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© 2025 Employing Differences
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A conversation about exploring the collaborative space between individuals, hosted by Karen Gimnig and Paul Tevis.
285 Episodes
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" The learning space is best served when while there is a problem, it's not a giant problem. There may be a flame, but the whole house isn't on fire yet. And that is the ideal learning space because once the house is on fire, your brain is not set up to learn, and it is a capacity issue. " Karen & Paul discuss the factors that motivate individuals in groups to engage in learning interpersonal and collaboration skills. They explore the importance of having relevant problems to apply ...
"It's not actually about how the other person feels, how the other person reacts to what it is that we say to them. What we're really worried about is how we are going to react to their reaction." Karen & Paul discuss how to handle difficult conversations by focusing on one's reaction to the other person's emotional response.
"Just because I am a hundred percent willing to hand it off and a hundred percent confident in their ability to make it, doesn't mean that it's something they're willing to do." Karen & Paul share the complexities of delegating decisions in collaborative environments. They explore the dual aspect of the question 'Can you decide?'—considering both the capacity and willingness of the person being asked. Key topics include the importance of setting clear parameters, anticipating possible ou...
" If we're not clear about what we are doing in exerting that control, why we are doing it, how long that will last. We can amplify that stress response, that threat response in all of the people around us. So it's not just that we have less collaboration, but we're probably freaking other people out." Karen & Paul talk about assessing the appropriate level of control to exert in organizational crises. They explore the tendencies of leaders to increase control when faced with unexpected ...
"If you can get somebody who will listen with you, read with you, talk with you, explore with you along these same kinds of things, your odds go up dramatically for actually making a difference in your organization." Karen & Paul talk about the benefits of having a 'learning buddy' when working on relational skills and collaborative practices. They highlight that while learning alone can provide some insights, collaborating with a small group can significantly enhance the learning proces...
" Sometimes what we think is gonna be a small change or isn't really gonna inconvenience somebody else turns out to be bigger because we just don't know what all is going on with our collaborators and our colleagues." Karen & Paul talk about managing unexpected changes in collaborative projects. They explore the cognitive and emotional impacts of altered plans, emphasizing the importance of self-grace and understanding others' responses.
"You land in a place that's more challenging than you expected, you don't have the sense of belonging that you normally would think you'd have in that kind of environment. And I just wanna say, if we don't have a strong sense of connection in a group, we do feel threatened." Karen & Paul discuss the cognitive and emotional costs of differences in collaborative spaces. Through Paul's experience in an improv workshop where he felt like an outsider due to age and familiarity gaps, they expl...
"So none of us liked the fact that we were in that situation, but the fact that we could then choose which of these various options works the best for my situation, what's the least bad thing for me? I now had that choice." Karen & Paul share how to effectively present the least bad option to a group, focusing on the importance of context, choice, and connection.
"The sooner they know, the better they can deal with it, and if they're hearing from me that it's not gonna happen. That has a totally different feel than if we wait until they figure out on their own that it's not gonna happen and then are coming back to me for it." Karen & Paul discuss the importance of timely communication when project deadlines change. They emphasize why it's crucial to inform stakeholders as soon as it’s clear the original timeline won't be met. The conversation exp...
" I don't want to jump to assumptions and conclusions here about this. So let me understand, do you need this by a particular time? What would the impact of it, it being here by that or not? You need to do it in a way that the other person feels like the conversation is moving forward." Karen & Paul explore the complexities of asking for timelines in personal and professional settings.
"And if what's in my head and what's coming out of my mouth don't match, we're gonna have all kinds of trouble in the space between." Karen & Paul talk about the dilemma of being open versus decisive in collaborative settings.
"One of the things that happens oftentimes when people want to move on is, you know, they try to just plaster over all of that with positivity. And that sort of dismissal of the feeling doesn't help people to move through." Karen & Paul discuss how groups can navigate the emotional aftermath of difficult decisions, such as layoffs, while transitioning towards future goals.
" You do not want to be attached to your plan. You really want a mindset of, oh, so this is the thing we're gonna have to change today. That to expect the unexpected that we know it's coming. It's very unlikely that nothing's gonna go wrong that day, and it doesn't mean it's terrible." Karen & Paul discuss the importance of anticipating and planning for potential issues in collaborative projects and events.
" While there's a group of us that's coordinating and making things happen, we're not the ultimate decision makers for certain parts of this. And it's not clear where the decision came from. And so I just found myself going like who made this decision." Karen & Paul talk about the importance of identifying who made decisions in collaborative settings.
"When it feels like you are the one who's always doing the work and the other person isn't helping you to feel heard, that can really lead to a place of resentment. Not necessarily because they intend it, it's just what happens." Karen & Paul explore how to feel heard in conversations, especially when the effort seems one-sided.
" What most of us kind of grew up with is this assumption that if I'm in a disagreement, I'm trying to win. This is debate club. The goal is to win, and the way that I win is to put down the other person in some way. So if I can just dismiss them, that means I win. And I wanna point out, I don't think it works that way." Karen & Paul talk about the importance of validating others' perspectives even in disagreements.
"Ultimately, delivering an ultimatum, like any tough conversation, is about saying things that people don't want to hear in ways they can hear it." Karen & Paul discuss delivering ultimatums in a way that maintains relationships while clearly communicating needs. The goal is to make the conversation constructive, focusing on both the content and the relationship.
"Power over always damages relationships. Sometimes it's worth it. I think this is one of those cases that we do it because it's worth it. If it's worth it, but if you say it and don't mean it, odds are you'll have damaged the relationship." Karen & Paul explore whether to express ultimatums in challenging situations. They advise thinking carefully before making strong statements and suggest examining the underlying emotions driving these feelings. They also discuss the importance of tim...
"Someone is kind of making some sort of argument, and then you eventually realize that they're arguing against something that no one is actually even proposing that you do. And by making it clear that that's not being proposed, it can be really useful, because it heads those kinds of things off." Karen & Paul share strategies for narrowing choices in group decision-making. They explain the importance of defining choices clearly, using techniques like mini-consensus, creating buckets, and...
"If we don't stop to say, 'What are our values?' the personal interest will become our values. It will be what guides the conversation." Karen & Paul discuss the importance of identifying and understanding values within a group before making decisions.
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