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Flusterclux: Fix Anxiety With Lynn Lyons LICSW

Flusterclux: Fix Anxiety With Lynn Lyons LICSW

Author: Robin Hutson, Lynn Lyons LICSW

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Parenting isn't easy in the best of circumstances, and 2020 will challenge every parent to support the emotional health of their kids and themselves.

Lynn Lyons, therapist, author, and speaker is one of the world's experts on helping parents, kids, and teens manage anxiety. She talks with co-host and sister-in-law Robin Hutson in a weekly podcast free of psychobabble and full of concrete advice.

Flusterclux represents that feeling of overwhelm and tells parents how to better manage their worry and big feelings like anger and sadness so that they are modeling healthy emotional awareness. In each episode, Lynn answers listener questions and gives parents concrete strategies for developing the traits that are their kids' best defenses against anxiety and depression later in life: flexibility, resilience, autonomy, and problem solving.

Find us at
flusterclux.com
https://www.facebook.com/flusterclux
https://www.instagram.com/flusterclux/

33 Episodes
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"It'll be okay."  "Everything will be fine."  "I'm right here."Our kids turned to us for reassurance, and anxious kids ask for a lot of it. When we tell them everything will be fine, it feels like the right thing to do in the moment. But is it? How does our well-meaning reassurance interfere with our children developing critical psychological skills? And what should we do instead?We'll answer that question in this week's episode of Flusterclux with Lynn Lyons, the show for real talk about worry and other big feelings in parenting.Lynn Lyons  0:32 Hi, I'm Lynn Lyons. I'm an anxiety expert, speaker, Mom and author. I've been a therapist for 30 years.Robin Hutson  0:38 You're here because your family has some anxiety issues, or you want to prevent them. I'm your co-host and Lynn's sister in law, Robin, and I'm here to ask your questions.Lynn Lyons  0:47 Parenting can be a Flusterclux, and I'll help you find your way.There are so many things that we do for our kids, things that are loving and caring and supportive. Things that feel intuitive. Things that we know make our kids feel better. Oh, but if you've heard me talk about these things, oftentimes when it comes to worry and anxiety, there are a few of these things that get a little bit tricky, a little bit sticky. And we're going to talk about one of those. Today, we're going to talk about reassurance.Watch the What I know What I don't Know video on Lynn's Facebook page of her explaining the game.Manage Your Kids' Screen TimeThe Circle lets you set daily limits for different apps and social media. It also controls your kid's Wi Fi schedules, and you can adjust age appropriate filters for searches from little kids to teens. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off a Circle. Join the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you can ask your question on a future episode.New episodes arrive Friday at 12:00AM EST. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram.Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube.
We'll hear a lot of hype about gratitude with the holidays coming. We'll go over how gratitude is proven to help you and how you may have been thinking about it all wrong. What are gratitude's powers? And what are its limits? And one listener asks what to do for her usually studious freshman, who's suddenly indifferent to high school and grades this year. Recommended talks on gratitudeBrian Doyle, 365 Days of Thank youLouie Schwartzberg, Nature. Beauty. Gratitude.Laura Tice, Remember to Say Thank YouMichael Norton, How to Buy Happiness Manage Your Kids' Screen TimeThe Circle lets you set daily limits for different apps and social media. It also controls your kid's Wi Fi schedules, and you can adjust age appropriate filters for searches from little kids to teens. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off a Circle. Robin reads Lynn a listener question on what to do for a usually studious freshman who's suddenly indifferent to high school and grades this year.Join the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you can ask your question on a future episode and to learn more about the origins of Chip and Dale and the Chippendale dancers.New episodes arrive Friday at 12:00AM EST. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram.Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube.
Anxiety is loud and messy. And it's physical, and it brings with its diarrhea and vomiting and headaches and tummy aches and hives, and all sorts of physical symptoms that can really confuse kids and parents alike.2:08  Robin references Lynn's video that breakdown the physical process of anxiety for kids. 19:23  The Circle lets you set daily limits for different apps and social media. It also controls your kid's Wi Fi schedules, and you can adjust age appropriate filters for searches from little kids to teens. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off a Circle. 19:34 Robin reads Lynn a listener questionJoin the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you can ask your question on a future episode.New episodes arrive Friday at 12:00AM EST. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram.Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube.
