Finding What's True

Ok, so I shared yesterday in my newsletter, that I'm in full perimenopause and it is rough people. The crank abounds over here. I woke up this morning with my head in my hands and just thought "nope, just nope." And we all have those days, you don't have to be hormonal to relate to the feeling of wanting to go hide under your covers for the rest of the day. On today's episode I share a few readings that have helped get me into a place of curiosity and perspective. Being who we are, right where we are, and allowing the story in our head to shift into wonder instead of assumption can be the best path forward. One cranky step at a time my friends. Also, we will be wrapping up this first season of Finding What's True on May 8th! It's been so wonderful to be here with you. I'm taking a note out of Amelia Hruby's playlist and leaning into a more seasonal nature of creating. The plan is to return to the pod in the fall. And so if you would like to stay in touch and hear about all of our adventuring across America this summer head on over to the Newsletter in Substack. You can be a free subscriber and we can stay connected on this awesome and sometimes grouchy journey of Finding What's True. Sending you lots of love. Links to things you may love: Finding What's True newsletter. Let's stay connected all year as we travel from LA to Minnesota in our Winnebago Brave! https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/ Joyful AF by Dr. Erin Baker https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Full-AF-Essential-Business-Strategy/dp/B0BCS9JT73 The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin https://www.shopthelastbookstore.com/book/9780593652886 Maxing out our Humanity speech by Oprah https://www.livinghealthywealthywise.com/max-out-your-humanity/ Off the Grid podcast episode, by Amelia Hruby, on making your work more seasonal https://open.spotify.com/episode/3OHDZDseuzEH7Qe868ofDb?si=-NEQYuj7R6KCaVf68GNDJw

We made some big decisions this week, and then shocker!! We actually acted on them quickly. We have a plan for this summer, a bit of a "no plan" plan but I wouldn't have it any other way. We will be heading out on May 30th and leaving LA on a big ole roadtrip. Destination? Minnesota in the summertime! Mission? To find our new hometown! On today's episode I talk about how joy can be enough to move you forward, if you actually have the gumption to acknowledge it. I was sitting trying to figure out why this plan feels so good vs. some of the other alternatives that we had discussed and I realized it was only because it felt so joyful. I forget about joy. I kind of make of fun of it sometimes or belittle it or mistake it for something else. I've learned this year that of course there is no "wrong way" but lately I've felt that the path paved with the joy that is unique to you (this is important because your joy isn't mine) is the path that leads to your highest and best. Joy has a self-sustaining energy - it's weird. It's spacious. It allows so much of the unexpected to arrive and it makes the ego really uncomfortable so that's always a plus! Annnnd, it's arrival can be enough to set us on a course towards something surprising and wonderful. Even if that surprise is just that we set down the laundry and went for a hike instead. It still counts my friends. Notes from today's conversation: Martha Escuedero | Fuego Storytelling https://www.instagram.com/reclaiminghomes/ Orly Altaras | Women's Circle in Burbank https://www.instagram.com/laraandlou/ Courtney Rice | Sunday Morning Hair https://www.sundaymorninghair.com/ Slow Down Sister Monthly Zoom | April Gathering - on joy Become a paid subscriber for $5 and join the conversation. We'd love to have you. https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/

On today's episode I share some thoughts on the struggle with feeling the push and pull towards and away from the programmed version of myself; the one that thinks it needs to be moving forward on schedule, smoothly (i.e. perfectly) and consistently producing all the life things at all times. Which of course is in direct opposition to the actual human being version of myself which often goes off schedule, is rough and rocky and feels inconsistent most days in it's energy, inspiration or even expectations. Undeniably this can bring up a lot of shame. You may find yourself having a full court press ego interrogation, laying in bed close to tears, just attempting to give yourself permission to come to a full resting stop. But no matter what, we have to remember that ease only ever comes from slowing down, dropping into honesty, finding gentleness and practicing kindness for the truth of what is -- not what should be. And the truth is we can expect to be human, and that is beautiful thing, no matter what state of "production" we're in. Good Things: Head over to my Substack https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/ to see more very slow, radically imperfect attempts at making things while also mothering small humans. 

