Coffee With Dr. Kashey

Whether it's a minor slip or a major blunder, Dr. Kashey’s wisdom is like a trusty pocket tool for self-reconciliation. It's a reminder that the most reliable friend you need when you stumble is your own compassionate self. Through guided exercises, Dr. Kashey shows you how to transform the worry in your guts into a wellspring of wise counsel. Get ready to touch your heart, literally and figuratively, and learn the art of caring touch to console your nervous system. Discover how embracing self-support isn't just good for you, but a gift to those around you.

Today, we're delving into the art of mental clarity with a unique guided exercise that sharpens your focus and fortifies your resolve.  It's not about sweeping mistakes under the rug—it's about shining a light on them, learning, and moving forward stronger. Prepare to swap the comfort of familiar distractions for the thrill of conquering challenges. We'll explore the intricate dance of stimuli and responses, and how altering this rhythm can change the very fabric of our daily lives. With Dr. Kashey’s insights, you'll discover how to turn every 'oops' into a launchpad for success. So settle in, take a deep breath, and get ready to exercise your mind like never before.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about Tabitha's journey through cognitive, emotional, and behavioral shifts towards activity. Tabitha challengeed her belief systems by weighing the pros and cons of physical activity. Through shame extermination and self-respect techniques, Tabitha learned to handle negative emotions linked to exercise, emphasising on action-oriented steps to solidify an active lifestyle. Tabitha's physical activity plan begins with simple movements, progressively advancing in complexity and intensity. Positive reinforcement is used to reward the achievement of activity milestones. Custom fitness plans cater to individual abilities and encourage progression. Encouraging skill acquisition in preferred activities to boost enjoyment and proficiency.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about various techniques he used to help his client, Tabitha, overcome her self-destructive emotional disturbances and develop a healthier relationship with physical activity. He emphasizes acknowledging negative feelings as a motivator for improvement rather than a source of guilt and shame. Dr. Kashey explains how he guided Tabitha through exercises like purposefully engaging in embarrassing activities to desensitize her to the fear of judgment and recognize that people are primarily self-centered, diminishing the impact of others' opinions. He also discusses the distinction between self-esteem and self-respect, encouraging Tabitha to assess her decisions objectively rather than judging her entire worth based on outcomes. Additionally, Dr. Kashey describes a role-reversal technique where Tabitha's friend pretended to be her, voicing her negative self-talk, allowing Tabitha to dispute these irrational beliefs from an external perspective.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about the emotive aspect of the Stimulus-Response-Outcome (SRO) model, focusing on Tabitha's journey in overcoming emotional disturbances and cultivating self-respect regarding physical activity. He explains the concept of "double trouble," where a practical problem escalates into an emotional disturbance, creating a destructive cycle. Dr. Kashey introduces three major techniques: shame extermination, cultivating self-respect, and role reversal. Shame extermination involves acknowledging and facing feelings of embarrassment and shame surrounding one's body and physical abilities. Tabitha learned to confront these emotions directly, recognising that while frustration and annoyance are natural motivators, upgrading them into anger, anxiety, and shame clouds rational thinking and prompts impulsive, self-destructive behavior. By systematically desensitizing herself to these emotions, Tabitha was able to build frustration tolerance and self-respect.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey continues his workshop on "How to Love Using Your Body" by focusing on the cognitive aspect of the Stimulus-Response-Outcome (SRO) model. He introduces the concept of disputation, which involves detecting distorted belief systems, discriminating between rational and irrational thoughts, and debating the validity of these beliefs to replace them with more rational ones. Dr. Kashey shares the example of Tabitha, a former client who successfully employed this disputation process to overcome her aversion to physical activity. Tabitha learned to ask herself three key questions: "Why should I be exempt and still get what I want?" "What makes being active so horrible?" and "Where's the evidence that I can't stand it?" By challenging her distorted beliefs and irrational thoughts, Tabitha was able to transition from a mindset of avoidance to one of embracing physical activity and enjoying its benefits. Dr. Kashey emphasizes the importance of intellectual understanding and philosophical integration, where beliefs are truly internalized and reflected in one's actions and way of living.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey continues his workshop on "How to Love Using Your Body" by exploring the Stimulus-Response-Outcome (SRO) model and the variable outcome principle. He explains how exposing a group of people to the same stimulus can lead to a variety of responses and outcomes, depending on their underlying belief systems. Dr. Kashey contrasts the beliefs of the "generally active" group, who view the benefits of being active as outweighing the hassles, with the "generally passive" group, who perceive the hassles as outweighing the benefits. He highlights the role of distorted belief systems and rigid, perfectionistic demands in perpetuating the avoidance of physical activity. Dr. Kashey illustrates how self-sabotaging thoughts, such as "I must only work as hard as I think I should, or else," can lead to the development of the "I can't stand it-itis" condition, ultimately providing permission to remain sedentary. He emphasizes the importance of fostering self-respect by assessing decisions and outcomes objectively, rather than engaging in self-judgment and harsh demands.