Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

What should we expect from friends when we launch a new business or creative project like a book or a new company? Bestselling author Jackie Friedland joins me to wrestle with the messy feelings of disappointment, obligation, vulnerability, and gratitude that come with asking friends for support.Jackie opens up about the rollercoaster of releasing five books—sometimes surrounded by cheering friends and other times left disappointed. We talk about planning events, the strange universe of social media “likes,” asking for reviews, and why acquaintances and strangers sometimes show up more than our closest friends and family.If you’ve ever felt stung when friends (and family) didn’t show up for your “big thing,” or if you’ve struggled with how much to ask of the people you love, this episode will leave you feeling seen, understood, and maybe a little lighter. WE DISCUSS:The gap between the support we hope for from close friends and the support we actually get.Why acquaintances and even strangers often step up more than close friends.How much “obligation” belongs in friendship when someone is launching a creative or entrepreneurial project.The delicate balance between asking for support and fearing you’re being pushy.Social media support: why it feels so personal when friends scroll past our posts.Practical ways to be direct without being demanding—what you can reasonably ask of friends, and what might be unfair.LINKS MENTIONED:Jackie's newest novel is Counting BackwardsFind Jackie on Facebook, Instagram, and on her WebsiteDear Nina: The Group on Facebook MEET JACKIE FRIEDLAND:Jacqueline Friedland is the USA Today and Amazon bestselling author of both historical and contemporary women’s fiction. A graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and NYU Law School, she practiced as a commercial litigator for as long as she could stand it. She then returned to school to earn her Masters of Fine Arts in creative writing from Sarah Lawrence College and has been writing ever since.Jackie’s books have been awarded the 2020 and 2021 gold medals in fiction from Readers’ Favorite. Her novels have also been named the 2021 Kirkus Reviews Best Indie Book of the Year, the SheReads Best Book Club Pick of 2021, and the Women’s Fiction Writers Association Star finalist for 2022. She regularly reviews fiction for trade publications and appears at schools and other locations as a guest lecturer. Her fifth novel, Counting Backwards, was released by Harper Muse in March 2025.Jackie lives in Westchester, New York with her husband, four children, and two dogs. You can find her on Instagram @jackiefriedland, on Facebook @JacquelineFriedlandAuthor or through her website www.jacquelinefriedland.com. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

My dream for "Dear Nina" has always been to make people feel less alone in the messy parts of friendship. Episode #160 was our first-ever LIVE show with 120 people in the room—and wow, you could feel the energy, see the heads nodding, and appreciate the camaraderie of an audience who has experienced the highs and lows of friend groups.Friend groups are complicated. They can be the source of safety, belonging, and joy. But they can also be a source of exclusion, hurt, and longing. With my assistant producer and friend, Rebekah Jacobs, we dug into the messy, funny, and universal realities of friend groups from middle school cafeterias to mahj tables and even to the dining hall at the assisted living center.Why do groups feel so good AND so painful? Do you really need one to belong? And how do you help your kids (or yourself) when a group just isn’t working? This episode has laughter, applause, and some tough-but-true advice: go where the love is.LINKS MENTIONED:Dear Nina Newsletter (dearnina.substack.com)Facebook: Dear Nina: The GroupDr. Lisa Damour on Dear Nina, episode #65Gretchen Rubin on Dear Nina, episode #96My episode on Leslie Randolph's podcast, "Why Didn't They Tell Us?" episode #63: "Friendships and Fitting In""Is There a Gentle Way to Drop a Friend" episode 156 of the Ask Lisa PodcastThe final poem I read was from author Amy Weatherly of "Sister, I am With You." It can be found on their Facebook page, here. You can also hear Amy and Jess on Dear Nina, episode #86.SPECIAL THANK YOU to our North Shore live show sponsors & partners!🍹 @drinktwistedalchemy – cold-pressed juices at the bar🥂 @inspirotequila – crafted the signature cocktails🍰 @glickmanlevyresidential – sponsored the gorgeous dessert bar👗 @enazboutique – donated 15% of sales to the National Pediatric Cancer FoundationAnd thank you to these generous companies for contributing to the swag bags and/or the raffle!@workflowsbyronna, @dr.julia.milman, @glickmanlevyresidential, @kiddlessports, @lainetoo, @maijamartinphotography, @ohhappydayconfections, @pvolvedeerfield, @get_rootz, @rosshighlandpark, @talacoffeeroasters, @enazboutiqueALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

As parents, we all want our kids to be kind, inclusive, and compassionate. But what about when your child simply isn’t interested in a friendship? How do you balance kindness with their right to choose who they spend time with?This week, I revisit one of my earliest and most-loved conversations with award-winning author Jessica Speer, whose books help kids and tweens navigate the tricky terrain of friendships, including BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? and Middle School--Safety Goggles Advised.This isn’t just a tween and teen conversation. It's about us as parents. Many of us have been on both sides: watching our kids be left out and watching them leave someone else out. And just like in adult friendships, chemistry matters.Jessica shares practical language for kids to politely say “no,” stories from her own parenting experience (including a birthday party that went sideways from over-inclusion), and the importance of helping kids identify and grow healthy friendships.If you’ve ever wondered how to raise a kind kid who also has strong boundaries without becoming the parent who micromanages every friendship, this episode is for you.WE TACKLE:Teaching kids to treat others with dignity and warmth without sending the message they must be friends with everyone.Understanding “shared spaces” (the lunchroom or a sports team) versus private time (a sleepover or weekend hangout).The “romantic relationship” analogy: why we’d never force our kids to date someone they weren’t interested in, but often push friendships in that exact way.How to help kids gracefully decline plans without ghosting or hurting feelings unnecessarily.Recognizing when our own parental fears--especially about what other parents might think--are driving our actions.Why being overly included can backfire, and how too much forced inclusion can prevent kids from finding genuine, mutual friendships.LINKS & RESOURCES:Ep #73: "I'm Just Not Into This Friendship" with guest Ruchi Koval.Ask an anonymous question"What if My Kid is the Mean One" the August anonymous question on dearnina.substack.com. MEET JESSICA SPEER:Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised.Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and has a knack for writing about complex topics in a way that connects with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, screens, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit JessicaSpeer.com and Instagram @jessica_speer_author. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

The August Friendship Challenge on Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship is all about mixed-age friendships, and I’m grateful to dive into the topic with author Liz Alterman. Her latest novel, Claire Casey’s Had Enough, includes a beautiful friendship between a 46-year-old and a 78-year-old woman, which gave me the perfect reason to talk about why we all need a friend who’s not in our exact age and stage. August's challenge is to seriously consider having an older or younger friend in your life. (This might require a new routine or trying something other than what you're already doing week to week!)I’ve seen the benefits of intergenerational friendships in my own life. Sometimes I’m the younger friend, sometimes the older one, and both roles come with their own gifts. Liz and I talk about what it’s like to build and nurture these relationships.HIGHLIGHTS:Why mixed-age friendships can be a game changerHow Liz’s own intergenerational friendship with author Susan Roane (of How to Work a Room fame) and poet, Melissa Elder, influenced her work and her lifeThe push-and-pull of being the older or younger friend in a dynamic, and what each side uniquely brings to the tableHow to meet someone not in your age bracket (hint: try something new, say yes more often, and follow the chemistry)💡My biggest takeaway from this episode? You’re not going to meet a mixed-age friend by doing the same old things. You have to get out of your comfort zone, try something new, and follow the chemistry—then be brave enough to make a move.LINKS & RESOURCES:The May Friendship Challenge: The Power of Changing the Venue2025 Dear Nina Friendship Challenge overviewMEET LIZ ALTERMAN:Liz Alterman is the author of the award-winning memoir Sad Sacked and multiple thrillers. Her romcom Claire Casey's Had Enough includes an intergenerational friendship in which a forty-six-year-old and a seventy-eight-year-old inspire one another to remember the women they once were and the dreams they still hope to fulfill. Liz's essays and reported pieces have appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Business Insider and more. She notes that while writing hasn't brought her fame or fortune, it's filled her life with enriching friendships that span generations. For more, visit her website and follow Liz on Instagram at @lizalterman.