Delight Your Marriage

Creating Better Habits for a Better Marriage: Michael's Story You love your wife. You love your family. And you’d do anything for them. But if you’re honest… things don’t feel quite the same as they used to. Maybe you’re exhausted from work, the baby, or the endless list of responsibilities. Maybe your evenings with your wife now look more like two roommates collapsed on the couch—silent, tired, and just hoping tomorrow will be better. That’s exactly where Michael found himself. A good man. A loving husband. A dad who adored his toddler son. And yet—he noticed the spark in his marriage was fading. Instead of ignoring it, he made a decision that changed everything. And maybe that’s where you are today. Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations for Lasting Change Michael wasn’t looking for fluff. He wasn’t looking for self-help tricks that sound nice but fall flat. He wanted something biblical. Something that honored God’s design for intimacy. Something practical enough to implement while juggling fatherhood and career. That’s when he discovered Masculinity Reclaimed Foundations. From the very beginning, he noticed it wasn’t complicated. Daily gratitude. Encouraging words. Apologies when needed. Intentional listening. Simple? Yes. Easy? Not always. But transformational? Absolutely. Michael said it “sparked something new.” He began noticing his wife respond in ways she hadn’t before. Even more surprising—she started picking up the same habits he was practicing, without ever being taught them directly. One morning, while out on a walk, she said, “I forgot to write my gratitudes today.” Michael was stunned. Gratitudes were part of his new daily rhythm—something the program had challenged him to do. He hadn’t even invited her into it. But she saw his consistency, and she was inspired to follow. That’s the power of godly leadership. Christian Marriage Intimacy That Transforms Daily Life Michael realized intimacy was about more than the physical. Yes, God designed sex as a beautiful, holy gift—but intimacy starts long before the bedroom. When a wife feels safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished, her heart opens. That’s the essence of Christian marriage intimacy: a holistic connection that touches body, soul, and spirit. For Michael, it meant slowing down. Looking his wife in the eye. Really listening when she spoke—not just nodding while his mind wandered. Offering compliments, even when it felt small. Expressing love, even in the middle of an ordinary day. And the results? Their evenings shifted. Instead of collapsing into silence, they began talking again. Laughing again. Rebuilding the kind of bond that made marriage joyful instead of draining. Maybe that’s what’s missing in your marriage. Maybe you’re craving closeness but don’t know where to start. Michael would tell you—start small. Gratitude. Encouragement. Listening. And watch how God multiplies it. Christian Husband Leadership That Inspires Your Wife Here’s the truth: someone has to go first. Too many men wait, hoping their wives will change before they do. But waiting is not leadership. Michael discovered that a Christian husband's leadership is about modeling the very change you want to see. Choosing gratitude when negativity feels easier. Speaking life instead of criticism. Creating joy where tension used to rule. Surrendering pride in order to serve. And his wife responded. Not because he pressured her. Not because he demanded it. But because love that reflects Christ is contagious. Friend, this is the hard but freeing truth: leadership begins with you. Your wife may or may not immediately change. But your consistent obedience to Christ’s call—to love your wife as He loved the church—will never return void. Marriage Transformation Stories That Stir Hope When Michael first joined the program, he rated his marriage a 7 or 8 out of 10. Good. Steady. But he knew something was missing. After stepping into these practices, his wife said something that stopped him in his tracks: “This has been transformational for our marriage.” That’s not just improvement. That’s restoration. And Michael’s story isn’t unique. Week after week, we hear marriage transformation stories from men all over the world—young dads, empty-nesters, husbands married for two years or fifty. The common thread? They chose to lead with love. To step into accountability. To embrace God’s way, not culture’s distortions. And God met them there. If He can do it for Michael, He can do it for you. Final Thoughts Let me ask you directly: where is your marriage today? Maybe it feels “good but not great.” Maybe the spark is gone, and you’re worried what things will look like in five or ten years. Maybe you’re exhausted from parenting and silently grieving the closeness you once had. Friend, you don’t have to settle. Michael didn’t. And the best part? His wife followed his lead without him ever asking her to. That’s what happens when a man chooses to be the first one to change. Michael made a decision. He chose to take a step forward. And it began with one simple action: a conversation. That’s where you can begin, too.   With love,   The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS - Are you ready to take the next step in improving your marriage? We are here for you! Schedule a free Clarity Call and take the first step to transforming your marriage. PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate:  "Our marriage was doomed to fail if we continued with the same unhealthy patterns that we had been using for years. This was a very hard process of self evaluation. My relationship with God was put at the top of my list for each day and I was able to start to feel connected to Him again and have loved being in the word. I also realized that I was taking myself and life way too seriously and have had to force myself to be more playful which has helped to keep the mood in our relationship more fun and light."

497-Living a Life of No Regrets in Marriage and Faith [Re-Release] (Previously Titled: Changing OURSELVES in Light of Eternity) Hello, listeners! As we continue to work on our recording our very first in-person trainings, we hope you will enjoy some of the re-releases from the past few years of the Delight Your Marriage podcast (It has certainly been sweet to us to re-listen and share some of our favorites with you!) For this week, we hope you will enjoy a little bit of Christmas in the summertime as we talk about living life in light of eternity. Christmas is certainly a wonderful time to remember who Jesus is and why he is worthy of our lives, but we think a balmy day in August is a good time to remember that also. Enjoy this re-release and we look forward to sharing some other favorite episodes with you soon! God bless! Marriage as Your First Assignment Before God When we think about standing before Jesus one day, many of us imagine wanting to hear the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” But how often do we connect that vision with our marriages? The truth is, God has entrusted you with a spouse—not by accident, not as an afterthought, but as a sacred assignment. Your husband or wife is your first ministry. Loving God by Loving Your Spouse Jesus told us the greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength—and the second is like it: to love our neighbor as ourselves. And who is your closest neighbor? Your spouse. No one else can encourage your spouse like you can. No one else can pray for them, serve them, or provide safety and intimacy in the same way. Your marriage is one of the clearest ways to live out your love for God. When you choose to love your husband or wife with gentleness, patience, and sacrificial love, you are actually loving Jesus. Integrity, Intimacy, and Safety Loving your spouse well isn’t just about words—it’s about integrity. It’s about creating true safety by guarding your heart, your eyes, and your thoughts. It’s about saying no to distractions that cheapen your focus—whether that’s pornography, busyness, or pouring your energy into hobbies instead of your home. When you choose discipline, integrity, and faithfulness, your spouse experiences the safety God designed marriage to provide. And intimacy—emotional, spiritual, and physical—flows from that foundation. A Life with No Regrets This life is short. One day, you and I will stand before Jesus. What will we be able to say about how we loved? Did we prioritize our marriages? Did we love our spouses as Christ asked us to? Did we make sacrifices to ensure our marriages reflected His heart? The good news is—it’s not too late. Today, you can choose to love your spouse as your first assignment before God. You can choose to realign your priorities and live with no regrets. Your Invitation Your marriage is not just about you and your spouse—it’s about reflecting Jesus to the world. When you love your spouse well, you glorify God. Take some time today to ask: What does it mean for me to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength? How can I show that love to my spouse in practical, tangible ways? What do I want to be true of me when I stand before Jesus? Friend, don’t waste the life God has entrusted to you. Start with the person He’s placed right by your side. Your first neighbor. You can do this. God bless you, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you are ready to join our Coaching Programs, we would love to chat with you! Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Call advisors and discover what your marriage needs to fully connected once again. PPS - We are doing a pilot launch in churches this Fall! The Masculinity Reclaimed & Delighted Wife programs that you know and love are being adapted for in-person groups and we cannot wait to show them to you. If you'd like your church to be a part of our pilot program, please check out https://delightyourmarriage.com/church/ PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "We were both resentful of how we treated each other. My expectations were rarely met and I could be quite cold. My moods would overflow into my parenting and even work. After 20+ years of this I had very little hope that things could change. I was not going to leave my family, but I did seek to escape through alcohol and pornography at times... [Now,] My wife has told me she feels safe. She has begun to trust that my change is not a passing fad. I have gained understanding in how to love her well. I look forward to being around her, and to pampering her and loving her well. This has overflowed into intimacy emotionally, spiritually, and physically...I didn't realize how much pain I was causing her, or how self focused I was. I was trying to get her to change and should have been working on me."

Abiding in God’s Love by Living a Life of Surrender (Formerly Titled: Real Love Takes Sacrifice) We know the Bible says “God is love” (1 John 4:8) and that He loved us first. But if we’re honest, many of us spend more time wondering, “Does God really love me?” than asking the deeper, more revealing question: “Do I truly love Him?” That’s the heart of today’s message. God’s love for you is unshakable, unchanging, and eternal. The real question is whether your love for Him is genuine—and if it’s showing up in your life the way true love always does: through sacrifice. When You Don’t Feel God’s Love Maybe you’ve been a Christian for years but can’t remember the last time you felt God’s love. You’ve read the verses. You’ve prayed the prayers. But it’s like you’re in a spiritual drought. The truth? Feelings aren’t the measure of His love. But there’s often a missing link when we feel disconnected from God—and it’s not that He’s holding back. It’s that our love for Him hasn’t moved from words to action. Abiding in God’s Love Requires Sacrifice Jesus said plainly, “If you love Me, keep My commands” (John 14:15). Love isn’t just warm feelings or goosebumps in worship—it’s obedience. And obedience requires sacrifice. That sacrifice may look like: Giving up your comfort Laying down your need for control Surrendering your demand to understand everything before trusting Releasing opinions that don’t align with His Word It’s the same principle in marriage—love grows deeper when it’s willing to lay self aside for the other’s good. Our relationship with Jesus is no different. The Pearl of Great Price and God’s Love In Matthew 13:45–46, Jesus tells of a merchant who sold all he had to buy one pearl of great value. That’s what loving God looks like—letting go of everything else so you can fully hold onto Him. You don’t get the pearl without selling all. You don’t experience the fullness of God’s love without the surrender that real love demands. Beyond the Honeymoon: Abiding in God’s Love Daily Some of us have had that powerful, early experience with God—a “honeymoon” season where His presence felt constant and overwhelming. But just like in marriage, the relationship matures. The emotions may not always be intense, but the love grows deeper as it’s proven through daily, intentional sacrifice. Surrender: The Path to Experiencing God’s Love If you want a fresh revelation of God’s love, start here: Ask Him to show you where He’s calling you to surrender. Choose obedience in that area—even when it costs you. Trust Him with the outcome. When you give Him your heart in this way, you’ll discover what you can’t manufacture through feelings alone: the deep, abiding joy of walking in step with His love. Blessings,  The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you’re ready to take the next step toward real transformation in your marriage, I’d love to invite you to a free Clarity Call. It’s a safe, judgment-free space to share your story, discover what’s been holding you back, and see if our program is the right fit for you. Don’t wait—your next season of connection, joy, and hope could start today. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent grad: "I have daily devotions now, I practice gratitude daily now. I have more confidence and less anxiety around people or stressful situation. I feel closer to God now...what could be a bigger impact than that?"