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about his free workshop titled "How to Love Using Your Body, Even If It's Embarrassing, and It Sucks," which aims to help individuals overcome the frustrations and barriers associated with adopting an active lifestyle. He introduces the SRO (Stimulus-Response-Outcome) model, which focuses on addressing the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral aspects that contribute to the avoidance of physical activity. Dr. Kashey shares the inspiring story of Tabitha, a former client who successfully transformed her life by losing over 120 pounds, reversing diabetes, and learning to enjoy using her body through the techniques taught in the workshop. The workshop emphasizes the importance of identifying and challenging distorted beliefs, negative emotions, and avoidance behaviors related to exercise. Dr. Kashey stresses the concept of self-respect, which involves forming conclusions about actions and outcomes rather than defining oneself based on perceived laziness or inactivity. He highlights Tabitha's journey from being the "empress of avoiding sports" to gradually increasing her physical activity and experiencing numerous health benefits as a result.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about a scientific study by researchers at Stanford University that analyzed the representation of food and drinks in popular movies. The study found that the on-screen diets portrayed in these movies vastly differed from the USDA nutrition guidelines, featuring low-fiber, high-sodium, and an abundance of unhealthy treats, such as candies, chips, desserts, and alcoholic beverages. Dr. Kashey highlights that many of these movies were rated PG-13 or lower, indicating that children were exposed to these unrealistic dietary representations. Dr. Kashey questions the influence of these depictions on people's eating habits, suggesting that while it may normalize and encourage the consumption of unhealthy foods shown in movies, it does not necessarily lead individuals to adopt an overall "wacky diet of candy and cheese curls." He argues that if movies portrayed healthier eating habits, people would likely lose interest and seek content that aligns with their behaviors.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about how Tabitha, a recovered diabetic binge eater, approached Thanksgiving and other social gatherings without punishing herself or engaging in self-hate. He shares Tabitha's powerful story of overcoming her past struggles with overeating and purging during holidays. Dr. Kashey highlights Tabitha's newfound mindset, where she focuses on enjoying her favorite foods without the desperate urge to consume everything in sight. Tabitha's transformation involved creating a list of her favorite dishes beforehand, prioritizing her choices, and being present in the moment with her loved ones rather than engaging in self-destructive behaviors. He explains the importance of developing a healthy relationship with food and shifting one's perspective from a competitive mindset to one of moderation and self-care.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey discusses the concept of frustration intolerance and its manifestations in various aspects of life. He shares real-life examples of individuals like Sarah, Tabitha, and Justin, who exhibit frustration intolerance through behaviors such as impatience, emotional outbursts, procrastination, and self-sabotaging actions. Dr. Kashey highlights how frustration intolerance often stems from rigid beliefs, unrealistic expectations, and an inability to adjust to reality. He emphasizes that getting upset is a sign of distorted thinking and a failure to respond rationally to frustrating situations. He explains the importance of developing frustration tolerance, rational thinking, and deliberate action to overcome challenges and achieve desired outcomes.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about the concept of frustration intolerance and its detrimental effects, using the relatable story of Tabitha as an illustrative example. Tabitha's day is plagued by a series of frustrating setbacks from spilling coffee on her shirt to getting stuck in traffic and missing an important meeting. Unable to cope with the mounting frustration, Tabitha engages in destructive behaviors like emotional eating, venting to coworkers, and impulsively browsing job listings in a misguided attempt to escape her circumstances. Dr. Kashey explains how Tabitha's lack of frustration tolerance fuels irrational thoughts and emotional disturbances, which in turn lead to counterproductive actions that only worsen the initial frustrations. He highlights the importance of developing resilience and using rational thinking to downgrade emotional disturbances, regaining a sense of control and perspective.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey discusses an essay by the famous French Renaissance philosopher, Lord Uncle Monta, titled "How the Soul Discharges Its Emotions Against False Objects When Lacking Real Objects." He shares amusing tips and insights from Monta's work, which humorously illustrates how people often vent their frustrations on inanimate objects or engage in irrational behaviors when faced with difficulties or setbacks. Monta's essay highlights the human tendency to find scapegoats or fabricate reasons to justify negative emotions, even when those emotions are misguided or disproportionate to the situation. Dr. Kashey draws attention to the timeless wisdom in Monta's observations, which remain relevant and insightful centuries later, reminding us of the absurdity and futility of venting anger on "false objects" instead of addressing the root causes of our frustrations.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey discusses the concept of "mental toughness" and its potential pitfalls. He reads and analyzes an article by Professor Michael Easter, which critically examines the societal obsession with mental toughness and the flawed assumptions surrounding it. Dr. Kashey highlights how the pursuit of mental toughness through self-imposed suffering and challenging activities does not necessarily translate into resilience or success in real-life challenges. He further emphasizes the importance of identifying the root cause of one's struggles, addressing the rate-limiting factors, and developing specific skills and techniques tailored to the desired outcome, rather than relying on a generic notion of mental toughness. He also stresses the value of teamwork, support systems, and diverse experiences in fostering genuine resilience and problem-solving abilities.