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Find Your Voice

Author: Aren Deu

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Find your voice


A movement led by Aren Deu, to help you combat your excuses, take control of your life, write your own story & most importantly FIND YOUR VOICE!


Whatever your current situation is telling you, it is not the end. It is just a chapter or page in the book of your life. This podcast will interview people from all walks of life who have faced, anxiety, grief, death, loss, ups & downs with many trials and tribulations but have found a way to persevere. They have found their voice.


It will demonstrate to you that with the right mindset and correct action you too can really start taking control of your life and finding your voice, in whatever arena that could be.


Finding your voice is about showcasing your true self and making decisions for you, not to please others. It is a metaphor for finding your purpose in life and taking control of your life.


It's always been a goal to change the world, but I can't do this alone. I need your help. Join the movement and let’s share our stories and voices.


#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice

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Never give up and keep smiling #35 by Narinder HayerTagline: "I don't believe in giving up, there is always a way to achieve your dreams"The tag line of this episode says it all. Narinder Hayer is a public speaker, personal trainer, nutritionist, life coach and so much more. She is someone who broke the barrier and led the way for Indian girls to be a part of the gym and make a sustainable, comfortable lifestyle from health and fitness.She is never one to shy away from her fears and continues to face all the obstacles in her way, in the only ways she knows best: With a smile and action! She is someone who screams energy, enthusiasm and a raw passion for just wanting to succeed in everything she does. She shares stories of incredible transformations from a few of her relationships and discusses throughout this episode the importance of chasing your dreams.Narinders message is simple. If you truly want to do and achieve something, you can. But it will require a good work ethic, facing your fears, handling opposition, taking set backs and sometimes feeling lost. But if the goal is worthwhile and your ambition matches your execution then it is 100% achievable as she explains.Now coaching celebrities, having represented UK too on the health and fitness platform, Narinder has huge hopes for the future of health and fitness and aims to be an inspiration to 1000s. I am sure all her clients, family and friend can be very proud, and I am sure you will all hear the authentic enthusiasm in her message on this show.Key talking points in this episode:Not being afraid to be differentThe importance of being yourselfLearning to love yourself, within as this will transfer to your external worldThe importance of never ever giving up on your dreamsNever taking no's or set backs as final.I sincerely hope this episode provides you genuine value. I also urge you to follow Narinders message if it resonated with you, or if you enjoyed this.Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhSLinks to me:Website: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6yLinks to Narinder:Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/narinder.hayer.771Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/narinder_hayer_fitness/welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of falling your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today a lady who has really paved the way for women in the health and fitness industry during that hi yeah no no in the highs being in Luxembourg she's been on TV's worldwide she's represented England for so many things in relation to health and fitness but more importantly than that I something that I really connected with was her true in daring nature you see no interest somebody he just genuinely care as she gently wants to see people change their lives for the back and even more importantly should I say something that actually goes through the whole theme of the show is that she writes her own story each and every day she has completely scrapped the stereo type of what Asian lady should do she is empowering ladies from all across the world and she just so insightful in the way that she won conducts a self but T. it depends moving forward so somebody who I can definitely see myself potentially colliding with on some health and fitness stuff as all right you want to try to disrupt that space just a little bit myself but I'm conscious this is a long interview somebody let you stop rambling now and once again it's one of thank every single one of you for the massive support this podcast is growing ahead of a lot quicker than I thought so that is %HESITATION down to you guys and the incredible guess I've had on it so without further ado let's get this interview on the way okay so I'd like to start off by welcome in every day to the show today she has Carly taken time out of a day to share his story so knowing that if you wouldn't mind if you could kind of well first actually how you doing today I five are and how you a lot thank you sorry I almost forgot to welcome you to the show it's okay this is the second time recording today so much he just that I lost my train of thought is off so it's very important obviously I've had a little bit about your story just before we even start this podcast if you could give the listener is an insight in relation to your Janie and up about yourself basically what brings you here today find your voice okay %HESITATION right side my name's me to head out I've been in the house with the this industry twenty three yes and it's twenty three yes I'm talking when I still eat there was no %HESITATION I should be in the gym it was not no information woman's being that Jim Jones I was always told it was okay the Asian boys to be that the culture is a bit different at the time %HESITATION funny enough when I actually went into the gym there wasn't even that Asian boys so it's actually the Haitian pastor in the gym it was it was hot it wasn't the most easiest thing you know it's kind of discriminated against I was gonna knock down several times that many I kinda down the chain I'm a very very strong pass and so on let me go back to how it started so when I was quite young I used to watch my brother is trying on a similar kind of nice to find it quite expiry that break up early in the morning the training and I'm talking like four or five in the morning but not the pop come bokeh chin upset I'll be like well you know what I have to deal with these I'm not well my purpose can do I can do so it was one of those I was kind of into fitness I love this site %HESITATION you know it was just something not quite a spider that was kind of my hobby six seven anybody want to define me that black medicine that you know some easy you could lose mate was actually if it was anybody's wedding at resume da she's in the gym fast to erect cock it was kinda like yeah so that was my karma sentries and I kind of looked at and that's something that nobody can ever take away from you that's kind of my hobby or sign away have confiscated and that's kind of my place where I kind of got it because she had so I remember when I was quite young I said to my dad %HESITATION okay so my dad kinda has become I'm not a job I think is amazing %HESITATION as I was almost on the of how the simple and this is why I'm gonna go out but a how to guide because of my family members and my that's where three years ago okay so I'm thinking of going into fitness I'm my dot com I mean it was not very much in those days it was it not for nation gal to go in the gym I'm my document okay so you guys but if you're serious about it do it you can always talked about that goes just also try on you know you education what you wanted to as I'm still gonna do my degrees and still gonna do Michael sees but this is something I think crime I want to do I think he's got a long way my dad goes well okay if you're gonna do that coach of the boys want to kill kill can do I don't remember that twenty three a and %HESITATION I wait Todd I did I literally I kinda tried with a lot of amazing he fitness guru sensible on these guys eighteen took me into the reading told me what I needed to I mean again I answered I might be a very very strong sweetness lament %HESITATION and I appreciate all the support of out of the twenty three as a lobbyist and knocks me but a lot of people supported me %HESITATION you know the kind of open the doors and I'm so grateful for every possible I hot I'll buy you know what you'd be shocked I'm actually so great for the people that not me as every not box made me the strong I need to get out tonight so I'm actually quite thankful because it made me who I am so twenty three S. I kind of did a lot of cool seats I come to train with a lot of amazing people are rex I love the jeans I %HESITATION I would say %HESITATION I'm a child accounts and I lost which counsel a motivational speaker on the minute you stop you can construct on the beach body coach and %HESITATION instructs out the insanity it's my favorite blackout locating everybody I say I'm I'm one of those guys which writing is located okay if you're breathing on the floor I'll check to see if we give you some more about how you got a free shot back out %HESITATION so whatever levy getting the results if you're not gonna put the effort in so I'm also part of and six in the city which is a famous London team which is for about four just saying is if I somebody does and and support minus lies so %HESITATION I'm part of it and he's under that is old he's my inspiration and I think if he can do that I can do that so I'm part bees at ready Tina team as well I went to Luxembourg recently on the thirty first of may represent quite Brett I represent six in the seat with my team represent T. Asian women represent to date at my religion my committee amazing running sixteen thousand people it was over twenty eight degrees it was the hardest thing of my life but what I kept thinking these and after you've got to grab the medals you need not just one because we went through into faith which is a run for world peace I all the nations and all the coaches come to get it was a fascinating to learn about different cultures I kind of fun I was so interested in not I met so many different people from different countries as well and we went to represent season I want to come back and it's funny the amazing thing all I kept thinking about it he hit sixteen thousand people you sort of collapsing but I can't think his rent out you gotta get these looks about minimum because when you get the swan you'll get the interfaith while which means that you represented %HESITATION I would because I was used in the U. K. I caught fire I don't fight it write it to me I believe in up to a point where I don't make the mistake get up and do it again so I do the I. five O. several times in life but I got up go up and did it again but when I'm excited when you give up before you even tried and you can't do that so if the website and I count I'm not I'm not like happen every always how to never be I don't believe in that's too bad I was nothing you can't do in life it's not really the tensions in your life you can be what ever you want to be and I fixed it twenty three S. amaze it might break K. after twenty yet %HESITATION I introducing sounded to to move on someone to hold on to James it can be expressed in stock it came in the Asian newspaper and next minute the radio shows a ringing me up %HESITATION and then expect somebody okay to beat the comics playing exactly what I've done or not you need to come on the show a wreck everything is nice and I hot how did a couple of obviously because I've been working alongside a remote clients %HESITATION base it went on the show with a couple of out of state and I thought that was like oh my god what what Jerry just think how this might of us next in a live interview went to Europe became one of the most famous Asian gals I'd be on Asian boys twenty three years ago so what Asian boys could it today in the gym it was as you go on the show to ask how they came one of the most famous Asian gals %HESITATION and to go with the most qualifications sigh I have my fish out and ate it comes up %HESITATION I recalled on Wednesday said it show in Asian community on by seven seven one %HESITATION every sat at one thirty and you know what it's so shocking I recorded but I never watch it I don't like the box was not I don't know why I DO nobody's when I look back on it because I criticized offsite knowledge which is get criticism is good but I know I could have them back so I know if I don't watch it I know I made mistakes I'm not I'll do better next time some very critical about myself if you can take criticism be quick critical by itself and take criticism from other people may choose from the past so you know I've kind of done quite a lot of a lot on %HESITATION and then after that %HESITATION unlock doors of life and %HESITATION again I went to see doctor that came back and beat up on a lot of Asian shows %HESITATION I've been to speak for a lot of and so the S. I train about celebrities newsreaders models %HESITATION you know you have the American weight loss %HESITATION so I I do a U. K. version of the song yeah I've had a lot of sounds stories last about a year ago %HESITATION she was twenty twenty five and we ship on a lot right and I mean that was quite a lot she went to a doctor and I talked to said we're not going to Saudi Arabia to say so he goes you need to do so by although I should have gone to see a family you're not you're not gonna see nobody at that point okay because I'm a qualified counsellor she came to me for accounts and she cried as she was made up I'm a Die because I talked to tell me a minute docks so what what support do you talk to and she goes well okay just said on the city's right unless I log in it shows what you offer not just being told him in a tight in your life you know it's not you do not I met some training I was like you know well I will help you through this journey I will get you to that point we will lose the right to get it in a way because the team because I tried alongside my client against on that I don't believe it's under the table motivation starts when you get on the next machine you feel like they did so I chained up and %HESITATION we got down she lost a lot already she then met I love you mom she got married Genovese it was amazing and to go to that wedding when you know it's time to make a speech and told that you know thank you what was life like right that's when you know you're a good passer try as much as I trainees about %HESITATION how many clutch we have the I will control the jeans and then I got twenty thousand I got these I'm not reading I'm like you know what constitutes morning Paul and when my clients good and they got I mean do you know what I'm smiling I feel good I know that I'm a pessimist raise your clients will make you well I'm and I don't know I've always been a strong passing I don't believe in giving up I've never gives I don't I don't believe in that I've always been a strong positive past maybe because of how the support of my family and even now you can show how many people say to make me to give it up you've done enough not you've done so much in your life and I'm not not I haven't it's it's funny I'm not you know what happened in the book well I'm not not that I'm I'm just about to start on the like the you don't twenty three yes I'm not not on what I have in mind today I haven't saw it so these a working on all of that and projects %HESITATION you know some people with disabilities I think everybody has a right to have a chance to trade it doesn't matter what you disabilities you know everybody has the right to feel exactly and I feel good about themselves because training is not about just getting a great body about make you feel good inside I like to make my feet my clients feel good inside and shot it shows on the outside as well fitness is about is about your mind it's about your body and your confidence and I think everybody has a right no matter what ever you disability so I'm I can but a little when I say she's a crime not I have a lot of qualifications welcome to people with disabilities I'm kind of excited to get the ball rolling on the outside the shit and I think they deserve the opportunity %HESITATION I wax or live a U. K. let's not get my chest undead %HESITATION I travel a lot with back depending on when the clients I DO Scott visit and bought yet Scott that cats are too high visits I'm a lot of clients in America %HESITATION yeah basically everywhere and anyway I'm Tom yes I did I don't know I start even now I don't believe in giving up %HESITATION you know after after I've done this with this effort because maybe I thought went today never feel your energy coming through my computer screen right now and I'm I'm say in half as opposed to trying to myself actually and I'm kind of like yes this is the kind of a because this is the kind of person trained about all I would advocate for so I really recommend person trained is not when I went to prison training it was the tree for the happiness of fulfillment to change somebody's life yeah because I know higher losing five change my life I don't care for yeah once T. of numbers I don't I don't necessarily care for the paycheck either it was about instilling that Paris is called to see them really to transform their lives so when you said about how you change that woman's life that was a beautiful story because I've had clients who have come up to me and David you said the best years of their life was the time that they tried to make and sometimes it was not necessarily even the way because it was more about how they felt when they were around me and just that self confidence I was able to give him so I know just from the way you're speaking on the sea you've got to have a lot of experience a lot more than myself that you do that with your clients which is and I've got a list of questions here and I want at least a point someone in real life because your stories fascinated so basically twenty three years in the game now I've been preaching health and fitness fo the best pop eight nine years and the reason I Pratchett is slightly different reason it's it's the fact that I'm just fed up of see people die at around me family friends and eight AM seven and I'm just like why are we not prioritize and a house and it is probably one of the the few a posh is that when I try to work so like on going to depart because not to do you love it I do property investing you are the business is like still keep going back to health so I conversation for another day art your brains because I have some divisions in terms of how we want to disrupt the health sector as well myself and see I think your knowledge would be valuable for that you mentioned no boys Asian boys in the gym at twenty three years ago and that's probably the truth of it because even ten years fifteen years ago when I was at university there was like two guys who actually went to the gym I bet you thought they were weird because while we were too busy drinking vodka and eating kebabs and doing all that crazy exactly that with those ten this is going to the gym you would think it you're wasting unity but straight after university dot such you when I actually started to take my health service in a kind of kick myself in which I went back I also love the lesson that your dad said to you and I think that's a brilliant point go show the boys while I go can do I think that's that's fantastic and it's empowering full any ladies out there who maybe fail that fitness isn't for them it's it's a male thing because it's not it's a passive thing we can also enhance our minds and our bodies and our company history fitness and can you just while we're live on show because I always say this to people not trying to advocate women get into some sort of training can you please dispel the myth that would be able to simply and a reply on the shores think of when the pickle weights I always get a lot of women that come and try and that a lot you're not going to sing I'm not because white pickup more white and got locked out of it that I look at me it's it's you know what it is I think sometimes you listen to so much and you start to believe it you think it's because the guys pick up the right to think what it looks like that it doesn't happen all I am actually I'm really slim but I'm very strong and you can still have a very feminine body still be the most strongest and may think passengers I pick up a lot like and I don't look like a man and I swear I might sound like one teacher is teaching a boxing class and I've called I lost my voice %HESITATION about no you need to mix cardio you need to mix cardio and weights you need to DO resistance wet because about to get one of the most amazing bodies Claudia will make you so lame and skinny the cardio machines and the weight of the dumbbells are the ones that will give you the shape you to combine the two together and I made I say that to every that's my comes at you with a lot we meet on this this week I studies in drama gonna tending to Amman I'm not know why I'm not white he told you that at such and such tell me that I'm not no I always say to my clients that at the end of that I bring my life coach my comes name what is it yeah and I say look into the peace officer making a living you for a while you do pass I tried it but then it teach you how to love yourself once you learn to let me stop you look at this around you you become very inspiring in a meeting and I'm one of those people I don't I think if I find somebody very toxic or negative I don't work that way I woke up sick as I thought about that being a positive passing a wake up the sign right and I and my site I'm always smiling we'll talk only say it's like a speech everybody in the gym I make it my mission to speak to every single pass and in every July and they're going to because you never know when that might need you as sometimes lacking the industry you have to be approachable you have to be at you know kind of friendly towards like you're in the wrong job I have a lot of people come up to me inside so me %HESITATION train is don't smile all you guys could be chest high and I'm like you know what I'm not like that because all I eat if I tell you the %HESITATION just quick story because we sent a in one of the gyms we had a young twenty one year old killed that will say and she sat in the changeover how to Hans covering half iceage was crying I was about to go into each and I remember next poems in towns and I quickly went to change your game on I saw this young gal and I saw this in that with the house kind of light over ice and I was like you okay and she looked up my chest me what did you just ask me how I am and nobody my life has ever asked me about reading I'm not really she does not mean that nobody from my family and my friends have never asked me she was quiet on what you know watch like if you're hot and she does she'll tell me I went no no funny business I'm not like and I kind of broke the ice to start it off I know what you know well what is it you can talk to me I said you know I'm a life coach constructs what you tell me today's confidential BC you have to you know it's confidential she told me to shed its like story because she wants others to realize that you can change your life and she goes we drop I am the bodies and the ladies in the office the grown women with children picking me up because I'm all the way express my head down the toilet wow just not still happen and she was like man dell I get please because I'm over by and she does I I don't like the slight and you can tell this child was depressed and I went okay if I made you a promise I promise you from today and I will change your life I will give you the most amazing body for you I will make you the will meant that nobody will pecan I will turn the tables and make you the most strongest woman if you out with meant she kind of some interest thank you I said no I haven't even done anything yet I was that you don't need to say thank you she was I mean that you're twenty minutes late I'll be T. class I was like these people away you can't and you know what I'll be when I went back to Mel B. T. class they would touch you got me I was not yet ladies get over it but I was I was a child I thought as a child that needed help to that and I'm glad I stop for that child I defy anybody and you know the following day the shop the young gay okay made a call to talk because I'm she's younger she came in to walk me about kind of how it is and she will make chocolate some psych rock festival next to the gym you can bring them in it's not don't give them to each other it's like bringing back he's into that you start it up and she was like this is the US and why I haven't done that she is known to be dating site my like last night I was in that to think right when I got myself together I'm going to do and get as many tablets as I can I'm gonna kill myself she wanted overdoses south and that was the end of it she goes because you gave me a hug and stopped to ask me how was you say my line right I literally cried in the remote site all my god I was like look if I had never stopped which always well I'm not that kind inside for example say somebody did stop I talked with and I did a lot and all because your body because you're overweight I don't like that I think the the council I've dealt with you've been used I deal with eating disorders I deal with cancer patients I do a lot of people and you know what is I do not like please I cannot stop I know nobody does it you know what is in use twenty three S. as accounts and every time there's somebody sitting in my office and that was to help people I'm not about how do you know what people need to stop you need to look at yourself before you pick on somebody else never thought you respect you know what she's all deal with them never because somebody else because it's so wrong and you know what that site when I realize I should I say this child's life so then we started training we got to that point we work with a cast of music to help %HESITATION we've had case she won the case all the people in the office will fight it she's not the assistant managing the office with the most amazing body she loves to sell she has she has a new team of people or young so inspiring and she does not you size model she comes in the jeep and the funny thing is every time I see yes that you're looking very sexy she does you know I look at you guys nobody to tell me and I waited a long time for that you don't tell me about a one point two Charles ones and a lot of shops every time we see out she's or why he's kind of like me that you know what sexy I'm not yet I waited a long time for that this is what I'm saying always make you job say hello to everybody I I deliveries to it because you never know it's only because she knew that I always approach anybody she was I mean it you know thank you so that's why I'm signed up being in the industry isn't just about being a past which right now and I yeah you know it's not that many clients it's about looking after these people carry you gotta be carried these people even if it's not your client you always got to be supported why he's giving everybody a comp you Max these guys will come easy sometimes I see people saying that I'm not you okay no doubt about that coming this summer job I do that I would do for anybody because I see like these my family went to the gym I'd want the site site support from my family you gotta be that for everybody likes to show it so precious you can't discriminate and I think a lot of I recently you know had a lot of comments from a lot of public in the gym and I can sight not even on small yes I'm trying to start small don't talk to us I'm not I'm not I talk to you much you know me I did I think that's why my life coach at a motivational speech it's a kind of good quality to have people or why he cites made when he talked about I'm not thank you for the compliment I never take anything top because you know what everything has a meaning if you tell me it's not so much I'm not thank you I read a note that's why I became a motivational speaker I'd somebody you said you you need to stop what you're doing don't do you modify it you've got enough matter I know with that comment came from it comes from a good place so I'm not roll you know what then you sit back and you think you know what you have issues but they're not my problem you know to me so I I don't give up no matter how many times and like I said twenty three is a long time to be knocked down and knocked down several times on you know what I was right now if you guys can do these I can do that I'll just because I'm Asian Gil doesn't matter who you are it doesn't matter what religion doesn't my what culture if you're a man or woman never give up because you know what thanks to shore you can be what ever you want somebody says you you can't do it you know what to think sit back and think to yourself why can't you can't you know maybe I'll be lucky because of how to support my family but that's become like my manager at the moment my dot you truly will all go up to exit out what you think about this project I've been often these days my doctor now so we will yeah I'm a god is amazing yes I was late and I don't think a lot of people have that support I know it's hard but you know what never give up because you look back and regret it I do a lot of people I'm not you know what what did you want to be you know you that conversation when you're young in the greatest advising us what would you like to be when you grow up about the conversation with a lot of people in the gym and they're not I want to do this but I never did I'm not whites all is just get a fighting I'm not reading out it's never too late to try it you know these people try to you know what thank you I try and help everybody as much as I can I don't I don't believe in giving up I I just think small goes a long way it's funny the most powerful thing I have and I always see like these must must be the most powerful thing that somebody nobody could ever take away from me because that's something that makes me who I am and I saved a life as for a lot of people %HESITATION so yeah I am also thankful to god I say my parents taught me but you know what the end of the day I always state right to go out and say thank you for your help I I'm happy and you know every good thing the opposite my lot I do I go to the temple thank you as you cannot forget god without doubt there's nobody and that's my that's my you know I've been in about it %HESITATION but a lot of people have helped me over the years and I'm so thankful %HESITATION you know a lot of people still which why not me I'm not you know what there's no way you can knock a strong woman you caught not someone who knows if they going on just love that so it gained under point someone up on a kind of put out of this if I may basically I just wanna say obviously there was %HESITATION the whole support network which you've been fortunate to have for anyone who doesn't have a support network I think we definitely need to look at the only two people like yourselves to the new windows in the vote even myself always try to go out my way to help someone whether it's a phone conversation %HESITATION face to face me up just to try to support people there are genuine you people out there who will take time of the day to help so don't always think that always more moment I don't believe in me thus it my dreams are over because I have to go against the grain on set in decisions in my life and in hindsight I'm so grateful that I just bit the bullet and took those phase out the way because actually turned out okay so definitely recommend people to do that another thing I picked out from you is that I long settled is vibrant and bubbly energy does a person who truly K. as in not a not so you'll be what kept you going as a personal trainer I love that about you because one of the things I resonate with on the is not that's how I felt with my clients I could feel that pain saw was that somebody was always naturally in great shape I was in OK shape our country really bad shape then I got back into shape so I could always kind of empathize what they're going through one of the things that really hurts me to this day so I stopped I actually want to one trading for a long time now and some of my clients have kind of gone back to their old habits Bubsy changing this circle of interest and I didn't really get side when I see them not and I still feel like having invested in that they're a part of me and I always feel like I haven't done much of property that they haven't been able to sustain it and even to this day does does does somebody got to listen to the shows the public knows you're talking about it would mean the world for me to see him go back to how we used to be because there's so much potential there by gay like to kiss don is the G. about taking that motivation I think especially when you've done it once so really you cannot speak from experience you've been day you've had these holidays for some people that may be having how did this difficult all I know just quickly going back to my place here he's been there he shape and this is for anyone one if you've been there yourself or to it to somebody else has been there in the world that shows you as possible yeah that's what it sort of I I and I'm gonna say great now that because I am curious how you've got so much energy now I have a lot of energy for about eight hours of the day yeah I saw that you so I'm not sure interpret surprisingly enough Lafayette suffered a lot shyness in his eye and a lot of the times somebody was smart on the wall would have to do with our small part it's the new look at the floor so it looks like on boarding up when I was never avoided a prose too shy to actually made that quite content I'll change nine but what I want to know is one obviously how you keep descended yet because I'm sure we could all do with that top of this if if it's available but what's your what's your daily routine from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep at night you know what festival going back to the top of it it is no trouble only is basically I don't believe in giving up I think you get once make the most of your life and like you said you see in a lot of people also let him you know what we see I've got loads of close friends who passed away I have a lot of kinds includes kinds of patients who passed away and that broke my heart you realize that you know wall you could be here today and gone tomorrow you gotta make the most of your life so you can do it I would say to everybody I'm gonna go as far as I can tell all I think that's you know but it's never going to be you know I'm so for me I don't know I wake up in the morning I kind of lie I don't know I kind of hate to go I wish you a lot people like you don't know religious but where does he said you have to look religious ready to go out I thank god a one to one basis that's my relationship with my car I wake up I pray to god I'm not quite a gives me not strong motivation I'm not right I'm ready for the day I do not like this all right above the pass and so there's nothing in your diet that gives you this expect that healthy you know I have breakfast and then you should be all a lot of the men make the mistake of mixing me wasn't thinking that get the most amazing body it it doesn't lock you need to be having breakfast let's do not to knock and I make it why is housewife who died too much I have a daughter with me so make sure that I he take exactly I'm eating healthy I do have a treat every so often I mean a lot people think that you cannot you have to live that life if you're on a diet no I have everything keep modulation I have all the treats I want I have everything I don't even give up two parties I love to buy these and I can't give up my house basically so I eat very healthy throughout the day %HESITATION if I feel like I need something I'll have it I don't give up I still have everything in moderation well my attitude I don't know what she can do because I think what it is for me twenty three years of being knocked out every not bad made me strong ago so and it made me realize wow that's a very very negative press people in the cell and then I realize I mean the right job because that's how spent the house well he was a speaker at an event a couple weeks ago and you know talk about mental health and fitness actually does help out in the press that is all a T. depression anything can align fit ness releases endorphins as you know you know when you're training it releases a stress you need to be in that gym because of the sea a lot of people think hi consoles that will not solve the problem and I don't know I always just I'm just always been a positive but I'm not signed everything goes cafe in my life and every day he's not going to I hop but they sometimes but you know how I analyze it %HESITATION well you know what what was a bad day something goes wrong I'm not okay eat on working on a project and to go through I'm not okay it was not meant it wasn't meant for me yeah it's a great job thank you think you know what I cried about it what are you going to do so I went somebody a long time ago and he gave me this advice you guys if that's something physical in your hand you can change change it to that %HESITATION physical why you gonna cry stress yourself and make yourself go about it so I always remember the I'm not was one of the managers when working in accounting he was with me and he goes to minimum dot remember this for the rest of your life and I don't remember the name of the yes and I think to myself you know some truth so if I got a project and it wasn't meant for me I'm not allowed you know well what can I do next it pushes me even more motivates me more to read something else so I don't believe in giving up yet nice not all right perfect and probably some of the most likely I'm always slightly outside I'm joking I love the mall %HESITATION jokes how for the timing of the loss of the drugs and all you crave these jokes my clients and they look at me like media craze yeah but you know what so why do nobody any hawk how will be passed always happy because maybe like I said he knocked for twenty three years is a long time of being knocked down and every not back made me a stronger Gail I thought how did you knock me like all right for example hi %HESITATION couple of em yes I got I want to do that we and that was the show when it was that kind of life coaching and I said to the guy a BC which I like to come right and he goes yeah once a month it was like like coming his stage I'm on a story is about and he was a light blue at that point he sold the skills quite strong she comes on this day she's going to overtake my shop and actually he's thinking was wrong I want to I each collaborate and become the most powerful people on stage he think that fall so he %HESITATION inside the box no onsite and go head to make you show even better than what it was and he goes no thank you not this time most about and at that point I was let me go it was like wow these he won't let me on stage some all night and then be analyzed each the fact he had beat almost social media page check out get not skills to awful looking at that stage and this website sometimes people take it the wrong way so he let me on and the following week find another way and ended up on somebody else's show so that even came about absolutely this is one size something's not meant for you you're not meant to work with people and I thought wow I didn't know I thought I did shoot and I'm like that's right presents what weight I. light weight can be strong motivational inspiring people support not not cute if they're gonna not me I don't know what could that you know me and but I will never lack connect to people if you're gonna not me I will never record I twenty three years of the Knox noble so now I'm one of those people if you come across as quite negative and toxic and you find me intimidate eight then I won't work but I'm not intimidated passable humble guilt you have to wear at twenty three Hodges my dad the Eiffel Michaels is my dad said to me if I give you the money for each course he goes you will never understand the meaning of money so all right well I do not invested in my old cell I tried this leads many not get from that are the best in the next calls on the next all my equipment and I built my business like that I have that much equipment in every location on like art I don't even know what else is wrong %HESITATION I'm a very very down to earth pass and sometimes it looks deep I look at your yes my stuck up I'm not that kind of because I could be still call even if I tried I'm a very humble down to as Asian funny GTO that's what I am and somebody comes up to me is that he just well I will give you a hundred ten percent I'm not that kind of pass it even if it's something I can help you with I will find a way to help you will recommend you to the right people I don't believe in giving up and I don't even know how I help every single president no matter what it is even if it out my compass %HESITATION I will go out of my way to help you spend thank you you know what your battery's five eight that is the first time it's five you have such a positive vibe about you you come across a might be so much of may and okay so I don't I have twenty three as your age at you to me it sounds equals may decide well I because I love that's not to say I love the motivation I love what you're doing I mean these podcasts I'm like all my god how to make that this man has done so much and trying to get the people to help people and I look for thank you so much for that all that's there is something that really hit a note with yes please when you said that guy who was afraid of you coming on the shelf not if I have to you almost kind of from the outside look at yourself and look at me way completely different in terms of your very energetic and very it wears I'm quiet and more I suppose I quit laid back no delays because it sounds better one thing that actually excites me is the %HESITATION I'm sitting here thinking I need to come up with this person on something something to change people's lives because we always get exactly the same thing also you know amazing exactly and I don't have the space to mourn set off %HESITATION death and I'm trying to because at the end of the day what's going to happen is say for instance we were on stage you're gonna get X. amount of people are gonna resonate with you better there's gonna be except for we have our own or just put together what you're doing that you're talking to a much wider audience and always believe that we should always try to have the abundance mind set because it how many times you kind and we have the same values and ethics because %HESITATION what I'm hearing from you is your cat for the people or your stories relate back to how you've helped somebody at an absolutely loved and that's pretty much it meet in a chat well I've had a lot of like I said because we're trying to see the not wet creek I when I go trying to clients and redox you out too much experience what we've already got this online white which is always out you guys exactly equal survey SO training like you said it's not about just having someone clients are not only I say that to anybody I'm like you know what all I'm not suitable for you guys you know there's so many amazing people out that only difference Whitney's I train alongside my clients if I had and the thing because I think I will get with every single machine these people because I want to make you feel special that time I'm a very professional training when I train my clients will be safe I don't talk I speak to anybody in the gym but when I'm trying to my clients my focus is on my client that one out of spending with these people is my focus if somebody comes at the height of the dot I just put my hand up and not say you will not get comes out to meet us my client is a mostly pound hello that said it not Rick for me because I have paid for that time they want they want the results all you don't believe in easy back out I'm kind of like a killing machine if you guys come to my class you got a couch eating out you had a good workout I have a lot of my clients who would text me let me go read out you killed me I cannot sit on the toilet skis I can't get it to bet on coffee I mean I %HESITATION and I'm like I spun off and locked and then not your marble I'm not no give me a couple of days your ring me back in your blood you know I feel good they do he's on site sometimes people don't understand what has some training for me that's what I need overruled is about clearing your mind yeah I did shoot your confidence shuttle lifestyle and it's about mental health it will bring that everything for you it's not just about getting amazing party SO training for me is it not as a Chinese I will make you feel good insight and I she stopped to lead to love what you have on your side everything went yeah if your happy yeah how do you approach to the people how you have conversations I will be even more policy I said you will attract positive people you been positive I think not our whole and you know me but I did find a lot because we train is Connie using the same technique a lot of hassles like this I've come across I'm not saying this some amazing people that yeah %HESITATION but I'm I'm just talking about I see you on it they always need they know that I'm talking about it hello and I would bet you that nobody's okay I know but I'm saying sometimes it's just about training and I was over there good bye see you later bye let's see now it's just the training is not the personal side and the personal size that's the most important thing social key I'm like wow sorry and I'm so can somebody recently I like I said someone may ask train is out there the amazing talented people I'm talking about Pacific for them on the talent that I believe it should be mentioned and he was like yeah whatever so he was so he's going to hear it basically yeah it is watching you guys okay I was on the back catch it about yeah that's all I thought well I think people like that and this isn't to kind of light what people are now allowed speak up I think it's a bit like you know when people go for normal job just hate their job where as some people genuinely love that job so when I was in person training I actually Jan you need is love being there where is the whole approach of all my god the times of hall five when I was in corporate I couldn't wait to leave the office off I sent like kind of I can relate to them so what I would probably suggest to those people is is personal training actually for you because it isn't as easy as let me ride Jim plan and then I stand there and kind of the reps it's a fight physically it takes a lot of energy it takes a lot of mental energy takes about physical energy especially if you get involved yourself is off and you have to be a hundred percent committed to changing that pisses life used the truly invested in your services so I always think when people celebs can become a best trying to because that they have that you can make the for your wife of about a month I'm like you you're going into it for the wrong reasons is going to be this will be something intrinsic within you that Jen you want to see people change if that makes sense so I thought it ready for me when I mean it's SO tried it wasn't about the money just Soviet and everybody was like well you know how much you can and I was like no I'm gonna help you I mean if you want the twenty eight I love helping people even when I was younger I always being back having like and I'm like if I can help somebody if you put a body %HESITATION and they would like would you not you don't want to know what you have right now that will come and then he went to get away about but if you call me the view that I'm gonna put you on hole it's it's a wrong way to think up yes you've got to be paid I understand not that you know what you have to care about what's his what's right able and you cannot just out I'm self catch you later yeah I think the key and this is kind of more why trying tell people is find something not one of the C. makes you happy yeah makes you for failed and then the money itself you know come from some place people tasted the opposite way they're going for the money that the fed up with the %HESITATION than the one copy and I'm not switch that around the only problem is is when we do it probably our way as I'm sure you can you can test of this when I first life has tried it wasn't any more money than their previous jobs I was doing but I was enjoying it obviously for which the whole nine I was he would be fine but I didn't have the energy especially when I started it was I do a session and then up to maybe another one that I need a break and it's difficult it's tiring which is why I find you inspiring in terms of you seem to have this consistent headed yet again we're gonna find out how to put in a bottle cause gonna sell it should make the money but I have yeah it's a brilliant thing and I just wanted to touch on just before we move on to the next question one other important thing that you touched on to anyone hearing this story now you seen somebody he seems very confident who is confident he's very great at what they do but they also mentioned something really important and that was that you have bad days I'm not something always trying to help people that don't always look at what you see on social media and I assume the everyone's having this perfect lifestyle because I'm in the day it's very rare somebody's gonna think or do you know what I'll just post my shit and social media so it's refreshing to hear that you have these bad days but he's already absolutely if somebody says that they've never had a bad day they lying if somebody is ever if somebody can put their hand up and say never been depressed they line up is made the number one thing is I teach everybody I guarantee you that has %HESITATION fruit something in the lot doesn't matter the most successful people in the world hot hot times like that you make sure you meant if you've never been through it the line you know me I know everybody I hop so amazing successful people that I train it'll be for it but you know what that's made in the past and they all decide what that's like but it's how you deal with that you can either cut up and the lights are out or do something about it and I'm one of those people like if a project goes wrong %HESITATION something goes wrong you know what that's okay to shop for you know we're gonna find another I mean she can I find the whole to do anything %HESITATION and I get in that way and that got kind of like yeah I don't believe in giving up there's always a way to get into something that you wanted to on our love dot it's about people some people don't want sexy you be shocked how many people are waiting for me to file even now I I have so many people have supported me over the edge from amazing trainer is to is to is to solve many people bought is also a handful of people who don't want me to succeed and Molly you know my comment to these people is you know what there's no way you can not me you know to me so how can you not somebody who doesn't even given up yeah call but it would be nice to see more people like me more like you sell inspired beat you know helping out community and let people know that the all people that will support you anybody anybody sends me a message and we don't want to get into these old my clientele is not very good what can I do I will go out of my way to help you to make you the best because he wrote motos that's what it's about making you guys even better hi yeah read read different personalities I suppose in the us up enough I as I exactly the same but there is a lot of people in the world you don't like that and they want to see people do well and is a pretty cold I want to see do well but never as good as them I cannot get the I think it's a sketch to mine so I think we need to be in a place of abundance in terms of support as many people as you possibly can because the more people you support the more support in retrospect you'll get yourself is all and that's how I can move quicker in the road so I I love that you do that I suppose what we're trying to do is almost fine collapse people's Janie's because we've got the eight years of experience that ideally it would be great if not we have to go through the years to get to where we are not loved not within the first year maybe two years so %HESITATION it's it's brand well my med like I said I'm a mental for young students who want to get into fitness I'm sorry well I am trying to do you kind of hit on the night trying to get take the twenty three yes these people that anyone it is less than twenty three yes I want these guys to be the best because that reflects on you if you make a bet then you I don't wanna needs today we have all models to these young says and I'm not sure if you guys want to be back you want to be better than me and you like it was like now I don't think that then you got my note reading I'm gonna make you better yeah as if I make you better than me you have done I don't what I needed today and you'll the next role model if you were the next strong guilt you're the next one next and you know what we've done it we stock eat the bulls already %HESITATION you know and all I see everything because the tricks of the trade I mean every project I wanna come on all you will share that with everybody I need to tell you guys why I did this but how about how bout these the cat hobby to divest background behind you we define quality is like I said I'm a life coach got some motivational aside many different qualifications make you a very strong now I have a lot of qualifications in my hand I actually have the molds qualifications %HESITATION and that's why I ended up with my shop that's because I don't believe in giving up even now when I finish one project among the next I never stopped and I don't know maybe that's why I'm really bubbly all the time I'm not right next challenge although not next what what I'm doing to myself up to that point where I have everything in one hand so it makes you the most strongest possible Gail in the west Midlands and that's why in the world at the minute I'm thinking that's a three nine it's on the anything people out there out sick makes it but there's no reason why you call be the you know the face of the world and I think with your enthusiasm and with your knowledge and stuff you should definitely try and obviously I mean not right away you know I would love to work with you and see if %HESITATION you know obviously everybody sneaks into this you are amazing thanks much I would love to collaborate with you you come across as for me you said yes to me doesn't seem like a guesstimate site you're exactly the same as me and I'm not up on the web these press and you have the energy you have to drive you have the passion and you want to do good for these people I'm not I would love to it is in on it so it could be just me we're definitely not on the station could you also touched on the disabilities is on and one of my siblings and long story short is when they first came they croon walking straight lines and stuff so that to do a lot of %HESITATION patient therapy and one of the things that hit me was they will get in segregated at school and there weren't a lot to pay for what I goals and stuff and you really upset me and one of my passions and it was one of my goals I wrote down and I kick myself because you know how you go through life and the life takes of you get certain things that you you were supposed to do one of my goals is actually to create something for children with autism children with learning difficulties to have the ability to do fitness so you touched on this at the beginning of the episode early trip mate and all of it so I think it's a conversation with obviously take out of this podcast let's make an impact can the globalization's now this yet %HESITATION along projects on the cell because I think everybody from adults to young children have every they should have the same opportunities as everybody else and they should never be said we'll get and it's such a shame that you know that at school especially when such a young age that kind of life separate eat old they cannot take part in an event and I think every child has every right to be part of it is about how they do it yeah I if I can help not just out of those children of the what I needed today that that is the practice of my job so the middle part I'm not you know what yes you know what we'll do a great job with this witness well thank you for that yeah you wreck on worldwide if you would come with me because we need to access is out there so I'm gonna segue little bit dense you've had obviously not box after not blacks throughout your journey into and I can only imagine how difficult it is for a lady to go into a a predominantly male industry especially when you did and that being Asian on top of that as well but you've come through and I think it's gonna be ever done for anyone listening up until this point that nothing's going to really stop you which is fantastic and I should inspire people that a lot of it is just our self belief I'm always said just like looking for when the door just silo hole just to kind of find your way through I really love that what I want to ask you that is in this particular moment right now what is your actual biggest fear I see Molly I don't want to be safe yeah I want to be out of that to help as many people as I can in the U. K. on me maybe if it got to be at all I can't reach you need everybody that I need six not something I gained arsenic within the fear of when you start to realize that your ways have an impact to your your job or your service can change people's lives you almost feel like you said you you that you want to you want expanded so you've had like such a positive impact on so many people from here tonight looks of back to the TV shows which could be broadcasted anywhere in the world and now it's kind of like okay I've got this power with this kind of responsibility I need everyone to know this and I'm a bit like not to let your story now he's he's teaching me so much value I want to kind of share with as many people as possible so kind of agree with that because I think that's probably a similar answer to what I would say is well but one thing that I like about you that you're not afraid to show your best way as well yeah in the fact that %HESITATION what if somebody takes a %HESITATION will gets better than me I liked what you because it is about I see isn't that the point is that the point I said my best way to somebody's back as a result of me helping them exactly another people thing with that is because when somebody actually asked me the same question so when I ever started like property or fitness I was just give him everything life or limb like two six and they were like yeah you got a hold of him but to selling those that will not really because the reason I do this is so people live longer and live happy yeah yeah I would like but you should hold some of your stuff back and I said listen can copy me and they can take it that's absolutely fine actually I find that as a compliment because the logic is in me well I think of the material so they can always be one step behind me or the time so I'm happy to kind of give my best because every year even after this conversation of late so much more again and this is one of the podcast because I get to connect with people with more experience more life lessons and I almost level up every single time so I have no fear of giving my best work on that particular day because I know tomorrow is another opportunity to grow give more I nothing obviously you demonstrate that you've been doing that which is why you've been so successful print or not you're very welcome you know what you give me so many compliments and US I say a general I think the same of you I think you are very talented yeah your past that I think he's lacks a lot %HESITATION you know your quality of lax as a law I can tell just by speaking to you today that use change so many people's lives you've done exactly what I did %HESITATION %HESITATION yeah your message press which I got hello all I will definitely be recommending you to a lot of my clients someplace I can't reach some clients don't want to I J. men and women yeah so some men sometimes just want to check with someone that I know you too how to you know send the details of possibly not needs trying it out and because it's made me that I will let you know if you on line and I was somebody exactly like me hi so much passion and drive you want the best for these people and you remind me so much of me I'm right now I will go back and see people cage you are amazing and you know I love people don't give you the option to like today I mean you get the option to to come on and share my life story and I eat I'm so grateful for that because everybody gives you an opportunity not you know I mean you got message to share on something that I think will resonate with a lot of people that say this way and I appreciate that and I always think everybody's always supports me my life I'll always be split them guys you know me you are truly amazing to size I mean give me doc ready I think you know what to me I'd like I said the surface tones but came to meet your true inspiring I've come a lot from you today to keep RC dot so what I'm gonna do is now that she'd read that is all going to walk with the fun part of the show and this is a part of the show where I'm gonna ask you stuff that we haven't touched on so it can be very random topics such as coke or Pepsi for example and the reason I say this is just the kind of give the listeners a bit more of a flavor into the kind of person that you are that you off somebody else other than this driven and passionate person trying to trying to change the world you do like stuff like pizza or met on %HESITATION yeah they yeah until six so it's gonna be about sixty to ninety seconds so whenever you're ready I'll get site yes I'm ready okay we're gonna going three to one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be I don't know that's not a good one and I come back to the book okay your favorite hobby as for would you rather know how you would die when you would die when why are you secretly good at that nobody knows a lot of things I just I had a lot of talent no I house unless you're one of the I don't know I think I'm really good at telling jokes your biggest role model okay mumble model on the sea my father what would you like to be remembered for as one of the most all these motivational fitness girls in the U. K. in the world in the well if you could relive one day again what they would it be yeah he thought all I had the most famous Asian gill on and cakes as the day you got through so fast but I wish I had the chance to slow down I have so much to say and the show just gonna finish and that was it and I enjoyed that is amazing the ability to fly %HESITATION being visible invisible the number one thing that annoys you people gossiping about people money or fame your proudest moment see my family so proud of me %HESITATION specially come about from Luxembourg the medals into quickly and I'll be like when I walked in the house lights on these resembles a basically how to best your favorite food the food is actually agency which is by the soft cheese what is your biggest addiction I like chocolate your favorite motivational speaker myself if you could sit with one person in the world for now he would it be and finally we're gonna go back to you if you could about each one thing in the world what would it be toxic people I can't read it so that's the end of the F. on fire and and we're almost out yet the end of the show nine so I just want to ask you to form the questions if I may to read that so high so it's a wonderful thing I'm a firm believer that we can do to get to places quicker easier and less heartache but I'm also a fan believe that the JD teaches us so much as well so what when and always know when everything that you know now with all of your experience in one of your life lessons if you could go back to a young never into maybe twenty three years ago for example and whisper something into it yeah what would you say I go back and say to me da that every note box don't cry obviously but as you've got you know to to to haul a whisper and say you know what never give up and you know what become the best you can and the last question is if in a hundred and fifty years tiny signs vows to save us and all that exists is a book and in this book it's about you it's about the life of an everyday it tells us or them amazing wonderful things or the ups and downs of your life firstly what with the title of the book say and secondly what with the summary at the back tell the person picking up to entice them to read it Hey that that's fun to the book would have thought of me that smile I think he's almost social media I didn't say that never give up always smile and become the best you can yeah it just say you need to read this book like about it just an old car inside the box and it was like something like two twenty three years of my life would not be easy I had a good time to have the bad times did you know what what Judy made me who I am today I'm to be calm the best you all you need to you need to experience but you need to read this book on the yeah what say you know what you want to become strong yeah this is not in this ticket out it will make you the most phone he's accent in the world one of the generator yes I love it six I just before we close the show is there any questions that you wish I'd asked you that maybe you want to convey to the audience no I think can you awesome amazing questions questions that I've never been asked before and it made me think for the fist on on on well it was amazing you know I kinda let so much myself today I think everything you do in your life teaches you something one yeah and after this you know after the podcasts told me so much you know and it's made me a stronger the most mighty kind of pass and you know it might my message is getting across to people %HESITATION and you know and I always used thank you you're very welcome thank you as well for your time and just what I want to do now is give the audience a chance obviously connect with you so what's the best place people can reach I I and maybe tell you in that they listen to the up so just follow your Jenny which I'm sure that it is so much from other social media for me is at the moment my Facebook and Instagram post if you think what I'm doing I'm on my Instagram page which is never in doubt I'm just goal hi yeah that's HA Y. E. R. a discourse so all my Instagram and Facebook zero I see I'm on Instagram Facebook Twitter and linkedin as well but my need to use more of my life coach he motivational best place to find these Instagram you'll always see everything continue and I will kill my clients and law I do can and you know while I have no shade just about it is a mess I colleges I don't I don't feel bad for you because I know at the end of it and get the most amazing body so yeah social media %HESITATION he won T. M. and they want to go on social media because I mean the mile on an eight hi Charlie why he are at Hotmail dot co dot UK fantastic well we'll do is get %HESITATION in those a few the actual property links I'll put him in the show notes so anyone listen to this can list you click info and then directly go straight to the pages so make life a lot easier I would once again thank you for telling me show the store today for everyone at home thanks for listening thank you silence thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
"The Hopeless, Homeless Hero" by Dave Heffernan #34Tagline: "Control the controllables"Dave Heffernan, has such an inspiring story. From the age of 5 his life has been about indirect selfless service linked so closely to adversity. it has seen him, become used to death at such a young age. It has seen him, cope with grief, death, homelessness and violence. Yet amongst all this, what Dave shows the best is that we all have a choice. He chooses gratitude, positivity and happiness. Dave has a perspective and mindset that I we can all benefit from to truly improve our own mental health and well-being.Now a pioneer for mental health and wellness, Dave is making a larger impact on the world and it was a privilege to have him on the Find Your Voice Podcast. He is truly sharing his voice. Dave and I also spoke, briefly in this episode but more so prior to it about his health conditions too. He will inevitably (as told by medical professions) become paralysed. Yet even At that moment he found a silver lining and now pushes further to help serve as many people as he possibly can. This show is about people like Dave. This episode is a blueprint for what Find Your Voice is all about.I urge you all to follow his story below:Some key discussion points:Making peace with your decisionsFinding the positives in adversityHow to control the controllablesThe importance of listeningImproving our Mental healthSupport the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhSLinks to me:Website: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6yLinks to Dave:Website: https://daveheffernan.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/daveheffernanltd/ (page)Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/david.heffernan.969 (personal)LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/daveheffernanspeakerPippa transcript:welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of your life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I am delighted to have to bring to you today a pioneer for mental health and wellness but more importantly than that a guy who truly cares and that's how would so what Dave although Dave himself actually because I'm self the hopeless home is hero and when I asked him one of the questions that run the show but he's so much more than that you see Dave has had to deal with adversity pretty much his whole life and I'm talking everything such as death grief abuse homelessness and even violence yes one of the things I love about Dave is he's attitude and the way he touches meanings to the events that happened in his life because after all we all go through adversity but we always have a choice you see we have a choice of whether where a victim weather where a Victor and Dave explains choices in relation to always try to be the Victor and always try to see gratitude in that moment he does that incredibly now we only touched on some of these adversities in life and I'm sure you're gonna agree that he's life highs definitely had its fair share of troubles and obstacles but one of the things that I really acknowledged about David are really was grateful that he was able to share not just with me but hopefully with you guys as well was his mind set his mind set is fantastic and whatever hits him he's always finding that silver lining and that is what makes him such a special character I sincerely hope you enjoy this episode I ended you or to follow his journey after this because I have learned so much and even since recording this my whole perception has changed dramatically to order the cards that I have been dealt so without further ado let's get this interview on the way okay brand so I'm extremely excited today to welcome Dave on to the show where we're gonna be hearing about his incredible story but more important even than a focus on choices now the theme of choices will become more apparent as we obviously dive into this episode but I think before we begin I'd like to face the welcome Dave to the show and Dave how you doing today I'm all the plans are you I'm very well thank you very well so if you wouldn't mind Dave could you kindly give us a summary about you story really in terms of what got you through life and where you are today yes certainly well I grew up in a place called out sold which the self Graham I'm just that and it was actually described in a channel four documentary as being one of the roughest council station hold your and my house bordered solve the dogs we all saw the docks which is now sell the keys weather ABC immediate six years I and as a five year old needs to go over there on the owner just watch the ships in the way because it was just a magical place I am a ball parks on the aces the docks closed down and would not thousands upon thousands of them on the plugs and skilled workers and so it became a very rough and crime with in place I am SO at age five I became an altar boy and I'm a local church with the promise girl I was with and I said my very first funeral five years old which is not normal I know only a lot my life a lot of people say that's not normal and and you know what is normal and the day is you know how you base your expenses and which becomes normal GA I sell other age five assimilationist funeral and between the age of five and a S. there go with four hundred funeral soccer game quite used to death and grief a very early age in this site really shades I am a life on several of a poem about life choices I am at but what it did allow me is on the edge of a gain on official grief counselor although she said next to me just bought a house out and I always say yes all the canal provides the walk could do was listen now I support and help hundreds of people have been suicide over the last few years and the biggest thing I could dig and anybody could do to save people's lives I'm not so just help people three mental health issues is the lesson about sequence in my mouth for a reason and so between the age may in nineteen the sent over four thousand funerals so I would consider myself an expert on grieving and death I am moving forward about three death threats seven three broken jaws to over the game itself and I've identified the young forcing you all pressed you your words when and many years ago was now each way okay and so a lot of variance in my life and every single explains I abroad I don't say that was a plus seven was a learning K. that could be taken from it I'm thinking of my experiences from a very young age I was able to and won the strategy is consistent with in my life which is now coming to I am now as a mental health and well being consoles and waking the likes the football association in Manchester I working wrestling condemn isn't just out in the sun life basically why are not fascinated so I see some of the stuff you mentioned there wasn't some of the summary that you gave me when we previously spoken so much the god that you did that because it's given me a bit of an insight into some of the questions actually was preemption to ask you on the show so five years old you've almost become an official grief counselor now you just said it yourself that isn't really considered normal especially as we're kind of in that stage were very my double the car just finding out who we are I want to ask you a little bit but not then so do you feel that has had a negative impact on your life growing up in terms of how you've handled it what do you think that you are better equipped for the investor no I got don't see negativity that's all because I didn't know dot wasn't normal no that was my life and so you just go through life specialists of Jim gauge just accessing this is what it is you know kids of a guard out just putting his respect so just saying all is calm of it you know kids are very resilient and we don't give them the credit they deserve and so by you walking into the church I'm yes I remember the very first time I did it I remember clearly the coffin was higher than me I was calling government and all citizens not and then it was a quite intimidating you know the five year old I am for it was you know is currently building you know when you've got a hundred and twenty one one thirty people all crying four five six years old as you know all I could day was focused on what I was doing about sign site with the job site with the for the priest that whatever is fed in all of them the bread and the wine our weather is sad the holy communion or whatever it may be and may our number must process in my bonus and you know but with a four month on this I just have to be present and focus on what was then in the now and not with what was happening all that in the future you know so backtracked Cassie any negativity it's all about it you know it's how you is how you shape your experiences and how you react to them absolutely absolutely and I think you also to turn a brilliant point is all we talked about listening not fully enough out you just released a very short episode this week about listening but not so much in terms of the mental health perspective which is what you've touched on and the reason I think that is an important point I just wanna raise a gain but you said is because my mom suffered with chronic depression she still does for the the best part of eight years so up until eight years ago meant to have to be wasn't really it wasn't important from completely honest it wasn't part of my life was a Pontiac on these life as obviously I've started to live with someone are you my best friend who's not going through this stuff obviously became more aware and the more I speak to people with mental health heads above the premise behind the show as well the more I realize is that you've hit the nail on the head that listening is so important sometimes they don't want you to you instantly trying to fix that problem will solve it sometimes it just wanna sound board just for you to hear a man that you want is to actually feel like they might and their opinions matter something must be for that you said that and just in your line of work as well I can imagine how important it is for you to observe doing that as well as Muslim parts and the thing is what people going through depression is very real you know you get a lot of motivation speaking you gotta live people or therapist how often the pace you know I don't want to come here as a ball of therapists pedal faith you know and they give you a little bit to the field it faster I have talked about the private side of things rather than so then I just sighed and we'll give you a little bit to make you feel that that's about let me still list what if what if what if and then also bring these people living in or can't get out as at least to be with this life is a lot more and why there is my top line is my job is to be out of a job you know if I got somebody six months five on three months down the line on the still suffering and I'm doing something clearly wrong you know I'm not giving them the best and the support I could possibly give them I saw by listening you know is one of three things in all three things are prevalent within and depression anxiety not a fait regret off again this line based on my experience lost right by that is you know I see this on a daily basis I thought of it I'm sizes bit based fed weapon what if you know why because long do you know where to go out and everybody lost whatever may be I saw by listening to these people and allowing them to get let go of the package I'm not sure judging them it's got to be without judgment absolutely and by allowing them to be how the space is a space you can find out where the language in the town is fed riven all regret that right now is to begin this issue that sells all somebody sauces motion of physically I think that's how I get to the root cause quickly by listening I had a language had its own I listen to the words of using I don't sideways favorite graphic given this within dive straight into it cost on passing this really really useful to know I think obviously for people listening as well nine one the point desperate so just also is on a one to ask a question I'm not sure if it's actually relate to the profession that you're doing now you mentioned that you had death threats broken Joe was is that because of the line of work you do know is is this going back to your previous chartered when you came up in a rough area and a half and half really and trouble follows me I don't know why okay so far I think what it is I I just Constand justice and I'm not one of these and that can walk away from situations where somebody is being done by and I saw one example was I was working in our reach and projects in the red light district in Manchester I was working one young girl for seeing kilo he was sometimes harrowing shoes in a real estate eyes came as no one wants to Dave I need to die now our support people who want to die I've only ever had one who needed to die and so we what would have about three months trying to get the whole parking arise Irish gay buys me about three most lasers at Dave I wanna make a meal I want to go back in childcare so we arranged to meet the next day to Gary begins this should be for mobile phones and it's that so we can just pick up the phone is a lot of orders get out of it I saw we arranged a meeting the next day she panicked and told him what your plans a date I'm robin like Dolly downs in petrol and then all life so I get I get the calls going I've been spotted shingles body has just job remains is mostly when the size of a safe I am and so I went straight in saying the red light districts can for this pain now this guy was a six foot four black you making out he was huge and I will I will I look back it five or six outside one day you know looking a little bit in this and I and you know one of the day one of best advice I can give anyone is don't make decisions when you're stressed I was extremely stressed out point anyway instead right out me and he left me for that he got me a job and is that a lot of services you back to my steak and I will tell you now I want a job very depressed chin off the lot I tried to kill myself it was half onto the vans while back at it I am a ball I had so much guilt and shame because all I kept on thinking about was why if I were to go out one night she pushed open a life but when I was back in the also by days and does not yield I actually asked the priest I am when I was eight years old and how to live a life no regret it all gets on him with these people saying I wish I want to spend more time with that as an hours were spent more time with him Hey all which is about the argument and the presets miss its image to make peace with the decisions they still alive no regrets I made these re dozens immediately but I'm Bob if you were done it with a sound mind but it and even if it wasn't a sound mind occasion extremely stressed on groups high on whatever then you wasn't a place on mind in order to be able to regret if that makes sense because on happened I sell for about three months I was in depression pockets and trying to find the positive captain John's final engagement and it was so difficult but then I realized control controls about time we could not logistically got Hallam I'd like to spend one night it was impossible I was amazed at how quickly the relief comes upon you when you start seeing the pasta sauce in the landing gear and what you could control them we can't control I'm gonna start thinking about and you know what she was going through at the last moment in their life I don to me nobody CAD hi there was only fifty he watched as shown any signs of carrots in their life I'm not gave me a sense of empowerment when I thought you know what I'm doing good you know what and she was dying at least she would have really realize that there's always one person cannot support life on the line to help I'm not coming through you know I don't give myself and feeling the guilt and shame also for giving the painful why did the big gap ball just to disassociate out pay not he wants to make the case as a result of his actions and tried to kill myself or went to depression I and you know nobody should have that power I had given him I'm not so mad good three for moms of run allies and we never single day until it felt natural I am ultimately you know the pain was taken away once I gave some regret fanfic given this in the three if you can get and that along your life will be so content and stress free I can show you Dave that's up to the amazing give you resonated with me there on so many points I mean I've got a numerous amount of things I want to talk about I think first as we say it's very odd mobile in terms of what you did you know you did everything that you could to try to try and help that poor Gail so I'm very very glad that you managed to forgive yourself afterwards I'm just on the forgiveness side in terms of what the pimp did and you said you forgave someone the reason that resonates with me is because I was a soldier left for that as well and it was it was a crossroads in my life and I probably didn't go to the same extent of depression obviously my circumstance was slightly different but one of the things I would say is that when I forgave that pace and and I disassociated that paid more my life became so much better I I was able to find beauty in stuff again I met my wife I I'm things despite changing for me massively and forgiveness I don't know if this is a male thing I don't know if it's just because I'm a stubborn passing growing up and it's just my character it was difficult there was there was ego attached to it doesn't wash off to give somebody else and is what you just said they had power over me and the moment I kind of I actually it roll it out myself and finally to fight you sent on Facebook because I knew the person was and I wrote a message saying I must be forgiving you for me not not yourself because I I'm not even sure if that person remembers it first always to if that yeah if the categories below that I need to do this for me and when I did that according spend it was almost like instant dot I had this relief over me so I I think this view from I'm so glad that you've done that but it just shows I mean you she said trouble follows you initially I was thinking what is Dave up to on his case but I to be what you are trying to do is that you just try and save and I get you I get that feeling of injustice when you fill that especially I think when somebody else who's the more helpless than yourself is in this situation getting taken advantage of I think another thing I just want listens to really take home from it other than the three important things that day stresses control the controllable was yeah and if I may do a quick segue then I want to speak about the stuff that you told me prior to coming on the show which is obviously what we haven't touched on but I think a game is definitely going to add some value to Alice this so if it's alright with you Dave just in terms of some of the health complications because there was a pivotal point when you made a choice and it's not choice I really want to kind of delve into and what this this to kind of take a lesson from the from me yes so other what we're talking about here is the C. functions and other health I am so years ago a spy game breathless and make up the point where I can even by the bike down hill without being out of breath I'm and I went to see the doctor is in the got the same cost my no you haven't yes how many got a boy I never actually got back Klaas about so we lose not strange and we've got that class of dogs and the doctor actually can there are protests do we really know allow us man we did the COPD test which I'm never smoking a lives on it wasn't anything that never would rust vessels and I lock for what he did get a build out awesome and so they said yeah you got something going on we along so well since it along to someone someone someone console and said yeah you got out of time as far as you sent by one costly and now it sucks out the eight percent by one class A. IRA got paralyzed die from well they don't believe the standalone so sexual and mountain religious then and the knowledge that all the tests tomorrow said yeah you've got Iran Iraq from all your own disease Sargon from last night yes it's a box the moms come must match the Harmonia owns these anyway so I was on day six times a day and plus Martina was I was like a zombie it was horrendous I was moments in every day and most ineffective headaches we've got such a you know I can do the basic things like going to flow in the children play jigsaws I think also point why apple only hearing of the moment is no no no when the bodies are asking the simple basic docked things play football or may do this do not I have all the people of Bob let's say no you know and so a long time sampling insight and how the topless Raquel Altamira Hache bottom side effects now through my experiences well you know what I'm I'm quite blocking why I'm very good at taking the emotion now situations now looking at the fox and I thought you know what black and white I would rather be in pain and broke free and be in pain I have a lot of books in the system out and side effects so I said to my wife is a rock coming up on the topless and I came up from overnight I she she was there in the old up room he gonna die you gonna die yeah I said you know what the only person in control of may is may you know I don't mean about why are negative ways for I've got to make the right decision to make my body I when you look at how the body works anyway isn't is a genius to recall we just abuse it you know I know you know there is hope that we can fix so many things and we just feel it right and actually you know do the meditation do the yoga do whatever needs to take as a fuel line so how about ten days of shit hell it was horrible balls in a spot left in the fog closing was coming I could stop walking about federal occurs logging on the floor playing the kids I'm once you get a little bit of hope was amazing no big the light is you know you start seeing the future again stop seeing what's happening a soul as I get a bit more of a better quality of life and they're all just because of the free I was honestly and all about eight weeks ago I am my back is been called me a lot of pain and so I went for an MRI and engine I'm all right and they said the August of a spinal canal stenosis which also means I will to power lines at some point now I've just put me back I watched in those couple days I'm not able to walk properly it's been a nightmare I am I saw once okay so and in the seventh year private canceling because the NHS about eighteen weeks and then he somehow manages and I said look awake in mental health did you know cost I just called to say that is I don't want all through her bedside manner when is his worst of anywhere and you may as well talking to dignitas because at least you got nice holiday Swithland I am and for those who don't know what the process is is the place where people go to end the life legally in Switzerland and why is basically saying is because of my lungs and the way the violin capacity is one on your own everything else he said there was a hundred percent chance of death on the operating table so the choice I was now faced with was desktop Rosi's which you know not many people help us all Giles in the life is usually showing up at economic I'm as I'm with Josh and I have a I and my overall overwhelming and emotional about signing wasn't one of mine and stress it was actually graduate and banks eyelash ISIS shook him by the hand of the Jenny when I thank you from the bottom half of the way you've explained it to me and it looks a bit shocking if you use them well if you were to said there was a sixty percent chance of dying on the table but not may well have been going through my mind constantly which were struck by the time away from my kids my stretches time with my kids I wouldn't think about it my way is it worth the risk where is now you said you got homes and John the dying it's taking not this is not my hands now provoke someone I want to focus on which is a plus the things in my life I can still have a relationship when the boys in a wheelchair account of him that you know so that's all I think again there's always something to be grateful fall it's just we don't want to look for it very sorry to hear you consistent house from was there but I just think it's B. for how you or somebody who's been faced with those adverse to all this trouble and stuff and you still see the gratitude side of it and this was at you while I want to speak about the star of the show but you got to answer the question and I think it lies in the hundred percent that the console came back with so when they said you had a hundred percent they took that decision out of your hands and obviously you were left with one choice but even so then I still think you made an incredible choice that I think the list is content value from is that it's very easy to sit and feel sorry for yourself I think why me I don't deserve this the world's after me I'm always trying to be a good person I'm always trying to do good stuff was a calmer this broad just think is be for that the first thing that came in your mind was okay cry shoot what kind of take from this wall the positives from this and this is kind of all want the show to be about we're going to be hit with life you know from different time people had bought cards out to assess and time some ways to know this but it's about one supposed to that we can just draw from this what moment off hoping you system debut for a year on his bike and hope back in that little girl is always let's get the whole back in our eyes as well as individuals this is a question you know you say why many people it's not a question that you can I sell why not me yeah you know what makes me so special why I should get the address Yala stress all whatever you know the end of the day I truly believe we we only given what we can handle via email and I'm very I'm using this as a way of spreading the message out like you know what no my how things get yeah there's a quote by Jim Rohn one moments also I think he's just a genius I am I am one of those quotes and all I'm paraphrasing a little bit below a side and after every recession this growth of the darkest hour blow is symbolized you can't get the glory can't get the really good stuff yeah without going through the doctor's is it possible that we all are stressed now live we can't do anything about but what we can do is how we react to it what we can change our reacts like and I don't see that is not one single person I can give me and an experience our situation where I will not be able to find a possible landing gear from every single aggressively both very expensive often will have a positive on a landing path absolutely I think that's a brilliant analogy in general is obviously one of my mentors as well as you were saying that was almost thinking very quickly let the adversity that I've been through enough though about how much wiser and how much more resilient how much stronger I I'm as a pace and as a result of it and although we in that particular moment you're you're going to wish this never happened but I'm so grateful that my whole perception myself awareness and everything that I've become over the last three or four years I don't think would have ever got that just by reading books or watching you two videos sold out in a way I'm grateful for I suppose in and maybe that's those are the words not because I've heard you say that but I am I know you always say you know why not me but it's very inspiring to his someone like yourself you not your messages to others who share your story out and hopefully change people's perception and the way that they see the road is on because if you can see from the way you see intent of this is look at the beauty from this let's just take a lesson from it them I think will be a much much better place definitely for the six okay now obviously your life and Dave is obviously a lot different to you say ten fifteen years ago of C. with health complications this stuff is all and I you got two young boys as well what's today's life than for you like a typical day several days I'll wake up in a guarantee that me eight year old eighties and Solomon but all laid on the bed next was involved the wife and the son and of the self control and it is extremely caring loving my twelve year old he's got this box here and and is on the autistic spectrum and got some eleven to go is and is now is say Thailand good lately well day now when nobody is looking and but yeah he's just bombed by use of that the first thing people say I am a which gives me the Spanish right away to get open stop doing and is it you know I would be racism drop into the question you know we're only a fine line between depression not the question and and so seen those in the morning and it gives me a strand stretch the Waco best thing to do is I'll just lie in bed and I'll list off in my mind and that will mean changes after the day and also walk I'm grateful fall before he went off and I am a great fan of visualizing and and just understanding now let me out of control of how our day and happens and then I'll go downstairs of breakfast and usually the Bosnian skill and I always say the fast off hours right now it's just meditate and you know I can meditate with boss people talking to me I can just jump into it now and and then I'm ready for the day a lot of the day and the the first question I always ask guaranteed when I stopped into wet mold is you can help that's the first question I always ask yourself why he can help it's not about money is not about fighting you know a lot of my life has been bouncing around in the background now I mean I'm not now I'll set this business of in the last year or so Abbas available in the form of in the background and you know the signs when why who don't realize this I am at all I then think about well actually doing this all thing I'm going to speak in say a hundred people off thousand people which you know even if it's only five percent of the people want to take on board what site basta lot change now so yeah the border and the solving the bass and I I don't have I don't go through life with a plan now and I'm not I'm not a big plus I just say I just take off to anywhere Jim this is I am a tree everybody's equal and respectful I and thank you know good things are tracking go things to me so what is your intentions and what version you know forget about how you get that they also self out devil of that message I think cam is something all I preach quite a bit as well in terms of intent is all and I just absolutely love your intense for the day are you cannot how and I can see that this genuine it's authentic obviously from hearing your box story in terms of see the work that you've done even now it's it's it's a selfish thing it's not like a promotional thing in terms of Hey look at me it's kind of let you guys let me help you move forward in life is on a really really do like that and I think we are in a society in I'm not here to kind of go off on a rant and stuff but there are people he manipulate people quite on social media in terms of trying to even make a ball I said things always almost like tell themselves and if you really grinds my gears it January does because I think I obviously come from a similar situation to yourself a lot of the the work I've done I've always tried to be selfless because I'm Linda from a mobile homes foster care she's adopted kids she was a nice a whole life why then gave a very lucrative job to become a social worker trying to change the world as a sort of a cat realize you quickly I could do that I have brothers and sisters at you from the foster care system you have got waters and special needs so a lot of my life has always been about savings and even this podcast itself is truly is a passion project my sole purpose when I do this episode is kinda just Spock one paces mine today and I've always done the and from the moment I released it irrespective of mild is always in the way of my accent was will be starring Anna being or the long I was I hopefully I can give someone dot of maybe inspiration that if I can do they can do more employees gay people it yourself on to the show to really change their perspective and make them realize actually we need to come by our excuses we need to face off is because that's where that's for the beauty lies in life and I'm sure they respect them for the bad things are going on in your life I'm sure even a much better place especially between your is that in your mind right not having suffered everything that you saw fit and the reason I asked about the routine is always because I'm a firm believer that we all results of the hobbits not before when a daily basis so it's nice to see you obviously how liberating gratitude you've got your kids stay the ship instant inspiration not sure why that gets you out of bed on in the meditation a game that is something that I really need to work on so the fact that you can just going to meditation at any stage I'm assuming it's because you've been practicing it for a long time yeah yeah stop it absolutely absolutely so think of just one particular instance date just for the the laces of when you paid for investigate it could be something that you already mentioned or it could be something completely different but what I want you to do is actually give us one thing that maybe somebody who has a similar predicament or similar scenario where they can say actually I can relate to that yes whatever experience and we go through and a lot of my experience is a lot of people comes afterwards all my life for the past year or so yeah for me for a long way because I don't really think is exciting and ball I think one of the things that have the biggest impact on me and people will so I relate to this war the been threw themselves on the scene on the news is when I was homeless and is a huge story at the moment being homeless and then I was sixteen on time when I was done on the house and my first night we spend ninety nine to this wall so what does he once he is running with all those years ago and I and my first night was spent in a very small great been shot full of cobwebs side there is but one dollar range run this on the clock and I was thrown out by and the reason why I was blown out is because I am I wanted to be a volunteer I wanted to sell the chalk at club and also went broke I am done once been a gallon he wants to escape self and the club address and I don't want to stay in self in the bay of address and as always was a log heads and we didn't see eye to eye in just three now the house so for two years more showers living above Rubino squats in cemeteries Simon pop and she is but during this time and I was all the dog inside the thought you know what why the plane going bottom down south saying sorry out in a gallon when it's a yes the knocking about shock at about one assault you know and one thing I always advocate is delayed I just yourself no no my you comes out of your life goes out you live as usual a lot a selling point as well as a lot of depression happens a lot mental health issues because you're not living it yourself you live in the store with other people and making out I am and so I was quite adamant that I wanted to get a shock at club morning because we have no internet no phones I got Dave that'll get signposted surveys jocks all counseling while yeah I just went to my plan I saw knocking on doors asking for money for the shock at club I and I one point I was in the same clothes I've been in about three months I was seriously on the white and I was still going on the doors and the receipt about two and a half thousand knows a lot of rejection because why would anybody gave a sixteen year old money is quickly close you know some money for his jock at gold is for drugs clearly now that's what I was thinking and so I met this guy yeah the council and said you know I want it's going to I watch yes games and now I really want to get a shock at global warming I and he helped me with that a business plan to go back to these offices to show them the business plan and see where and get the money I wouldn't twenty five knocks about twenty five yes isn't enough money to get a job at a club morning which is incredible join up out of the nose you know and then there's a great picture that we see on the internet somebody dig in this year's splice so my Dick in was a minute walking away another friend is apart goals I am is I always believe is out the darkest hour his generals and out the darkest hour anything you know what about people just get a bit more he's not this way the excitement is about when is when you want to give all I'm just a you know watch Lamar knocks one more email one more call us when a locked in when you are the lowest because just testing you see what you really want to and all I so I got this job that global warming and the plastic he's always the council and they run into the ground with a mostly closed now I can enjoy the controls I was emotionally spent on this point I was drained it was gone and I was in hospital as well on its own and was known under white magician why you want to call it I am at bottle everything all my energy into getting the shock a clock now what I learned from not a is you know see three to the very end now if you've got someone of your passion about see three other very and and if you don't as much as you can and you can no more just make peace it is not gonna really made in semi better you know I mean Paul I recognized by gone as far as the court I can't control the people's behavior you know and that behavior was I want money from their offices to regenerate itself but to put money into the council offices not to sell jog or clubs no I did exactly what I need to do I just I made I am my dream trade I am but what Bob was allowed me now is is give me an experience I can fall back on so every time I'm doing a project I make choices available when I pass all over I do my due diligence to make sure all bought you know about products developed developer Larry and get a scapegoat develops at some point may soon now I'm just making sure everything is in place so when I walk away it's gonna be that in five years time you know but without like Spain's we're doing the same mistake again and again and again and again you know Paul I didn't have and two years was a I was on the street on the sale of the book of data squawks other than almost hospitals you know I'm a mess Billy a silent people you know I'm I like the net almost as Lois offered I'm not block mage was the next number by the federal daily I and I was looking down on them and think you know your skull I'm my first thought was you know what this is my classmates call calmly these are my people I'm in this position so that ball is only fat I get to know them I respect I understand how the docks where they are as I used to ask questions to them and say you know I've just said that listens to them and some of the address alike the difference being as I could cope doctors say how could solve the problem analyze it naturally leave me through it which is why they got was not situation of armed robbery and anyway long story Shaw I've got a job and may never in a telemarketer place and I hated it with a passion also two days that made one single sale because I didn't make I am a single phone call I hated it I and I got socks and I went back in and there's a lot going on Monday when the wages on as a way not game thank you note delays and stock prices big argument honest I'm gonna see this place called a small man and when say it's for the money which is locked out a few weeks later I got knocked on the door and it was solved is the ID on I was arrested crossing the plate I slash identically smoke so I was placing seven and a half years in prison and I don't have a clue how or why this is happened by the demo tape the doctor I'll let you know I know I live by and miss all the pretty much depend on me foremost lasers answering bail and the Saudi offices that don't even play you can go as a volunteer but more than not and several somebody's actually own up to it so much contrast it turned out the the drug dealer there was a living wage I had not been arrested and Josh with it down into the police station on is what's where I can access only substrate going down they did date I think you're fast seven years now the reason why I say that story is because you've got some accounts so he with that to safeguard the children's future on that strangely round one interested yeah you get the proceeds come on the air the armed robbers look dealer because I treated them respects because I listen to them because I don't to start well they had a story when they need it save the actual the looked a lot when in and confessed and got some yes free on my behalf you know so lost just shows and from that point on I talk a lot in the connection speak in a subtle about pre judging in business just treat everybody respects organised on the everybody's got a story your son is being that it's just yet the golf story the gonna solve issue that we not been able to watch the results themselves problem some slack give them respect say I'm here for you if you want to talk about it if not just walk away by Alicia tried don't reactionary supports about negative it's a treat everybody with respect equally and it will come back to have holes in the future a currency that's yes this is a Dave I understand entirely now what people are saying that life is so boring compared to yours because it's such an incredible story I just them I get a bit emotional when I just see let people do really good things for people like do this office act so that act there from the seat scum of the earth is just absolutely it's it's a beautiful lesson it's a lesson for us all to obviously take on board and again you've you said the right words that we need to call people slack when somebody maybe approaches in the wrong way or that might be having a bad day but if you could just or treat each other with kindness and respect I think the will just be in such a bad place but there's another brit lesson to gain that you touched on it I want people to take home is persistence two thousand five hundred knows now there's a lot of us including myself don't even wanna get rejected once and I think we have to get used to you know where is my perceptions change or not not for example I am in property so the amount of rejection from stages is incredible and I will say not every time again no it's okay but now one step closer to that yes again it's just it's just a note saying I say to myself and not kind of destroys me on to go forward so I think not gain is an incredible less and and on that note we aren't you going to go into a part of the show which is a very random policial I'm not sure you'll even aware of this but what I do that is just for about sixty to ninety seconds just a bit of lighthearted fun just to kind of give the listeners I love it more about you just a bit more of a flavor because obviously sometimes the stories can be quite dog so this is just gonna be a bit of lighthearted fun so are you ready I'm ready okay fantastic so we're gonna stop in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be hate crime Muncie on Monday night many night good choice your favorite hobby read it your biggest role model my sons what would you like to be remembered for the cat your biggest goal this year S. speaking in New York your worst mistake not me the wife early enough if you could relive one day again which they would it be well I didn't die the ability to fly or be invisible invisible the number one thing that annoys you not by males money or fame now that you're proudest moment John cat global movement your favorite food that isn't ships what song best describes your life Elvis Presley walk a mile in my shoes if you had an extra hour day how would you spend it on the bodies Netflix the jeep Eugene your number one piece of advice to your children yes self our favorite motivational speaker calyces I'm finally if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour he would it be but one that mom side love that make so how did you find out hot hot again the beautiful thing with this is obviously people can take as long as I want really to answer the questions and all the sudden caught the dead space so it makes you actually look like a must the mind intense anger I answered straight away okay we're almost at the end is shown I Dave so I'm a fan believe the hindsight is a wonderful thing and upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to where we are quick cash easy at Willis heartache but I'm sure you'll agree that obviously the Janie teach to so much as well so knowing exactly what you know now if you could take yourself back to younger Dave and whispers something in that person's yeah what would you say I would go but it's the first night being homeless find out west in the they all went south they all went sour is yeah everything's very reason evidence rallies on alphaworks out just a sense of hope yeah it's just people get you know I don't know people get bogged down in how how how to get to a place house the this you know if we just relaxed and just trusted Argo and did what we felt was right mmhm then it will never send you in a long path yeah hi my name is and your address pop and you know not very nice pa every single one when I look back and I do mean all of me speaking now I want to die was a look back every single aspect of my life and it's been like therapy I and I look back a sliding doors moment some water you know what I'm I'm not change anything I think you stories incredible not enough I think we've all got a story to be honest yeah we can order back in the console cut the moments is sometimes it is just about actually acknowledging it and not does suddenly bring us on a key to the last question and the last question I always ask one of my guess is about legacy so if in a hundred fifty years time science house to save us and all that exists is a book and this book is about you Dave and it's not all the way in a wonderful incredible things that you've done in life you know the life that you've touched firstly what with the title of the book B. and secondly what with the summer at the back tell us about your side of the ball I don't know and hopeless almost zero I love that yeah Linda and the Blair probably say something light it had an impact some more lives than actually name and it was okay without involved yeah yeah I think that's brilliant I'm Dave just before we close the show will give the list as a chance love to connect with you via social media channels is there anything that you wish I had asked you today no no it this court is court yes towards pretty much everything okay fantastic well if there is obviously anything people come to connect with you I would definitely order my list is to connect with Dave after the show Dave where is the best place people can reach out and send you a DM life playground Islington and which is Dave happens speaker you can get me on Facebook as well David half men and bought my Facebook page is not talked about moment except Paul manages an online okay fantastic I what we'll do is always to get day anti links and open the show or not so just to make it easier for everyone they let you have to click it I want to thank Dave for sherry he story seventies vulnerabilities and shown his wisdom fun today show and also wanna thank everyone at home thanks for listening thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