When your middle schooler is the opposite of a perfectionist— dirty hair, dirty room, indifference to academics, we discuss. And how do you parent your anxious kids in front of unsupportive in-laws? We’ll answer that question in this week’s episode of Flusterclux with Lynn Lyons, the show for real talk about worry and other big feelings in parenting.1:01 Robin asks Lynn a question from a listener who was reacting to the perfectionism episode a few shows back. Her middle schooler is the opposite of a perfectionist embracing sloppiness and mediocrity.14:53 Lynn references Robin’s travel website Luxe Recess. 18:57 Robin shares why she uses a circle to manage her kids screen time. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off a Circle. 17:41 Robin reads a listener question about a mother-in-law who is unsupportive and passive aggressive.19:38 Lynn references her mentor Michael Yapko and his saying there’s a difference between something that impacts you personally, and something that you have to take personally.26:26 Robin references Lynn’s books and videos as resources for parents and grandparents to get on the same page helping an anxious child. 29:46  Join the Flusterclux Facebook group, so that you can ask your question on a future episode.New episodes arrive Friday at 12:00AM EST. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram.Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube.
Winter is coming; let's talk about how to prevent depression. While 2020 has put anxiety center stage, there are risk factors that can bring about depression, too. What are they? And if you have them, what can you do? We'll answer that question in this week's episode of Flusterclux with Lynn Lyons, the show for real talk about worry and other big feelings in parenting.15:16 Lynn references Michael Yapko, one of her professional mentors.29:17 Robin reads a listener question about a 13-year-old who sought treatment for social anxiety in the past. Since COVID, she’s become more withdrawn, eating less and just not interested in going anywhere. How does one know if she really is fine or if it’s more serious like depression.38:46 So, join the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you have an opportunity to ask Lynn, your question for an upcoming episode. And that’s Flusterclux with an X.SUGGESTED READING LISTBreaking the Patterns of Depression by Michael YapkoAdvice I Ignored: Stories and Wisdom from a Formerly Depressed Teenager by Ruby WalkerFeeling Great: The Revolutionary New Treatment for Depression and Anxiety by David BurnsNew episodes arrive Friday at 12:00AM EST. Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram.Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube. 
:40 Lynn cites the American Psychological Association research, 68% of adults say currently that the election is “a significant source of stress.”19:39 Lynn references a past episode that talks about when parents argue  and model a resolution verses the vitriol of political debates among family members.29:04 And Robin recommends all three seasons of Long Way Up starring Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman as an antidote for election anxiety.30:22  Lynn recommends the Dolly Parton documentary Here I Am on Netflix.32:20 please join the Flusterclux Facebook group. And we want to let our listeners know that we are switching our schedule, and new episodes arrive Friday at 12:00AM EST. Episode 27 arrives October 23rd.Follow Flusterclux on Facebook and Instagram.Follow Lynn Lyons on Twitter and Youtube.
1:13 We’re going to do a progress report for students this fall.4:04 HOW TO SUPPORT YOUNG LEARNERS THIS FALL7:15 MIDDLE SCHOOLERS AND REMOTE LEARNING13:01  HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE, and ACADEMIC PRESSURE17:56 Our affiliate link will get you $20 off a Circle to manage your kids’ screen time at home. 18:22  A LISTENER QUESTION: THE CHILD THERAPIST RELATIONSHIP“I have a 17 year old daughter with general and social anxiety that is seeing a licensed mental health professional for about nine months now. I’ve now realized this professional is not making any headway with my daughter’s anxiety. How do I end the relationship with this therapist? My daughter does like her, and 1) find a new therapist that can truly help my daughter and 2) not cause my daughter’s anxiety to go into a tailspin with a new therapist and possibly damage our relationship.”24:59 WHAT TO ASK A CHILD THERAPIST FOR ANXIETYLynn goes over the questions parents should ask any potential therapist for their child. She goes over recommended approaches for anxiety and OCD. 27:36 Robin and Lynn discuss their obsession with watching Masterclass  lessons.33:22 Join the Facebook group so that you can ask Lynn your question on future episodes.Follow Flusterclux on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.
