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Dad Starting Over
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Welcome to the Dad Starting Over podcast! "Starting Over" means different things to different people. It could be that you're newly divorced and starting over fresh with a new life. It could be that you're still married and wanting to hit the reset button and finally do things right within your marriage. Whatever your story may be, you're in the right place.
I'm Ralph, a.k.a DSO, the author of books called "The Dead Bedroom Fix", "Divorce Panic", "Real Talk" and "Red Flags". You can learn more about me, my books, one-on-one coaching, and the member-only part of my site called the Brotherhood at https://helpformen.com
I'm Ralph, a.k.a DSO, the author of books called "The Dead Bedroom Fix", "Divorce Panic", "Real Talk" and "Red Flags". You can learn more about me, my books, one-on-one coaching, and the member-only part of my site called the Brotherhood at https://helpformen.com
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This letter hit hard.A woman writes in to share her story: 20 years of marriage. Zero sex. She thought he had a medical issue. Turns out, he was sleeping with nearly 100 sex workers behind her back. And now… he wants to reconcile.In this video, I break down what’s really going on here—from the psychology behind sex addiction and shame, to the heartbreaking reality of codependency and emotional devastation.This story isn’t just about one woman’s pain. It’s a wake-up call for both men and women trapped in toxic dynamics.✅ Want to submit your story for a future video?Go to https://deardso.com🌐The HFM Brotherhood (private group for men only): https://helpformen.com/join
Men ask me all the time: “Why can’t I stop thinking about her past?” You know she had a life before you… but that doesn’t stop your brain from obsessing over every ex, every hookup, every “what if.”This is retroactive jealousy. And it’s more common — and more damaging — than most guys realize.In this episode, I’ll explain the science behind it, how it messes with your head, and what you can do to finally get some peace. This isn’t about shaming you. It’s about helping you understand your own mind — so you can stop sabotaging something good.🔹 Join the Brotherhood (private support group for men):https://helpformen.com/join
Why does it feel like the therapist is always on your case, even when your wife is the one shutting down emotionally?In this video, I explain why anxious men—like many of you—end up being the focus in therapy sessions... and it’s not because the therapist is against you. It's because you're actually the one most likely to change and grow.We’ll talk science, psychology, and real-life patterns I’ve seen in hundreds of men who come to Help For Men. I’ll walk you through:Why anxious men are more likely to do the workWhy avoidant women tend to resist therapyWhat the data says about who actually becomes secureHow your own healing can change the relationship—or your entire lifeIf you're tired of dragging your wife to therapy while getting all the blame, this one's for you.✅ Join the Brotherhood today: https://helpformen.com/join✅ Read The Dead Bedroom Fix: https://deadbedroomfix.com
A lot of men joke about single women dying alone with 12 cats... but here’s the truth: that’s projection.Men are facing a loneliness crisis. We isolate ourselves, chase careers across the country, let friendships die, and pretend we’re fine being “lone wolves.” Then we wake up in our 40s, 50s, and 60s and realize—we’ve built a resume, not a life.In this video, I break down why so many men end up disconnected, how modern culture pushes us to go it alone, and most importantly—what we can do about it.If you're tired of the silence and ready to start building real connection again, you're not alone. This is your wake-up call.👉 Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join
Most men carry shame. But they don’t talk about it—especially when it comes to sex.They were raised to be "good boys," "nice guys," and "respectful partners"... but underneath that, many are dealing with something toxic: sexual shame. It wrecks their confidence. It kills their desire. And it silently poisons their relationships.In this video, I break down how sexual shame develops in men, how it fuels codependency and dead bedrooms, and what it takes to finally own who you are as a man—without guilt, without apology.👉 If this hits home, join hundreds of other men doing the work inside the HFM Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join📚 Recommended books mentioned:No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert GloverFacing Codependence by Pia MellodyHealing the Shame That Binds You by John Bradshaw
Dating after divorce is a minefield—and if you haven't been single since your twenties, you're stepping into a completely different world.In this video, I break down what actually happens when men re-enter the dating market after a long-term relationship. I cover the emotional aftermath of divorce, the brutal realities of modern dating apps, what women are looking for now, and how to rebuild yourself into a man who wins in today’s dating world.This isn’t about cheesy pickup lines or pretending to be something you’re not. This is about becoming the kind of man who attracts quality women—because he’s done the work.✅ What we’ll cover:Why dating today is nothing like it used to beThe most common mistakes divorced men makeWhat modern women are REALLY looking forHow to flirt, vet, and build real connection againHow to avoid getting used, scammed, or heartbroken all over again🎯 Want help becoming the man you were meant to be? Join the HFM Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join Get support from hundreds of men just like you.