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about the importance of discriminating between frustrations that are worth addressing and those that can be ignored. He emphasizes that it is reasonable to live with some open loops, hassles, and mysteries in life, and attempting to resolve all of them can lead to a feeling of solving none. Dr. Kashey introduces the concept of "discrimination" or "distinguishing" as a powerful tool for preserving one's precious frustration tolerance. He explains that by identifying the frustrating stimulus, appraising and reappraising it, creating space between stimulus and response, responding constructively, learning from the results, and generalizing the experiences, individuals can cultivate frustration tolerance. Dr. Kashey also discusses the difference between identifying frustration and identifying oneself as frustrated, highlighting the importance of recognizing the practical problem rather than getting caught up in negative emotions.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about frustration tolerance and how it plays a crucial role in managing frustrations effectively. He explains that frustration tolerance is the ability to think rationally and stay composed while experiencing frustrating situations. Dr. Kashey emphasizes that frustrations are inevitable, but it's our appraisal of these events that determines whether they become minor inconveniences or major problems. He discusses the importance of cultivating a flexible and reasonable belief system about frustrations, as this allows for a deeper well of tolerance and a longer space between stimulus and response. Dr. Kashey suggests that by reappraising frustrations as tolerable, neutral, or even good, individuals can avoid impulsive and destructive reactions. He also highlights the significance of distinguishing between temporary frustrations that can be ignored and persistent frustrations that require active problem-solving.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about the importance of frustration tolerance and how it relates to the well-known Aesop's fable, "The Boy and the Filberts." He uses the tale as an illustrative example to demonstrate how rigid belief systems and a lack of frustration tolerance can lead to irrational and impulsive behaviors. Dr. Kashey explains that the boy's inability to let go of his dire need for the filberts, coupled with his black-and-white thinking, caused him to lose his rational mind and become stuck in a self-perpetuating cycle of frustration. Dr. Kashey emphasizes that building frustration tolerance is not about enduring frustration for its own sake but rather about creating the space between stimulus and response to think rationally and act deliberately. He defines frustration tolerance as the capacity to think rationally when frustrated, which allows for more constructive outcomes and breaks the cycle of compounding frustrations and impulsive, destructive actions.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about the concept of stress, particularly chronic stress, and its relationship with frustration. He explains that stress is a biological response to perceived threats or demands, rather than the cause itself. Dr. Kashey discusses how people often misuse the term "stress" to refer to stressors or frustrating stimuli, which can lead to emotional disturbances and subsequent biological stress responses. He introduces the STFU (Stimulus, Thinking, Feeling, Urging) model to illustrate how frustrating stimuli can trigger a cyclical interaction between thoughts, feelings, and urges, potentially leading to a stress response. Dr. Kashey emphasizes that chronic stress often arises when individuals engage in "double trouble," where they interpret practical frustrations as emotional disturbances and threats to their safety, perpetuating the stress response.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about the concept of frustration and annoyance, and how they can lead to anger if not managed properly. He explains that frustrations arising from the operational domain (being able to do what one wants) and the fairness domain (getting what one deserves) are particularly prone to causing annoyance. Dr. Kashey discusses how annoyance generates a sense of urgency, leading people to act impulsively and irrationally, often escalating the situation instead of resolving it. He uses the STFU (Stimulus, Thinking, Feeling, Urging) model to break down how frustrating stimuli trigger thoughts, feelings, and urges that can spiral into anger and violent fantasies. Dr. Kashey emphasizes the psychobiological connection between these violent thoughts and the body's stress response, preparing for a fight. He suggests approaching frustrating situations as puzzles or games, creating a motivating challenge rather than a perceived attack, and learning from mistakes to update strategies for the future.

In this episode, Dr. Kashey talks about the rationale behind gradually increasing calorie intake during a fat loss phase, rather than continually decreasing calories. He explains that initially starting with a very low calorie intake allows individuals to improve their skills in measuring, tracking, and reporting their food intake accurately. As the fat loss phase progresses, calorie intake is increased, which creates a more psychologically and physiologically satisfying approach to fat loss. Dr. Kashey highlights that when an individual carries more body fat, it is easier to tolerate lower calorie intake, whereas as body fat decreases, hunger and the desire for more food increases. By structuring the fat loss phase to provide the highest calorie intake at the leanest point, it becomes more sustainable and reduces the risk of binge eating or regaining lost weight. He also suggests that this approach may be more hormonally healthy, promoting thermogenesis and improving the calorie-to-body-fat ratio for future fat loss phases.