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Amy Blumenfeld was in 8th grade when she was diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma. While the medical story is remarkable on its own (including Amy becoming the first adolescent with Hodgkin lymphoma to have an autologous bone marrow transplant at Memorial Sloan Kettering in NYC), what stayed with her deeply was how her community showed up for her family. Just one example: a group of friends and synagogue families created a full-length skit video—Amy Night Live—to lift her spirits during isolation. Her community's love, support, and generosity became the emotional backdrop of her storytelling and work for years to come.We talk about:How Amy’s real-life community inspired the fictional community and circle of friends in her debut novel The CastThe ripple effect of early illness on friendships, families, and even future partners, careers, and childrenHow illness can reshape your view of who matters and whyAmy's second novel, Such Good People, which explores childhood friendship and loyalty against the backdrop of the criminal justice systemThe complexities of loyalty when friends and family need you at the same timeThis conversation ties closely to my upcoming Dear Nina live event in Highland Park, Illinois, which will raise money for the National Pediatric Cancer Foundation. In the introduction of the episode I mention losing my nephew Joshua McFadden to DIPG, a form of brain cancer, in 2017. A portion of ticket sales and 15% of all sales at ENAZ stores on 7/31/25 (not just in Highland Park!) will go to this important cause.LINKS & RESOURCES:Joshua's story on NPCF's siteMy episode with brother-in-law (and my first podcast producer!), Dave DlugerAmy's books: The Cast and Such Good PeopleMEET AMY BLUMENFELD:Amy Blumenfeld is an award-winning author and journalist. She is a graduate of Barnard College of Columbia University and received a master’s degree from the Columbia University School of Journalism. Her articles and essays have appeared in various publications including the New York Times, The Huffington Post, O, The Oprah Magazine, as well on the cover of People. Amy’s debut novel, The Cast, was selected as a New York Post Best Book of the Week. She has contributed to three non-fiction books, including a USA TODAY bestselling anthology. Amy lives in New York with her husband and daughter. Such Good People is her second novel. Find Amy on Instagram @AmyBlumenfeldAuthor.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

It’s the four-year anniversary of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship! Whether you’ve been with me from the column that began in 2014, started with the first episode in 2021, stumbled in at episode 86, or you're new around here at #156—thank you. Thank you for caring about friendship on a deep level and for helping this podcast grow into something that’s helped me (and hopefully you) navigate the joys and messes of adult friendship.In this solo episode, I’m marking four years of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship with the four major lessons I’ve learned about friendship from hosting the show—and four lessons I’ve learned about podcasting along the way.And a special to thank you to my many fantastic guests!🎁 Anniversary Favor 🎁If Dear Nina has helped you in any way—big or small—please share your favorite episode with a friend or on social media. It’s the best way to keep the conversations going, and it means the world to me.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

After 31 years on the East Coast, Lisa Giordano decided (less than a year ago) to make a big move to Austin, Texas, with zero local contacts and a personal challenge to build a community and social life from scratch. In this upbeat conversation, Lisa tells us what really works (and what does not) when you’re starting over single in a brand-new city—or simply trying to make new friends right where you've lived for years. WHAT WE COVER:Admitting you want friends: Why naming the need out loud is the best thing to do.DMs & daily errands: The social media message and the post-office line that sparked Lisa’s first new friendships.The “one-plan” weekend rule: A realistic guardrail against both isolation and social burnout.Why nearby beats “perfect”: How living a few miles apart can matter more than instant chemistry.Mixed age friendships: The benefits of friendships with people in similar life stages but different ages.When you don't click: Not taking things too personally is essential to moving forward and finding new potential friends.Solo time as a skill: Creating intentional solo time so your happiness isn’t dependent on anyone else's schedule.It's never too late to make new friends: I shared a story about my mom's recent 80th birthday party. LINKS & RESOURCES:My episode on Lisa's podcast, SurthrivingEpisode #130 with Hallie Sawyer on "Sober Curiosity"Episode #115 on "Freshmen Energy" and making new friends as an adultLisa on Instagram and TikTokMEET LISA GIORDANO:After living in the northeast for all of her life, Lisa took a leap of faith at the age of 31 and moved cross country to Austin, Texas, without knowing anyone. Filling her car to the brim and driving across the country with her cat, she embarked on a new journey and decided to document it along the way. Lisa is a typical single 30-something building a life she thrives in. She makes lifestyle content and documents navigating her 30s, starting over, solo life, life in Austin, and anything else that inspires her! Find her on Instagram and TikTok and on her podcast, Surthriving.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Ever feel that low-level hum of annoyance when a friend casually drops your (good or bad) personal news into the conversation? I have my fantastic "Dear Nina" assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, with me this week to crack open a listener's anonymous letter about DISCRETION.Discretion is that gray zone between gossip and harmless chatter. Rebekah and I discuss how much we can expect friends to know intuitively what stays private and what's OK to share.We're not talking about friends who gossip incessantly about you or reveal a big secret. That's easier to answer! Keep THAT friend at arm's length.Discretion is another category entirely and we get to the bottom of it in less than 30 minutes.IN THIS CONVERSATIONThe blurry line between discretion and gossipExperiencing a friendship “tap on the shoulder vs. smack in the face”: learning from small slip-ups before they become big mess-upsNina’s mom’s reminder: Not every friend is a close friendPractical ways to decide what you can share, what you should share, and when to hit pauseWhy “share your truth” and “protect your privacy” don’t have to be oppositesA Jewish teaching on mindful speech that still works in the screenshot ageLINKS & RESOURCESAsk an anonymous questionEventbrite tickets to see Nina and Rebekah LIVE in Highland Park, IL: “From the Cafeteria to the Mahj Table: Friend-Group Challenges from Teens to Mid-Life and Beyond.” Tickets are going fast!White Lotus Friendship Trio episode with RebekahEpisodes with my mom as the guest if you want more of Kathy's advice.Episode #136 with Rebekah about finding your 3-5 closest friends. (Another letter spotlight episode)Episode #112 about college admissions and friendshipA bit more information about the laws of speech in Judaism MEET REBEKAH JACOBSRebekah has been a reading specialist and writing instructor for over 20 years, teaching in Boston, Chicago, DC, and Los Angeles. Currently, she teaches college writing in DC, and her own writing has been featured in Kveller. As assistant producer for Dear Nina, she is passionate about ideation and brainstorming creative concepts. She tries to read 80 books a year and loves TV—though, unlike Nina, cooking and tech are not her strong suit. She lives with her husband, three kids, and a golden doodle named Peanut.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Ready to see where your friendships stand halfway through 2025? In this solo episode, I (very quickly!) round up the first six monthly challenges. Then I hand you three laser-focused questions to help you reflect, assess, tweak, and strengthen your connections for the rest of the year. Answer the 3 Questions This Week!Block 15 minutes.Jot down honest answers. And bullet points count!LINKS & RESOURCESJoin the Dear Nina Facebook Community to discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.Previous Monthly Challenges in the newsletter (Jan–June 2025)Episode #127, January: See a friend in person#131 February: Start a friendship ritual#135 March: Plan a hyper-local hangout#140 April: Put your friends' birthdays in your calendar#144 May: Change the venue where you spend time with a friend or change how you communicate#149 June: Ask a friend for a favorEpisode 121 about "Rules for Making Plans"ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Facing Unfinished Friendship Business When Your Child Hits Social SnagsYour child’s social life can stir up every unresolved playground scar you’re still carrying. Licensed clinical social worker and EMDR therapist Beth Segaloff joins "Dear Nina" to talk about separating our past (and present) friendship baggage from our kids’ current experiences. We discuss how kids' realities are so different today and why that small pause before jumping in to “fix” everything is parenting gold.HIGHLIGHTS:Why your kid’s friendship bumps feel personal--how to tell what feelings belong to you versus your child.The 2025 friendship landscape: 24/7 phones, "Snap Maps," and over-scheduled livesThe space between reacting and responding--how a moment of silence can change the whole conversation (and other strategies for when your child is struggling with friendships).Why forcing invitations or calling another parent for a favor often backfires, and what true support looks like instead.Modeling adult friendships: intentional intimacy vs. accidental exclusionMEET BETH SEGALOFFBeth Segaloff is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, EMDR therapist, yoga instructor, and Reiki healer dedicated to holistic healing and transformation. As founder of Tree of Life Center in Fairfield, CT, she offers in-person and virtual support for grief, trauma, and life transitions. Through programs like Living Fully with Grief and Life School 360, Beth empowers clients to move from pain and loss toward love, meaning, and purpose. Find Beth on Instagram at @tree.of.life.center. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