After nearly four decades of marriage, Kim and Russ had done the hard work. They had raised five children, invested in professional counseling, read marriage books, and sought spiritual guidance. And still, something was missing. The breakthrough moments they experienced through the years never seemed to last. They still longed for a deeper connection and the kind of love they had always dreamed of. The Pain of “Almost” Fixing It Kim felt emotionally unsafe for far too long. Arguments were frequent, and intimacy had become something to endure rather than enjoy. She said, “We spent tens of thousands of dollars on counseling… but nothing stuck.” They had learned communication tools, gone on retreats, and practiced new habits—but it felt like patchwork. They both feared they’d never experience the closeness they longed for. What Made This Marriage Transformation Different When a close friend experienced radical transformation in her marriage through our program, Kim and Russ took notice. Russ joined the men’s program first—not out of crisis, but out of conviction. He realized he hadn’t been loving Kim as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5), and he wanted to grow. As Russ surrendered his old ways, Kim noticed a clear shift. He was more present, more loving, and no longer reactive. Over time, her heart softened too. Though initially hesitant, Kim eventually joined the women’s program, encouraged by the changes she saw and her own desire to grow. "I wanted to catch up," she shared with us. The Breakthrough They Couldn’t Find Anywhere Else What set this experience apart wasn’t just the information—it was the biblical framework, practical tools, and deep community that made lasting transformation possible. Together, they: Ended their cycle of arguing Rebuilt emotional safety and trust Restored intimacy in every sense—physical, emotional, and spiritual Learned how to love and respect one another as God intended Russ shared with us, "I’ve been in church all my life, but I never really learned how to live out Scripture in my marriage. This taught me how.” A Marriage They Never Thought Was Possible Today, Kim and Russ say their marriage is “a 9 or 10.” Not because it’s perfect—but because they’ve been changed from the inside out. They speak with laughter and warmth. They tease each other. They still work through conflict—but without yelling, shutdowns, or spirals that last for days or weeks. Now? They hold hands again. They share their hearts freely. They support each other’s needs—spiritually, emotionally, physically. Russ opens the car door for Kim every time. And she waits for him to do it. Healing Beyond Just the Two of Them The impact of their transformation has rippled outward—into their relationships with their grown children, with friends, and even in their church. What used to feel tense or guarded has become relaxed. Warm. Full of grace. When asked to describe their marriage today, each responded with one word: 'Delight' (Russ) & 'Thankful' (Kim). That’s not where they began. But by God's grace—and a willingness to grow—they now live in daily gratitude. For the peace in their home. For the tenderness in their marriage. And for the God who redeems all things.   Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS - Are you were Russ & Kim were before? 35+ years into marriage and feeling defeated and discouraged? You are not alone and your marriage story isn't over. Schedule a free Clarity Call to take the next step. PPS - We are launching a Church Training pilot program this Fall! All the incredible material of DYM, created for weekly church trainings. It's going to change lives and we are so excited to see it! If you'd like your church to participate, check out our Church Training page for more info. PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "Often my wife would complain that I wasn't listening, didn't understand her well, and that she was walking on eggshells all the time (that feeling was mutual). Even though we were good friends and we had regular dates and romantic times together, she didn't see any depth to 'us'...I realized that more than our intimacy, God wanted to meet me and change my heart…Finally God had my attention and He started working in many different areas of my life, that had just been swept under the carpet for far too long…[I] learned to truly put myself on the cross, to draw close to my wife and seek to minister to her needs first."

Don't Waste the Great Gift of Influence (Formerly titled: Don't Waste Your Impact) It’s easy to underestimate just how much weight your words, actions, and attitudes carry—especially in your marriage. But the truth is, your spouse is the person you impact most in this life. And that impact can either build up or break down. It can draw them closer to Jesus—or push them further away. Whether you're aware of it or not, you are influencing every day. The real question is: how are you using that influence? In today’s episode, we’re exploring what Scripture and research say about the power of marriage, how your smallest habits shape your legacy, and why taking your influence seriously could be one of the most important decisions you make—not just for your spouse, but for eternity. Why Your Marriage Holds the Greatest Influence in Your Life Research from the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale confirms it: five of the top ten most stressful life events are marriage-related. Death of a spouse. Divorce. Separation. Reconciliation. Even getting married. All of these events shape us more than we realize—impacting not only our emotions but our physical health. That’s why your role in your marriage is far from trivial. It’s your greatest mission field. Beyond your spouse, your children are next in line for your influence. Their spiritual formation, character, and even understanding of Jesus may start with how they see you live. Influence Starts with the Smallest Seeds We often think influence must be grand—but it’s the consistent, daily seeds that grow lasting fruit. Whether it’s trying to put stubborn littles to bed while keeping a joyful attitude (“count it all joy when you face trials”), or sharing a genuine compliment with your spouse that communicates admiration or safety—these small acts build a legacy. The greatest impact comes through simple faithfulness: planting seeds of respect, encouragement, and love, again and again. Want to Be Effective? Influence with Soft Eyes and a Gentle Tone Influence is not control. It’s not demanding. And it’s certainly not harsh. If your heart is full of conviction, but your tone is sharp, your spouse may never hear your heart. Instead, they’ll hear rejection, judgment, and intensity. That shuts hearts down. Instead, remember this: Soft Eyes Gentle Tone Slow Pace No, it’s not an acronym yet—but it’s a powerful practice. If it matters to you, slow down. Look at them with kindness. Speak with a spirit of gentleness. Because your delivery may determine whether your words are received—or rejected. Faith Isn’t Meant to Stay Silent—So Stop Hiding It Somewhere along the way, many of us have absorbed the idea that faith is a purely private matter. But Scripture doesn’t support that. Paul talks openly about his prayers, his tears, his awe at God’s love. You don’t need to boast—but you do need to be real. Share how you follow Jesus. Let your spouse and your kids see that He’s not just a Sunday idea. He’s your daily King. Character First. Ministry Second. The Bible is clear: if you can’t manage your own household, how can you lead in the church? (1 Tim. 3, Titus 1) Your first ministry is your spouse. Your first testimony is how you treat them when no one is watching. Your first assignment is to steward the influence God has entrusted to you—in your tone, your time, and your tenderness. Don’t Waste the Great Gift of Influence If you’ve ever caused your spouse to spend days mulling over a harsh word, you've influenced—for harm. That matters. God has given you the ability to heal and build up—or wound and tear down. We won’t be perfect. But we must take our influence seriously. Let your words be seasoned with grace. Let your habits point to Jesus. Let your home be a place where His love is felt—because of you. Because when we stand before God, how we used our influence in marriage will matter. And your spouse’s eternity may just be a little brighter because of your faithfulness. Final Thoughts Friend, your influence is real. And it’s powerful. You don’t have to be perfect to make a lasting impact—you just need to be faithful with the moments in front of you. One seed of kindness. One soft-eyed response. One patient, Spirit-led pause. These small choices shape hearts, build trust, and reflect the love of Jesus. So take heart. God has entrusted you with influence, not by accident, but for a purpose. And as you lean into Him and love your spouse with intention, you are planting seeds that can grow into something beautiful—something eternal.   Love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Are you ready to take the next step in influencing your marriage for the better? Our Clarity Advisors are ready to talk with you! Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc. PPS - Wish your church had a program like this? It can! We are launching our Church Training program this Fall and are still accepting churches to participate in the pilot program. Learn more at Delight Your Marriage Church Training. PPPS - Here is quote from a recent graduate: "There was a fair amount of discouragement, which carried over in my professional life and ministry involvements. I would not have considered leaving my wife, but hopelessness was making me accept the fact that we would continue to become more and more estranged until one or both of us died...[Now,] I KNOW that as intimacy grows between a husband and his wife, both are energized to do the work of the Kingdom, both shine brighter wherever they are. I have begun to feel it and see it happen!...Our communication is so much better: we have not had an argument since the beginning of the program. I am sharing more of myself now – my wife will not die without knowing her husband of all these years!"

Fall in Love With Your Spouse Again: Kay’s Story Marriage is one of God’s most beautiful gifts—and one of His most powerful tools for growth and sanctification. But even after decades of love and commitment, many couples find themselves asking the quiet question: What happened to us? Maybe you're feeling distant from your spouse. Maybe you’re still under the same roof—but it feels like you're living parallel lives. Maybe you’ve stopped hoping things can change. That’s where Kay was after 33 years of marriage. But her story is a powerful reminder: It is possible to fall in love again—and to restore love in a marriage that feels broken. When You Feel Stuck in Your Marriage Kay and her husband had built a wonderful life: children, a family business, retirement, and shared dreams. But beneath it all, their connection was quietly dissolving. Kay shared with us, “We weren’t arguing every day, but there was tension. There was distance. He finally told me, ‘If this is what the next 20 years are going to look like—I don’t want it.’” Their marriage wasn’t hostile—but it was cold. No more playfulness. No more laughter. And for Kay, no clear idea of what to do next. Christian Marriage Healing Starts in the Heart One night, Kay came across our podcast. She listened to a wife share her story—and saw her own reflection in the words. That night, she played the episode for her husband. Both of them ended up in tears. That was the moment God began softening her heart. But what came next wasn’t a joint effort. It wasn’t couples therapy. It was one wife, taking one faithful step forward. Kay didn’t wait for her husband to change. She didn’t try to force him into a process. She simply said yes to the work God wanted to do in her. And that’s what began to heal everything. How to Save Your Marriage Alone—One Surrender at a Time There’s a common lie in marriage restoration: If my spouse won’t change, there’s no hope. But Kay’s story offers a different story: Sometimes the most powerful transformations happen when one spouse surrenders first. As she worked through the DYM program, she began seeing all the ways she had unintentionally pushed her husband away—through resentment, control, harshness, and silence. “I didn’t realize how disrespectful I had become. How little admiration I showed. I had no idea how my own attitude was closing his heart off from me.” Through prayer, scripture, and community, God began to soften her heart. And without pushing, demanding, or even explaining—it softened his too. “He started coming home earlier. Laughing again. Helping more. And I never once asked him to.” When you let God begin with you, healing has a way of rippling outward. Biblical Marriage Advice for Wives Who Feel Disconnected When you’ve been married a long time, it’s easy to assume the disconnection is just part of life. But biblical marriage advice doesn’t teach resignation—it teaches hope, humility, and the power of the Holy Spirit to change hearts. If you're feeling distant from your spouse, here are some biblical truths and tools Kay leaned into: Let go of resentment. Carrying old pain closes the heart. Forgiveness opens it again. Replace criticism with admiration. Notice what your spouse is doing right. Thank them. Respect them—even when it feels hard. Spend time with God. Let His Word renew your mind and fill the empty places. Healing starts vertically before it ever flows horizontally. Surrender the outcome. You can’t control your spouse—but you can invite God to transform you. “I realized this wasn’t just Christian wife marriage help—it was God restoring my identity and softening my heart.” How to Reconnect After Years of Marriage When you've shared decades together, the idea of starting over may feel impossible. But learning how to reconnect after years of marriage isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about allowing God to do something new with the years ahead. Kay didn’t try to recreate her early romance. She let God build something deeper, wiser, and more joyful than before. After 33 years, their hearts are tender again. Their home is peaceful. And their future is bright. When You Don’t Feel Loved in Your Marriage—There Is Still Hope For so many, the pain isn’t anger—it’s loneliness. The ache of not being seen. Not being pursued. Not feeling cherished. If that’s where you are—when you don’t feel loved in your marriage—you are not disqualified from healing. Kay didn’t feel loved when she started this journey. But as she learned to love God more deeply, and love her husband with grace and strength, she began to feel loved again too. Not because she was striving. But because she was surrendered. Christian Wife Marriage Help That Changes Everything Kay thought she was doing this program to fix her marriage. But God used it to fix something deeper: her heart. She discovered that Christian marriage healing isn’t just about relationship tools. It’s about identity. Surrender. Courage. And the quiet willingness to say, God, start with me. Friend, if your marriage feels cold, quiet, or disconnected—you’re not alone. If you’re longing for intimacy, peace, and laughter again—it is not too late.God is able. He is faithful. And your best years together could still be ahead. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of you Clarity Call Advisors today. PPS - Like what you hear? Wish your church was teaching something like this? Well, it can! To learn more about the Church Training program we are developing, check out Delight Your Marriage Church Training PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "Lack of sexual intimacy and communication. No variety in sex...I felt like my wife did not care about me. I had stopped initiating and I felt discouraged...Unhappy and unfulfilled would be the best words to describe my feelings but I tried to keep the feelings buried. [Now, my wife] gives me joy that pours into our marriage, my love for God, my family and others. God is love and I can better comprehend it when I am loved by my wife. Belah has transformed my life. I will never be the same. She has given me joy, hope, confidence and the realization that it is OK to be a man!"

Forgiveness is Key to Better Relationships: Interview With Brian & Heather Mayer Forgiveness can feel like the most unfair, unnatural thing in the world. When someone has wounded you—especially someone who was supposed to love you—choosing to forgive may feel like letting them off the hook. But Brian and Heather Mayer’s story reminds us: forgiveness isn’t about the other person’s worthiness—it’s about God’s mercy. And it's the path to freedom, not just for them… but for you. Why Christian Marriages Struggle With Forgiveness Heather didn’t realize how deeply unforgiveness had taken root. Even after their marriage began to turn a corner, her heart stayed guarded. She found herself stuck emotionally. The walls she had put up to protect herself were still up. And though they gave the illusion of strength, what they actually offered was isolation. She said, “I didn’t feel like forgiving. I didn’t want to say the words. But I knew the Bible said I had to. So I chose to obey—even without the feelings.” This is what many Christian spouses experience. You know the right thing to do, but your emotions don’t follow. And it’s tempting to wait until you “feel ready.” But true biblical forgiveness isn’t based on emotion—it’s a decision of the will rooted in trust that God can heal what you cannot.   How Unforgiveness Destroys Connection in Marriage Brian admitted he had been prideful and blind to Heather’s needs. But what changed him wasn’t just guilt—it was God’s grace. He realized that he needed to ask for forgiveness, not just from Heather, but from their children, too. “I had to go back and apologize, not just for being short or irritable—but for the way my behavior affected my family.” He humbled himself, opened his heart, and began walking out a different kind of love—one marked by patience, listening, and repentance. That humility created space for healing. Unforgiveness doesn’t just affect the person who hurt you—it poisons your heart, your communication, your marriage bed, and even your parenting. Because where pride builds walls of resentment to isolate, humility builds bridges and invites healing.   What the Bible Says About Forgiveness in Marriage God never promised forgiveness would be easy—but He did say it’s essential. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Jesus modeled radical forgiveness on the cross. And He calls His followers to extend that same grace in our closest relationships—even in marriage. Brian and Heather didn’t wait until things “felt better.” They took action. They forgave before the emotions lined up. And that obedience opened the door for healing.   Choosing to Forgive Even When You’ve Been Deeply Hurt Forgiveness does not mean: Forgetting what happened Pretending it didn’t hurt Ignoring necessary boundaries But it does mean surrendering the right to punish. It means releasing bitterness so you can receive peace. It means trusting God with your pain instead of letting it define your future.   Healing Starts With Forgiveness Bitterness promises protection—but delivers bondage. Forgiveness opens the floodgates of grace—not just for your spouse, but for you. For your kids. For your home. For your legacy. You don’t have to live angry. You don’t have to stay stuck. There is freedom on the other side of obedience. There is peace that replaces pain. There is joy waiting where there used to be fear. And best of all? You don't walk this alone. The God who forgave you will empower you to forgive—again and again.   Final Encouragement: Forgiveness Is the Gateway to Freedom Brian and Heather’s story is living proof that no marriage is too far gone. That even the most painful seasons can become a testimony of God’s redemption. Maybe your spouse has wounded you deeply. Or maybe you’re the one who’s caused the pain. Either way, Jesus stands ready to walk you both into something new. Today, start with one brave act of obedience: “I choose to forgive.” Even if your hands tremble. Even if your heart still aches. God will meet you there. And the freedom you long for is closer than you think.   Love,   The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS - Check out Brian & Heather's amazing Forgiveness Course at www.lovehowdeep.com/forgiveness [Use code DYM59 to receive the Course at the special price of $59, regularly priced at $297!] PPS - If you're ready to bring even more healing and freedom into your marriage, schedule a free Clarity Call and see if our Men or Women's Program is right for you. Prices are going up after July 18th, so make the call soon! PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I struggled with unforgiveness and bitterness, lack of joy in motherhood, emotional lability, and frequent mental trips to the past…  [Now,] I am able to self-regulate my emotions better. I have gained the ability to understand my emotions and thoughts from a more objective standpoint instead of being a victim to my thoughts and emotions... I've grown in my understanding of forgiveness and how that flushes out to my everyday life… When I joined the program, I was hoping that my work would change my husband and my marriage. I didn't realize just how much work I had for my own heart!”

Exciting news!  We're extending a $500 savings on our coaching programs until this Friday. Due to the wonderful services and support our coaching clients receive and the fact that we have maintained our coaching programs for 4 years though our services, technology, and results have improved, we are having to increase our coaching prices.  But before we do, we'd like to give you a chance to get in at the lowest opportunity it'll ever! This is your chance to transform your marriage with our proven system before prices increase. Sign up for a clarity call at delightym.com/cc and be part of the next transformation story. Don't miss out on this opportunity to invest in your relationship and witness the miracles happening every day. Act now and take the first step towards a thriving marriage! Until THIS Friday 7/14/25 sign up at: delightym.com/cc (Or if you know someone who needs this, send it to them!)

A Fine Marriage, Now an Extraordinary Marriage: Bart's Story Bart is a Christian leader. He’s the head of a childcare agency working with traumatized children and teens. He’s been married for nearly 20 years and has four beautiful kids. And by his own admission? He was tired. Burned out. Irritable. Or, in his words—“crusty.” He wasn’t in crisis. His marriage wasn’t “on the rocks.” But it wasn’t thriving either. And Bart knew something had to change. Christian Leaders Get Tired, Too—But That Doesn’t Mean You Stay There One Saturday morning, Bart’s wife tried to be playful with him—and he snapped. He didn’t mean to. He was just worn out, juggling too many roles, feeling the pressure of leadership, family, and ministry. But his wife’s gentle confrontation was a turning point. She didn’t yell. She didn’t threaten. She just called it what it was. And Bart—rather than shutting down—responded with humility and self-reflection. Not because he had to… But because he wanted to grow. Why “Good Enough” Marriage Isn’t the Goal—Even for Ministry Leaders Bart described his marriage as “a 9 on a bad day.” No major fights. No betrayals. No one was threatening to leave. But deep down, he knew something wasn’t right. The joy was fading. The connection was inconsistent. And his presence at home was… thin. Too many leaders settle for “fine” because there isn’t obvious brokenness. But lack of crisis doesn’t mean abundance of health. How One Christian Husband Reconnected With His Wife (and Kids) Bart didn’t just learn new tools—he let God change his posture. He took a long, hard look at his own heart. He asked his wife, with full honesty, "Have I made intimacy feel transactional to you?" She said no. But Bart still made changes. He apologized for things from 20 years ago. He went to his kids, one by one, and asked for forgiveness for being emotionally absent. And the impact? Laughter returned. Confidence rose. Connection was rebuilt—at home, where it matters most. When You Lead at Work But Struggle at Home Bart’s job requires emotional intelligence, patience, and deep listening. He gives that to kids, to employees, to families in crisis. But when he got home? He was depleted. He admits, “I was giving my best to strangers—not to the people who mattered most.” The CIRQUE listening framework helped him shift. Not just in knowledge—but in behavior. He started seeing his wife again. Not as someone who was “doing fine,” but as someone he was called to serve and cherish. Intention Without Action Won’t Heal a Struggling Marriage One of the most striking moments in Bart’s story? The first time he walked around the car to open the door for his wife in years. She paused. Surprised. It had been that long. But it wasn’t about the door. It was about intentionality. About pursuit. About loving her like the daughter of the King she is. Christian Leaders: Your Marriage Doesn’t Have to Be Broken to Be Better Friend, maybe your marriage isn’t “bad.” Maybe no one knows how empty or tired you feel. Maybe your congregation thinks everything’s fine. But you know. You know you’re not showing up the way you want to. You know she deserves more. You know God is calling you deeper. Don’t wait for a crisis to choose transformation. Don’t wait for regret to become your motivation. Start now. Invest now. Lead your home like Jesus—by going first. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - Are you ready to take the leap? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors at delightym.com/cc PPS - Our prices are going up after July 15th! Schedule a free Clarity Call before then to save $500+ on your Coaching program. PPPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: Being in ministry together and having raised 5 children under the pressure-cooker stress of the mission field, much of our life and conversation related only to family, ministry or solving "issues”…[Now,] there have been so many [celebrations] it's hard to list the biggest! I celebrate the peace in my heart that has allowed me to be non-reactive and non-explosive in some very difficult and high-tension situations…I celebrate the new playful way that we are connecting in the bedroom…I celebrate that my wife is now telling my children that "Dad is different!"

Putting God First Will Change Your Marriage If you're anything like me, you’ve found yourself caught in the swirl of responsibilities, relationships, expectations... and distractions. It’s so easy to let the noise of life drown out the voice of God. Even in marriage—especially in marriage—it’s easy to start placing our hope in the wrong thing. And when we do that, even the good things, like marriage, can become shaky ground. But what if the real anchor isn’t your spouse, or your role, or your routine—but your relationship with God? Why Putting God First Can Transform Your Marriage We live in a world of constant input. Notifications, streaming, social media, endless to-dos. And if we’re not intentional, those distractions steal our attention—and with it, our peace, our purpose, and our priorities. I've found that when I step away from it all—when I intentionally remove the distractions—I can finally hear God clearly again. Whether it's walking in nature without my phone or sitting in a quiet space with my journal, those moments of silence are sacred. They realign me. Because when God is clear, everything else becomes clear, too. “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” —Matthew 6:33 How Husbands Can Become Spiritual Leaders in the Home Husbands, you are called to lead your home—not because you have all the answers, but because God entrusted you with that role. Leadership doesn’t mean control. It means surrender. It means taking responsibility, laying down pride, and anchoring your identity in Christ—not in your wife’s response. If your stability is based on her reactions, your leadership will always be shaky. But when your eyes are on Jesus, you can lead with strength, consistency, and peace—even if the journey is slow. “The wise man built his house on the rock… and it did not fall.” —Matthew 7:24-25 (paraphrased) What Biblical Respect Looks Like for Christian Wives Wives, I get it. Maybe you feel like you’ve had to take the reins because your husband hasn’t. Maybe you feel stronger spiritually. Maybe you’re just more organized. But leadership is about role—not ability. And when we as wives step out of our God-given role, we accidentally make it harder for our husbands to rise into theirs. Respect doesn’t mean silence or enabling. It means honoring the role God has given him, even when it’s hard. And when you do? It makes your husband feel safe, trusted, and invited to lead. Should I Still Respect My Husband If I Don’t Trust Him? If your husband has let you down—or worse, betrayed your trust—you might wonder: “How do I respect a man who hasn’t earned it?” That’s real. But our motivation as believers isn’t based on someone else’s worthiness. It’s based on God’s worthiness. You can walk in wisdom, set boundaries, and still respect the role. Because when you show honor, you’re honoring God first. (Need more on this? Search our site for our podcast: “Respect an Untrustworthy Man”) Why Most Marriages Struggle Without Spiritual Rhythms If you’ve been running on empty, it may be time to return to spiritual rhythms. Daily time with God. Weekly check-ins with your heart. Monthly reflection. These aren’t just good habits—they’re lifelines. They give you clarity, patience, and power to live out your role with joy. Even if your personality makes this hard (mine does too!), it’s worth fighting for. Your family’s health depends on your spiritual nourishment. What “Helper” Really Means (And It’s Not What You Think) In Genesis 2, God calls Eve a “helper”—and the original Hebrew word ezer is used most often to describe God Himself as our rescuer, protector, and strength. Wives, this means your role is powerful, not passive. You have the God-given ability to uplift, empower, and even save your husband in ways no one else can. Not through control, but through encouragement, respect, and faith-filled love. When Leadership in Marriage Gets Out of Order The fall of man in Genesis didn’t start with an affair or abuse. It started with misplaced leadership. Adam was present. He knew the truth. But instead of leading, he followed. Instead of obeying God, he obeyed his wife. Men, this is your reminder: you are responsible. And women, if you want your husband to lead, you have to let go of the wheel. Restoring biblical order doesn’t mean a power struggle—it means peace, protection, and purpose. What to Do When You Feel Hopeless in Your Marriage You might be reading this with tears in your eyes. Maybe your marriage is hanging by a thread. Maybe you've tried everything, and nothing has worked. Maybe you’re ready to give up. Don’t. God sees you. He hasn’t forgotten you. And no matter how far things have gone, there is still hope. Even if your spouse doesn’t change right away. Even if it’s just you taking the first step. Seek God first. Love your spouse like Jesus. And trust that God will do the rest. Where there is breath in the lungs, there is hope.   With love,   The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS – Ready to take the next step and learn more about our Coaching Programs? We’d love to talk with you. Book a free Clarity Call today: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - To watch the full episode on YouTube, click here. PPPS - Here's a quote from a recent graduate: "When I started DYM, I was desperate to save my marriage. When Dana told me that I could do more than just save my marriage, but could actually enjoy it, I literally laughed at her. I had given up hope of having a happy marriage. All I wanted was to avoid divorce at all costs. Here we are a year later, expecting our third sweet baby… I did in fact, by Gods grace, do more than save my marriage!! I actually genuinely LIKE my husband!! We are happy and healing and couldn’t be more grateful. God bless DYM. Thank you for having hope for my marital happiness, even when I did not."

Marriage is one of the greatest blessings — and one of the greatest refining processes — we can experience. But if we're honest, many of us carry regrets when it comes to how we've treated our spouse, how we've handled conflict, or the words we've spoken in frustration. We don't always recognize how often harshness sneaks into our marriage, chipping away at intimacy, connection, and joy. But here's the good news: God's love can heal, restore, and transform even the most regret-filled moments in your relationship. In a recent conversation with author and speaker Rhonda Stoppe, we unpacked the profound truth of living with "no regrets" in marriage — and the practical steps to get there. You Can Break Free From the Regrets Holding You Back Let’s be honest — we’ve all made mistakes in marriage, in parenting, in life. Those regrets? They can paralyze us. Rhonda reminded us that regret is often a weapon the enemy uses to keep us from becoming the women God designed us to be. But here’s the truth — God’s love washes those regrets away. Philippians tells us to “forget what lies behind and strain toward what lies ahead.” Even Paul had to lay his past down — his role in Stephen's death, his persecution of believers — yet God still used him powerfully. The same is true for you. Whether your regrets stem from the way you've treated your spouse, parenting mistakes, or deep wounds from your own upbringing, you are not disqualified from God's call on your life. The Destructive Power of Harshness in Marriage Rhonda unpacked something so practical yet so convicting: how often our inner thoughts turn harsh long before words ever leave our mouth. Ever had the entire argument with your husband in your head before he even walked through the door? I’ve been there! You play out the "you always" or "you never" narrative and boom — your harsh words fly the second he steps inside. But as Rhonda beautifully reminded us, love "believes all things" (1 Corinthians 13). That means believing the best about our spouse — assuming good intentions — not assigning negative motives. Harshness can destroy intimacy faster than almost anything else. It pushes our husband away emotionally. It makes our home a place he — and even our children — dread coming back to. The Courage to Repent: Humility Over Pride This hit me hard. Rhonda shared how pride keeps so many people from growth. It’s painful to look back and realize we’ve done things wrong for so long. But friend, God already knows it all — and still loves you. When we confess, repent, and humble ourselves before Him, He transforms us from the inside out. David's story is such an example. After his sin with Bathsheba, he didn’t make excuses. He repented with a broken, contrite heart — and God restored him. If harshness, selfishness, or regret has gripped your heart, your story isn’t over. God offers freedom, but it starts with humility. Are You a Harsh Spouse? How to Recognize & Change Harshness is sneaky. Many of us don't even recognize when it's become part of our communication. Rhonda described it as trying to control or hurt with your words to get your way — whether out of fear, frustration, or habit. Here are some signs of harshness in marriage: You regularly raise your voice or speak with a biting tone. Your family feels like they have to walk on eggshells around you. You replay your spouse's flaws in your mind more than their strengths. You assume negative motives for your spouse's actions. If that’s you — take heart! You can change. It starts with repentance, inviting God's Spirit to wash over you, and intentionally building new habits. Building a No-Regrets Marriage: Practical Next Steps Rhonda didn’t just leave us with conviction — she gave such hopeful steps forward: Get in the Word Daily God's Word renews your mind. Listen to scripture, write it out, feast on His promises like daily bread. Find Godly Community You need women around you who love Jesus and will speak truth in love — especially older, wise women. (#OldLadiesKnowStuff — I love that!) Choose to Believe the Best Make it a practice to assume good about your spouse. Remember how you did that when you were dating? Let’s bring that mindset back! Apologize & Repair If your harshness has caused damage — humbly ask for forgiveness. Your vulnerability can open doors for healing, even if it takes time. Cling to God's Love First Your happiness isn’t dependent on your husband's actions — it's rooted in how deeply you believe God's love for you. The Legacy You Build Starts Today I adored Rhonda's reminder that the home we build today — with love, forgiveness, humility — shapes our children's future marriages and their walk with God. You don’t want to look back with regret because of harshness or pride. But even if that's part of your story, God's grace offers a reset, starting today. We are rooting for you! May God's kind heart move your own heart to kindness today. God bless you! With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you'd like to check out more of Rhonda's resources (She's great, isn't she?!), podcast, and books, please visit her website: https://www.rhondastoppe.com/ PPS - If the thought of being 'the harsh spouse' made you tense up in defense ("That isn't me! Besides, I wouldn't be harsh if x, y, z...") or made you tear up knowing that it's true, we invite you to a book a free Clarity Call. Kindness, patience, gentleness, and love CAN be the first response. Your marriage does not have to be filled with criticism and harshness. Your home can be light and joyful. Let us help you. We'd love to chat: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "Although on the surface, I would persuade myself I was ok, and that I was doing a good job as a husband, I knew deep down that something was wrong. My wife, though kindly and friendly (she is a lovely soul, who genuinely looks after my best interests), seemed apathetic to me at times, or unnecessarily critical...Completely unintentionally I had made my wife feel ignored, not attended to, and taken for granted… Communication was generally businesslike rather than affectionate. …As the program has gone on, huge strides have been made in our marriage. We now spend quality time together most meal times, we’ve started going out on dates again, we are much more playful than before and we enjoy being with each other. Most importantly, my wife has relaxed, she’s begun to trust me, and her true bubbly self is coming out into the open."

Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!) If you're a wife who feels like physical intimacy just isn’t for you... this post is for you. Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past. Maybe sex feels awkward, or painful, or even meaningless. Maybe it seems like something only he wants, and you just go along with it. If any of that resonates, I want you to know: you're not broken. You're not alone. And there is hope. When Sex Feels Disappointing or Painful in Marriage When I first got married, I was so excited. I had saved myself for marriage and imagined physical intimacy would be beautiful and bonding. But what I experienced instead was disappointment. It was physically painful, emotionally awkward, and deeply confusing. I felt ashamed, fat, insecure, and unprepared. My marriage at that time eventually ended in divorce. There was no biblical reason—I just couldn’t take the strife and anxiety anymore. I was devastated. I had followed what I believed was the right path, and yet my marriage still crumbled. And then, I drifted. I walked away from God's design, from purity, and into promiscuity. But God is a Redeemer. In time, He gently brought me back. I met a kind, respectful man, and with him, God showed me what healthy, healing intimacy could look like. And it has been a journey—one filled with slow growth, freedom, and true pleasure. Understanding God’s Design for Sexual Pleasure in Marriage Let’s be honest—many wives could take or leave sex. Some even hate it. And yet, God designed physical intimacy to be good—not just for your husband, but for you. You may have grown up in purity culture, where sex was labeled “bad,” “shameful,” or “off-limits.” Then suddenly, you get married and are expected to flip a switch and enjoy it. That’s confusing, to say the least! But what if we started thinking of pleasure the way God does? What if we saw it as a gift? You enjoy a clean house, right? You feel at peace, relaxed, energized. That’s pleasure. So why is it so hard to believe that sexual pleasure could be just as valid, just as worthy, just as holy? Why Christian Wives Should Value Pleasure in Intimacy God didn’t create intimacy only for reproduction or duty. He created it for joy, connection, healing, and pleasure. Even Song of Solomon celebrates sensuality—touch, smell, taste, sight, and sound. Pleasure is part of God’s design. It doesn’t have to end in orgasm or even intercourse to be sacred. A simple act like cuddling, stripping down just to rest in your husband’s arms, or a gentle caress can be deeply meaningful. An moment where you focus on intimacy without the pressure of a “goal.” It’s healing. It’s freeing. How to Begin Enjoying Intimacy Again—Even If You Feel Broken You don’t have to leap from disinterest to passion overnight. What if you started with just an inch in the direction of intimacy? A kiss. A caress. A flirty smile. That’s it. Then maybe next time, a little more. Intimacy doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s a dance. A progression. A fluid rhythm between two people who are learning how to love and be loved. Biblical Boundaries for Sex—and the Freedom Within Them I’ve seen it time and again—wives who once hated sex now pursue it with confidence and joy. Not because they’ve become someone they’re not, but because they’ve allowed God to rewrite their story. You don’t have to live stuck in shame, apathy, or duty. You were made for more. You were made for joy. You were made to receive pleasure—and not just physical pleasure, but the peace and playfulness that come from deep connection. You can laugh, relax, and actually look forward to physical intimacy. Even if you’re post-menopausal. Even if you’ve been through trauma. Even if you feel like you’re the one who’s “just not into it.” God can change it. He’s done it in me. He’s done it in hundreds of wives I’ve coached. And He can do it in you.   With love & hope,   The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - For more information on the Connection Sessions mentioned in the podcast, check out Delight Your Marriage: Connection Sessions. PPS - To learn more about our research on Biblical boundaries in marital intimacy, please visit Delight Your Marriage: Boundaries in Sex. PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "So much of my prayer time was trying to pray for my hubs and me and us in our marriage and lamenting over the state of our marriage...it was so hard for me to engage in intimacy with my husband...Most times I just had to turn off my heart and pray and power through, which only served to make me even more avoidant of it...[Now,] I don't feel like I need a brick wall to protect my heart from my husband...Intimacy feels like a safe place...It's not intimacy's 'for him', it's ALWAYS intimacy for 'us'."

He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story Rebekah didn’t sign up for marriage coaching. She wasn’t looking for help. In fact, when her husband first discovered us, she politely declined any involvement. He had found the podcast and was quietly listening, learning, and applying. She wasn’t ready. But he didn’t push. He didn’t demand. He just loved her. And that—his sacrificial, consistent, Christlike love—is what eventually opened her heart. When the Husband Leads and Goes First “He died to himself,” Rebekah said, describing her husband Noah’s transformation. “He was willing to love me even if I didn’t love him back.” It didn’t happen overnight. Noah committed to the Men’s Program during Rebekah’s pregnancy, often implementing everything he learned from recordings because he was unable to attend the live Group Coaching Calls due to work. He walked out the truth. And over time, Rebekah noticed. “I felt deeply that he was doing that for me,” she shared. “And that softened my heart.”   Being Intimidated by Intimacy Rebekah’s journey around intimacy was painful. It was often physically painful. She didn’t enjoy it. She felt shy around it and blushed when the topic came up. She felt disconnected—from herself, from her husband, even from her own body. She also knew what was at stake. “Intimacy was already hard… but with kids, it could disappear completely,” she said. “I didn’t want that. For me. Or for our son.” She began to see how her challenges weren’t just affecting her—it was impacting her family. And when she realized how her own view of her body and sexuality could shape her child’s experience, she knew something needed to change. God Opened the Door for A Change of Heart in Intimacy “I had already been recommending DYM to others,” she laughed. “But I hadn’t done it myself. And I realized… maybe this was my turn.” What she discovered wasn’t just practical help. It was healing.   Learning to Feel Safe One of Rebekah’s breakthroughs came in understanding safety—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Through the program, she learned how to identify when her body was in fight-or-flight mode—and how to speak truth over herself: “My husband loves me. I’m safe. This is how he expresses love.” By renewing her mind with Scripture and applying our tools, she started to relax, receive, and even enjoy intimacy! And the community of women around her helped normalize what once felt foreign. Learning Healthy Boundaries—and Becoming a Daughter One coaching call stood out above the rest. The topic was boundaries—not as walls, but as the way we act like we truly are children of God. “I realized I wasn’t treating myself like I was God’s daughter,” Rebekah said, her voice trembling with tears. “And I needed to stop crossing boundaries in my own mind.” That moment launched a new season in her life—one where she no longer withheld emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Instead, she began living like someone deeply loved and worth loving.   Becoming More Confident in Intimacy, Growing in Emotional Maturity, and More Here’s what she now walks in: Confidence in intimacy with her husband Emotional maturity and responsibility Joy rooted in Christ not circumstances A transformed mindset aligned with truth A deeper value for marriage than ever before She even said, “Going into this, I didn’t value marriage like I do now. But I believe God can save any marriage. He did it for mine.”   Final Thoughts for If You Feel It's All Too Much... We know what it's like to feel like your marriage is hopeless. Like intimacy will never change. It will remain painful. It will remain disconnected. It will remain joyless. We also know how it feels to be unsure of a program like this. "Will it really work for me?" "Are the testimonies actually true?" "I see it worked for them, but my marriage is different. We are too far gone." Let us encourage you today: Your marriage is not too far gone. Yes, these testimonies, Rebekah's included, are true. And, by the grace of God, it does work and change marriages. Your intimacy does not have to remain joyless and painful and disconnected. It can be joyful, enjoyable, and connected. Let's end with a prayer: Heavenly Father, you know this one. You know who needed to hear this message and who needed to read these words. Father, would you bless them in their marriage. Would you bring them the healing they've been longing for. Would you give them divine patience, mercy, and grace for their spouses and divine ideas on how to love them well. Would you give them the inspiration and encouragement they need and remind them how deeply loved they are by you. In your holy name, we pray, Amen.   With love,   The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS - If you want to know more about the Women's Program that Rebekah mentioned, that helped her go from dreading intimacy to looking forward to it with excitement, we have a free Masterclass available for you. Consider it a free sample! :) Check out Women's Masterclass: Intimacy Confidence to register.   PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "Not being able to connect or communicate well. Very little vulnerability on both sides. Perfectionism. I felt like the kids and I could never be good enough. I could not share my heart or thoughts on something without being judged so I didn’t. Being cherished was something I tried not to think about because it felt too impossible... [Now,] I’m more confident, playful, happily and intentionally imperfect... I’ve learned to rejoice in the Lord always! I can’t believe how much has changed in our marriage just by imitation! Because I have modeled imperfection, playfulness, and being easily pleased, the tension and critiquing in our marriage and home has gone way down. We are having so much more fun!"

How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun Maybe you're a leader in your church, a high achiever at work, or a dedicated family man—but deep inside, you feel the sting of shame. Maybe it's from mistakes in your past, struggles in your present, or simply the pressure of not living up to what you think you should be. Here’s the good news: you don’t have to carry it anymore. Pastor Drew Hyun—lead pastor of Hope Church NYC and executive director of Emotionally Healthy Discipleship—shares how God’s love offers a radical solution. Not just theologically, but practically. In this powerful teaching, originally given to our men's community, Drew walks us through how to eradicate shame through our identity in Christ. These truths brought tears to the eyes of many men in our program—and it’s easy to see why. Because when you truly grasp how deeply you’re loved by God, everything changes. The Root of Shame: Why Our Identity Feels So Fragile Pastor Drew’s upbringing was marked by harsh parenting, deep wounds, and religious hypocrisy. His father—who eventually became a well-known pastor and author—was emotionally and physically abusive at home, even as he preached about how to raise a godly family. Drew grew up trying to reconcile this contradiction, and his early life was shaped by a relentless drive to succeed, perform, and hide his struggles. Whether you’ve experienced something similar or not, many of us understand that tension: performing on the outside while hiding pain on the inside. And when we can’t live up to the image we’ve created—shame creeps in. But here's the turning point: our identity doesn’t come from performance or other people's approval. It comes from Christ alone. Emotional Health Is Spiritual Maturity As Pastor Drew shared with us, "You cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.” It doesn’t matter how impressive your resume is, how many sermons you’ve heard, or how many Bible verses you know—if your wife experiences you as unloving, cold, or critical, then something is broken. Spiritual growth isn’t just what you do in public. It’s who you are in private—especially with those closest to you. The call to emotional health is not just self-help. It’s a discipleship issue—and a doorway to freedom. Public Life vs. Private Life Social media, church culture, and cultural expectations often tempt us to present a polished version of ourselves. But that disconnect between our public image and private reality breeds shame. Drew shares how discovering integrity—being whole and consistent, not perfect—transformed his life. He uses this beautiful definition of humility, rooted in the Latin word humus (meaning grounded): “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.” When you’re grounded in God’s love, you no longer need to perform. You can walk in truth, freedom, and consistency—the marks of a mature man of God. Overcoming Shame Through Christ-Centered Identity Shame loses its power when you know who you are in Jesus. Culture tells you to look inside yourself or to please your family and community. But both of those paths eventually fail. Only God's love is unchanging. Here’s a mantra Pastor Drew repeats often: "In Jesus, I am fully loved, fully accepted. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Nothing to fear." That’s your anchor when insecurity hits. That’s your firm footing when shame comes knocking. When you remember this truth, you can stop hiding and start living. What It Means to Be a Bold Yet Humble Christian Leader So what does healthy Christian leadership look like? It’s not puffed-up pride. And it’s not self-defeating shame. It’s humble boldness—a leadership style rooted in identity, not insecurity. Drew points to Jesus as our ultimate model. He is both Lion and Lamb—powerful and gentle, bold and self-sacrificing. When your worth is secure in Christ: You don’t feel inferior to anyone. You don’t feel superior to anyone. You can love boldly and lead without fear. As Drew puts it, “I don’t need to perform. I just need to show up as my honest self—and be a conduit of God’s love.” Why Your Marriage Is a Miracle in the Making Your marriage isn’t just for your happiness—it’s a sign and wonder to the world. Ephesians 5 calls marriage a “mega mystery” that reflects the love between Christ and His Church. That means your pursuit of your wife—emotionally, physically, spiritually—is a living picture of Jesus' relentless, selfless love. Even if things feel strained right now, even if your wife is distant or hurting—your love still matters. Your kindness. Your self-control. Your forgiveness. Your joyful pursuit. They point to the God who never gives up on us. Final Thoughts: You Are Deeply Loved—Right Now You might feel like you’ve failed too much or that your shame disqualifies you from being a great husband. But that’s not what Jesus says. As Drew puts it, “You are more sinful than you dare believe. And more loved than you dare hope.” That truth sets men free. So if you’ve stuck your foot in your mouth, if your wife seems distant, if your spiritual walk feels stale… Take a deep breath. You are fully loved. Fully accepted. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Nothing to fear. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you're ready to be discipled and join a community of men or women that are passionately pursuing Christ and His purpose their marriage, we would love to talk to you! Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more information. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "Years ago I prayed to God for a short life. I didn't want to break my marriage vow, but I didn't see how I could be happy with him and it was getting harder as the children became adults...Now I enjoy spending time with him...Physical intimacy is better than ever. He cares about me and I feel secure. When we come together physically, we feel closer and both of us look forward to it! I miss him when he gets busy with work and would be devastated if something happened to him."    

Strength from Suffering Let me start with this: the enemy wants you to believe that when hard things happen, you're done for. You’re weaker. You’re broken. That you can’t be used by God anymore. But that’s a lie. The truth is—God uses the hard things. He doesn’t waste our pain. In fact, Scripture tells us over and over again that it’s through trials that our faith, character, and hope are built.   The God Who Sees You and Knows You Psalm 139 is one of my favorite passages because it’s such a clear reminder: God knows everything about you. He knows your name. He knows what you’re up against. He even knows the number of hairs on your head. Not only is God all-knowing and omnipresent—but He is with you in your heartache. He understands the depths of your pain. He is not far off.   When You're Facing Trouble-Lean in, Don't Run In our home, we’ve gone through a season of back-to-back trials. Maybe you’re there too. But here’s what I’ve learned: running from pain doesn’t produce growth—leaning into it does. Jesus promised us in John 16:33 that there would be trouble in this world. But He also promised us His peace. Not peace like the world gives—but peace in the midst of chaos.   Endurance is Grown in the Fire I want you to really let this truth soak in: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials… for you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2–4 Another translation puts it this way: “Consider it an opportunity for great joy.” – NLT It’s not automatic joy—it’s an opportunity. A choice. A lens to see your situation through. That’s why we need Scripture deep inside us—it reframes the pain.   What Doesn't Kill You... Can Sanctify You Yes, this is hard. But what if you started saying: “This is hard—and I love a challenge”? God allows us to struggle so we can grow the muscles we need—just like a good father teaching a child to walk. He doesn't always swoop in. Instead, He gives us space to build spiritual endurance. And when endurance grows? Character grows. Hope grows. That’s Romans 5. And hope, the Bible says, does not disappoint.   The Danger of Distraction in a Culture that Numbs One of the biggest traps we face in hard seasons is distraction. Social media. TV. Scrolling. Escaping. But that doesn’t heal. It delays. It numbs. If we want to grow in God’s strength, we must lean in. Let the Scripture simmer in our hearts. Let the pain teach us.   What is the Gift in This Situation? When things are hard, ask yourself: “What is the gift in this?” Even if your spouse is rejecting you over and over again… what if this is the exact thing God is using to grow your spiritual resilience? I tell my boys all the time, “You’re learning perseverance right now.” And maybe, so are you.   You Can Grow in Love–Even When Marriage is Hard Whether or not your spouse is loving you well right now, you can still choose to lean in. You can still love. Still serve. Did you know that your brain actually releases happy chemicals when you serve someone else? That means if you’re hurting—serving someone can literally make you feel better.   Final Thoughts You have a choice today. You can become bitter, cynical, disappointed in God—or you can say: “God, I trust You. There’s something here I can’t see yet—but I know You’re good.” We don’t get to tell God what He should’ve done. But we do get to trust that He’s a good Father. And when we do that... We find His peace, His presence, and His purpose—even in the midst of pain.   We are rooting for you. We know God has good things for you. And whatever is going on right now that seems to much to bear, know that God will, He WILL, use it for good.   With love,   The Delight Your Marriage Team   PS - If you're interested in healing your marriage and learning more about our programs, check out our FREE Masterclasses: Women's Masterclass & Men's Masterclass PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “Biggest struggles were with being unhappy, feeling hopeless about a positive future with him, not feeling accepted or seen, feeling like all he needed from me was physical intimacy and admiration but didn't care to know me or care about me. I felt unhappy and hopeless... (After Delighted Wife), I have had many celebratory moments! We are having more fun together, more intimacy in our sharing, much better physical intimacy...Now I enjoy spending time with him, look forward to dates and vacations, and we laugh and work things out together. I believe we are a great team! It's a miracle that we enjoy and like each other again."