As some of you know we are leaving California in June of this year. Hmmm, that's not so far away. And right now that's "the plan" ...as in that is all the plan consists of. It used to have more bones but now honestly we don't actually know where we are going or even what kind of house we are going to buy. We THINK we do and then...all of a sudden we get emailed a farmhouse in Michigan and suddenly we don't know ANYTHING anymore. Do I want a small house walking distance to a coffee shop in the Twin Cities or that old farmhouse sitting on five acres with an alpaca yelling at me for breakfast? I don't know! They both sound nice!!  Seriously, our plans are mush. They get built up, we get excited and declare "ok, that's it we're locked in!" and then everything dissolves into the dreamy black hole that is the incessant zillow search combined with my over active imagination. Because here's the thing, my brain is trying to think it all through and as the name of this podcast would suggest, I don't always know what's true for myself. I think I do but then I get all churned up in a fear soup and don't know which way is up or down or any which way around.  And that's the problem with thinking vs knowing; yesterday my daughter was looking very lost in thought and said "Mom...I know why they say you have to get back on the horse...it's because when you're thinking about something you're always going to be afraid but when you're doing the thing you know." From the mouths of babes my friends. So if anyone knows of an alpaca farm that I can try out for a little while...let me know. Lots of love. Good Things: Head over to my Substack https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com/ to see more very slow, radically imperfect attempts at making things while also mothering small humans. 

What would happen if we treated our attention as something sacred?! Amelia Hruby, creator of the Off the Grid podcast and Softer Sounds podcast studio says "You attention is sacred...I invite you to treat yourself and your time as sacred too." This stuck with me; persistently but gently, all week long it's been on repeat in my brain.  In every moment I've heard myself wondering "hmmm, is this what I WANT to pay attention to?" Or more often, "Am I EVEN paying attention right now?" I time travel a lot in my brain - usually into the future. But as Amelia says "Treat yourself and your time as sacred too" and if we can do this it means that there will automatically be a reverence and where there is reverence there is love. Listen in today and let's talk about how it feels to pay attention; to notice, as Rick Rubin says, what draws us in and what pushes us away. Where do we meet ourselves and our moments with love? And how can that bring us more deeply into the personal and specific, could only belong to us, beauty of our lives? Homework Offering (Inspired directly from Rick Rubin's new book): Instead of watching the news this week; read a chapter in a great piece of literature everyday. Report back on how tuning into and paying attention to something beautiful makes you feel. Good Things: Check out Amelia Hruby's Podcast Off the Grid: she talks about how to build a thriving business off of social media, it's a beautiful listen and she is a good human.  https://www.softersounds.studio/off-the-grid Pop-Up Book Club: Head over to Substack by March 10th to come join in all the fun. We're reading Rick Rubin's new book "The Creative Act: A Way of Being."  https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com

We all have intuition. It's the little voice that says "Hey, maybe you call that person, take this route instead of that one, sign up for that class, make this thing because you love it...not for any other reason,"...or in the case of my guest today, Orly Altaras, "Maybe you should sit on this bench" (she tells a great story about this). When we listen to the whisper, when we let go of why and how, we find ourselves swimming in the magic of synchronicity. It takes courage my friends but it's where we will find all the good things that are way beyond what we think is possible for us. My guest today is Orly Altaras. Orly is a spiritual medium connecting people with their loved ones who have passed. She also teaches beautiful courses, guiding people to overcome their limiting beliefs, giving them tools to use their intuition, everyday, in the pursuit of clarity and purpose. Today's chat goes deep into the divine guidance system that is our intuition; the prayer of our hearts nudging us home. I hope you enjoy the conversation. Links:  To learn more about Orly's work visit her website: https://www.laraandlou.com/products/from-intuition-to-fruition or follow her on IG @laraandlou  More good things:  For more Finding What's True inspiration visit my Substack. It is truly wonderful; writings, poems, videos, drawings of my hands that look more like sticks. It's a good place to roll around in thoughts on what's true, what we make, and how to show up imperfectly in spite of it all. Join us on March 5th @ 1pm pst for the monthly Slow Down Sister zoom session. This will be a gathering to commiserate and conversate on all the ways we can slow down, tune in and live a life that is less miserable and more true to ourselves. https://findingwhatstrue.substack.com  

My "little sister" (I put this in quotes because there's nothing small about her - she's 5''11' and larger than life most days) and I talk on today's episode about feeling lost early in life, seeking what brings you peace and joy, the slow journey to finding your meaning, and letting go of the worry around other people's judgements. Often we see someone doing life in a way that "we could never imagine" for ourselves; and that's only because that way of life isn't true for us. It wouldn't fit. But we compare and romanticize other people's lives finding questioning their choices, muttering to ourselves perhaps "sheesh, what is she trying to prove?" because we're afraid somehow that we're falling short of an idea that perhaps we don't even subscribe to. Everyone has days where they fall short, and that person we're comparing ourselves agains often is not in any kind of place of wanting to prove anything, they're simply taking the step by step everyday journey towards what honest to goodness brings them joy; if you're my sister, that means, parenting six kids hitting the CrossFit gym and waking up at 6am to milk a long haired cow. 

