Death, Sex & Money

Elissa Strauss always knew she wanted to be a mother, but she also knew she didn’t want motherhood to take over her personality. After all, she had spent years as a blogger making fun of anyone who took motherhood too seriously. She bemoaned the natural birth movement and people who made “mom friends.” Then Elissa had a son, and her view of caretaking started to shift. “I had put so much energy into figuring out how not to lose myself to caregiving,” Elissa writes in her new book, “that I completely ignored the possibility that I might, in fact, find some of myself there.” In this episode, Anna and Elissa talk about why it feels uncool to talk about liking motherhood, the ways caretaking can take from us, but also how it can fill us up and engender “moral transformation.” Plus, the economics of care, and what really valuing care in society would look like.  Elissa’s book is called When You Care: the Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others. She also wrote a piece last month in Slate called “It’s Weird Times to Be a Happy Mother.”   Are you a paid caregiver? We want to hear from you for a future listener episode. Tell us some things you’ve taken away from the experience – wild stories, observations about class, lessons about the way you want your own loved ones to be cared for. Send us your thoughts and stories at deathsexmoney@slate.com.  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The dating app Bumble recently declared in advertisements that “a vow of celibacy is not the answer.” The ad campaign, which was met with a swift backlash, seemed to be responding to a prevailing notion that people are having less sex than they used to. Back in 2015, we asked our listeners why they weren’t having sex, and their reasons varied. Disability, religious beliefs, S.T.I.s, and differing libidos were all cited as factors. This week, we revisit those stories and reflect on sex and abstinence at a time when those things continue to spark debate. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In our episode with Jim Harris, we talked about how a spinal cord injury left him partially paralyzed, and then how 8 months into his recovery he regained some lost sensation and movement after taking psilocybin at a music festival. When we recorded, we talked for a long time….right up to when his window of availability was closing.  But as I wrapped up and got ready to say goodbye, he said: can I ask you a few questions? It was interesting to hear what he was wondering about after I’d asked him questions for such a long stretch. So we kept talking… and we thought we’d share that with you too.  Podcast production by Andrew Dunn. This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode, but you’ll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of our show page. Or, visit slate.com/dsmplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Before going on a kite-skiing trip to the Chilean mountains, Jim Harris and his longtime girlfriend broke up. She wanted to settle down, and he wanted to keep adventuring. On that trip, Jim broke his back and became paralyzed. After eight months of non-stop physical therapy his progress seemed to be stalled until one night at a concert he took magic mushrooms and noticed new movement in muscles that hadn’t worked since his accident. In this episode, Anna and Jim talk about his process of recovery, finding new identity, relationships, and ways to adventure and explore.  You can see Jim’s art and a portfolio of his wilderness adventures at PerpetualWeekend.com, and we first heard about Jim from an article in Outside Magazine.   Podcast production by Andrew Dunn. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Vivian’s eating disorder started in college. She meticulously tracked calories and the number on the scale. Once she graduated she became less rigid with food, but her fixation with numbers took a new form: budgeting and saving money. In this episode, Anna talks to Vivian about her long and complicated relationship to mental math, how tracking calories and paychecks has helped distract her from painful loss, and how she’s managing with her money anxieties now as she plans a wedding and prenup. Want to hear more about relationships and money? Check out an episode we made all about wedding costs last summer. And if you heard last week’s episode about a mobile health care clinic in rural Virginia, we have an important update from local reporting on the high levels of executive pay at the Health Wagon, which just prompted the Virginia legislature to cancel $800,000 of line item funding for the nonprofit. It's a developing story we'll be following. Podcast production by Zoe Azulay  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We first heard from a listener we’re calling Tom in an episode about life transitions. He told us he had recently gotten his driving license revoked because of a health condition, and felt stranded at home and abandoned by friends. In this episode, we called Tom back to learn more about his life and circumstances, and also to put him in conversation with Anna Zivarts, author of the new book, When Driving is Not An Option: Steering Away from Car Dependency. Together they talk about how not being able to drive impacts your routine, relationships, and self-worth.  Podcast production by Zoe Azulay This episode is member-exclusive. Listen to it now by subscribing to Slate Plus. By joining, not only will you unlock this episode, but you’ll also access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of our show page. Or, visit slate.com/dsmplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Nurse practitioners Teresa Owens Tyson and Paula Hill-Collins have saved countless lives in rural Appalachia. They operate a mobile clinic called The Health Wagon that brings much-needed care to people who wouldn’t otherwise get it. Teresa and Paula have also been friends since they were 14 years old. They finish each other's sentences, crack jokes, and support each other through difficult times.  This week, Teresa and Paula join DSM to talk about their important work, their rock-solid friendship, and their exciting new side gig where they administer beauty treatments like botox and fillers.  We also hear from filmmaker Ramin Bahrani, an Academy Award-nominated filmmaker who made a documentary about healthcare in the rural south called If Dreams Were Lightning: Rural Healthcare Crisis.   Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Podcast production by Cameron Drews. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To make this episode we asked you, our listeners, if you had any questions about a big life transition you were preparing for where you needed some advice.  We received a collection of questions that really trace the full life cycle of adulthood. We heard from those of you just starting out, wondering about new careers and family structures. We heard from those of you in midlife encountering destabilizing shake-ups in your routine, like a divorce, or a sudden disability. And we heard from you at the end of your working lives, wondering when to retire, and also about how to find purpose when life is no longer organized around a 9-5.  To offer advice, we convened a panel of Slate writers and thinkers, Slate writer Mark Joseph Stern, What Next TBD host Lizzie O'Leary, and Working co-host Ronald Young Jr. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Podcast production by Zoe Azulay Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Earlier this year, when the future of Death, Sex & Money was up in the air, Anna Sale consulted Rebecca Auman, a tarot reader and self-described witch based in North Carolina. Anna felt lost, but Rebecca encouraged her to relax and to pay close attention to what her body and mind were telling her about that moment.  Afterwards, Anna wondered how Rebecca became so good at reading people–and at helping them to navigate tough situations. When the two of them spoke a second time, Rebecca revealed that her ability to help other people doesn’t always translate to an ability to help herself. In this episode, the two of them talk about how hard it is to trust our own intuition…and to even recognize it in the first place.  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Podcast production by Cameron Drews. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Patric Gagne says being a sociopath is like having an emotional learning disability. In this episode, she talks about the good and the bad of having limited access to shame and guilt, how she overcame violent compulsions, and becoming a wife and mother.  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Podcast production by Zoe Azulay. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When musician Johnny Solomon hit rock bottom, he turned to his mom for help. Then, as his mother’s health declined, he and his wife (and bandmate) Molly moved in with her to lend a hand. But caring for Johnny’s mother meant that their music careers were put on hold.  We first talked to Johnny, Molly, and his mom Nancy in 2018. This week, we revisit that conversation and get a fresh update from Johnny.  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In 2021, we talked to a listener that we’re calling Tessa, who found themselves in $19,000 worth of credit card debt. When Tessa’s sister offered to pay a huge chunk of the debt, new problems arose. First, the offer didn’t bring instant peace-of-mind. Second, it wasn’t clear if paying off the debt right away was even the best solution. This week, we revisit the conversation with Tessa and her sister and reflect on what they learned about debt, family, and mental health.  If you're struggling with consumer debt, check out these resources. Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, we’re revisiting our conversation with (now Emmy-winning) actor Niecy Nash and her wife, singer-songwriter Jessica Betts. They discuss their initial friendship, their steamy first date, the process of going public with their relationship, and much more.  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus. Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, we get an update from Mason Earle, a former professional rock climber who we spoke to back in 2021. Mason had been diagnosed with ME/CFS, commonly called chronic fatigue syndrome, and he discussed his former career, how he was adjusting to life and marriage with a disability, and why he doesn't miss rock climbing. This week, Mason shares what he’s been up to since we last spoke.  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus. Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, we’re revisiting an episode about the transitional lives of Uber drivers. Anna and then-producer Katie Bishop hitched multiple rides in the Bay Area and heard stories about immigration, domestic violence, personal finance, and more.  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus. Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To mark the return of Death, Sex & Money, we’re presenting a live celebration of new beginnings, featuring interviews with comedian and TV host W. Kamau Bell, writer Vicki Larson, Dr. Bonnie Chen, and artist Carissa Potter. You’ll also hear lively music accompaniment by D’Wayne Wiggins of Tony! Toni! Toné! This episode was recorded live at KQED in San Francisco on February 29, 2024.  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus. Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus. And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna’s newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this special Valentine’s Day episode, Anna revisits a conversation she had with former Senator Al Simpson and his wife Ann, who provided some much-needed relationship advice at a crucial moment in Anna’s life.  Death, Sex & Money is now produced by Slate! To support us and our colleagues, please sign up for our membership program, Slate Plus! Members get ad-free podcasts, bonus content on lots of Slate shows, and full access to all the articles on Slate.com. Sign up today at slate.com/dsmplus.   And if you’re new to the show, welcome. We’re so glad you’re here. Find us and follow us on Instagram and you can find Anna's newsletter at annasale.substack.com. Our new email address, where you can reach us with voice memos, pep talks, questions, critiques, is deathsexmoney@slate.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hear about the new life for Death, Sex & Money, with new episodes coming soon! In the meantime, subscribe to Anna's newsletter here to keep in touch and help shape this new era of the show. And tell us your favorite Death, Sex & Money episodes in a review on Apple Podcasts to help new listeners get to know us as all our archives move to our new home. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When we heard that Death, Sex, & Money was coming to an end at WNYC, we decided there was only one thing to do: throw ourselves an in-person goodbye celebration. In this week’s episode, you’ll hear audio from “Four Interviews and a Funeral,” a show we hosted at Caveat in Manhattan. In it, Anna talks to past guests, like comedian Chris Gethard, Lawrence and Ronnine Bartley, mover Adonis Williams, and NYC’s subway voice, Bernie Wagenblast about their experiences with endings and life transitions. Also, actress Ellen Burstyn reads a poem, Anna gives a eulogy for the show, and The Outer Borough Brass Band plays us home.  Read more about the event in The New Yorker here, and sign up for Anna’s new newsletter  where you can read her weekly musings, hear from other listeners, and get updates about the future of the show. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Over the past few months, we’ve been collecting your stories about inheritance, from those who have it and those who don’t. You told us about when inheritance was a surprise, when it felt like a control tactic, a safety net, an expression of love, or an opportunity to redistribute generational wealth.  In this episode, Anna talks to four people about their inheritance experiences: Gwynn, who is grappling with whether or not to faithfully execute her mother’s will, and cut her sister out; Trevor, who received inheritance from his father and, with it, a mystery about how long his father had been planning his death; and Anna talks to two young people who want to give away their inherited wealth to social causes, despite some opposition from family members. Want to learn more about the nonprofit Resource Generation? Check out their website here. And here's the link to sign up to Anna's newsletter: https://annasale.substack.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices