We may be interested in living an authentic, honest life.Unfortunately, that doesn't necessarily mean those we're closest to are interested in doing the same thing.The easiest way to encourage those around us to show up authentically is by ensuring we make that experience as easy and enjoyable as possible for them.In this episode, we discuss:2:31 My daughter rescinded her dinner invitation and my feelings were hurt, and I pretended it was fine when I was actually really hurt.13:34 ...
Navigating relationships with difficult family members can sometimes be a Herculean task.This episode highlights four main strategies for walking the path of authentic communication with family members who can be hard to connect with:1. Practicing the art of translating judgments into feelings and needs.2. Maintaining deep connection with ourselves. 3. Locating the conversation in the present and not the past.4. Melting defensiveness by creating enough internal ca...
Changing our default patterns in relationships takes intention and effort. Whether we're wanting to act differently with loved ones at home or with strangers in public, relational transformation starts by turning inward and working with ourselves, first.In this week's conversation we discuss:1.01 Find information on my upcoming offerings: Deep Dive into Narcissism and Shame and winter retreat Getting Grounded in Your Goodness3:16 "My usual MO would be to run .." ...
This week's episode explores themes of belonging, and the human need we all share for community.We explore:1:59 I don't feel like I belong anywhere5:50 Rising into grandiosity or sinking into shame7:19 Belonging to Yourself12:05 The role of reverence14:03 How do I handle passive aggressive comments?25:20 We're either repeating or transforming a dynamic26:43 Make the implicit explicit34:28 My friend takes a long time to text me back and it hurts ...
This week's episode is an investigation into working things through in relationship: with our extended family, our mothers, our daughters, and ourselves.We explore:1:18 The dynamics I see in my nieces and nephews repeat the dynamics between my siblings and I get triggered. How can I help myself and them?4:12 How to ground observations in micro moments13:11 I wanted care and I didn't receive it. How can I talk about this with no accusations?31:05 A scr...
This week's caller is looking for scripts that can help her call out some discriminatory dynamics at work. She asks: "I am facing new challenges in my work environment. More specifically, I am noticing weird racial dynamics ( for example, staff of colour all scheduled for night shift, and day shift exclusively (no exceptions) staffed by white staff. I have also heard rumours of ‘racially hostile behaviour’ from colleagues and supervisors. For context, I am black/African. I also jus...
It's a common - if painful - dynamic: we want to share our pain with another in the hopes of receiving empathy, but their best move is to try and fix our pain by finding fault with something we've said or done.It is so hurtful to be blamed for our own pain. In this week's episode, a caller asks a universally applicable question: "What can I do when I share my pain with my spouse and he blames me for it?"Highlights include:2:50 If all I get is blame, why should I even t...
It can be so difficult to know what to say next. Whether you need to have a personal or professional conversation, sometimes finding the words are hard.In this week's podcast, we script out four different conversations for four different scenarios. We discuss:1:06 "Please tell me you love me, dad."8:54 "I'm sorry, but you're fired."15:47 "I want to stay. Do you want that, too?"29:16 "Dear child, this is my boundary."— Thank you for tuning in. Remember...
What do you do when you discover that a friend or loved one sees something in a polar opposite way to how you're seeing it? Are you able to stay in a place of grounded, open curiosity, or do you find yourself getting worked up and activated, wanting to change their minds? It can be very challenging to connect with loved ones when our belief systems don't match, or when our worldviews are colliding. On this week's podcast, we tackle the hard work of connecting - with friends, w...
As we run through our everyday lives, we'll inevitably bump up against other humans who might be less resourced than we are. Catching others as they're having a bad day can provide us stellar opportunities to increase our own empathy, and we don't even have to say a word.On this week's episode, we delve into ways to manage our own nervous systems amidst the triggered nervous systems of others, including:4:24 How can someone be verbally aggressive and still profess love?12:59 ...
Do you ever worry that empathy is getting in the way? In this week's episode, one caller worried that empathizing with his mother in law's fear of having cancer was actually making her anxiety worse, and not better. On this call one of the things we discuss is anxiety, and some of the tips we can use when trying to empathize with someone who's feeling anxious.1:51 My friend is dismissive when I try to talk about my body.15:24 Our bodies have often been used as tools of...
It's only human to want the traditional NVC formula to solve all our connection problems.However, what the traditional observation, feelings, needs and request paradigm often does best is help us sort our own stuff out internally, first. After we use it to get our own stuff straight, then we can experiment with the best way to connect with those around us.Want to experience this with a real life example? Here's what we discuss on this week's episode:3:31 When identifying fee...
Do you find yourself plotting out how you're going to respond to someone even while they're still talking to you?We all do this.And it never works well. Not for any of us.Upleveling our listening skills is one of the most important upgrades we can make for our relationships. Today's episode is rich with ideas of where to focus during a conversation in order to create an experience that fosters intimacy and connection for both parties.We discuss:1:20 I'm defensive and I jump...
In this week's mini-episode, we delve into the needs that can be met when our family steps up to contribute to our lives in meaningful, important ways, and the loneliness and grief that can occur when they are no longer willing to help.We discover:2:53 My brother-in-law doesn't want to help me anymore and my feelings are hurt7:30 A script for checking things out 11:27 Ways to honor freedom and choice— Thank you for tuning in. Remember to subscribe so you get notified wh...
Having good boundaries is not the same as being violent, and enforcing rules is not coercion.In this week's episode, we unpack a professor's desire to limit coercion and violence in her classroom and her desire to create a tight container that supports and respects participant sharing.We consider:2:52 Can mandatory attendance be in line with nonviolence?10:52 How can I create a tight container nonviolently?11:46 Having good boundaries is not the same as being violent.— Thank...
It can be hard to enjoy work f you're in a power up/power down situation with a boss who consistently criticizes you.It is especially challenging if you don't trust the perspective that your supervisor has.In today's mini-episode, we discuss strategies for handling criticism at work in ways that build understanding and reduce tension. Although a clean and tidy resolution may not always be possible, it is an option to go to bat for yourself and your needs, while also actively listening t...
High self-esteem is important because it influences how individuals perceive themselves, interact with others, and navigate the world around them. By fostering healthy self-esteem, individuals can cultivate resilience, confidence, and well-being, laying the foundation for a fulfilling and satisfying life.When our self-esteem is lower than we'd like, there's one fool-proof way to bolster it: by resting in our own goodness. This week's podcast discusses some practical steps we c...
It can be really valuable to talk about the difference between anger and aggression.Although aggression can't exist outside of violence, anger can.This week's podcast discusses some of the wisdom that can present itself alongside anger, such as clarity surrounding needs, understanding regarding self-worth, insight around boundaries, and awareness concerning relational patterns.Interested in knowing more? We'll consider:1:30 Unpacking "I don't want to go to school today."8:30 Responding ...
These days, it can be so difficult to discuss politics and religion.Often, people tell me they just avoid those conversations. And honestly, I get it.However, if we're invested in co-creating a relationship with someone we care about, exploring places where we hold different opinions and beliefs can be exactly the place where we build intimacy.Looking for a roadmap on how to have conversations around different beliefs? Check this episode out!We'll discuss:1:17 I'm con...
This week's episode focuses on how to navigate complex family dynamics - especially when what has previously worked is no longer sustainable.A common theme on this week's podcast is the importance of checking for alignment. If we're aligned in our needs and our wishes, then designing strategies to meet our goals is easier.In question number one, a caller is rediscovering his sense of self and discovering the language needed in order to set new boundaries around old family dynamics. &nbs...