0:55 Lynn mentions an eating disorder called avoidant restrictive food intake disorder that came out in the latest edition of the DSM five, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Fifth Edition of Psychiatric Diagnosis.6:22 Robin shares a parenting hack to introduce new fruits or vegetables to young children.8:47 Robin suggests a game called eat your face, where you take a variety of cut up fruits and vegetables to start design facial expressions.14:06 Robin asks Lynn if picky eaters are grasping for control because they do not feel that have autonomy.26:52 Lynn describes what isn’t a picky eater.28:18 Robin references Lynn’s books, Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents.Use the Circle to manage your kids screen time. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off a circle. I love it.30:59 Listener Question about the pandemic affecting a child's memory.Join the Facebook group so you can ask your question to Lynn in a future episode.Closing Music Courtesy of Susie Tallman, "Apples & Bananas"
1:09 Lynn describes the connection of perfectionism and anxiety in adults and kids she treats and suggests parents start looking at themselves and the messages around perfectionism they are sending.Robin references the book The Conscious Bride.11:23 Lynn mentions the episode when she refers to the marital snort.13:52 Lynn discusses the connection between perfectionism and procrastination and signs of perfectionism in children.23:30The Circle is what we use to manage our kids’ screen time. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off a circle device for your home.23:37 Robin reads a listener question for Lynn to answer about two girls who have anxiety of getting shots.31:03 Robin references the co-parenting episode in relation to loading the dishwasher.32:03 We talk about family silliness and the idea of embracing the messy33:14 We encourage you to join our Facebook group so that you can submit a question for a future episode with Lynn.
Lynn references the three prior episodes on the arc of diagnosis in anxiety and depression and what to notice in your child and what to do if you have a diagnosis and helping your child get the best treatment.3:02 Robin mentioned in one of our first episodes the powerful that when children see us being playful, it’s telling them that they are safe— that the world is okay.3:45 Lynn references an amazing podcast on bias with Jordan Harbinger and mentions Paul Eckman’s work on micro-expressions.14:41 Robin talks about blogger Tania Lamb and her Halloween costumes, and I think she has a Facebook Live show, and her website is called Lola Lambchops.20:58 Lynn shows the family culture of comedy giving James Corden and his parents as examples of two people who love to laugh.22:30 We talk about teasing being toxic and not to exploit a child’s suffering, referencing Jimmy Kimmel’s annual Halloween candy prank as something not to do. But we are all for pranking adults like young woman who got her wisdom teeth out and her brothers picked her up and convinced her there was a zombie apocalypse.LISTENER QUESTION23:03This listener question is from a mom of three teens who are home with remote learning. She wants to know how to keep her kids engaged with work, and wonders how much nagging it acceptable to keep everyone on track while also working from home.MANAGE YOUR INTERNET WITH A CIRCLE34:13It lets you set daily limits for different apps and social media. It also controls your kids’ Wi Fi schedules, and you can adjust age appropriate filters for searches from little kids to teens. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off of a Circle. I love it.34:30Lynn brings up the discussion of fears from the week prior and explains why she is afraid of rats and the role the movies in our heads play in conjuring fear. Robin is afraid of sharks.36:53 Join the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you can ask your question on a future episode.
Join the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you can ask your question on a future episode.Suggested ReadingDon't Say That Depression Is Caused by a Chemical ImbalanceStressors and chemical imbalances: Beliefs about the causes of depression in an acute psychiatric treatment sample.Suggested ViewingLynn Lyons' Teen Anxiety and Depression WebinarMichael Yapko's Keys to Unlock Depression: Why Skills Work Better Than Pills 
1:00  Lynn provides an overview of getting a child a mental health diagnosis and asks th4e questions all parents should consider. How do you get one? Do you need one?8:26 Lynn explains the right way to think about a diagnosis and its role in treating a child or teen. She explains a child’s diagnosis is often a family diagnosis and references the book Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents that give families a roadmap after an anxiety diagnosis.She talks about how a depression, anxiety or ADHD diagnosis affects all members of the family and how to stop accommodating the diagnosis.12:47 We talk about siblings of the diagnosed child and how they experience the disorder.17:28 Robin talks about why she love her Circle to manage screen time with her kids. Our affiliate link will get you $20 off of a Circle.18:10 Robin reads a listener question by a parent who is married to someone with anxiety and depression that has increased from the stress of two children, one with special needs and work.Lynn shares references for couples therapy: Michelle Wiener-Davis, and Terry Real.ADDITIONAL BOOKS AND PODCASTS FOR PARENTS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS KIDSShut Up About Your Perfect Kid: A Survival Guide for Ordinary Parents of Special ChildrenShut Up About Your Perfect Kid PodcastThe Mama Bear podcastJoin the Flusterclux Facebook group so that you can ask Lynn a question in a future episode. The podcast launched with the temporary name A Mom's Retreat in April 2020 for its pilot season.Find us at flusterclux.comhttps://www.facebook.com/flustercluxhttps://www.instagram.com/flusterclux/
Parenting isn't easy in the best of circumstances, and 2020 will challenge every parent to support the emotional health of their kids and themselves.  Flusterclux represents that feeling of overwhelm and tells parents how to better manage their worry and big feelings like anger and sadness so that they are modeling healthy emotional awareness.Lynn Lyons, therapist, author, and speaker is one of the world's experts on helping parents, kids, and teens manage anxiety. She talks with co-host and sister-in-law Robin Hutson in a weekly podcast free of psychobabble and full of concrete advice. In each episode, Lynn answers listener questions and gives parents concrete strategies for developing the traits that are their kids' best defenses against anxiety and depression later in life: flexibility, resilience, autonomy, and problem solving.Find us atflusterclux.comhttps://www.facebook.com/flustercluxhttps://www.instagram.com/flusterclux/   The podcast launched with the temporary name A Mom's Retreat in April 2020 for its pilot season.Find us at flusterclux.comhttps://www.facebook.com/flustercluxhttps://www.instagram.com/flusterclux/
Show Notes0:34 Lynn and Robin discuss the new season of Flusterclux and describe who the podcast is for. Lynn describes emotional management as a goal for her therapy clients and her own family and why it is such a critical skill to strengthen relationships and prevent loneliness.6:10 Robin and Lynn discuss the reason behind the name change from A Mom’s Retreat to Flusterclux.8:46 Robin asks Lynn how families can tell if anxiety and anxious patterns are creeping into a household as a result of the stress of 2020. Lynn talks about rigidity and routine and explains the critical importance of flexibility within a routine for children and teens.19:06 Robin asks Lynn how parents should be talking to their children about fall schedules to make room for its possibilities of changing.21:53 Robin asks Lynn if there are better ways to talk to teens about school this fall than others to promote flexibility and adaptability.Lynn asks listeners a critical question she suggests all families ask themselves about the pandemic.24:19 Lynn answers a listener question about a child who gets anxious being on camera and needs a reassurance that remote learning cannot provide.Lynn talks about the skill to develop around accepting criticism and social anxiety’s fear of judgement.30:12 Lynn shares stories of her husband’s past whistling  and then shows off her own whistling talents.32:10 Join our Facebook group so that you can submit a question for a future episode with Lynn.We thank our sponsor Milestones Pediatric Therapy Center.Find us atflusterclux.comhttps://www.facebook.com/flustercluxhttps://www.instagram.com/flusterclux/Show music by Peter Sandberg.
Show Notes:037 Robin reads the first of three listener questions in the episode. the first question. A mom asks how to help her six-year-old son who says other kids hate him.Lynn provides guidance on improving social skills as a life-long challenge, learning to take criticism, and learning to play with more flexibility.12:06 The second listener question involves a family who experienced a traumatic accident while hiking together when a boulder crushed their daughter. They are trying to help her overcome her PTSD and flashbacks from the accident.Lynn discussing how to create mental distance from the event, avoid globalizing the event, and how to support the family’s different preferences of healing.26:40 Robin reads the 3rd listener question about encouraging flexibility in a 4 year old.27:07 Lynn teaches parents how to encourage flexibility in their children using the wall of flexibility and uncooked spaghetti.31:44 Robin and Lynn discuss the Annie’s Mac and Cheese stage of parenting33:42 Robin mentioned Lynn’s book Anxious Kids Anxious Parents that she wrote with Reid Wilson.Season 2 begins with new name next week!33:06 Lynn mentions this is our last episode before we launch Season Two next Monday, 8/31/20 with a brand-new name. If you are a subscriber, it will be a seamless transition. Make sure that you subscribe on whatever platform you listen to the podcast on.And also at 8:30PM on Sunday night, August 30, join us on the Mom’s Retreat Facebook page for a live Facebook get together where we will give have giveaways and share announcements about new content coming for Season 2.So please join us this Sunday, August 30th at 8:30PM EST. See you then!Find us at www.amomsretreat.comhttps://www.facebook.com/amomsretreathttps://www.instagram.com/amomsretreat/https://twitter.com/Amomsretreat
0:49  Robin reads the first question from listeners.Hi, I’m a school counselor in an elementary school. The return to school has many parents, myself included, anxious. With that said, how do you suggest I coach parents on supporting students prior to the return date? We know kids are picking up their cues from the adults. They’re surrounded by and many times those adults are unintentionally feeding student fears. How can I assist a family member and myself who’s super stressed and anxious, but is unwilling or unable to change patterns?7:44  Lynn talks about the importance of positive expectancy in our language with our children.9:44 Lynn gives in home and at school ways to create ritual for a new school year.12:10  Lynn talks about why academics are NOT the priority this fall, and has a special message for parents concerned about their children falling behind academically.15:49 Robin reads the second listener question about teacher anxietyI facilitate the majority of our building-based professional development as I try to think about what the fall will look like, and I really can’t. We have a few teachers we’re really concerned about in regards to their emotional health and readiness for in-person instruction. My principal and I have discussed this at length, how do we address this with them gracefully without putting them over the edge and make them feel supported? We think they could really use some professional help. What can we do?19:17  Robin referenced one of Lynn’s Facebook Live videos talking about feeling back to school anxiety for the first time: “the worry rookies”.21:13  Robin talked about this Facebook post that was a letter from nurses to teachers.22:03 Lynn talks about not misplacing anger or blame on the school situation but to model empathy.Get inspired by our summer guide in order to make some memories or celebrate the start of school.