Ok, so a bad day -- no one actually wants one. We want the good kind, where our kids are all angels, the chores all get done (like some sort of Mary Poppins, spoonful of sugar musical number) and everything feels golden and rainbowie (is this a word? i'm not sure).  But here's the thing, in the words of Kabbalah teacher David Ghiyam "a good day is a good day...but a bad day... can be a really really good day."  And here's why; on the good days we get to rest, feel great, and maybe pat ourselves on the back for being so lucky to be living our blessed life...and we need these kinds of days, they're wonderful.  But a bad day, say for instance where your cat pees on every bed in the house, then your kid also pees on your bed, while you're trying to get ready for company, and while you were already overwhelmed and almost brought to tears by the simple task of trying to make a grocery list...this kind of bad day can be really really great. The greatness comes in the pause. IF we can pause (and I would say right now I only pause 50% of the time so there's that) and go hmmmm, interesting. "I wonder why is this in my movie? what a pleasure I get to overcome this freaking challenging day" (also another David Ghiyam quote except for the freaking part). This is an opportunity to practice!! Ahhh, I get to practice letting go of the need to control, practice sitting in discomfort, practice patience...whatever it is that we specifically / uniquely need to work on. When we have these "bad days", it is more often than not, a custom made scenario (from a loving universe) for us to work on our "s*#t". For instance in the face of seemingly insurmountable cat pee reeking laundry, we can stop and say "ohhhhh, this is gunna be a great day. I am not reacting to this and I am building and practicing my patience, letting go of the need to control -- i'm feeling like a super hero over here and oop, look there...I just found my sense of humor...I've been looking for that all week."

Hey friends, I survived my second solo-parenting week! Woohoo! Thanks to everyone who checked in on little old me. You're the best.  Today's episode is for all the folks out there juggling ten things, feeling completely overwhelmed, but simultaneously entertaining the idea of changing it up and learning to juggle rings of fire as well. Don't do that my friends. It's OK to set "it" down. There's SOMETHING (probably a few things) on your list that you can eliminate. I'm sure of it.  We get ask ourselves how we're feeling, and then care about the answer we receive. We get to listen to that inner voice and get ruthless about cutting away what doesn't work for us. Allowing ourselves to imagine what our this feels better day would look like. And following that truth no matter if it means our very exciting fire juggling show just got revised to throwing one ball (slowly) up in the air and catching it. Lots of love. 

I tried to set down my "practice" this week friends; my writing, reading, drawing, making practice. It was all in the interest of what was going to be convenient while facing a solo parenting week. I sensibly decided I would sleep in and not even try to do any of my work. I thought I could just step out of the practice (it would be temporary after all) for a minute and imagined myself wearing my one mom hat walking through the week all easy breazey; ya know, to make it easier on me. Needless to say it did not go so well. On today's episode I'm asking the question how do we find a way to integrate our needs, our practice, our work, our time to connect with that higher version of ourselves when it's not even a little bit convenient? Especially when we know through lived experience that showing up for these needs is a non-negotiable. How do we take several non-negotiables (creativity and mindful parenting) and weave them together in a way that allows us to still hold onto ease and joy. I think it's different for everyone, perhaps a bit of a moving target, and is very much at the heart of what we need to answer to find a life that's true and uniquely ours.

How much sleep does a 44 year old woman actually need in order to string coherent sentences together? This is the question of the week...perhaps of my lifetime. I've been stealing time...taking it from my "sleep time" to use as my "work time" and I gotta confess it's catching up with me. So, what I've been wondering is, can we "make" time...just like a real life thing...sitting there...like a sandwich? One that we will get really excited about sitting down to eat everyday. Ya know, layering it just the right way so that the chips sit inside the bread and you get that soft but crunchy bite that makes you instantly want to reach for a pickle and then a sip of iced tea? I think it's all in the ratios. You don't want things slipping out all over out the sides; you gotta be able to hold the whole thing in your hands. So here's where I'm at; I want to enjoy my day. I don't want to feel tired when I'm with my kids or feel like I'm trying to sneak away from the rhythms of our family time to dip into "me time." But the "me time" must happen (daily) in order for me to actually be a version of myself that my kids will enjoy spending time with. It's a conundrum but I think it can be done; it may involve stretching the time space continuum but it's possible. I've got more questions than answers but let's talk about it.

Procrastination station; the music on this particular station lulls you into thinking there is a better more perfect time to do the thing you want to do. Right now is not the right most perfect time to accomplish x, y, or z. You will probably tell yourself you have other very important things to do (other than the thing you've said you really want to get done) like go buy parsley or clean your floors. I once waited all semester to write my one page play per week for a playwriting class. I had one week to write something like 32 plays. Let me tell ya the adrenaline was high and the joy was low. I'm a procrastinator; albeit a recovering one.  On today's episode I talk about my experiences with this particular hostage taker. This week I launched my Substack newsletter but not without a good deal of procrastination all the way up to the last week. We had illness in the house and I definitely used it as an excuse to put off doing the thing I wanted to do but was scared to actually do...which was sit my butt down and write. For me procrastination is always connected to perfectionism...and I deep sense of dread that when I sit down to do the thing I want to do I will be frozen and nothing will happen. Also that when I do share the the thing I'm working on my life will implode upon itself like some giant black hole of shame. Dramatic right. None of this has ever actually happened by the way. Something always happens when you sit down and give yourself the time to do the things you want to do. And I have definitely never experienced an apocalypse after making something, doing something, or finishing something.  I also talk about Lynda Barry's book Syllabus. After reading this book I had one of those; I can't believe this human has been alive and teaching and making things and I never knew she was here until now. I love it when that happens. Now I want to move to Wisconsin and audit all of her courses and bring her candy. I'll be diving into this book this week and sharing some of the magical stuff she has been exploring on social and Substack.  Link to the Substack baby below: https://open.substack.com/pub/findingwhatstrue/p/beginners-club?r=1prog3&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web Have a great week my friends, lots of love. 

Determined doesn't always look like what you think (bathrobe, tea, Honda CRV homemade sound booth - check, check, and check). Finding what's true isn't always within reach when you're just thinking about whatever you are trying to figure out, do, become etc. That truth we feel in our body, which is so ultimate, doesn't become available until we move into the EXPERIENCE of the thing. On today's episode I talk about slowing down, paying attention, and telling the truth but more importantly telling that truth from an experience moved into only because of determination. We have to move into the experience of what we desire in order to tell the truth about ourselves. When we do this we are coming from a place of love not fear and that means we are healing - even in a bathrobe, in our garage, at three in the morning.  The Newsletter is launching next Sunday my friends. I'll share I am no more ready today than I was last week but off we go! Tuning the dial to love not fear and doing the thing you love, even imperfectly, will always lead to more true and beautiful things. Go get em. Stay determined and true. Lots of love this week. 

Well my friends, my New Year didn't start out as I had anticipated. I got physically sick New Years eve with some sort of strange vague bug which put me on the couch and then woke up New Years day with a full on depressive episode. If I was a superstitious person, which I totally am, I'd say these are questionable omens. I've experienced depression since as long as I can remember (literally my first memories are of me looking up at my house as a four year old, squinting and thinking "what's the point of all this?" My early memories truly feel like an episode of Wednesday Adams on repeat. I was a delight let me tell ya) but I still forget what I need to do when it shows up to get out of it. It always feels like someone just flipped a light switch; Sarah's light is gone now and what we have left is just a dark quiet room; nothing to see here, just close the door and keep on moving. And in order to find that light switch I usually have to crawl around in the dark for a bit but I also have to remember as Glennon Doyle says "to take my damn meds." On today's episode I talk about depression, taking your "meds" (not simply the pharmaceutical kind), feeling around until you find that switch that needs flipping, and remembering to show up even when we feel like staying (aka hiding) in the dark. Lots of love.

On today's episode I tell a short story about the size of an eight year olds heart (infinite), barnacles, and how loving small things fiercely actually allows us to be larger than life. Lot's of love my friends.