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Dead Jester Productions Podcast
Author: jmoskers
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© Copyright 2014 Josh M.. All rights reserved.
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The DJP Podcast is a wide-variety topic podcast hosted by jmoskers, iiFatee, and a range of co-hosts and guests. Conversations are random, and can often turn downright insane. Uploaded weekly, and feel free to stop by the Patreon page to be in-the-know!
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With the guards out of the way, the Heroes needed only to claim their prize. They found an exit from the arena and made their way down a tunnel. As they emerged into a hallway, they saw the fantastically dressed man making his escape with the large red jewel. He turned his head to see the Heroes and their party, and let out a loud yelp before sprinting away.
They chased after him, not willing to let him escape with their hard earned prize. A few guards step into the hallway from a side passage, but were quickly dispatched. A Young Man wielding a spear and a Young Woman wearing spiked gauntlets knocked two of them aside, while the third was pummeled by one of the villagers who appeared to have developed some vampiric features in his face.
They continued on, much faster the fantastically dressed man who wore a horrified look as he saw them gaining on him. As he rounded a corner, he screamed loudly as he realized he had run into a dead end. He entered a door, finding himself in a small bedroom reserved for their most lauded fighters. He saw an armoire and quickly his himself inside.
He peered out through a small crack in the door, hoping the Heroes would lose track of him. He held his breath in fear as the door to the room opened. He saw the sinister look on the Jester 's face as he grinned from the doorway. To the fantastically dressed man's surprise, the Jester closed the door without entering the room and seemingly left. The fantastically dressed man let out a small sigh of relief.
It was short lived - the doors to the armoire suddenly swung open as if on their own, and the the man let out a loud scream. He looked out, but saw nobody in the room with him. A small motion caught his eye, and he looked down at his feet. A small skeleton stood looking up at him. This disturbing creature had opened the doors.
The fantastically dressed man kicked the skeleton away, and its bones scattered across the room. He panicked, and ran for the door. Opening it, all of the air left his lungs as he was face to face with the Jester. Before he could react, the Jester grabbed him by his throat and dragged him into the hallway.
Throwing the fantastically dressed man to the ground, the Jester glanced around at the group behind him. They all watched on as the man begged for his life. He sobbed uncontrollably, finally offering up the giant red jewel. The Jester ripped it from his hands and handed it to the Female Combatant. Struck by the sudden generosity, she couldn't contain her emotions. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she repeatedly thanked the Heroes. She would be able to provide the orphanage with the lives the deserved.
Looking back at the fantastically dressed man, the Swordsman Hero crouched down to meet him eye to eye. The man had soiled himself, and continued to sob as he begged them to let him go free. The Swordsman Hero turned to the Warrior Hero, asking for his input. The Warrior Hero made a motion of pointing his thumb down, which only served to cause the man to cry out further.
The Swordsman Hero nodded to the Warrior Hero, then waved the Jester to the man. The Jester grabbed the man by his arm and pulled him back down the hallway toward the arena. The man screamed out, flailing around wildly in an attempt to break free. But it was no use.
They made their way onto the balcony that they had observed the fantastically dressed man on earlier, presenting him to what remained of the crowd. From where they stood, they were high above where the battle had taken place. A fall from this height would do wonders at changing one's appearance.
The crowd watched on nervously, unsure of what the Heroes were planning to do. The man grips the Jester's arms tightly, not wanting to fall. He begs the Jester to spare him, but only receives a terrifying grin in return.
The Heroes address the audience, telling them that such treachery cannot be allowed. They gesture to the remaining spoils of victory still sitting atop the balcony. The crowd will be left to decide the fantastically dressed man's fate. Should they find themselves some treasure in the process nobody would bat an eye.
The Swordsman Hero motions to the Jester, and the Heroes and their party leave the balcony with only the Jester and the fantastically dressed man behind. As the Jester's grip loosens, the man lets out a scream. He falls briefly, before suddenly coming to a halt, his shirt pulling up under his armpits and holding him in place.
He looks up to see that the Jester had stabbed a knife into the railing of the balcony through his shirt. The tear was slowly increasing in size, and wouldn't hold him for long. The man desperately tries to pull himself up, but only rips his shirt further in the process. The crowd storms the balcony, and the man begs them to help him. They look over to him, and then back to the treasure. The Jester walked away before seeing their decision.
A short while later, the Heroes graciously leave the Female Combatant at the orphanage and instruct her on how to sell the giant red jewel. She would need to be smart with the money, as many people would likely come looking for it. She continued to thank them repeatedly, promising that one day she would find them and go on an adventure with them.
The left her behind and met up with their party at the largest tavern in the city. The tavern is alive with noise and energy, the air thick with the mingling scents of roasted meats, spilled ale, and the earthy scent of firewood crackling in the large hearth.
The Heroes sit at the center of the room, their presence commanding attention despite the spectacle of individuals that surrounds them. Their armor, still bearing scratches and dents from the recent battle, gleams in the firelight. They laugh and talk animatedly with their companions. The party continued well into the night, with the Jester playing music loud enough to cause the royal guard to sheepishly arrive and ask for them to quiet down.
In the morning the various villagers and companions set off to return home, all carrying a small bag of treasure taken from the arena's coffers. They would return as heroes to their villages, bringing tales of glory, though they really only served as a show of strength.
The Heroes turned to the Warrior Hero. He explained to them that he had borrowed some concoction from the healer's hut. She had explained to him that he would need it, but never explained further. He had healed entirely, and his return to his friends was only slowed by the arrival of the others. The healer had sent word that the Heroes that had defeated the mighty beholder and protected multiple villages would require assistance and all that had received her word had responded.
The Heroes looked at the cobbled streets of the city, having forgotten entirely their reason for venturing there in the first place. They smiled at one another, walking toward the city gate. As they crossed its threshold, they prepared themselves for whatever adventure awaited them. Their excitement for the unknown filled their faces with joy, apparently drowning out the sound of the messenger from the royal family that had chased after them desperately since their arrival in the city.
To be continued.....?
Once the Heroes had regrouped, they looked up to the large seating platform. The fantastically dressed man looked down at them with utter disdain. Their antics had removed all of the other competitors. Not only that, the creatures in the cages had been subdued by the small skeletons before they could even be set loose. The entire spectacle had been thrown into chaos. There could be no further rounds of competition.
The Jester pointed at the fantastically dressed man, as if asking for him to award them their prize. What he received in response was not the large red jewel, but the fantastically dressed man storming away shouting. This was immediately followed up by the sound of loud horns. These were not triumphant, but rather a gathering of guards. They flooded the arena, quickly surrounding the Heroes.
The Heroes readied their weapons once more, facing down dozens of guards. The Female Combatant nervously readied her damaged axes, unsure of how they would get through this new predicament. She knew the Heroes were strong, but fighting an unorganized group of mercenaries and arena hopefuls was much different than an organized royal guard.
As the guards began to close in on the Heroes, a loud cracking sound could be heard from just outside the arena. The crowd erupted in a wave of panic, their joyous cheers for the battle turning into terrified screams as the first signs of danger rippled through the arena. Spectators in the stands scrambled to their feet, pushing and shoving, desperate to escape the impending catastrophe.
As they made way, a large blast shot through the stands sending pieces of debris falling onto the arena. One unfortunate combatant was hit across the face with. piece of stone, sending blood and the remainder of both of his teeth flying into the dirt. A massive hole had been blown into the arena from the outside.
As the dust cleared, the Heroes saw a figure standing in the newly formed gap. The Warrior Hero triumphantly walked into the arena, happy to see his old friends again. As he did so, other shadows emerged behind him. Old friends that the Heroes had met on their journey had joined the Warrior Hero on his trek, eager to assist those that had helped them.
It was a sight to behold, and the crowd watched on in terror. Though they feared for their safety, they could not look away. The ragtag gang made their way into the arena behind the royal guards, ready for combat. The royal guards had been sure of their position, but now found themselves outnumbered. They threw down their weapons in defeat.
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The Swordsman Hero turned to the Female Combatant while offering a faint smile, one that seemed more playful than anything. The Woman nodded at her, adjusting the strap of her quiver. It was as if to say that there was always another fight and not to dwell on one victory. The Jester cackled loudly again, giving the Female Combatant a playful wink.
The Female Combatant blinked, her awe slowly turning into admiration. These weren’t just fighters - they were legends in the making, and they carried the weight of their battles with a quiet grace she had never seen before. She realized then that she had much to learn, not just about fighting, but about the calmness, the confidence, and the camaraderie that came with being part of something greater. Then she remembered the bizarre demeanor they had shown and wondered if they were really the Heroes they seemed to be.
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The Jester, nursing his bruised ribs from the large man’s final strike, cackled under his breath. He struggled to his feet, wincing but grinning all the same. He cradled his mandolin like an old friend, strumming a soft tune that seemed to mock the intensity of the fight they had just endured. His eyes danced with mischief, as if to mock the effort put forth by their competitors.
But it was their ally, the Female Combatant, who stood frozen in awe. She had been watching from the sidelines, her heart pounding with every clash of weapons, every arrow loosed, every spell cast. Now, as the three warriors brushed off the dirt and blood like it was nothing, she found herself struggling to find words.
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As the dust settled, the crowd’s roar continued to echo through the arena. Yet, amid the cheers, The Swordsman Hero, The Woman, and The Jester remained calm, their victory feeling almost inevitable. For them, this was just another battle in a long line of skirmishes they had faced together.
The Swordsman Hero wiped the blood from his blades with a casual flick, then sheathed them without a word. His eyes swept over the arena, checking to see if any other combatants would dare stand in their way. He saw only defeated opponents. He nodded once to The Woman and The Jester, a quiet acknowledgment of their teamwork.
The Woman bent to retrieve an arrow that had landed in the dirt. She inspected it briefly, ensuring it was still usable, then tucked it back into her quiver. Her expression remained calm and composed as she moved with practiced ease. It was as though she had just completed another day’s work, rather than helping take down a giant foe in front of thousands of spectators.
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The Woman saw her opening. She fired another arrow, this time aiming for the large man’s exposed neck. The arrow flew true, sinking deep into his flesh. He staggered back, clutching at the wound, but he wasn’t done yet. With a final, desperate roar, the large man swung his hammer in a wide arc. It caught The Jester off guard, sending him flying across the arena. The Jester laughed as he crumpled to the ground, his music falling silent.
The distraction was enough. The Swordsman Hero lunged forward, his swords a blur as he delivered the final strike. The large man fell to his knees, his hammer slipping from his grasp and thudding into the dirt. The Woman lowered her bow, breathing hard, and walked over to the fallen Jester. He grinned up at her, despite the pain.
The Female Combatant watched as the Swordsman Hero stood tall over the large man, his swords dripping with blood. The crowd erupted in cheers, but she didn’t hear them. Her eyes were on the Heroes, awestruck by the skill that had carried them through the fight.
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The Woman moved swiftly to the side, releasing arrows with deadly precision. They whizzed through the air, aiming for the gaps in the large man’s movements. He swatted them away with his hammer, but one slipped through and grazed his arm. He growled in pain, his attention splitting between the relentless swordsman and the sharp-eyed archer.
The Jester cackled from the sidelines, his fingers plucking a haunting melody on his mandolin. Dark magic swirled around him, and shadows seemed to crawl across the ground, reaching out like tentacles to grasp at the large man. The magic caught his attention, giving The Swordsman Hero a chance to slip behind him and land a clean cut across his back.
The large man howled in rage, spinning around with a massive sweep of his hammer. The Swordsman Hero narrowly dodged, rolling away just in time as the hammer slammed into the dirt, leaving a crater where he had stood moments before.
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Rolling back to his feet, the large man shook off the charred remains of his shirt. As it fell to the ground, it revealed the burns covering the man's torso. Blood dripped from the wounds, staining the dirt at his feet. The tension grew, with the crowd falling silent as they were entranced in the spectacle.
The audience watched on as the large man roared and charged forward, his hammer raised high. The Swordsman Hero met him head-on, his swords dancing in a flurry of strikes that clanged against the massive hammer. Each blow sent shockwaves through the arena, dust rising from the impact of metal on metal.
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The Swordsman Hero motioned to the Jester, who muttered something to himself. The Woman readied an arrow, aiming it at the large man. As he gathered his composure, the large man looked at the Heroes around him to plot his next move. He slowly inched forward in attempt to not give away his plan of attack, but the Heroes weren't concerned. They launched their assault before the large man could make his move.
The Woman let loose her arrow, forcing a reactionary dodge out of the large man. This caused him to duck directly into the path of the Swordsman Hero's blades. The large man brought his giant hammer up to block them, but was hit from the side by a small fireball. He tumbled to the ground, rolling to the ground to put out the flame gripping his clothes.
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As he gasped for air, the large man brought his hands up to the bowstring in an effort to pull it off of his neck. He tugged with all his might, pulling the bow back over his head, along with the Woman still holding on. She flew over him, landing on her feet in front of him. He swung a fist at her, and she ducked aside. Regaining his composure, he readied a follow up before being caught across the face with a kick from the Swordsman Hero.
The large man had quickly grown tired of dealing with the three heroes. He charged at the Swordsman Hero, causing him to leap out of the way. The large man rolled while picking his hammer back up, bringing it up in a sweeping motion as he continued his flowing movement. The Swordsman Hero narrowly avoided the strike, realizing that they could no longer keep playing with the large man.
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The Jester deftly leapt over the large hammer, throwing some dust into the eyes of the large man. He attempted to shake it off, only to be interrupted by the feeling of an arrow lodging itself into his thigh. He grunted in pain, and turned to face the Woman. He charged at her quickly, readying his hammer. As he prepared to bring it down upon her he felt it stop mid-swing. He quickly turned around to find that the Swordsman Hero had grabbed onto the head of the hammer, and was using all of his strength to keep it in place.
The large man let go of the hammer, letting the full weight of the massive weapon fall down upon the Swordsman Hero and drop him to the ground. The large man swung a kick into the Swordsman Hero's face, but was blocked by the Jester with a well placed kick of his own. The large man readied a follow up attack, but was pulled backwards as a bowstring was pulled around his neck.
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The Swordsman Hero stood in front of the Female Combatant, preventing her from engaging in further combat with the large man. She watched on as the Jester and Woman prepared to fight. The dust cloud parted, revealing the large man to be swinging both his hammer and the small skeletons hanging off of it. Tiny bones fell to the ground, with the small skeletons looking completely dismayed.
The Woman readied an arrow, and fired it at the large man. He ducked away from it, regaining his balance only to find the Jester standing directly before him. The Jester brought his knee up, slamming it into the jaw of the large man. Surprisingly, it only staggered him for a brief moment before he regained his composure and swung his large hammer at the Jester.
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The Man growled in anger, attempting to shake the small skeleton off of his hammer. To his disappointment, it wouldn't let go. He yelled in frustration, slamming his hammer into the ground. A plume of dust flew up into the air, enveloping the man in its embrace. The Female Combatant sprang to her feet - both appreciative of the assistance, yet disappointed in her inability to defeat the man on her own.
The Heroes grouped up near the Female Combatant, with the Swordsman Hero motioning for her to step aside. She began to protest, but quickly realized that she had a large gash on her forehead. Blood poured down across her face, and she quickly reached into her bag to grab some bandages.
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As the large man rushed at her, the Female Combatant leapt directly at him. He swung his hammer, and she deftly ducked beneath it before bringing both of her axes down at his knees. With a level of agility reserved for men a third his size, the large man leapt into the air - his feet mere inches above the swing of the axes. As he touched back down, he let the momentum of his hammer carry him into a spin, bringing it back around directly at the Female Combatant.
The large hammer rocketed at the Female Combatant's face, leaving her no time to react. She braced to have her face crushed. She flinched, and as she did the hammer stopped dead in its movement. Her momentum carried her directly into it, bouncing her face off of it lightly and causing her to stumble to the side. Confused at what had happened, she turned to look back at the large man. To her surprise, he was as confused as she was. He held the hammer in his left hand, but in the middle of the hilt was a skeletal hand that hand sprung up from the dirt.
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The Female Combatant wiped the blood from her face, looking back up just in time to avoid the large man's hammer from crushing her head into the ground. She rolled to the side, swinging one of her axes and barely missing the large man's face. She quickly got back to her feet as he used his hammer to prop himself back up. Blood dripped from his injured calf, while sweat poured from his brow.
Slowly readjusting her axes in her hands, the Female Combatant readied to make her next move. A small cut on her forehead caused blood to run down into her eyes. She shook her head in an attempt to clear her vision, though it only served to have her hair spread blood across her face. The large man let out a loud grunt, then yelled as he charged at the Female Combatant once more.
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The large man turned and looked at The Heroes. He could see that they had not been subjected to the small skeleton's attack, and his face turned red with rage. The Female Combatant readied herself by pulling her two axes from their holsters at her sides. The large man wielded a massive black hammer, likely forged in the hottest flames the city's blacksmiths could manage. He raised it above his head and charged.
The Female Combatant Ran towards him, screaming in anticipation of the clashing of their weapons. As he swung his hammer down upon her she dove to the side, swinging her axes as hard as she could. Her blades caught him on his calf, causing him to stumble. As she rolled to her feet, she attempted to capitalize on the moment and lunged at his back. As she did, he brought his great hammer around with a single hand directly at her head. She parried it away with her axes, but was smashed backwards onto the dirt. Her entire upper body ached from the impact, and her axes had been pressed back into her face. Her nose was smashed in, and blood poured onto the dirt beneath her feet.
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As the Heroes watched on, the small skeletons grabbed and clawed at the other combatants. They clasped the legs of the unfortunate warriors, causing them to trip and fall. As they hit the ground, additional skeletons sprouted from the earth to hold them down. The arena was filled with the shouts and screams of the terrified men and women in the stands, horrified by what they were seeing.
After a few moments, the other combatants had been secured to the ground. The Heroes stood up to stretch, preparing to begin their search for the corresponding tablet they required. As they loosened, they heard loud grunting and shouting from one small part of the arena. They looked over to see a large, hulking fighter crushing the small skeletons under his feet. It seems not everyone would be so easy to contain.
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The other combatants roared with excitement, and prepared to sprint into combat. As one particularly large fighter took his first step, he felt a crunch under his boot. He looked down and saw a tiny pile of bones at his feet. He looked at it confusingly, not sure what to make of it. Before he could determine what was happening, the pile of bones moved - rapidly growing larger. He shrieked in fear, and attempted to take a step backward. As he did so, he collapsed to the ground while realizing his other foot had become stuck to the ground. He glanced over and saw a small skeleton held it in place. Quickly, a small group of the tiny monstrosities sprouted from the earth and enveloped the fighter as he screamed.
The Female Combatant watched on as the other groups were all terrorized by the small skeletons springing forth around them. The other Heroes didn't react, aside from the Jester who looked on enthusiastically at his work. The Female Combatant couldn't believe what she was seeing. She had heard of and experienced such magic herself before, though using it at such a scale was unheard of. She grew worried of the group of monsters she had joined.
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The Female Combatant worriedly looked at her companions, begging them to get up and get ready. The Swordsman Hero glanced over to her, and motioned for her to have a seat. Not understanding, she continued to plead with them. The Woman grew agitated, and swept the Female Combatant off of her feet with a swift leg kick. She fell to the ground, and was told to relax.
The fantastically dressed man suddenly appeared standing in the gallery alongside the large red jewel. He gestured to the audience, encouraging them to cheer louder. They roared in excitement, knowing the festivities were about to begin. The combatants slammed their weapons upon their shields, screaming in anticipation. As he ended his countdown, he flung his arms in the air, and an incredibly loud horn sounded.
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The Heroes and the Female Combatant emerge from their huddle, and turn back toward the center of the arena. The Jester muttered something to himself, and sat down upon the sandy ground. He placed his hands flat on the ground behind him, leaning back to take in the sun. The Female Combatant looked at him confused, then thought better of trying to determine his motives.
Looking around the arena, the other groups were ready. Some looked excited to be thrown into the bloody fray, while others nervously hoped they would be able to find a matching tablet discarded by a team that found it useless. The female combatant looked back at her allies and was shocked to see that the Swordsman Hero and Woman had also decided to begin sunning themselves. The Female Combatant felt her heart drop into her stomach.
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