0:31  HOW TO HELP SIBLINGS STOP FIGHTING“How to best deal with sibling fights being stuck at home for such an extended time. All the extra emotions everyone is feeling siblings are fighting way more than usual. What can I do?”0:54 Lynn differentiates between the two kinds of sibling fights. One is that it’s mostly verbal and yelling and calling each other names or arguing over who gets to sit where on the couch, etc. And the other is when they get physical, and so somebody is in danger of getting hurt.7:42  AVOID “BOYS WILL BE BOYS” THINKINGLynn explains the negative impact tolerating violence causes and how to set limits to curb it.13:49  The Montessori school cure all o9f a little Dixie cup of water14:30 A WORKING MOM WITH AN EMPTY TANK“As a working mom with two children under five, I’ve noticed a significant change in my own frustration, tolerance, and increased exhaustion and anger during the quarantine. Aside from taking a walk with the stroller, time alone or spending  any time on myself is just nonexistent. And neither child sleeps through the night consistently. What strategies can I employ at home to be less emotionally reactive?”15:09 Start with sleep. We did a whole episode on sleep,19:11  The playifcation on relaxation with tingly head massagers that are in the shape of a tulip.22:09 Join our Facebook group where you can submit your own questions to Lynn for a future episode. We’re relaunching this podcast August 31st for a second season under a new name. Follow our social media. That’s where you’ll learn about the new name first.
For our summer bonus episodes, Lynn is answering  listener questions. "Help. I do not recognize my newly turned 13-year-old, she is exhibiting behavior I never would have anticipated. She has a thrill for adrenaline and constantly asking me about stupid things I did as a kid, and I feel like I'm mourning the sweetest little girl I've ever known. She recently confessed that she has attempted cutting which absolutely floored me."Lynn talks about how to help your teenagers develop skills to say no to their friends and how to show empathy without imitating their friends who have self destructive habits.Lynn mentions her webinar, Teens, Anxiety, and Depression, for teens and parents for families who feel that their children are struggling during this age.Robin references Lynn's Facebook Live video about the stresses of fall school and how parents are trying to manage the choices of going back to school this fall.If you have a listener question for Lynn, be sure to join the podcast Facebook group to submit one.
 The research shows this pandemic has been disruptive to our families in significant ways. It's putting our marriages and relationships to the test. Collegial coparenting is critical. So as we share the parenting load, there are traps we all fall into with our partners and spouses. Lynn talks  about asking for help in the right way, dropping defensiveness,  resentment, and  learning not to take the wrong things personally.In this episode Robin references Deb Perelmen's article in the New York Times: "In the Covid-19 Economy, You Can Have a Kid or a Job. You Can’t Have Both."Robin also references an episode of Celebrity Wife Swap but could not remember who starred in the episode. It was actually the premiere episode featuring Carnie Wilson and Tracey Gold.When referencing the movie This is 40 by Judd Apatow, Robin speaks of her past as a travel writer and how she's trying to bring the feeling of a vacation into the home.And if you need some inspiration, we have that summer episode guide from last week with all sorts of ways to create some family fun.The end song is Susie Tallman's Kookaburra, from one of her many outstanding children's albums.
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