Sometimes, God answers your prayers in a way you don’t expect. That’s how Jennifer’s journey began. She and her husband had been married for 30 years, with three beautiful daughters. On the outside, everything seemed steady—but inside, Jennifer was silently struggling. Depression, anxiety, deep wounds from trauma, and the weight of parenting adult children had left her feeling exhausted and emotionally distant from her husband. She was in a dark place. But God. Her husband was the first to find Delight Your Marriage. Quietly, he joined our men's program. At first, he didn’t even tell Jennifer. She just started to notice something changing. A peace in him. A gentleness. A stronger connection to God. Moved by what she saw, Jennifer said yes to his invitation to explore the women’s program. What followed was a spiritual discipleship journey that would not only transform her marriage—it would transform her heart. How Christian Marriage Coaching Transformed Her Heart One line within the program touched Jennifer’s heart: “I needed to love Jesus more than my pain.” It wasn’t even directed at her during the call, but something about it resonated so deeply with her. She realized that in her grief and disconnection, she had allowed pain to take a front seat in her heart. But Jesus wanted her whole heart. She confronted lies she had believed about herself, her marriage, and her role as a mother and wife—and let God’s truth replace them. She allowed God to break the chains of shame and fear, and instead chose freedom and forgiveness. Emotional and Physical Intimacy in Marriage Restored One of the most beautiful outcomes of Jennifer’s story is the transformation in her intimacy with her husband! “It wasn’t about frequency,” she said. “It was about connection. And now we’re truly connecting—emotionally, spiritually, physically. We’re more vulnerable, more united, and more in love.” That emotional and spiritual shift opened a door to true intimacy—something both of them had longed for but never fully accessed. And it all started when she began to let God love her—and let herself believe it. How Christian Marriage Help Can Impact Parenting Jennifer is a mother to three adult daughters. And though parenting adults has its own challenges, her healing began to spill over into her family life. With newfound clarity on how women are designed by God to be loved—safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished—Jennifer began to understand how to mother her adult daughters in a way that honors their hearts. She started recognizing what they needed emotionally, just like she had discovered in herself. Even though parenting adult children can be complicated and painful, she now walks in hope—not shame. God is restoring what was broken. Handling Conflict in Marriage Without Spiraling Jennifer and her husband also found a new way to approach emotional triggers. They call it “spiraling.” This emotional awareness and God-centered communication brought a new peace to their marriage. They don’t fight the way they used to. Now, they support each other through those low moments and move forward with unity. A Message to the Wife Who Feels Hopeless in Her Marriage When I asked Jennifer what she’d say to a woman in the same spot she once was, her answer was so honest and full of faith: “There’s hope in Jesus. Be brave. Even if your husband is the problem, you can still change your heart—and it can change your marriage.” She continued: “This program has figured out how to help you out of crisis. Even if you’re emotionally shut down, even if you feel like things can’t get better—they absolutely can. God is in the business of healing, and He uses this process to restore hearts and homes.” The Power of a Women’s Christian Coaching Community Jennifer also found healing through the community of women she met through the program. “It was such a gift to talk about things we never could talk about with friends—especially around sex and intimacy. The support, the prayer, the connection... it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Women need this.” She felt seen, supported, and strengthened by walking this journey with other women in a safe, faith-filled environment. Christian Marriage Healing: A Beautiful New Chapter Today, Jennifer says her marriage is more joyful, more tender, and more united than ever before. They’ve always been best friends—but now they’re more emotionally connected, spiritually aligned, and fully present for one another. “There’s nothing I can’t share with him now,” she said. “God gave us a beautiful marriage—but now we’re living it with freedom, honesty, and deep love.” Final Thoughts We are so thankful for work that God did in this marriage and the way it not only impacted Jennifer and her spouse, but their children and future generations. He truly is a God of redemption.  With love, The DYM Team PS - If you're ready to take the next step and join a community of like-minded people wanting to build their marriages God's way, we would love to hear from you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "I was on the verge of separating from my husband. Things had taken such a turn for the worse between us that life was not sustainable for me as things were going. My husband joined the program and I noticed some changes in him. Things started improving but we had a lot of healing to do; I had a lot of healing to do...We've been to several counselors before this point and my husband wasn't interested in finding another one. He had asked me to join the Delighted Wife program before but things were too broken and I was not willing to do a program that I thought was only about getting me to have more sex with him...But, after seeing him change some and knowing we needed help, I agreed to the program. While sex was a part of Delighted Wife, there were so many other areas for me to focus on first. It laid the foundation for a better and healthier relationship overall. The intimacy part follows."

If you’re a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you’re wondering… Why don’t I want sex? Why does my husband want it more than I do? Am I broken for not desiring intimacy? …you’re in the right place. We want to remind you that you are not broken. You’re not alone. And God isn’t disappointed in you. In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God’s help. What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives? This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: “My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don’t know why I don’t want it. Help.” Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don’t have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what’s called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn’t feel desire until after closeness begins. That’s normal! But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include: Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage) Body image issues and insecurity Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause) A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict Shame from upbringing or purity culture Misunderstandings about what sex is really for Often, it’s not one thing—it’s several. That’s why this isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it’s not your fault. What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage? We often assume a great sex life just means “compatibility.” But as Juli beautifully shared: “Great sex isn’t about compatibility. It’s about growing in unselfish love.” And that’s biblical. God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight. Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches: Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically? Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit? Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding? Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing? “I Want to Want Sex… But I Don’t.” What Should I Do? If that’s your heart cry, there’s hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward: 1. Pray—Every Day Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here. 2. Start with What You Do Want Maybe you don’t want intercourse—but you’d like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That’s a great start. 3. Change the Inner Narrative Rather than thinking, “I have to,” begin gently rehearsing, “I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love.” 4. Use Physical Support Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore. 5. Communicate with Your Husband If he’s safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure. But Isn’t It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex? That’s a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here’s what Juli shared that really struck me: “God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn’t just about serving him—it’s about your healing, too.” Sex is not just physical. It’s emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story. If you’re avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing? This is not about becoming a sex expert—it’s about becoming whole. A Christian Wife’s Invitation to Intimacy Whether you’ve been married 3 years or 30, God’s not done with this part of your journey. Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it. Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy. You’re not “less than.” You’re not “too late.” You’re not “too much.” You’re beloved. And intimacy can become a gift again. Resources to Help You Begin If today’s blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there. Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service Explore: Juli’s Ministry – Authentic Intimacy New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything For more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com Final Thoughts You're not alone. God is in this with you. Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your story.   With love, The DYM Team   PS - If you haven't checked out Dr. Juli's book yet, you can check it out here: God, Sex & Your Marriage  PPS - For more information on our Coaching Programs, please visit our website. We would love to connect with you!

Loving Well When You Feel Down Even the strongest marriages go through hard seasons. Whether you're facing emotional burnout, stress, or feeling spiritually distant, it's easy to feel like you have nothing left to give in your relationship. So how do you love your spouse when you feel depleted? This post is your quick “reset”—a reminder of what really matters in marriage and how to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy. Why Your Marriage Matters in God’s Eyes Jesus gave us two commandments that anchor everything else: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. And your closest neighbor? It’s your spouse. Your marriage is a reflection of how you walk out our love for God. Even when it’s hard. What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Empty in Marriage We all go through tough seasons. Illness Financial stress Parenting challenges Mental health struggles It’s in these moments that we have to boil it down to the essentials. When you're empty, don’t try to fix everything. Just focus on God’s call to love—simply and sincerely. Here’s what that looks like: Essentials for a Husband: Love Her as Christ Loves the Church What does that mean, practically? Make her feel safe. Don’t push, pressure, or demand. Be her steady place. Make her feel known. Ask her about her heart. Get curious about her thoughts, not just her to-do list. Make her feel cherished. Hold her. Smile at her. Take her on a walk. Celebrate her quietly and tenderly. These don’t require a perfect mood. They require intentionality. And the reward is deeper connection—even in the middle of life’s mess. Essentials for a Wife: Respect, Admiration, and Wholehearted Intimacy This can feel especially hard when you’re drained. But again, focus on the essentials: Use respectful words. Even if you’re not in the best place emotionally, try phrases like “Thank you for working so hard,” or “I admire how you handled that.” Don’t argue or snap. Let kindness guard your tongue, even when emotions are high. Offer intimacy with a full heart. This isn’t about obligation. It’s about loving your husband in a way he receives love—with joy and generosity, even if you don’t initially feel it. When You're Struggling—Love Anyway This is the path Jesus modeled for us. We don’t love our spouse because they deserve it. We love them because Jesus asks us to love—sacrificially, tenderly, in the way the other feels loved. When you’re struggling and all you can do is offer “just the essentials,” that’s enough. God sees your heart. And He blesses your obedience. Final Thoughts Next time you feel like you can’t give anything more—come back to this. Read it again. Pray again. Take just one small action. Unity is still possible. Even when you are down.   With love, The DYM Team   PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc   PPS - Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate: "We argued constantly! Literally almost daily. The constant arguing was mentally and physically exhausting! It felt impossible to have peace or joy if my husband was around. It was affecting me so deeply that I was struggling with intense fatigue...[After Delighted Wife], we can actually enjoy each other, we can actually focus on other things. I am not experiencing such intense fatigue all the time and am feeling like I can start getting back to being a productive human. My devotional and prayer time are spent seeking God, seeking Him in the scriptures, trying to catch His heat through His word rather than lamenting and focusing on all the bad. "

