Dads And Daddies

Judson and Brian commiserate over sudden end-of-year demands at work and compare notes on the time they will spend with family over the holidays, including how they each set (or try to set) the necessary boundaries. Judson then educates Brian on the concept of “fraysexuality” before welcoming writer, performer, curator and creator/host of the podcast “Giants in the Sky,” Ben Rimalower, to the show.  Ben gets personal about his first-time boyfriend, balancing his desire for a relationship versus the autonomy of his single days, his struggles over the years with body image, his evolution into Daddyhood, and staying inspired in the face of a political regime he’s fought against for years. He then joins Judson and Brian in responding to a Go Ask Your Dad question from a listener who identifies as a top in a relationship with another top who wants to approach opening their relationship so they can both get their sexual needs met, but is coming up against his partner’s view of open relationships as unethical.

Judson and Brian catch up on the Thanksgiving preparations in Brian’s home, compare family rules to keep Sondheim out of Sundays and show tunes away from the dinner table, and recap their experiences recording their first live show.  They then discuss the various iterations of family in their lives - the biological families they grew up with, their nuclear families now, and their chosen, or logical, families. For this week’s Go Ask Your Dad, a listener who identifies as an active member of the leather/kink/bear community asks for advice on how to respond to people who approach him online with desires which he feels exposes the fact that they may be putting themselves in unsafe situations.

It’s Judson and Brian’s first live show! Recorded at The Cockpit downstairs at Daniel Nardicio’s Redeye NY, a towel-clad Judson and Brian chat about Judson’s 7th anniversary off crystal meth, Brian’s elder daughter’s 9th birthday party, and reviews of Anora, Wicked, and the Broadway musical version of Death Becomes Her before welcoming one of the most influential forces in queer culture, David Lauterstein, to the podcast.  Co-founder and CEO of the iconic fashion brand Nasty Pig and author of the newly-released memoir Sodomy Gods, David joins Judson and Brian to talk about 30 years of championing sex positivity, the potential for sharing queer generational knowledge, concerns about the LGBTQ+ community fragmenting, and demystifying the blockers keeping one from pursuing their dreams. David then helps Judson and Brian answer a series of Go Ask Your Dad questions submitted by people in the audience, including one about introducing Daddy/Son roleplay into a relationship where both members feel more like a Daddy than a Son.

Judson and Brian alternately celebrate and lament the actual arrival of fall as Brian prepares for the coming season of birthdays and holidays in his household, including a fashion show-themed slumber party for his 9-year-old, and Judson prepares for his father’s celebration of life. They then dive deep into an exploration of the ins, outs, highs, and lows of hooking up with men who are not their husbands, from the challenges of making a hookup happen to the importance (or not) of face pics to the inevitable flaking and ghosting, to how they share their hookup experiences with their husbands. They end by addressing a listener's question about whether one can be a Daddy from any position other than top.

Judson and Brian recap their initial reactions to the election results, including Brian’s escape to the new Broadway musical Maybe Happy Ending and the new movie A Real Pain. Judson shares the music, TV show, and book getting him through the week. They then move into a deeper exploration of Self-Care. They discuss what Self-Care means and looks like for each of them, from finding pursuits that fulfill their needs to be of service, to feel valuable, and to be creative to Judson’s daily practice of “The Palm” – the five categories of activity he needs to accomplish each day to feel whole. They end with a Go Ask Your Dad question from a listener who considers himself monogamous but has fallen for someone who does not practice monogamy.

Recorded this past March (don’t worry, Judson is back on the apps by now), Judson and Brian chat about taking fashion cues from younger generations, making sex efficient, parents’ influence over their kids’ tastes, and go deep into the myth that gay men with money are entirely self made. They explore how each approaches financial responsibilities as married gay men, the relationship between gay identity and consumerism, and respond to a listener question about when to bring up the desire to have kids during the early stages of dating.

Judson shares some very personal news before moving into a recap of his recent trip to Las Vegas. Judson and Brian are then joined by award-winning playwright, author and performer Isaac Oliver. Isaac gives the two a sneak peek into his exciting projects–the upcoming Broadway musical ‘Just In Time’ starring Jonathan Groff, for which he’s co-writing the book, and the upcoming TV series, ‘Etoile,’ Amy Sherman-Palladino’s follow-up to ‘The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,’ which he describes as a workplace comedy set in the world of Ballet, and on which he is a writer. The three then discuss the virtues of sex workers, the difference between sensual and erotic massage, and Judson and Brian’s recent discovery of the oral sex-forward hookup app, TheBlowers.  They then move into a Halloween-inspired sharing of Hookup Horror Stories–their own, and some submitted by listeners. They end by providing very different but complementary answers to a Go Ask Your Dad question from a listener looking for tips to improve their oral sex techniques.

Judson and Brian compare their pop diva icons and share their review of the super fun DRAG: The Musical. Judson prepares to be best man at his brother’s Las Vegas wedding and Brian may have met his match when it comes to prioritizing kissing.  The two then go deep into the subject of group sex – the logistics of making it happen, how to make sure each person involved receives appropriate attention, the ideal number for a group, the differences between enjoying group activity with their husbands versus others, and whether or not it works to include friends.  They end with a Go Ask Your Dad question from a listener who asks how and when to tell someone that the roleplay they’re entering into may be drifting into territory he’s not comfortable with.

Inspired by the change of seasons and the approach of the winter holidays, Judson and Brian chat about Jewish Christmas Envy and Judson’s penchant for making matzo balls.  They then celebrate Judson’s wedding anniversary and National Coming Out Day by sharing their stories about how they each came out to their parents. They close with a Go Ask Your Dad question from a listener who asks what to do when a regular hookup tells him that he’s living with an STI that he’s treating and has under control.

Judson celebrates his patriotism and then elaborates on three curious text messages he sent Brian over the course of the week.  Brian tells Judson about taking his family to Council Bluffs, Iowa, to see Chappell Roan in concert. The two are then joined by the amazing Molly Roden Winter, New York Times bestselling author of More: A Memoir of Open Marriage. Judson, Brian and Molly go deep into discussing the similarities and differences of open relationships for gay and straight couples, and what each can learn from the other. Molly and Judson then help Brian who brings his own Go Ask Your Dad question, and provide their advice on how he should respond to a text from a straight woman who wants to set him up with her friend who is new to open relationships.

Judson counsels Brian on his continuing saga of the hookup that just won’t happen. The two are then joined by Dr. Israel Martinez, author of the new book, “Enhancing Pleasure for Gay Men: A Clinical Guide for Healing and Acceptance Through Better Sex.” Israel talks to Judson and Brian about shame and validation, the concept of Responsive Arousal, his own Daddy issue around the pressure to have kids, and what self care looks like for him. Israel also joins the two in helping a listener process how his lack of a father figure growing up impacted his masculinity.

Judson analyzes his recent ambivalence about sex and reveals he’s having a “Bottom Autumn.” Brian shares his daughter’s follow-up questions on the sex talk and comes clean about why he may have sounded so jealous on the recent Jealousy episode. The two then compare how they each answer the age-old question asked on the apps, “Into?,” and dive into an exploration of kinks.  They end by offering advice to a listener who’s having trouble getting the last guest to leave at the sex parties he throws.

Judson receives some unwanted attention.  Brian has “the talk” with his 8 year-old.  Then, Bob Levine, celebrating 69 years as both drag icon Rose Levine and as a denizen of Cherry Grove, sits down with Judson and Brian at the Belvedere Guest House for Men as he prepares for Rose's Green Room 42 debut next month. Subject of the documentary “Roseland: The Ballad of Bob Levine,” Bob lets Judson and Brian in on the secret to his happy life, and recounts seven decades of gay history through the lens of Fire Island. To close, a listener asks what tips for visiting the Island our Dad and Daddy might suggest for a first-timer who finds it intimidating.

Brian shares his review of “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.” Judson recounts how an Instagram ad for mushrooms led to getting his ears pierced. The two then compare notes on their experiences of jealousy and envy in their open marriages. They close by counseling a listener who confesses that neither he nor his partner are all that comfortable initiating sex.

This week’s episode begins with a celebration of Judson’s home state of Ohio and a post-mortem on Brian’s most recent visit to a sex party.  The two then dive into an exploration of sex while traveling – from the sampling of the sex on offer at various destinations across the globe to how our sexual behaviors, interests and tastes may change while on vacation.  They close with a travel-related Go Ask Your Dad in which a listener wants advice on how to navigate wanting to travel without one’s partner.