently on the social feed. I felt smothered by negative words and people slinging accusations at each other. I removed social apps from my phone for now. My mentoring is not about politics, or the state of the world, but rather the state of YOUR mind and wellbeing. Do what you need to do.   Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I shared about my "bucket list" weekend in Colorado for my 50th birthday. I hope this gives you the nudge you need to celebrate your special events and occasions in a way that best fits you. I'm not one for surprise parties, or big birthday parties in general. Often the logistics, invites and planning cause me more stress than good. I knew that a weekend getaway for a concert, hiking and some rest and relaxation was right up my alley. I shared some behind the scenes of my trip, including the places I visited. I also curated three takeaways from my time in the mountains that we can all put into use in our everyday life.  "Answers are found when you are not looking" - Trina Three Key points:    Answers are found when you're not looking. Shared experiences deepen your connection to others. People are the secret sauce to any business.   Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I help us prepare for a new season of life by unpacking a powerful quote from the yoga community. "The past cannot be fixed. The present can only be experienced. But the future can be crafted." Sadhguru. I applied this quote to different parts of your life – your work, your family, your health. Often our greatest burden in life is carrying the heaviness of our past with us into the present. The past was a pendulum – it was beautiful and it was hard. Let it be. No need to try to make sense of it all, or make it look pretty. It can just be. We can live a better present by not trying to control other people or circumstances. We can craft a better future by planning for it, and growing ourselves.  "I want us to be in a place of ownership and planning of our own life, knowing it doesn't all go to plan." - Trina Key Topics: Our greatest burden in life is carrying the heaviness of our past with us into the present.  The past was a pendulum – it was beautiful and it was hard. No need to try to make sense of it all, or make it look pretty. It can just be.  We can live a better present by not trying to control other people or circumstances. We can create more moments of joy and think better thoughts.  We can craft a better future by planning for it, and growing ourselves to create it.  Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I share a recent interaction with a customer at my local business. Her story helped me create  a new life lesson to benefit all of us.  This young woman was mentally thrown off course from her health and fitness journey because of a mean internet troll. His words pierced through her confidence and led her down a winding path of self-doubt and sabotage. This lesson is about giving more weight, more value, and creating more space in your head for your own thoughts. That leaves very little room for the judgments, opinions and even criticism from others. We can't tune out the world, and often we do want advice and suggestions from others. But it's hard to sift through the good and the bad and not get hurt along the way. This strategy is to give more weight to your own words, so choose wisely.  "I want you to remember at the end of the day, you can listen to anyone you want. You can tune out the voices that don't matter at all, but for the people whose opinions you do value, even then, keep in perspective that your own words weigh more so give yourself good words to choose from." - Trina   Key Topics: Other people's opinions can sting, but they only have the power you give them. Your own words and beliefs about yourself carry far more weight than any outside judgment. Even one hurtful comment can derail progress, which is why self-affirmation is essential. Choose empowering words like "I am strong, I am growing, I am doing my best" to drown out negativity. Turn down the noise of others and turn up your own truth to live with calm confidence and clarity.   Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website

In this episode, I share the behind-the-scenes of a keynote presentation that I'm delivering to incoming college students and their parents. After talking to my son who is a college athlete who serves in the military, I chose a lesson that has elevated my own life and led to greater levels of success. Success means different things to different people – success can be financial health, physical health, depth of relationships, or your contributions to the world. But we can all agree that success feels better – that a lifestyle of success is something to strive for. The key to success is found in daily habits and daily discipline. I dive into the concept of discipline and how it shows up in various stages of life. If you want to think bigger about your life and your future, this episode is for you. "Success is not convenient. If it were, everybody would do it, but it's worth it. Now you get to define what success looks and feels like in your life, and there's so many ways to define it." Key points:  "We must all suffer one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons." - Jim Rohn  Success requires you to show up even when you don't want to.  Success requires you to shut down distractions and go the extra degree in your own work.  The pain of discipline can be applied to your chapter of life, based on where you need to get better, to grow or to advance.  Doors will open in life when you do things that were not asked of you to help or serve others, even things that are time-consuming or tedious.  Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I share a foundational lesson that I consider a formula for a great life.  The basic premise is that the pendulum of life swings both ways — it swings high toward success and equally high toward struggle. They balance each other out.  You can't have one without the other. If you choose to live an average existence – one that stays lukewarm – the pendulum doesn't swing high either way. You don't experience great joy or reward, and therefore, you don't experience great defeat or risk. But you will likely feel regret for not living life to the fullest. When you swing the pendulum high, you experience all the color of life, and you have to learn to manage the darkness. When you love hard, you hurt hard. When you risk big, you can lose big. I hope this lesson helps you navigate your work and home life with a new perspective. You are highly capable. Go swing the pendulum.  "I want you to embrace this pendulum swinging and tell yourself, this is part of my human experience. I am highly capable. When I push this high, I'm going to reap the reward, the excitement, the adrenaline, the adventure, potentially the income, the reward, the depths of joy. I'm going to experience that, and I'm also going to experience loneliness. I'm going to experience criticism." - Trina What you'll hear in this episode: How I learned to see life's highs and lows as the natural swings of a pendulum. The real story behind opening my health club—both the wins and the setbacks. Why I believe courage means pushing the pendulum higher, even knowing it may swing hard the other way. The personal and emotional cost of ending ties with my siblings—and the peace it brought. How you can build resilience and trust in yourself to handle both success and struggle. Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I discuss the journey of parenting. I share three lessons to help you navigate the tumultuous waters of raising kids. This is a thoughtful guide, not a rulebook, or a playbook. Your parenting is as unique as your own fingerprint. You bring your values, your experiences, and your skills to the table.  We are often combining our parenting styles with the other parent. It can be a lot. I share three truths and myths of parenting that offer you food for thought, suggestions and ideas for your own parenting. This episode can be helpful for parenting littles to parenting young adults or grown adults with kids of their own. Our love for our kids takes on different shapes as their needs change. Here are three ways to show up better as a parent and to make the ride a little less bumpy. Keypoints: 1. Truth: Parenting is adding drops in the bucket daily.  Myth: Parenting is not just the big events like birthdays and vacations. 2. Truth: Parenting is living for our kids.  Myth: Parenting is not living through our kids 3. Truth: As parents, we are role modeling. Myth: As parents, we are not creating carbon copies.    Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I discuss your commitment level to different endeavors or relationships in your life. If you're "one toe in the water," that means that you are hesitant, unsure and not convicted. If you are "two feet in," that means that you have decided to be all in, to be committed and to trust that you can rise to the challenge. Life always feels better with two feet in. You don't need to do something full-time hours to be two feet in, you need full-time conviction and belief. Whether it's your health, your marriage, your friendship, your career or your side hustle, decide. Get in the water, or get out. Be two feet in or none at all. Being one toe in the water never feels quite right. "What does full time honestly even mean anymore? In HR talk, full time means 35 to 40 hours a week. But in real life, I'm a full time mom, I'm a full time spouse, I'm a full time business owner, I'm a full time manager myself. I care about all of these things. They don't all get the same designated number of hours, but it's not full time hours that I care about. It's full time conviction, full time committed." - Trina   Keypoints: Being "two feet in" means making a decision to go all in. When you go all in, you build confidence and rise to the challenge. When you are one toe in the water, you are hesitant and people sense it. Being "two feet in" doesn't mean you do something full time, it means you're fully convicted. You can apply this lesson to the different roles you have in life to see where you can improve.   Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website

In this episode, I apply a very simple, but profound concept of doing hard things. We explore this lesson in all areas of our life. It can be hard to choose daily actions to better ourselves and our lives – from eating healthy, to paying bills, to learning new job skills. But it can be harder to NOT do those actions. It can be harder to live the result of inaction. It can be harder to live unhealthy, financially stressed, and stuck in your career.  "Living stuck doesn't feel good. It feels more mundane. It feels like you're always beating your head against the wall. It feels like you're not growing and learning and expanding. So yes, it's hard to grow in your career, it's hard to go back to school to get the advanced degree, or it's hard to learn the new skill. It's hard to work on yourself and your communication. It's hard to work on your time management, on your efficiency, on your focus. It's hard to grow in your career, but it is a heck of a lot harder to stay stuck." - Trina Gray Keypoints: 1. Taking daily action can be hard because no one is looking, or asking, or requiring you to grow and get better.  2. You have to want more for your own life.  3. Taking daily action can be hard because we are busy, distracted and even tired at times. 4. Ignoring or delaying the things we need to do to live a vibrant life will lead to much harder outcomes.  5. Learn the five-step process for putting the "choose your hard" mentality into your life.  

Reaching episode 20 felt like a benchmark. I wanted the topic to be uplifting. At the heart of this episode is the theme of joy—how we cultivate it within ourselves, and how we pass it on to others. I share a lesson from my recent mastermind retreat in Napa Valley, where I felt joy on a deeper level when I shared something I love with others.   I hope this episode helps you tap into what fills your own cup — from workouts to time in nature. I hope you also identify how you serve others in a way that brings you joy — from creating experiences for your family to serving your clients. It's a lighthearted topic and one that can improve your daily life.    "What is it that you are specifically doing that brings other people joy? And can you schedule that? And can you make sure you are doing that on the regular? Because I think it deepens your well of joy. " - Trina   Keypoints: I'm proud to reach episode 20—a big achievement in the podcast world—and it reminds me why I started this: to help others live calm and confident lives. I've learned that joy doesn't just show up; I have to intentionally create it, both for myself and for others. My trip to Napa Valley served as a reminder that I can 10 X my own joy when I serve others with my passion or talent.  I wrote down two lists: what brings me joy personally and what brings me joy by serving others.  Whether I'm paddleboarding, mentoring, or podcasting, I now prioritize joy as a non-negotiable—and I want you to do the same.   Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website  

In this episode, I share on a topic that I built my entire career on— health and fitness. The Calm & Confident podcast is about living a better life overall.  Embracing an active lifestyle is part of that formula. I share my own journey from being a high school athlete, to losing my way (big time) in college, and ultimately finding fitness for life. I share about the three kinds of people who start a fitness program, or join my health club — they are health-minded people looking to stay active, they lost their fitness for a season of life and are ready to get it back, or they've had a recent health scare, and have a more urgent need to get healthy. The latter is the hardest. Don't wait to start until your back is up against a wall.  I urge you to take care of yourself now because sometime in life, you'll need someone else to take care of you — and at least you'll have been carrying your fair share of the load. Fitness is prevention, it is health care, it helps you navigate the inevitable challenges that we all face. Arm yourself with a health body. You'll never regret it.  "Once fitness is out of your routine, out of your rhythm of life, it can be easily lost or forgotten. I'm encouraging you to start fresh, to get back in the rhythm, in the routine, to find a way to take control again, to put yourself in your own driver's seat of your health and to take care of you, to do your fair share." - Trina Gray Key Points: I opened up about how fitness shaped my life—from being a high school athlete to losing my way in college, and finally making health a lifelong priority. I explained the three types of people who join my health club: the consistently active, the ones returning after a break, and those facing a health scare. I urged listeners not to wait for a wake-up call—fitness is prevention and should be part of our routine now, not later. I shared how finding group fitness helped me rebuild confidence, energy, and a sense of control in my life. I believe taking care of myself today means less burden on others tomorrow—and that's a responsibility I take seriously. Connect with Trina: Instagram | LinkedIn | Website