How to be liked more by listening better #33 by Aren DeuTagline: "If you want to be considered interesting, become interested!"So listening is a skill that many of us probably believe we already have. I mean after all, for the fortunate number of us who have our hearing we have used our ears all of our life. From hearing people talk to us, to dancing around to our favourite songs our ears have brought us a lot of joy. In fact, music alone is something that instantly can change my mood, and as I write this summary I have thought of point number 6.Now points 1-5 are in the actual episode, but number 6 which has randomly cropped up between my ears is this: Think about how you listen to your favourite songs. Think about how much attention you give to the lyrics, words and cadence of the song. It's usually not too long before you actually know the words off by heart and end up doing your own covers, right? Now imagine if you could give that much attention when listening to other people. Do you truly do that? Or do you switch of mid conversation? Do you try to interrupt them half-way through? I mean, I've yet to listen to a song and interject my artists by saying "i just don't agree with that line".Now in case this sounds like an extremely random example, I assure you it will make more sense when you listen to the very short episode giving 5 tips on how to become a better listener. To truly become a great listener, we have to see it as a skill that takes effort and practice. It is very similar to speaking. Yes we can speak and shout and sing, but how good are we truly?Key talking points in this episode:Things not to do when someone is talkingHow you should react when someone is talkingWhy you should do the above, to build better more meaningful relationshipsWhen to solve problems and when to just be a soundboard for the person.I sincerely hope this episode provides you genuine value. It is a simple skill, we so often overlook. We are a result of our habits, and if some of you out there find it difficult for people to engage with you, trust you, or even talk more openly to you. Then you may need to assess how you listen. Take a real long look at yourself. Self assessment is key to growth and on this journey we all want to become better and reach our potential. We all want to find our voice and write our own story, but we all want to be heard too. So let's work on our listening and level up.P.s. Remember this episode applies to all walks of life. So try it at work, with your friends, family or even in public when a stranger crosses your path.Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhSLinks to me:Website: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6y
"Never alone" by Kathy Courtney #32Tagline: "We all more powerful and stronger than we believe and capable of healing from so much more than we think"Sexual abuse, failed businesses, seeing ghosts and so much more has been a part of this amazing women's life. Yet above all these words all I found and saw was true strength. I see a lady who has overcome so much, but shows us all that we are so much, that we are all so strong and capable.We often get into comparisons in life about who struggles the most, but when you hear someone who has been a victim of childhood sexual abuse, only to then still not have an easy ride throughout life but remain radiant, positive and wish a mission to serve others, you can only sit back and smile in admiration.I am so grateful for Kathy sharing her story, showing her vulnerabilities, showcasing her courage and also letting us into her world. Intuitive energy healing is now something she helps so many other people with, as it was the key driver behind helping her overcome her childhood memories. A lady who is on the journey to finding her voice and gaining confidence in spreading her message and one I feel will definitely leave her mark in such a great way.Some key discussion points:Sexual abuse is not your faultUnderstanding supernatural giftsOvercoming business failureRealising your true purpose and passionUnderstanding how strong we truly areSupport the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhSLinks to me:Website: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6yLinks to Kathy:Instagram: https://instagram.com/kathycourtney7?igshid=1l85l6voewk99Website: https://www.kathycourtney.net Pippa transcript:welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode a fine your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today Kathy and Kathy story is one that told me so much in such a short space of time in fact I wish I met her a yeah because what Kathy told me and I'm sure as you listen to this episode it's going to teach you to is that we have so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for I mean how many times have you been to something I think it is going to break you to find that said she made you or if it has a major in that circumstance is definitely made you more resilient more stronger so it's kind of what I want you guys to walk away after this episode is to try and maybe step outside your comfort zone and embrace that fear and take on that little bit of pain maybe for some future gain because I promise you when you head Kathy you see that she's such a more beautiful place right now I have suffered all this incredible amount of adversity from the sexual abuse to losing business is so much more you're going to realize that the human will it's strong it's so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for so I am delighted to have hi there on the show I am extremely grateful that she opened up with have under bill ease and she opened up with this story which is something that I think of the city's more exposure in the road it's something that I wish one day be quit completely see the end of but sadly if we don't what I do want people to do is know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel so without further ado people thank you once again for treating it and I hope you enjoy this episode let's get over to it I want to welcome to the show Cathy thank you for taking time out of your day to come on and share your story how you doing today I'm doing amazing thank you for having exciting I'm happy to be here bless you thank ya I'm extremely happy to have you on the show as well so I was always just a leading to a yeah there's so many elements of your story that that I could relate to but there were also some stuff in terms of the emotional trauma that you experience as a child there's a lot of grief there there's a lot of stuff that we just spoke about very briefly prior to star in this episode that you realized five my life wasn't as normal as you have so it wasn't yeah so I think it be a great place if record if you could stop by maybe give the listeners a little bit more about yourself if you could kind of open up and tell us as much as you feel comfortable with your story okay yeah perfect and so I am the oldest of four children and that those parents were in the home and my dad worked to my mom was a stay at home mom and an eight a one to start with my dad because I see the ad and learned a lot from him my dad %HESITATION contracted polio when he was a very young baby so he was handicap his entire lice on it so I really felt that my first lessons in %HESITATION being compassionate and really being resilient and strong came from hen and watch seen how he dealt with %HESITATION adversity and his life because %HESITATION you know having a parent that wasn't able to walk slowly and eventually in a wheelchair and you know he made sure that we did all the normal things that kids do you you know took us to the beach sand tickets to you you know I'm use net parks and now being a parent myself and those things are hard just for you know up at appearance but but it but now realizing %HESITATION with the disability that he had you know why %HESITATION those things are so difficult and he never complains on he never held back from anything so really I think those were the first lessons that I learned where from him %HESITATION and then there there are two parts to my childhood that really led me ops you kind of the work that I do now which is the reiki healing and also %HESITATION I am a medium so I do you know mediumship readings and I my first memories %HESITATION being a child's where that as being sexually molested at a very early age by my paternal grandfather %HESITATION and dotted use lasted for an extended period of time %HESITATION between six and seven years and %HESITATION also during that time I was starting to experience %HESITATION what what most people would when baby label as supernatural sort of experiences and and by that I mean I would see shadows which now I understand and spirits %HESITATION I would see shadows as animals and people and and the way my mom kinda described it sees that there was always something trying to get my attention so I would be let's have a deep cleaning my room and you know little things that happened things would come off the wall where I would feel a presence in my room and and then there were lots of things that I knew that there was no way of me possibly knowing friend stands I would say %HESITATION the phone was ringing and so once I was calling and my mom would say well the phone's not even ringing and then a minute or two later the phone would ring with the exact same person that that I would say would call and I also had %HESITATION an out of body experience when I was about six I think I was six or seven years old and I might grandparents lives sort of in a in a open kind of country field and they had thrown some sort of poison out for that for the rodents I think and %HESITATION being a little kid just kind of curious %HESITATION I happen to eat the apple is and so fast you know started bleeding internally and you know rest the hospital all that kind of thing and I clearly remember leaving my body and you know I could see the nurses and doctors and all this work being done on my body and so those were memories that I had that I never I didn't understand what was happening at the time and I think a lot of it I did explain to my mom and you know she has seen what kind it is say well let's pray about it or if you would say let's got insert search %HESITATION something like that and then those experiences to students start happening and so she had to move a couple of times because you know she thought well maybe the house was Hines said order and and those those type of things on and so you know that happened throughout my my tile tied on and then when I was about twelve or thirteen my grandmother passed away and %HESITATION I remember she came out of sort of a bathroom stall and you know there there's a mere right in front of me and she appears to me in that mere %HESITATION so those are all things that where we're really %HESITATION you know I wasn't scared of those things you know you're not scared until someone tells you that you need to be scared and exits are wasted it was just a normal thing for me and I thought well does this happen everywhere I just really had no idea yeah at that time %HESITATION and so you know so being you know sexually molested interviews at the time and and that's going on you know it was definitely not what you would say your normal tight why yeah I think I'm gonna have to agree with you that because we were speaking I was trying to say obviously the premise of this show is to let people know that not always alone in in their adversity that they're suffering be you've definitely touched on some stuff that it's almost like a combination of extremes are suppose I've got so many questions I mean is if I may so firstly I just wanna say your dad sounds absolutely incredible and I think he's amazing the fact that I think especially that generation as well with the just the just get on with stuff and and I really love that and I think you almost had like a fish row seat at seeing how to deal with adversity and how to displace life's challenges which probably makes you so strong and empower you know when I can hear yourself now you're in such a great place where is it so easy to probably be in a completely different place haven't been through what you've been through so %HESITATION I think props to yourself and obviously to your father for that then obviously we move on to the more I suppose sensitive subject my way you were sexually molested and yes I'd be doing a disservice as opposed to the lessons and also to myself and if a game please if if this is making you feel comfortable you haven't you don't have to run so but I just want to ask how that affected you when did it stop affecting you in your life or is it still something that you deal with today and it's definitely not something that I deal with today and it's something that it took me a long time to work through and that eight but I have found a place of peace with its %HESITATION you know tearing does a year is I I I guess because of the other situations that were going on in my life I became very good at disassociating myself with the abuse and my emotion around it on and it wasn't until later so I was you know %HESITATION eleven or twelve years old when you know most kids are going through those changes where you know you're you're not a child that you're awesome not a teenager and and so you know I definitely went through a lot of it and just completely hating myself you know south heat and the prior question and stealing %HESITATION so isolated in those feelings and I'm just a lot of different emotions you know but mostly it was the south heat I completely hated myself now I didn't like the way I looked and I didn't like the way I felt and I didn't like my late tonight I didn't like anything about me and so that you know that I can say that that's how it affected me and then and around I think it was around eleven when I was really going to the changes %HESITATION might I started experiencing like a real physical keen in my body it was intense pain I'm I literally like I would say I stopped walking because my body was in so much pain and my mom you know my mom took me to the doctors they couldn't find anything really medically wrong with my body I'm and now looking back I knew and because of the work I do now I know I know that it is that it was that energy of that trauma that was stuck in my body and the energy of not being heard and not being able to speak up for myself that I was experiencing a real physical pain %HESITATION and it ended up that the doc they thought maybe it was index and they thought it was something you know with you know my female I guess organs and I I had a surgery had surgery because they did not know what to do with me they didn't know what is wrong with me on and so now looking back I think that's totally crazy that you know it went that far but at the time and I don't think that I was able to verbalize you know what happens to the extent that it happens %HESITATION I felt that a lot of that was covered at my extended family and I eat I literally didn't know what to do and now I know like I said I just think it was the pain of that trauma that my body was experiencing why am and just on the as you were saying that there was %HESITATION there was a quote that I listen to your car remember exactly where it came from but it says to heal the wound you must feel of wind and really resonated with me so not in the respect that I've been through what you've been to but I had been physically a so it to the point that I was almost left for dead a long time ago it's a story for another day and somewhat of a vote to shed but for me to be able to really have overcome that and went through the process of forgiveness and really trying to go back into that moment running kind of just plastering over and pretend it never happened it was only then my lifestyle to really change so would you say that was highly of the seat I know you're into you you do healing therapy now is off is that how you find your way of really moving on I suppose from the trauma you experienced and then releasing yourself and I no longer hopefully experiencing physical pain yeah eight it was a combination of things on I think after that experience with the surgery and jazz really you know I've always been very into it as %HESITATION and I've always been very in tune with my cells %HESITATION even though sometimes I didn't have the words to express what I was feeling I didn't feel like I have the support on I knew that that my life wasn't always going to be that way you know I knew that even as a young child and %HESITATION you know I would turn on it with read and so it seems like I've always been into like self help and self healing even at a very young age %HESITATION that there were lots of little incidents after that you know I I found myself in that piece of near it first marriage in which I quickly got out of that %HESITATION and then I went on to start a business with my current husband his amazing and supportive and I love him and %HESITATION things are going well with that and then a recession hit %HESITATION unfortunately and so we we pretty much lost it all and see now all the money and all the hard work that we had to put in sweats and so I also had it needs a new baby at the time and then you know go in trying to trying to rebuild from that %HESITATION and then I find out that my dad on has a terminal illness called pulmonary fibrosis and he was given six months to live so you know it's like a one thing happens and then you know now I am I'm caring for my newborn and and then I find out I'm going to have another child and then navigating through caring for my children and for my dad you know and and walking him through the process of his journey into his transition because you know he he only has six months to live at that point %HESITATION and so you know that was a beautiful gift but it was it was a difficult guest as well just just seen him go through that and then %HESITATION you know but I I did make a promise to him because we had we had all this ad tying Ted to talk about all the really important things and on my child's head in his childhood and and just a really understanding of each other and %HESITATION you know he made me promise that after his his transition I would get censored if there be I would seek out help I would seek out since ready healing and because not only was I going to have to heal from my childhood just that the fact hearing from from losing him because he he does quite literally my best friends so I went on to you know I I I need a promise to him and I was gonna sell sell that promise so I did seek out a couple of therapists and it was you know talk therapy and I I really didn't feel %HESITATION that I was making much progress and so someone mentioned %HESITATION EMDR so %HESITATION I don't know the specifics of how it %HESITATION that I did a couple of sessions with that and it was amazing %HESITATION and then one of my best friends who she's been on this journey with me sensor might style tent I'm she sat and at the time I was really into meditation I got into meditation and started really %HESITATION implementing a spiritual practice of my own and so she said Hey I heard about this healing circle it's a meditation circle I think you would really really really enjoy it and so I decided to go and that was my first experience with energy healing I had an energy healing session there and it was such a release I he asked out so much come out of my body I had this experience where I sell to my dad and in the presence of that room %HESITATION I saw him I heard him I was able to talk to him it was the most amazing experience and I left there and thinking what was that you know what is that I have to learn more about this and and so that's how I found my my first my first mentor and with that Brady Ricky healing this incredible yeah I was it was amazing just on that then so you know how you're having these experiences and I know you went on when you had the poisoning you run the in your life and obviously with your dad is that something that you're in control of or is it something that you can maybe manifesto is it just completely random when it happens I mean now it doesn't happen as often %HESITATION but it's something I can control within myself you know I'm not walking around is leaving my body that's good to know no and I'm just on everything else that you see you said that was going to say how inspiring it is because I always find when somebody goes through so much trauma so much adversity but they only see the gift from it and have a completely different perspective like yourself we said you so blessed to have all these gifts yet you've gone through so much stuff almost that you have to sit back and think how does one person cope with so much adversity so you extremely inspiring with that and I wanna ask what's your secret for continually rising each time you're not down with something and I think so I don't know that I had a cigarette I do have a spiritual practice that I uphold too and I am constantly working on mice cells %HESITATION that they think it's just really reflecting on and my dad you know I mean we I do this in in in his honor really I do this for my children I do this for other people at cyber Cup myself so that I can work on others because I want people to know that no matter what you go to in right now %HESITATION there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and and you're gonna make it through that's hard absolutely and I'm I'm extremely glad that you kept your promise to dining you you did seek the help because you're now in a position of the way you can help so many more people which is which is fantastic so good on you and then the MDR defeat sounds interesting to gain I think we spoke about this offline and this is our really kind of for a selfish reason just got fascinated by your story because I've always been interested in the whole heating in the spirituality side I think the only difference to me and you is it Faisal my grandma are in the mirror out will things fun of the war I would absolutely crap myself I would be running out of the house in anything so %HESITATION again you touched on a very good point though because I was gonna ask you the question is you only become scared of things in life when people tell you that you may be sure to society says that and then also if I was a kid I mean thinking about now I lived in my aunties has pretty much all the time I was always around with my cousins and I'm sure there was some men where things happening in the house but it felt home to me where is not %HESITATION I'm a grown man on the left they ease and if I have to go and stay there by myself on the not a problem he turned it down %HESITATION from inside some round so hopefully she's not listening to get offended but isn't it isn't it funny how the how the world works but I just think it is a beautiful gift I have been told in the game correct me if I'm wrong that be your have this ability to soft top into this kind of is it that audio this intrusion not with another high level %HESITATION yes I believe we all have we I have that ability to tune in to to spirit to the divine %HESITATION to our guides week we all have that ability I think sometimes you know we do go through different different things in life where we're not taught that we are able to do that I think that might be a disservice to lots of children you know because children don't question things they they're not afraid of things you know it it was very natural and normal for me and to have those connections %HESITATION and sometimes you know the way you know different people have you know sort of religious beliefs or that that conditioning of the way they've been raised %HESITATION wherever they are in the world and so sometimes you know that'll start kind of diminishing does start a connections because then we think what is Israel is this wrong %HESITATION should I be afraid you know but I think you know even with my own children %HESITATION my son is extremely empathic %HESITATION my daughter she also is very connected as a matter of fact %HESITATION after my father transition and ours was about three or four she started connecting with him she would see him and speak to him and %HESITATION she would tell me what he would say and then all those those memories and my childhood I'm I'm having this connection started coming back because I thought this is exactly what I thought when I was her needs %HESITATION yes so yeah all children we all do now we I have we all have the ability to connect with our loved ones %HESITATION have transitions and yeah I definitely believe that I think you hit the nail on the head that children are predicting that the fact that they remain curious and the Phyllis so I kind of wish Buell kept up a summer long life through Janie whether it's his old teachers or family we kind of really you stop and we start to be become afraid of things that maybe we shouldn't necessarily be afraid of them stop becoming curious because you're kind of pigeon holed ourselves into little pocket so surprised and it's a shame but I'm just I'm not then I just wanna ask something I'm playing devil's advocate here some people will probably think that the stuff that you and I believe in is a little bit ferry Talysh or something that doesn't exist for example so if we accept that there are people with their own beliefs which is absolutely fine but they've experienced the symbol of control missed yourself on the sexual abuse for example what would you recommend for somebody dealing with that pain at all they're all tentative is other than the whole spiritual healing is there anything that you could recommend perhaps again that the might not be in on some just asking as you can now looking back you know and there there's so many different healing modalities and there's so many different ways to go about healing you know energy healing as is only one of those things see now and %HESITATION I would say just find something that resonates with you whether that rare some people will feel very connected to to going to church and to praying %HESITATION meditation meditation was a huge %HESITATION practice for me that helped me on EMDR is is is something that you can go to a therapist for %HESITATION you know had no therapy there's so many different avenues %HESITATION and with the energy healing our rate your whatever it is that you choose to do %HESITATION that can really be a compliment to to lots of other things that you know it doesn't have to be one right of one modality you can pick and choose and and kind of find something that works for you but you know if I can say one thing on that %HESITATION I would say you know to stress the importance of of whatever type of healing that you signs whatever resonates with you that how important that is because and you know just I'm working on my cells and working on others %HESITATION I calm now now looking back I have learned that I come from a long line sort of abuse on both sides of the family and sexual abuse and and physical abuse and incest at an ancestral line but you know when you decide to step forward and and you'll those those things in in your %HESITATION in your life you're not only healing yourselves but you're healing your ancestral line and you're also healing for your children you know so that they don't have to carry that forward in their DNA and they don't have to go through the same things he went through so that's to me that's amazing and every time I see that and someone and I'm just so happy and excited for them because it it'll stop with you you know once you seek out that healing and that's an amazing thing to think I yeah absolutely because because it becomes a purpose be getting yourself which then obscene spies you right absolutely okay so touching on the final thing that I want to ask you which was about your business that you and your husband hadn't invested so much time and energy into which I sadly file during the recession what's the situation now what are you doing right this moment I will now looking back you know at the time you don't you don't kind of makes sense of things are happening %HESITATION but now looking back I don't think it was my journey it wasn't my past and so it didn't work out and I would have been tied to something that I did not live at the time I thought that this was money this is my passion I I was a hairdresser and so I did here and make up and %HESITATION %HESITATION I did a lot of weddings and so I opened up a bridal shop because that's a lot to weddings I'd love to be around happy time in people's lives and %HESITATION but now looking back on that was never really might have you know that was never really my journey %HESITATION in so how to have the business I wouldn't be doing what what I'm doing now I would have been able to spend that lasts six months with my dad definitely not because you know business of course as you know takes up so much time and energy and money and worry and stress so after after you know pretty much losing at all I mean we had it well that was that was a difficult time but on so my husband continue to work what you know he never he never quit his job %HESITATION and so I went on to just be leave work on healing my cells and I like I said I took training and what I do now which is freaky healing and and shortly after you know I really went into it because I was the one that needed the healing I never thought that I was going to use this to help other people right I definitely didn't think this was going to be what you call a business or anything of that sort %HESITATION diet I started really experiencing all those things I had experiencing experienced as a child so a lot of the mediums abilities came back and I noticed that every time I was you know practicing or working on someone %HESITATION I was connecting to someone on the other side %HESITATION and so that that led me and so what I do now mailing this incredible and I just want to pick up on a point that you said that you never went into it for yourself initially and you can never realized on the CD the wider impact I suppose you could have done and the funny thing is is a little bit about myself so ins I II has literally been my shadow for the majority of my life and when I started this podcast find your voice and when I first I do need about public speaking in just just trying to get out there and I joined Toastmasters and stuff a lot of it was just solely for myself it was to grow and right it was the kind of overcome the fears and I was going through this growth mindset thing thinking I'm not going to accept that in this very short amount of time I'm just going to be much like it for the rest of my life so I kind of threw myself out there and face my face but on the back end of that I realize the inspiration that is given to the people's all all will get her very run a message once in awhile from somebody saying every time you post even though you might for me for like a very mundane post because I pretty much do the same stuff every day it's saying you inspire me every day how you always just the high side your compass own and then I realize even in this podcast the power that we have in terms of one sharing I've learned abilities but then to try to overcome so that not really resonated with me because now I almost feel like the podcast especially is it's become a passion I'm just developed such an interest in a one of kind of mass three I want to become the best in the work I really want to spread messages like yourself and all them other fantastic guest out there in the votes of you'll don't shy away from our affairs and we just did she lived that charge %HESITATION being how children are like we spoke about earlier and just buffet listing curious about life yes I love that that's amazing I think you're amazing thank you blabla see that's your amazing and I just wanna ask actually just fun now knowing where you are you've come to find I believe your passion I yeah what's your daily routine like that so I pretty much do the same thing every day I get up pretty early I start my day by meditating so that something I don't ever deviate from I meditate %HESITATION and then I will journal a journal every morning and S. I'm reading a book which I tend to always read I'll read a couple of pizzas and then %HESITATION now this is a kind of kind of changes sometimes I go from going to the gym and sometimes and right now my habit is just I really like being outdoors so I start my day by either a walk or jog which really turns into kind of a shop full and I been listening to podcasts every single morning on my box so I need to do that and then I'll come back and work out and then I'm ready for my day %HESITATION but that's every single morning every single morning I did not this brilliant and within that you can see straight away there's a lot of self care and a lot of self love that goes into that so you kind of want any G. enormous revitalizing yourself before you kind of talk with the day which is right which is fantastic yeah and %HESITATION have you got any other hobbies other than what you do outside have you wreck and so I mean I love to read I have to spend time with family and friends I home school my children so that it pretty much takes up a lot and then you know of course in my clients and %HESITATION I don't know that their hobbies but there are things that I enjoyed doing and just being with my children really right now and and spending time with my husband excellent and I just wanna ask another question if I may Sir I have so many questions because a fascinating how you trying to spread your message in your because I believe you have a incredible story I believe you you can always help people in so many ways have you got like a you tube channel is not something in the part time or are you thinking about increasing Instagram I am thinking about open yeah so my Instagram spin %HESITATION I ate so this is kind of been a journey for me and it's it's it's been private for a very long time because %HESITATION met so where where I live and I think in general and there's been a lot of sort of back last when I started to take open up into more mediumship readings and %HESITATION to really do that some people are very strongly against not on so that was a little concerned when the fact that I do have children I didn't want that to affect them in any way %HESITATION but we've had we've had lots of moments are we talked about this and you know there's always going to be somebody that doesn't believe in what you do and doesn't like you so mostly right now all my workers just been word of mouth on there's a local magazine I've been fortunate enough here to write for eight and a couple interviews for that magazine %HESITATION and and I have my website and so that's basically but really it's just being out %HESITATION in my area a lot of clients sending more clients and say that it's been amazing but yeah thank goodness yeah I am going to start working on some more things %HESITATION I tend to procrastinate a little bit in that area out which I am I am working on that my husband gets a little irritated with me but yes I am opening up more and more slowly absolutely I gain is this approach this isn't it I mean our member initially so I come from a very academic background again I was always a shy kid yeah I would be doing the most random stuff in terms of our discredit you tube channel or I would just stop doing videos and it was almost read because people would say are you really that sorry but what they didn't see was that it would take me five hours to release a two minute you to video because on a on a three hundred the tents for and then the beautiful thing the allied with the channel was not I could manipulate it so much and cried with the is an all as an almost made myself if it and then somewhere along magenta realize actually that's not really the perception I want to be given a in fact let's just where my floors and we must because that you say guys this is kinda how I am I'm still working on it so I think definitely get you some case off I don't think instagrams a burning platform and I've spoken to a couple of them ladies you about you coming apart castle just offline actually and they have Instagram TV where they'll just do like minute videos or a couple of minutes video the day or maybe a week again oversee depends in you punch Cup but it really does give great value and slowly you can start to see the people who are engaged with the menu almost crate a community because as with myself I could say one messages somebody next %HESITATION could say the same message but the audience might resonate with them more than me or vice versa that makes sense I think yeah that makes perfect sense yeah and I think you're definitely get your orders and I just as you said something earlier I just want it was it was a call from Eric Thomas is a motivational speaker he says there's a group of people that need you more than you need to listen to the negative comments I love that I loved as a because in your back your mind you're worried about what these negative comments going to say but we really have to get people like yourself out there because like he says is a group of people that you need you I need this message so a ride takes on one of the truly I mean a tree down on a quite a hobby and I have a certain number of calls today and always just look at and it just kind of keeps me focused on my journey because if I listen to naysayers of people saying why are you doing this or don't you find it where that you'll try to put yourself on the Indians and almost kind of change and feel like it's my G. to kind of shape people's stories like I get to sit with you not for now and I learned so much from your adversity from you we stem from the way that you say I think that is an injustice if I don't share that with the road thank you for sharing that with me I love that yes yeah and that's something I've I've been I've been trying to work for a while now and again I think it kind of goes back to raise a child and you know I I I I receive a lot of negative comments and even now as an adult now %HESITATION I have tried to reach out to different areas %HESITATION and people have not been so nice that there which I totally understand and I'm fine with it but %HESITATION I I'm definitely working on that right you know we're out kind of a work in progress exactly exactly nobody has it figured out rule kind of just figuring it out as we go along yes it is about just finding your network because well I realize was again just on a quick tangent when I started my you tube channel my initial frustration was because my friends and family wasn't supporting it and then what I'm what I'm very quickly realize was that was not my audience that I needed to say yes that is such an amazing point yeah it is the only kit like eighteen months down the line so I know this resentment and all this kind of frustration and the prime into really realized hold and iron that's not who you need to be said doing so then I changed my focus and even I with this podcast my news feeds and the people in truck with a completely different to myself say twelve months ago because I need to be in a community where there are people who need healing there are people who just need the inspirational motivational somebody's contract vested not card trying to connect the dots if that makes sense and just make their life a little bit easier so yeah it's interesting I'm looking forward to your journey and hopefully you see a lot more fun to untested the next question as you probably know is going to be about investing on %HESITATION we've kind of touched on that very briefly at the beginning so by all means choose any type of investor that you've been through a lot that can be business for lady can be passed on or whatever okay but the main thing I want to know from this is just the lessons that you learned from it and what you can then take from that situation and move forward with a loud and I I think you know I've learned a lot through through the things I've gone through and I I think the main thing is that humans in general are so much stronger than I think we're even led to believe that we can take our stories on the trauma and the good points and all those things and just really use that to help other people and to let them know that they won't get through it as well %HESITATION but really I think it's just wow people are so strong and we don't even realize that what we're going through three those situations but how amazing we are your amazing and I think when people listen to this story people are gonna realize why we're even stronger so it's one thing thinking was strong and let me go straight face TV almost come out the other side and it's like that saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but when you have somebody else and this is why I love stories like yourself he's been through so much more and more and then so come out the other side and just has this radiant energy of just love and no resentment or any sort of a %HESITATION feeling it is very funny just shows your wives even more street that we can tap into thank yell and in this moment then why not what's your biggest fear %HESITATION something happening to my children and something happening to them and so I I do tend to be a little over protective with my children which I'm also working on that is that the home schooling as well no not so much no not so much the home schooling it's just I'm you know I'm very aware and people that are around my children at all times and %HESITATION yeah I am I am I am worried about something happening to my children I don't want them to have to go through the same thing that I that I experienced on so I would say that would be my biggest fear and that's very understandable thank you and next before we go into the from pie the show where I'm gonna put you through your paces I just want to ask for help %HESITATION in this moment is you'll inspiration you why for what you do what you do my children my children especially I wanted to see my my daughter because I want them to know that they can constantly reinvent themselves they they don't have to know all the answers you know by the time they're eighteen or nineteen at %HESITATION you know I want them to see that now I think all these different things I've done all these different things and I am still working on it so just do what makes you happy %HESITATION you know speak your truth I want them to know that so that's why I'm constantly and I am working on that because I want my daughter to you and my son of course but to speak your truth %HESITATION said they they are my why they are my inspiration for sure love this it should be for message and I think in a society where we're almost hypnotized with this poll of trying to fit in in trying to walk a set way trying to vice saying things and I'm just conform to I suppose what to site once she's very difficult to be ourselves right it would be beautiful to see more people really just trying to really embrace who who they are Hey at each stage of your life you know you don't you don't have to have all the answers yeah absolutely I'm still trying to figure one answer right that's correct but yeah we'll get that and so we are actually not what the form part of the show and this is kind of the show the pa the show sorry where I would just ask you the most random questions for sixty to ninety seconds we're gonna start in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the road what would it be %HESITATION crimes against children your favorite hobby reading your biggest role model my cat what would you like to be remembered for my your biggest goal this year to get out in a %HESITATION some heartfelt snacks and new people and and just really connect with others your west mistake my first marriage no if you could relive one day again what they would it be any day with my dad the ability to fly or be visible fly the number one thing that annoys you liars money or fame many your proudest moment giving birth to my children your favorite food would you rather speak more languages we'll be able to speak to animals I feel like I can speak to animals so I mean if you go with all languages if you had an extra hour day how would you spend any time with my children sixty two your favorite TV show ever I merely lab and I still really laugh the old classics like my legs on show I love those because they would you rather know how you would die or when you were done house and finally what is one question that you wish I had asked you covered at all and does this is amazing well bless you so that was nice and the next question when asked just before we move on to the final question is about reflection and the call I'm a firm believer that hindsight is a wonderful thing because obviously upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to places quicker easy how would less heartache what I want to know is if you could go about knowing everything that you know not too young and healthy maybe during your early years between the ages of eight to ten %HESITATION whatever agent was and you can just whisper something in the air knowing exactly what you know now what would it be %HESITATION I think in regards to the abuse that I suffered I would say it's not your fault this isn't your fault none of this is your fault %HESITATION that would be huge and did you believe it was your full at that at that particular time I thought I did something wrong definitely I thought I thought it was something I did wrong and I and I believe that for a long time you know so yeah I would definitely say that thanks for sharing if I may just ask on that was it was it difficult for you to come out and let your family know about it I mean how did the how did that let's change the fuck on %HESITATION so that was a totally different you know that's a whole story in itself but I'm like I mentioned my best friend who invited me to the meditation circle we were friends in middle school so I think by this time I'm eleven or twelve years old I don't know but I was just going to such a difficult time and like I said I was in so much physical pain %HESITATION that I opened up to her and I mean she was you know another child basically and and so she went to the school counselor and so the school counselor called me in and then called me parents and and so that's how it came now but by this time it was already you know seven years and but there was a lot of threats being named by this person so I was afraid yeah I was trying to ruin the family I was afraid I was going to get hurt to think he was going to hurt my appearance on I was afraid of not being believes %HESITATION and then at some point you know do you it's so common that in a way you accept it which is a strange concept but it just becomes your life and you don't know any difference at that point so excited even out I don't think that that you know at the earlier stages I didn't know was an option to to to speak out about and say Hey this is happening and this is %HESITATION county what should we do right I I literally had no idea and because it was so it was so common and it happened so many times that it just became my life who's thank you for sharing the thing yeah and just finally then so this is actually the last question I always love trust my guess and it's about let okay so if in a hundred fifty years time signs vows to save his soul and all that exists is a book and this book has everything that you've done in your life for the weight and wonderful things firstly what with the title of the book be and second what the Blair but the back tell us about coffee I think I would want the titled Sabine never alone and and I think I'd want it to really express that you know I was a compassionate he's sick kinds of person %HESITATION but I think I would want it soon you need expressed the fact is that I would want others to know that we all have this in our guidance and this and make healing power with an S. on that even you know in those darkest moments when we feel alone that we are able to tap into that in tune into that and that we are definitely more powerful than we hi to believe %HESITATION but I'd really want people to know that %HESITATION that they have this amazing ability inside them they will be much more courageous if we knew how strong we could truly be so that's right absolutely and Kathy suddenly dies obviously the end of that the questions but I want to give this I want to give you an opportunity and we get to guess an opportunity to obviously connect is also what's the best place that the list is can reach out to you and so I have a website it's Kathy Courtney dot net and I am on Instagram Kathy Courtney seven %HESITATION but definitely there my website if someone had any questions or you've definitely reach me on their phone testing and also to the website that I mentioned anyway I actually read your story and he and he was fascinated I'm so glad that I did read that story I did reach out pain because here I am myself too I mean this is been absolute pleasure energy as everyone listening to follow Kathy again if you go on even now with Instagram page we are following you %HESITATION you'll messages even in your captions and stuff is always in a message there but our I'm looking forward to you really coming out of your shower metes Stein T. share your life because this this conversation has been really enlightening for me I really do appreciate you sharing your vulnerabilities as well also thank you for taking time out of your day today and I want to also thank the leases well thank you for listening thank you so much I really appreciate you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
