EleAMental Podcast

False alarm, my missing family member turned up after a few days, no need to panic. Didn't stop the family from worrying anyway. You know, a check in to your friends and family to insure that you’re okay is always appreciated. It’s a long/short story. But it did get me thinking about how I have a history of going missing in relationships. I’ve had excuses why, but none I would consider good. More like I inadvertently set a priority list and they were not high on it. At the top of that list? The constantly unravelling drama that was my life. But no longer. Today is a new day and a new me. Now to actually change and seek forgiveness for my carelessness. This is where the real work begins.     Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

They do. Having experienced a long period of mental clarity, coming from therapy, medication, and learning, I feel very differently on things I’ve spoken about in the past. This relates to past relationships too. I know we live in a world where it’s not okay to change your mind, but that is so unhealthy. Of course we’re supposed to grow and change based off new information. It’s not a redaction, it’s an addendum. This is why it’s so important to seek treatment for your mental health issues and learn about other disorders to make you a more informed and sensitive friend to those who are neuro-divergent.      Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

Hypothyroidism. The culprit behind so many of my health issues. This is the story about how one very small thing can make a huge impact on your life. I’m currently one week in on medication for my very low functioning. The results will astonish you.     Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

For a very long time, I tolerated being the butt of jokes by my friends, or people I perceived to be friends at the time. I’ve never understood the concept of hazing or ribbing people, except as a way to cause hurt. It’s a standard I hold seriously in my life, that I will never inflict that kind of hurt, nor will I ever accept it. When the nature of someones comments works to tear down, you have to ask why.   Also on this entry, I talk about the Covid-19 Vaccine and how to engage with those who are untrusting with it. You would be surprised the influence you could have if you have patience.     Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

First off, the title is a nod to the dystopian conservative jerk off novel, so don’t take it too seriously. Ayn Rand would have definitely felt so in awe and deep compassion for the 200+ billionaire titan and all the things he’s done for humanity. Can you hear my eyes rolling through this text? When people like Bezos do the things they do, you’re always going to find some trying to spin it into some sudo self-help, aspirational nonsense. I find it ironic to use someone who crushes the dreams of many to also inspire dreams. If there is anything you should be inspired to do, it is to do better, DREAM BETTER. We all have dreams, but does the cost of your dreams have a negative or positive impact on others. Maybe when we dream, we should use the word “Me” less and “Us” more. Are your dreams selfish in nature? It’s understandable, but if we want to be better, that’s a collective effort and we have to think in those terms. Lets talk about US.     Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

Never get too attached to The Doctor, you know, the one from Galifrey. Every few years, they have a habit of changing on you. Us humans do that too, though we may keep the body, the mind can’t help being affected by the events of time. I found myself longing for a past version of myself, but earlier this year I stopped doing that. Instead, I decided to check in and see who I am now. The more I did that, the less I ever wanted to go back to former glories. So, let me introduce myself…again.     Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

The character of Loki has many things you can learn from, but perhaps the idea of having a “glorious purpose” isn’t one of them. Or is it? I was raised to believe that I had a divine purpose and destiny. In my mid 20s, I stopped believing in all of that, but upon further introspection, I think I’ve held on to a bit of the sense. Not that I believe in god or their plans, but it’s interesting I still feel this energy behind the things that I pursue. So what is that if not god? Can a person define their own purpose and also experience that drive that’s been considered exclusive to the faithful?   Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

You know those people who hate holidays? If you didn’t before, you do now. Yes, I have become a curmudgeon of sorts in regards to festivities. This wasn’t always the case, but in the course of my 30s, I’ve turned sour on many of the traditions and celebrations I once really looked forward to and enjoyed. In part, disappointments have a share of the blame in this game. Each year only feels like diminishing returns. Until recently, I was pretty set to avoid all of it, including my own birthday, until I had a conversation with my mom. She was like me, but we realized why we’re wrong. You have to celebrate people, hell, you have to celebrate yourself too. If not you, who? But we should want to be there for people, commemorate those special events. It can also just be a reason to come together. After a year of self isolation for all of us, it should make more sense now. Pop the champagne, raise a glass, and salute!        Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

I'm currently seeking treatment for ADHD. I haven't seen a psychologist yet, but I will be getting an evaluation in the very near future. I've known for a long time that I wasn't neurotypical, but had no clue that I could possibly have ADHD. I had a vague understanding of it, the usual lack of focus and hyperactivity, but it's much more than that. I'm still learning, though I'm pretty certain I deal with all the myriad of issues that comes with the disorder. Let me take you on a tour of my life and show you why I think I have ADHD and why I'm excited to start medication and treatment.   Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

Early last month in May, I started back on gender-affirming medication and care. I had been off my Spironolactone for over a year, hadn’t been on Estrogen for over 4 years. One of the reasons was being unable to afford healthcare, but the thing I didn’t ever talk about was I had been ordering online without a physician’s supervision. You can find a lot of online pharmacies, for a hefty price, willing to issue you a prescription and mail you your meds from foreign pharmacies. Let me be clear, you really, really, REALLY shouldn’t do this. But when you’re desperate like I was, and many others like me, you sometimes do things that you shouldn’t. I never wanted to encourage anyone to follow my path, so I stayed mum about the whole thing. Honestly, I’m lucky nothing detrimental happened. Today though, access to care is a lot easier than it was before. Here is my story from 2011 to 2021 about my history with HRT meds and the challenges in between.

