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Childless not by Choice

Author: Civilla M. Morgan

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This podcast is about the childless not by choice demographic on a global level. If like me, you are childless not by choice, this podcast, my platform, is a place for you to find community and understanding.

Childless not by choice women and men can many times be misunderstood or ignored by society, and I want to change that.
I invite everyone to listen and to realize we are not all living the same lives. When we realize this, our minds will open up to the fact that we can treat each other with understanding, empathy, and grace.
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Intro: Hello, and welcome to episode 128 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.   I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.     Correction: I would like to issue a correction:    In episode 125--Are We Being Good Ancestors, the January 2021 episode; I made the comment that ‘only in America’, in reference to Kamala Harris becoming the first woman in such a high leadership role. I should have specified that for the first time in American history, Kamala Harris is the first woman to reach that level of leadership, Vice President of The United States of America, as there are obviously quite a few women running countries all over the world.  A listener brought that to my attention and even sent me a really cool video highlighting these wonderful female world leaders.  My apologies for the misspeak, and be sure to check out the really cool video. I watched it twice!  I’ve also put a PEW Research article link here in the show notes, that discusses amongst other things, childless women, and women in leadership roles. It’s a great article.   Body of episode content: WARNING: This episode may cause all types of triggers. I mean just look at the title. So please listen in a safe place.  In fact, I will give you some time to hit the pause button or to get to a safe place, by telling you about my new habit.  So, I was Googling what we, the general human beings, celebrate in the month of April, and well, it’s a lot. Some things are like, really? Others are quite serious:  Here are some examples: Fresh Florida Tomato Month National Fresh Celery Month National Soft Pretzel Month National Straw Hat Month  Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Month National Autism Awareness Month Stress Awareness Month Black Women's History Month  Celebrate Diversity Month National Arab American Heritage Month Sexual Assault Awareness Month  Sexually Transmitted Infections Awareness Month There are tons more, but I wanted to give you a list from the mundane to the quite serious. What stood out for me though, was National Take a Chance Day. I want to ask you to take a chance. It’s April, the beginning of the second quarter of 2021. Things are still iffy with the pandemic, but our governments are trying. And remember, none of us have been down this road before. We are all trying to figure things out. But even so, I believe there is something you can take a chance on. Why not start that book, that newsletter, a new exercise regimen, a food you have never had before. Talking to that person you are crushing on, or even talking to someone, a co-worker, someone you attend religious services with, who does not share your skin color or race.  There are so many things we can take a chance on, that really do not include too much risk. What’s the worst that could happen? We may find that we don’t like that food we’ve always wanted to try, although it may have been the way it was prepared. We may find that the person we were crushing on felt the same about us, or that maybe they are not a good fit after talking to them. We may find that starting that book or newsletter was easier than we thought. Or that co-worker or fellow churchgoer is really nice, or maybe not. But how would we know if we don’t take a chance? So, National Take a Chance Day is April 23rd. And maybe you’re listening after the 23rd, but I say take that chance. If you decide to, let me know! Now, onto our story.  Remember, this may be a tough one.       You may ask, ‘why does she talk about mental health so much?’ But the fact is, I hear quite a bit that regardless of what subject matter you are teaching, helping, coaching on; you do not have to be perfect to teach or lead others. You just have to be slightly ahead of them on the journey. Well, I’ll let you in on a secret: most days I feel slightly ahead like I am really helping you. But some days, my heart feels a little sad over the things that did not happen for me. I think it’s natural. And what’s even more natural is to recognize those days and then keep moving.  I don’t think we should ignore our hearts when they are feeling sad or retrospective.  The reason I talk about mental health so much is because as childless not by choice women, we can often find ourselves inside our heads.  And as we all know, inside our heads is not always the best place to be. It's the reason journaling is suggested whenever we have been through a traumatic experience or when we just need to get something off of our chest. I believe we should journal even if there is not much going on in our lives. Journaling is healthy for our minds and for our souls.  Keeping things, anythings, bottled up inside is never a good idea. It will manifest either in a complete meltdown, usually at the wrong time, or a literal change in our personalities, and how we manage life.  If you need help, ask a trusted person in your life to assist you in getting that help. Journal. Continue to tune into this podcast. Join our Facebook groups. Interact with the childless not by choice in the groups. Realize that you are not the only one. You are not on an island by yourself. It may sound trite. I know every situation is different. But I know community helps take us out of our own heads.  So, back in 2004, Lisa Montgomery concocted a plan that would end in the murder of the just 23-year-old Bobbi Jo Stinnet. Link in the show notes to the article on the story.  It sounds like yet another terrible murder until you realize that Lisa Montgomery drove several hours to Bobbi Jo Stinnett’s house under the guise of purchasing puppies, to carry out her plan. What she actually did when she got there was horrendous. What she did put her on death row.  On January 13, 2021, she was put to death for what she did.  The first woman in 60 years to be put to death in her state. I was initially not going to cover this story because Lisa had children, four of them. But I decided to go ahead. Because here’s the thing. Mental health is mental health. Lisa committed this horrendous murder in an attempt to manipulate a certain situation that was going on in her life. Her attorneys’ defense was that she had gone through a terrible childhood which included terrible abuse by her stepfather.  Lisa needed help. The level of abuse she endured from the very young age of about eight years according to some accounts, led her to do what she did.   According to one article, link in the show notes, Her second husband Kevin Montgomery noted that "The only thing I can think of is she wanted a baby so bad,"   It’s true, not everyone asks for help. In fact, most people believe they are just fine even though the entire world can see they clearly need help. And the fact is, in this world, you will seldom receive help if you do not ask for it.  Unfortunately, even when you ask you may not get the assistance you need. Sometimes it is because you are asking the wrong people. But I strongly suggest that you ask, and you keep asking.  When we do not have an advocate, and many of us do not; we will have to advocate for ourselves. Now I know, that is a learned behavior for many of us.  It can be difficult, especially as women and in some societies, to stick up for ourselves. But please know, especially once you are an adult and no longer under the hand of those who should protect you but choose to abuse you instead, that you are worthy. You are worthy of obtaining the mental health you need. You are worthy of stopping the abuse that can continue from your parent’s home to your husband’s home.  You deserve advocacy, even and especially self-advocacy.  I have had the opportunity to interview several authors on this podcast. There is a book list on our Community page on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net.  I have also created guides on the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group. Guide number five is a list of podcast episodes where I have interviewed childless not by choice authors. Please tune into these episodes. Please get these author’s books. Reading books written by women like us helps us to realize and maintain good, positive mental health.  It is a type of advocacy when we can see ourselves in books and hear ourselves on podcast episodes.     Look, we have all been through some type of trauma in our lives. If we haven’t we will. I’m not wishing you ill will. But the fact is, life is hard. It’s filled with difficulty. It is filled with broken hearts, unfulfilled dreams, and unfulfilled plans. What do we do with all of that sadness?            In 1998, Gloria Williams dressed up as a nurse and walked into a Jacksonville, FL hospital.  Her mission: steal a baby. She was almost caught as two other nurses ran down the hall with another patient who was in labor. They reminded the ‘nurse’ that she was not supposed to be arm carrying a baby. The rules were that medical staff were supposed to move babies by bassinet only.  Ms. Williams went back into the mother’s room, chatted her up some more, until the coast was clear, and walked out with the baby. She raised the baby as hers for the next 18 years, until the lie was finally brought to light in 2016.           She was facing 22 years in prison. She got 18. Her daughter still sees Ms. Williams as her mother, in fact asking that they not toss her in jail and throw away the key.  Well, Ms. Williams got 18 years, which she said was ‘cruel and unusual punishment.’  According to the ABC News article, link in the show notes: The NCMEC--National Center for Missing & Exploited Children says: ‘Many women who steal babies do so in a desperate attempt to keep a boyfriend or husband they fear may leave them if they don’t have a child to bind them together, analysis of past abduction cases has found. They are of child-bearing age and may already have children at home, the group says. They may pretend to be pregnant, they may have recently lost a baby due to miscarriage or they may suffer from a medical condition that prevents them from becoming pregnant themselves…’  So you see the profile the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children research proves. It is quite evident that not all baby abductions are done by childless not by choice women. Like any diabolical plan, there are different reasons people do these things.   But the bottom line is that we have the research to prove that childless not by choice women don’t go around stealing babies. But we already knew that, didn’t we?  The key for us is as I said before if we need help, we need to admit it and seek the help we need: therapy, journaling, Community.     You know, as I researched for this episode I came across a Reddit post where a woman said that her co-workers were telling her she should not babysit because she might be tempted to steal the baby, something like that. There are all types of really silly people out there saying things to hurt people. Sometimes they mean to, sometimes they do not. Either way, the hurt happens.  What will you do about it? Start now, therapy, journaling, Community.        Patreon: I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month.  My Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure on the Patreon platform.   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Here https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   ***Suicide prevention phone number: 800-273-8255   Research links: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2021/02/25/in-vice-president-kamala-harris-we-can-see-how-america-has-changed/   This is the link to the video I mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUujjBqpxOg   This is episode 125--Are We Being Good Ancestors https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-125-are-we-being-good-ancestors/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-98-pet-therapy-for-the-childless-not-by-choice-demographic-3/ The following links are stories and articles related to our discussion on theft of babies: https://www.tristatehomepage.com/news/indiana-news/woman-convicted-of-killing-pregnant-woman-stealing-baby-set-to-be-first-woman-executed-in-nearly-70-years/   https://www.smh.com.au/world/unborn-child-theft-ex-husband-steps-in-20041223-gdkd8e.html   https://abcnews.go.com/Health/baby-abductors-gloria-williams-fit-similar-profile/story?id=53081106   https://www.missingkids.org/blog/2019/post-update/who-would-steal-a-baby Articles of interest:   https://www.thejc.com/comment/opinion/large-families-should-be-seen-as-a-modern-sensible-way-forward-1.512292   https://www.thebalanceeveryday.com/april-is-national-month-calendar-3514983 Episodes and articles of interest:   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-89-unexplained-infertility-aka-idiopathic-infertility/   This is the Instagram interview from Macbeth.childfree.childless: https://www.instagram.com/p/CMw7oF-lpa_/?igshid=oz6d42xzm66j   https://www.thesun.ie/fabulous/6840289/kids-one-question-never-ask-woman-michelle-keegan/ Special thank you to: My Patreon Patrons. To become a patron, please visit https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  If you would like to make a donation without becoming a patron, visit my Paypal account at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com . My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one-time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription or following the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!      
Hello, and welcome to episode 127 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.  I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.  I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month.  My Patreon Contributors.  Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure on the Patreon platform.   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Your Name Here Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Guest Bio:  Marilisa Beatty is the current Mrs. Pennsylvania America 2020.  She was crowned in August of 2020 and will be competing for the title of Mrs. America.  Marilisa holds an M.A. in Strategic Communication from Villanova University. She is the CEO and Principal of Key Qualitative, Inc., and the Key Messages App - both businesses specializing in global, qualitative research.   Marilisa is highly active in her community and is an advocate for fellow infertile and childless women to share their many gifts with the world through community service.   As Mrs. Pennsylvania, Marilisa will dedicate the next year to continuing her service work, and promoting her platform: "Bigger than Infertility". In the coming months, she will be spearheading a nation-wide volunteer service hours drive within the childless and infertile community, to spread the message of living a life that is "Bigger than Infertility", while helping others in the world around us, and promoting the fact that WE ARE WORTHY!   For more information on Marilisa, her platform, or volunteer hours drive as that project develops, you can find her on Instagram @mrs.pennsylvaniaamerica_2020.  Welcome to the show Marilisa, it is so wonderful to introduce you to the childless not by choice community!    How did you get into the world of pageantry? Is that a word? Take us into that world a little.  Dumplin--NFLX   What are the similarities and differences between Miss and Mrs? Tell us about Key Qualitative Inc. and the Key Messages App, they both sound intriguing? Speaking of apps, tell us about that app you signed up for that time? So one day you and your husband moved from PA to CO site unseen? How did that come about? (Once they found out, she and her husband, that they could not have children, they had to reinvent themselves.) Tell us about your platform: Bigger than infertility?     Community Service hours drive created out of her Bigger than Infertility platform.    So, any community service counts listeners!  Marilisa works a lot with homeless people, homeless women, in particular, re-introducing back into home life.  What is your passion, listener?    Links to check out:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bjhy2a-jhOY Volunteermatch.com Google volunteer opportunities in your area biggerthaninfertility.org   Special thank you to: Marilisa Beatty--’ Take back that control from infertility.’ There is no wrong way to mourn. We are not less than, we are worthy.   Marilisa’s Contact Information:   Instagram @mrs.pennsylvaniaamerica_2020 YouTube Channel: All of our Appearances Have Been Canceled https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8s5-VK3lX8 My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Hello, and welcome to episode 126 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life. I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in. What is today’s show about? Well, today we have a guest! I am so excited! But before I introduce her to you, I want to say a big thank you to my patrons! Patreon Contributors: Thank you for your monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you are not yet a patron, join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, by visiting patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one-time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions go toward the monthly maintenance fees of this podcast. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. So, our guest! Intro: Donna Ward is a writer, editor, and publisher with qualifications in Classics, Economics, and Social Work. She worked in policy development, welfare management, and community development before establishing her private practice which offered individual and group psychotherapy, and an organizational consultancy offering, strategic planning, conflict resolution, research, and report writing. In her retirement, she established the literary journal, indigo, and the micro-press Inkerman & Blunt. Her prose has appeared nationally and internationally including in the Griffith Review, Huffington Post, and The Big Issue. Her memoir, She I Dare Not Name: A Spinster’s Meditations on Life is available now.  And that is what we are going to discuss today, She I Dare Not Name, A Spinster’s Meditations on Life’ Body of episode content: Welcome, Donna Ward! Thank you for joining us! I kept running your title through my mind, why ‘she I dare not name’? Who is she?   I thought about the organization Aging Without Children, are you familiar with them? I’ve put a link in the show notes.  So, spinster...what feedback if any, did you get on the use of that word? Is it almost like a curse word?   ‘I write to shatter the stereotype that shadows me in a singular narrative, a narrative that writes me out of my own society.’ Whoa! That was deep! I guess that is pretty much like the rude commentary and questions we get from friends, family, and strangers alike right?   I read a review by Shelley  McInnis. Have you read it? I put a link in the show notes.    Could you read us a portion of an essay?   What can the woman, or the man, who is enduring a particular type of loneliness, deep loneliness that only someone who never married or had children would understand, do to deal with it when they see it coming?   Where can we find your book and what is your contact information?      Links of note: https://www.awwoc.org/ https://newtownreviewofbooks.com.au/donna-ward-she-i-dare-not-name-a-spinsters-meditations-on-life-reviewed-by-shelley-mcinnis/ https://www.thecut.com/2016/09/25-famous-women-on-being-alone.html https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/03/30/7-women-who-had-very-full-lives-and-never-married/%3foutputType=amp https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19932102/famous-quotes-single-ladies/ Dante’s Inferno   Special thank you to: Donna Ward Donna’s Contact Information: Booktopio Donna-ward.com.au My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.    
Hello, and welcome to episode 125  of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.  I also welcome you if you are not childless not by choice. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thank you for tuning in.   Well, it’s still January as of this recording, so Happy New Year! Happy 2021! If you’re here in The US, let’s just say we’ve already gotten off to a pretty rocky start, but it has also been a quite historic start as well.  It would be disingenuous at episode 125, to pretend we have not had some sort of relationship the past five years.  You have listened to me through the loss of my first podcast producer. It was a shocker as it came without warning. I had to ask a mutual friend, believe it or not, to edit the episode that was due. At that time I had no clue how to edit an episode. Now I have much more insight and knowledge on how to edit but I would still rather pay someone else to do it. You have listened as I talked about the loss of my mom and how during the time of her illness I went from two episodes per month to one, which is where we are now.  And where I believe we will be for the foreseeable future as I continue to care for my dad and maintain all of the other things I have on my plate. You listened to me talk about how much I miss her and how I felt some in the healthcare community failed her. Thanks for listening.   So, that rocky start I was talking about: I cannot begin to tell you how utterly angry, dismayed, shocked, and scared I was. All of those emotions wrapped up into one. I could not believe what I was seeing when Americans stormed their own country’s capital building chanting death to certain leaders. I posted on my Facebook page that day:  ‘Too often we don’t know what we have until it’s gone, taken away, given away.’   I watched the insurrectionists try to give away the last 240 years and it broke my heart.  My deepest condolences to the family of the police officer that was murdered. My deepest thanks are added to the millions who watched that handful of police officers try to protect the country’s seat of power.   And the historic start: The first woman, a woman of color became a national leader in America. Her father is Jamaican, and her mother was Indian--both immigrants. Only in America folks! I pray for the safety of our new president and new vice president daily.  I pray that even though there are some that want to see them fail on an epic level, there are more of us that are for them than there are against them.  I have to tell you though, that I also prayed for our previous president. He needed prayer. This may not be a popular stance with many, but as a Believer, it is mandated that I do so. See the link in the show notes for proof. That is all I will say about all of the above. But you know what? It ties in well with today’s subject matter.  Before we move into today’s subject matter, two things: the first episode of 2021 was supposed to be my interview with Mrs. Pennsylvania 2020, except I um, messed up on the recording and did not know until my podcast producer went to record it. Totally my fault. So that interview has been rescheduled and will be airing hopefully in March. Thank you for your patience!    And    I would like to take a moment to thank the people who send me money every month.  My Patreon Contributors.    Your contributions help pay my podcast producer, my podcast host, Zoom, where I interview most of my guests, etc. So thank you very much!      If you are not yet a Patron and would like to join in, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice to set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you, so be sure to leave your address. It is secure in the Patreon platform.   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com.  Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Your Name Here https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. So, what is today’s show about?   Jonas Salk (1914-1995) was the American medical researcher who developed the first polio vaccine in the mid-1950s.(Sep 24, 2014.) And then he refused to patent the vaccine, making it easier for more children to have the opportunity to be vaccinated. That means he gave up a lot of cash! I wish more people knew that no one lives forever, and you can’t take it with you. It appears Jonas Salk knew this.    But did you know that he said:  ‘Our Greatest responsibility is to be good ancestors.’--Jonas Salk. I believe that is what he was doing when he opted not to patent the vaccine.    Well, I don’t know about you, but I never thought of myself as an ancestor. Not just because I am childless but because I’m still here. I don’t really want to think about myself in the past tense. However, I guess as we get older we start to think about our mortality. At least most people of a certain age do right? There are that few who believe they will live forever, but as far as I know death comes to all of us. At the risk of continuing down a morbid path, let me move on.  I can’t remember where I first came across this Jonas Salk quote, but I do recall it stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t know what to think at first.  In split seconds, my brain went from ‘well that leaves me out of the mix’, to ‘wait, I can still be a good ancestor, an ancestor in general; even though I never had kids. I mean it was seconds from one thought to the next.    In fact, as I write the content for this episode, this has happened to me twice. This as in, I immediately went to ‘well, that leaves me out of the mix since I don’t have kids’, to wait I can still take part.  You see, I belong to a Facebook group where they asked everyone to join in this game where you include your child’s name in the response. Immediately I thought ‘well that leaves me out’. And then I thought well, ‘I can include the word childless where my child’s name would have been placed.  I wondered what the response would be to my inserting the word ‘childless’ until I saw multiple other women saying things like, ‘what name do I use if I don’t have kids ?’ or ‘Well I included my pet’s name since I don’t have kids.’ It turned out to be a fun game and I’m glad I played. Look, I realize we are all in different places in our journey. I know that game may have sent some into anywhere from a tailspin to a pinprick, as Jody Day says. But what I want you to know is that you can take situations like these: a quote that you initially feel does not pertain to you or a game that you do not think you can join in because of your childlessness; and turn them around to your advantage.  You do what’s best for you where you are. Don’t allow childlessness to keep you out of the game. And don’t let the game make you feel bad about your childlessness.   Being a good ancestor...         Being a good ancestor pertains to all of us, childless or child filled.  Being a good ancestor makes room for those of us who do not have children, to still be able to leave a legacy.    Being a good ancestor means being a positive contributor to our communities.  Being a good ancestor means finding a way to leave a small footprint, i.e. using less than we need from this planet.  Being a good ancestor means being good aunts or uncles--how do we interact with our nieces and nephews? What can we do to help them get ready for life when they are very young? How can we be good support systems when they are young adults?   Being a good ancestor means doing what we were put here to do. Because remember, we are here for a reason.  What can you do to be a good ancestor?   Well, thank you for tuning in to our first episode of 2021! There are more great episodes coming. Next month you will hear my interview with Australian author Donna Ward, on her book ‘She I Dare Not Name, A Spinster’s Meditations on Life’. Yup, you heard right! So be sure to tune in for that episode in February!  In the meantime, remember we meet via Zoom every couple of months, but the link will only be placed in our Facebook group. The next meeting is slated for February. Be sure to browse through the show notes here for details on how to contact me or anything else having to do with the podcast.  Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! Happy New Year!    Research links:  https://www.salk.edu/salk-together-2/   https://www.huffpost.com/entry/human-impact_b_916396   https://theexperimentpublishing.com/2020/11/how-can-we-be-good-ancestors-hear-from-roman-krznaric-on-the-key-to-long-term-thinking/   Podcast episodes you may also like to listen to: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ The Scripture I mentioned above: ‘First of all, then, I urge that petitions (specific requests), prayers, intercessions (prayers for others) and thanksgivings be offered on behalf of all people, 2 for [a]kings and all who are in [positions of] high authority, so that we may live a peaceful and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.’--1 Timothy 2:1-2.  My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Or just go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net . ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 124! Imposter Syndrome!  Before we get into the episode... Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. To join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   If you prefer to give via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Your financial gifts go toward paying my podcast producer, paying my podcast hosting fees, buying ads on social media, and all things podcast-related.  Every dollar helps. If this podcast has helped you, help me help someone else which is what happens when someone sees an ad or hears an episode.     https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Susie Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Body of episode content:   Feeling like an imposter when we do life as CNBC women: I got this list from zencare.co Extreme lack of self-confidence. Feelings of inadequacy. Constant comparison to other people. Anxiety. Self-doubt. Distrust in one's own intuition and capabilities. Negative self-talk. Dwelling on the past.   So... When do you most feel like an imposter: When attending an event and immediately feeling like an imposter when all of the women start talking about their kids. At work when a co-worker visits the office with her newborn. You wish you had a way of slipping out without being noticed, just like an imposter would do.    When you are the CEO of a company or the Prime Minister of a country, and another woman says you cannot lead because you have no real investment in the future of the company/country.   When your siblings show up with their kids and well… When people assume you have children and they make commentary such as ‘you wouldn’t want that to happen to your kids would you?’     When someone says ‘you don’t have kids so you won’t understand’.     Where do you belong as a CNBC woman? Anyplace you want to be. Anyplace you worked hard to be. At any table, you feel you belong.      How we should deal with imposter syndrome and gain the confidence we deserve:   Gain confidence by joining a group, a community, of people who are in your same boat. Stop comparing your life to other’s lives.  Everyone is on their own journey.  Depending on where you are in your childless not by choice journey, you can feel anxious and doubtful about where your journey leads. I won’t lie to you, it can seem scary. No one knows what the future holds, and a future without children may seem scary and lonely…but remember, your future is what you make it. We’ve talked about this before, remember, there is no guarantee that if you had had children that you would have someone to check in on you, to care for you. It would have been a 50/50 chance. Trust yourself, even if or when no one else will. Even when you stand alone in your healthy boundaries. Trust yourself. You are worthy, and the longer you continue on in your journey, you will continue to realize and enjoy your worth.    It took me a long time, but I have gotten to the point where I look in the mirror and say positive things to myself. Sometimes I even smile at myself. Do I think I am better than everyone else? No, because I am not comparing myself to anyone else. I am on my own journey, you are on yours. Look in your mirror in the mornings. You may feel dorky at first, but trust me, practice makes perfect. Practice saying nice things to yourself. Practice smiling at yourself in the mirror. Kindness to yourself will show in the way you interact with the world. They--the world, your family, your co-workers, will see a difference.      So don’t look back on what might have been, what could have been. Looking back will not change things.  Look around you now. Look ahead to what can be.    So, we’re heading into a new year. 2020 has been beyond crazy right. I mean you know the saying ‘you can’t make this stuff up’, has new meaning.  But before we get there, about the Holidays. Well, usually we would be discussing how to deal with family and friends, maintaining healthy boundaries, leaving the party when we were good ready, etc. Most of us aren’t heading to any parties right now, right? So we’re most likely in the opposite place: seclusion, furlough, maybe even loneliness? Totally opposite direction. What to do about being in a different place this holiday season? Well, none of us have been down this path before. I mean the last pandemic was 100 years ago. So I am not going to pretend I know everything to say here. What I will say to you is what I would say to me:    Do what you must to remain healthy mentally, spiritually, emotionally, even physically.  That means mentally that you speak with a therapist if things seem to be spinning, or even slowly swirling out of control.  Don’t wait until you have no sense of direction. Instead, take yourself seriously. Listen to yourself.    Many of you know that I am a Believer. That means for me, that I read my Bible daily, I listen to sermons by pastors I really like and respect, I go to church (online. I haven’t been inside the church building since about March), and I read and listen to devotions.  So in addition to my morning devotions, sometimes throughout the day, I will listen to one of my favorite pastors. These practices keep my mind clear and healthy, leaving less room for negativity. Do I have my ups and downs especially during this crazy pandemic? Of course. But I look to my faith as my foundation that the rest of my life branches from.  What are your spiritual practices?   Emotional health is pretty similar to mental health. The difference though is that emotional health is the ability to cope. The WHO--World Health Organization says that ‘Mental health is  “a state of well-being in which the individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community”.  If you are having trouble coping, a word I don’t generally like, but I think it works in this context, get help. Bottom line.     Physically. Well, I have recently started back on my treadmill. 30 minutes every morning. And it is when I am on my treadmill that I do my devotionals. So I’m multitasking, something I love to do. It took me several months to get back on although I know I needed to, and I am telling you, it is the best investment in oneself. Exercise is a self-investment. It makes me feel physically better, stronger, and able.  And it’s also good for mental health.   So, there you have it. Imposter syndrome and mental health. Please take this information with you into 2021. I don’t know what is in store for us, but one way or the other, we must keep up our strength and our hope.          Well, two more things before I go:   check out the Goals list in the Shop page on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net.  It will help you as you head into the new year.   Leave a rating and review in Apple Podcast. I do not ask you to do this very much, but I will ask more in 2021, so don’t get tired of me. I  would really appreciate it if you would take a moment and rate and review this podcast. I’ve also put a podcast rating link in the FB  groups and here in the show notes.  I am seeing an increase in listens and downloads and I appreciate that. But when you rate and review a podcast it puts more eyes and ears on the podcast.  So click the link in the show notes and help me get the word out that there are childless not by choice women on this planet and we are just as worthy to be here. This link actually allows you to rate and review in Podchaser, iTunes, Castbox, and Stitcher.  Any questions, let me know. I can’t do this all by myself!   https://lovethepodcast.com/childlessnotbychoice?fbclid=IwAR35y5hLEQsg2EouqiJ4tXOjiHkPB39UbsmCS0FbMuvkN6VwvKAP0wAvdLs     Links to stories you might be interested in: https://demography.cass.anu.edu.au/events/assisted-reproduction-late-fertility-and-childlessness-australia https://blog.zencare.co/imposter-syndrome/   Episodes of interest: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-114-the-holidays-the-loneliest-time-of-the-year-2/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 123.  Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Susan Imholt Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Stitcher Premium info: Your Success Dashboard: https://app.periscopedata.com/shared/cab7b213-4764-4c6a-acb1-6cda055b4c4d? Your Promo Code: NOTBYCHOICE Stitcher Premium Promo Copy: Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.   Today's Show:  Well, let’s talk about a few things, get caught up, and all that good stuff, and be sure to listen to some words of encouragement I want you to hold onto.  And then I’ll see you in December!  Reminder, I am on hiatus October and November. No new episodes. But there are 123 episodes including this one, in the library. Go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, or your favorite podcast player app. You know the drill!  And, remember the August newsletter is out. Be sure to check it out. Going forward, there will be a newsletter every quarter starting in January.   Another way to stay in touch is through the Facebook group, and through the Community group on the website. I will be in both groups from time to time throughout my hiatus.  Come on in and join us for conversation.  By the way, I will be having a Zoom call in September. The link will be posted in the Facebook group.  Other places you can find me include Twitter, @civilla1, LinkedIn, and Pinterest. I love Pinterest you all.  It’s one of my favorite places to be.   Speaking of the Facebook group, the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, I took a number of episodes from the podcast library and segmented them by subject matter.  Maybe there is a subject matter you want to know more about? Check out the units! So there you are. I won’t completely disappear. I will be around, just not creating new episodes.  If you go back a few episodes in the library, you will recall I started this last year after I lost my mom. I really needed a mental and emotional break. I miss her so much. It’s been a little over a year and I’m still trying to catch my breath.  Taking these two months off means the world to me.    Well, I wanted to leave you with a few words of encouragement:   You matter. You matter. You matter. Take every day one day at a time.  Take every situation one situation at a time. It does not make sense to worry about something that may not even work out the way you are worrying about it may happen. Set kind but firm boundaries. Remember, you matter. This means you must live your best most relevant life. You were not born to live your family and friend's lives. You must plan your time with and without family and friends. Find your own interests, or create them. Create your own circle of friends. It does not mean you love your family less, it means they must know that you have kind, firm, loving boundaries. Boundaries are healthy.   And let me tell, it is very easy as a childless woman, and especially if you are also single, to be disrespected. I know you’ve heard it all: ‘You’re not a mom, you wouldn’t understand’. ‘That is a silly question, you have obviously never been married’. ‘When you have a child I will listen to your suggestions’. ‘You’re single, we can put you on the couch and save the bedroom for a couple.’ When I interviewed Jody Day in episode 90, we discussed her book ‘Living The Life Unexpected’, in which she talked about the woman who was put in a tent in the garden as family planned sleeping arrangements over the holidays. Can you imagine?  Not only must you set boundaries, but you must also adhere to them so that everyone around you must adhere to them as well. Remember, if you don’t respect yourself why should anyone else? Join a group, like ours, where you can get the support and commiseration you need.  Good, positive support groups are good for your health! Community is good for your health.   I have a question for you. Are you doing what you dreamed you would do when you were a kid? In some cases it may not be practical anymore, but what are you doing now, even in a hobbyist way, that is fulfilling to you? If you are doing something fulfilling, kudos to you. If you are not and you are feeling stuck, feeling sorry for yourself, maybe even feeling like your life is wasting away as you watch others living their best life, it is time to turn things around.  Start on a small scale. Start by writing it down. Whatever ‘it’ is. That is where you start your plan.  You can even journal as you make your way through the process.  Don’t let your life go because things didn't turn out as expected.   Fight for you.  Fight for your peace.   Fight for your boundaries.  Life is short and you only get one.  Whose life are you living? Even if it is not the life you expected to live, make sure you are living the life you are choosing to live. Yes, there are tradeoffs. Some of us are caring for family members, in fact, we have family and friends that we must and we should interact with. No one is an island.  But the key to keeping healthy, kind, firm boundaries, is knowing when to say no, when to say yes, and when to rest; to yourself and to everyone else.  Don’t give up on you because life pulled a 2020.           ***PLEASE NOTE A CHANGE: I’VE UPDATED THE NAME OF THE SUPPORTERS GROUP TO:  SUPPORTERS OF THE CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE COMMUNITY WITH CIVILLA MORGAN   Special thank you to: You!  Thanks for listening. Thanks for your feedback. Thanks for allowing this podcast to walk with you on your journey to relevance and joy.  You might be interested:  https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-90-my-interview-with-jody-day-founder-of-gateway-women/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 122--Mapping the journey, living the life of a childless not by choice woman. Before I introduce you to our guest, let me first say thank you to my Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice  Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Herehttps://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Stitcher Premium info: Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.   Intro:  Ruth Berkowitz, MA, is a Wellness Coach for Individuals, Children, and Families. Ruth says that her mission is to help raise the Divine Feminine back to her rightful place within the woman, the family, and society. She holds a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology with an emphasis in Spiritual Psychology. Sociology, Family Systems, Mindful Meditation and Movement, and Creative Expression inform her healing work with herself and others. Ruth is 49 years old and childless not by choice by circumstance. Her intention is to see the opportunities for healing and growth in this loss while carrying the grief with grace and acceptance. Her heartfelt aspiration is to empower herself and others to reframe their life story and find purpose and fulfillment as the nurturing, generative women they already are.   Body of episode content: So, one of the main reasons I wanted to interview you was because I wanted the listeners to hear the ‘day to day’ of a childless not by choice woman. Someone other than myself. What is the most challenging part of being childless not by choice? (My answer is the Self-Judgment/Powerlessness, i.e. Shame/Sense of Failure.) How do you work with yourself when these come up? In what ways are you able to express the nurturing and generativity at your core? What are the blessings/silver lining? How do you cope with triggers? How do you cope with the grief? What is Spiritual Psychology and how do you apply it? But I mean to be Childless Not By Choice?   Episode links:  https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/about-the-children/ Special thank you to: Ruth Berkowitz   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 121!  Today’s show... Well, before we get into today’s show, why doesn't the church talk about childlessness? I would like to stop and recognize that this month makes five years of podcasting, speaking to, and encouraging the hearts of the childless not by choice community globally!  The platform itself is slightly older, with the podcast becoming the center of the platform. It does not make the other aspects of the platform: the blog, the community, the website, any less important, but honestly, the podcast is what really gets the word out. Once you listen to the episodes hopefully you are curious enough to come on in and explore the rest of the platform.   If I stopped podcasting today I would still see this as one of my great accomplishments. I don’t mean this in a self-congratulatory way. I believe the goal of creating a place for the childless not by choice community to come to; whether it is the Facebook groups, the newsletter, or the podcast; a place has been carved out for us, the childless not by choice demographic with this podcast, this platform.  And I am grateful God chose me to do it. I am even more grateful that you are listening because that means you are finding value, getting help, and finding commiseration. Community. And you know how I feel about Community.       Once again, thank you!  So, there is a lot more in the show notes than what I have said. Please, please visit the show notes when you listen to the episodes. Every episode is chock full of great information. When I listen to podcasts I browse the show notes while I am listening. Unless I am driving of course. Never browse show notes while driving! In fact, as a podcaster, I listen to podcasts about podcasts. Those particular podcasts I listen to while I am at home, at my desk, because I sometimes take notes and follow up on suggestions literally while listening to the podcast.  Some people have told me that they listen to this podcast without distraction. Some of my podcasts I listen to at night. Find your podcast listening groove. See what works for you.       Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name HereQuestions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen, and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Stitcher Premium info: Your Success Dashboard: https://app.periscopedata.com/shared/cab7b213-4764-4c6a-acb1-6cda055b4c4d? Your Promo Code: NOTBYCHOICE   Stitcher Premium Promo Copy: Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.     As I mentioned in the last episode, on Mother’s Day, a couple of months ago at this point,  we had a nice little get together in our Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group.  It was nice to get together with other women who may have varying degrees of difficulty dealing with Mother’s Day.  By the time you hear this episode, we would have had our July meeting. If you are not already a member of the Facebook group, come on over, answer the pre-entry questions, and join us in the group! If you do not fit the demographic, there is a Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Supporters group as well.   So one of the ladies in our Facebook group, Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan, asked why doesn’t the church talk about childless women...you know, barren women as the Bible calls us. And I got to thinking that the reason is the Bible never talked about a barren woman who remained barren. All of the barren women in the Bible’s stories ended up having children.  So then church folk are left to think from a wide range of thoughts, ‘just give it time’, to ‘what did you do wrong?’ to ‘What are you doing wrong?’ I was talking to a friend about the fact that I was working on this episode recently, and she said ‘well what about Anna? So let’s talk about Anna for a minute. Anna, not to be confused with Hannah. Because Hannah begged God for a child and ended up with six including her firstborn who would eventually become one of the most known prophets in the Old Testament, Samuel.  Not only was Samuel a prophet, but he was also a counselor to kings. But Anna. Well, according to The New Testament, Luke 2:36, Anna was a prophetess who was quite elderly by the time she is mentioned. She had been married for seven years and then widowed for more than 80 years. She never remarried instead spending her time in the synagogue praying and fasting. She met Jesus when his mother brought him to the temple as a baby. As far as I have researched, she never had children.  That’s Anna. Everyone else, all of the other barren women mentioned in the Bible who were childless and cried out to God, got an answer of ‘yes’. Rachel, Hannah, Sarah. Young, old, somewhere in between; they got their child. Sarah had Jacob. Rachel had Joseph and Benjamin. Hannah had Samuel and five other children. Oh, by the way, the woman with the issue of blood, she may have had children before the issue. There is no mention of that, nothing came up in my research.  The question and the title of this episode is ‘Why doesn’t the church talk about childlessness?’ But my question is ‘Why didn’t God talk about childlessness?’ Childlessness as in the woman who never got the child? I have some ideas. Some of them may seem like cop-outs, but well, here goes:  First of all, I’m quite sure there were barren, aka childless women in that era. Childlessness is nothing new. I mean just biologically it would make sense, and remember, the women I mentioned earlier initially could not have children.      Remember, women were considered next to nothing if they were childless. OK, they were considered worthless if they had no children.  In fact, although Hannah’s husband loved her dearly, when he realized they weren’t having children he brought on a second wife. He had to have children to carry the family line. Today, in some parts of the world, women are still looked on with disdain if they cannot have children.    But listen to this: if a woman was wealthy enough, they could have a servant have a child for them. Which is what Sarah, Abraham’s wife, and Rachel--wife of Jacob, initially did. They had their maids sleep with their respective husbands and then raised the children their maids had as their own. Until in Sarah’s case, it was no longer convenient. Sarah’s maid had Ishmael, but then her maid began to forget her station in life, and Sarah wasn’t having any of that, she tried to have them--the maid and her son, her husband’s son, sent away. You can read the story. The link is in the show notes.  We now live in a society where although we run into the random person who does not understand our childlessness and the pain that can come with that childlessness, I believe the women in that time had it much harder than we do today. Yes, if we are childless and in some cases also husbandless, we have concerns about our elder years, we are the sole breadwinner for our households, people wonder what is wrong with us, really?  Back then, a woman’s son was her retirement plan. Basically, the more children she had, the better her elder years looked. But back to the question, why doesn’t the church talk about childlessness? Why wasn’t there a direct story in the Bible about a woman who never had children? Yes, there was Anna. But why wasn’t her childlessness confirmed or highlighted? Why wasn’t there a direct story about a woman like me? Like you, if you are listening as a childless not by choice woman?       Could it be that there are so many problematic layers to the human condition, and in this case the issues around childlessness, that the church, like society, just wants every aspect of our lives to fit into neat little boxes, and when an issue does not fit, well, better to look the other way, remain silent, highlight the miracle baby, and highlight the woman who has children. We all love the cute, cuddly little people right? So if you cannot have one, well…it’s not like the church does not address the other issues people come into the church with such as alcoholism, adultery, lack, even hate. But childlessness? Well, maybe you’re not praying correctly. Or back to what I said earlier, something is wrong with you, you are doing something wrong, you did something wrong.  In too few cases, the church talks about the true-life fact that God does not answer every prayer the way we want or ask. Some women will not marry? Some men will not marry. Some couples will not have children. Does that make us weird?  Does your church have a singles ministry for people to be normal in their singleness, without feeling like they are attending a meat market every time there is a singles event? Could we have a singles event where we can allow people to possibly meet their future spouse organically? Can we have conventions where we have a breakout session for childless couples, childless women, etc? Is it possible for the church to see us instead of looking the other way instead of treating us like unanswered prayers? I have hope.  We are living in a time of great change. And that great change is including the church whether the church likes it or not. I am hoping that change will allow for more inclusivity of those of us who tend to live on the fringes, in the cracks, you know, as in ‘we tend to fall into the cracks’. And then we pretend we’re OK but we know that on some level we are being judged. Judged that we did not get the spouse. Judged that we did not have the child. Judged because our family of one or if you did get the spouse, a family of two; doesn’t quite look ‘normal’.    Look, the fact is I don’t know why God didn’t mention the barren woman, but I do know that’s no excuse for the church not to mention her because there are other issues God did not go into great detail about, but the church has a definite opinion on how to deal with those issues.   I think the church may be having a tough time dealing with childlessness because there is a scripture that says ‘"And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth…"--Genesis 1:28. Most theologians take that to mean go and have tons of kids.  And hey, maybe so. But so time back I had a conversation with someone who said that in the case of childlessness, it could also mean for us to be fruitful in our work. Whatever work we are given to do.  Childlessness does not mean we do not have a calling on our lives. It does not mean that we should be forgotten, blamed, or ignored. It simply means that our hopes and dreams did not work out the way we expected and that God does not say yes to every prayer.          Articles, links, and all that good stuff:    There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, 37 and then was a widow until she was eighty-four.[a] She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.--Luke 2:36-37.       "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth."--Genesis 1:28     https://www.army.mil/article/85225/commentary_christians_have_duty_towards_others   https://www.vanguardngr.com/2020/06/my-battles-against-childlessness-ibidun-ituah-ighodalo/   https://answersingenesis.org/contradictions-in-the-bible/did-michal-have-children-or-not/   https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/2019/09/05/not-having-kids-is-nothing-new-what-centuries-history-tell-us-about-childlessness-today/ Special thank you to: To the wonderful ladies in the Facebook group. To the wonderful supporters in the Supporters group.  To the wonderful listeners all over the world. To those who have subscribed to the podcast.  To those who have subscribed to the newsletter, thank you for your patience.  To those who give financially on a monthly basis. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!    Also, remember, if you would like to be a guest blogger, remember to click the link on the bottom right of the home page of the childlessnotbychoice.net website for instructions.  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode --120! When I started this podcast I had no idea. I could just end that sentence right there. I mean, no idea what I was doing, no idea of the deep valley moments of lost episodes, ruined episodes, tears of frustration. And the mountaintop moments where I got the interview! The authors, the suggested episode topics from people listening from halfway around the world. The emails and Facebook Messenger messages from people who wanted to remain anonymous. The words of encouragement, the care package from a listener in Hawaii or funding for lavalier mics from a listener way in the northern part of our planet. I had no idea.   I had no idea I would make it to 120 episodes. Podfading is a real thing. It typically happens around episode 7.  You just realize this podcasting thing is not for you, or maybe life gets in the way. And you stop, promising yourself you will be back. But… And life did happen to me. As my mom became more ill, I went from two episodes per month to one. I’m on my third podcast producer in five years. I have decided that going forward I will take a two-month break in October and November. That saved my sanity last year.      I’m humbled. I’m thankful to you for listening and tuning in month after month. I’m thankful for your episode suggestions. I am thankful for your letters and notes as they encourage me just as much as you say this podcast encourages you. Every once in a while I still have imposter syndrome. But I push through and keep writing and creating. I mean, am I an imposter if I’ve been writing since I was 11 years old?  Maybe. But I love to write, I love to create with my writing.  And look, there’s a 120 episode just about five-year-old podcast here. I had no idea! Thank you! Now please tell someone about this podcast!     Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Here Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Stitcher Premium info: Your Success Dashboard: https://app.periscopedata.com/shared/cab7b213-4764-4c6a-acb1-6cda055b4c4d? Your Promo Code: NOTBYCHOICE Stitcher Premium Promo Copy: Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening to Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.   Body of episode content: Let’s talk about it. There is a pandemic going on, there is social unrest in America, we watched a man murdered on video in broad daylight, in 2020, solely because of the color of his skin. And here we are thinking it's the 21st century and we are more civilized.   Other countries marched in commiseration and agreement with us, that police brutality against people of color must stop. We saw you on the news, and we thank you, from New Zealand to South Korea, to Australia, to Scotland, to South Africa, to Canada. The Indigenous people of Australia, the Maori, The Native Americans, we see you. We are all human first. And if we are alive, if we made it through the birth canal, we deserve at the minimum, basic human respect.   There is social unrest in other countries, for various reasons. Wherever you are listening from there is probably some breaking news. There’s always breaking news.  And there is a lot of stress. Our own personal stresses. Bills, joblessness due to the pandemic or not, caring for loved ones, worrying about our personal future and the future of our respective countries.  Yes, we childless not by choice women have worries too. I have said it in previous episodes, we pay taxes into school districts to which we have no kids enrolled. That’s not a hater or hateful comment. It is a fact.  We have concerns. They may be different concerns than those with children, but they are just as valid.   Whew, talk about stress! What to do?!  Well, I talk about what to do in episode 118. How to keep the stress levels down, getting mental health help by talking to a trusted friend or counselor. And taking time for yourself. I talk about recognizing and dealing with triggers in episode 94. Be sure to check out both episodes, links are in the show notes.  Also in the show notes is a four-minute recording called ‘Privilege is like a Blanket’. Check it out!    So, in light of everything that is going on, and although I created that four-minute episode I mentioned about privilege being like a blanket, I want to go deeper.  Because I would bet all I have, that America is not the only country where racism exists.  And more to the point, it is not the only country where implicit bias and racism are built into every part of the human existence. From kindergarten to the nursing home, people of color have been and are being treated with implicit bias. I put a link in the show notes about a doctor, an educated man, who is also a lawmaker, asking if the virus is affecting people of color more because we’re not washing our hands. Yes, it’s 2020 and people with this filthy mindset are walking among us. It’s scary. This guy could have been my doctor. I’m not a mind reader. Discernment of his stupidity might be the only thing that might have saved me from continuing to go to him. So, if implicit bias exists in all aspects of our lives, even healthcare, what about the healthcare of childless not by choice women?  Aha! Great question.  Women who have been sterilized down through history: It's estimated that as many as 25-50 percent of Native American women were sterilized between 1970 and 1976. Forced sterilization programs are also a part of history in Puerto Rico, where sterilization rates are said to be the highest in the world. Google--Jan 29, 2016 Imagine going to the hospital for a common surgical procedure such as an appendectomy, only to find out afterward that you’d been sterilized. In the 20th century, untold numbers of women of color endured such life-altering experiences in part because of medical racism. Black, Native American, and Puerto Rican women report being sterilized without their consent after undergoing routine medical procedures or after giving birth. Others say they unknowingly signed documentation allowing them to be sterilized or were coerced into doing so. The experiences of these women strained relations between people of color and healthcare personnel. In the 21st century, members of communities of color still widely distrust medical officials. Women who have had surgeries they did not need, and yes this can happen to women of any race: An estimated 7.5 million unnecessary medical and surgical procedures are performed annually with the number of unnecessary hospital stays around 8.9 million a year...  --Google So, as we close out here, I wanted to remind you of a couple of things. If you are a member of the Childless not by choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group, we had a little get together in our Facebook group on Mother’s Day! And now we are planning on having another get together in July, but this time it will be in Zoom so that more of us can come on video. Facebook only allows two people at a time. That’s not a real party! So, there is a poll going in the group, be sure to choose the date that works for you. Majority wins. I will post the date and time in the group, and the Zoom link a few minutes before we start. Be sure to check out the show notes. I put links in there to the two episodes I discussed in this episode, and there’s a bunch of other stuff. Always check the show notes!    Articles of note: https://supchina.com/2020/06/09/the-troll-who-shamed-yang-liping-for-childlessness-condemns-online-abuse-after-controversy/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/bonus-episode-privilege-its-like-a-blanket/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-118-that-virus-sets-new-boundaries/   Articles used for this episode: https://www.americanbar.org/groups/crsj/publications/human_rights_magazine_home/the-state-of-healthcare-in-the-united-states/racial-disparities-in-health-care/ https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/11/us/politics/steve-huffman-african-americans-coronavirus.html https://www.thoughtco.com/u-s-governments-role-sterilizing-women-of-color-2834600 https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/11/health/virginia-doctor-hysterectomies-trnd/index.html https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/06/18/unnecessary-surgery-usa-today-investigation/2435009/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2019/11/11/an-obgyn-mutilated-women-with-unnecessary-hysterectomies-tube-ties-cleanouts-feds-say/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.   Until next time, Bye!  
As a Podcaster, fortunate to have a platform where I speak to and encourage the childless not by choice global community, I feel humbled and thankful. I could not continue on, however, without addressing the social and civil unrest, AND the rightful marches of protests that are currently happening in the United States where I live.  I am heartbroken to have had to see in 2020, a man murdered in broad daylight by the person who was supposed to protect and serve him. The first time I shed tears was the day his brother arrived at the site where he was murdered. My heart broke yet again. Every time I see his brother I cry. It could have been my family member.  It's the 21st Century, but for many people of color, it could be the 1960's, the 1860's, or earlier in human history where people of color were enslaved and dehumanized. Having a two-term black president did not seem to help much although it was much more than I thought I would see in my lifetime.  Yet here we go again. I recognize that I have listeners from around the world and that the laws of your country may be different than the laws of The United States of America. But I believe you will still understand the meaning of this four-minute recording I created in honor of Mr. George Lloyd and all of the people of color who have died, unarmed, at the hand of the law keepers of this land.  Thank you for listening. 
Mother’s Day 2020 Intro:Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 119!   Well, we have some things to talk about this Mother’s Day. But before we get into that... Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name Here I also wanted to share something with you: Wherever  -- or however -- you’re listening to this podcast right now, take a moment and check out Stitcher. Those of you listening on Stitcher already get why. For those who don’t know what Stitcher is, it is a FREE podcast app for iPhone and Android and home to over two hundred and sixty thousand podcasts. Stitcher also has smart recommendations, playlists, a car mode, even a sleep timer! While the Stitcher app is free to use, they also offer a Premium subscription service called Stitcher Premium that has exclusive bonus episodes from top shows, exclusive shows from top hosts, and ad-free listening all for only $4.99 per month or $34.99 per year. Check out Stitcher Premium today and remember to use Promo code NOTBYCHOICE.   Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. So...let me start by saying this, although it may sound like I am starting a conversation in the middle of a sentence...   Being kind to yourself alleviates the painful words and nonsense from family, friends and strangers. When you are kind to yourself, you like yourself.   You have to like you, sincerely like you, faults, and warts, and all. And when that happens, then you will get to the point where you love yourself. I’m not talking about a prideful, haughty, perfectionist like or love. I am talking about a self-respecting love despite faults and failures. You must know that no one is perfect, not even beautiful you.  We will all have faults and failures. The key is to know what they are. Look them in the eye and know them. Then make the decision every day not to allow them to define you.  When you do that, failures will happen, but much less often than if you pretended you were perfect and everyone else was at fault.  This is a great segue to point number three... We are all in different places in our cnbc journey in particular, and in our life journey in general. This means we cannot compare our journey to someone else’s. Look, there can be a group of childless not by choice women sitting chatting together, and one of the women in the group can be so deep in her grief she might be thinking to herself that another woman in the group doesn’t seem so dissatisfied with her life. This woman probably did not want kids to begin with.  And nothing could be further from the truth. It just so happens that this sincerely happy woman is at a place in her life where she has achieved acceptance. See what I did there? The key word is achieved. It takes work to reach acceptance. And even after acceptance has been achieved, she may still have moments that last a few seconds or a few minutes where she feels a tug, a whisper, of what might have been.    Grief, you know? It doesn’t completely disappear, it blends into the fabric of who we are, our experiences. It doesn’t get erased, forgotten, or ignored.  So, when the insensitivities come, and they will, they will be met with, if not now, at some point on your journey, proper boundaries of self-respect and self-love. Such healthy boundaries will allow us to deal with insensitivity year-round, but especially on Mother’s Day.   Well, I could not end this bittersweet Mother’s Day without wishing my own mommy a Happy Mother’s Day. My heart is still broken into a million pieces. May 6th will be a year, but it feels like just yesterday that she left this earth where she was bound by constant pain. I miss her more than words can say. And my subconscious knows it because the closer we get to May 6th, 2020, the more my heartaches. The more I feel the tears coursing down my face out of nowhere.  It’s amazing how little the world cares about your loss, and how much that small circle of friends does. I am so thankful for the wonderful women who have rallied around me.  They know who they are. The wonderful women who are physically nearby, and the wonderful admins in our childless not by choice group who have their own lives to deal with, but still tend to our Facebook group. Thank you to all of you for checking in, for praying, for kind words, for community.  Whether you are a mother or not, you have the heart of a mother, and no one can take that away from you. Episode takeaways:   ‘The closer we get to May 6th 2020, the more the tears course down my face out of nowhere.’   ‘Thank you to all of you for checking in, for your kind words, for community.’   ‘Mother’s Day is not easy for so many reasons.’   ‘I don’t like to say things like ‘she’s in a better place...I’d rather say she’s in a place where there is no pain.’   ‘As a Believer, I know she is in Heaven, and I know Heaven is a much better place than this earth, but I prefer to say she is in a place where there is no pain.’     ‘Whether you are a mother or not, you have the heart of a mother, and no one can take that away from you. Happy Mother’s Day.’    ‘You’re where you’re supposed to be.’   Special thank you to: Stitcher Premium. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 118! What is today’s show? How CoronaVirus sets new boundaries. Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name HereQuestions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   CoronaVirus sets new boundaries!   If you have been a part of our CNBC family for any time, you know how much I discuss and completely believe in the importance of boundaries because I believe proper boundaries promote positive mental health. When we allow others-family, friends, co-workers, etc, to cross boundaries by guilting us into running errands because we do not have children. When we allow them to speak to us in a negative way. And when we allow people to continually push us into acquiescing to a decision we did not originally want to make because they think our voice is unimportant, we are allowing them to cross boundaries and normalize disrespect. Make sure that you have set kind but firm boundaries in every aspect of your life. Setting boundaries takes time and patience--with yourself and with others. Be nice, keep trying, and know it will be worth it! Speaking of boundaries, how does Covid 19 affect those of us who are childless not by choice?     Family interactions--stay in place, stay at home, but suppose you have elderly family members who need help, it can seem overwhelming, confusing, and crazy.   Family looks different to the childless not by choice person--as childless not by choice people, sometimes we have fewer people to interact with anyway.    We may not have children of our own, but for many of us, there are children or young people in our lives that we care about immensely. We care about how they are doing, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. We want them to be OK. Isn’t that beautiful? We still get to share ourselves, just not in the way we expected we would. Now that many of us are ‘staying in place’, that gives us more time to get in contact, at a safe distance, with those same young people or elderly people in our lives. Do it! We will probably never have this amount of time again.    When we are young we feel like we will live forever, but we need to follow the CDC guidelines. Many people outside of the at-risk demographic are now getting sick and even dying. Follow the guidelines. Stay home as much as you can, only going out if you absolutely need to. I know it’s not easy, but that six feet of social distancing can save your life. There is a ton of information out there and I know we are on information overload right now, but I am putting a link to a great article from All Recipes in the show notes. You may ask what does a recipe have to do with fighting the CoronaVirus, but trust me, I really like the way the article was written, and how informative it was. And I LOVE All Recipes. And no, they are not paying me to mention them here. But not only do I like the fact that they post real-life, doable recipes, but they also respond when you post a comment on Facebook! They really do exist! LOL.    Consider those in our families who are at risk or the person who has pre-existing conditions. As I mentioned earlier, consider the safety of those around you who are elderly, and/or at risk. And remember, we may not always know who is at risk. There are many young and younger people out there who have unseen conditions. Let’s just consider each other as we go about our day, even if we are staying in place. And I would be remiss if I did not mention that on top of dealing with the overwhelming situation we find ourselves in as a world, some of us are also caregivers. We are supposed to be six feet apart at all times, social distancing; but we are also caring for an elderly parent or other family members. How are we supposed to do that? It’s not easy. But the best we can do is the best we can do! By the way, where we can, we should help our elderly or at-risk neighbors who may not have family members to help them. If we can’t help directly, we can help by donating time to an elder care center or even donating food to a food bank. There are a lot of people who have lost jobs and income, a lot of elderly who have lost support because their support has been furloughed or laid off. What is happening in our world right now is truly a major domino effect.   Get the mental health help you need. This is so important I wanted to discuss it last, just before we end our time together. We were already battling the emotions that come with the loss of the ability to have a child, to have the family we envisioned. We were dealing with decisions we would have to make about every day, now probably innocuous events. We were dealing with life the way we were learning to deal with it as childless women and men, and then on top of that, a pandemic hits everyone. And we all know that everyone deals with these types of events in different ways. In addition to handling stress in different ways, people’s true colors begin to come out, the scam artists come out in full force to take advantage of people. There are layers and layers of things happening that cause such stress. Some people have just suffered major losses and now have to deal with this temporary new normal. If you are feeling overwhelmed please, please seek help. Speak to a trusted friend or a professional; someone who can speak with you objectively. Many major corporations offer therapy assistance through their EAP’s--employee assistance programs. Please do not be afraid to ask for help. I had to get help twice in my life: once after my hysterectomy. And then more recently when my mom passed. In fact, I am writing the content for this episode the day after her official birthday, and on the day we celebrated it. My mom always said that her mother said she was born on the 29th of March, but the hospital put the 30th on her birth certificate. They never changed it, so we celebrated on the 30th. It has been 10 months since she passed and I miss her so much sometimes I can hardly take it. She was in pain for many years, and now she is not. Now I must continue on with life, with my new normal. And then a global pandemic. It can be more than overwhelming. Seek assistance. Don’t be afraid. Please check out the links I’ve put in the show notes.         Resources: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/category/resources/ https://www.allrecipes.com/syndication/how-to-keep-the-coronavirus-from-coming-home-with-you/?utm_term=63B9DA34-72DE-11EA-A79B-162A50017A06&utm_campaign=allrecipes_allrecipes&utm_content=internalsyndication_coronavirus_parents&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&fbclid=IwAR0SJmroD0wliQnNl6u_5YqFIfgFWc5Ehky3o93CP91du-eZUe9zTZ6HCj4   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Childless not by Choice Podcast, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I also welcome you even if you do not fit the demographic. Maybe you did not want children, maybe you have children. Thanks for tuning in.  Welcome to episode 117! Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my patrons for their monthly financial contributions to the platform. If you would like to join the Patreon family of monthly contributors, visit patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, and set up your monthly contribution for as little as $5.00 per month! No matter your giving level, I have a gift for you!   And if you prefer to give a one time gift via PayPal, you can find me there at booksbycivillamorgan@gmail.com. Either way, your contributions to the platform are greatly appreciated! Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Your Name HereQuestions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Episode content: It’s not just about being childless not by choice. It’s not, dare I say, that simple. There is so much more to it.  Episodes mentioned in the podcast: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-89-unexplained-infertility-aka-idiopathic-infertility/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/ From the Shop page: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/   Articles of interest: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/202001/people-who-never-have-children-21-facts-500-years My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.  Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.  
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 116! And welcome to February! I hope you have taken a moment and gone to the Shop page of the website for your link to Blueprints for your goals and visions.  This blueprint will walk you through your goals and visions for the entire year. And the best part is you can use the same blueprint every year!   https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/  It is a great way to get your new year off to a great start! The link is in the show notes.  Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: civilla@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail.   Well, we have a guest today!  On today’s show, we have...  an award-winning podcaster who has been podcasting since April 2005! He has been helping people understand technology for over 20 years, he launched the School of Podcasting in 2005, and he has helped hundreds of people launch podcasts. He has recorded hundreds of episodes maybe even thousands of his own!  He is literally one of the OG’s of podcasting, and he is in the Podcasting Hall of Fame! Dave Jackson, welcome to the show! Questions: How many podcasts total?  ‘School of Podcasting’ and ‘Ask the podcast coach’ building a better dave’  Congratulations on all of the accolades, accomplishments, and success in the world of podcasting! And you have a teaching degree correct? What grade level did you teach? How have you decided to deal with the parts of life that did not work out the way you expected?  But there can tend to feel like something is missing unless you have come to terms? Life not turning out as expected causes one to have empathy for others on life’s journey? faith Do you think that getting to teach, whether children or would be podcasters, is the salve to your heart and to your life? Could you leave us with a word of encouragement? Where can we find you online? How to find Dave Jackson online: https://powerofpodcasting.com/ Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my Patreon contributors Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you!  My Patrons:  Jordan Morgan The Knights Articles of interest: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/nov/17/male-childlessness-not-reproducing-what-am-i https://www.abc.net.au/life/childfree-men-on-leaving-behind-a-legacy-and-other-pressures/11274052 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DKJOAmzXP4   Click here for help with creating your goals and visions:    https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.  Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 115 Welcome to the first episode of 2020!  What is today’s show about? Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my Patreon contributor Ivy Calhoun for her monthly financial contribution to the platform. Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: civilla@civillamorgan.com                                                Or  Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Intro: Krista Cooper PhD, LLMSW is a native of Hartford, CT, of Jamaican heritage.  she attended Oakwood College in Huntsville, Alabama where her love of languages and the written word resulted in a change of major from Pre-Med to English and Spanish. While at Oakwood, she also studied for a year at Colegio Adventista de Sagunto, Spain.  After obtaining her Bachelor of Arts degrees in English and Spanish, Dr. Cooper obtained her Master of Social Work from the University of Michigan.  After graduation, she worked as an Intake and Assessment Social Worker in the Children and Families Division as well as working as a Substance Misuse social worker in the United Kingdom. Other areas of work experience include geriatric populations and mental health work with children and adults.   In 2012, prior to the completion of her doctoral studies, Dr. Cooper accepted an Assistant Professor of Social Work position at Andrews University. While there and completing her dissertation, she began experiencing several health and life challenges related to uterine fibroids. This sparked an interest in exploring in more depth the experiences of women living with reproductive health challenges.  Upon completion of her doctoral studies in 2014, and her own subsequent healing process, Dr. Cooper applied for a grant that would allow her to explore the aforementioned area. She was granted funding for research entitled, ‘Identity and Experience: The Lives of Women Living with Symptomatic Uterine Fibroids.’ Results from the study and its focus on individual story prompted her to start Reproductively Yours LLC which focuses on reducing the stigma associated with women’s reproductive narratives through education, story work, creativity and community building. Her greatest desire is for women that currently live or have lived with reproductive health challenges to know that they are not alone.   Welcome to the show Dr. Cooper!   So you finally gave in to the prompting you felt in your heart, to start your business, what are your dreams for this business? What types of people are you hoping to help? Where do you see your business, your platform, by the end of 2020?   *The cost of IVF is around $10k for each cycle, was that a prompt for you to start your company correct? Faith and childlessness Christian community Nutrition and self-care Understanding who I am and who God created me to be Reproductive health challenges and reproductive health trauma: Reproductively Yours. I was intrigued by the list of people and issues you wanted to or have researched.  Researches reproductive issues-- Afro Caribbean women living with HIV Being a woman Being an immigrant Being a black female immigrant  Majority of women she interviews are Jamaican or Trinidadian Do these subject matters, issues all tie together? How?   So, let’s talk about something we and many of our listeners know so much about, fibroids.    We talked about our horrific experiences with fibroids, being in the car or out and having accidents, iron so low it was difficult for you to breathe, needing to have IV iron all dealing with this with no family around nearby, no real support system, then finding out after graduating college that early menopause had set in...  Getting to be able to speak with other women who were going through the same things with fibroids, hysterectomy.  So you got a grant through your college to research women who are dealing with these issues.    During your research, qualitative research, you realized you were also researching yourself!  She was having difficulties, feeling tired and worn out, and realized it was because the content was so close to home, she ended up allowing a friend to interview her and that was when everything started to fall into place.  She read a quote that says ‘ the best research is research where the results lead back to yourself.’--Basal Vander Kolk.    5) Working on writing a paper that includes the arts.   Tell us more about the paper you are looking to write which will include another type of media: art. 6)  Did we miss anything? Tell the world!   Mentioned in the podcast: https://www.besselvanderkolk.net/index.html My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life! Welcome to episode 114!  Happy December! This episode is brought to you by the ‘Your Blueprint for your Goals and Visions’ program which can be found on the shop page of our website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, It is literally a template, a blueprint that I created after years of researching how successful people plan for the new year. It’s simple. For a small investment in yourself this new year, download the template, fill in the blanks, and follow your decisions monthly, quarterly, bi-annually, and annually. The sooner you download the template, the sooner you can get a jump on the new year.  You have the freedom to tweak and change what you want in the template, but the key is to work with the template throughout the year, allowing it to help you.  You get to witness your own mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical growth! Place your order on the website and get to work on you!    Patreon Contributors: I would like to thank my Patreon contributors. Remember, you may contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you may go to the website and click on the donate button.  Your monthly contributions via Patreon or your one-time donations are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan The Knights Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                                Or Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. It’s December! We are now smack dab in the middle of the Holiday Season, and 2019 is coming to a close! It’s been a tough year for many of us. I know some of us are ready to see it go bye-bye! If you are in the United States or you are an ex-pat, we celebrated Thanksgiving last month. I hope you had a wonderful family get together. And if you kept your own company, that’s great too. You know we introverts love our own company!  So, there are a lot of changes taking place. I am finding that losing a parent changes you to the core. From big things to little things.  The stages of grief are real. They are real no matter what or whom we grieve.  Remember, if you are grieving any type of loss, the holidays can tend to exacerbate those feelings. Here are just some of the things you can do to take the edge off whether you are navigating being childless during the holidays, or grieving the loss of a loved one:   Seek therapy, and try to do so well before the Holidays so you get a head start on the feelings and emotions the Holidays can manifest.  But either way, it is never too late to strengthen your mental health. Speak to a trusted friend or religious leader. Talking to a good listener is a great release.  Take a bubble bath and take a good book to read or listen to. Or take Netflix, Amazon Prime, or your favorite TV app and watch a great movie!  Don’t forget the Epsom salts and lavender!  Go for a walk along your favorite lakefront, street, or neighborhood.  Sit at the coffee shop with a good beverage and a nice book.  The key is to do these things right in the middle of the holidays.  Don’t worry about being judged because you will probably be judged anyway.  If you need to talk, be sure to join the Facebook group, Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan.  I will be in the Facebook group throughout the season. And of course, the other admins will be in there as well. Also, the other ladies in the group are quite friendly and responsive. If you are feeling alone, come over to the group. There will always be someone there to talk to.        Well, hopefully, you were not looking for October and November episodes. I took a much needed two-month hiatus. This just meant I used that time to work on this episode, content for 2020 episodes, work on my new limited-edition podcast, and the list goes on.  Yet, I appreciated the break. Thanks for understanding. In fact, I have decided that going forward, I will be taking October and November off. Sometimes it takes an overwhelming loss, and being overwhelmingly tired, to make a change you did not ever think you would. And those changes turn out to be just what was needed.  In fact, some podcasters operate in seasons, like a television show. I never wanted to do that. Maybe it was FOMO--fear of missing out. Maybe I felt like I did not have enough episodes in the library. Maybe I was competing with myself. At any rate, it was just such a great break! I will be taking October and November off each year, moving forward.   About the blog! It has been many months since I last blogged.  I did not realize how much I missed it! I will put a link in the show notes to my most recent blog, but I want to read a portion of it here if you don’t mind:          ‘Unfortunately, some people do not know how to either let kids be kids or move to another location, so they verbalize their aggravation, and that of course, can make most parents upset.  I believe even childless people know that children need room to grow physically, mentally, and emotionally.  If someone says something mean to a mother about her child, it still should not be assumed that person does not and should not have children. If that is the thought process, who is being mean now?      Look, I believe the reason society continues to propagate that mothers are more important than childless women is due to the innate need for humans to perpetuate the species. This means we will continue to hear mean spirited thoughts and belief systems spilling out of people’s mouths. They may not mean to be mean, in every instance. But the fact is, society tends to believe that once a woman has a child she is elevated to a special place, while childless women remain low on the totem pole. We are seen as society’s packing peanuts.’  Be sure to click the link in the show notes to read ‘the rest of the story!  So, here’s the thing, we are heading into another year!  2020! What would you like to peel off of your life and toss into the garbage this year? You probably have not quite thought about it that way have you? But we are all works in progress. At least we should be. There is no perfect, or completely ‘done’ human. We all have triggers, we all have doubts, we all have fears, we all have hopes and dreams. You may be thinking you are too old to dream. Or maybe you think it is too late for the dreams and plans you had.  But may I remind you that you can change your dreams. Not because you are wishy-washy, but because life has twists and turns. We can either work on navigating the twists and turns or stay stuck on what did not happen for us. Let’s not stay stuck there. Life is too short. Look, I have the same ups and downs you do. There are times, especially during the Holidays that I am surrounded by people I love, but I am lonely as all get out. And please, no attempts to set me up. I’m not interested. I am trying to make a point. We ALL have ups and downs. And I know this because we are all human, and the ups and downs are a part of the human condition. It is how we manage our ups and downs and not allowing life’s circumstances to manage us, which makes the difference. We have to practice recognizing triggers, recognizing when those negative feelings are coming for a visit, and turning them away at the door. We turn the negative feelings and triggers away at the door with the list of things I mentioned above, bubble baths, walks, talking to a trusted friend, seeing a therapist.  And knowing our strengths and weaknesses. Knowing whether or not we can go to a baby shower or to a children’s birthday party. The choice is all yours! If you never got the chance to listen, I will put a link to the episode on triggers in the show notes. Please listen to it. We all have triggers and the whole world will not know what triggers you. But when YOU know what triggers you, you will know how to manage those triggers so that you do not explode on those around you.  Look, we don’t want or need people to walk on eggshells around us. The goal is for us to get along without being made to feel less than by others or by ourselves.  So I am asking you, What changes would you like to make about you, for you, in 2020?           Thanks for tuning in today! Don’t forget to visit the Tee Public online merchandise store. There you will find content: t-shirts, hoodies, laptop cases, mugs, etc.with the Childless not by Choice logo! Every purchase means a contribution to the Childless not by Choice platform. Thank you!    Well, thanks for tuning in. See you next year! Bye!  Articles of interest: https://www.getreligion.org/getreligion/2019/11/29/big-think-story-what-does-religion-have-to-do-with-slumping-global-birth-rates https://yle.fi/uutiset/osasto/news/childlessness_trend_continues_in_finland/11082035   Advertisements and mentions:  https://www.bullhorn.fm/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/product/2019-blueprint-for-your-goals-and-visions/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/beware-here-comes-the-holidays/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/triggers-how-to-recognize-them-face-them-and-deal-with-them/
Hello there, it’s me, Civilla! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. So, here’s the thing: I am in search of new music. I’ve been thinking of writing something myself, or just search for something to buy. Not sure yet, but for now, no music on the intro or outro. I guess you are witnessing a transformation right here on the platform huh? Wherever the music comes from, I will know it when I hear it.  Well, welcome to episode 113!    ‘eclectic, encouraging, engaging!'   We have a lot to talk about today, so let’s get started!    Today’s show is about:     How are you doing wherever you are on your journey? Units Bullhorn The 10 silly things people say when you lose a loved one...and the things that could be said. In a different place now after losing my mother.   Remember to go to Apple podcast to rate and review this podcast. Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my Patreon contributors for their monthly financial contribution to the platform. Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via that Donate button, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you!   https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Sandra Carzado Your Name Here Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: civilla@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Bullhorn-https://bullhorn.fm/   The short conversation I had with the Bullhorn representative at Podcast Movement was eye-opening! My takeaway was that anyone anywhere in the world can listen regardless of access to bandwidth or not. Because you don’t need bandwidth! What!? My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.   Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!
Intro: Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.  Welcome to episode 112!  Well, I am recording this episode from Podcast Movement 2019, Orlando, FL.  I have been having a great time, learning quite a bit, as usual; and looking forward to implementing a lot of what I have learned.  A great big thank you to Talk Shoe for providing the opportunity to record live, (mention the microphone being used). TalkShoe is a community-building podcast platform that offers storage, streaming, global call-in capabilities, and state-of-the-art tools you need to get noticed online.  Thank you Talkshoe and Retro Voice EV microphones!  Questions or comments? Contact me at:   Email: Info@civillamorgan.com or civilla@civillamorgan.com                                                  Or   Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds! Sub intro: Well,  here is the episode I’ve been working on, replete with info from the poll I took within our platform. I really felt like I had read or heard somewhere that most childless not by choice adult children end up becoming caregivers for their parents, but when I went searching for the information I could not find it. I engaged the members of the childless not by choice Facebook group, my local research librarian, and even another Facebook group that I belong to. Everyone seemed to have heard it said, but we just could not find it. A great big thank you to everyone in the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan and Childless not by Choice Supporters with Civilla Morgan Facebook group for responding to the poll. You helped me immensely. A great big thank you also to the group of childless women who maintain help other childless women!    Before we continue, I would like to thank my Patrons! Patreon: These are the people who contribute to the platform financially every month via the Patreon platform. If you go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, the Patreon link can now be found on the website. Click on it, it will take you to the patreon website,  and there you may choose the level of contribution that you would like to make on a monthly basis. Anywhere from $5.00 on up. Your contribution pays the website manager, the podcast producer, the podcast host, and the general maintenance of the platform. A great big Thank you to my patrons, you are appreciated!  Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Sandra Carzado Your Name Here    Magnum Opus:   So, here are the poll results from within the Facebook groups: There were two initial questions, and then a third one was added by one of the group members. And I appreciate that because of course, it helped to better quantify the original questions:   Have you cared for an elderly parent or family member in the past? yes=39% Are you currently caring for an elderly parent or family member?=25% Never cared for an elderly parent or family member.=36%    Here are the responses based on a total number of respondents:  Question 1= Have you cared for an elderly parent/family member in the past?=17  (39%) Question 2= Currently caring for an elderly parent or family member?=12 (27%)  Question 3= No= 16 (36%)=   Remember in episode 111 I said I would not be surprised by the response?  I still wish I could find whatever it was I had read on this subject though. If you have read or heard that most or many childless not by choice women and men are caregivers for their parents or another family member, please let me know along with the citation. It would be greatly appreciated. Knowing my brain, I will be subconsciously searching until I find it!    So, I came to Podcast Movement 2019 thinking I would be back for a second year of meeting new people, possibly getting some new people to interview or being interviewed. But a funny thing happens when you make plans: those plans get turned on their ear! What happened, and is happening, is I am now feeling a pivot. I have no idea what that pivot will be, but I feel just as we would feel the wind blowing, that it is time for change. Last year I mentioned going to the next level. And I talked about ‘the next level’ again this year, until the first day of this year’s event. Something has changed and I honestly do not know what it is yet. I am being encouraged by a new friend I met at the convention, to remain open and it will come to me. So I am doing just that.  I have had conversations at this event that I have not had in the past. I started the process a month or so ago, for something that will strengthen the reputation of the platform. When the process is complete I will let you know!   So, in the last couple of episodes and in this one, the discussion has been on grieving. I have been transparent about my loss, (episode 110), talked about how the brain handles grief, (episode 111), and I was hoping to close out the three episodes with an interview. But it did not work out that way. This episode will be the third for this series on loss and grief. If I am able to finally obtain an interview I will let you know where that interview can be found.     As we continue on with our subject matter here on the podcast, I will continue to take suggestions in the background, from those who have gone down this path before me: to lean into the grief, to feel all five of those stages of grief, and to allow myself to cry in front of others if that is when the tears come. And to take grief counseling.  I am doing all of the above.   Well in the first link below under ‘Links used for this article,' There is an eye-opening article on the NCBI--National Center for Biotechnology Information website. The title of the article is ‘Bereavement after Caregiving’.  In this article, they discuss ‘Caregivers at risk for poor bereavement outcomes’ and ‘Diagnosis and treatment of complicated grief’, amongst other issues. One thing that stood out to me in the article was that complicated grief could include a form of PTSD--post-traumatic stress disorder.  This article is worth the read if you are dealing with loss that may include as they call it, ‘complicated grief’.   They not only provide the symptoms of complicated grief, but they discuss how to deal with it, and who is most susceptible. There was a surprise in that portion of the article. I will let you read it and see if you see it. I will say this to give you a hint: I believe how people deal with grief and grieving can be cultural. I did not say one culture deals correctly or incorrectly with grief, I am simply saying the differences can be cultural.  And yet within each culture grief can be exhibited differently by personality and upbringing. In fact, I had a wonderful conversation with a lady here at PM19 who lost her mom a year ago. She was telling me that in her culture people talk about their loss openly. But we both came to the conclusion that Western culture seems to look the other way out of fear of hurting the person who is grieving.   Lest I go down a rabbit hole, I will leave this here and continue on.  It’s a short but very deep read. I hope you check out the article.     Be sure to also check out the links under Links used for this episode, and the episodes mentioned in this episode.’  The show notes are there just for you! Articles you might find interesting: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/11/08/adult-caregiving-often-seen-as-very-meaningful-by-those-who-do-it/   https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322403630_Childlessness_and_upward_intergenerational_support_cross-national_evidence_from_11_European_countries   https://rtd.rt.com/stories/childfree-movement-birth-rate-voluntary-childlessness/   https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2017/ptsd-trauma-caregiver-support-fd.html Links used for this episode: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2790185/ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0091743506001629 (leisure-time exercise for caregivers v. non-caregivers) https://www.webmd.com/palliative-care/caregiver-grief-and-bereavement#1 https://www.caregiver.org/caregiver-statistics-demographics https://www.statista.com/statistics/241535/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-age/ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322403630_Childlessness_and_upward_intergenerational_support_cross-national_evidence_from_11_European_countries Episodes mentioned in this episode and suggested episodes: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-101-ivf-versus-ptsd/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-110-tribute-to-my-mother/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-111-our-brains-are-simply-amazing/ Closing: Thank you for tuning in today. Remember, if you find value in this podcast, stop by Apple Podcast, formerly known as iTunes, and leave me a review. Reviews, um five-star reviews, help draw attention to a podcast. I believe drawing attention helps to get the word out and I am all about making sure childless not by choice women and men know they are not alone in their journey. So help me get the word out!  My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.    Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
Intro: Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.  Welcome to episode 111!  Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: Info@civillamorgan.com or civilla@civillamorgan.com                                                Or  Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds! Episode intro: Well, thanks to everyone who took a moment to extend their condolences on the passing of my beautiful mommy. It is greatly appreciated. At the time of this recording, it has been just about two months. Needless to say, I continue to take it one day at a time. Sometimes one moment at the time. I will not rush myself to get to a place, whatever that place is. I’ve actually heard people marvel at others who are ‘still not over it’, on the loss of a parent or family member. I have heard some very silly things from people upon the passing of my mother. And I hear from others who have traveled the path of deep loss, that it happens. I opt to say nothing and push the conversation along to another subject, or to an end. That goes for family, friends, and strangers. And hey, while I am being transparent, I am signing up for grief assistance, just waiting for the sign-up date. So as usual, let me also remind you that if you are dealing with any type of grief, or maybe you have not dealt with grief in your life, please do so. Good counseling is a great mental health strengthener.  And just like your physical health, if you don’t click with the first therapist, counselor, etc, try another one. Please, don’t be afraid to protect and strengthen your mental health. And of course, do not be afraid to maintain proper boundaries in all of your relationships.  You know We all grieve in different ways. Some people grieve inwardly, some grieve outwardly. Let’s allow everyone to process in their way. The reason I say this is because it is easy for us to say ‘hey, I don’t think that person is as sad about their loss as they should be’. We don’t know that. And no one should have to prove that they are grieving. I’m kinda going off on a tangent, but I really want to get this thought out there.  And this goes for those who are grieving the loss of a child or the ability to have a child as well as those of us grieving the loss of a parent. Let’s just allow each other to grieve the way we grieve individually, to seek counseling if we need to, and know that with major loss may sometimes come major changes. It may look sudden on the outside looking in, but in my opinion, I believe the changes may have been considered for quite sometime after the loss.   The professionals say not to make any major life changes for six months to one year after a major loss. And I agree with that because our brains are completely scrambled with grief.  See the great article in the show notes on how scrambled our brains can become. So in my humble opinion, steer clear of anyone who tries to get you to make major decisions during that time frame.                Well, I would like to thank my Patrons. These are the people who contribute to the platform financially every month via the Patreon platform. If you go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, the Patreon link is right there on the website. Click on it, it will take you to the Patreon website,  and there you may choose the level of contribution that you would like to make on a monthly basis. Your contribution pays the website manager, the podcast producer, the podcast host, and the general maintenance of the platform. A great big Thank you to my patrons, you are appreciated!    Patreon Contributors:   Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Sandra Carzado Your Name Here Magnum Opus: So here’s the thing, I am totally continuing to toss and turn and buffet in this new reality, this new normal that is taking place whether I like it or not; of living without the person who was my anchor for my entire life, even as I continue to care for my other rock, my dad.  It occurred to me that I should do some research on an entire group of people who exist within the childless not by choice demographic. This is not to snub those who are not childless not by choice; because I believe whether you have children and or a husband or not, caregiving is indeed a superpower.  And yes, if you are sandwiched between caring for your own family and for your parents, you do indeed have a lot on your plate. But those who are single and or childless in many cases have put their lives on hold to become a caregiver. There is give and take in all aspects. And yes, choices have been made regardless of the demographic to which we belong.      Also, allow me to be clear before I continue: I am not putting myself or any caregiver on a pedestal. We are just as human as the next human. I know because we get tired, we get frustrated, we cry, we beg for help, we oversleep, we undersleep, we can become argumentative with the medical community and with our own family members, or we can withdraw. I’ve done both.  All the things that are part of being human. But here’s the thing, we--all caregivers--do it while maintaining our own lives. That my friends is the difference. And lest you think I am trying to make anyone feel guilty, not everyone can do this.  BUT, if you cannot, you can help when the primary caregiver asks for it, and even if they do not. How? You can send them away for a few days of respite. You can pay a copay here and there for the person being cared for. You can ask the caregiver what they need personally and or practically.  If you know someone who is currently in a caregiver role, please do not hesitate to ask them how you can help. Some people have a very hard time asking for help. Some think it should be quite evident they need help. We all have our own personalities through which we see and deal with the world.    Let me also say that the premise of this podcast has not changed. I created this podcast to speak to the hearts and minds of the childless not by choice demographic--men and women--globally.  In fact, over the past year or so I have been thinking of creating a new podcast with a totally different subject matter. And it may happen in the future. But for now, I want to continue this podcast on its natural progression, and right now that natural progression includes the fact that loss, not just the loss of the ability to have children, but the loss of a loved one is part of our journey. It is a part of real life, as I know you well know.   Right now real life for me is that I am grieving. And I do not think it is right to continue on my journey of encouraging and creating awareness,   pretending all is well.  I am physically back to my regular activities, and I am back to work, and I continue to care for my dear dad. But inside, my heart hurts, it is broken into a million pieces. I will not rush it along. I will encourage it to continue on the journey of life and to be encouraged, but I will allow it to heal at its own pace. Indeed, my heart is thankful to those who encourage it to do just that.   And yet, because of my empathetic nature, I am thinking of you. Dare I say, at the risk of sounding self-absorbed, I love that about me. You see, I can’t be the only childless and or husbandless woman, or man for that matter,  who took care and is taking care of a parent or loved one. So I went searching for the statistics to bear out my thoughts. And as I did my research I would stop from time to time to listen to one of my favorite podcasts.  As I listened to one of the hosts read a quote from one of the characters in the story they were discussing, from a man who basically called those of us who never married or had children, the neuters of nature. That, of course, was quite harsh, but there are a lot of harsh people in the world. That has been the case from day one. I believe people who present with harshness and or criticism have other things going on. Maybe they have unresolved issues in their own lives. Or maybe they never really had to deal with tragedy so the only thing they can do is judge. I really don’t know. But what I will say is that we must not allow other people to project onto us what is theirs to deal with. I believe we can be empathetic without allowing projection and blurred boundaries. What do you think?     Regardless, there is a demographic within our demographic, that is doing the right thing for all the right reasons, all while knowing this was not quite what they had planned for their lives. Many have put their entire lives on hold to do the right thing, to know that if for nothing else, they want to live what I call a #regretfreelife. I want when I get to be my parents' age, God willing, that when I sit in my rocking chair and think back, that I did the best I could to take care of them AND, a big AND, to take care of myself. Because a big part of being a caregiver is self-care. If you don’t take care of yourself you will not be able to properly take care of the person or people you are caring for.  For me, that means a bubble bath now and then, a beach trip once in a while, or just sitting at Starbucks with my laptop and a beverage every so often.   The fact is though, caregivers who are grieving the loss of their loved one started grieving long before the loved one left this world. We grieved how we saw the loved one battling their illness, going down hill health wise, needing more assistance. We are grieving wondering what more we could have done. Wondering if we missed something. And then when the person passes, we have to grieve that they are gone. Whole families can be grieving the same person and the grief will be done in different ways, indeed based on whether or not one was the caregiver. So, as I set off on my research, I posted a poll on my Facebook groups asking if as a childless not by choice person you have cared for or are caring for an elderly parent or family member. The response to that poll will be in episode 112, along with some additional interesting information I found as I conducted my research.  Regarding the poll, let’s just say that so far I am not surprised by the response. I hope you will tune into episode 112 so we can review the findings together.  Meanwhile, I’ve posted an article here in the show notes under ‘Articles you might find interesting’, that I have read several times. It is a great article for anyone who is grieving.  I think you will find it fascinating even if you are not currently in grief mode. Our brains are simply amazing! I hope you will check it out! By the way, I am also working on episode 113. I have been researching like crazy, and actually have reached out to the CDC--centers for disease control, The United States Census Bureau, and The National Center for Health Statistics. I have had to send clarifying responses, and am still waiting to hear back. But more on that later.  ***Articles you might find interesting: https://barbarafane.com/grief-symptoms-how-grief-affects-the-brain/#.XR62mOhKjIU Closing: Thank you for tuning in today. Remember, stop by Apple Podcast, formerly known as iTunes, and leave me a review. Reviews, um five-star reviews, help draw attention to a podcast. I believe bringing attention helps get the word out and I am all about making sure childless not by choice women and men know they are not alone in their journey. So help me get the word out globally!  If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com or civilla@civillamorgan.com for details.  Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button and whenever there is a new episode it will drop into your podcast player app of choice. It’s that easy!  Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye!   My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’   ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
Intro: Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 110! Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: Info@civillamorgan.com                                               Or  Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds! Well, this is a special episode. I will do my very best to get through it without breaking down. You may wonder why I’m doing this while everything is so fresh, so raw, but I believe now is the time. I need to do this to move on. Bear with me.  So, here’s the thing: I got my first real job when I was 14 years old. It was a summer job helping build the set for a play that would be performed that summer by members of our community, including my school’s swim class teacher. The play was called Guys and Dolls. I could not begin to tell you much about the job or the summer, but I will always remember the tune to the title song of the play. I have found myself humming it from time to time over the years.   But I also remember one incident. My swimming teacher was apparently also a set designer. She was painting backdrops and I was positioning the backdrops. The only thing I remember her saying to me that summer was ‘ did you tell your parents?’ I responded ‘no.’ Within hours of my response to my teacher, and making my way home after work, I was confronted by my very upset parents, asking how I could not tell them such a thing. Ugh, she had told on me, and somehow, even at age 15, I knew she was doing the right thing, and probably also covering the school of any backlash and I totally got it. I don’t recall being mad at her. What did I not tell my parents? Well, some time near the end of the school year I had stayed after school for intramurals and was trying to be cool, jumping into the deep end of the pool knowing full well I could not swim. I nearly drowned. Someone had run and called the teacher that was covering intramurals that day. All I remember was feeling two really strong hands grab me from behind and pull me out of the pool, and my coughing embarrassingly on the pool deck. He was just in time too, because I had begun to run out of energy from flailing around, and had started to drift to the bottom of the pool. As a deeply shy and introverted 15-year-old, I wonder even now, if I had properly thanked those two teachers.  I hope so. That was the second time in my life I almost died. There was one previous incident when I was nine, and there would be one more when I was in my early 20’s. I’m wondering why I’m thinking about that long ago swimming pool event in particular. I’m not sure. Maybe because at that point in my life I believed my parents would be around forever? But of course, that is not the case for anyone. We all die don’t we? All of these years later, the last time I saw my sweet mom, my best friend in the whole wide world was the evening of Sunday, May 5th as I got her ready for bed. By the morning of May 6th, she had exited this world leaving behind chronic pain, and chronic illness. I miss her terribly. What breaks my heart the most is I did not have a chance to say goodbye. My heart aches for my dad as June 5th--a month to the day after she died--would have been their 54th wedding anniversary. They loved each other so. I watched them all my life, through the ups and downs, thick and thin, flat broke, and money in the bank. They stuck it out. We don’t see many couples sticking it out through thick and thin these days. We hear a lot of ‘I don’t love him or her anymore’, ‘we’ve fallen out of love’, ‘we just can’t see eye to eye on anything anymore’. How exactly does one fall out of love? And could it be that couples don’t see eye to eye because no one wants to give in once in a while? Or maybe the same person is always giving in and the other person just doesn’t get that it can’t always be their way? Hey, I’m not a shrink. So I will leave those thoughts and questions right there.    I sometimes thought I did not deserve my mom. She was quiet, reserved, her favorite color was beige. She taught us how to clean up after ourselves as young women, and my brother as a young. She taught us how to live clean, how to cook, and how to maintain a clean home. As nice and kind as she was, she did not mince words with us when we got out of line.  But she also taught us how to be kind to others, how to let things go sometimes, and as she said ‘put the best construction on things’. Something I usually found difficult to do. I believe I was the most difficult of her five children because of that very difficulty. As an adult, I often wished I had listened to her more. But she was a patient mom.   Being the mother of five children, she did not know the intricacies, the emotional pain, of being childless not by choice. She asked me questions, and she defended me when I told her the latest stupid comments or actions of those who did not understand the life of a childless not by choice person. She was my biggest defender. No matter how old we got to be, we called her Mommy. We call my dad Daddy. I guess it’s a Caribbean thing. I will never trust another human being as much as I trusted my mom. You may say that is just the rawness of such a recent loss talking.  But it’s a fact. My mom learned how to text on her Android phone, and use her iPad very late in life. But she learned them. She enjoyed texting the entire family. She enjoyed researching celebrities ages on her iPad. She did not consider herself a smart person, but whenever she started with that ‘I'm not smart’ bit, I would remind her that she was one of the smartest people I knew. She could tell you about every event that was going on around the world. She knew who Lady Gaga was, she loved listening to The Gaithers and watching Bobby Schuller’s service on Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons.  She was the smartest woman I knew. My mom raised five kids without serious incident, working her fingers to the bone to provide for us.  She was mistreated on some of her jobs. And I remember feeling so helpless when she would tell me about the latest incident. But she always said she wanted to keep a righteous heart. And several times she would tell me how she had run into one or two of the people who did her wrong and they were not in a good place. But she never spoke badly about them and their plight. It will take the rest of my life to become half the person she was. I battled the medical community to pay attention to her needs the last few years of her life. Unfortunately, they did not care about the role of the caregiver, and I felt they definitely did not care about the plight of the elderly. Many of them ignored anything I had to say because although I knew my mom much better than they did, they could not hear above the din of their seven to 10 years of education. One time when she was in rehab, against my wishes, they gave her two similar diabetes medications. I ended up not sleeping that entire night as I did not trust the rehab staff to stay awake and prevent her blood sugar from going to zero. They proceeded to feed her junk all night to keep her blood sugar up. Shortly after that I had her taken out of the facility and brought her back home. I am not a clinician, but I did my best by my mom. I truly hope that one day caregivers will be heard in the medical community. In the meantime, if you are a caregiver, do not ever give up on your family member. Advocate for them even when the medical community gets upset and kicks you out of the hospital. Yes, that has happened to me. They would rather say ‘I'm sorry’ or say nothing at all if something terrible were to happen during one of their ‘mistakes’. I heard from one of her specialists calling to give condolences. The life of a caregiver is not easy. No part of it is.  Becoming a caregiver changes your life...forever. And most times there is no warning that you are becoming a caregiver. It literally just kinda happens. Initially, you are taking your loved one to doctor’s appointments, then you find yourself handling prescription issues at the pharmacy advocating for your loved one, and then you begin to administer medications, and the doctor is talking to you even more than to the patient, about next steps after each appointment. Then you incorporate their schedule, their life, into yours; into your calendar, or in my case because I’m old school, into my daytimer.   Caregivers have to watch time: time away from the person being cared for, time to administer medications, time to eat, time to get to doctor’s appointments. There are late nights...illness exacerbates at night. And the most overwhelming feeling for a caregiver is the feeling of helplessness which happened quite a few times for me. I was and am literally responsible for the person who took care of me. I was taking care of the person whose loving face was the first I saw when I came into this world. Talk about pressure. I did not want to mess up.               I really thought I had more time to make changes in her care. The morning she passed I had planned to call one of her physicians to start a new treatment. But it was not to be. I now battle in my mind; the battle of wishing I had more time to make changes. But I also know as one my sisters always reminds me, ‘God is sovereign’. The bottom line is, we all have a day assigned to us, that last day on earth. The best thing we can do is to be sure we have our affairs in order so that we do not leave any undue burden on our family, and to be ready to meet our maker.   My mom thanked me for caring for her. And all I could say was ‘you’re welcome mommy’. But what I should have said was ‘it is my honor. It is the least I can do.`` I know she knew I loved her though. I gave her loud kisses on her cheeks from time to time, I prayed with her some nights and comforted her as best as I could as things got worse. I was in love with her dimples, always wishing I had gotten them. But it turns out those beautiful dimples skipped a generation.    Sometimes when I would be washing dishes she would sit at the kitchen table and we would talk about one thing or the other. I would say something and then get no response only to realize she snuck out on me to go watch the evening news.        Well, She played that trick on me one last time. She snuck out on me without saying goodbye. I knew she did it because if she told me she was going I would have begged her to stay, as much pain as I knew she was in.   My consolation as I grieve the loss of her presence in this world is that she is no longer in pain. She is no longer taking tons of pills, and going to tons of doctor’s appointments. She is now spending her time singing in the Soprano section of Heaven’s choir. Sing on my sweet mommy, until we meet again.     Patreon Contributors:   Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Sandra Carzado Your Name Here Articles of note: https://news.yahoo.com/longing-motherhood-loving-one-another-103003795.html Special thank you to: Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, including their concert schedule, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details.   Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’  ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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Comments (1)

G MB

Episode 76, The War on Fibroids, was very informative. I have struggled with fibroids for years and it was great to hear that someone who understands the struggle is out there helping others. Great interview.

Dec 13th
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