"Follow your heart" by Lara Waldman #31Tagline: "Trust in yourself, trust in your heart & trust your inner knowing."An abundance activator, a manifestation expert, a healer and author, Lara Waldman speaks of the importance of slowing down. Knowing that we never truly arrive at our destination and having suffered with trauma growing up due to her mother leaving, she has had to learn about balancing her spiritual, mental, emotional and physical well-being.Lara explains the areas in our lives that we may struggle in and need to acknowledge. She also speaks about finding the purpose of our pain and seeing this as a gift. She explains the importance of understanding your mind and ego and finding the real true goals you need to achieve to become more successful.Some key discussion points:The importance of meditationFinding balance spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physicallyFinding the gift in the purpose of our painUnderstanding true prioritiesAchieving true successSupport the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhSLinks to me:Website: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6yLinks to Lara:Instagram: https://instagram.com/larawaldmanofficial?igshid=4w8xra325wgdWebsite: https://larawaldman.com/about-2/ YouTube: https://youtu.be/p9JRdXTiE_4Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abundanceactivatorPippa Transcript:welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of fine your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show today I am delighted to be up to bring to you Lara Waldman he is a well known and but does activate now in case anyone is familiar with those times it would all be explained in this episode he's been a coach now for many years she's been here for fifteen years she's a or that she's a manifestation express this lady's fascinate but more importantly she gives us tangible takeaways in this episode that we can really start to take away a start to change our lives today now this also became a bit of a counseling session for myself right now a lot of areas in my life that's still needed growth is still needed me to really work on myself but again I'm here to show my oven abilities with yourselves this is Jenny this is about finding my own voice is about writing my own story and hopefully it helps you guys do the same he says some incredible things about how we call an escape past selves she also spoke of the importance of having a balance between you emotional spiritual and physical self and then she touched on something that I think we can all resonate with which is that we never truly arrive so we have all these goals will these designs of we will be happy when when is when do we ever truly arrive at the destination the chances are not because of this as you start to grow when you go through this process you can always change of visions your priorities and everything kind of either evolves grows %HESITATION sometimes it could even supposed diminish so it was a fascinating conversation she somebody who loves to talk and have deep meaningful conversations I love a lot myself we had a fascinating conversation is somebody I'm gonna be keeping in touch with offline as well I encourage or too far ahead Jenny on Instagram and also join us over on the Instagram page as well it is growing knack nicely and I do like to try and engage in order of our listeners and one of our guests so guys but not for the reduced let's get this interview on the way okay fantastic I'd like to start by welcoming lar to the show today and thanking him for taking time out of a day in sharing her story with the soldiers are how you doing today Hey it's really great to connect with you I actually love talking not really here today fantastic what talking is definitely a good stop because that's what we're gonna do a hopefully for the next hour and I want to know a little bit more about yourself Lara and I want to know a lot about your story and I'm sure the audience do as well so if you wouldn't mind could you kind of give us a bit about yourself your summary of what kind of I suppose brings you to where you are today well it's a sort of a long story I'm sorry I was born and raised in Vancouver Canada I now live in London England %HESITATION I had we had a really amazing upbringing on the outside everything looks perfect we wouldn't were sailing in the summer as skiing in Whistler and winters we had %HESITATION this what looked like really kind of perfect happy family and in some ways on the physical level everything was great but turns out things weren't so great underneath that %HESITATION when I was twelve my my god mother my mom's best friend committed suicide and this put a bomb into our family it basically expose everything that had been hit in our deny age covered up on the emotional level within our family unit so this really took my mom into a very very difficult and dark place and she ended up leaving when I was fourteen there was a lot of emotional on rest so we went from this kind of what seem obvious I was a child right but seems to picture perfect %HESITATION situation to it went went very dark and then it just it seems like everything just goes dark in my memory and my parents it was but I had to sell our home and there is a lot of %HESITATION unrest there's a lot of traumatic experiences in that time and I went into a really tough girl kind of big front I don't care self destruction am I really gently thought and care %HESITATION super strong but I'm also very armors and %HESITATION when I was but I think sixteen seventeen I was just exhausted all the time in which the doctor she said I think you have depression and I was like what I didn't think I'd depression number getting on the scales and I weighed way more than I'd ever waited always very slim person and this is a start then of my eating disorders so I basically just starve myself an exercise like crazy and and really within a very dark place of self hate and trying to be something or becomes something that I wasn't this went on for a long time but %HESITATION I would then went to university excesses were everyone did in my in my community went there route just felt really done everyone was partying and and I was just right down to the rowing team and I was up at five in the morning just like in the gym in the afternoon just focus focus push myself really hard but really low in retrospect and I don't know exactly the moment this happened but suddenly %HESITATION I think I went to this meditation classes had never tried my life it's kind of weird I didn't really understand it the RIAA ways %HESITATION this vision or this feeling came in to me and I had this vision where I saw myself speaking to an international audience as being interviewed and I was speaking about the fact that we as human beings we have the power to consciously create our life we are way more powerful than we realize and I don't know where this came from because this is not what I was really thinking about %HESITATION speaking about at the time it just came as decision so all I thought oh my gosh I'm so screen actress that is my purpose so I quit university and I followed I went to like to study lots acting as working in restaurants and a study as much as I could and then I got this next inspiration was to go to London England and go to theater school %HESITATION and be trained as a theatre actor so I I flew up over to London ended my relationship just following this sort of what I would call now my intuition of my inner guidance system but I didn't really know that's what it was time and it took me to to consider school to come to London and and my plan was to go to two years Sears school and then come back to Vancouver and start my very successful acting career but life different plans for me so I %HESITATION after you're being in England which is very again it was quite dark time it was quite I was very lonely and it was I was working really hard working full time studying full time but it was challenging time I then met my now husband I am twenty two at a time this guy was super peaceful super calm I was real love at first sight kind of experience and %HESITATION he meditated he meditated twice a day how god statistician bring so I have this sense that I needs to to meditate but I had really huge resistance to wonder forced myself I hated it the screen to my chair but I made myself sit for twenty minutes and I for some reason just knew I had to keep going at it so I sat with it and then after not very long when I saw it long enough eventually I would have these amazing feelings of peace and that I guess got me hooked wow that is amazing feeling and then not long after that something very strange happened to me where I was at my eyes closed and then out of nowhere I in my mind's eye I saw in front of my %HESITATION if front of me and I heard the sun flashing lights you are a healer and I heard in my ears as well and I it was I just remember collapsing on the bed and fled to tears and sobbed and sobbed because I knew I was going to be an actress in that moment and I knew that my whole life is about to change and I was so upset I was devastated are you said a remember saying okay universe I don't know what this is but you bring it to me I'm not looking for I was super pissed and very soon I stuff across the ceiling course and then I will I remember going on this course it was again I think I was really tapped into this inner guidance but I didn't really know if that's what it was but it was leading before something was pushing me for what I meant that first course the healing course and I just knew that this is my future and then I started to discover all of the stuff I've been struggling with physically had been struggling with health problems emotionally I've been struggling I just felt I had all the time also in my body and realize that there was a whole other world that I don't understand which is kind of emotional aspect in that entered energies as well all this drama I've been through I had no idea how much it affected me and then I really start this journey of healing and releasing on an emotional level in our minds level and my body and my I really start to heal this this physical health problems I've been experiencing emotional imbalances really started to shift and it was incredible and then I just I've been on that path for over twenty for twenty years now %HESITATION but but fast forward I ended up %HESITATION getting pregnant as twenty six which was a surprise but I again I knew this this was the right thing and I I have two beautiful daughters now and what happened was is then I I'd have to sort of big vision right is big vision to help the world speak to the world and then at this point my life I was stuck at home with two little kids which I love being a mom but we had no money we are really broke and I felt really for stocking frustrated really limited and then I started to %HESITATION in meditation is when I meditate I %HESITATION I developed or start to understand that I was getting messages I was getting what I call inner guidance or call channeling depending what you want to call and I started getting these messages but I had never occurred to me to to ask what money before so I started asking questions about money before that I've been working our health and healing emotional balance I was also you know really fashion is what happened to my mom like why did everything go so bad and so dark and so I really was super fascinated in the unconscious %HESITATION and how our unconscious self effects are current reality but I had never looked at money so then I started on this really big journey around understanding about money in my relationship with money and what is going on with that and what I realize is I'd actually because I grew up with money but light you know things didn't work you know the people weren't happy and so I rejected it I rejected that whole scene I rejected kind of the physical world you know of of like physical %HESITATION I guess physical successor physical objects because I saw that that wasn't really making people happy and then I was going into the heart and the soul and Kirk Hanson this is what makes people happy we can't be happy if we're not happy on the inside right but then this whole next for chapter of my life is about finding the balance between the spiritual emotional mental and physical but how we can how we can thrive and feel good in all areas of our lives because what I learned is if we're like I was at that point very spiritually rich in a mostly rich and I had all this powerful information on this kind of energy level but because but don't have any money meant we're really limited in the physical world also equally people can be very wealthy they can have physical money and wealth and physical things but be completely bankrupts emotionally spiritually and we're not happy unless we have some kind of balance in all areas of our life so now my thing is right ugh we create a life of abundance all in all areas of our lives because if one part of the system is broken if you're not gonna feel good you're not gonna feel a sense of success in the film and purpose so we're so there are quite a lot of areas that we need to take care of but this is what was so my work now is about really living abundance how can we live I create a life of true abundance which includes all areas of life we don't have to reject anything we don't have to reject money reject Leviton project health we can include all of this why are that sprint now what an incredible journey live so that resonated with me on on quite Hugh Scott let's see because office so you know how you you said you mentioned during situation %HESITATION with the address of the actress feeling you lot that's it what to do yeah not not so much in terms of dot now would you be an active rock I've had those moments in my life but I've never really understood him and sometimes a lot ha ha I just convince myself that's why should be doing but recently for some reason something keeps telling me I need to meditate now I look at my body and all I look after my health I try to I try to find bodies into the physical mental emotional and spiritual aspects of a of my life because I believe you need some sort of balance and I'm I'm glad that you touched on that as well but meditation is a something not the minute I'm not sure why I'm not doing it but I just thought it just kind of switch is me often think it I don't have to call a lot I'm so busy I like three jobs a day and all of it seven days a week of the tour really have time to you to meditate and it's funny because I was I think was watching Jay show he's he's he's fat is fascinating because it speaks about with them and I think he went on this most junior he mentions that if you had an extra hour day he'd meditate and I find it really ought but then also there's obviously some beauty it and you just mentioned it not so I went on we just ask you on that and maybe this is more of a kind of selfish personal question but I hope they listen the home you don't meditate might take some value from it could you recommend something for say somebody like myself he you kind of I suppose pushes out or their way one the importance of meditation %HESITATION you said you had this car euphoric feeling avoid when you went for it but what stuck the face that sought is is easy just slapping on a you tube video and then maybe spend ten fifteen minutes doing that is is a good start over have you got any of this or practices that you could recommend yes so everyone's a little bit different %HESITATION I've you know coaches for lots of people in in trying to create some sort of practice where you want to stop and go within now the first thing I want to say this is great in terms of preventive medicine because stopping meditating will help to lower your stress levels lower anxieties so it's really really good on lots and lots of levels but some people really struck like myself I really struck I really had to force myself to stop so what I would say is one of the reasons why I find it's hard to stop is because we don't want to feel we don't want to feel ourselves we're not taught the value of being we're not taught the value of being in the present moment and we want to avoid the present only because status we'll have to feel our pain and we don't want to feel it but equally when we sit long enough that pain will transform it will shift and you'll start having feelings of peace of euphoria of connection it's a feeling of coming home and it's absolutely beautiful and I think once you start having that experience enough you get addicted to you start feeling good just like working out going to the gym first you know it's off when you have an exercise in the first %HESITATION pulling yourself out there but once you get into a rhythm you get addicted to it and then that it's not such hard work exactly the same what I would say is %HESITATION everyone's a little bit different I recommend starting with five minutes a day five minutes there than no minutes even two minutes is better than no minutes it's really as simple as sitting sitting in a way that's comfortable for you trying to have good posture is responsible and breathing I'm just focusing on your breath breathing in everything out within about two seconds your mind will start wondering you want to come back in this keep coming back to press connect the breath what what what happens is it gives your mind and your body a chance to filter out and process all the information triggers emotions that happened in your day or maybe your week and when you send it in your mind and your body needs time to filter through a process all of the information so it can take sometimes up to twenty minutes to find feelings of peace if you're really triggered emotionally upset it could take half an hour but five minutes is better than no minutes you'll feel a little bit calmer yeah if you just sit and breathe is so simple and is actually free but there's lots of I have I have some guided healing meditations on you too %HESITATION there's lots of %HESITATION the guided meditation sometimes book it helps you to listen to something but you can also do walking meditation so you can go out in nature and just you know listen to anything this breed bring bring yourself in the moment some people find it hard to sit still you could move you could do kind of like dancing sort of meditation you can bring it's just %HESITATION bring yourself into the present moment okay and and again there's lots and lots of benefits to it on on motional mental and physical level as well that's really interesting so one of the things I have done and thank you for sharing all of that is start to read a lot about solitude in just trying to be by myself %HESITATION and always you Steve I suppose struggle to you and maybe this is pop minds ought you to be alone so even go to a shopping center by myself or sitting in a coffee shop on myself and always fit I need to somebody else that someone I am going to the card have Ginni of just being okay by myself and I was very fortunate to have just travel to Miami with the wife and the full hour day started and we went on ventures are always wake up an hour early and I just go for a walk on occasion you put music on and just being in that moment I suppose it's easier when your out of your apartment so right now I'm sitting on hold where are where can where I live but just being in a completely different environment I did fail more peaceful so I can definitely for the thing is I know you're right I know how I know there's an advantage from it because the same with exercise always say fuck about let the feeling not like after doing exercise and send it in the shops no it's %HESITATION it's almost at the best I'm too depressed in the road so it's something that I you definitely H. anyone listening to yes this will start to minutes SO star five minutes I'll try and be accountable myself or try to post this the more the pages on this I think it is something that we will need to do and just on that if I may ask them to do you believe I'm paid above devil's advocate here don't be kinda chief violence in old areas talking physical mental emotional and spiritual or is there going to be and that's that would be maybe to accept that so maybe is going to be maybe more in June than the others good question this is my work in progress every day so I believe that %HESITATION balance isn't isn't a solid fix thing it's a constantly moving things like the weather at like the tides %HESITATION like like nature it's moving and flowing all the time the balance is there isn't one one flat line of balance bar this is again why for me this meditation is is great foundation because we need to be really listening and tuning in and being connected to our life so if there is an area where you're struggling or there is an area that is difficult it's like the universe our life is screaming at you saying this needs your attention so this is what I call the purpose of your pain is that the pain or pain in our struggle or sign post something needs our attention so it's there's always going to be challenged there's always going to be things that stretch you or challenge you bought what I like to do is if we can use those challenges consciously what we discover is there's gold in the pain there's gold in there but the it the pick the pain or the challenge or the difficulty is showing that there's something is out of balance so we we need it's it's it's work it's hard work it's not like it's not easy and anyone who you know I'm I'm I'm married I've got kids that run a business you know got a dog home there is there is lots of areas of life that need our attention so it is a false and time job but what I find is if we're listening and we're slowing and were surrendering to the moment as well getting out of the ego getting at the mine there is a flow there is a place of flow there is a current dot is was going to help you to feel in flown in harmony with your life so and I called that balance but it's she got that current is changing all the time so we have to be listening we have to be tuning in and what I've realized is that %HESITATION life is here to support us but we have to work with it which means we have to slow down enough to listen to pay attention and so it's it's not an easy it's not straight for answer but it it's a practice and I've been developing this over the last twenty years and I'm still like a constant student with all of this as well as being a teacher this and so it is is is is is just like anything whether it's like exercise or gardening or I'm keeping your house tidy it needs are constant tension nothing that makes perfect sense and I suppose once we %HESITATION in myself included going not Janie of really trying to listen to bean not mobile like you said surrender surrendering I think it definitely help low so thankful that you mention it is hard work because sometimes seven those expectations I mean all I do this from a physical standpoint in my past %HESITATION trying to cram where people want a very quick fix now where site or its not okay how many jobs in six minutes let your not many ads in six minutes and you could you could let you sit there for twenty four hours into crunches or not you're not gonna get ABS because it's so many of the faucets to health and fitness in order to get your body fat low in it in order that stuff so yeah one of the first things I would say went but I used to with the clients more on a one to one basis was before we start I need a hundred percent commitment of it not every day's gonna be great not every day is going to be how you think it's going to be but you have to put in the work so yes I suppose it probably he's just the element of myself so my subconscious the pointed often thinking this is going to be another thing to do and I'm not suppose I'm guilty of thinking it's a waste of time so I I feel like I'm in this part of my life where I need to achieve all these goals I'm neglecting probably one of the most important things like myself and I really need to maybe sit back a little bit so thank you for that you're welcome and it the thing that you search realizes whatever you're doing whatever your goals whatever you're creating you are at the center of it you are the center point of all of everything your experiences and actually when we slow down we realize a lot of the stuff that we think we're supposed to be doing this %HESITATION much mental noise there's so many distractions and actually when after I don't start my day I don't start anything until I am aligned and connected because what I realized as soon as I drop in and on my whole yeah all that on my to do list I can see if scrap barn all that stuff I thought I had to do all the pressure from the mind you know a lot of it is just noise and when we drop in and we can get really clear what is the most important thing what's going to really transform my life where my where are my true priorities because the mind in the ego can create mountains out of mole hills I'm so this kind of practice let's just call it is stopping calming down a little bit is it it it puts everything into perspective it actually makes you more successful so all I see is a is a is a foundation to success if that helps motivate you absolutely absolutely you're gonna see my on what to do some video just for kind of Billy I will let you take the advice on board so thank you for that and just actually on being aligned to connected like you just mentioned there what is your daily routine like that well that I sometimes see people saw how I live my life they'd probably be laughing at me I ice I spend a lot of time doing self care now so what happened for me was I was a super like Dr driver I was I worked out really hard I push myself really hard I was like go go go really fiery focus determine what started happening to me I'm in my early twenties with every time I went to exercise those really big and health and fitness I would get stargazer sick and it was so frustrating for I cannot tell you and that's all also the time I started meditating base my whole body was that you have to slow right down this whole pushing forcing thing is not working for you so I really learned this the hard way I I thought this whole thing kicking and screaming so this is what what I'm gonna tell you that I do now is like a twenty year like honing practice because that having babies at how does that slowed me down the holes all of life taught me how to slow right down and what I started to learn was actually the more I took care of myself the more I was in kind of slow in harmony with my body the more successes start experiencing but it's what I call true success you know not like like really this experience of feeling abandoned so I %HESITATION well now my girls are a little bit older but first as you know getting up the kids and stuff I %HESITATION walk my dog so get out in nature %HESITATION being out in nature is really really important to me I live in London so it's even more important get out in nature somewhere as a bomb in the park %HESITATION I move my body so movement and that can look in all sorts of ways but right at the moment it's walking I might do a little stretching %HESITATION I goose also in in and out phases of things like I've done a lot of yoga in the past %HESITATION sometimes go for a run with my dog but it's basically about moving the body getting the bug blood pumping and stretching so getting comfortable and food in my physical body I will come home and %HESITATION I tend to meditate in some form or another %HESITATION generous sitting sometimes I'd lie on the floor in just three days and I'm waiting for looking for this moment where I feel balance nor should alignment so if my mind is in rushing in thinking if I'm not feeling good which are I sometimes don't wake up feeling good I'm doing my prices and I till I feel that click of alignment balance and that kind of off the area is this feeling of being back in myself and my center so I spent the morning I'm finding that place of alignment moving really is essential for me and then breathing meditating %HESITATION I journal sometimes %HESITATION so %HESITATION and basically what I'm looking for that place is connecting brought to our what I call my higher self my inner guidance system which is this place that that yes feeling inside of me %HESITATION in so some to an obviously every day is a little bit different some days I have more time than others but I I create my diary my schedule so that I have a good chunk of time in the morning to do that then I get on with my day and you know having been a wonderful experience connecting with amazing people if we're doing now and then at some point in the afternoon I might notice that my energy might drop again so when I start to feel tired or stressed or overwhelmed out of flow I know that I need to stop so I will you if you were walking to my husband if I'm lying on the floor %HESITATION and I or I line the something I lie down and I read it again until I find the alignment and sometimes my boys is that you know what this is you just need to stop this idea of like Monday to Friday nine to fiver for me is not in harmony with my body and so I have burst of energy and when I have a drop in energy I know okay I need to stop if I if I'm able to so I tried to design my day and my schedule around my energy peaks and my energy tips so I I plan on my creative stuff and all that kind of action I need to live with his writing or the interviews work with clients on more my energy peak and then I'll try and clear my diary for when I have my drops on a walk my dog again Socorro nature again because he does the walking twice a day but I also I need walking towards the day so I'll get back in into sun harmony I'm I'm also in connection is really really important to me as well so every day you'll find me having some kind of deep conversation with somebody who anyone who talk to me about %HESITATION yeah I'd like to have really deep honest authentic but share conversations and that can be about the hard stuff and the wonderful staff I'll be doing that every day as well because that fuels me energizes me and I try and eat really well so I I again without think judging are hard on myself I try and really listen to my body what is a want to eat what is it want to drink and trying to really listen and %HESITATION and put things into my body also nursed nourish me so as you can see this sort of a few different angles that I come from if I don't do that I don't feel good so for me I'm highly sensitive I realized I didn't know if it was super tough president care I am highly since I actually I think human beings are all highly sensitive we've just shut down disconnected so I've learned that I have to say I want to feel good and honest thrives and when I'm doing this practices every day I am in alignment I'm striving to feel good and then my creative energy is awesome okay ideas inspirations it will feed into my business if I'm not doing that I will feel down that I might feel anxious I might feel scared you know and it can take me into dark places so for me I have to do a lot of self care to stay in that space the balance so it is not it's just a thousand happened for me accidentally it's very conscious mindful and requires time absolutely %HESITATION I mean I just love that has so insurance have you all with yourself but I guess that comes on to you the kind of twenty years of experience yes but you've been doing nothing again a lot we to turn it into your wanted not because of so many things to do what I lease we we have all this noise telling us that we have so much to do so so seeing that we don't work with that way I can so I think once we can set the expectation that it is going to take time I don't suppose a bit like if I use the gym analogy self with myself in order for me to you for example increased lightweight sifted or other bit of muscle it would take me generally eighteen months but I've kind of got used to that because I've been doing it for eight nine years now I'm used to the process and I love the process and I I get a good feeling from it so I think as long as I can kind of transform that into this you know send you help and I just wanna touch on you mentioned you were highly sensitive so I can also unfair but my wonder Billy I'm probably one of the most emotional guys you'll probably be this yeah in terms of the fact that my wife calls me wifey well I would actually I mean I could watch expect that somebody goes through and I'm just in case I'm so happy for it and sometimes I don't even know who this person is and I'm just boring on the other side and right sometimes up I feel a bit I used to get embarrassed by a wide wide what I get so emotional or get like a frog in my throat like you know when you when you call me the words and my voice would drop in and one for dole straight away the %HESITATION over sensitive but could I just want to touch on another thing as well I think we're in a space especially on social media where the the grind to the whole so it's kind of like a cool thing to do our E. that's what twenty four hours a day I mean the first thing out of the committee to use you know what seven days a week a trial because many hours a day I don't really have time to stop and I've seen the examples of people doing that and then the TV may be among the tree as successful some financial gain but then the set of a failed exactly yeah and I think this is a really important lesson one not just for myself but for anyone out then I who's almost damaging themselves I in some in terms of that imbalance to just have it covered look back and see what true success is like you touched on it which I thought was view for the way you said that so thank you for that is really liked it and I I would say this and I said it before the start of this episode I feel so fortunate because I have this time with amazing guess let your software I'm just get it not one to one the best coaching the vote so great for me because it is sixty minutes and %HESITATION I really enjoyed hopefully the listeners will gain something from this is awesome thank you are for sharing or not I really do appreciate it US my greatest pleasure and and I and thanks for sharing your vulnerability to because you know men are just as sensitive as women this I you know I just think there's just so much so many lies that we've been souls and we just need to get back in connection with our self and understand how we are in night I didn't realize a sense of I was either I'm highly since it highly emotional %HESITATION and I realize it's a beautiful saying if we can flow with it you know it's when it gets out of balance it can be really destructive and really problematic but it's a gift but it's like learning how to use that gift because if you're really sensitive but not honoring your sensitivity it can be really destructive and that's what I learned and and I to be honest I've learned a lot of the stuff the hard way I'm if I start pushing or trying to create some is not and so it myself other get scarecrow like something that will happen is I think it slam dunked so I've I think dot and again like also I've achieved lots of things and I had all these goals and I thought that's what I wanted and then I got it and I felt empty I thought nothing so that's when I started getting really curious like right what what is actually doing here but we need to be all areas need nurturing but we have to remember like the core of it because this is what I learn also with exercising working out and like push myself to her with health I was like probably the healthiest like person you will ever meet but I wasn't mentally healthy so it was like no matter what I achieved was never good enough is never enough never enough and it's like feeding this hungry ghost and so what I started to realize is we have to get to the core of who we are so that whatever we're doing is gonna bring true fulfillment and that sometimes means you know slowing down because what whatever we think we want isn't necessarily what we truly want it might be a next step will not talk but it's often something deeper so as long as we're bringing in that death whatever we do will be nurturing but affirmed in for not really bringing in that kind of deeper part of ourselves nothing we do is going to bring a strip of film is just get next next next like an addict so this is why it's so important and then we can really thrive and we can really enjoy life because I think what's the point what's the point of being here for not enjoying this experience absolutely absurd I I I think I said the same thing in in a post this morning I was not even those fortunate huge live the longest life is still very short for them and we really need to put that into perspective a maybe I mean one of the purposes of the show is always like to talk about phase two which is what we're going to next because it's it's an adverse T. where I suppose if I cook for a few weeks but we think okay life is short let me let me thank all the people who have helped me let me show love to those close to me and it may just be great for the moment but then all of a sudden two three weeks pass and then you kind of back into the rat race and you'll get to routine you forget everything so I am very blessed because this part because as almost made me be grateful six six days a week was before grad she was never part of my daily routine so say the center helps me so yeah this fantastic point and if we do move over to the best of it and you spoke briefly about deep connection a conversation let's talk about the hard stuff if you wouldn't mind let's let's get you renewed shows refueled eyes you stay if I'd like to know a time of just a time when you face grade fifty and more importantly how you persevere through and the less is that it for you if you could share that with myself and this is I think a big great value so obviously life I you know I'm one forty one now so I've had lots of you know knocks and challenges of little mini ones but I feel I feel the core thing maybe this is maybe is getting too deep I don't know but the core thing for me this run through everything was what I would say with the trauma from my childhood and that no matter what I've done his name like I can't you can't escape yourself so what I realize a lot of my goals in my dreams when I've been pushing towards is actually been in a way to trying to skate this trauma trying to skate this pain and I realize that there's no escaping ourselves so in a way what what I realize is that all of my goals an element of trying to expand beyond you know trying to two almost to create a New World for myself and every time I try to kind of grown expands and I felt like I kept running slammed back down again and again and again and what I realize is because I had to get right down to the deep core of myself my trauma my pain and go in and transform it from like the inside out in order to truly like to truly expand into a desire I'm so it's not one thing it's many many things but there is this fundamental core wound within myself which came you know you know and and lesser it's not her fault but cut comes from this relationship with my mom and because of you know her pain and trauma both my parents again trauma which almost everyone does what human being has an experience pain trauma what I call ancestral trauma trauma that gets passed down from generation to generation to generation and so what I experienced was this feeling of like because of my parents trauma I didn't feel loved I didn't feel like who I was was it knowledge or values out a good enough so I felt bad I felt like I'm a bad person something about me is bad something about me is disgusting something about me as a wrong and I've been on this kind of missions trying grow out of this feeling feeling bad a not good enough and I didn't know that that's what was running me consciously when I was younger but now I can see that's what it was and it wasn't because you know my parents did anything wrong it's just that because of their stuff they couldn't really give me the kind of love and support and nurturing that I needed so I felt kind of abandoned neglected emotionally speaking spiritually speaking and it's so so the only time I fell all right was one of the cheating in sport because I was really good at sport and then I'd get could us then I'd get maybe comfort I I I yes so it was so I feel for me like this journey last twenty years has been about really finally learning how to love and take care of like really value who I am last four and see who I am I know the actually there's nothing wrong with me on the deepest level of my being but it's been a really long journey to really get that because you can know something intellectually conceptually but it's about really knowing it deep within yourself that who I am as okay now and so this is been obviously and might as a healer us I've been trying to give the out to everybody else I was like I'm gonna give it to you and get you and help you feel okay and I'm gonna see you and love you and witness you but I wasn't really doing it for myself so this has been my biggest thing and then finally like obviously it's a work in progress right it's not like you land what I've learned about life is there's no you never Rive never arrive to the space where I know I was trying to rob us to find you know finally when I get there then I'll be okay then everything will be fine and that I realize now living you know like forty plus years now my yeah there's no arriving there is no end point there is you know you when you reach your goal may do the they'll be another one so for me it's been realizing that like fundamentally I'm okay %HESITATION and really knowing kind it's almost like the parts of me that I thought were bad I actually realized my guess and the thought this the president about America she was really good about me they just weren't hello they were acknowledged they were witnessed so they just went into the underground the underworld of the shadow and so I would say like for me this is been my biggest thing to overcome and I'm still working with that %HESITATION but I feel like there's been some really fundamental shifts and now it just changes the way that I do everything it changes the way that I move through life in a way that I create my business the way that I show up %HESITATION so rather than trying to think before I was like running into chase someone was chasing something in chasing a gone chasing a dream but I I kept on being slammed back and was like what is this why is it so hard because you can we cannot we have to move forward with all all of us no we had we life will not let us leave any part of us behind so is so this I would say I I hope that makes some sort of sense with your question but for me that's my biggest my biggest thing and I know I'm really really passionate now about the Buck stops with me like I do not want to pass on this and so what I would conceptualization my kids to future generations I want to shift is D. with these deep wounds is steep paying the state census of separation and abuse so much abuse that's been going that goes on everywhere and I really my big passion is like if I can stop that within myself and I can support other people's like just to transform a few people's lives DOT skin it then recall out into future generations and that that is my big passion I do what I do I'm like this is not going further the LAR las that's probably one of the most interesting responses about you have a head to this question it's %HESITATION it's fascinating and as you were saying that I was visiting so much with that I think your children on a fantastic place because the grandmother was so much where to send your gonna bring them so much more of the stuff that maybe you didn't have to know for your own of your parents and I think that they'll be blessed to obviously have your wisdom around that and there was one other thing you said which was you called escape yourself and I just saw this fantastic actually made that bold on my page here because we have to you well I selves faced you know this is the purpose of the show because for twenty four hours a day every single day until our last day but with ourselves so we can help we can love our parents because of our kids because of us prices as much as possible but when they're not there is just is just out of the woods yeah even myself when I struggle I have friends I can confide in but then double my friendly's my side %HESITATION my wife is my site it's just me and unless I'm not fixing myself and realizing because you again into the point you said we're not broken we just I suppose we just rebuilding Justin about strong enough I'm always trying to cut it so I thought that was one of the the one I keep were the best senses anyone's ever given me because it's something I can relate to I think it is definitely deep in us I think sometimes we need to look a little bit deeper robin just hit a generic stuff so I really appreciate you sharing that if I may off the back of that just ask you something a little bit personal please feel free to say you don't answer that's absolutely fine but you mentioned your mom again and that's probably where the trial the stock from with your childhood have you truly forgiven your ball but do you still hold any resentment towards a I have truly forgiven my mom %HESITATION I still I think with me I long for true authentic connection which means that whoever is in communication the also needs to be able to be authentic and I think it's really hard for some people to be that self honest because to be honest with yourself you have to feel everything and you know it's a generational thing their generation is just not equipped to feel on that level so I also have to for me it's not accepting just acceptance of yeah here she is and where she's in honoring her past and her journey and it's different very different from mine so for me it's been about acceptance forget forgiveness is part of it but it was about it it was about acceptance and like I was trying sometimes my mission to heal in transforming changes meant that I haven't you know accepted I heard the situation how it how it is and I because I wanted things to be better and I can see it could be better could be better you know this call is pushed pushing again I'm and partly that's good that's good for a person who really wants to grow and evolve but for someone who's just like I just want to be me in this moment %HESITATION so that's been one of my biggest learnings particular relations my mom is just like this that letter be more women yeah but I'm on a very different mission %HESITATION so so yes I would say it for you absolutely forgiveness is there but now my practice is just really acceptance of Santos the north and I think that's a great lesson for anyone listed is that not everybody will have the same dreams goals aspirations or the desire to grow hi yes I. freezes you are and myself and it was very frustrating for me when I have family members and friends who I want to see do just as well as minnows that come along with the security of light south developments operation nine out of ten of a lot actually I'm just fine where I am and I could never understand and used to frustrate me I'm almost to the point where you're trying to get into the head and understand their logic and not in itself would drive you crazy and yeah I did find just accepting the way that they are because of their own belief system and just whatever they desire was just so much easier for myself and then on though let's just work on myself and maybe one day I can inspire them to maybe think Hey I want the couple cool just trying to enhance my life because I suppose sometimes I'll say and I think ignorance is bliss like before I went on the self development JD lysosomal simply was that's what Monday to Friday and let's get drunk on a Friday night cover the Senate and about to break where is now but body myself on all these layers of my life but at the same time I truly enjoy like I I love what I do I love the whole landing on the government so much in just this last fifty minutes for yourself that note notebook would really give me because it's just been a an authentic people conversation so I want people to kind of fill how long feeding now but again like you said something he stopped except not everyone's may be ready for it in this metallic time yeah so yeah I'm and I would ask you another question and if I if I may and this one is you're in well I would consider not a very good place or at least in a place where you can kind of rely on yourself and maybe make yourself more violence but I want to ask you what's your biggest fear right now in this moment sure it's interesting I think one of my biggest fear is being alone and I mean suffering I I think having like a painful death is also something that scares me I don't mind dying I'm at peace the dying I just don't want pain %HESITATION but being being alone so I realize that connection really deep heart center doesn't the connection fuels me deeply so yeah I think being being totally alone is my answer to that one and and that's being alone from I'm assuming people not in terms of your practice of started chewed or anything like that no because I need that now and I I've I realize that but I I I used to hate I used to run a mile from being alone in anyway and yeah me too big being alone lead you know see because you can be around people and you can there can be a business you can still feel alone yeah at a lonely and that that is something that I've experienced a lot in my life and the I've realized because I need to sort of do get exam to feel to feel yet to see a connection with people %HESITATION so yeah I think being loaned me is probably %HESITATION yes the idea of like a sometimes a sinking gosh if I get old you know no no friends so there's no family and I'm all alone you know that I think is one of the worst things a nice I there's so many people that feel so alone in this world was so many billions of people in it kind of breaks my heart so I feel like I'm also kind of is my fear and then also motivates me to do something about that like how can we shift this alone academic that seems to be on this plan of so many people so so I take my fears and then on the rights what can we do you know that it inspires me to take action and do something I think you touched or someone at a program for you which is low enough so in my last life as a social worker I became aware of the statistics of people suffering and I went in the auto sector and the amount of I does who you I would go visit for Caro just to see how they're doing I was heart breaking with the had no family or friends and and it really did make me feel grateful for this the simple things the ability to just pick up the phone and have a conversation with someone because loneliness is it so it is side it's horrible and I don't wish on anyone and it is actually something that hopefully I can announce to the next maybe years so I'm trying to do more for mental health is trying to create a social enterprise where they're gonna with the money that we raise from the business we're gonna donated to open like day centers and night centers for people who are struggling in isolation %HESITATION just to kind of give a a safe haven where there's no stigma attached to suffer with a mental health to come into a safe place and not be alone basically because through my experience I believe it was a movement often have an informative folk with quite a few people there would say the one thing that they'd want is just someone to talk to without without the fear of judgment and just not be that long because I think they feel like they are unknown and they stroking had swiped like I said with this show is to show people that your problem is an exclusive to you there are diss identifica will connect and we just try to support each other we can hopefully %HESITATION have a have a have a happier life basically all that so beautiful absolutely and and what I've learned because I'm so I've you know supported many many people now over the years is that if you're struggling with something there there is someone else who's struggling the same thing like we're not alone and this is the things also I feel passionate speaking openly authentically to help other people realize you're not the only ones struggling you know yeah and so I think it's beautiful I love your vision thank you thank you we are not you are they going to going to the faux pas the shows are you ready yes okay three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be poverty your favorite beer I TA your biggest role model Oprah Winfrey what would you like to be remembered for love your biggest goal this year Christian because because this year to find where we want to let you waste mistake not appreciating every moment of my girls and they were little if you could relive one day again what they would it be when my girls are for like two and five when they're little day whenever that all the ability to fly it will be visible fly the number one thing that I'm doing easy dishonesty money or fame money your proudest moment giving birth to my girls your favorite food Indian would you rather speak four languages we'll be able to speak to animals I can speak to okay this is an old or languages eight yeah if you had an extra hour a day how would you spend it walking with my husband if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour he would it be dead or alive once the Oprah Winfrey we're at the end of the %HESITATION quick fire round how did you find that that was fun good stuff good stuff okay I'm really interested about the %HESITATION speaking with animals so of dust if your conversation for the day not as fascinated us of doctor do those stuff there so I always wanted to be a vet that was my I've always been obsessed with animals and loves loves them okay but it will almost certainly at the end of the show nine Lara so just a couple more questions if I may the next one is about reflection some of them believe that hindsight is a wonderful thing because I was the upon reflection weaker yen and think of ways to get to where we are currently quicker easier over less heartache but at the same time %HESITATION so guess the journey teaches us a lot as well it's always a real belief of mine that everything kind of happens for a reason so knowing exactly what you know now I with all your knowledge and we always them if you could go back to maybe younger Lara maybe when you were fourteen and your going through the the emotional trauma of the of your life and you can just whisper something in the younger Lars yeah what would you say I would say and I would tell her who she is so I would say that you are loved your very deeply loved you're beautiful person you got a beautiful heart you have a special you have special gifts and special sensitivity I would tell her all about the ways that she needs to be looked after nourish to feel okay %HESITATION it took me a long time to learn that and and talked about her lights and M. that she's fine Sir and energies and emotions really difficult and stressful and so I would just be telling her soothing loving things in her ear speak for us before I'm sure you probably say these kind of things not to do is you're going to just be such a bad emotional space front of which is %HESITATION which is fantastic and I suppose the lesson tortoises off I hope so yeah I'm sure you do great and that she does I believe this to the last question and the last question I always like trust my guess is about legacy so if in a hundred fifty years time science fails to save us and all that exists is a book and this book is about you and it tells us all the way in a wonderful things that you've done in life and everything up by you firstly what with the title of the book B. and second what the Blair about the back tell us about you the title would be follow your heart and it's interesting you know I think the things that I'd want to be your remember for as the kindness and love which is interesting right is it almost like I want this sort of essence be there but %HESITATION you know my my desires are you know touching touching millions of people's lives and %HESITATION making an impact inspiring people to trust in themselves trust in their heart dressed in their inner knowing %HESITATION and I hope to make the path easier for people so somehow that by me doing my part of my life Ives somehow clear that path a bit making a little bit easier to walk for future generations something along those lines nothing must be for this view for some reason I mean you definitely made my life easy just in this very brief conversation I'm excited to kind of funny you Jenny moving forward because you've got twenty years experience so for us to be able to just latch on to that and almost kinda get a bit of a head start and then go through the process with you it's fascinating I think calling this and love are two you know the most be for things that we we all should whether it's natural what do we have to learn it just just landed because it will it's going to be in such a better place and finally just on that and following your journey which I really want to encourage every person that listens to the show and all was said to be doing it myself is how can we follow you and how can we connect with you if that's okay with yourself while the best platforms well I love connecting I realized something that motivates me more than anything %HESITATION so I'm on you too if you put in Lara Waldman abundance activator %HESITATION I'm on Facebook if you can larva of an abundance activator I'm on Instagram Lara Waldman official and my website is Lara Waldman dot com and if you want to reach I've got a contact form on the website they're fantastic what I will do is pull or those with the actual links in the show notes so anyway listen to this episode it you just go to the show notes and click it directly and get in touch with you well obviously be promoted on ward aspects of social media are I just wanna say once again thank you so much for your time in order your knowledge that you've lasted so with today and I want to thank everyone at home thank you for listening thank you so much for having me it's been a great pleasure and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
How to deal with Trauma #30

How to deal with Trauma #30

2019-07-1500:48:08

"Everlasting touch" by Kimberly JoNell #30Tagline: "Compassion, kindness, connection, empathy & love will carry throughout human civilization"What an incredibly beautiful soul Kimberly JoNell is.A woman who has faced her biggest fears, of losing her friend, both parents and her belongings to Hurricane Katrina. A lady who spends every waking hour serving others, with no expectation of receiving anything back. A graceful individual who focuses on making the world a better place for children, teenagers and all those who experience trauma to some level in their lives. I am forever grateful to have shared an hour with Kimberly as I genuinely believed I learnt so much from her story, her experience, her wisdom and knowledge. She is someone who has shown me I have yet so many further steps to travel. But she also showed me that I was right in what I was doing.We must all live to and through our own purpose. We must become self-aware and recognise our own beauties and become in touch with ourselves so that we can then leave an everlasting touch to the rest of the world.It was also the first time I have ever shown clips of the episode prior to launching because I have genuinely never felt such a connection with someone, whose message is so pure, authentic and sincere. I urge you all to support this amazing lady and follow her incredible journey on the links shown below.Some key discussion points:How to become more self-awareThe importance of self-loveFacing and overcoming adversityIntent and sincerityLiving with energy and inspirationImportance of being curiousSupport the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhSLinks to me:Website: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6yLinks to KimberlyInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacksonk10Podcast: https://anchor.fm/you-are-the-wealth-with-kimberly-jonell/episodes/Having-Less-Stuff-Can-Reduce-Anxiety-e4g359Twitter: https://twitter.com/YouAreTheWealthPippa Transcript:welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show so today I am bringing you Kimberly JoNell somebody who who got me through the interview to state this was actually the greatest three minutes dot ever experience so far %HESITATION find your voice maybe that is because it's something that resonated with me somewhat more than maybe it will with yourselves but what I will say is that that three minutes completely changed the way that I see people in the way that I did not carry out my life and again this is why I'm not trying to move the show a little bit more towards because I'm very conscious that we can all get inspired and motivated by hearing all these stories of people overcoming adversity and going through the trials and tribulations but still remaining positive is still persevering but what I want to start to do not %HESITATION is trying to ask each of my guess a couple of tips a couple of things that we can take away so last week you had the incredible tale that give us the clay act message and that was fantastic and in fact what you've been doing that for the last two weeks and Kimberly crops are owner gets and these looks absolutely incredible and I would just want to say it once again my gratitude to committee for taking time out of a day I certainly learned so much and realize that this personal development Jedi dom on I have so much further to go pretty speedy forty six it's exciting and I'm really enjoying the process and hopefully you guys I've come along on the journey as well are enjoying it too so without further ado let's get this interview on the way okay so firstly I just wanna thank Kimberly for taking time out of a day to come when I show today and be quite enough to share his story as she's actually have podcaster herself a business owner a trauma specialist which is actually something I'm really interested to hear more about a community I reach and youth health educator SO very excited for this opportunity she's on the other side of the road actually so we are connected via Skype which is fantastic in this is kind of the thing that podcasting kind bring to the surface so before we begin can really how you doing today I'm awesome just excited to be here and and and opportunity to talk with you and the rest of your listeners thank you so much for taking the time and having me here today I appreciate it you're very welcome thank you too as well for taking time out your day so it's quite easy for me it's ten o'clock here in the U. K. and parties even a free use of bless you for having to deal with me rambling gone in the morning so %HESITATION I'm a morning person luckily for you saw my so hopefully this will be plain sailing I think it's going to be important for my listeners to get to know your story a little bit from yourself so if you wouldn't mind can belief you kind of just give us I suppose a summary of of your life some things of by you have basically what brings you here today thank you sure so %HESITATION I grew up in a small town outside of Cincinnati Ohio Colerain township and I both of my parents live in the household with me my dad was a truck driver my mother was a stay at home mom and essentially I had a pretty %HESITATION pretty interesting childhood I went back and forth between Louisiana during my summers and %HESITATION didn't really have a lot of extended family in the city where we lived only child so that definitely I provided a lot of insight for me growing up in terms of spending a lot of time alone and I think it has developed a lot within me where I'm pretty self to pay and then in terms of with my self awareness %HESITATION most of my childhood friends I'm still very close to now but there were a lot of experiences I had throughout my childhood and teenage years which brought a lot of curiosity for B. into the things that I'm interested in now %HESITATION I particularly had several relatives in my life who had special needs and the growing up in the nineteen eighties you really did not have a lot of explanation or information available as to what special needs wise what developmental delays wire and throughout my high school years I began to read up a lot more about it I had a cousin in particular that had autism %HESITATION and so I developed an interest in that and I eventually started studying speech pathology in college and I found out from that from that field that we work with individuals who have ox is M. we work with individuals who have other developmental delays that and then we will also serve children who have articulation delays language delays stuttering all of those different facets in childhood there's other rounds of speech pathology as well so part of my %HESITATION my background in that is from some of the early experiences in exposures I had with people who had a developmental delays or cognitive delays so that was sent that was of a big passion of mine early on %HESITATION I'm passionate about electronics and if anybody files my Instagram page they'll see that I'm usually into a lot of different things but %HESITATION I enjoy anything dealing with technology being here for forty years now I have observed so many revolutionary things that have been brought to the %HESITATION into the space with regards to technology advancements the internet %HESITATION and now we're involving %HESITATION evolving into a lot of other things in terms of digital currency %HESITATION I was just reading an article last night about a timeless vehicles so I'm just I'm just a very curious person to being only child I didn't really have a lot of friends early on and I spent a lot of time by myself so curiosity just drives me %HESITATION I'm incredibly grateful I I went through a lot of very difficult situations early on in life I'm I witnessed %HESITATION a violent incident in my early twenties which shaped a lot of things for me %HESITATION I had a very close friend of mine in my early twenties that was killed so that shaped a lot for me as well %HESITATION during my last year of college I'm last right before after graduation from college my family in Dort hurricane Katrina %HESITATION which was a mass of hurricane that impacted the Louisiana and Gulf coast area of the United States and throughout that process I lost everything I had because most of my things were in Louisiana at the time and I was living in a different state so I had the indoor loss %HESITATION several times throughout my life and then two years later both of my parents passed away unexpectedly so sorry to hear that %HESITATION well you know it it does those challenges are things that so many of us have to go through and %HESITATION and and back to that just with my parents that was a huge motivator for me as well in terms of getting into the mental health field at because I did have a lot of observation throughout my childhood with people in my family who struggle with mental health issues and at that time no one really gave it a label but you kind of just observe things that were happening around you and then also observing things that happen within myself as a teenager I struggled a lot with anxiety I struggle out was depression I think that was around the first time in my life and maybe around seventeen or eighteen when I really started to feel what depression felt like and %HESITATION so as I got older I really began to try to understand more about and it wasn't until after my parents passed away that I would there be and it really I mean I am a huge advocate for therapy for people now so that brought me into the mental health realm of where I am now with helping people in the community outreach with trauma and %HESITATION I've taken mindfulness training to try to assist people with that area of their life as well so I'm all over the place but I have many many passions and it it is what keeps me going and just being able to provide something of value to to to the world why what a story so you've definitely exceeded my expectations already in the so many things I actually own a car from that story so face the odds I just love your I chewed because for somebody who's in George so much loss not just only with your friend be a Paris which you know I I send my deepest condolences for %HESITATION you you have such a brilliant attitude that you are grateful for the difficult situations in your life and this is literally it's almost like if I had to think of a perfect guest to have a my show Kimberly you would be that guess because I want people to realize that the calls that would tell in life because we choose and sometimes it works sometimes it bad and it's about having to overcome the adversity and almost used adversity is a gift and you've you've taken on all these obstacles in your life and not what you're doing is you're saving others and you'll fulfilling yourself your happiness and I and I just loved about you that you you send for instance your cousin who's suffered with autism and you said I need to understand is a little bit better and you've dived into that topic and now you're trying to make a difference for people free speech pathology that you mentioned and I like that your all over the place I love that because for some people it's quite common for them to kind of thing that I need to be an expert in one field will kind of stick to one lane I love a lot yourself I am very chaotic my mind is all over the place I am into property on one side I mean to podcast into his by the board in one place I am also an advocate of children's as struggling so my younger brother has wound isn't as well and I was a social worker in my past life so there's a lot of things I can and resonate with you even with the depression my mom suffered a depression some trying to start a social enterprise to raise awareness so I wish I had more of me or more of you actually could you have so much more awareness to me that we could almost in the short amount of time that we have one in this bill would make such a positive difference and I mean even the hurricane Katrina that was big news over here in the U. K. is about that experience Dynegy spoken to somebody who's lived out means it's one thing seen on the television on and if you wouldn't mind because it's quite unique topic could you just maybe run through that area to what it was like in terms of how you're feeling and what you have to do I'll absolutely ads for me I moved actually I graduated from college in may of two thousand five I was attending a college in Louisiana New Orleans and I actually have an apartment in east New Orleans I received a job offer to move to Georgia and two weeks after I packed up my storage unit in just packed up probably a suitcase full of belongings intro to Atlanta Katrina hit all of my family and friends were still there the first thing I could think of in terms of just describe my my emotions was powerless I had a friend who was a nurse and %HESITATION one of the hospitals in the north the the uptown area of New Orleans she was trapped in the hole in the hospital %HESITATION I have family members who were trapped in the lower ninth ward I'm I remember being at work because I was working as a speech pathologist at the time I'm sitting in my office texting my friend who was a nurse in the hospital during apple after the hurricane that hit the levy said broke in the water it flooded the city her phone was literally the only phone on that floor her hospital they had no electricity no power I was texting her in telling her what was happening because they had no idea that the levy said broke they knew the hurricane hit they were out of power and she was in the hospital where a lot of people died because a lot of the hospital patients who did not have power for the the hospital equipment %HESITATION it was it was in a %HESITATION deal that I will never ever forget it taught me so much about just not taking things for granted I'm and also being okay with things being out of your control %HESITATION but but that particular situation with with Katrina let so much for me because I watch so many people lose so much more I lost physical possessions but I watched people that lost their whole community %HESITATION I had family members who lost neighbors who drowned one of my mother's childhood friends drowned in Katrina and she didn't find out until three months four months later %HESITATION his name popped up on the list and so %HESITATION that contribute to a lot of depression for her and she actually passed away two years after Katrina but the stress of that that situation and to watch even all these years later the posttraumatic stress that so many people in that city in in that region experienced and never still yet received support or have provided have been providing the type of %HESITATION mental health %HESITATION S. U. resources to help them with that you know I'm I'm very passion about trauma %HESITATION because it's something that is in the body the body you know there's a book out that I read about four five years ago called the body keeps the score and I think of that all the time with Katrina and terms or any natural disaster in the around the world when things are not provided for people to work through that trauma or when people are not educated on how trauma shows that up it impacts so much so for me that situation was it was a life changing for my entire family but for me to witness that %HESITATION for me to be in contact with people who are actually on the ground and did not have access to water or food in no idea what was happening it was it was literally just %HESITATION an out of out of body experience it really was the sun's up sees her flying and hope they listed as you have just heard that emotional story don't wait for %HESITATION catastrophe or disaster like hurricane Katrina to be grateful for the things that we do have fortunately I'd I have experience or the adversities are possible and want to hear from you he just makes me so much more grateful for the little things I have as well and even more so than already have you said something that was really powerful and it was being okay with the things being out of your control I know as simple as that sentence is I just feel that we will struggle with that yes and we'll have concerts you miss in the day and then I fix a motions on our behavior in the way we treat our friends and our families and it's something I'll definitely try to be more mindful of I think you to turn it previously it's about my furnace and the money keeps the school always is it's it's something not she heard about six months ago and it really makes sense to me and I've seen people who have been through trauma or who have been through hat similar to yourself and your body does take a toll because the physiology although we wanna see extending tenderly it's it's damage in a so I'm putting you on the spot here a little bit can be if you don't mind but no go ahead I can handle it customer you hundred much way so I could see myself should be fine but if you could just give say one tangible tape to somebody whether it is something as simple as just trying to be okay with things being out of your control just something of somebody experiences some level of adverse to a former in that moment what tip could you just help somebody with a tip that I can help someone with %HESITATION my biggest thing that with the teenagers that I work with is just self awareness %HESITATION body awareness of being more aware of what's going on inside of your body what he's feeling how how you breathing now what are you thinking of I %HESITATION I I truly believe that you know we it will manifest our thoughts and our body gives us feedback on everything that we transmit you know whether it's a verbal emotional energetic %HESITATION visual it's all we out process that we process it differently but to be just really self aware %HESITATION you know that is that is the most thing that I have learned in anger years of my life recently I haven't always been self aware maybe I have I did have a label for but just to be self aware yeah %HESITATION knowing yourself and and and being okay with that and then also but not not judging yourself in that in that same breath you know but just really knowing yourself and know having your boundaries %HESITATION being compassionate with yourself and we all have struggles we all have problems but not focusing on the problems as much I'm shifting your mindset that speak to that's that's a really big thing too but self awareness for me it is powerful it has worked at any age self awareness can be obtained it is not limited to you know in a certain stage of the journey that's a fantastic and so I need give us some gold information so thank you for the help and I hope it helps the land I really do it justice changed my life absolutely I think I'd so much value it one thing that I do try to do and as you said it reminded me to do it again was to be aware so I almost sat Lopez you were talking just to kind of control my breathing again proper breathing I then became self aware of my body so the sensation of my feet touching the floor in my hands resting on my thighs and little things that I think we go through life and we're almost so reactive that we we tend to forget all of that and then yeah something also so before which was not judging yourself and be compassionate with yourself and I'm probably hit the west for this because I will beat myself up over the most trivial things yet if my friends or my family what to do the same thing I would almost burned all run that showed a and sometimes I sing there I think what can I talk to myself the way that I took two of this and I think I would be living in a much better place I hope it makes no sense but I sometimes feel that we are our own worst enemies at times so I think the specified testing and we should all try to be calm and more self aware have you got any recommendations in terms of books %HESITATION courses Ole is it something that maybe you can offer the list this all my goodness there's so many books that I've read but again if there's one thing to read it but to actually and put it into practice and make it practical in your daily living %HESITATION at their at their %HESITATION I don't really know of any books that teach self awareness it it's something that that I have just more more psychology more psychology behind in anything I read a lot of self help books over the years but really understanding human behavior and psychology reading books about psychology has been tremendous for me I took psychology in college as a minor so I I had a lot of exposure to human development but now that I'm out of college I still continue to feed my brain with things to help me better understand sociology and psychology and and and human behavior I'm as I would like to say just searched anything was self awareness on the internet find people on social media who are interested in that look up hash tags about self awareness I talk about it a lot on my on my Instagram page %HESITATION I was I'm sorry go ahead no sorry I was just gonna say Kimberly or better yet follow you on your Instagram yes they yes I do I tap on it a lot in my on my my social media platform I really do because I don't think that people are a familiar with that term enough and %HESITATION again there they could somebody be eighty years old and not self aware it really is a way of being and so many people like you said %HESITATION are reactive we're just going to life to auto pilot if they're not really in tune with who they are and how they respond to the world and and being sent a lot of people have sensitivities %HESITATION anxiety is something that many people suffer with but anxiety is also triggered by a lot of sensitivity issues things in the environment you know some people are very sensitive to energy so it really makes a difference you know once you are aware of who you are and how you respond to your to life in the navigate from that space of level of understanding yourself this brilliant thank you thank you for sharing knowledge I think maybe this is more of an actual Jenny for this one they just simply picking up a book and hoping that's going to solve our problems I think it is definitely gonna require some level of daily work for this yes I'm using your own words here that you previously mentioned that you you kind of all over the place and in the things that you're doing could you kindly give us an insight into what a day in the life is like for you oh my goodness a day in the life will I wake up extremely early am I like to operate when the world where I am is still pretty quiet %HESITATION but I am constantly learning about different things %HESITATION I'm in I teach sex education that's what I do %HESITATION throughout the week %HESITATION with high school kids in the city where I live so I'm working on modules for the upcoming week I am going over questions that they ask a lot of them I give them a little box and I pass around the class I have a hundred and fifty kids this summer that according to my course date posted give questions to me anonymously and %HESITATION I'm not sure how it is there in London where you are but here in the United States sex education is not a U. eighty normalized curriculum or course in in public schools here and I'm really working on changing the conversation for that because we need it I see the feedback from the teens in the use here in the U. S. that they really want information they want %HESITATION information about how to protect themselves they want information about consent understanding that about %HESITATION this past week we did negotiation skills those are things life skills that will not of us ever ever really taught you know communication skills getting the foundation for that start early we both know communication skills are things that we have to evolve upon the route life but in the teenage years to have the opportunity to start learning communication skills and understanding with healthy and unhealthy relationships are and understand the carrot sticks of abusive relationships so I do that %HESITATION I still provide valuable insight to people who have children with special needs because that is still a passion of mine autism is still widely misunderstood autism is still very taboo and there are a lot of more holistic approach is to help kids with autism I worked in a program about four or five years ago in autism program in Virginia beach Virginia and it provided a lot of insight for me on how to approach with autism and and how to help them connect better with with people that are serving them in the school system serving them in the home and also about them when they get older me when they get older what are we what space that we have available for them what type of jobs are things that we have available in place for them so those are things that I'm working on %HESITATION I also do volunteer work I work in the nonprofit sector here I am helping to eliminate a lot of smoking environments where we are because the air pollution is is is pretty high where we are and %HESITATION we have a lot of places that still allows smoking in certain public areas where children are asked me is is a very high incident here in the area where I am so I'm involved in that I'm involved in a black chain chamber of commerce we are also educating the world about blockchain the things that are happening in that sector and how it's going to revolutionize things in in the world %HESITATION with with all of that so I'm all over the place while really just everywhere and you do all of this in the same twenty four hours is as all of us and you know what black Jane yeah blacks say this typically webinars %HESITATION we have webinars I can't always attend the meetings their meetings every day about blockchain throughout my city but I at the particular chamber that I'm in we do a lot of note similar to the Skype limits are popping if they have a meeting I try to find out you know what what they're working on it how I can contribute %HESITATION the sex ed courses go on during the day I only teach for about an hour and a half because the kids are in the summer program so I come in and provide them with the need in their lives and take questions and then I move on but I am busy and I home school my daughter so I do that too it I'm maximize my day but I mean it it just flows I mean I'm just so happy to be alive to be here so it it doesn't I never really get burned out I I have found a way to really just take it all in and and focus on things that I'm passionate about it because my intention behind everything is good %HESITATION it just flows it really does I love that I chill Olwen expend energy from may so it feels like you'll got so much let your inspiration this this self service the selfless yes you just giving out and most of it is probably because of the addresses of come in your life to make you feel so grateful have you always been that a Colleen generous personal how's life almost made you just appreciate everything you have to then go out and try to give more to the world %HESITATION you know I honestly I I think I've always been that way they had a lot to do with my parenting %HESITATION my parents did everything they could to keep me very grounded %HESITATION I I grew up in a in a it was a lot a lot and %HESITATION even though there were some things that occurred you know by parents or are not perfect but they they both do their very best to make sure that I stay grounded and date expose me to things where I was able to see that I was very blessed in the situation that I was in and they always made sure that I I remain humble %HESITATION so a really had to do with my parents in my eyes my parents again they they were great they have their own struggles but they truly %HESITATION embodied compassion and empathy in mice that my mother used to we will go to New Orleans they were children in the neighborhood who who who didn't have a lot of food and they're they're I don't know what their situations where because I was probably eight or nine years old I remember she would pack food for them and and give them food and and we would she was very passionate about the elderly community and senior senior citizens and she would spend time with them as he would take me with her and do all of those things so I grew up seeing it modeled in people in my life and so for me it was just natural it was part of being human I love it your mother sounds like an incredible lady she was housing and I gained some of those lessons that the compassion the empathy and stuff I have to be very grateful as well that that was instilled in me from my parents and this is probably one of the main things along with kindness to a one one day when I do have children T. just instilled in nothing that's a hell of a lot more important than some of the things we think are important growing up in life such as the results that you get on an exam for example who's got the best trade is what I mean that there's more important things compassion empathy or not so that's a beautiful on sat and just on not then what is your intrinsic and why you know what I do so much and I don't expect anything in return and so I think that has a lot to do with that I just I want to see people happy I want to see people for Phil and I want to see people doing what they love I at throughout my life I have observed so many people who are unhappy and who were not enjoying life and it has it's saddening sometimes to see that %HESITATION and then there it's comes from people who you know who have gone through a lot but just to be alive you know that's that's just enough you know is just enough %HESITATION I just don't take anything for granted %HESITATION at the I just don't we have a lovely I think your intent is is so truthful and honest and I'm not sure if it's something that maybe we would have to go through adversity to kind of gain that deception without clarity the fact that you want to see people happy you want to see for filled and seeing them do what they love that's literally how are you try to be I mean all I'm AT my Jenny I am still learning I love it so much from you just in the short amount of time that we had together so very grateful for that and I don't understand myself and I'm going to find a bit of a tangent here so excuse me but I see a lot of people especially on social media who pretends to have the intent that you have no I could feel it from you just right did you notice the second says that you've been through that your your because nobody who's not pure would go out there and selflessly wake up early met the most of the day to be trying to make an impact in so many different areas of life which she feels that she can make an impact but in social media today after that we're also in a society where people will on this mask and then they almost try and say the right things in order to gain fame more publicity %HESITATION more like a social media I mean really white it really dries my kids because I can see straight through somebody's intent but you touched on something that was brilliant and is that you don't burn I and I think when you come from a place of inspiration and you come from a place of just your passion you're not going to bed not because you any Jesus bureau I mean I don't have the science behind that to back it but I I believe that because I don't have to get better %HESITATION when I'm working for most of the I'm passionate about but I feel that when I work for an organizational something with my values and ethics don't align with it I struggle a struggle between ones so I think that's a great message that you gave in this podcast is for people just to be honest with themselves again it comes back to self awareness of a kind of come full circle here that in life sometimes people are saying the buzz words because I feel that's going to attract more likes and attention where is I'm just saying just be yourself there's nothing wrong if you don't want to change the world there's absolutely nothing wrong with that if your house and your content in your field in your life then by all means just live that life but don't try to be something that you're not because I'm said finding it's hard enough just be myself and try to figure myself I run and try to have a second personally so yeah a little bit of a run that but I just I just feel that you've you've gave so much and clarity and value dava been able to kind of connect the dots that hope you're made about since two years ago is now yes thank you and I I totally agree you can definitely feel it and %HESITATION you know I'm I'm not in the business of of being negative on other people but I don't like to see people being deceived you know that's a big thing for me and that is that is where I I I said the self awareness I talk about that with my teenagers about being manipulated as did you have to be so in tune with yourself where you can see it coming a mile away I said it's a different game in this world now you know there's a lot of illusions that pretend to be the truth and you have to be on top of that and you have to trust yourself and if something doesn't feel right if something doesn't resonate then then don't force IT don't you know try to make it make it feel good and or to go with the flow but you're right you fit you can sense that I I'm the same way in it if used to trigger me it really did but I feel that when you're not operating from a space of integrity or a space of intent eventually it catches up with you it always does it always does I think I'm realizing that I think people who are trying to go for the short term gains will events short term yeah yeah absolutely but what was incredible they can really was as you said manipulation I literally wrote that would die some I'm not trying so if you hit the nail on the head is Zaki with them my thought process and I see in a society where people are taking advantage of people could because one I see people who already at a disadvantage anyway through the because of the man dell in life and it just really upsets me that there's a but I did then trying to exploit these people and so by almost trying to sell people that they're missing a key ingredient for example so you you're having people setting courses for like two thousand pounds because if you really want to be successful you need this one thing so you need to come by my course and I'm just like Hey you could talk about it and I'm I'm trying to think that we need to let yourself is try to be more persuasive rod in trying to manipulate people but I think if people with self aware and use they got interested what you just said I think we definitely in a better place but yeah that's that's interesting thank you for that your welcome and just to add on that %HESITATION people prion in security and anytime that someone can make another person feel as if they are not enough then they open that door where they can say you're not enough here's what you need from me in order to you know and that I learned what I work in the nonprofit sector I'll I observe that a lot of people go into underserved communities and they would do the photo ops they will go when under the agenda that they were there to serve and to help but it was really just to for their own personal gain it was either for notoriety and the people in the community what will begin to not trust in a will go away and then we will try to provide information and resources they would say well how long you going to be here because most people come in they collect data from us and they leave and so I saw that in real world experience and then for to see it on the internet now on social media is so much easier for people everybody's looking for something and and they and then those who are preying on people they are out here doing it with with expectation of something in return whether it's money whether it's likes whether its followers but it's not coming from the space of I am here to to provide value for you I don't want anything from you and like you said the short term is a short term objective but is is the long term because I believe we're all interconnected if we can provide value for someone it's plants the seed that can alter their life life choices in their lifetime and they shouldn't require anything from someone else you know just the energy exchanges enough you know that's enough yeah can be this is this is exactly why I love this podcast on from from a sunfish perspective dot last three minutes not on twenty eight shows that's probably the best three minutes to all I've been fortunate to have heard maybe because it resonates with me on a personal level so you said something that and I I got a bit emotional and and the heads of my home stood up because he said people pray on security and I fill in the last twelve months somebody who I considered very close to me prior mind security from mind's eye you my shyness and it was almost led to believe that any of the success I have in the future was down to this one individual yes in hindsight when a simple thing can I think I've had to or that we can all I've got to overcome my fear is I've got to go and try to do public speaking and then embarrass myself because the words don't come out and I've got all those reps in those I was in those sleepless nights but there was a time when I wasn't as self aware %HESITATION realizing my own values always bring into the world and I didn't believe that it was all done to this one individual one it was incredible how the how they I suppose it was be manipulated I'm to be honest and only share this on not to kind of broadcast this as this individual I'm trying to book classes to people who may be going through the same situation because I now sit here and I I feel hurt and I feel pain that I feel that the individual has loss probably one of the most low people on the road and that's one thing that I would always try and be is is just a very loyal person to people even myself on this JWT person development six seven years I'm still landing everyday so am I on a selfish reason that really resonated with me massively and I hope it does for that for the laces are because I'm sure we're all going to be coming into contact with people who we generally think have our best intentions are hot but deep down and their intent is not as pule and %HESITATION and I I truly believe that is all comes down to your intent yes it does it does so thank you for that and I'm gonna just flipped the script nice so I want to ask you have you been through so much adversity and since so much in your incredible story and you could talk about this for days just a shame that you're on the other side of the road but what actually scares you in this moment what's your biggest fear you know to be honest I almost want to say I don't have any fears but I think for me there's a inner urgency just to make sure that I do everything that I can in terms of my mission here before I leave here and and I don't really know when that time will be but other than that I don't really have any fears and I'm not afraid of death I'm not afraid of failure I'm not afraid of of of is there a being embarrassed %HESITATION I've shared a lot of personal things on my Instagram page that most people probably would not share out of fear of judgment I'm not afraid of judgment I'm not really afraid of anything and I think that that's what my fuel is it's like no one can say anything that can really take me out of my space and it it just it empowers it empowers me that I don't have any really I don't really have any fears of anything I just I haven't always been this way though so now it has this has been a journey to get get this I used to be afraid of a lot you know but %HESITATION again I think the experiences that I've gone through have basically all of my fears that I had I had to face them so no thank you for sharing that thank you for mentioning that you wasn't always like this because I I think when somebody and hopefully people after this show will be the definite gravitate towards you for you that might just think that it's okay for Kimberly Camby's got it all figured out what people don't realize is everyone has a story and everyone becomes the way they are because of whatever is happening this previous chapters that's kind of one of the purposes behind the show and if I'm completely honest now you've got me intrigued because I'm I'm kicking myself that I did it do you more stalking into your personal is around is my own you know put my hands up because I think Instagram we look at it and we look at pretty pictures it is not attracted us in the face to the second record of I scored away so I'm very interested not to kind of go back into your posts and the whole the listeners do as well because I'm sure there's going to be a lot that we can all learn from not so %HESITATION definitely %HESITATION food for thought for myself thank you for that yeah I'll you're welcome yeah there's there's a ton of %HESITATION information I've been on Instagram since two thousand eleven and believe it or not the first three or four years of Instagram my page was totally private I I used to be a very private person and then %HESITATION one day something came to my mind and it said you you're gonna have a lot that you need to do and you're gonna have to reach a lot more people and opening your account is the only way be able to do it to know you with it you can that work and talk to people and really connect with other people and I just always been a very private person I'm totally on the different end of the spectrum now there's nothing that I won't share about my life for the most part I'm pretty much open but %HESITATION yeah there's a ton of information there and I hope we can provide some value for people anything kind of watch my journey along the way over these years %HESITATION as well thank you and that's the V. for thing about it and I feel not it should be Stephanie your G. eat to spread your light and spread your message as well so if I ever see you doing anything in private I'm gonna tell you off myself piston he make sure they put out into the road because yeah yeah lightning definitely okay can be rested on the part of the show now which I like to cool the from Polish %HESITATION where I'm gonna put you on the spot and ask you also as a way to win for questions so we're gonna start in three two one what did you eat for breakfast %HESITATION nothing yet okay your biggest gift the ability to communicate the ability to fly %HESITATION be visible fly would you rather have a rewind button or a pause button on life but many of fame that's not that's a tough one money or fame because both provide impact I wish I would have to say money because I could do things anonymously and still make an impact without the fame I don't want to sync your proudest moment becoming a mother your favorite food pineapple not fix the chief of man I used to pass down Kay your number one goal this year connect with more people that are international your favorite TV show ever you know what I was just talking about that yesterday I like Mister Rogers neighborhood there %HESITATION there's like great value in wisdom and that would you rather know how you would die or when you are done when your favorite hobby apple in books or movies books if you could sit with one person in the road for an hour who would it be your last I love to pick his brain US there is a child was actually something happened to my parents that was my worst fear and finally if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be I would abolish anything that would cause harm to children yeah I working with teenagers and knowing that a many of them are going through a lot or have been through a lot as a result of other people if I could if I could abolish any type of harm done to children because everything originates in childhood absolutely yeah thank you we are actually at the end right yeah brilliant okay so just a couple more questions can be from may and %HESITATION the next one I always like to ask my guess is about reflection so I'm a family even the whole inside is a wonderful thing in terms of it can teach just ways that we can get to places quick cash with less heartache Reza who all want to know is if you could knowing everything that you know knives go back to a time where maybe you will be and said no we're not clear way you we're going in life and whisper something in the younger Kim please yeah what would you say I would tell a younger Kimberly to trust herself yeah I would I would tell her to trust herself because there was a time when I would listen to what everyone else was saying my parents my friends and this is before social media so I can only imagine the at the feedback that people get now from strangers are from people that they don't now but to trust myself trust myself UPS is going to be okay everything's going to be okay love the love that thank you and sadly that she does bring us to the last question so if in a hundred fifty years time science vows to save us and all that exists is a book and this book it's about you it's about your life and all the way in a wonderful things that you've contributed to life and everything about you basically firstly what would the title of the book be and secondly what with the Blair but the back tell us about you the title would be everlasting touch mom and that the blurb on the back would have to be that S. the legacy is is is that compassion kindness connection %HESITATION embassy those and and love those are the things that that Kerry that that Kerry throughout human civil realization it's it's intrinsic of who we are it's it's wired in our DNA and %HESITATION and that's that's the touch that you know it goes through our address there are children it goes through us through people that we connect with I feel it through you and through and through the night you know it's it's the human value them up today how would you want to be remembered though as a person like what would you want the fasting that when somebody mentions your name that they say oh we can be yes she is sincere mmhm I think sincerity is something that people cannot imitate yeah or pretend sincerity sincerity hello love that thank you can release so %HESITATION so suddenly that she does bring this to the the end of the show is actually been one of my favorite shows and like I said this is a segment in here which really touch my heart and I've read so much just having this fifty minute conversation with you and I'll definitely show to kind of follow your Jenny but what I want to do is give the audience a chance to connect with you as well because I I think your fascinating %HESITATION individual I think you you bring so much so much good into the world nothing you can do so much more as well moving forward so if you wouldn't mind if you could just kind of give us the best places where people can perhaps reach out to you connect with you %HESITATION maybe just follow your Jenny sorry yes I am on Instagram as at Jackson K. ten I'd spell J. A. C. K. S. O. N. the number one zero and I also have another handle Instagram called you are the wealth that's also the name of one of my businesses and %HESITATION I have a pod my podcast this call you are the wealthy can find it on all the podcast platforms as well and yeah that that the you are the well this is something that I recently created because again the self awareness in the self worth is something that I believe needs to be cultivated and and everyone and %HESITATION damp that damn on Twitter is you are the well I'm not much on Facebook so you'll find me on Instagram or Twitter and then I have the podcast but but those are %HESITATION that that's enough for me I think I spread myself too thin the family absolutely absolutely nothing you doing at TI much anyway although I say I say that in a positive way because everything the duties of the fantastic so thank you thank you for sharing those can be all set order the information in the show notes so on how the actual links there for anyone that needs to click on it I want to once again from the ball my hot thank can be for a time today more importantly everyone a hold thanks for listening thank you and thank you for what you're doing as well it's much needed thank you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day Adversity Hurricane Katrina Loss of parents Self awareness
"Happiness abound" by Taylor Proctor #29Tagline: "We are all capable of happiness abound"What an incredible episode this was. If I am completely honest and share my own vulnerabilities with this particular interview, I feel I wasn't at my best. I felt Taylor touched on so many things that resonated with me and reminded me of how far I still have to go on my journey that it almost became a self realisation exercise. This then threw me off course as it may be noticeable in the episode, but what it didn't do was throw Taylor off who delivered incredible value. It is for reason I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to have connected with Taylor who I believe will truly teach you all something tangible and useful to take away in your lives.I know for one, I will be implementing the CLEAR model myself to move my own personal development forward and I hope you can all do this too. She is an incredible woman, who also openly admits to not being this way her whole life and that it has been a process for her.I genuinely believe the tangible steps and tips that Taylor shares just in this episode alone can make you all happier, and let's be honest who doesn't want more happiness in their life eh?More importantly for anyone who can relate to the anger issues, perhaps this may also give you a huge insight in to why we are the way we are.Some key discussion points:How to control your angerSelf loveCLEAR modelEmbracing the processRemember whatever you are going through in life today, that you are 'not broken'. We can all heal, and we and grow as Taylor shows and shares in her beautiful story and also don't stop learning here. Go and support her and follow her podcast and journey in the links below:Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhSLinks to me:Website: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6yLinks to Taylor Proctor:Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/taylor.proctor.31Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/happiness_abound/?hl=enWebsite: https://www.happinessabound.comYouTube Transcript:welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode a fine your voice my name is art and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today Taylor proctor to the show and tell you is actually an experience podcasting fought she's had three hundred plus episodes so it's certainly recommend after this episode of course you go and check out her podcast but what really got me fascinated by Taylor this story into trying to get her on the show was that she teaches happiness but when I head out though well basically I would be happy also secondly wouldn't it be great if we can take the mind of somebody who does this for a living and then give that to you guys so you can walk away at least after this episode was something tangible is something that you can if you are feeling low or if you are in a situation where you are unable to control your emotions how some thing practical that you can utilize and that's what you want me in Taylor spoke about but more importantly I think you're gonna find her story very interesting because hopping this wasn't something that you would always associate with Taylor in fact it was anger and not without spoiling anything else I think this is probably a good time to jump over to the show okay fantastic so I just wanna start the show today then bye thank you my wonderful guest who's from the states her name is Taylor and we ought to just speaking just before I started this interview that was that you store can at full potential guest on Instagram and the thing that she stuck out for me from her by well was that she had the transformational happiness mental in her bio I'm not just got me thinking I thought you know what I need I need a bit of that and more point I'm sure so my listeners could or would do with a dose of happiness so that was kind of the reason I reached out to Taylor and I do thank you for taking time out of a day SO of seat time constraints it's the morning there so blessed issues first thing she's having to listen to is my voice this morning so thank you Taylor for coming on the show and how you doing today I'm doing fantastic thank you so much for having me on I'm so excited and honored and delighted to be here well you're very welcome and likewise I'm very excited to is off because as with anyone in the world I'm sure happiness is definitely one of the things that we will aim for it is one of my goals in life so hopefully by the end of this episode will be smiling and enjoy the rest of our days but before I carry on rumbling I really think it's important for the listeners in the audience to really get to know you a little bit so if you wouldn't mind if you could just kind of give us a bit of a history about your story and how you've kind of going through life I suppose to almost not become a transformational happiness mental absolutely so I was a very very angry person and I was the kind of person that there's there's a phrase a a group playing basketball and it was %HESITATION on my wall there was that the phrase it says hell hath no fury like five women on a fast break which is the basketball it was it was awesome and but when I look at this eight three angry time in my life which was in my early to mid twenties I it's the phrase hell hath no fury like Taylor minor league minor league inconvenienced because I would be I mean any small thing and I would just lose it I would be so %HESITATION three and there was a situation that really highlighted my need for emotional management where I and I sure the story to really truly highlight like the level of anger that lived in my life at the time I was on my way to a craft store and there was a parking spot available and I was patiently waiting like the person was backing out so I was patiently waiting I had my indicator on and it was just like the movies where the person pulls out and then someone else before they can even drive forward pulls into the spot and I was like this this just happen in real life like I've been waiting for like two minutes I've been indicating I've been waiting patiently the person's pulled out that's my spot and the entitlements the anger the aggression came through and I lost it I was screaming at the top of my lungs flipping them off honking my horn like crazy and I it like and they just stayed in the car rightfully so because there's this crazy angry person screaming at them and I there was the parking spot when around this corner and like so there is the way there is the pathway up the parking spot and then the main road kind of went around the corner of this parking spot and so I had to go around this main road so I'm honking at them and flipping them off for a good couple of more than a couple feet because I have to go around behind them around to the side of them and around in front of them to go back into the parking lot and it was it was a front row spot by the way it's I wasn't getting angry for something in the back right yeah who who who would do that also I I pulled around a parked in my spot clear clear down at the end and I'm walking forward and they pull out of the spot they didn't even get out of their car they didn't even go into the store and they pull out of the spot and they drive past me and they're a roll down the window and they say hope you're happy now and I was like like I had never in my life wished for I'm here in the states we have US seven elevens and they have what's called big gulps would you like I think they're thirty two ounce things of soda I don't drink soda I've never purchased one I have never in my life one one so bad to throw through that and so I was very very angry person about something that's really so minor and I go I go into the store and I everything just starts like swirling and I'm shaking because there are several things that happened right there is that initial anger that the trigger and then I felt scared because what if they had gotten another car well what I have done right what if what if when they're driving past me now I'm walking on on the parking lot they're driving past me where they just hit me with their great big SUV right so there's just there's this anger and then there's this fear that takes over me and then there's this this shame and guilt that hits me because it's like oh my gosh I'm not person I feel so out of control and I feel so guilty that I I just kinda lost it on the complete stranger that really probably didn't even see that I was waiting right yeah and and then there's the shame of I let my emotions gain control of like I I lost control of myself and just let my emotions run wild and it could have turned into a very dangerous situation and then I was like then sadness creep in because I don't even know who I am at that point man I can't you can't even recognize myself and so when I say I was an angry person it is no exaggeration and truthfully it's it's a %HESITATION in a space of I just was out of control I had no emotional management no no emotional awareness and something as much of a minor inconvenience of walking a couple extra feet from a parking stall several stalls down set me off and so at that point in amongst many others I decided that I need to start making a change so I started with just being aware of my emotions I started trying to really see where that anger in my life was coming from and for awhile there it was this Peter tauter if you well of anger and sheer and they would go back and forth because it would be I'd be so angry because that was my defense mechanism it wasn't it wasn't flight or freeze it was always fight and so when I was scared and I was scared of being vulnerable I was scared of being happy I was scared of being seen and so I would get into fight mode which would be anger so is this teeter totter of me always being angry always trying to fight the fear when in reality I just need to become aware of my of my possibilities and I need to realize that I wasn't broken because I looked around and I saw so many people who seem so happy and didn't have these this anger that I had or this fear or this anxiety that kind of was creeping in they didn't have these things that I could see and so then you know we grow up and were like oh you know everybody just everyone so happy and why am I not happy I'm broken so I started to feel like I was broken and there is something wrong with me and it wasn't until I started to really putting in the work and understanding that I'm not broken but we're also not just inherently happy and I think that's a big thing right we feel like we should be inherently happy and when when we're not we feel like we're broken and when we feel like we're broken we feel like we're lost and we feel like we're lost we fall into depressions we fall into despair we let our emotions control last so I started putting in the work and started realizing that I actually was capable of moving forward it capable of not being anger angry capable of not not being afraid of vulnerability and when that started to happen I started to gain confidence and realize that I was capable of having happiness abounds in my life and then that has become my mission and the name of my my business and my podcast is to remind people that they are capable of happiness abound self into state thank you so much for sharing that and you probably know is that through the %HESITATION was always resonates so much with your story to tell you that because one of the things I really dislike about myself is my inability to control my anger and I can be the most relaxed laid back person ever and I'm kind of sherry mobile nobody's now in this in this episode which was never the intention but I'd almost news and the thing you said about the broken bat I can resonate so much with that because and I look back at myself or look at the person in the mirror and I think that's not the best knower to be that's not the past now wake up every day and I try to be and I try to live my life the right way but in the state of frustration and aggression and I mean you mentioned a simple example they have a simple cost base I get those moments and I think you hit the nail on the head when you said entitlement not something to gain on you too obviously working myself with because I'm sure people listen to this will resonate as well my city the whole when you lose control and you sit back and then you have that feeling of shame as you mentioned it's not a great place to be in so thank you for asking for sharing that because the premise of the show was to tell people that whatever they going through in their life whatever Adventist useful because it is not alone and if I may ask have you got any quick on on no we could obviously speak about this for I was but just quick tips that you can recommend to somebody like myself or somebody else listed when you get into that state of frustration so for example after this episode if you go to seven eleven in your back pocket and somebody could see what what's your first reactions %HESITATION you'll method so there's a model called the clear model okay and it it stands for circumstance language emotion action and results I'll say that one more time please the it's the clear model and it stands for C. circumstance L. language E. emotion a action our results okay and an understanding of this model will change everything so essentially every circumstance in your life is neutral it's just a circumstance it's your language that you use speaking to yourself so your thoughts and your language that change it from a positive to a negative either way right and when we saw use the parking the parking style so the person stealing the spot neutral my idiot jump to my thoughts of and this is it specifically yeah I have been waiting I've been indicating that is my spot who is that are you take my spot and think that you can do this like those are all that that's the language I'm using and that's a language of entitlement that's a language of victim right and so that's that's sparks emotions because I feel like I'm the victim so I feel like I'm getting attacked I feel like something's not going my way therefore I'm getting afraid so that that sparked the language or the emotion of fear and the emotion of fear sparks for me because it's my template that I work through every day my next emotion of anger which then as I said it sparks the emotions of shame and guilt and sadness as well nobody likes to feel those so that continues to spark the emotion of anger to hide those so your circumstances neutral your language that you're using around the circumstance in your thoughts is what sparks the emotions the emotions spark action so I was angry so my action was is that I decided to drive my car around them and flip them off honk my horn be screaming at the top of my lungs and taking action that could trigger them and I think it kind of did because then when they came out they drove past me decide to go with me on a little bit more and then then the result of that was everything as I stood in this craft store everything kind of spinning around me as I felt this wave of emotions this guilt the shame and the real result was that this was a turning point that I need to change my life so understanding that the language we like if we go back up we crawl back up that tear the circumstances neutral is the language we have around it that shift everything else so if I go into a seven eleven this afternoon which is really funny it's it's a holiday here were recording on the fourth of July which is here an independence day and so it's totally American thing to go get a Slurpee %HESITATION but if I was to go do that and someone pulled into my spot ma'am my first thought might be seriously and then I go back through I go through the model and so I'm like can you change my thoughts and like you know what maybe they're in a rush maybe they're on their way to go do something %HESITATION and they need to to fill up on gas they need to go run in and pay for it first and I'm not in a hurry it's okay no big deal and that changes that changes everything because the next thing you know your emotions are okay cool well I'm not gonna let it ruin my day and there's a spot over there I'll just drive a little further and I could use the extra exercise and walking and that's great and so then the the actions of that is I walk a little extra maybe I smile at them when I as a walking past them as they walk out and my result is that my day is not ruined by somebody else's actions because like if I eat all the way back up the ladder controlled my thought absolutely honest Britain us this really well explained as well so it's quite easy to remember nine out and I was going to follow in that process and I can do a hundred percent see where I get lost in it as well I also can relate to your anger and fear I think and I think I'm very similar to you so even with the whole store in this podcast the anxiety when I'm in a situation where I'm struggling wrong vulnerable I don't have a freeze response or maybe I do but I never choose to use always have the flight response as well so just having not yeah pro says that you just expand on I'm definitely gonna use not myself and hopefully not feeling %HESITATION ashamed of myself when I lose my temper so thank you so much for sharing that and how long has this proces taking you to regain control of it because I I think I heard you say earlier that you do this every day is that right %HESITATION yes so I worked in the clear model every day I talk about happiness in my life every week day on my podcast so it's a daily ends but this process overall has taken me about five years to be able to get to a point where I'm like there it is like I got I got rear ended the other day and that's another situation where like I'm not expecting this to happen if I'm not emotionally managed in that moment things go south and I'd like to recommend I use a technique called decked declarations okay and I actually teach a course on it's available online on my site but I use declarations every single day to help me control the language that I'm using in my brain to then work that model so well it's taken me five years to fully grasp and understand and be able to change my patterns and my templates from instant anger and victim in entitlement thoughts to happy calm and dare I say grace right offering grace for other people as well as for myself right because that's part of that same thing that's part of that that feeling that guilt is you're like wow like I'm such a terrible person when you can try to give yourself grace through the language that you use understanding that now this is an opportunity for me to learn and to grow and I'm grateful for that and that can lead to grace for yourself which then also leads to grace for other people which also leads to being less angry at at situations that don't necessarily warrant it so I use declarations I'd be happy to share with you mine that you specifically when I got rear ended the other day yeah if you wouldn't mind please sure so my declaration is I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundant and filled with light and when I can say that when I can change my language to who I want to be it can the gate to the anger of who I used to be who I once was so when in the situation of getting rid ended I got rear ended pulled over and I was like oh my gosh like usually my first my first phrase is really yeah I'm like is this really happening right now and the like nope that's that's not who I want to be yeah I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundant filled with light I get out of the car and like Hey are you okay and the woman was was not she was okay but she was a little terse with me and seemed irritated that she rear ended me and my car was okay her car was okay like I'm okay she's okay and I'm like you know like that's fine like we we can just go our own ways and like she laughed and I that's a moment where in the past I would been mad that I got rear ended I would be really bad that it seemed like she had no remorse whatsoever but instead I'm like no I will I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundance and full of light if I'm if that's who I want to be especially in that instance there the full of light that doesn't mean I have very much space for anger and I can use that to transform my language to transfer my emotions to transfer my actions and to give me different results that's incredible he should be very very proud of your transformation and even just in this very short segment nine is giving me massive food for thought and hopefully people listed of just how we should try and at least work on ourselves to give ourselves grace I think that was a really important thing that you touched on so %HESITATION fantastic so you're probably are suppose just actually going back to the instance the womb was probably expecting a reaction from you and I suppose I think you have that as well when it's almost a shock factor when you're expecting someone dropped a set way and then they they handle it in a supposing you Taylor's way we just Grayson just happy to see you almost think it is personal right yeah absolutely because it's here's the thing it's so against the norm like I'm I'm just gonna say this right now like emotional management is nothing that we are taught and it's so against the norm that when we do see someone who is in a space of managing their emotions and in a space of positivity because of that then it wears us out like this is this is a call it out right it weird you out but then you also are like there's something there's something different about them and here's the thing we're all unique but sends a motional management is so outside the norm when you can be a person who is in control of their emotions and this is not saying I am positive and happy one thousand percent the time yeah I'm I'm a human negative emotions happen but I know how to manage and work through them so they don't control my life but when someone has that people are drawn to that opportunities come up that you would never have before jobs relationships this to speak on podcast like you and I found each other on social media we don't know each other personally here we are having a great conversation that is I was an angry bitter person you probably wouldn't have even %HESITATION file right told listens to some of your videos and I purchase in the decorations previously on one of your posts as well I'm not that fascinates me when this people who I can learn from and I think if I could learn something from them hi I hope my audience kind as well so I hundred percent agree but it's not the norm is a I mean I feel like we're in a society of just robots and you get the odd person like yourself you just fans are a little bit from everybody else and and to me especially I find that fascinating and %HESITATION I'm hoping now obviously myself through my Jenny I can try and express ways to help other people but I hope people that listen to you and for you after this episode as well can take on some of the lessons that you shed which %HESITATION which which are really really useful so thank you so much for sharing that thank you I'm just on that then so you've actually got quite an orthodox lie so I remember going to school and you either going to be a doctor an accountant or school some kind of profession I suppose you come out of %HESITATION college or university from you are not here as an entrepreneur you've got your own business you briefly mentioned that you've got courses on your website as well so what's a day like for you so I do have a sideline job as well so my day looks like this so I am currently participating in what's called the seventy five hard challenge so I'm participating in that so I wake up in the morning I do my vision board work and my declarations I a then feed my dogs I make breakfast for myself and then I read for the active ten pages of reading it day taking notes highlighting etcetera then I go back to my office and I journal and meditate put on my shoes take my dogs for a forty five minute walk outside come back get ready well I take about if I take about a fifteen minute nap and then I get rid I get ready and then I come to my podcast ideo which is actually my mess of a closet but it's great for sound dampening ands I record my podcasts record video at the same time then I upload that and then I drive to work at my day job where I am a marketing director I lied three teams and do that throughout the day then I come home and depending on the day that can be a breakdown of working on my business I also do one on one mentoring so working with clients of one on one depending on the day that they scheduled and then time with my my husband my spouse and then it's usually too bad so that's that's the day looks like it's feels pretty full when I've listed all out like that I really really enjoy it and I'll I honestly I love my life which is something that I couldn't have said five years ago mmhm I'm glad that you do and if if I may then so the last five years of observing good T. come we touch on a time limit vesti for yourself and maybe the lessons that you gain from that absolutely so about four years ago so I was still really angry it was not a great time I we had a family emergency both fall my husband and I mmhm and it resulted in my husband having to to travel and I essentially living alone for about a year and a half and in that still was able to communicate with my husband everything's great but in that was really my first time ever being really truly alone and I woods and maybe this this may or may not resonate for for your listeners depending on where their apps but this was what my it's really interesting so we just went through my daily routine is now let me tell you what my daily routine is was then so I would get up late I would kind of get ready I would go to I would go to work I would be miserable at work I would come home I would grab some food sit down on the couch turn on TV scroll through social media at the same time while I was eating and I would do that for about six hours the are you still watching or you know the continuous play auto play and I would say I would be eating that entire time I'd be scrolling on Facebook or Instagram Pinterest name the social media site I'd be doing that and I would stay up later than I probably should of and so then I would go to bed late and the cycle would continue and I did that for about nine months I gains twenty pounds I was a mess and I there's this there's these deals that they do it occurred the grocery stores here where they have the the Betty Crocker and it's very specific Betty Crocker Betty Crocker whipped vanilla buttercream frosting and again %HESITATION %HESITATION and they do they do ten for ten and so I would go to the store and I would get the ten for ten deal and not that I recommend this but it's very delicious when you put them in the freezer it's like ice cream that's amazing anyways I would I would do the ten for ten I put them in my freezer and every ten days I need to go re stock like I was eating a can of frosting a day like the sugar and the over eating and he social media scrolling and %HESITATION watching TV I was offering so hard for my emotions of loneliness and isolation and anxiety and fear of like what was going to happen and and all these things in my first time ever really truly truly being alone and that was a really really hard time and about nine months nine months into that year and a half something something switched and it's really funny because I couldn't identify it before and then I was being interviewed another podcast and this story came up in a different capacity and I realize what the trigger had been for me is that I I have a dog and I make I make jokes that this dog in particular I have two soulmates one as my husband and one is this dog like I I love this I love him so much and he was there with me and I took him to the backs for his annual and that was like %HESITATION she is really overweight it turns out that well I was gaining twenty pounds she right yeah she gains twenty pounds and so it was like okay we got like I love this dog more than more than myself at this point and I we need to get some stuff together so we started doing agility and I was like I this was in October and around November I was like TV is a problem for me I am majorly addicted so I'm gonna do I correct crafted my own challenge of no Netflix November a lot that I highly recommend it it's really hard in November because that's when all the good shows go out but I did know Netflix November and it changed everything because I realize I was book ending my routines with I would come home turn on the TV eat for hours do social media for hours watch TV for hours and that was the trigger that kept me in the cycle when I stop watching TV holy smokes the free time I had and I realize I wasn't hungry for dinner I wasn't hungry for frosting I wasn't hungry well I was trying to buy for my emotions and I found I didn't scroll on social media as much either I started going out and doing things I started reading more I started doing all these things that TV took that time and was essentially keeping me down and just because I was relying on it to help me by for my emotions instead of being aware of them and sitting in them so well I had done the work for anger I had figured out the work for loneliness and for fear and for sadness and for missing my old life and prior to this incident and so after that nine months in that jump start of being like I need to I need to get it in gear not only for me but for this dog that I absolutely love things started to change and that's when that's when my life as you said the it was really like the four years but I wrap it up in a five year time for because the anger thing did happen before but when you say the five years have been have obviously been good to me no stuff that happens but I just decided not to let it control me yeah yeah this powerful I would say the thing that I've learned the most out of that experience is that well really it's the clear model right every situation is your role as the thoughts that we have that lead to the emotions that lead to the actions that give us the results absolutely I think I am at Mylan I'm not sure if you're aware of him is awfully says life doesn't happen to you happens for you and that's kind of like a summary of basically what you expend a yours is a lot more concise and something a bit more practical that we can all use but just in relation to the story I mean it's fantastic because I just wanna thank you for sharing that vulnerability there about about your life and how you the truth of what was actually like and even now you're still saying not everyday is perfect because it's difficult when people after the show will come and kick on your profile and though he you speaking on your Instagram live videos and looking at your post it's difficult to think is this the same person because the transformation just trying to picture what you would like to just sit in there on Netflix to wait person that you are not an Aston credible and that's kind of what they should show a gain it is about so %HESITATION you're in such a great place that it's gonna be difficult for people to connect the dots of the it's not really the same Taylor that was on the episodes it is exciting for me because I'm I literally thought there are some people out there who are consistently happy all the time but then I will I'm starting to think what's this story because I do believe that everyone has a story and there's always something that's happened in their life in order to kind of change that perception I suppose and I guess yours was just your dog at the start having something that you cared for more than yourself to kind of bring you out of that rut %HESITATION and hopefully now it's more about yourself and helping other people and you won't need to focus externally and more so just try to focus on yourself one hundred percent I attended a conference last week and they had everybody right like their their top three the top three things that they they spend their time on and that they that they love and they're like okay how many people said family now raise their hand how many people said said spouse raise their hand and they were like now how many of you said yourself yeah and there were three of us in the room out of the room of a hundred and this is a room of a hundred people who are self help absolutely a very technical term their self help me but what use that one yeah there was there was three of us and it was number one on my list like it was the first thing I wrote down of what do I care about who do I care about what do I love what is a priority in my life and I would really challenge us like if yes my dog was it a key indicator that on the loneliness part and the over eating in the emotional buffering but still it came down to myself on the anger in the originals thing and I think we've been styled societally coached if you will that looking out looking out for your self is selfish but the thing is is that your life like you are your own best friend you are in your head all the time your body is with you one hundred percent of the time so if you are not looking out for yourself and I mean that in the most positive way absolutely right if you're not aware of your emotions if you're not looking at your routines and going okay I go to work I come home I watch TV I eat I scroll I go to bed that is my life every single day do I want more you have to like do I want more and then taking the steps to do that and being okay with that back nagging feeling that this might be selfish and at that point you use your declarations who do I want to be well I want to be an intuitive mentor whose vibrant abundant and full of light I have to become that person nobody else is gonna become that person for me so I need to focus on myself and have that that quote unquote selfishness it is so powerful enough in the way that you just said it would there was it was so beautiful and white with you now I think we should go out to challenge ourselves to kind of love ourselves faced %HESITATION and and it's it's weird because a bit of a personal story about going to drive it too much but my mom suffered with them quite depression she still does for about eight years and as he was saying that she was a fence posts that come into my head because her whole life is predicated on serving the people it always has been and it probably always will be less of a second almost challenger to kind of voice office and as much as me or my siblings or family and friends kind of tell eight you need to start looking after yourself and start to fill up your cook fast it just never seems to be her priority and it's always let me do this for someone so let's let me do this for this person I don't know it just it just resonated so much with me the odd I genuinely believe that she prioritize their life as she had even more to give because she's a very selfish person anyway nothing especially if we're giving people we have a call I nature we feel that we should always give I kind of feel of the people's Cup so fast but you just hit the nail on the head there one of the key things of your need to try and do as we go through this journey of life and trying to figure out what we actually have four is is to work on ourselves phase so this really hit me I like I said Tyler this is this is an incredible episode for me on a selfish level because I feel like I'm getting mastermind coaching from an expat half to may be happy so thank you so much a gate it's you were entering lawful and actually I wanna and I don't mean this in a in a bragging sense but I do want to ask you because you said this so am I providing value to you in this discussion one hundred percent if I had not focused on myself no I would not be sitting here talking to you being able to provide that value to you now city absolutely so really I love that you brought that up about about your mother or it really can be about anybody it's way easier to focus on everyone else then the focus on ourselves but you are spot on we cannot give to others and last we are comfortable and loving and supporting ourselves first spread I'll only get on then to another question I always like to ask people what show current biggest fear not stagnation K. I and it's not a matter of always be moving right there's there's another type of emotional buffering which is busy and it's not like that it's it's stagnation in the sense of I believe we're we're gonna go deep here for second I I believe my personal purpose is to learn and to grow I believe that's my internal purpose my external purpose is to be able to share with other people and reminded them that they are capable of happiness about so I have two purposes one is my internal and that directly correlates to my external but I my internal is I believe I am here on this earth to learn and grow as much as I can so my biggest fear is stagnation because if I am stagnant and I'm not learning and growing I'm not living my purpose absolutely so bring it on send this one a gain the I resonate with but looking at this five years ago I mean you would've been in a completely different state even myself I mean I feel like I do a lot of self development I do a lot of waking up myself I tried but this is been something unique to myself because maybe it's because of the I'm getting that we touched on at the beginning and not gain a hope as people listen to this you probably got the same kind of situation is me because on the outside a might always seem like I have my composure about me but there's a lot of things that I do need to work on my %HESITATION myself is also yeah that's that's the grants and I'm I'm sure that this happened is about and movement that you're craving %HESITATION will continue to expand I'm just on the actually then if you if you wouldn't mind so we muzzle but in not just before we go to the fun part of the show if people want to do the work with you all to learn more about yourself and more about this happened is a binding how would they be able to connect with you sure so I have a website happiness abounds dot com and I should be very clear it's happiness abound singular not abounds %HESITATION so happiness abound dot com and that has links to all of my social but you can find me on Facebook at happiness abound blog and Instagram at happiness underscore abound I also I'm on YouTube IG TV so and then the podcast is on most major listening podcast platforms so if you to search happiness abound I usually come up and video or audio options and then on my site you can also check out my courses that are available online and yes I do do one on one mentoring and would love to work with someone who maybe is struggling with anger and wants to be happier absolutely absolutely I mean he doesn't want to be happy SO and we are not on that no actually gonna go into the phone part of the show so this is something that you have no idea what's going to happen I'm ready okay fantastic we're gonna start in three two one okay what did you eat for breakfast a shake your biggest gift my biggest gift for myself as my drive if you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine what would it be less naps I love nap the ability to fly %HESITATION be invisible fly would you rather have a re one button or many of fame money because you can make more of an impact with money and that could lead to fame absolutely your proudest moment cool we come back to that one yes show your favorite food oranges not fix the chief the colonel the answer the answer is neither okay they're they're both rabbit holes of addiction for me so I try to stay away okay your number one goal this year my number one goal this year is to have a month where I have ten thousand downloads of my podcast your favorite TV show ever I really like mash would you rather know how you would die when you were dying when your favorite hobby talking about happiness love among the love book so me these thanks if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour who would it be Oprah you wish there as a child being stolen your favorite place in the world redwood forests in California equal languages we'll be able to speak to animals speak to animals if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be self hate it's the root cause of everything and finally we're gonna go back to the question that you passed on your proudest moment that one okay my proudest moment I have I have lots this is not a choice of like %HESITATION what should I choose like or I don't have any it's like there's so many I because I do try to recognize these moments of my life I think my proudest moment to date is that I I had that I wanted to become a I a life coach in the back of my mind for really really really long time and part of that was I wanted to take a course reiki to become certified and they're expensive and so one of the proudest moments is kind of a a two for one I was attending a conference that I highly respect and I was like man I would love to do their coaching program and get certified and I just passed the paper along because I'd affordability and we had just paid off a huge amount of down our credit cards and my husband was with me and he's never at conferences with me like this was his first one and we go to lunch and he's like so how can you turn that how can you just pass the papers down as like all we can afford I can't afford we have a separate budget like personally that we have a family budget I like I can't afford it and he's like we can and we can do it in cash as we head off all of our debt and I was like what we can and he's like yes and we should then you should you need to I know this is something you really wanted and so we like rushed back from lunch I signed up so that was a really proud moment but then then the work comes in and and it was very intensive and I think my proudest moment as when I finished because it was a very it was it was a large group of people I think it was like seventy five in the main group and then we had the segmented off into smaller groups to do it was daily phone calls daily homework we had to create this entire binder thing I had to mentor ten individuals a minimum of three times and put them through a mentoring program to become certified in this three month period he was very intensive and of my small group where there were six of us talking every day only two of us actually finished and so I am really proud to you should be a certified transformational happiness mentor and so my proudest my proudest moment her proudest memory today is is getting that certification and having that dream had been in the back of my mind for years finally country western testing you should be proud and when you say that dream was in the back of your mind for ages how long are we talking I mean how's saving others so being able to influence people in a positive way it's been at the back of your mind situate child or was it something that we see as you were going through your own transformation you thought I would love for other people to feel this way actually it was neither I when I was a child I had a myriad of like I will be doing a lot of different things and it's really funny because today I do a lot of different things but I it wasn't after my journey either it was actually before okay and I was listening to a Tony Robbins CD and I don't remember what he asked I just remember I was by myself it was late at night I was listening to it and I think he has something like what do you want to do and I was like I wanna be it a coach I want to help people and I start falling and because it just felt so right and like I can actually do that which when we have dreams and things like I want to do that and at the time I was not emotionally managed I was a mess and it felt so far away but it felt so right that I just was overcome by like tears of joy and so a lot of those trials and things have helped me become who I am today so that I can help people put it in the back of my mind and I had I had started like a blog and stop and start and stop and start and stop because I felt like it had to be this perfect story yeah elle of of beginning middle and end and now I'm happy and that just contributed even more to my thought that I had to be inherently happy because I would listen to other podcasts and people would have a beginning middle and end and now they're happy and I'd like I can't even see an end in sight like I must be broke and I must be wrong something's not right with me and so any time I started to try and move in that direction of this goal I would stop myself because I wasn't perfect and the perfectionism really hit hard and so through the emotional management and all those things and then the grace that tends to come with that that really helped with my perfectionism and I actually started my podcast before I became certified and I feel like that had a lot to do with it because when I started my podcast I was like I was going to one a month and start slow and then the pressure that every hit recovering perfectionist here every hit had to be a home run there's only one a month yeah right and I'd be worn out and burned out on it because of all the emotional stress of it had to be perfect and I discovered that the thing that would work for me is if I could talk about it every day because then I could share my journey in real time and and show that I'm a real person struggling with this and you might be struggling with the two and here's what I'm going to try or here's what I was struggling with yesterday and here's what I what I tried and it works for me maybe it can work for you and getting over that perfectionist mentality in the podcast I really believe set me up to be able to become certified and help other people see that as well and I had to go through that journey before I could ever have just felt like yeah I can be a coach right so yeah it was in the back of my mind before all the work happens but I would not when you asked like rewind or pause I would not change anything in my life up today I would love to pause and be more in the moment and enjoy where I'm at now yeah yeah all this again so many things I can probably relate to on that so I used to with perfection is a bunch of ana until recently when I realized that she was perfection %HESITATION being a perfectionist that was the cause of all my procrastination I mean don't get anything done so %HESITATION even the one thing that I really enjoyed as a child was me because the system would sit there with an old cassette player which had a microphone attached to the side of it and we would record radio shows pretty much all day after school and I just enjoy speaking on a radio show and then somewhere from my teens to all the way through my twenties and saw you kind of can see my life and I really struggle in terms of getting out there and I became a real introvert and it's only in totally true this yet as we mentioned before we start this part as well so you know this part custom thing I'm just gonna try it and what what's the worst that could happen this doctor pepper it basically and %HESITATION I I've enjoyed it so much as it's been a JD I'm so people can listen to my first episode and realize that I am a lot more Davis then published today I mean I'm still nervous today but I think that vulnerability one that you're showing on your daily podcasts and why I hope people can see from my part because he's a whenever gonna be perfect and the whole process that's with a view you lie so I enjoy connecting with people I would never normally see walking down the road like yourself I mean this is a conversational enjoyed it so much is and I would never have had this opportunity if I hadn't of just bit the bullet and just come for it so I definitely age people whenever is in life that they want to do is just to kind of just try it because if you're anything like me I love a try and if I could see someone trying always I was trying to reform is I don't think that will retreat for you as well yeah that's just my little of inspiration off it to this podcast I completely agree I think I think that two things progress over perfection and then there is power and beauty in slow progress because part of the reason that we give up or like once we do start then we stop is because we feel like it's not happening fast enough but the power in the beauty that can come to you through that slower progress is everything I should just ask you to say because I'm their billing on and you said it so eloquently sub now %HESITATION yours was you were fantastic I was very I was very inspired also why I was being a little like I totally agree thank you okay but is so we're actually almost at the end of the show and I suddenly I and the just a few things I want to ask you before we close the show tell if that's okay and the next question is about reflection and always feel it's important that we speak about this because this is where the lessons I learned so I'm I'm a family even a hindsight teaches us a lot of things you can do just ways that we can get to places quicker easier with less heartache so what I want to know is knowing everything that you know if you could go back to a younger Taylor and whisper something into it yeah maybe do in a circumstance where she's may be feeling vulnerable %HESITATION just unsure of what she's going in life what would you say I would say you are capable of happiness abound because I I felt like I wasn't I felt like I was broken like I was wrong and I felt like I wasn't capable of happiness in my life and now I know that I am definitely a yeah and can I just ask the feeling that you said that you felt like you were broken was that your own feelings or was that an external influence as well %HESITATION hybrids okay right you you see other people that look like they have it all together and when you don't you feel like there's something wrong with you you see and constantly here like you should be happy or that happiness is the ultimate goal so when you're not and you're not viewing your life that you're human you're gonna have negative emotions in you just do it that your broken instead you don't feel like you're you don't feel like you're capable and I think that's a big a big thing and I teach this to the people I I mentor and I call a my clients because until you can feel like you are like you have to do some of the work to feel like you're capable and when you feel like you're capable you gain confidence and when you gain confidence you feel qualified and when you feel qualified you can conquer the world city I left a message thank you and that she's going to bring this to the last question nine which is something I gain I ask all of my guests which is if in a hundred and fifty years science has to save us someone no longer here and all that exists is a book and this book is about you Taylor and it's got all the way in a wonderful things that you've done in life and basically your whole story what would the bled the summary at the back of it how the pace and looking to pick that up and what with the title of the book she discovered she was capable of happiness abounds and reminded others they were capable of it too is the blurb and the title would probably be happiness about nice is simple I love it this powerful thank you so much for sharing that and we have already done the the social media plugs for yourself but I would definitely as people to father tied up on his social media platform a gain all I will definitely be doing that a bit more myself we just realized actually before this podcast that you have a podcast Televisa anywhere else that people can contact you or is Instagram probably the best place and your website I yeah Instagram in my website are probably the best website is the easiest because it has links to everywhere else so you can find me on multiple spaces ends yeah be sure to reach out I would love to hear from you thank you Taylor and for everyone else at home thanks for listening thank you that was really fun and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
"Think Carefully" by Pete Sanga #28Tagline: "How cancer and thoughts can change your world for the better"It is almost like we wait for something bad to happen to wake us up. For us to really take life serious and realise each day we lose, we will never gain again. Each second we spend not being grateful, happy or fulfilled is a second wasted. Yet when something bad happens, we can sometimes have a realisation that life is important, precious and beautiful.Pete Sanga shares his story of how cancer and controlling his thoughts has massively changed his life and future. He speaks of tangible tips we can all use and incorporate to live a life of happiness, gratitude and fulfilment without having to go through cancer like he did.A truly remarkable individual who gave off a beautiful energy and had an infectious aura about him. Someone much wiser than me with experience I was grateful to have received.Some key discussion points:Cancer being a giftThe importance of your thoughts.How to change your thoughts.Practical positive daily routines.Understanding that we control more of our life than we think.Age is nothing but a number.I urge you to listen to this all the way through and implement some practical steps and tips that you can do for FREE in 10 minutes or less a day to really help you move forward in your life. These tips and tricks aren't just for cancer survivors, or people who have overcome adversity. They can and should be important practices we all take on in our life to truly make the most of this short amount of time we have on this earth.Let's all start to find our voice today and write our own stories.Let's leave our mark on this earth before it's too late.Remember tomorrow never comes.Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhSLinks to me:Website: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6yLinks to Pete Sanga:Amazon business Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Sanga-Aromatherapy-oils-2383077878401459/Amazon businesss link: https://amzn.to/2xkLdXEFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/pete.sanga YouTube transcript[Music] welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who has overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself mr. Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning in to another episode of fine your voice my name is Aaron and as always I am the host of the show so sitting here thinking before I released this podcast why is it that we always need something bad to happen in our lives for us to appreciate the good things or even the smaller things the more beautiful things that we often take for granted and maybe this is just a human trait but it's something that I'm trying to get through in this movement I find your voice is that I want you guys to start living right now and I want you to find something that fulfills you I want you to be happy I want to live in gratitude you see I put these stories out here for you guys to listen to not to make you feel miserable or to feel sad or start to cry I put these stories out there to show you how lucky you are you see we are all very blessed and we're all very lucky if we choose to see it that way you see living in a moment of gratitude is fantastic but living a day a week a month a year in fact your whole life in gratitude that's just so much better and what I want you guys to do is to start to take on these tips that we've mentioned in this episode coming forward but then go back and listen to the people on this show who have shared their story so bravely and so openly and honestly and think about how your life is maybe better than their life in terms of you haven't had to suffer with cancer you haven't had to suffer with blindness you haven't had to be homeless for example and then really start to look in your own life and start to live with gratitude because that is the key you see we're all chasing happiness happiness is a number one goal and it should be the number one goal for all of us and through that we chase fulfilment as well and if you can get those two in line then you're gonna have a fantastic life but what I don't want you to do is to wait until something bad happens I don't want you to have to experience cancer like our guest today shares his experience and it was actually cancer that actually gave him his life back in almost now you could see it he's loving his life and he openly admits it as well in this episode that it was cancer that really made him start to live again but I don't want none of us listening to this show to have to go through cancer in order to start living because we can do it right now we can all go out there and find our voice and really try and start to write our own story so hopefully you guys enjoyed this episode it was fantastic for me because it did exceed my expectations and if you do get a chance please do hit us up on social media as well we are quite active and don't forget if you get a chance as well please do share it with somebody else as well to maybe inspire and motivate them to go out there and find their voice so without further ado let's get this interview on the way I'd like to start this show by welcoming Pete to the show and I want to thank Pete for taking time out of his day today to come and share his story so Pete thank you for coming on to the show you know I'll come take you things like him and you're very welcome and really appreciate it I think it's going to be useful for their audience to get to know a bit about yourself so if you wouldn't mind if you can kind of give us like a summary take as long as you need in relation to the life of Pete for example tell us some of your ups tell us some of your dance and then basically what brings you here today perfect no problem and hi audience I'm glad you listen it is and well why you sort of story is I'm not a multi-millionaire or anything like that far from it but I live a very comfortable life and it hasn't always been like that I mean I'm 53 years old so you can imagine when my upbringing from my parents how that was in a very strict upbringing we was always sort of monitored by our pens back in game days with the early days of very few Asian community in the UK and they had to sort of build their reputation so we resorted very close community we have been declawed close community parents always took hold of what you had to do days basically sort of had your life for yourselves in mahjong days and I was kind of rebellious with my dad because always always one that wanted to do my own thing the way I want to but course you have to have respect for your parents and sort of listen to them as well so I as I said Oh print being invade it's a tight community Asian community and as a site to sort of get older and going to school into sort of sixteen seventeen this is where I sort of started to understand that you know I don't want to follow the footsteps of my parents and Adorno follow the footsteps of my brothers and sisters and Gaurav University or anything like that I didn't want to be stuck behind a desk when that's what my parents wanted to be I was more inclined to sort of looking to I used to see it market and I think wow I want to do that I don't want to do that and you know that's how my thoughts were and so as I got to about 16 17 I started kind of rebelled against what my parents wanted and but again same thing you know you have to have some element of respect for your pen so I still followed them and I'll put till the ages sort of 21 ish when I got married and and we then brought her family business and and again we started working in the family business but it's not something that I wanted it wasn't for me so even though I worked in there and putting the hours as long with my with my brothers and it's not something that I wanted to do and what really changed my mind or changed me was when I became ill when it was about round about 25 and at that time I had two children and one of them here and well two boys and I had contact and sort of that's where that's what really changed my perspective about life and because when you fall into I mean oh no people about cancer and they've cured and they've come every but the initial shock of that was like wow you know I mean I remember sitting on the stage with my wife and I'm telling my wife and I'm sitting there crying my eyes out thinking and your whole life goes by here and especially when things like that I mean nowadays you know they so many curious for so many diseases but when you're looking when you're going back 20 odd years there was there wasn't as many curious so you know you have this flashback of your life and you think wow I'm not gonna be here what's my kids gonna do and all these thoughts start to run through your head and you know and I remember sitting under stairs and said crying I like that and what dad came in and he looked at this and he went there what's the matter what you crying for and at all my dad okay my hog and even though and he was sort of strong I could see sense that he it was one of them things like wow you know this is happening to my son and saying you ever went through a treatment and chemotherapy and he was in and out of hospital I lost a lot of weight and I you know sort of kind of lost confidence as well because I was what I would say was a greatly confident person but I was quite confident in myself and I've lost all my confidence as well and my sister she gave me a book which was there your guardian angels and as a while I was in hospital I started to read this guide in angels thinking what's this about you know guardian angels and you just totally changed my life in the sense of we've just read good just reading the book I thought wow this is there such thing as this guardian angel is there such thing as a spiritual world and that's why where my spirituality came out and from there you should have sort of started to progress and as I came once I was out of hospital and had done my chemotherapy and fetal healthy I knew that I had to do my own thing my own way and I wanted to be and how I can progress it wasn't always easy because you always you have this and how pretty you have this education or you have this your your upbringing embedded into you you see so then they're deep into your subconscious mind so they always flop back out and you start to think well should I should I or shouldn't I but I know I wanted to move away from the family and do my own thing and which is sort of what I started to do gonna just pause for a bit or we can jump in there so there are a couple of things in relation to that so you always knew from a very young age you mentioned like from 1617 you were you're probably different to your siblings yeah you want to do something different and I kind of I could resonate with that myself so I was forced in inverted commas to kind of go through the academic route because I was very I could pick up things very quickly yeah I didn't want to do any of that it was never my interest I always want to kind of go against the grain I want to be a boxer I wanted to do you cry I want to do all the stuff I said on television but he has different stuff and there was an element that I suppose somewhere along the line I kind of resented the decisions and I was having to like make my parents happy rather make myself happy fortunately for me I didn't have to experience kind sir in order to really be like okay now I need to just do what's done for me and it kind of seems like cancer was your kind of wake-up call a mass of thing do you know what I have to look after myself yeah and put myself first and it was it's quite emotional for me just thinking about that moment when you're sitting on the stairs and you and you're telling your family is stuff I just thought this is just giving you a book about the guardian angel and stuff I think that's come probably a good time because I absolutely did you agree that if that come it should give you that book yeah we'll probably thought once it changes your perception of do you know change started to change the way I'll think and I need all honesty when I start to read the book and I started to sort of understand each chapter one at a time I thought wow you know this is amazing can this really be possible could you elaborate on something from that or something that you maybe do now yeah of course yeah and so what I've learnt from that book was of course it started to open other doors and other avenues in Lord of Attraction as as people know it I don't know there's a lot of it back now whereas when we was younger it was it wasn't it wasn't about what he's still about but we wasn't aware of him but he's a lot more about of it often now so and then you know I don't know thousands if not millions of people's heard of the secret and so then that book came into my hands and it was it just happened to be that I went onto a course and which is an angel course and his spiritual core so as I went there and this is the lady that was conducting it her name was Angela so and she told us about this secret and the secret website so I wrote it down suza go home was sort of jumped on the website got the thing he got the DVD because there's gotta be something indecent what's what's so good about this or anyway are played it and then what made my two boys what it sat there watching me and I was totally sort of enclosed in this secret because that what they were saying is your thoughts become your reality this was for me it was like a turning point because I thought wow if that was the case and wow I can create anything the one was with the kids they were still young there wasn't sort of so much interested in it and so that's where he progressed from so now you know I have a special routine in the morning and a follow every day and it's all due to this I guess I can call it positive thing times Olivia and it's all due to these positive thinking and you know when you start to think in a certain way certain doors will start to open for you but you have to trust in your way of thinking and you have to trust in yourself even though all throughout life and even in today's day and age and how fast forward we have become even today you still have their thoughts you still have to battle with your own mind believe it or not and with your negative thought you know you're constantly fighting against them and like I said to you know before we started you know you have a thought you sort of you sort of have a negative thought if you like and before you know it your negative thoughts your your conscious mind starting tell you something and before you know you're not that's spiraled into your hair before blonde conversations with yourself you know you're sitting in your car and you're home or whatever and you're talking to yourself and you're having this complex it's conversation with yourself and you're sort of fighting with yourself you know one voice against another and I don't know if that makes sense you know you sort of fighting with yourself and you really have to start to understand your thought and that's one of the things learn to do is understand my thoughts and when I'm having a thought like that I instantly think to myself okay this is this is the right thought no it's not and I'll stop put a stop to the Thornton right away because you are in control of your own thinking nobody else controls it for you so you know what you are thinking so if you start to realize that you was thinking something that's hasn't even happened you can stop that thought right away when you stop it do you replace it with something or replace it yeah you have to replace it with something positive say for example if you're having an emotional thought let's just say something bad happened you know you you're on your way you've got a parking ticket or you or something like that you don that's a negative thing and the first thing you do when you get a parking tickets in your effing and blinding station and and you know and you know then that you know be from that anger anything of blinding thinking that you know it starts to escalate so if you right away realize all and this is this is not right it you know what's what could be good about there having a parking ticket and then think of something that these positive factors are negative so when you start to think of something positive I'm an 18 it could well be this you might have had a parking ticket you might have grabbed a parking ticket God to speak today conductor or whatever I'm bumped into somebody who you spontaneously you know bumped into somebody who is we put your right you know you and you might have you know anything could have happened with those gratitude in having a car absolutely yeah yeah anything you know anything but as long as you sort of realize that you're having this negative thought and without letting this spun out of control with hundreds of other thoughts stop it right away stop it and change you to find a positive in that negative like I said it could be that you've got you could be grateful to you you've got him you come to meet make a meeting absolutely if that you know he was worried about your parking ticket then you might not have gone on to that meeting and gain something okay knowledge or whatever it is you know so if there's always a positive in a negative and that's what you have to sort of learn to do it's not the easiest thing in the world who is there but with practice it becomes perfect that's interesting because this is just meanness or cancers effective my family is taking members of my family aways it's affecting my family some of them now so a very negative connotation towards cancer I sometimes put myself in a position and think if I was to ever get cancer or something but a particular point I just can't help but think that I will feel sorry for myself at some stage have you ever felt that yeah you do as I said that you know it's it's it's not your normal yeah absolute normal you know you can't control your thoughts to a degree well you can you can't because when something as severe as cancer or other illness hit you you can't see any way out so of course it's not so for anybody to think you know how would I feel but as I said earlier on you know you we are you are in control of your thoughts as long as you don't put emotion into something it can never happen it's only emotion that creates your reality when you paint a picture of what you want and how you want your life to be your conscious and your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between right and wrong it just doesn't know the difference it only responds to what your want picture you're painting it so when you're young as I said you know your pet your parents have painted how your picture is going to be so your subconscious mind then when your conscious mind then has to build your life around your parents picture or the picture that you've created or they're created not just your parent it's society its school everything and anything after the sort of ages 10 when you develop fully develop your conscious mind after the age of 10 anything after that is what your picture has been built on based on your school your parenting or and society itself you know you have to sort of try to understand your thoughts you think there's a lot and as long as you can control or though what you're thinking you can always change it the hardest part of changing something is that you have to change all your soft conscious if people understand what that means if they don't then I went to highly recommend looking into that because it's a very very powerful part of us it's a part of our mind and can create reality for you so if you don't understand what subconscious is then I so strongly suggest that you go out and listen to or even you know we books on that if you don't like reading like me listen to audiobooks I love listening yeah motivation you see and you can learn a lot from it so that's what you really have to do you have to sort of think about what you're thinking about think about what you're thinking about all the time and then stop when you start it when you start having it sort of a negative thoughts stop that and then think of a positive what could be the positive thing what is it that you want in life to change the picture that your parents have built or society is built for you changing that jigsaw your conscious mind doesn't want to change a jigsaw because you imagine you've made a great massive jigsaw puzzle here and you're trying to take the middle of that jigsaw puzzle add and change it and how hard would it be to change that jigsaw puzzle so that's why your conscious mind is constantly fighting with you to stop you doing that any fight with you by sending yeah but what if this happens this is gonna happen this is gonna happen and reality is just all you're doing it fighting with you know else isn't it yeah yeah so that's how you sort of change you know reality that's brilliant that's that's powerful that's something actually that's for anyone that is this and there's a book called the chip paradox and he actually explains it so it's quadratures paradox of what he says is you have the chimp which is your like your subconscious through then you have a computer which is kind of the logical side of you but what he says is the chimp is more powerful yeah and it's unless we control this chimp whether it's through changing our thought processes and the things that we were taught to believe absolutely absolutely then the chains going to take over runs on it and that's exactly what happens we do 95 90 95 percent of our society and yeah yeah you like absolutely your chip will always try to control what it wants you to do but deep down if you start to understand it anything is possible but even having said that it's not just his thoughts it's it's a gratitude you have to put into thing you know I mean I once all grateful for I mean I can explain sort of you know what my routine isn't when I get a bunch of virtually the next thing so yeah yeah the routine yeah so for myself what I do when I get up in the morning my general routine I mean on the early riser so more put three o'clock in the morning and one of the things I've learned and I'll never ever do is put the snooze button on now that I ever put snooze button or people do that but that's not a really a positive thing to do you know you as soon as oh yeah my alarm goes off I'm out of bed my feet hit the floor and the first thing I do is I put my head together and then I go thank you so much for another day ahead of me and he's feeling that gratitude of another day whether that day is gonna be the same as yesterday or not matters not it's another day I listen to a lot of affirmations in the morning as well so when you get up in the morning what I learned is that your subconscious mind your conscious mind hasn't quite kicked in so you're still in your subconscious and state so when you start to feed your subconscious state with positive affirmations your day will flow perfectly so first thing I'll do is of government phone I'll put my headphones on I'll get dressed and I start to play affirmations positive affirmations or even relaxing music just to calm I'm like that and so while I'm going testicle have a yeah you know I mean I'll have a shower in the night in case you think I think I've had a shower in the night and so while I'm brushing my teeth I'll still got this headset on so I'll put 20 minutes or so I've got this headset on listening to affirmations and while I'm having breakfast on listen to affirmations and I Drive to work listening to an audiobook and um how your mind works there's some great books out there no doubt you've heard of many of them I love listening to if you don't mind the answer yeah actually you know someone a box I mean I love listening to Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hayden I'm sure millions of poverty read a book and the other book I think is fantastic and people should really haven't is the science of getting rich by what is what'll again it's it's it's he explained it's a science of game rich and it's a great book to if you I mean you can buy it but if you don't want to buy it you can get on YouTube and in listen to it so for forty minutes from all the way to work on listening to D so I'm always trying to feed my mind with positive affirmations positive vibes all the way to work and obviously once you've done your work come back home on my way back home I'm genuinely back on for about seven in the morning so I'm one ear out at the house for a few hours and when I'm back home I take the dog for a walk another relaxing way to do that and then I get when I'm when I'm home obviously a boo gone to work by then and then I do my meditation and we solved for the next hour and so I sit there and I focus what I want out of life and how I want my life to be and so I do a meditation then listen to some great meditation music again you can get on YouTube if you don't I use one called calm on iTunes it is one that you have to pay for what yeah it's absolutely fantastic I saw many on there it's great but as I said there's lots of free ones you know you just have to find one that resonates with you so once of a sort of listened and once I've done my own meditation I generally fall asleep for an hour song two hours and so it's in a sort of fall asleep for about a couple of hours and then back up to ten o'clock I've started to do exercises now when I hadn't before even though when I was younger I spent a lot of time exercising but when I got here I sort of lost confidence in xdesign so i starting to sort of carry back into exercising nothing bank am but i have so for ten o'clock consider do 20 minutes of sort of general exercise and and and ice get on go about Monday I'll start work about two o'clock again to have two and once again I'll start I only listen or try to listen to audiobooks you know any kind of audio Bob Proctor is another fantastic I mean he's amazing you know I know he's on the secret but he's so he's been doing this for 50 years and he's somebody knows what they're talking about he is a man that knows what he's talking about and so I listen to a lot and a lot of his and audio books I listen to a lot of time Roberts and again and does a great motivator so I'm always listening to these books and that awesome whilst I'm at work I generally come home around 1:00 to finished up getting home for seven have a meal I try to relax by watching not so much TV programs but more very old-fashioned God programs if you like and and the reason of watch them is because it's it's it explains to you that what we have now has always been there but we just we just didn't realize it so it's in resonates back to you how you can move forward with what we have well I've always had and the generally don't got a bed and again once again I've always got to sleep at night and before I go to sleep I just be thankful for my whole day you know I think about all the the thing I've done today even though my day routine is generally the same and I might have met somebody new there so I always sort of gratitude to everything I have even my meals or sit down and I'm you know you when I say gratitude because he's gratitude is part of development so if you're not grateful for something then how can you be grateful for what you want to something so you really have to be grateful for and I know there's lots of people there's a wall I can't be grateful until I get this box if that's the way you're thinking as we spoke earlier on you're only gonna get more of what you're putting out so if you're thinking I'm not grateful for something your only your your subconscious mind only sees that you're not grateful for something and you know you're feeling sad about something so he thinks ah okay oh yeah it's not about this I'll give you more of that so that's how your content works and fall asleep again listening to you music until the next day I don't know falling asleep so in the middle of the night when this thing he's office still got my head said oh we should take off pretty so and then you know so that's my daily routine every day yes it's almost like the curse of cancer that came into your life has always made your life better totally think shame because it that's it for me it took for me to get ill to get where I am I mean you know I had a business which and was almost gone almost bankrupt me because I really struggled but had it not been for what I'd learned over the years I think that I would have really got into it depression but because of what I learned over the years when I did have my business and that didn't work as well as I expected it to and it's just one of them things and yes I worried a lot about it and opera and Laura's worrying in the family put up trying to keep it away from them as well because I didn't want them to feel under pressure to help and there was absolutely fantastic you know hats off to my family then they stepped in and they sort of we worked together and you know and it's another thing that I think I should point out is that when you have when you when you're worried about something and even worried about not telling your parents or telling your family it's a wrong thing to do because if your family is always there to understand and support you and just it's surprising how much taken just just by taking or talking to somebody how much of a burden you can take off your shoulders and that's what I did you see but just boy even though they didn't sort of okay here we'll do this with this but just talking to them took away so much of my worries and but as I said if it wasn't for what I've learned over the previous year is about being positive I wouldn't have come out of that business feeling better for myself and you know going on six or seven years now more than that now here 10 years or so moving forward 10 years you know I've created another great business you know I I'm really happy within them and progress it's always because you have to prove you have to think of yourself and your family and move forward with them absolutely so a couple of good points day is born obviously it's easier said than done but we shouldn't have to wait for a cancer or death or something you know like these are simple things that every single one of us on a daily basis and so I ask this question can start to do it's not gonna take us long to just sit there for best part of two three minutes and just think of all the things we're grateful for every single morning and it slowly become easier then obviously throughout the day we'll notice more and more things yeah and then listening to positive stuff so hopefully people listening to this can just take on this now yeah rather than have to wait for something bad in part and then just live in this on what it's almost like a bliss because you just appreciate every single moment absolutely right sometimes we will go through life and six months torment surpassed and you've never really lived in the moment because you've won bin anxious about the past and to you I saw you anxious about the future until you've been depressed about the past so it's a dangerous place to be absolutely it's almost like living in today you also said talking to people so this is something that I actually mentioned on a previous podcast so I struggled with anxiety struggled a lot with overwhelm and similar to yourself I'm trying it you look after my family I'm trying to comfort my wife and my siblings and I don't want to put the burden on them my mom suffered in depression so she's loved a best friend by the same time I don't want to have any stress there as well but then sometimes if it's too much and I do speak to her yeah she doesn't solve the problem but I felt so much better which she feels better that I could buy dinner yeah same with my friends or my wife whoever I speak to it talking is so powerful it's a massive massive thing but as humans what I mean connection speaking is it's part of us and because the song takes a turn that follows 24 so absolutely we will lose a connection absolutely I think you know that's again like you said you know is you when you talk into somebody somebody when you hold it in yourself you're creating nothing but bad feelings for yourself but when you're let that energy out you've it's almost as if you've left let out and a massive ball of negative energy you know that's how you got acidity is a and you know and it's hard sometimes understand you know certain 16 certain things in such a situation you sometimes find it hard to talk to somebody but the best way forward and I've always found is that you know if you can't talk to your family then talk to somebody who's confused you're close with you know just take that off your chest and it makes you feel so much better and your mind will always fight you against it because they want you to hold and I know it sounds bad do you thinking to yourself well why wouldn't my mind want to do that for me and it's always one see it always sort of and give you a picture of oh yeah but if you if you told decent I'm gonna do this ad singly and you know you but you're creating something hasn't even happened creating scenario you know we're going back again you know creating a picture of what you want if you want if you want to if you finally difficult to talk to somebody then imagine it in your head and I know those who have read and Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill of one of the things he used to do was he used to have a board meeting and with some of the richest people in the world in his head not physically with in your head and I mean he could if you can imagine something like that so and it's easy to imagine thing you know you could you can imagine something like like just like that if I said to you now think of a pink elephant instantly you'll be thinking of a pink elephant if you're saying stick your face in the kitchen you'll be thinking of that so you can create emotion to that yeah absolutely absolutely without emotion there's lots of elements that you have to put together for the law of attraction to work emotion is one of them gratitude is another one the positive thinking is another one and individually you know image in your head and what you want your life to be is another one when you start to combine these things together that's when your life starts to change of people using this Lord of Attraction has changed in life totally change your life around within 12 months just by I mean it takes 30 days to create the thing is with life itself which we've created habits and hobbies can be changed it takes time to change habits but habits can be changed I love that and the final point I just want to add to that is you mentioned a business that you've just started that you're very happy with we have another business because we've got the products on there it's probably packed in one of these boxes now because we're moving house not okay joining just share that briefly just with the ordinance a lot when I first heard about it I was like that's quite an innovative is quite interesting okay straight away can you just starting from scratch sure yeah yeah and others here do I do my full time I guess it's a job but it's not job because he's still self-employed and do my parcel business but always wanted to be sort of an online trader so what I started to do was I looked at ways I can make money online Amazon was a biggest platform so I was learned how to sort of started looking more into how Amazon works and so I learned how to through their learning program and he can learn Lee to Amazon sort of learned how to sell products on Amazon and that's what I'm moving forward with and I've got a product on there now which and which is aromatherapy oils but he's one of them things that sort of well it's a bit of a risk to take but again if you want something to happen you have to have a positive outcome of it and so I started to understand and learn a lot about Amazon and how they were what what to do and learnt the course they've had to promote the product how where to find a product had to get product once I understood all that I'm still learning from it's not something that yeah fully understood I'm still learning from them I started as I said I imported my first product and it's been great you know really has my wife uses it I think that's actually okay yeah it is a great product done yeah just on that as well so soft and you hear people thinking they can't do nothing we have all these limiting beliefs and they see what we can do in life and yeah you just thought okay I wanted to start a business and you probably wouldn't you probably just figured it out along the way yeah you are not selling a product unless that's a lesson to anyone like if this is something you want with the right mindset and then obviously the action nothing impossible without action you know you it's no good having the oldest mindset yeah positive thinking when you take no action you you know you have to take action if it's something there's some looking to do you know sell online it doesn't have to be Amazon there's lots of other platforms on there I chose Amazon because I was on is deep Biggie's platform to sell and I chose Amazon because I found it you can I can I don't have to store the product at all I'll send it to their warehouse everything they deal with a moment yeah absolutely and their fulfillment center that deal with the customers they deal with the returns of course anything that is returned luckily for me I finally had one product returned in all the ones that have sold and then they they contact you so you have nothing you know that this is the biggest fear with people they think well how can I start oh I'm Christie what about customer series what about this but this with Amazon they deal with all that with you yeah of course they target fee which is understandable but you have to find a product then you can now incorporate all that and you can make and still make a profit out of it you know you you know you could there's lots of people on Amazon that making great massive massive monthly incomes and it's it is possible and you just have to trust in yourself to do it and that's the hardest thing trusting yourself if it's something that you know it's for the listeners if something that you're passionate about then use that product use that as a product absolutely I want you to put that in there because I've seen you use the product as well yeah so it's not like a shameless plug or any yeah yeah it's inspiring because if I ask someone say for instance my dad or my own course or something do that the first thing that says all are configured I don't know about the internet and we have a lot of people in the audience we just automatically have exclusive straightaway absolute is always it's just refreshing to hear somebody just say you know what what it actually shows that everything you're putting in practice in your daily routines like the affirmation is opposed to thinking yeah you put it into practice any practice or you foods I think that's the thing with all the community because I mean I'm 53 and if I can make changes at 53 people at that age if not younger I mean exactly majority to prepare people you know once they get past forty forty five to think that's it I think the life is over you can't progress you can't learn you the game started yeah it's just starting and I just gain started don't let things top of you because when you're young you have a whole you could you got your whole life in front of you when you're 40 your passport you're getting close to 50 you think that you've only got a few years but just in a few years if you with the right mindset it just within a few years you can change the whole life around if that's what you want being all free absolutely people are living longer now resolve of course yeah yeah definitely Brit okay thank you for that so we spoke about diversity quite a bit and we spoke obviously the business stuff we spoke about the personal health problems as well if you could just choose one of your biggest lessons that you've learned from that experience so I'm going that you had the mindset of something but if you can just say to somebody maybe who's experienced in it now or going through term or whether it's cancer or any other illness if you can just give them one lesson that you've taken from that situation I would say that you know just as hard when giving that situation but just try to see things as I say just try and look at the light at the end of the tunnel you know just try to focus on you getting better you moving forward you wanting the thing that you want instead of focusing on something and I understand that it's hard because I've been there and but just try to listen and the best way did it one of the other things I absolutely love doing is I love listening to music that I love because he just makes you feel so much better so if you are going through a tough time listen to your favorite song don't lose sight of you joy yeah something that you enjoy listening to listen to a rock so you know not so much a rock song in the sense of rock song I mean something that has a fantastic you know I always find that that helps me to feel better so and yeah you know just just try to stay positive really you know it's a tough situation to be more you just have to learn to stay positive yeah that's brilliant thank you for that I'm in this particular moment right this second what is your biggest fear and fear is another to say this now because fear is just a thought it's just thought that can be told controlled when you have a fear you can always change your feeling too and on so I try to avoid having a fear because I'm not saying don't not worried about anything I'm always worried about the future and have I done enough too but when I pass how I done enough on this earth for those were living here now for when I pass that means my biggest concern blooded and I fear because I think when you use the word fear I don't know a lot of people do but I from what I've learned one of the things I understand these learn to understand these fear it's just a word it's a word that's used by everybody so when somebody uses the word fear you instantly think the worst of something so no no that's not what you wanted to hear but I think that they when you use the word fear you sort of think of the worst but to me don't think of the way fear and it's hard not to but don't think of me think of something think of it as a unless fear forward if you like but yeah well my biggest concern is how about done enough on earth and for those coming okay that's one of my biggest interested and has that purpose of yours that why without motivation to leave the world given as much as usually has that only stemmed since again that I don't want to keep touching on it but they Hansard incident absolutely yeah yeah yeah and that's interesting because a lot of people I find that go through adversity in life or have been through hardship they almost become selfless and they just want it almost in that moment when they're so great for this stuff they want to give back more yeah yeah I think before that we kind of do live a selfish life yeah absolutely because I I was kind of selfish I only really thought about myself I didn't even though I've respected what my pen said I would kind of well my life I could do what I like or no and even you know going back down I remember my father sitting me down once and he went and he said you know you're going down the wrong path because I started getting involved with the wrong people he said you're gonna shame us and he was like that backing when I was growing up he said you're gonna put shame on us and you're gonna end up in prison because he thought I was gonna end up in prison and but I you know I was not but I wanted to do what I want to do care about that I just want to do what I want to do for what I dye my hair with a dime appears like yeah you can't stop me even though respecting him when I didn't do a pop it was one of the thoughts of him that was going through her head and so ya can say for me cancer was the biggest biggest thing that changed and maybe that's what I needed you know things they were say the things come for a reason maybe that is what I needed that's a wake-up call this is why I actually love like I love dis as part of my job because I get to meet people at you and without having to go through the pain and that you've been through yeah it inspires me so much like this is inspiring but I have sometimes will be talking and I'll be like episode 4 so-and-so said this how dare I feel sorry for myself yeah I'm it doesn't get me through the day and I'll always think I'm blessed because when I'm gonna have him speak to somebody I always get to meet a new friend and a new person that I form a relationship and then it just changed my perspective because I'm like I'm so much more grateful even now just for like health see you perfectly because he's just pointed it out you know you was having there we're gonna use the word negative again we're having daily thought about something and yet you instantly realized you was and then change it into something positive by saying about somebody such as 50 cents or how dare I and it's absolutely like you know this there's so many people in this world that are worse off than you yeah you know you other than those who are homeless and you know this is one of the things I want to do and as I get better and better and you know be able to do it is to help the homeless because unless you're homeless and God not you if a long as you go roof of your hand yes it's always tough if you haven't got a job and I know it's a big thing and a big concern but yeah if you got a roof over you should be grateful always be playing with without gratitude absolutely can't move forward and I think I think that's that's a brilliant point I think it's something though we do have to do every day because again adversity everything he goes for everyone's life and I've had moments when but death happens all of a sudden for that month but you're you you're grateful for everything and you know life's too short please share everything but then you get very quickly back into their old habits happy so that's why I always read it should be like a day absolutely you touch on the homeless thing so I'm I'm very fortunate my parents are very like loving people so we foster children and it's laughs okay well you're my sister then we adopted and my mom tried to adopt every single kid that coming to the house and laughs there's no room in the house so I've got like three white siblings and we've got Asian sister as well was adopted and seeing them and seeing like their issues in terms of like disabilities there were malnutrition when they first came there Testament disorders it made me so grateful like it changed my whole life so I gave good-paying jobs to become like a social worker to effectively change the world and it changed but then what happened was when I got married and I moved into my house here we're sitting today yeah don't my siblings I think about them every single day but I don't live with them every day to end that feeling of gratitude every single day okay whereas before I never had to remind myself please job like this a nice thing poor Kyle he might never be able to drive a car he'll never be able to do this yeah and he used to make me feel grateful yeah so it is something I think like anything like if you don't look after your health every single day it's gonna deteriorate absolutely I think we should always try and I think that's the biggest issue and you get to a certain stage and when you're happy with your life you tend to start to forget about that is you know just another quick point is you know it's not a religious thing or I don't want to win anybody here but when when something bad you never think about God you go about your day to day business but when something bad happens you straight away you're going and pray to God you know God is there every single day yet you forget and I know most people don't but the majority do you know they forget that he's there every day and I even though I'm not a I'm a spiritual person and you know it doesn't matter what you are deep down with all the same so when you have to pray to somebody then pray to them every day if you want to if you feel that God is your way forward and then pray to God every day be thankful to him that you got me walk every day not just a day that you're feeling down or you find a bad day or you've lost your cat you lost your dog or anything else you know every single day should be a day where you grateful with gratitude 100% you alcohol I think that's beautiful message I think it's something that I'm probably cure you have I remember as a kid man if I thought was gonna get in trouble bug my parents like God please get me through this day never do it again I'm sure we've all kind of done yeah I thought okay brilliant so we're actually at the fun part of the show is what I called it so it's again quickfire round of 60 to 90 seconds depending when I apply you out basically I just random questions okay are we all ready yeah okay we're gonna go in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be oh yeah your favorite beer butter oh yeah your biggest role model Oh baby what would you like to be remembered for the good I did your biggest goal this year to be successful and help us your worst mistake not doing Eternia if you could relive one day again what day would it be the very first day I was born the ability to fly or be invisible invisible the number one thing that annoys you but habits and when your fame neither your proudest moment my children your favorite food got a visual icing chicken would you rather speak or languages or speak to animals what's your favorite song at the club by the Drifters and if you had an extra hour a day how would you spend it meditating Netflix or YouTube Netflix and the final question is the number one piece of advice you would give to your children just be yourself okay brilliant so we're approaching towards the end of the show now and just two more questions that I always like to ask my guest the next one's about reflection I saw this is in hindsight obviously we learn ways where we can get to places quicker with less heartache or by saving money for example so if you could go back knowing everything that you know now and all your words of wisdom and everything that we've spoken about in the show to a younger time when maybe you were confused or going through a time where you had no clarity in your life yeah and you can just whisper something in the younger piece yeah yeah did you say gone back if I had and I think that this may you know I was thinking these yes now even though I would tell myself that the future is what you create the Tippie so if you want your future to be better paint that picture in your head and that's what I would whisper to myself paint the picture of how you want your life to be and it will create it that's Brittany I think the more waters the develop my dream and stuff as well that's more what I try and do is I like vision board and stuff and I think I think maybe as children as well we do that but there's somewhere between childhood when you've got that innocence to growing up yeah we tend to lose it I think the vision boards are fantastic and I think that a great thing to have because it gives you a idea of how you want your life to be but the whole time to that to that is when somebody makes a vision board they forget that they can change that vision board and once you've looked at it a few times it's just there sitting on the wall of what I tend to do is I've read my goals every morning I'll have a book written in there what I want my average day to be like and I read the book everything is pretty detailed of how I would like to be and I sit down and read it and if there's something a lot I don't like in it I always draw it out and change it and I think with things like vision boards and even though I did a great thing like I said but vision boards is a massive picture of you know I feel Bree wants to be multi millionaire and they know we're near there it's it's an image where you think well I'm not gonna get there but if you take small steps because vision boards can be expanded it can be changed but I think people when who make vision boards are I'm not sure about yourself of people who make vision boards tend not to change it so then look at it once or twice literally for a month or so after that - forget the vision boards he's there but you know going forward it's not it's not a bad thing I'm not saying would you recommend them having a two year goal it's about building confidence so if you're gonna like your goal down for yourself or goals down for yourself and you've written a goal to say let's just say for argument's say you're gonna have a million pound in a year and people do like gods like now because the thing - what if I could create anything or agreat that create that I'm not saying it can't be created but if y'all haven't but if you're not if you're not in line with your positive thinking creating that video path is going to be difficult but if you say to yourself I want to create a slightly similar goal so say a few sectors up I want to 10,000 pounds a month 10,000 pound a month is far achievable easily achievable because your work hard racket absolutely once you achieve your 10,000 pounds a month you've put it and have a booster then draw your goal pika make it twenty thousand their next month and you know no no there's lots of people out there don't think well I want to be a millionaire and I want to beat in a year and but you didn't learn to speak and you didn't know how long did it take you to learn to walk how long did it take you to do things now you know just generally to do things it takes 12 years for you to go through school and learn all the things in school you're not going to become successful in a year well I'm not so don't get me wrong sorry I apologize for that it's not you're not going to be your mindset isn't bright guitar pitch there won't be a nominees that will obviously do it for the vast majority of us we have to develop one a sphere is changing one our mindset one I help everything needs a line is have yeah and we need to increase the confidence and our skill set in all of those yeah and one of the things that I I suppose I've suffered with I saw I don't do vision boards myself is that no people do is when I used to have these big goals somewhere along their journey if you're trying to be like an entrepreneur trying to find your way life yeah when you realize how far you are from you goes you become very dissatisfied to me and trying to think of the right words for it be they the lack of motivation yeah because you think I'm just so far away from it and even though you might have come so far the J yank yeah you forget how far you've come because you're looking to have my uni hero so this is what I'm saying about vision boards you see because vision boards are a great thing but if you're making a vision board and your journey is to be you know a super successful entrepreneur but you're only here you're not seeing absolutely how you come you you're looking at that and you you kind of can't get demotivated because you know with anything it can't be change but if you're making a goal that stopped being absolute but you're here so that's why that's my advice no I think that's great advice is so if we use the analogy that Iowa I can relate to very quickly is health and fitness so everyone wants a six-pack in just absolutely the number one question I always get a song that's absolutely fine we can get you a six-pack we can help you but it starts with one rep in the gym yeah starts with you going to the gym that one day yeah and you can't ever get there any quicker no matter how much you would have to do that rip yeah then unfortunately you have to do a lot of them reps and yeah you can't just do one on one day you can't just sit here for 24 hours or let's do sit-ups another city like the world it's a process and it's about understanding that so yeah I think that's it it's a pretty answer good answer and that certainly actually brings us to the last question and the last question is if in 150 years science fails to save us and none of us are here and it's just hopefully my podcasts by then all that remains is a book and this book is about you everything in your life or the good things you've done or the wonderful things and all the people's lives you've touched and everything yeah what would the back of the book tell us to make somebody want to pick it up about you and also what would the title be well I think if I was who write a book the title of my book would have to be a car you say Think and Grow Rich but something along the lines you know thoughts I would say I would say it's hard to sort of define them an actual name for the Papa I would say something along the lines of use your thoughts well think carefully and think about what you want you know it's hard to define a name think carefully that's that's quite interesting yeah it's sort of something along them lines and with the back of the book create the life that you want by thinking history you know think about how you painted a picture painting an image on your life create an image of how you want what you like to be it's hard to sort of it's fine to be honest I think everything that you've said in this episode has kind of told us about the nerve of it yeah and I think the probably the most important thing like you said it's think carefully yeah because you realized through your trials in tribulations is that if your thought processes that manifesto LSU and make your existence and everything but yeah I think that's the biggest thing really you know when you're somebody's gonna pick something up they're gonna think about what they are doing what about you as a person how would you how would you want to be remembered I would like to be remembered as somebody who did dividing therefore everybody you know did the right thing for those who are less fortunate or try to do the wrong thing I think yeah that's brilliant thank you I think that's a great answer and I'm just a final note so we are gonna put your Amazon link in for your visit I think you definitely should definitely if people are interested in them so it's it's an oil it's a variation all Roma therapy oils basically they're the natural products there there's no artificial cooling or the field additives in it and they can be used for your health purposes there's cárdenas as well and he tells you what you can what the purpose of these are and so each oil can be used for various things I mean I use the head of tose so there's a and there's an oil in there kiddo and I think it is that same as witch witch hazel if you're cruising if thought it actually takes your pain away but I don't have anything okay so and again I'll use the oils to put in the Steam Mop just a few tops fantastic you could use them in diffuser so there's many uses for them yeah I got my wife as well yeah and alongside that are you on social media as well is there a way or would you be open to banners connecting with yourself and yeah I mean if anybody you know wants any answers or questions always take on anything then yeah cool so I I am on social media on Facebook I'm not a big these further Facebook you know yeah I think it's just a good point of call because there could be somebody who behind closed doors may have resonated a certain part of your story may be struggling with it may be going for the exact same thing yeah and this is another thing the whole point of this podcast is to let people know they're not alone yeah so the story that you're going through I'm gonna be going through about a million other people who yeah this is what it's about and it's always nice when you can get somebody on the show he's in a much better place then yeah yeah and that's the point is artist so in that function enough when we're going through all the emotions and stuff and we think there is no light at the end of the tour like I thought you know actually all of my guests have demonstrated there is like it is here that's what it's about fantastic so brilliant so we're I just wanted this moment once again just to thank you for your time today and sharing your story into the listeners at home I gotta listen it's for that play to be here and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we asked in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
How to deal with Fear #27

How to deal with Fear #27

2019-06-2400:10:56

How to deal with Fear #27 by Aren DeuTagline: "Wouldn't life be great if we wasn't scared of anything?"So I recently realised, that our brain is wired for survival not happiness. This definitely hit home when I sat there a few weeks ago and thought "Wouldn't it be incredible if I wasn't afraid of anything".As a result of realising that this wasn't feasible I felt I had to then learn to monitor it and control it. Seeing as fear will never go away, we need to try to at least live with it or else we are going to be a constant wreck of nerves, worry and stress. And on that note, remember the famous quote? "It's not hard work that will kill you, its stress".I hope this short episode adds some value and the 3 tips at the end and explanation around Fear help move you forward and at least reduce your fear, worry or panicking by a little.I also want to thank you all for helping support this incredible podcast. Please do reach out over social media and let's connect and continue to push this movement forward.P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, Instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhSLinks to me:Website: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6ywelcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode of following your voice my name is iron and as always I am the host of the show so so they wanted to to you about fear probably the strongest emotion that we can ever experience a something that we either Hope record really all over you will experience at some stage in the future Nyerere you've probably heard the acronym such as four seven dense appearing real well maybe you've heard face everything the rise or forget everything a run and I'm sure this quite a few others that you could probably think of as well now the reason we're talk about fear is because fear was something not to stop me from part costed two years ago I don't really sat down and started to think about why I enjoyed podcast and song with fright night I'm gonna tell you very short stories about me keep you much of your time but I remember as a child spending let's see three or four days a week at least definitely weekends with my little because it's just that and %HESITATION we would do and was presented radio shows so how does the %HESITATION radio cassette thing whereby you book except I read you be used to listen to top of the pops so or the music shows record and then after every song we used to have like a segment that we used to do shows and stuff and it's really strange because I used to be so complicated I used to be for love adventure and doing things that I never really think about the risks soul if off by %HESITATION to what people would perceive of me fast forward a couple years after that and that's what it is all you really start to take over my life really start to impact me so it's funny now that I've come full circle twenty years later and I'm kind of doing my own radio show although I suppose you're gonna quit podcasting the reason I tell you that is because it was fate us stop me from Saddam apart because you see I was afraid of so many things I was afraid my accent would be understood I was afraid that like tool to quickly I was afraid nobody would listen I was afraid I would release the show and nobody would care I was afraid I would get guests on the show I mean I could list in fact I could probably talk with the minister on all my face but the reason I want not to be important I want you to just take note of this is because if I had to start that part cast when I did I at the beginning of two thousand nineteen then I wouldn't be where I am not aware I'm not it's literally a dream come true because my initial goal was to impart one pass and every single day that's what I want to do so I figured the Far East with Wall part because I can just impossible is life to maybe change that perception maybe change their attitude their actions on a daily basis to make their life back I'm not being very very for to the B. B. listen to over fifty six countries that which is incredible some of them I have David head of from completely honest we now average about fifty two hundred dollars a week which is beyond expectations we've been in many of the toss the self help which is a gated fantastic and not so thank you to you guys but I have to overcome my fear in order to kind of get this view you get this kind of enjoyment of the film and I'm now getting from the park us this well when you guys to do so I'm not necessarily saying you will need to do to podcast with or recommend it I'd say you need to find out what your fears are you really need to concrete so am I'm gonna leave you with three tips on how you can combat your fear because I think it's really important obviously after the sept so you have something tangible rather just hear me talk about my days as a radio show host as a kid but before I give you the tips I think it's also important that we talk about what happens when you experience fear and why it happens you see the brain relies on fear the human emotion fear because the Braves primary focus is to keep us alive he doesn't care whether we're happy or not at the end of the day we want to do is make sure we survive so we tend to have this response seven cute stress response notice fight or flight %HESITATION the third one freeze some research is actually I did this fourth one which is called for a for this kind of when you comply with the grass or the attack at thinking that that would help you don't go through so much pain so we can put the think of some disturbing example is there so anyway we have these four things not hopper movie experience this emotion of fair and if anyone out there is saying they're not afraid of anything you're lying because at the end of the day when you struggle with worry hi Nicole stressed that is ninety nine times out of a hundred relate to a fair so anyway this too many ways that you can probably know is when your experience in fair and once you can always sit down we can obviously call back to so the first one is a logical stress reaction nigh without going into the science but I can tell you if you are interested this is basically when your body releases hormones such as adrenaline and this comes from a U. endocrine system is the hypothalamus in your brain we shoot for these days the White basically does is increase your heart rate your blood pressure starts to go higher your pupils dilate your muscles tense of anybody actually start to sweat I mean that's just a couple of the symptoms and I'm sure we've all been in that situation I mean I remember growing up as a kid and I had a fear of dogs so whenever I see the dog pretty much all of those things would happen the second one is a psychological response that this is something that I gave you can probably will relate to you have you have about yourself noticing that you've just suddenly lost her temper or your rising tend to get angry was just sold quickly to think it what happened or maybe you just experienced a mind blank Ole maybe you'll struggling to make a decision because of an old wall of choices a sick game can be linked to fare as well so that's the main T. macro level ways that you can kind of identify if you've experienced via now we give you three very quick tips that you can do to combat fair or at least try and deal with it because at the end of the day fear is not leaving this fear is not something that we have just created in the twenty first century C. existed one of our lives is help keep us alive is that caveman days because that's basically the role of it passed the role of fear the motion in our brain needs it so anyway let's double over to the steps of the festival to give you is to accept it we have to recognize that it's not going to go away so we accept it will be accepted that basically means that we don't be ourselves HESITATION every time fear exists we just simply need to know that we need to either manage it but I we either fight to run away from it well we just kind of leave it day and again that depends on where you want to go in life so for me my aim is always been to inspire motivate people but Jimmy just help people I mean ID so much stuff in terms of just helping people which isn't a problem my job I just actually get probably the best for film look from that to see somebody else do well so am I have to do this I have to the podcast I have to be very visible on social media HESITATION any gain initially when I started I was very very uncomfortable I mean I'm not exactly an expert now but I do try but was off a sort of a combat zone the second is well I like to call doctor pepper it so what is the worst that can happen you know like the advent dot net back what's the worst that could happen and I always think about because nine times out actually let's trade to nineteen nine times out of a hundred the chances are the worst is really going to happen and if we take it to an extreme the worst thing that could actually happen is normally death and the chances are the stuff that you worry about where your life especially for this do this podcast that hasn't happened as it so why would you worry about it because the west never happened but we so often over complicated and I had to we make it out to be like this incredible monumental stressful situation is going to shock Reid reads in real life when in fact it's probably not that bad if one side and the final one is to talk about and this is something all use myself so I am an anxious buddy hi I'm a much Jenny intent of trying to improve myself but trust me I have very bad days I have days ruffle absolute shit I now have days are among the phone can I struggle and I get overwhelmed so I'm just like many of you I I'm not perfect one of the best things I've done is just is just talking about it and haven't won't pass it around me or a friend or a family who I'm able to just talk to not be judged and just let loose in terms of everything already off my chest I let loose with not all I talk about my experiences and generally what I find is most of the time the stuff the HESITATION I'm experiencing such a normal I know I talked out of ten they've experienced it to which Carter makes you feel like you're not the only one I can you know away don't basically so M. small may three tips I really do hope that you can kind of take those on board hope this episode gives you value again where do these or that the soul is because it's brilliant when I interview so when I get a massive deception change went ahead and HESITATION gets but sometimes it's difficult to extract that I give that to yourselves so a lot of my guests have been through their formal with some of come out the other side and that's basically the purpose of the show were you ordered to strive and what have you doing not only to be scared I don't what do you think it would be better if I wasn't afraid of anything because it's such a that fear that keeps us alive he keeps a shopping to keep this going so at don't be afraid of your fears crime face in trying hundred and twenty controller a little bit like rocky I think it was rocky five right now he spoke about Frankie fifth %HESITATION we gave up he's one of my favourite films not sure if any even what's that but I'm gonna leave it dead friend of rambling on a game thank you so so much for order your support in terms of all the reviews and everything it really is like the great speeding that I've ever experienced pass the it's nice to see someone like gas and so my listeners interacted on social media result which is absolutely fantastic give a shout on your social media platforms of your choice and we will show you some love back as well and as always guys thanks for listening and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day
"How Society affects teenagers today" by Balraj Purewal #26Tagline: "These are the broken pieces of the puzzle that you still end up piecing together.."Life has moved on so quickly and within the space of a generation our world is now seen through a phone, almost 24/7. In fact I can't recall the last time I went out myself and didn't snap, Instagram or Facebook a status update.But for the youth of today they experience larger problems and issues, such as seeking external validation, comparison amongst peers and so often finding themselves missing the beauty of the presence.It is with this I decided to interview a teenager to show us, and give us a first insight into the life of a teen today. He explains very eloquently the struggles, the good the bad and the types of challenges he is presented with daily, amongst other teens.He is a poet at a heart, currently studying at my favourite university (no bias), whilst trying to figure out where he fits in the world amongst figuring out the intent of other people.We speak about many things in this episode that I really enjoyed recording such as:IntentImportance of internal validationBeing true to yourselfFinding your voiceWorking hardUsing social media for what it is todayA guy who is wise beyond his years and someone I believe will go on and achieve his dreams in the world today, I urge you all to show him some support and follow his journey below:P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.Support the podcast: https://www.patreon.com/rss/findyourvoice?auth=gBnWmJ5cdB_Q3FsUedWmWawIe7tjfbhSLinks to me:Website: https://www.arendeu.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/aren.deu/Twitter: https://twitter.com/arendeuFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/aren.singhLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aren-deu-65443a4b/Podcast: https://www.findyourvoicepodcast.com YouTube: http://tiny.cc/51lx6yLinks to guest:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_b.purewal/ (Personal)Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/word___art/ (Poetry)Snapchat: B.purewalHave an awesome day & #JustDeuIt #FindYourVoiceYouTube Transcription:[Music]welcome to an episode of find your voicea movement led by yours trulyAren do a guy who has overcomecrippling anxiety adversity anddifficulty like so many of you in lifewhose main goal now is to help youcombat your excuses take control of yourlife write your own story and mostimportantly find your voice so nowwithout further ado I welcome the hostof the show himself mr. Aren do what'sgoing on people thank you for tuning into another episode of find your voice myname is Aren and as always I am thehost of this show so today I'm gonna bebringing you our youngest ever guest onthe show now I was a little bitskeptical if I'm completely honest ofhaving somebody so young coming out to ashow like find your voice because findyour voice generally speaking it'speople who have gone through adversitygone through obstacles and problems andthen all of a sudden I sat back and Ithought hold on a second this is theexact kind of person we need on thisshow because I'm sitting here and almostmaking this judgment which is againshowing something that I need to beaware of and learn from that peoplegoing through their teenagers and goinginto transition into adulthoodhaven't got a voice and that's not whatI wanted the show to be about so anywayI'm gonna be completely honest he overdelivered in fact he was the star ofthis show and I'm very grateful that heshared his experience because there's somany things he mentioned in this episodethat made me kind of think back to howeasy I suppose my life was growingthrough that transition and many of uslistening to this because I checked thedemographics are a lot older thanbarrages and we never had to go throughthe social media constraints and theproblems and that external validationthat these children and teenagers aregoing through today so it's a very verygood episode in terms of one for anyonewho's going through this transition areyou the teenagers who are hopefullytrying to get to listen to this show toinspire and motivatebut more importantly it's just asimportant for us slightly older peoplewho maybe forgot what it was like growno to hear somebody's perspective or howdifferent life is so we talked a lotabout intent we talked about the typesof people that you come across in lifebut we also talk about some stuff thatjust really blew my mind that I wastalking to a teenager especially when Ithink back to what I was like growing upbecause I was not this emotionally awaythat I was just figuring it out and itgained that last bit there figuring itout is something that we go on to talkabout quite a bit in this episodebecause irrespective of where you are inthis journey in this wonderful thingcalled life we're always just trying tofigure it out so hopefully you find thisuseful especially towards the end of theshow because his last two answers wereincredible and they were very poetic andthen I happen to realize that he has apoetry account on Instagram which kindof made sense so a kid with a hugefuture ahead of him I'm very gratefulthat I've managed to tap into theyounger demographics as well I'm verygrateful for Barrett this time and Ihope you all really enjoy this episodeso without further ado let's jump intoit okay people I just like to start thisshow by welcoming bowrage to the showand thanking all the listeners fortuning in today how you doing today myfriend yeah I'm not too bad not too badOh better runs well thanks I let me comeon the show oh you're very welcome myfriend so I think to start this show Ithink it's really important that thelisteners get to know you a little bitso if you would have mind if you canjust kind of give us a briefintroduction into the life of Berridgeplease yeah well so obviously I went toaround four primary schools alreadyremember too much about it if I'm honestI mean I'm the whole guys created forone but then as I went along we movedhouse quite a bit went to one schoolthat was pretty racist I was like whatlike the third brown person there so itwas like I was getting called like the Pword most of the time and I was likewhat the hell's going on so being quiteyoung in primary school didn't reallyenjoy primary school too much becausealways like an outsider don't know if itwas because I was moving so much ormaybe I just wasn't people's kind ofguided which is not a problem and then Idon't know what just literally got intohigh school and then I was like well Idon't want that happening again it's notsomething one happening teenage hormonesare last like kicking in you know thatwas ragingdifferent kind of world with high schoolyou thinking what's going on here I'velearnedreally from lucky s7 I mean if if I'mhonest when I was in the s7 array I wasbit of know a kid or what Liars used toend up in isolation call hi a lot I'mnot sure well I am sure why but I feellike the school was quite strict as wellso any little minor thing I did wouldbasically be picked up on which is not abad thing I guess it took me to maturemuch quicker and this just kind oflasted to around year 10 I was like wellit ain't about who's got the biggest thebiggest this the biggest bat who can dothis who can do that because the realitydoesn't make any difference at all it'sjust you can crack on with themselvesand look after themselves and then whenI got to about year 11it just kind of semi just came out of myshell bit more because you know kind ofa person that it loves to talk to peopleI'm not sure why always been my thingyou knoweven now this like being on the podcastI read messaging you know I just lovetalking to peoplestead of me being stuck to my fault I'mwell I just beat somebody okay I canintake this knowledge from you how can Iapply this to my life oh you can do itlike this so like Erin you may say to meI'll do it this way and I may not evensing this other perspective because Imaybe so maybe I don't know deleted withmy own which is better for me to realizeobviously social media you know thephones are great but sometimes a lot ofpeople just end up stuck to it evenmyself at times well of course yeah butit was weird because in s7 like good onwords high school wise I always thoughtto myself I am I'm not fitting in itdoesn't make any sense why can I not dowhat they're doing why can I not do whatthe older people I did not realize and Ishould have enjoyed it more in themoment so I was okay cool that's not aproblem and then as soon as I started tocome up my shell but yeah 11 time youknow starts being two more people it waslike a lot more people were coming to mecame to six form where it was prettymuch the biggest change definitely fullycame out my child say I'm you know notin a cocky way oh I'd say I'm quitetalkative bubbly loving and caringperson mm-hmm so I guess it's kind ofcame with some baggage as well because Icouldn't even realize with somebody thatwas trying to maybe mess me around infront of my faceI want to realize because I think theyhave the same heart as me hmm so Iwouldn't even realize anything like thatand then obviously you know that youlive and learn obviously as you growingup and I think for teenagers now it'shard because everybody's trying tosorry for the language but fuck eachother over unless they're really genuinebecause they're like oh I have this ormy dad's got this my mom's got this whatdoes yours has what does your has yourshave I've got this PlayStation you don'thave it oh you don't have it why not oryou know just the little - things whichis you know it's no part of generalgoing on but I guess you don't realizethat until you actually do start to growup and like me going up into a man nobit of an awkward age at the moment 19kind of in the middle teenager turnedinto a young actual man now if you knowme like 18 years the normal designatedage anyways for when they say you were ayoung adult voice you're still in thatin between mm-hm if you know what I meanand then yeah like obviously then I wentto uni as well so just finished my firstyear basically thought I'd stay outfirst year get a bit more independenceand you know again actual experience oflike the halls or whatever like you knowhow everybody hyped up or whatever andit was great experience met some amazingpeople really amazing people some peoplewith some really good hearts but youmeet some give me some weird ones aswell it's really weird people you knowsome people may just want to use andabuse some people actually may want tohang around with you or some people justwant to distract you so you've just gotto make sure that you stay true toyourself and keep with a good heart atall timesso it seems that until at leastUniversity you were trying to one figureout who you are but to also figure outhow people are and I suppose especiallywith the last one it doesn't reallychange I mean I'm a little bit olderthan you but I still go through thatsituation where I'm still trying tofigure out why people are the way theyare or why certain people don't act theways for instance that I act so I willalways go in with good intentions andthen all of a sudden you'll realise thatother people's intent isn't necessarilythe same as yourself so I suppose apiece of advice having gone through thatprobably a little bit more than yourselfis just try and at least be wary ofpeople's intent because some peoplemight come across as almost like thegreatest people that you've ever seenbut then you will find later on oncethey get what they need to extract fromyou as a person you'll find they'll kindof disappear so that's just kind of likea piece of advice but you touched onsome prevalent things that I candefinitelythink about when I was a kid soespecially in the Punjabi culture thewhole drinking and how much can youdrink it's a purely ego thing 100% Ifell into that I fell into almostdamaging my health at the fact of I needto keep up with people when I drinkwhere is now I'd like to think of myselfas slightly more matured if I don'tfancy a drink I would just say that'senough for me and I'll kind of walk awayfrom it but again it's a learning lessona few points I've just made not of aswell that I want to just touch on so youwere always a naughty kid and you'realways I mean you've got yourselfexcluded for trying to bite somebody'snose but then all of a sudden thingsstarted to change and you said somethingwhich I thought was quite important andit was you opened up and the moment youstarted to open up you felt people startto gravitate towards you more I justwant this in relation to that then wasthat a sort of force thing or was thatjust you thinking okay there's no pointme just being this shy person when Ihave so much more to show to the worldobviously I was looking at other peoplethinking how are they doing this why somany people coming to them I'm just youknow I'm worrying too much about otherpeople now you know I actually need tolisten unlike for me and I've alwaysbeen quite open anyways quite if I wantsomething or if I want a fun one andknow something or I want to saysomethingI will say because I just get that offmy parents as well because if they wantto say something they'll just say theydon't they don't be around the bush Idon't see the point either because thenyou're just passing around make it morefuss than need to be so then literally Ijust try to be myself and I was likeokay this about in the year 11 more insix form was around a lot of people arecoming to me and I was like okay this isa bit weird I don't really know how tohandle this and what I found was it justcame with a lot of baggage as wellbecause a lot of people were coming tome but I was like even me me being adumb ass at times I want to realize thatsome people are just there to use me forpopularity or whatever it was and it'sokay though because like I learned fromit like it made me learn that somepeople like you you don't need to hangaround with these people all the timeyou don't need to hang around with apopular crowd it just doesn't make adifference we should be working towardsbetter in the world absolutely I thinkthat's a valid point and just on thatbasis you just reminded me of somethingthat you said earlier as well so yousaid initially obviously you find itdifficult to fit in and then you saidwhich isa problem like literally straight afterand I thought I was that was quite aclever point that you made plus it alsoshows your intelligence that you'rethinking a lot differently because atthat age it is all about fitting in itis all about being the coolest kid onthe block getting the most likes onInstagram and being that that kind ofperson what I want to ask you is whenyou start to be yourself and things weremore positive and obviously you know isthis and you've just explained it do youknow why you wasn't yourself prior tothat I just think are always quite sincesince being young I've always been quiteobservant a bit more like bit or notalways been an awful thinker I'm notsure why I just I've always thought thatI need to be doing more than I need thenI am or I need to be doing pair but youcan't be because like that's that'swhere I got to university now and I'veonly just realized now that you can't beperfect in everything you do and mebeing like a lot of perfectionist when Iwas in school you know I was about toget the best grades etc you know GCSEwas okay you know six form I did quitewell and I just thought you could beperfect but as a human you just can't beperfect so then I started to realizejust be myself I'm always gonna have myflaws as everybody else will have thefloors it just depends who wants to staywith you and still accept your flaws andaccept you you want 100 percent I thinkyou just hit the nail on the head thereas humans you can't be perfect there isno such thing as perfect and this is oneof the things that I suppose even when Istarted this podcast it was to showpeople look I'm just a shy person I'm ananxious person even in this conversationwith yourself on making mistakes um forgetting my words and stuff as well andsometimes it's about embracing yourvulnerabilities your weaknesses and thennext time just trying to be a little bitbetter so I think that's a very goodlesson for anyone in your situation andjust I'm gonna finish it actually onanother thing that you mentioned as wellwhich was when you said in relation tohow people may not have the same intentas you is that it's okay you learn fromit and it sounds easier in hindsight butI think if we can all take ourexperiences your life not not as apersonal attack but more as a sort oflearning experience I think it helpsyour mental sanity a lot more so I'vehad people for example where a similarsituation to yourself where I'm thinkingwhy hasn't that worked out or why is theperson acting in this way that you knowa normal person wouldn't think isethicalor the right way and rather thandwelling on that and then thinking I'mnot worthy of receiving a good person inmy life what I do is I take that as alesson and I think okay fair enough thatperson's got what they wanted out ofthis relationship but next time I'llhave more experience and I'll be wiserfrom it and if a similar type of personcomes along I will know to move on awayfrom that situation if that makes senseyeah like even what I said like it'slike even whoever is it can only be alesson a blessing or like you know likethey're there for life whether it's afriend or a family memberabsolutely absolutely so we've touchedon University and how you've developedin terms of one trying to find outexactly who you are you feel a lot morecomfortable now in the way that you areyou've slid into my DMS you happilyspeak into other people I think that's agreat way that we should be in the worldespecially coming from a very shy personI wish I had the confidence just to kindof put my hand out or just smile atpeople openly in the world because eventhrough my very short experience on thispodcast I've met some incredible peopleand I realize that I'm at my happiestwhen I'm connecting with people and whenI'm getting on with people so I thinkit's fantastic that you're doing that atsuch a young age what have you donesince University or what are you lookingto now achieve moving forward in lifemoving forward obviously on your firstyear Aston University doing businessmanagement great unique kind of thetypical thing probably I'd be void yes Iwant IT typical thing but all in allfrom young always like I'm just alwayswanting to be self-employed it's notthat like okay it's decent working forpeople if they give you decent benefitsbut what I find is that if you cancontrol your own destiny and you canbuild what you want to build him it maynot be something that you know now likeeven me I'm still like what do I dodo I go this way do I go that way it'sstill not no but I guess there's stilltime to figure it out it's not like lifeis short but it's also long as well andyou know there is some days but you'llbe lazy and there's some days where youjust don't have a clue what you do butit's like pretty much everybody's fakingit until they can make it basically intheir own ways which is not a bad thinghow can everybody know what's going onreally because then really trying tofigure themselves out figure where theirfoundations are in the world for me Iwant to build my sample the best I canbemy parents have allowed me to have a lotof freedom and it's right like evenpeople come up to mewhyyou moment that's all like cool withyou what like that my dad is my dadhe'll know when to tell me like straightto the pointbut he'll even have a conversation withme like we're like best friends wish Ilook and the same thing I can do with mymama's also you know I'm glad that hadparents like that got two lovely sistersas well you know they're growing up nowyou don't even realize how much they'regrowing up until you actually see themyou thinking that how did you get tallerit's all a crazy one even myself I lookin the mirror I think where did thisbeard come from I always wanted to be atthis person's got a beard why can I haveone but they just comes in your own timeas everything does absolutely unlike formyself you know I think for the Barrettbarrage I am today like I would say formyself I'm a loving caring humble butmore selective person based on theexperience that I've already had becauselife is already hard as it is life'salready the responsibility is gonnastart ended up piling up anyways sothere's no point it would be negativeyou could have just got to try be aspositive as possible absolutely I thinkthat's really well said and thisactually helped me massively my mindsetand hopefully can help the listeners aswell is the moment I realize that everysingle person is just figuring it outand regardless of their externalappearance or how they seem to have itall together and realize it actuallythey don't and just like you just likeme just like the person listen to thiswe're all just figuring it outnobody's give us the perfect blueprintfor life I don't believe that one existsyeah I think it's brilliant that youknow that on 19 because at 19 I was Ithink I was starting you need do myfirst qualification and I had no ideawhat I was doing I didn't know what Iwanted to become the kind of person Iwant you to be remembered forI was not aligning anything with myvalues on my ethics and this issomething that obviously you're nowgoing through that journey and everyonearound your age is gonna actually gothrough but I think if you can all justtake one lesson away and just know thatyou don't have to have it all figuredout in fact I'm now under a little bitolder where I'm still trying to figureout what am I going to be doing in thenext five years in ten years and whathappens is as we start to grow as peoplethrough our own personal development ourawarenessbe more selective which I thought was abrilliant thing that you pointed out aswell then you're automatically findyourself moving towards things that youlove andyour passion projects hence my podcasthere so I said brilliant and today likeI said you're a lot wiser than I was atyour age hopefully thank you hopefullyyou continue so I was going to ask youabout your routine but I'm prettycertain I know how most uni studentslive their life at uni so here's andthere's nothing wrong with that becauseit's all it's all part and parcel of thejourney I mean my university meeting wasliterally vodka kabobs hangover andwhatever whatever I could find on TV soexactly so I'm not gonna embarrass youabout that but I want to move on tosomething that might be able to givesomebody again some value from thisinterview is about adversity so if youcan think of maybe like a time and Iknow you're still young yet but I stillbelieve that we become the kind ofpeople we are because of the lessons ofthe journeys that we go through so ifyou could think of a lesson of adversityor a problem that you face and then moreimportantly once you've shared that ifyou could just tell us what you learnedfrom it can i this question if I - okaybecause I think what I found has givenme the biggest shock this year isholding on to people okay you knowhaving expectations of people because ittold me a lot this year because you knowyou know how it is lobbying a young ladyou think these are my boys man theseare doing it all I'm gonna do it as wellyou know and it will work in the samecycle and don't get me wrong it's allgood to have your friends your boyswhatever you want to call them but youhave to realize when your energy is notbeing valued or serving you and somebodyif they're not going to value it becausea lot of people are just there to prettymuch just take the mick and they'dalready care what's going on your lifethey just won't know because if youaren't doing better than them thinkingwhy can't I do that myself as well thatyou know again not in an arrogant wayare all like you know I'm friends withgirls I don't see them like anydifferent 2ml you know we're human atthe end of the day and a fun you knowsometimes you know it may sound bad tosay as well you know more for genderequality and stuff but sometimes girlsare just a bit more sensible with theirthinking you're a feeso whereas lads will just be like wellwe'll be looking at each other what doyou want to do your should we have adrink shall we do this mainly it justdepends on the crowd that you surroundyourself with so once you find thatright crowd that's when it will be allgood and well but it's just fine in thatright crowd and finding who you to stayaway from here to stay with you know Iseek quite a lot of validation fromothers as wellwell all in all I don't need to worryabout if it's good for myself and when Ilook back at it now it was good it wasgreat every single timeand if I didn't look at other people allthe time then you know I would havestarted to appreciate myself a lotearlier but now I'm glad that I'm snowyoung and still learning now learningnow that I only need to worry about ifit looks good for me and not anybodyelse because you're the only one thatyou have in this world you know you haveyour family that you keep close friendsyou you know friends are the family thatyou choose and you know y'all needed tocare what you think of yourself as awhole and a fair for you that you canreally trust and that's the bottom linereally for me absolutely Matt I thinkthat's a brilliant point that you justmade there and I think some of the stuffthat you're explaining now isn't stuffthat I believed that we had to gothrough especially my generation or thegenerations older than myself becausethe whole getting validation from yourpeers or getting validation from socialmedia it's become a massive massiveproblem in societyand you also touched on a very goodpoint as well in relation to women beingmore sensitive and more I suppose opento talking about their feelings and thisis something that I really want to tryand work on in the future is getting mento open up about their vulnerabilitiesand talk about their weaknesses and allthings that they struggle with becausemale suicide is far too high for what itshould be in fact it should never bemental health is obviously poor as wellwith males as well and I just think wehave such a bravado and this kind of wehave to show strength all the time thatwe're almost too afraid to kind of speakand it causes problems so I think it'sgreat that maybe it's you as anindividual hopefully it's morewidespread across your community thatyou guys are at least acknowledging thatthere is this lead here in your societyso I think that's brilliant I think it'salso important that anyone in your agerange or anyone going through whatyou're going through doesn't seekvalidation externally it's all aboutreceiving internal validation firstyou've got to love yourself beforeanyone else out they can love youbecause irrespective of what they saywhen it comes down to it you sit in yourown mind on a daily basis on your bottomyour mind can be your best friend or itcan actually be your enemy so you reallyneed to work on that so it's reassuringfor me listening to you to know thatyou're in a much better place understandI mean I think like even how you sayingthey're sorry to cut you off is no noyou can with mental health and you knowthat even as you said the suicide goal Ididn'tthat myself that male suicide is goingup but with mental health like I find itsuch a big cuz even myself like I won'tsit here and I say I haven't been for itmyself I have because I always thinklike you know I've been there in my bedfeeling low as how old you know feelingfeeling rock but I'm thinking you knowand people will say to me what do youhave to stress about you're only 18 19and that's okay that's so cool that'sthere like we used to get on with itback in the day but it's just it's notthe same because we've got all thisaccess to social media nowadays we'vegot people trying to make themselveslook better put like different like youknow brightnesses on their pictures orincrease the brightness of their face ontheir pictures and you know you may meetsome people they don't like this day andthen they're not actually like whatwe've been trying to portray they areand social media and that's what F's itall up because you can't betray yourselfto be something on social media and whenyou meet the person you like well thisperson just the whole different spectrumand with mental health advice it'salways like you can you can do betterthan the other person who you can F overthe other person who can keep on goinguntil some like it's like a it's like arat race like a wolf kind of like a wolfpack sort of thing who can be the thewolf that climbs at the my own first andand all the other ones are trying tolike basically just drag him down andit's hard because you know even withPunjabi community once again they'realways like well if you say to them thatyou have a mental health problem wellthey'll just be like okay no problemjust deal with it yeah I mean it can'tbe that way because I'll getting worsenow and there's only more awarenessabout it now because of social mediawhich the benefits of social media aswell and all this kind of stuff I thinkthat's a that's a great point and againfor the listeners that it's a lot harderand I kind of do sympathise with youguys coming up in this generation wheresocial media has this good parts but ithas this kind of evil tail to it as wellwhere I never had to deal with that sogrowing up for me when I was going touniversity and we were drinking andpartying his sirwe were never worried about taking snapsor or having a whole night out lookingthrough the lens of our phone it wasjust kind of being there in the momentin experience in it and then ourself-worth wasn't pretty much like thatoh absolutely and at the same time ourself-worth wasn't predicated on the factof when we go home at the end of thatnight who got the most likes on that forthe most engagement for example so I'mvery grateful for that and I think it'simportant that you mentioned that but Ijust want to say something else that youmentioned as well because you've said ita few times now and it's probably moreso because of youris that you seen everyone F each otherover because of like you're almostseeing it like a rat race and I thinkthe rat race thing is an important thingand I've tweeted something this morningit was taken from Wayne died and it's avery good quote which i think is quiteuseful for where we are right now inthis show and what he says is we're inpartnership with all other human beingsit's not a contest to be judged betterthan some and worse than others and Ithink if we all sin ourselves a sort ofpartnering up with humans and trying tohelp each other move forward in thislife because at the end of the day we'reall figuring it out as we've touched onearlier I think the world will be insuch a better place but we have thisscarcity mindset where we think in orderfor me to move forward I have to standon somebody else or put somebody elseaside as opposed to saying yeah why do Ihold your hand and we'll move togetherand you're always quicker and strongertogether so I think it's reassuring tohear that you're you've got that mindsetand I think if you remain selective likeyou mentioned earlier I think you'll getthe right network around you toobviously help yourself move forward Ithink what it is as I it's always thatyou've got you right it's always at alland everything as well it's like that'sif you want to create a business rightit's always a trial and everything wherehumans are like you may trust one andthen they may break your trust and youmerge that listen with your whole heartand that's not bad that's not thatshouldn't people shouldn't beatthemselves up if that happens becauseit's a learning lesson that means thatperson wasn't meant to be in your lifeand that means that there's better tocome because even even anyways thatyou've got to have some good days tohave some bad days you've got to havesome bad days to have some good daysit's just as simple as that and you justgotta take the positives that are veryfrom that you can't absolutely meabsolutely yes sir very wise words for a19 year old so appreciate I'll get at meso you're now in your first yearUniversity you've made massive strideswith your talent and your emotionalintelligence is really really high whichis nice to hear what saves you very goodquestioncurrently in my life at the moment whatscares me is not being able to provide acomfortable life for our potentialfuture wife and kids you know not beenough hub I'm a family now my mom dadmy sisters you know they're gonna wantto get married and well yeah I thinkthey're gonna need help with fine likefinance is not the be end and end allbut it does make life with more freedommore comfort so you know if there'ssomething that Idude help them make their life easierand maybe I don't know let's say I hadanother source of income I could give itto them I'd be happy to do that but it'sjust you've got a we're card for thesethings my mom you know she's a teacherherself so you know I always see yesshe's always stressed out so she'salways coming you know she'll be withwork all day she'll be coming back inthe market papers you know tour about9:00 10:00 at night I don't know shedoes it and then repeat the day mybiggest fear is not making their lifeeasier and my biggest fear is not beingable to provide a comfortable life formyself and the family around meI think you've almost answered the nextquestion as well which I was going toask about the motivation so it seemsthat your motivation right now is to beable to successfully graduate and thenprovide different streams of income tofacilitate one obviously your sister'sgetting married helping your parents athome and then obviously giving yourselfthe kind of life that you want as wellyeah because like even for me as welland working under people just kind ofget under my skin a bit to be honest butyou're gonna have to do the minute youagree for a couple years of your lifebecause that's the way it is when you'reyoung as well you know people have toldme that that's the way and you justgotta work hard you've got to keep yourchin up which is not a problemso like currently now I'm working atNando's which is not a problem I'm happyI'm happy for the free Nando's I can'tcomplain but it's a good job for me nowbut could I see myself doing that whenI'm what thirty years old I wouldn'tlike to think so often - because youknow even though it's a good job youknow dealing with customers thatstraight rude or having so much pressureput on you and you know running back andforth running back and forth it's allgood while I'm young but maybe when Iget older maybe I may not just have thatenergy that's interesting firstly I'mhoping I get a free round after thispodcast session is on oh yeah that'sjust as good the weird thing is thereason I'm touching on does is oneeveryone knows I absolutely love Danlosbut tea when I was at university it justopened on Birmingham Broad Street and Iremember sitting there oh I workedliterally all the way through Universityso I went to the same uni as youAston uni and I always had a job noWayans yeah yes I had a job on theweekends and my aim I remember whenNando's opened after trying it I waslike man I really wish I had a job atNano so it's funny how the world worksbut there was a point in time wherehaving a job at Nando's was literally mydream job at least for that period inone yeah time so appreciate where youareappreciate or the good thingbe grateful for everything that's comingyour way now it's taught me like youknow it's told me that hard to grit myteeth who went there a lot of rudecustomers come in so you have to lookafter it like it's like it sounds a bitweird like it's like your own family youhave to keep it clean the place becausethat's where people are going to come inlike you know if you come into the storyyou want to make sure everything isclean you want to make sure the food'son point cannot attend not 9 out of 10because it's not if it's not 10 out of10 then you know you're not going to behappy with the service at all you knowhave a smile on your face and just keepon going like keep your chin up evenwhen it gets hard like even for mesometimes I'll be like I'm just touchingmy forehead thinking flirty arm and Ineed a break but you just got to keep ongoing absolutely me absolutely we'reactually at the fun part the show nowthere is no right or wrong answer butjust try and say the first thing thatcomes in your head we're gonna go inthree two oneif you could abolish one thing in theworld what would it be judgmental peoplepeanut butter and Nutella peanut butteryour biggest role model biggest rolemore mom what would you like to beremembered for being Who I am yourbiggest goal this year to just keep onworking hard no matter how hard it getsyour worst mistake is listening to otherpeople about a certain person if youcould relive one day again what daywould it be 26 of May two years ago whyit was just everybody was therefamily friends you know we was at myhouse and it was just you just wantedmost be of things you know honestly Iread I really loved that day I loved itthe ability to fly or be invisibleinvisible when your fame that's a hardon max I'm thinking well with things youcan get money but then what I say moneyyour favorite food the mix grown andokay speak our languages will be able tospeak to animals animals what song bestdescribes your life Dizzee Rascalbonkers would you rather know how youwould die or when you would die andfinally if you could sit with one personin the world for an hour who would it beprobably my baby my grandma I love thatso the next question it's aboutreflection and I'm a firm believer thathindsight is a wonderful thing and itteaches us ways to get there quickereasier and we're less heartachebut I'm also an avid believer that thejourney teaches us so much as well interms of his lessons so what I want toknow is if you could go back in time toone particular moment knowing everythingthat you know right now and whispersomething to a younger barrage whatwould you say I just said to myself I'dsay barrage do you not worry it will allcome to you in the end you will not endup failing you are not a quitteryou are not inclined to please otherpeople put yourself first say no if youdon't want to do it it's as simple asthatenjoy the present moment more don't looktoo much into the future ruining yourfull process already and don't look backwith pain in your heart these are thebroken pieces of the puzzle which yousaw might end up still piecing togetherhave fun and live life enjoy your youthdon't look too much into girlsalcohol or any other distractions justtry and discipline yourself more keepyourself closed off but keep yourselfliving and humble always may I love thatI want you to do me a favor after thispodcast and actually send me thatwritten form and that was almost likepoetic you mentioned something therethese are the broken pieces and thepuzzle that's still in the piecingtogether but I want to do it just thisso if you can send me that at yourtranscript or what I'll do is I'mactually gonna bring them out separatelyno problem I mean I even I even do havea separate poetry account as well that Ido must like check it out if you haveany time yeah it's on my new profile butit's on its good word under school andschool oh okay check that as wellbrilliant so suddenly that actuallybrings us to the last question and thelast question that I always ask my guessis if in a 150 years time science failsto save us and all that exists is a bookand this book is about you andeverything that you've achieved in yourlife all your weird and wonderful dreamshave been accomplished what I want toknow is firstly what would the title ofthe book say and secondly what would theblurb at the back tell us about you Iwrote yesterday I said you know he waslike I know other he persevered like noother he had himself he was elegantclean hearted charming and crazy hewould always go the extra mile for thosewho were close to his heart at times endup hereall in all he always tried to see thebright side of life the world is alreadytoo cold and entangled in its ownpleasures to not be positiveof that as powerful have you got a titlefor that the title the life of aninquisitive man brilliant me if youwouldn't mind could you give us the bestsources via social media where we cancontact you Instagram I love being oninstagram my instagram is under schoolbeat up for a while its be PU or e w alquite active on snapchat as well is beatup for a while again be pu r e w althey're the main ones I'm active on tobe honest ok no problem so what I'll dois for everyone listening today I'mgonna make sure I put all of the linksso you can contact barrage directly verysocial media as you've probably seenfrom some of these answers today's verypoetic so I'll be following them on hisInstagram poetry handle as well myselfstraight after thisI want to thank Mirage for being openabout his story and sharing it andhopefully this influences and inspiresmany others and I want to thank everyoneat home for listening thank you thankyou and remember this podcast isabsolutely free so all we ask in returnis for you to share this with a friendand drop us a five star review over oniTunes have an awesome day
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