Previously on Entry 115, I touched on gaslighting, but this week I wanted to focus in on that and speak on my first hand experiences. You may have heard the term, but do you really understand what it is? I often hear it presented as just manipulation, but it’s more than that, it’s someone turning your own brain against you. They closer they get, the more isolated you become, the less you trust your own voice, and the further you become enslaved to another’s will. Someone who gaslights can be doing it for a variety of reasons and may be aware or unaware of their actions. So this entry is not about blame, but understanding. I feel uniquely qualified to provide you with some tools to help you avoid it, escape it, or shut it down. And let me assure you now, you’re not imagining it. Let’s learn to take back our sanity together.     Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/TikTok: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

I had a full mental breakdown in early January of 2021. I haven’t really talked about it, but in this entry, I’m going to reveal what happened and what I’ve been doing to recover. I honestly thought that the worst my mind could do to me had happened over a decade ago. I foolishly believed that I could avoid the voids in my mind with some fast reflexes and precession stirring. Unfortunately, you can’t bypass an accident scene if you’re also the victim in the crash you're passing…which means you’re not really driving past - this is a complicated metaphor. Therapy, medication, and coming to terms with a lifetime of pain: Let’s chat, shall we?   Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/eleamental   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

In this entry, we’re uncovering RAMPANT ELECTION FRAUD! Oh wait, there wasn’t any, just the loud jackass who is bilking his cult for hundreds of millions of dollars from his persistent lies. If Trump is anything, he’s a decent Con Man. I just wish he wasn’t affecting our families and lives with his agenda. Even with him gone on January 20th, he seems to found away to still screw with our democracy for the years to come. This is a cluster f***, lets get into it.   Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/elenichols   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

In this entry, we’re breaking the silence. Opening your mouth can cause a lot of problems and often has consequences, but it is the only way to be heard and initiate change. I have this problem in my life where I will keep my mouth shut to keep the peace, or to avoid unnecessary conflict. Looking back, I can see all the pain and loss it’s caused. Had I just spoken up, and the earlier the better, I could have prevented so much damage. So let’s dare to speak and risk what may come next.     Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/elenichols   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

In this entry, I’m offering no discounts or specials on my time and talent. Everyone wants a bargain, that includes you as a person. Why get you at full price when they can bang you around and convince you that you’re only worth a fraction? Marc Bernardin said it best, “Be humble, but let motherf***ers know.” I whole heartedly concur. If you don’t, you’ll not just get paid like shit, but you’ll be treated that way too. Worst part, it will spread to every part of your life. I know this because I lived this and I’m here to help you avoid those pitfalls.     Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/elenichols   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

In this entry, I’m taking back ground. After a long period of losses, the end of 2020 is actually turning into a win for me personally. At the beginning of this entry, I talk way to long about a Hot Toys 1/6 Scale Batman Returns that I sold back in March/April, but repurchased at the end of November. It’s important though, because it was an anchor, a reminder of who I want to be as a person. When you don’t always have the supportive voices you need in your life to be the best version of yourself, you have to be your own support system. Totems can help in that goal and I just bought back mine. Beyond that, I also talk about the recent Harry Styles controversy where he modeled in Vogue in a series of dresses. Of course this offended a lot of fragile oppressive voices, which I think is a good sign that we’re doing something right. Carving your own path, breaking norms, confronting what it means to be normal, it’s all covered here.     Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/elenichols   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

In this entry, we won the 2020 US Election by voting out TRUMP! A hard, long race, which took a week to get the results, but it’s over…or is it? In the song Master of Puppets by Metallica, the line, “Blinded by me, you can’t see a thing,” describes the scenario cryptically well. Though they were singing about drugs, the Cult Of Trump works in the same way. Instead of a spiritual messiah that they can’t see, hear,  or touch, they’ve traded in for one who they can and one that promotes an utterly opposite view of their one time savior. They live for every word he speaks, even willing to lay down their lives for him. So how do you combat that? Come January 20, 2021, Joseph R Biden will be our next president, but for millions of American’s, they’ll do everything in their mental and perhaps physical capacity to deny that. Let’s talk honestly about what we need to do in the States to prepare for this new era.   Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/elenichols   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

In this entry, I’m recovering from a month long battle with Covid-19. Yeah, it sucks as you can imagine. I unfortunately have an underlying condition of Bronchitis, so there was some scary moments these past few weeks. To top it off, I ended a long term friendship, that was pretty devastating. Oh, and I turned 37 on October 11, 2020. This all sounds pretty depressing, but during these trials, I discovered a few things about myself and about these amazing, wonderful people who reached out to me to let me know I was loved and cared for. So despite the bad, I’m feeling really good about life and where things are going. Lets talk about that.   Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/elenichols   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

In this entry, I’m ready to go home. Two months in Orange County, CA, and now I really know where I want to be and what I’m willing to do to get back there. Strange enough, I might even be able to move about 50 feet from where I lived in my old Hollywood neighborhood. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe this too will only be a temporary home as well, but at least it’s a good place to start if nothing else.   Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/elenichols   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.

In this entry, we’re creating a new religion…sorta. Whether you believe or not in a god or supernatural power, you can’t ignore the power and force that seems to be behind those who do. I’m not of any belief or faith, but I do believe in the human minds capacity to do extraordinary things, including self-delusion. What if, bare with me, you could manufacture that same driving force? Can we manage to create a fully synthetic belief system that gives us the same benefits as believers, minus the lack of critical thinking skills and abhorrent laws and Bronze Age morality? Whether we like it or not, decisions made on the right affect all of us, so we can’t have a “live and let live” attitude anymore. Maybe it’s time to even the playing field…   Help Support This Podcast: https://patreon.com/elenichols   Website: http://houseofele.com Store/Art: http://eluded.ltd Instagram/Facebook/Twitter: @elenichols Email: info@elenichols.com   Music was provided by Damn The With Siren, featuring the song, “Big Mouth”, and was used with their permission.  If you want to hear more of their incredible music, go to www.DamnTheWitchSiren.com.