What does it mean to have a close friendship in adulthood? How important is history in a friendship? What does (realistic) quality time with a friend look like when you're no longer in school?Therapist and podcast host, Jazzmyn Proctor, joins me to bust some of the most common myths she sees in her work with clients. This conversation offers a grounded, kind, and honest look at how we can rethink what adult friendship should look like.WE DISCUSS:Why depth doesn’t equal frequency—and what actually builds emotional closenessHow to let quality time evolve in your adult life instead of trying to recreate the pastThe trap of overvaluing history in friendshipsWhy the phrase “no new friends” might be holding you backWhen “friendship takes work” goes too farThe often-discussed "trio problem" gets a mention!MEET JAZZMYN PROCTORJazzmyn Proctor—your go-to therapist and the powerhouse host of the All Our Parts podcast! Jazzmyn is all about helping you find your vibe, face life’s curveballs, and come out stronger. From navigating the highs and lows of love and relationships to embracing self-discovery and smashing through obstacles, she’s here to hype you up every step of the way. She knows that everyone’s journey is unique, and her mission? To help you unlock your full potential and level up your mental health game. So, if you're ready to live your best life, hit play on All Our Parts and let Jazzmyn guide you straight to your happy place! Find Jazzmyn on Instagram @healingwithjazzmyn and TikTok too! ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

In this milestone 150th episode of Dear Nina, we’re diving deep into friendship and community with siblings and co-directors Rebecca Davis and Pete Davis, the team behind the Netflix documentary Join or Die: A film about why you should join a club and why the fate of America depends on it.Inspired by the groundbreaking work of political scientist Robert Putnam (Bowling Alone), Join or Die explores the powerful link between social connection, the health of our democracy, and our mental and physical health on an individual level.If you’ve been feeling stuck, isolated, or unsure where to begin when it comes to finding your people and more meaning in your life, this episode is a place to start. HIGHLIGHTS:Why so many people feel they don’t have enough friends or diverse friendships.The difference between community and friendship--and why we need both.What “social capital” actually means and why it affects everything from your mental health to the quality of your local government.Why loneliness isn’t just a personal issue, it’s a civic one.How we went from a culture of joiners to one of solo scrollers, and how we can change that.Practical tips on joining or starting something meaningful, even if you're intimidated. LINKS & RESOURCESWatch the film: Join or DieHost a screening in your community! Find out how on the film’s website.Listen to previous episode mentioned #135: The Hyperlocal Friendship ChallengeAlso #138: The Neighborhood Village and How Community is Different From Friendship: with Seth D. KaplanMeet Rebecca Davis & Pete Davis, co-directors and co-producersRebecca Davis was a senior producer with NBC News for nearly a decade, where her work focused on social movements, environmental and economic justice, and community innovators. Pete Davis is a writer and civic advocate and a former student of Robert Putnam's. He is the author of Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in An Age of Infinite Browsing. He is the co-founder of the Democracy Policy Network, a policy organization focused on raising up ideas that deepen democracy. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Welcome to the Dear Nina Friendship Challenge for June: Ask a friend for a favor.Why? Asking a friend for a favor demonstrates trust and intimacy. It helps your friend feel closer to you merely because you asked, and this will strengthen the friendship. Unfortunately, people really struggle asking for help, even for the smallest of favors. This month I want you to practice this important skill!I also ask you to consider if you struggle asking friends for help because you're afraid people will then ask you for help. That's how friendship works! We have to be inconvenienced sometimes for friends and community, which is good for relationships AND for society.I packed a lot into a 12-minute episode. I hope you'll join me in the June Dear Nina Friendship Challenge.LINKS & RESOURCESJoin the Dear Nina Facebook Community to discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.Previous Monthly Challenges (Jan–May 2025) are all linked at dearnina.substack.com.The episode I mentioned with Gretchen RubinALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