Church Scandals Aren’t Random: How Ignorance Paves the Way for More Harm A Funny, Painful Story (That’s Actually Very Relevant) Before we dive into heavy stuff, let me tell you a story. 4 weeks and 2 days ago... Picture this: I’m flat on my back, in the middle of the street, 20 feet away from a car that thankfully didn’t roll over me. I’m convinced something’s stabbing into my heart. Pain is shooting through my body in so many places. A kind lady rushes from her porch to help me hobble to safety while the ambulance is called. As I wait there's constant pain, but when I move in certain ways it suddenly becomes utterly excruciating. No idea what I hit. No idea what actually happened. Things were going great for the two hours I was on my OneWheel before the accident.  What the heck happened? And what is happening now? Some neighbor kids stop and check in. I ask them to pray for me and I lead them in a prayer in Jesus name... that was a comfort from strangers. The ambulance finally arrives -- after it seems like forever -- and load me onto a stretcher. They were sure I dislocated my shoulder and were insisting to pull me up. I knew that wasn't what was wrong. I was embarrassingly vocal about not being helped up. I seemed to feel every single pothole on the way to hospital.  Arriving in the hospital... the random excruciating shoots through my chest continued -- oh, and so did my resulting involuntary screams. (No recordings were taken, thank God :) So, the morphine helped and the oxy-whatever they gave me next. But what really changed everything was the x-rays. They finally discover the truth: My clavicle was snapped clean through. Knowing what was actually wrong changed everything. I finally had clarity. I finally had a path toward healing — real healing — not just numbing the pain. I finally could understand how to move in a way that avoided the excruciating pain and actually kept things in place to heal most effectively. THIS is what’s happening in the Church right now. We have an injury. It's bad. Really, really, really bad. But instead of diagnosing it, we often just take some spiritual "morphine" — slap on platitudes, excuses, or cover-ups — and hope healing happens. It doesn't. Tragically, thousands of new cases are reported yearly... in the church of Jesus Christ around the world. This is horrifying. And the Church's sexual scandals are not random. They are not "one-off" tragedies.They are the result of deep, hidden roots — an injury we have to address if we want healing. Church Hurt: Ignoring the Pain Doesn’t Heal It If I had ignored my broken clavicle, kept "powering through," or simply taken painkillers to numb it? It would have actually healed wrong.Permanently damaged.Maybe even required major surgery to fix later. The Church is at that critical moment.If we don't stop and x-ray the damage — truly diagnose the underlying break — it won't just stay bad. It will get worse. That’s why these scandals feel endless. They are symptoms of deeper problems never addressed.   Church Scandals Are Not Random Accidents The fall of a pastor or leader is often treated like a shocking, isolated event. "He must have just slipped up!""It was a moment of weakness!" But the truth is, these scandals follow patterns. Unchecked small compromises.Isolation.A culture that produces an environment where pastors must be superhuman.  Double lives hidden by fear and shame.Lack of sexual stewardship. These are not random falls.These are predictable results of invisible fractures left untreated. The Enemy Wants Our Ignorance Satan thrives when we stay ignorant. When we don’t know the roots, we can't heal them.When we don't expose the darkness, it festers and infects the Body of Christ. Paul makes it clear we shouldn't be ignorant of how the enemy attacks: "In order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes." (2 Cor 2:11) Jesus warns us: "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (John 10:10) When sexual sin in leadership is ignored, minimized, or hidden, it does exactly that:Steals faith.Kills trust.Destroys credibility. We must be wise.We must stop assuming "it could never happen here."We must learn how to recognize the roots before they bloom into ruin.   Why Sexual Sin Wounds So Deeply & How to Heal Sexual sin isn’t "just another mistake."Biblically, it’s in a category of its own: "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18) When a leader sins sexually, it's a double wound: Personal: They defile their own body, the temple of the Holy Spirit. Corporate: They shatter the credibility of the Gospel they once preached. People who were already fragile in their faith see hypocrisy... and walk away not just from a leader, but from Jesus, Himself. The wound runs deep. But Jesus takes it seriously. Jesus didn’t say: "Try not to look at porn if you can." "Lust is understandable, just don't act on it." No. He said: "If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out... It’s better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:29) Jesus used extreme language because sexual sin matters that much. We should not downplay what Jesus took so seriously. When leaders indulge in pornography, prostitution, or affairs, they are objectifying someone God created. That woman on a screen is a daughter of the King of Kings. A daughter who He even gave His only son to save. Cover-Ups Are Spiritual Oxycodone It’s easier to slap a spiritual Band-Aid over a scandal than face the ugly truth. "Let’s quietly remove him." "Let’s not make a big deal; it might hurt the church’s reputation." "Let’s just forgive and move on." That’s spiritual oxycodone — numbing the pain without healing the break. Without truth and exposure, the infection worsens.The pattern repeats.More people get hurt.   Real love doesn’t ignore cancer.Real love demands we discover it and deal with it.   That's actual love.   And Exposure Alone Isn’t Enough Here's the other mistake:Thinking that "going public" fixes the problem.   It doesn’t.   Exposure without a healing plan leaves broken people bleeding in the streets. Just like my broken clavicle needed realignment, time, careful handling and care — fallen leaders (and hurting congregations) need intentional healing journeys. Healing isn’t automatic. It’s hard. It takes time. It takes wisdom. It takes safe people. But it’s possible. Healing the Church Starts with Us You may be a small group leader.A volunteer.A pastor’s wife.A youth mentor.A faithful Sunday worshiper.   You are part of the Body.And when one part is sick, the whole body suffers. We cannot afford to shrug and say, "Not my problem." The future witness of the Church depends on believers who are awake, wise, and willing to act.   The Band-Aid Problem Let me just say it plainly: Covering up a church scandal with "just pray for him" or "let’s not talk about it" is like slapping a Batman-themed Band-Aid on a bullet wound and sending the guy back into battle. He's going to bleed out. And so is the faith of everyone watching. We need real surgery, not stickers.   What Next? What Pastors and Leaders Need If you’ve been wounded by a scandal —If you’re grieved by the hypocrisy —If you’re tired of seeing Jesus’ name dragged through the mud — You are not alone. Healing is possible. But it starts with exposing the real problem and walking through the hard, beautiful journey of restoration. Lord, help us. Heal Your Church. Give us courage to see clearly and love deeply.   Be Part of the Solution: Discover through a Free Training Join me for a free training:Heal the Church: Exposing the Hidden Roots of Sexual Scandal and the Path to Healing Let's stop putting Band-Aids on bullet holes.Let’s start real healing. Sign up today: delightym.com/healthechurch Healing starts with discovery. Healing starts with understanding.Healing starts with you.   With love, Belah & Team PS - If you are ready to make a change in your marriage, to be free from sexual sin, to have accountability and community, we encourage you to make the call. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "My self worth was in the dumps. I was always looking for affirmation from my wife and she from me. Neither of us delivered - neither could deliver enough. I questioned my leadership positions at work and at church, just never feeling like I was the right guy to lead... [Now,] I'm taking ownership. This is my home. This is my marriage. She is my wife. Ours is a union blessed by God. In taking my roles as husband, father, help mate more seriously, my whole family has begun to benefit. The man's role is not to simply coexist, but to lead the marriage and family. I can make a difference in the family by leading to and with God."  

When Lust No Longer Rules Your Mind: Patrick's Freedom Story It’s a quiet kind of bravery that often goes unseen. The kind that walks through the door not to applause, but to shame—and chooses humility instead of hiding.  That’s the kind of courage Patrick brought into this conversation. And today, I want to honor that bravery and invite you into a story that too few are willing to tell, but so many need to hear. How Addiction and Lust Took Root in Patrick’s Life This is not just a testimony—it’s a mirror for so many men. Maybe even you. Patrick didn’t set out to become enslaved. No one does. It started with what seemed like innocent attention, where his lack of parental love likely was at the root. A college-aged ego boost. A swipe here. A message there. A few flirty words on a dating app. But what he didn’t know was that the enemy had planted seeds. And what felt like harmless validation from unmet needs, eventually spiraled into addiction, and eventually betrayal. But God— Yes, this is a story of rock-bottom moments. It’s a story of a man whose addiction, lust, and even prostitution came to light in the most painful and humiliating way.  But it's also a story of a God who meets us in our darkest, filthiest, most shameful pits—and brings us into the light. And you’ll hear how it happened for Patrick. The Heartbreaking Wake-Up Call: What His Daughter Found The real wake-up call came when his wife found the proof. Actually—his daughter did. Yes. Patrick’s 6-year-old daughter accidentally discovered the messages. Gut-wrenching. Embarrassing. Devastating.  That moment of exposure was the very thing that broke him enough to seek healing. Now, he calls it a “blessing”. The devil thrives in secrecy. He whispers, "Keep this hidden.” “It’ll only hurt people if you share.” and “You can fix it yourself."  But Jesus says, "Bring it into the light. Tell safe people. Confess. I will heal you." Patrick did. And his life changed. Why Hiding Hurts—and Confession Heals But let’s rewind for a second. Because this story didn’t begin with healing. It began with desperation. After that discovery, Patrick didn’t know where to turn. He thought he might lose his wife. And to be honest, she had every reason to walk away. But then, a friend—someone who had been through the program himself—spoke life. This friend had also been in the trenches and knew what it was like.  And he offered Patrick a lifeline: “It’s not over. There is hope. You should look into Delight Your Marriage.” Patrick took a Clarity Call. It wasn’t a sales pitch. It wasn’t about convincing him to join a program. It was a discerning process to see if we could even help. And praise God, we could. The Hard Work of True Freedom: Identity, Humility, and Accountability That’s when the real work began. You’ll hear in this episode the specifics: how Patrick confronted the dual life he was living, how he wrestled with white-knuckling through sobriety, and how he came to reject the identity of "I’m just always going to be an addict." Because that’s not how God sees us. Patrick realized something deep and transformational: When we stay tied to the identity of our past sin, we remain bound by it. But when we accept the truth that we are a new creation in Christ, the chains begin to fall off. That doesn’t mean the road is easy. Not at all. Patrick will tell you: it was hard. It took humility. It took accountability. It took honesty. And it took work to discover what were the roots of the addiction.  But today, Patrick is walking in freedom. Freedom from shame. Freedom from the fear of being found out. And his marriage? On it’s healing journey. Better than ever.  Not because everything’s perfect, but because there is now a foundation of truth, transparency, and most importantly—Jesus. He prays with his wife now. He prays for her. He opens the Bible daily. He’s leading his family spiritually. He’s serving his wife—not as a passive man trying to survive, but as a man who is reclaiming his God-given masculinity. That’s the kind of freedom God offers. Hope for Families: When Betrayal Breaks Your Heart So if you’re a husband who’s been hiding, hoping no one finds out, let this be your wake-up call. You are not alone. And more importantly, you are not without hope. Or maybe you're a wife who discovered your husband’s secret. Maybe your heart is shattered, and you don’t know how to put the pieces back together. Let this testimony be your whisper of hope. God is in the business of redemption. Patrick’s wife is living proof. And if you're a pastor—or married to one—or you’re in leadership and wrestling with the same chains, please don’t think you’re exempt. You’re not. And that’s okay. This is for you, too. Free Resources to Help You Heal: Training and Clarity Call That’s why I want to invite you into a free training: delightym.com/healthechurch This training is specifically for those who want to understand how deep this issue runs in our churches—and what we can do about it. Whether you’re battling lust yourself or you’re trying to help others—this is your equipping. You can also take the next step like Patrick did and book a free Clarity Call: delightym.com/cc There is hope. There is healing. And it doesn’t come from trying harder or hiding longer. It comes from surrendering and allowing God to rebuild you from the inside out. Patrick’s story is not just his own. It’s a glimpse of what God can do in any marriage, any man, any home. Let this episode remind you: when lust no longer rules, love begins to lead. Don’t miss it. Listen now. And please, if this touches you—share it. You never know who’s in the dark, needing to hear there’s light. With love, Belah Resources: Free Training: Healing the Church from Sexual Sin delightym.com/healthechurch Free Clarity Call: Find out if one of our programs is right for you delightym.com/cc