Every man has felt it—that wild rush of lust, energy, and connection in the beginning of a relationship. You can’t stop thinking about her. You’re having sex like teenagers. It feels like you finally “found the one.”That’s the honeymoon stage… and it’s biology.In this episode, I break down what’s really going on inside your body (and hers) during the early phase of a relationship—dopamine, oxytocin, testosterone, all of it. But more importantly, I explain why it doesn’t last… and what happens after the chemicals fade.If you’re struggling in a sexless marriage or wondering where the passion went—this will make sense of everything.📘 Want to fix your dead bedroom? ➡️ https://deadbedroomfix.com 🎥 Watch the free video course: ➡️ https://deadbedroomfixcourse.com
In this Dear DSO, a military husband opens up about his wife emotionally and physically checking out of their marriage. After three kids, mood swings, and now being on SSRIs for anxiety, she’s not the same woman he married. No sex for nine months. He does 95% of the parenting while she’s glued to her phone and in nursing school. Is he being anxious… or is it time to walk?We talk about the mental health toll, the “mom bot” transformation, the impact of meds on libido, and what men in this position can realistically do. You’re not alone.🔹 Submit your story at: https://deardso.com 🔹 Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join
A 65-year-old woman wrote in with a gut-wrenching story. After 42 years of being married to a man who never listens, never remembers their anniversary, and always puts his own priorities first, she's wondering if it's time to finally walk away.She’s tried everything—even picked up The Dead Bedroom Fix hoping for one last Hail Mary. But this story? It’s way too familiar. Men, if you think women don’t deal with this kind of thing too, think again.Let’s talk about what happens when you realize—after decades—that the person you're with isn't going to change.💬 Want to send your story? Go to https://deardso.com
In this Dear DSO submission, a man reaches out from the middle of an eight-year sexless marriage. He’s passive, anxious, and paralyzed by confusion—and he’s not alone. So many men fall into this trap.In this episode, I walk through his message and break down what’s really going on here: the anxious attachment, the avoidant wife, the therapy cycles that go nowhere, and the desperation that leads men to stay stuck for years. I also bring up a common thread I see in my community: many of these guys are neurodivergent—autistic, ADHD, or OCD—and they bond fast and deep, which makes walking away feel impossible.If this sounds like your story, you’re not crazy—but you do need help. Watch to the end to hear what this man should do next—and what you can do if you’re stuck too.🚨 Submit your own question or story at: https://deardso.com 👥 Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join
Seventeen years of marriage. Three kids. Nice house. Dead bedroom for almost a decade. Then, during an argument, she looks him in the eye and says the words that’ll haunt him forever: “I’m just not attracted to you anymore.”No yelling. No drama. Just a calm, matter-of-fact gut punch.This is what happens when a woman has emotionally and physically checked out — and finally wants you to get the message. In today’s Dear DSO submission, I break down why this happens, what it really means, and what your options are when your wife finally says what she’s been feeling for years.This one hits hard.🎯 Need support? Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join
Why do so many women in long-term relationships cheat—and often with men who seem like total losers?In this video, I break down the science behind two popular theories about female infidelity: the Mate Switching Hypothesis and the Dual Mating Strategy. One of these is more “romantic.” The other is... well, it’s the one most men fear deep down.We’ll look at the latest research—including a 2024 study co-authored by Macken Murphy—and how it lines up with what I’ve heard from thousands of men in sexless marriages or reeling from betrayal.This is hard to hear. But if you want real answers, here they are.Join The HFM Brotherhood!
