Elis James and John Robins

“Purgatory is nothing. This is hell.” You’ll never guess which presenter’s mouth that inspiring line came out of today.Well if you want a clue perhaps you might be able to tell that John has had a bum setback. But we lube up, we go again, and we create content. Though he has bifurcated into two - spiritual gas John and physical John - in order to remain zen.But let’s not continue on that bum note, because there are other bum notes to be played, for there’s a quite astonishing email from a listener determined to break a record.We also hear from the sisters of Stansbie and John’s widow is floated around the room along with the prospect of Elis getting hammered online for not reading his eulogy in Falkirk.To get in touch with all your Annsbies, and preferably not your gaseous world records - someone’s got to read the emails - then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

The term ‘firing on all cylinders’ was invented for 72 minutes of audio just like this, because your beautiful boys really are firing on every one of the Content V8 today. And that’s all despite John having some flakey skin on his elbow.That’s eight powerful cylinders for you. On Cylinder One we’ve got 'unlocking the corporate secrets of eggs'. Cylinder Two: The Novelli Protocol. Three: More eggs. Four *&* Five: The art of navigating Buckinghamshire’s beautiful pharmacy women. Six: Dua Lipa being the youngest person John can name. Seven: A thrilling man from Burry Port. And Eight: Hawaiian themed Chinese restaurants.If only the BBC’s in-house cylinder limits* didn’t prevent yet more powerful content thrust. But rules are rules.If you would like to pour fuel into the engine then elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp are the respective fuel holes.*These limits were introduced in 2008, after one positively scorching V10 piece of content on The One Show. An unnamed presenter tried to compare all pies in the West Bromwich area all within a four minute VT which smashed all recommended safety guidelines.

It’s the night before Elis’ big Welsh stand up gig, and he’s packed all the essentials needed to record a smash-hit TV comedy show: spare trousers, spare shoes, nappies and a funnel.And how best can John pep up a clearly nervous Elis? By talking him through an array of ridiculous scenarios that DEFINITELY won’t happen, and ridiculing the man's social media strategy. No wonder there are tears in the studio…Banter free zones are discussed, John hits the heights of podcast-first broadcasting, plus the wonderful Celya AB joins us in the studio.Remember, tomorrow’s Sounds Bites will be only available on the one and only BBC Sounds, so listen to the show on there if you want that.If you’re sending in correspondence, we’re happy. So keep on sending it to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or if you’re a hip cool dude WhatsApp us on 07974 293 022.

There’s a lot of inspiring going on today in Elis and John towers. And perhaps unsurprisingly, once again it’s Inspirer-in-Chief Mr John Robins doing the rousing. What Nightingale was to nursing, Robins is to content.Dave goes sanulus canulus as he follows JR’s path finding - well according to John. And a glossy eyed Elis reminisces about utilising a Robins comedic innovation as he crashed and burned at a potentially career-making comedy gig. Because, deep down, we can’t but help live like Thornbury’s finest.But what of the areas of the show where John forces Elis to let go of his reassuring hand and walk free? Well he battles to maintain his >50% Connection Rate and there’s a Made Up Game that will force Elis to rely on his practically otherwise useless NME collection instead.Want to get in touch with the show? Would you like to suggest something for the weekly bonus / Bureau de Change of The Mind? Then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.

John’s back in action - well to a degree. He can now eat Dairylea on toast and has to stand for the duration of the show. And in solidarity with the prettiest and bravest private in the Arsed Forces, Elis and Dave are also no longer seated. It’s like a podcast now manned by Zane Lowe or those under 40 business types that work standing to boost productivity by 12% and drink meal replacement shakes.And wowee zowee are the emails standing to attention today. Some exemplary Mad Dads which stop our soldiers in their tracks and Stansbies continue their push into popular culture.Brace yourself for bonus content EXCLUSIVELY on BBC Sounds. Subscribe and get those notifications on. That’ll buzz you out of bed on a Saturday morning.To submit your own Stansbie it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and if you’d prefer to go via the user interface of WhatsApp more then it’s 07974 293 022.

Huge news from Leeds, for Producer Dave has been in the vicinity of the Director General himsen. Solero perched in hand, not a drop of juice on his fingers, charming the big wigs of the media world. What an honour to be in the presence of an intoxicating whiff of his Magnum cologne.But incredibly that isn’t even the biggest news of the day. For there is huge BBC Sounds news, which, if you can believe it, is even bigger than its vast catalogue of audio.Still reeling from all this headline double whammy the boys welcome in, statistically speaking, a guest that John has more questions for than almost any to come before - it’s Andy Zaltzman!There’s also Wolverhampton connecting, a man screams in the gym and John remains the most fearless little fighter around as he graduates to sitting up.Get yourselves over to BBC Sounds. It’s the *only* place for the Bureau de Change of The Mind.It’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk if you enjoy the medium of electronic mail, and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp if you enjoy the medium of instant messaging.

At what point does a bum recovery journey transmogrify into a spiritual journey? Probably around the nine day mark, for John’s continuing convalescence from his spooky procedure has gone beyond the physical. It’s also led to him growing a beard and looking like a Russian chess prodigy, so swings and roundabouts…But what does excite John is the news that Elis has finally stepped into his first Sportage. Questions cascade forth from John’s lips like a gushing waterfall, as Kia talk lifts the spirits of our recovering hero.Spirits are also lifted further through more great banter zone jet lag stories, a quite graphic bum story from a listener, and discussion about Robocop, naturally.Continue to send us your top quality correspondence to the usual address: elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk. Or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.And make sure you’re listening through the world’s most intuitive piece of engineering: BBC Sounds.

The march of AI has engulfed everything in its path: cars no longer need drivers, paintings no longer need painters, and songs no longer need writers. But one man stands in the way of AI’s relentless progress: John Robins. What can AI do with hours and hours of one of the leading voices of generation shame? It’s a question that is finally answered in today’s podcast.Beyond the grip of AI’s ever-extending tendrils, the finest (and probably only) example of prone podcasting continues. There’s an eventful prone Made Up Game, a wincing prone Shame, and the discovery of a brand new condition: banter zone jet lag.For bits and pieces it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or swing over a WhatsApp on 07974 293 022.

What’s the only way to spend Halloween? It’s having a spoooooky intimate bum procedure of course! So John's dressed as a spoooky ghost in a bed sheet. (He's in bed as he recovers). There’s no way he was to be knocking on the doors of rural Bucks to fill his pumpkin bucket with Chomps and Refreshers when he’s got an ice pack strapped to his behind. So it's prone podcasting at its finest.While our backside hero recovers, it’s Elis’s job to do the heavy lifting - i.e. read the emails. But right now, really it's you doing the lifting. From Golden Age Mad Dads to Timberland tales, you're doing more incredible lifting than Lasha Talakhadze (+102kg Men 2024 Olympic Champion).If you want to throw anything into the mix for the boys to use on the show then it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk. Or if you’re young enough to not know ‘The Fonz’ then it’s 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.Are you listening on BBC Sounds? If not then you’re missing out on the chance to switch, with the tap of a finger, to Matt Chorley eating a flan whilst interviewing The Education Secretary on 5 Live. So listen there!

Bye Bye Mr Audio, Hello Mr Saturday Night! There are rumours that Saturday night TV is dead. That it just doesn't bring in the eyeballs that Bowen, Black and Forsyth once did and the cash well is drying up. But with five kids between them and the prospect of John’s fixed rate mortgage expiring at an unstated date, that’s still enough cash to entice the ever well oiled ideas machine into life.Whether ‘Mr Saturday Night’ or ‘Dave & Dave’s Sexy Show’ would pull in millions is one question. Another question is easier to answer: would a BBC commissioner dashing their shiny floor dreams LIVE be box office listening? Yes, yes it would.Aside from dreams of gunge, interviewing pets and the big time there’s some heavy hitting moments: an aurally unique Made Up Game, the Cymru Connection’s own VAR moment and potentially the ultimate Petty Parliament.It’s all best experienced on the BBC Sounds app where if you tire of this vapid content you can easily switch to the stoicism of Radio 4’s The World At One with the tap of a thumb. You can’t do that on any other app.If you’re of the post-S-Club generation then 07974 293 022 is the WhatsApp. For anyone older it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk.

Drink in it folks, we’re living in a new golden age. That’s right, the lesser talked about field of alpinism has reached new heights, a new zenith. And there’s one man to thank: Mr John Robins.Johnny JR’s record-breaking successful scale of the Matterhorn with his eyes (a feat previously thought impossible) is picked over in detail, as is his expensive alpine driving, and his holiday eating habits: lots of pasta, double pizzas. Have we unearthed the new Michael Palin?Among the usual japes - including elite mad daddery, more nightclub attire chat, and a journey from the bap to the barm via the butty - the boys also ordain a new youth oriented corner of the podcast. Slay.Keep your top level correspondence coming in to us at elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or if you’re of slay age, WhatsAppp the show on 07974 293022.

Jekyll and Hyde isn’t a work of fiction. Nor is James McAvoy in hit film Split. No. If you were to venture down the B and C roads of mainland Wales the past few weeks you’ll have seen something far more surprising: Welsh Elis and English Elis. For there’s an astonishing revelation of the West Walian comic once thought of as polite and mild-mannered. James’ alternative persona is coming to a Welsh theatre near you and be prepared for an attitude that will shock. As well as the mental there's also time for analysis of the physical side of the game, as the boys dig into the sudden born to bench trend of the UK funny man. There’s also a national infrastructure halting Shame, and there’s an inspirational Made Up Game sure to generate merch revenues that could pay for Tim Davie’s Calippo bill for at least the next financial quarter. All this despite an initial lack of confidence in the gameplay. Because it wouldn’t be Elis and John if they didn’t trash a game before passing it with flying colours. Trust. The. Process.If you aren’t already listening to the show on the universe leading BBC Sounds app then you better swear on Adrian’s life that you’ll sort that very this instant. To get in touch with everything from sex club chat to your own genre-pushing Made Up Games it’s elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk on electronic mail, and 07974 293 022.

What do we all do before going on holiday? Check we have our Big Three (keys, boarding pass, passport), worry about whether the place has a washing machine, and write up a draft will. It’s the classic Robins pre-holiday triumvirate.Yes, Johnny JR is off on his holidays to climb the Matterhorn with his eyes. And boy does he have a spring in his step!Alongside holiday chat, we witness the birth of a new event: The Elis and John Decathlon. Jessica Ennis-Hill and Daley Thompson watch out, two digital podcast-first DJs are coming for you.And don’t for one second think this podcast doesn’t contain excellent mad daddery, top listener correspondence and chat about the world’s favourite app BBC Sounds.Keep all your bits coming in to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk, or WhatsApp the show on 07974 293 022.

When one thinks of the great socialisers ‘John’ and ‘Robins’ are two words that don’t immediately spring to mind. But are we seeing a transformation in a week that sees John enter 1920s socialite levels of social butterflyery. From partying in Brixton and currying with top business folk, to watching Tom Rosenthal get fitted for golf clubs for four hours on a Tuesday, is there nothing this man can’t do to fill his busy schedule?Beyond John’s Big Social Week we throw open the doors to one of the great friends and PCDs of the show, Ania Magliano, who brings an extraordinary tale of her own mad father.Also, if you aren’t already listening on BBC Sounds, then what on God’s green earth are you doing? For all the other platforms’ merits, do they have direct inject access to live radio on digital tap? No!If you want to contact the show then, if we haven’t already told you it enough then elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk is the electronic mail, and 07974 293 022 the WhatsApp number.

Wheel the to 1:50 scale Maine Road birthday cake out, Producer Dave is turning 40!George Orwell posited that 1984 would be a year of bleak dystopian nightmares. In reality it spawned Lionel Richie’s ‘Hello’, the film Ghostbusters and Stockport's finest podcast-first producer, Dave Masterman. Eat that, Orwell.So it’s time to celebrate in the only way Dave knows how: with a bucket of coleslaw, an overly priced toastie, a trip to the local omnipotent bar chain and an hour of podcasting fun. We hear from an array of friends from his past including some Mancunian acquaintances…Away from the birthday fun we get more insights into the secrets of sex clubs - John, fully clothed, has his notebook at the ready - and we all go a bit chippy mad.Make Producer Dave’s 41st year his best yet by continuing to send in your top quality correspondence to elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp.And remember to keep it locked on BBC Sounds.