Cinematix Problematix

Today, we’re talking about Joel Schumacher’s 1985 film St. Elmo’s Fire about - as IMBd puts it - “A group of friends, just out of college, struggle with adulthood.” And that is putting it kindly. The film begins with Jules, Kirbo, Billy, Wendy, Alec, Leslie, and Kevin all graduating from Georgetown and diving head first into the deep end of adulthood with nothing but privilege, good looks, booze, credit cards, and penchant for being complete jerks. As a matter of fact, the film should receive an award for the sheer amount of atrocious behavior demonstrated by our fashionably disastrous group of so-called adult protagonists. And all of it is passed off as charismatic, relatable, harmless tomfoolery which I can only justify by saying “Hey, it was the 80’s!”The film stars Demi Moore, Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Andrew McCarthy, Mare Winningham, Judd Nelson, and Andie MacDowell and has a run time of 1 hour and 50 minutes.

Today, we’re talking about the 1982 film The Toy starring Richard Pryor as Jack Brown - a struggling writer who gets hired by the affluent U.S. Bates to be a friend to his lonely but incredibly spoiled child, Eric.  You see, Eric just wants to be loved and hugged, but he also wants a full grown black man to dress in Spider Man costumes that he can torment for his own amusement. So he’s also a little f$%@ing demon. The film centers around the growing and unlikely friendship between Jack and lil’ Eric, where Eric eventually comes to see Jack as - GASP! - an actual human being.The film stars Richard Pryor, Jackie Gleason, Ned Beatty, and Scott Schwartz and has a runtime of 1hr 42 min.CREDITSHosted by: Erin Maxwell & Kristina “Krissie” Rettig Edited by: Russ LichterTheme song by: Spooky Dan

Today, we’ll be talking about the 1980 film The Blue Lagoon, which tells the story of children Emmeline and Richard who get shipwrecked on a desert island with an alcoholic yet incredibly handy cook named Paddy. Spoiler alert: Paddy dies after drinking an entire barrel full of rum, leaving these two completely clueless children alone, with nobody to tell them that getting it on with your first cousin is kinda gross. But that didn’t stop this film from TOTALLY going there. As the kids grow up, they figure out things about their bodies and learn the hard way (pun intended) how babies are made. All of this happens while they spill out some of the most frustratingly dumb dialogue of any movie I’ve seen.The film stars Brooke Shields, Christopher Atkins, and Leo McKern as Paddy, and has a runtime of 1 hour and 44 minutes.CREDITSHosts: Kristina "Krissie" Rettig & Erin Maxwell Edited by: Russ LichterTheme Song by: Spooky Dan

And today, we’re talking about  the 1983 classic Trading Places, which tells the tale of The extremely wealthy Wall Street executives Duke brothers who decide to place a friendly bet to see if nature beats nurture. They take the star employee at their financial firm,  Louis Winthorpe III, and try to see if a destitute Black man, Billy Ray Valentine, can effectively take his place and learn the ropes of the finance world if he’s given all of the privileges of his predecessor. The Dukes' exercise their power to take away Winthorpe’s job, home, and wealth and transfer it to Valentine to see whether nature or nurture wins out. And then blackface, the n-word, and bad Jamaican accents ensue!The film stars Eddie Murphy, Dan Aykroyd, Jamie Lee Curtis, Don Ameche, Ralph Bellamy, and Denholm Elliot. It is directed by Jonathan Landis and has a run time of 1 hr 56 min.CREDITSHosts: Erin Maxwell & Kristina "Krissie" RettigEdited by: Russ LichterTheme Song by: Spooky Dan