So many men ask me the same question: "How do I know when I've done enough?" They’ve put in the work. They’ve read the books. They’ve hit the gym, led with strength, stayed patient—and still… she avoids connection.In today’s Dear DSO, Alejandro writes in with a story that I’ve heard far too many times. A disconnected wife. Years of emotional avoidance. A man trying to fix things alone.I break it all down—how much responsibility is really on the man… and when it’s okay to say: “I’ve done all I can.”👇 And if you’re in the same boat? You’re not alone. Check out the Brotherhood at https://helpformen.com/join
A husband finds out—after 12 years of marriage and two kids—that he was never his wife's first choice. After a night of drinks and a fight, she admitted she "settled" for him and still thinks about her college ex.This is brutal. And it’s more common than you think.In this video, I break down his story, talk about what’s really going on in situations like this, and explain why some women end up choosing comfort over passion... until it all boils over.If you're a man trying to make sense of your relationship, sex life, or identity as a husband and father… you're not alone.👇 Here’s how you can get more help:🔹 Join the Brotherhood – a private support group for men like you: https://helpformen.com/join
In this Dear DSO episode, I respond to a man who saw the signs early on—but kept going. She told him who she was from the beginning. The problem? He didn’t listen.We talk about the consequences of ignoring red flags, the fantasy that keeps men trapped, and why your gut instinct is often your best guide.If you’ve ever thought, “I should’ve known better,” this one’s for you.Join The HFM Brotherhood!
Today’s Dear DSO submission is from a neurodivergent man—he’s got ADHD, a lot of anxiety, and not much dating experience. He feels like he’s defective, like he’ll never figure out how to talk to women or attract them. He sent in a long list of brutally honest questions:“How do I feel confident when women have all the power?”“How do I not look needy just by showing interest?”“Do normal guys really know what they’re doing?”This one hit hard, and I think a lot of men—especially autistic or ADHD guys—are going to relate.In this video, I break down where these feelings of shame come from, why experience and repetition are more powerful than any pickup advice, and how to start small and work your way up. This isn't about fake confidence. This is about getting real, falling on your face, and standing back up.👉 If you want support from other guys going through this same journey, check out the Brotherhood:https://helpformen.com/join
Most men don’t see it coming—until their marriage is on life support.One day she’s your best friend and lover… the next, she’s distant, irritable, and completely checked out. You think you did something wrong. You didn’t.In this video, I break down the biological and psychological changes that happen during menopause—how they affect your wife, your relationship, and what you can do about it. This is a wake-up call for every man who wants to stay married in midlife.Join The HFM Brotherhood!
This one’s brutal. A 36-year-old man marries a 49-year-old woman who insisted they wait until marriage for sex. Two years in, he’s still never touched her. No sex. No intimacy. Nothing.He’s confused, frustrated, and finally waking up after reading The Dead Bedroom Fix.This is a classic case of mismatched libidos, avoidant behavior, and religious guilt. If you’re in a sexless relationship and wondering, "Is this normal?"—watch this.✉️ Got a story to share? Submit it at https://deardso.com 🧠 Want help from guys who’ve been there? Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join
Mr. K wrote in with a story that’s, sadly, all too familiar. He blames himself for a relationship that was dysfunctional from day one. She showed no attraction. She weaponized sex. She even stopped showering to repel him — and kept a log of when he initiated.He thinks he’s the problem.But here’s the truth: Some relationships are doomed from the beginning. And some men — especially anxious or neurodivergent men — miss every red flag because they’re too busy blaming themselves.In this Dear DSO episode, I walk through Mr. K’s situation and what it reveals about codependence, attraction, and the importance of walking away when a woman shows you who she is. If you’ve ever wondered, “What did I do wrong?”… this one’s for you.⚠️ Want to submit your own story? Go to https://deardso.com 🎙 Want real support from real men? Join us: https://helpformen.com/join
Have you ever looked back at a relationship and thought, “What the hell was that?”You were loyal. Honest. Steady. She was chaos.This happens all the time to autistic men—diagnosed or not. They end up in emotionally volatile relationships with women who may have traits of borderline personality disorder. These women are intense, manipulative, unpredictable… and the autistic man, with his calming and consistent energy, is the perfect target.In this video, I explain why this dynamic happens, what signs to watch for, and how to protect yourself from getting trapped in a relationship that feels more like emotional warfare than love.▶️ Need support? Join the Brotherhood: https://helpformen.com/join
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I listen to this 3 times. The fact of the matter is like he said. he's damaged and sick, and I'm sure he left out vital details about his behavior with this young woman in this interview, that resulted in her distancing herself from him. you can tell he's super controlling because of his fear of being vulnerable and getting hurt. otherwise I was intrigued by his story.