Expecting Expats

Kids’ clothes. Seasonal changes. Hand-me-downs. Rain pants. And… somehow an enormous amount of mental energy. 😂On the surface, swapping your children’s clothes from one season to the next sounds simple. But then come the questions: What still fits? Do we have rain pants? Where are the winter shoes? What needs replacing? What should we save for the younger sibling?It’s not just the clothes. It’s the mental load.In this episode of Expecting Expats, Amanda and CJ talk about the invisible planning, remembering, anticipating and decision-making that comes with changing your children’s wardrobes — and why this can feel even more complicated when you’re raising kids abroad.We talk about:👕 Why the seasonal clothes swap is a whole project
🧠 What the mental load actually is
🇩🇪 The expat layer — including German Kita requirements and the infamous Regenhose!
👧👦 Hand-me-downs, siblings & storage
🛍️ Sustainability vs. reality
💬 Whether a fair partnership really means 50/50
❤️ Why recognition of invisible work matters
📅 Small systems that can make recurring tasks easierAnd then there’s the emotional load. Because packing away tiny clothes isn’t just about clothes. It’s also a reminder that your child has grown, another season has passed, and time is moving very, very quickly. 🥹💡 Our takeawayYou don’t have to solve the entire mental load in one conversation. But noticing it is a start.Talk about what you’re each carrying. Make the invisible visible. Recognize the work that isn’t immediately obvious. And find small systems that make recurring tasks easier.And if you’re currently surrounded by tiny sweaters, rain pants and piles of clothes that no longer fit… we see you. 😂❤️🔗 Resources & Recommendations🧠 Mental Load / Equal Care Test
Make invisible care work visible and start a conversation about how mental load is distributed. Available in English and German.
👉 https://mental-load-test.org/en/start/ (mental-load-test.org)📖 CJ’s recommendation: Attached
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explores adult attachment styles and how they can influence romantic relationships.
👉 https://amirlevinemd.com/books/attached/ (Amir Levine, MD)🎧 Amanda’s recommendation: In the Dark
Amanda is hooked on In the Dark from The New Yorker. Their current series, The Journey, investigates a mysterious California couple and a shocking surrogacy story.
👉 https://www.newyorker.com/podcast/in-the-dark/the-journey (The New Yorker)🌍 Amanda’s Work — Mindful Mama
English-language pregnancy, birth and early-parenthood support for international families in Frankfurt and online.
👉 https://www.mindfulmamafrankfurt.com/ (Mindful Mama)❤️ CJ’s Work — Worlds Apart Counseling
CJ (Camilla Jensen) works with expat and international couples and families around communication, relationship patterns and cross-cultural challenges.
👉 https://worldsapartcounseling.com💕 About Expecting ExpatsExpecting Expats is a podcast for expat parents navigating pregnancy, parenthood, relationships, identity and family life abroad.We’re here for the messy, funny, beautiful and sometimes overwhelming parts of raising a family away from home. Thanks for being part of our community! ❤️

Watching your kids grow up is one of those beautiful contradictions of parenthood: you can be incredibly proud of who they’re becoming while also quietly wishing you could freeze time.In this episode of Expecting Expats, Amanda and CJ have an honest, emotional conversation about the bittersweet experience of letting go as our children become more independent — and how that experience can feel even more complicated when you’re raising kids abroad.Amanda shares what it was like to say goodbye as her nine-year-old son flew to Madrid on a school trip — his first time travelling abroad without his parents. What should have been a moment of excitement and pride also brought a surprising amount of grief and anxiety as Amanda realized that her little boy is becoming a big kid.CJ reflects on her own smaller, everyday moments of letting go, from watching her four-year-old confidently navigate a doctor's appointment to realizing that her almost-three-year-old can do far more independently than she sometimes gives him credit for.Together, they talk about:💕 The emotional rollercoaster of watching our children become more independent✈️ Why a school trip abroad can feel like such a huge milestone😭 How two things can be true at the same time — we can be proud and heartbroken, excited and scared🍼 Why milestones like weaning can unexpectedly bring up feelings about our children growing up🇩🇪 How parenting in Germany can encourage independence from a young age🌍 The unique expat experience of raising children who may one day feel at home in multiple countries🏡 What it means to be a “safe harbor” that our children can always return to👣 Learning to support our children's independence without hovering💭 The identity shifts that happen for us as our children need us in different ways👀 The unique experience of being the people who hold the memories of our children's childhood when extended family lives far away❤️ Learning to grieve the little versions of our children while making space for who they're becomingOne of the biggest reminders from this conversation is that letting go isn't one single moment — it's a lifelong rhythm. Our children will continue to need us, but the way they need us will change.And perhaps that's the heart of parenting: helping them feel secure enough to go out into the world while knowing they always have somewhere safe to come home to.🎧 What We're Listening ToAmanda recommends:
How to Let Go of What You Can't Control and Redirect Your Energy — Mel Robbins PodcastCJ recommends:
Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés💕 Connect With AmandaAmanda Graybill is a childbirth educator and birth doula supporting international families through pregnancy, birth and early parenthood in Frankfurt and beyond.Through Mindful Mama, Amanda offers English-language childbirth education, GentleBirth and other support for international families.🌐 mindfulmamafrankfurt.comAmanda's work includes online and in-person support for international families, including childbirth education and pregnancy/parenting support.💕 Connect With CJCJ / Camilla Jensen is a couples counselor specializing in expat and international couples.Through Worlds Apart Counseling, CJ offers support to couples navigating relationships, connection and the unique challenges that can come with building a life abroad.🌐 Worlds Apart CounselingYou can learn more about CJ's work and book a session through her website.

Summer is (almost) over, and we're back in Frankfurt! ☀️🍂In this lighthearted summer catch-up episode of Expecting Expats, Amanda and CJ sit down to share what their summers actually looked like—from family trips and international travel to summer camps, weddings, World Cup fever, and the very real exhaustion that comes with travelling with kids.CJ spent much of the summer at her family's holiday house in Sweden before heading to Denmark, while Amanda packed in trips to Valencia, Amsterdam and Utrecht, plus a children's sailing course back in Germany. Needless to say, neither summer was exactly restful!We chat about the joys (and challenges!) of travelling with children, including putting kids into a Spanish summer camp for the first time, navigating cultural differences around mealtimes and bedtime, and discovering that sometimes… home really is where the pretzels are. 🥨We also talk about the reality of having young children at home during the long summer break—with no school or daycare—and why getting back to a regular routine can feel like such a relief for parents.But summer wasn't all chaos. We reflect on our summer bucket lists, the spontaneous moments that ended up being some of our favourites, and the things we want to carry with us into autumn. For CJ, that's the cosy feeling of Swedish summers and spending time in nature. For Amanda, it's making more room for fun and spontaneity while letting go of some of that summer FOMO.And because autumn feels a little bit like a new year when you're a parent, we also look ahead to what's coming next—including CJ's exciting new chapter as a certified couples counsellor.In this episode, we talk about:What a summer of expat family life really looks likeTravelling around Europe with young childrenSpending the summer in Sweden, Denmark, Spain and the NetherlandsPutting children into a Spanish summer camp for the first timeThe challenges (and unexpected joys) of navigating different culturesWhy Spanish family events happening at 10pm can be a shock to the system!The never-ending work of feeding and entertaining children during school holidaysThe relief of getting back to school, daycare and regular routinesOur summer bucket lists—and whether we actually completed themSummer nights, World Cup fever and spontaneous adventuresThe funny ways our children develop a sense of belongingWhy sometimes home is where the pretzels are 🥨What we want to leave behind and carry into the autumnEmbracing cosy autumn vibes and making plans to get through the winterCJ's new chapter as a certified couples therapistPodcast RecommendationsThis episode's recommendations include:Two Cents Podcast – A witty and honest podcast about the experience of living life in Germany as African women.Camp Shame – A documentary-style, true-crime-ish podcast about a children's weight-loss camp. Definitely one for a particular mood!A little reminder for fellow expat parentsSometimes a holiday isn't actually a holiday.Travelling with children can mean cooking, cleaning, managing bedtime, navigating unfamiliar places and keeping everyone entertained—just in a different location. But that doesn't mean the memories aren't worth it.Whether your summer was full of adventures or mostly involved trying to keep everyone fed and alive, we hope this episode reminds you that you're not the only one figuring it out as you go.Thanks for joining us for this little summer update. We're so happy you're here❤️More from Amanda & CJ🌍 CJ — Worlds Apart CounselingCJ is a couples therapist who works with expat and international couples, helping partners navigate the unique challenges that can come with building a relationship and family across cultures.👉 Worlds Apart Counseling🌿 Amanda — Mindful Mama FrankfurtAmanda is a childbirth educator and doula offering childbirth education and support for international families in Frankfurt, with classes available in English.👉 Mindful Mama Frankfurt

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed as a mother that you suddenly snap—and then immediately feel guilty or ashamed about it?In this episode of Expecting Expats, Amanda and CJ are having an honest, vulnerable conversation about something many mothers experience but few feel comfortable talking about: mom rage.Mom rage can feel frightening and completely out of character. It might look like yelling, snapping, feeling like you’re about to explode, or simply needing to get away because your nervous system has reached its limit. And while the aftermath can bring a huge amount of guilt and shame, this episode explores a different way of understanding these moments: what if rage is a signal rather than a personal failure?Amanda and CJ talk openly about their own experiences with mom rage, including the everyday situations that can push them over the edge—from bedtime battles and getting out the door in the morning to overstimulation, expectations, and the enormous mental load of motherhood.They also explore why anger can be particularly complicated for women. CJ shares insights from Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly about the ways women are often socialized to suppress anger, while Amanda reflects on the difference between ordinary anger and the feeling of rage that seems to take over before you have a chance to respond differently.And then there’s the expat parenting piece.When you're raising children abroad, the overwhelm of motherhood can come with another layer of complexity: parenting in a language that isn't your first, navigating unfamiliar systems, worrying about being judged, and trying to reconcile different cultural expectations about what "good parenting" looks like.We also talk about the difference between guilt and shame, why shame can keep mothers isolated, and how connection and community can help us move from “I am a bad mom” toward “I did something I wish I had handled differently.”Most importantly, we talk about what can actually help.From noticing the early physical signs of overwhelm, taking a break, stepping out of the room, asking your partner to take over, grounding yourself, and using tools to reduce sensory overload, Amanda and CJ share some practical strategies that can help you catch yourself before you get on the “crazy train.”And if you do snap? Repair—with your children, with yourself, and with the people you trust.Because mom rage is a nervous-system response to overwhelm, not proof that you're a bad mother.In this episode, we talk about:What mom rage actually feels likeWhy mom rage can feel so different from ordinary angerOverstimulation, stress, sleep deprivation and the mental load of motherhoodThe connection between anger, boundaries and unmet needsWhy women are often taught to suppress angerGuilt vs. shame—and why the distinction mattersThe role of the nervous system and our fight-or-flight responseRecognizing the warning signs before you reach your breaking pointPractical strategies for managing overwhelmRepairing with your children after you've snappedParenting across cultures and navigating conflicting expectationsThe additional pressures of expat motherhoodWhy community and connection are so importantLearning to listen to your anger without taking it out on your childrenIf you've ever wondered, “Why am I reacting like this? I love my children so much—so why do I feel like I'm about to explode?”—this conversation is for you.You are not alone. You are not a bad mother. And you don't have to carry the shame by yourself.Resources mentioned in this episode📖 Mom Rage: Understanding Anger Before It Erupts📖 Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly🎧 The Motherhood Sessions🎧 Motherhood Until Yesterday — including the episode On Mom Rage with Mina DupinKeywordsexpat parenting, expat motherhood, expat family life, expat parenting tips, expat family support, mom rage, motherhood, maternal anger, parenting overwhelm, nervous system, motherhood abroad, international families

Having a baby is a huge life transition. Having a baby in a foreign country — while trying to navigate a complicated bureaucracy in a language that isn't your own — can add a whole other layer of overwhelm.In this episode of Expecting Expats, we talk with Marijke, co-founder of Elterngeld Help, about one of the less glamorous realities of expat family life in Germany: paperwork.From figuring out whether you're eligible for Elterngeld to understanding the difference between Basiselterngeld and ElterngeldPlus, there is a lot to understand — and many international parents don't realise just how much planning can affect the benefits they receive.Marijke shares her own experience of becoming a parent in Germany as a Dutch-British expat, including navigating the system as a self-employed, privately insured parent. Her experience of trying to understand a 23-page Elterngeld application eventually inspired her and her husband to create Elterngeld Help, a tool designed to make the process more accessible for international families.In this episode, we talk about:​Why German bureaucracy can feel particularly overwhelming for international parents​The emotional and mental load of navigating paperwork during the postpartum period​What Elterngeld is and who may be eligible​The differences between Basiselterngeld and ElterngeldPlus​How working part-time can affect your Elterngeld​Why self-employed parents need to understand how their income is calculated​How having another child can affect your Elterngeld calculation​Why it's important to understand your eligibility rather than assuming you don't qualify​How visa status can affect Elterngeld eligibility​Why some families wait months before receiving their first payment​The importance of planning ahead if you're self-employed or considering having another baby​Additional considerations for families with premature babies, twins, triplets or children with disabilities ​And why asking for support isn't a sign that you're failing — especially when you're navigating parenthood abroadAbout Elterngeld Help:Marijke runs Elterngeld Help, an English-language service for parents applying for Elterngeld in Germany. Free eligibility check, calculator and month planner. If you'd rather not fight the 23-page German form yourself, they'll go through your situation on a call and send back your complete, filled-in application within 48 hours. You sign it and send it off. Expecting Expats listeners get €30 off that service, €149 instead of €179, with code EXPECTING30.👉 Find out more: elterngeldhelp.comMore from Amanda & CJ🌍 CJ — Worlds Apart CounselingCJ is a couples therapist who works with expat and international couples, helping partners navigate the unique challenges that can come with building a relationship and family across cultures.👉 Worlds Apart Counseling🌿 Amanda — Mindful Mama FrankfurtAmanda is a childbirth educator and doula offering childbirth education and support for international families in Frankfurt, with classes available in English.👉 Mindful Mama FrankfurtPodcasts we recommend 🎧As always, we ended the episode by sharing what we've been listening to lately.Marijke recommends: 🎧 Child — a BBC/Channel 4 podcast she listened to during pregnancy. She found it informative and reassuring, particularly because it helped her understand what was happening in her body throughout pregnancy.Amanda recommends:🎧 The Mel Robbins Podcast — Amanda has been listening to Mel Robbins again and particularly enjoyed a recent episode featuring an orthopaedic surgeon and longevity specialist, discussing ways women can support their long-term health and strength as they age.CJ recommends:🎧 Real Survival Stories — CJ has been listening to this podcast before falling asleep and particularly recommends the episode “Saved by a Humpback Whale,” a fascinating and touching story about a researcher who has an extraordinary encounter with a humpback whale.