Today, we’re talking about the ICONIC 1984 film Purple Rain, which stars the legendary rock/pop/soul artist Prince. It tells the story of an incredibly cocky-yet-talented young Minneapolis artist with a standing residency at the popular club First Avenue, but who is also the product of a violent household. He has a long-standing rivalry with Morris Day’s The Time, and falls in love with a smoking hot but struggling “singer” named Apollonia. The film addresses issues of domestic violence, misogyny, ego, and of course, "what’s up with that one song shit!" But these are all trifling details because the film is basically a 90 minute music video starring Prince. Which is all it really has to be.The film stars Prince, Apollonia Kotero, Morris Day, Clarence Williams III, Jerome Benton, and The Revolution!CREDITSHosts: Kristina "Krissie" Rettig & Erin MaxwellEdited by: Russ LichterTheme Song by: Spooky Dan

Today, we’re talking about the controversial 1986 film Soul Man, directed by Steve Miner. It tells the story of Mark Watson who is an affluent UCLA student who gets into Harvard Law School. The only problem is his father decides to not fund his education so that he can learn some responsibility. He tries to get loans, but can’t because his credit sucks. But then his friend tells him about a scholarship meant for Black applicants, so he buys some tanning pills and dons a jerry curl wig to get the scholarship. And hilariousness ensues! He falls in love with Rae Dawn Chong (a black student who we learn was supposed to get the scholarship), he has sex with a white woman who fetishizes black men, he gets evicted by a racist landlord, and tries unsuccessfully to play basketball. In the end, he is exposed, learns the error of his ways, and commits to giving back to the Black community.The film stars C. Thomas Howell, Rae Dawn Chong, James Earl Jones, Arye Gross, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, Melora Hardin, and Leslie Nielsen.The film has a runtime of 1 hour and 44 minutes.Film Sins: Did we mention C. Thomas Howell is in blackface the entire time?Hosts: Kristina "Krissie" Rettig & Erin MaxwellEdited by: Russ LichterTheme song by: Spooky Dan

Today, we’re talking about the 1984 comedy Revenge of the Nerds directed by Jeff Kanew, which follows horny freshman nerds Lewis and Gilbert as they get into college, only to be bullied by the cool, jocular members of the Alpha Beta fraternity. In response to their humiliation and their sudden lack of housing at the hands of the Alpha Beta frat bullies, they not only form their own fraternity born out of the all-Black fraternity Lambda Lambda Lambda, but they challenge the jocks to various competitions at the Homecoming Carnival so that they can rule the Greek Council and get the girl(s).The film stars Robert Carradine, Anthony Edwards, Curtis Armstrong, Ted McGinley of Shrinking Fame, and John Goodman as the evil football coach. This film has a runtime of 1 hour and 30 minutes.Sins against it: sexual assault, voyeurism, gratuitous boobies, and infantile sexual innuendo.CREDITSHosts: Erin Maxwell & Kristina "Krissie" Rettig Edited by: Russ LichterTheme Song by: Spooky Dan

Today, we’re talking about the 1984 John Hughes classic Sixteen Candles, which is about a girl who turns sweet 16 only to have her quirky family entirely forget it on the eve of her sister’s wedding. It all takes place in the span of 24 hours where we get to witness teen longing, horniness, general slapstick hijinks, and a TON of dialogue and plot points that would NEVER pass muster today.The film stars the 80’s teen icon Molly Ringwald as Sam; Anthony Michael Hall as The Geek/Farmer Ted (the scrawny teen that stalks Sam incessantly); Michael Schoeffling as Jake Ryan (the dreamy object of Sam’s affections); Gedde Watanabe as Long Duck Dong (the whacky transfer student from China); Kramer vs. Kramer alum Justin Henry as Sam’s little jerk of a brother Mike; and Haviland Morris as the conspicuously 3-dimensional hot girl and girlfriend of Jake, Caroline.It has a runtime of 93 minutes, about half of which is completely cringeworthy by today’s standards.Sins against it: Sexual assault, misogyny, underwear robbery, racism, and light homophobia.CREDITSHosts: Erin Maxwell & Kristina "Krissie" RettigEdited by: Russ LichterTheme Song by: Spooky Dan