Comin' Out Swinging

Think the only way to heat things up is to swap partners? Not even close. In this episode, Vic and I break down all the hot, non-monogamy-adjacent fun—voyeurism, exhibitionism, and same-room play—that keeps the spice alive without ever crossing into full swap.

We spent our teens in the friend zone—good enough to listen to everyone’s drama, never the ones they wanted. In this episode, Vic and I unpack how that shaped us, how those voices still live in our heads, and what it feels like to flip the script in the lifestyle.

In this episode, we discuss the realities of performance enhancers in the lifestyle. We address common misconceptions about erectile dysfunction, the impact of environment on performance, and the importance of communication between partners. The discussion also covers the use of medication to enhance experiences and the emotional aspects of intimacy when things don't go as planned.Key Takeaways:Performance enhancers are not just for men; they can benefit couples.The 'puppy reaction' describes excitement leading to performance issues.Environmental distractions can significantly impact intimacy.It's important to communicate openly about performance issues.Disappointment in intimacy is common and can be navigated positively.Medication can enhance experiences but is not a cure-all.Women often feel it's their fault when performance issues arise, but it's usually not.The right mindset can turn a disappointing experience into a positive one.Choosing the right time to take performance enhancers is crucial.Open discussions about sexual health can improve relationships.

In today’s episode, we’re giving you a crash course in lifestyle club and event survival. From awkward ‘cash-for-play’ offers to phones popping up in places they shouldn’t—let’s talk security, safety, and how not to wreck the vibe (or go to jail).

We love that you’re excited to be at the sex club. We really do. But if you're in the play area talking about your colonoscopy or your kids’ soccer schedule while people are trying to fuck—you’re doing it wrong.In this episode, we tackle one of the biggest vibe-killers at lifestyle clubs: loud-ass people treating the play area like it’s happy hour at Chili’s. From awkward overshares to unsolicited porn-director commentary, we’ve seen—and heard—it all.This episode is a love letter from your fellow swingers trying to get off in peace.

Think you’re not hot enough for the lifestyle? Too average? Too old? Not what you think people are looking for? Think again.In this episode, we unpack how swinging isn't about being the hottest person in the room—it’s about how you show up. Confidence, vibe, and how you make people feel will get you further than abs or a perfect ass ever will.We will talk about the simple things most people overlook—like grooming, hygiene, and not acting like a weirdo—and share personal stories of pulling people who, in the “vanilla world,” would’ve been way out of our league.

It’s not always cheating, abuse, or betrayal that ends relationships. Sometimes it’s boredom, avoidance, and pretending everything's fine.This episode is about the normal-looking relationships falling apart behind closed doors—slowly, quietly, and often with no one noticing.What’s even worse, how many of these relationships stay together until someone dies?

Are humans really meant to be with one person forever?Or is monogamy just a cultural script we’ve all been handed—whether it fits or not?In this episode, we delve into the biology, traditions, and uncomfortable truths surrounding lifelong monogamy. From sex drives and cheating stats to societal pressure and religion, we’re pulling it all apart.As Chris Rock once said, “Men are only as faithful as their options.”

When we first got into swinging, we had our rules locked in: couples only, same room only, always together.That lasted… maybe two encounters.In this episode, we share how our rules and boundaries evolved over 22 years in the lifestyle—from panic attacks at house parties to hotel takeovers, kink exploration, solo play, and even a surprise second round in a hotel room.If you’re new and trying to figure out your “rules,” this episode will give you permission to take your time, stay flexible, and grow together.

A lot of couples may try swinging once or for a short period of time. So what made us keep going—and keep growing—for 22 years?In this episode, we share the real reasons we stayed in the lifestyle, from the electric excitement to the deep, unexpected communication breakthroughs swinging created.We also talk about how swinging gave us new ways to keep things fun, adventurous, and even a little competitive—while our monogamous friends stayed stuck in miserable, disconnected relationships.If you’ve ever wondered what swinging can really add to a strong relationship—this is the episode that spells it out.

In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wrong reasons to get into the lifestyle.We’ll share:Why swinging is not therapyA story about a female half of a couple who got pushed into it before she was readyHow manipulation, imbalance, and desperation lead to disasterAnd what a solid foundation actually looks like before you startIf you’re here to spice things up, great. If you’re here to save something that’s already sinking—listen closely.

In today’s episode, we’re breaking down the differences between swinging, polyamory, open relationships, and everything in between. We’ll talk about:Why we’re not poly, and never will beThe show Polyfamily and the emotional chaos it showsWhy emotional involvement, “second wives,” and relationship triangles almost never workAnd how swinging—with no emotional ties—is what actually strengthens our marriageIf you’re trying to figure out your lane in non-monogamy, this episode will help you get real clear, real fast.

In today’s episode, we’re sharing a real story from a night at our local club.We met a couple who seemed like seasoned pros—but they were holding onto a fantasy that had never actually happened… until that night.We’ll walk you through:How it all started with a casual bar conversationThe surprising truth about this couple’s experience (or lack of it)The moment Vic set things in motionWhat it felt like to give them their first time—and why it turned us on just as much as themThis one’s about energy, anticipation, and why sometimes, the other couple’s experience is the hottest part of all.

In this episode, we’re going back to our first time.We’ll tell you:How Vic shocked Dave by signing up for an AFF accountThe couple we met from the next town overWhat really went down that night in our houseAnd how we both felt before, during, and especially afterIf you’ve ever wondered what it’s actually like the first time you swing—this one’s for you.

In this episode, we’re getting real about how we got into the lifestyle.We weren’t struggling. We weren’t bored.Our sex life was already damn good—maybe too good.We’ll talk about:How curiosity evolved from Real Sex on HBO (yes, we're dating ourselves lol) to pillow talk and playful boundariesWhy communication and honesty were the key from the startHow Dave’s solo habits opened up space for deeper trust between usWhether you’re already swinging or just starting to have the conversation, this is the story that shows it doesn’t have to start from struggle.

In this episode, we’re kicking things off by sharing why we’re finally stepping up to the mic after 22 years in the lifestyle.We’ll talk about:The couple that mentored us early on and showed us how to actually last in non-monogamyThe moment we realized we couldn’t stay quiet anymore (spoiler: it involved a messy foursome and TikTok drama)And why we’re not your lifestyle gurus—but we are the OGs who’ve seen what works, what blows up, and what you really need to knowWhether you’re only fantasizing about swinging or just starting out in the game, this episode will help you navigate your journey with clarity, confidence, and hopefully way fewer red flags.

Comin' Out Swinging isn't just about non-monogamy. It’s a raw, real look at modern relationships. We’re Victoria and Dave Arena: together nearly 30 years, married over 24, and swinging for more than 22. This show explores how love, sex, and identity often buckle under the weight of societal expectations, especially monogamy. Subscribe to Comin’ Out Swinging—the podcast that truly redefines "Couple Goals," straight from the Muthaphuckkin OGs.