I sat down with fifth-generation etiquette expert Daniel Post Senning of The Emily Post Institute to explore how classic (and modern!) manners can strengthen and even rescue our adult friendships. We discussed using etiquette for group chat issues, RSVP blunders, office friendship confusion, misuse of AI, bringing up kids' cringe posts, cocktail party escapes, staying friends when your kids' friendship falters, and friendship breakups.You don't want to miss this one!LINKS & RESOURCESEmily Post's Business Etiquette is the newest book from Dan and LizzieThe Emily Post Institute on InstagramDan and Lizzie's podcast, Awesome EtiquetteWe referred to one of my earliest episodes! #2 "When Your Friend's Kid is Being Mean to Your Kid"MEET DANIEL POST SENNING: Daniel Post Senning, great-great-grandson of Emily Post, is co-president with his cousin, Lizzie Post, at the Emily Post Institute. He manages the company’s training programs, has authored and co-authored many books on etiquette, covering topics from business to digital manners, and delivers seminars and speeches on these topics around the world. An active spokesperson for the Institute, he regularly speaks with media outlets about business, technology, and dining etiquette. Daniel has appeared on The Today Show, The History Channel, and ESPN, and has been interviewed by publications including the New York Times, GQ, Time Magazine, and the Wall Street Journal. He most enjoys answering questions as a co-host on the Institute’s weekly podcast, Awesome Etiquette, from his home in Duxbury, Vermont, where he lives with his wife, Puja, and their children, Anisha, Arya, and William. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

In this short solo episode, I consider why some people hesitate to tell friends about positive events like a promotion, a published piece, or a personal milestone or achievement. Likely due to cultural conditioning, we worry it will come off as bragging. I think it's a missed opportunity to feel closer to friends when all good news is kept under wraps.Not sharing can also have a cost. When friends learn about our news secondhand, it can create distance and misunderstandings.Vulnerability is a key to closeness, and sharing GOOD news is an excellent way to make yourself vulnerable.Equally as important in this episode: I discuss receiving your friends' good news with graciousness, curiosity, and shared joy if you want friends to keep you in the loop. When a friend shares something exciting, offer clear enthusiasm and ask a follow-up question!LINKS AND RESOURCESHear me on NPR Life Kit: "How to Keep Old Friends" Apple. Spotify.Join the Conversation: In the Dear Nina Facebook group we swap friendship wins and dilemmas.Episode 146 of Dear Nina on not overthinking in your friendships and tolerating uncertainty.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

If you’ve ever reread a text 10 times, filled in every silence with worst-case scenarios, or found yourself leaving too many hangouts with friends regretting what you said, this conversation is for you. Psychologist Dr. Jackie Henry and I discuss tools to stop overthinking your every friendship move and learn to tolerate uncertainty in your relationships. We rarely know what someone else is thinking, and we need to stop assuming we do. Wouldn't it be refreshing to just be in your friendships and not feel like you're "performing" to always say and do the exact "right" thing? Dr. Jackie offers Dear Nina listeners practical tips for getting out of your head and back into your life so your friendships can thrive.KEY TAKEAWAYSSilence usually means “busy,” not “they secretly hate me.”Budget your “energy bucks.” Rumination is a waste of energy; spend wisely.Constant overthinking can create distance between friends and lead to miscommunication, anxiety, and the fear of judgment.Work to tolerate the unknown: there's power in letting things unfold naturally in friendships.Lead with curiosity. A simple “Hey, when’s good to chat?” beats the story your telling yourself about why someone hasn't responded.LINKS & RESOURCESDr. Jackie Henry’s Substack: Less Thinking, More Living The Dear Nina monthly friendship challenges. (The April one was mentioned in this episode.)The TikTok account I mentioned about recounting awkward moments. @amymaurercreel MEET DR. JACKIEDr. Jackie Henry is a psychologist, writer, and founder of Less Thinking, More Living—a platform dedicated to helping people stop overthinking and start fully embracing life. Based in the Twin Cities, she also works as a wellness consultant and has a private therapy practice. Dr. Jackie combines humor, heart, and relatable insights to help individuals navigate life with greater ease and presence. Outside of work, she's at the cabin, playing board games, or enjoying happy hour with her husband, four daughters, and their small but mighty dog. You can find her on Instagram @dr.jackiehenry or on Substack at Less Thinking, More Living.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Meghan Keane, author of Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner, says one of the top complaints single people have about their married friends is that they feel like a problem to be solved. Another is that their dating lives are the sole focus of a married friend’s attention. Meghan joins me to unpack “singlism,” the subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways society sidelines single adults. We discuss concrete steps couples can use to include their single friends, the reality of friendship after life transitions, and good basic social kindnesses everyone can use for ALL of their friendships. Whether you’re partnered or single, this conversation will sharpen your friendship skills and remind you that friends like to be asked about all aspects of their lives (not just their dating lives, their "mom life," their careers, and so on).HIGHLIGHTSHow singlism, a term coined by Dr. Bella DePaulo, is often based in myths and harmful stereotypesWhy singleness isn't something to be solved by a partnered friendsRules for married/partners friends when it comes to their single friends (don't treat dating life as entertainment, help with mundane life tasks, celebrate accomplishments, hang out one on one, include in larger plans).Why working through conflict is a sign of a deep friendshipWhat married people can learn from single people about maintaining strong social tiesLINKS & RESOURCESMeghan's book, Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life PartnerFind Meghan on Instagram @damekeaneWe referred to previous Dear Nina episodes with Dr. Marisa Franco, Gretchen Rubin, and Ruchi KovalMEET MEGHAN KEANEMeghan Keane is the founder and supervising editor for NPR's Life Kit, which brings listeners advice and actionable information about personal finances, health, parenting, relationships and more. She is responsible for the editorial vision of Life Kit, which aims to serve NPR's larger mission of public service. Prior to founding Life Kit, Keane was a producer for NPR's award winning podcast Invisibilia. There, she produced long form stories about understanding human behavior and the invisible forces that shape our lives. She reported stories about the intersection of positivity, grief, and Disneyland and another story about a woman obsessed with her daydream world. Keane is also a founding producer of NPR's TED Radio Hour, which has consistently been one of NPR's top podcasts since its debut. Keane holds a B.S. journalism degree from Emerson College and is a native of the Washington, D.C. area.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. 🙏 Support the Show:Love what you’re hearing? Share this episode with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every bit helps us bring more meaningful conversations your way.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Whether you’re hoping to upgrade a casual acquaintance, breathe life into a longstanding friendship, or accommodate a friend whose season of life recently shifted, a venue swap can work magic without big declarations or heavy planning.Welcome to the Dear Nina Friendship Challenge for May: Pick a newer friend or an old friend you'd like to feel closer to and initiate a change in where (or how) you hang out.Do you normally text, but never talk on the phone? Try a call! Do you walk once in awhile, but never go out for lunch? Suggest a new restaurant in town. I provide more ideas in the episode PLUS all the reasons why a venue change is so powerful for deepening new friendships and revitalizing old ones.Ready to try this powerful friendship "upgrade?" Hit play, choose your venue swap, and let me know how it goes!LINKS & RESOURCESJoin the Dear Nina Facebook Community to discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.Previous Monthly Challenges (Jan–Apr 2025) are all linked at dearnina.substack.com. ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. 🙏 Support the Show:Love what you’re hearing? Share this episode with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every bit helps us bring more meaningful conversations your way.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

In this powerful episode of Dear Nina, I am joined by bestselling author Harlan Cohen to explore the truth about rejection, risk, and the myths we carry into adulthood about what friendship “should” look like. We dive into the Law of Rejection—a concept that can radically shift how you approach your relationships. Whether you're 18 or 88, accepting that we cannot control how others respond to our desire for friendship will serve you well. Friendship requires some risks, and knowing that rejection comes with the territory will allow you to take those risks.Whether you're always the planner, the first to text, or the one who feels left out of the group chat, this conversation will reframe your perspective and give you permission to stop taking every unmet friendship expectation so personally. Plus, you will love Harlan if you've never heard him before. He's the best, and he provided me a needed wake-up call around my own fears of rejection.TOPICS WE COVERED:Flipping our fears of being left out or let down in friendships into something more empoweringHow to stop testing your friends and start communicatingHarlan's “people, places, patience” formula for building connectionWhy putting yourself in “low-barrier” places is a lifelong strategy for connectionThe pressure we put on friends and ourselves to meet unspoken expectationsWhat to do if you're always the one initiating plansHarlan's full-circle roommate story that will make you smile and remind you that we never know what the other person in our "friendship narrative" is really thinking LINKS & RESOURCES:Harlan’s College Success Coaching Program Best First YearHarlan's episode with his freshman year roommateYou will love Harlan on Instagram and TikTok and YouTube!MEET HARLAN COHEN: Harlan is the New York Times bestselling author of The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into In College and six other titles (over 1 million copies in print). His social media accounts have over 1.5 million followers and he hosts a popular podcast. He is the founder of Best First Year, a college success coaching program for students and parents. Harlan lives in Chicago, Illinois with his wife and three children.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. 🙏 Support the Show:Love what you’re hearing? Share this episode with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every bit helps us bring more meaningful conversations your way.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

What happens to our friendships when our phones are always within reach for us to "quickly check something" or "quickly answer a text?" It’s time to be honest about how available we are to everyone else while spending time with friends and how these distractions are harming our friendships. (I include myself in "we!") Is anyone else experiencing smart phone fatigue?I spoke with author, Katherine Martinko, whose book Childhood Unplugged and Substack newsletter, The Analog Family, focuses on how to take back our presence, one small shift at a time. This episode isn’t an anti-tech rant—it’s a nuanced conversation about building a life and fostering friendships offline with intentionality. We explore what’s lost when we let phones dominate our social time and what’s gained when we reclaim our attention and presence. All issues I need as much help with as anyone else!TOPICS WE COVERED:Screen time isn't just a kid issue—it's an adult problem, tooWhy undivided attention is one of the most generous gifts in friendshipBuilding a richer, more soul-nourishing life offline is the key to putting your phone down more often.Practical tips for reducing phone use during social gatheringsSmall changes that make a huge differenceWhy 7 minutes into a conversation might be the tipping point for going deeper (if you don’t pick up your phone!)What it really takes to “fix your analog life first”LINKS & RESOURCES:One of my favorite essays by Katherine: “Fix Your Analog Life First: It's a Prerequisite for Curbing Screen Time”Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious GenerationCal Newport’s work on digital minimalism and deep workSherry Turkle’s Alone TogetherErin Loechner’s The Opt-Out Family MEET KATHERINE MARTINKO: Katherine is a writer, editor, and speaker. She is the author of Childhood Unplugged: Practical Advice to Get Kids Off Screens and Find Balance (2023) and creator of a fast-growing Substack newsletter called The Analog Family. Katherine is a speaker on behalf of Jonathan Haidt's Anxious Generation campaign. She is a regular contributor to the Globe and Mail, Canada’s largest newspaper, and appears regularly on national radio, TV, talk shows, and podcasts, including CBC The National and Global TV. Katherine lives with her family in Ontario, Canada. See her website here.ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here. 🙏 Support the Show:Love what you’re hearing? Share this episode with a friend or leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Every bit helps us bring more meaningful conversations your way.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands