Footballland

Come help us build the world's first football theme park, Footballland!Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given 1 Billion US Dollars by the state of Qatar, to build the world's first football theme park in Qatar, to be ready in time for World Cup 2022. Unfortunately, Anthony has never built a theme park before, so he's enlisted the help of his friend and colleague Mark Davison. Unfortunately, Mark Davison has no experience of building theme parks either, but by this point it's too late to give the money back, as they've spent some of it on a new laptop and a really nice pen.Every week Anthony and Mark will plan out their football theme park and take ideas and ride designs from special guests including comedians, footballers, musicans and journalists, none of whom have any experience building theme parks.Come join us at Footballland! "Our Goal Is Your Dreams!" "Where Dreams Are Kicked About!" "Come In And Kick The Magic!" "The Beautiful Game (Park)!" "Come Score Some Pleasure!"Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandWhile No. 10 have been partying, your executives at Footballland have been knuckling down to design the world's first football theme park in Qatar in time for the World Cup 2022 in Qatar in Qatar. That's right - if this were a Zoom quiz, our specialist subject would be inventing FUN. And what's more fun than a giant fibreglass Steve Bruce with a working flushable toilet? Here are your rides this week:Steve Bruce: Victorian Gentleman We at Footballland will make sure Steve Bruce isn't out of a job for long. The wonky nosed one will join the park as head of customer service, where he'll sit inside a giant version of himself. Will he need the toilet? Yes. Will there be a toilet inside his costume? Yes. Is that toilet in the shape of a dinosaur's tail? Also yes. The West Ham Bubble Ride West Ham fans love bubbles, don't they? So let's fill giant pods with helium and let Hammers fans float around the park until they've ingested all said helium and crashed back down to earth in a glorious metaphor of their own club's fortunes! Sweeper KeeperLord Sir Chief Ride Engineer Mark Davison has designed a fun game to recreate the sweeper keeperiness of our modern day shot-stoppers. It's part erasable whiteboard, part barbershop and the queue for the ride takes AGES. As ever, send us your ride ideas to the usual address. We love you. Anthony, Mark and Ryan Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Greetings Footballlanders!Fantastic news! Over the weekend we chatted with a guy whose flatmate was from Qatar. He said that they’re counting down the days until the world’s first football theme park opens in their country, and all anyone can talk about is how many seconds they’re going to last on Steve Mechanical Bull. We’re beyond excited at bringing our vision to Doha, and all for the cut price of 1 billion dollars minus the price of a laptop and a nice pen. This week we’re proud to unveil THREE new rides:The Diving HeaderRyan, our intern turned co-president of Footballland, has made a bold claim. He claims that his new ride, The Diving Header, is not only the best ride at the theme park, but it also has the best queuing system of all time. But Mark is unimpressed. Will the best ride idea ever even be voted into the park?Eddie Howe’s Supermarket SweepMark has been playing too much Fifa Ultimate Team and watching too much daytime TV. The result is a mad dash around a football supermarket picking android clones of elite footballers off the shelves. Will they be too damaged to play? Will they get horny after becoming activated? Mark answers these pressing questions and more. Manager Marriage Counselling Marriage counselling isn’t exactly the first thing couples look for when visiting a theme park, but Anthony is convinced that old-school British managers such as Neil Warnock, Sam Allardyce and Alan Curbishley would be perfect to get those unsteady unions back on track! Do you have a ride idea for Footballland? It could be brilliant. It could be bewildering. It could be barely related to football. Send it in and we’ll discuss it on the show! With love, Anthony, Mark and Ryan  Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandExclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFOOTBALLLAND EP 1 - Featuring Special Guest Jimmy Conrad! RIDES DESIGNED - The Conrad3000, The Leicester City Fairytale Ride, The Tunnel Of Vagner/Donald Love.After Anthony accidentally receives $1 Billion from Qatar to build the world's first football theme park in time for the World Cup in 2022, he names himself CEO, gives Mark Davison the title Chief Ride Engineer and rents an office somewhere in Winchester. The boys have a very short time window to design this park but thankfully they've enlisted the help of former USA defender Jimmy Conrad, who's from California and therefore has an extensive knowledge of theme park culture. Sadly, the discussion with Jimmy doesn't go to plan. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandExclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFOOTBALLLAND EP 2 - Featuring Special Guest Marek Larwood.RIDES DESIGNED - The Football Hunger Games, Steve 'Mechanical' Bull After Anthony accidentally receives $1 Billion from Qatar to build the world's first football theme park in time for the World Cup in 2022, he names himself CEO, gives Mark Davison the title Chief Ride Engineer and rents an office somewhere in Winchester.In today's meeting Mark proposes four separate Footballland theme tunes, Anthony introduces his ride Steve 'Mechanical' Bull and comedian Marek Larwood pitches his exhibit 'The Football Hunger Games', in which a selection of former 'hard-men' footballers fight to the death for the park visitors' amusement. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandExclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFOOTBALLLAND EP 3 - Featuring Special Guest Nim OdedraRIDES DESIGNED - The 'Betrayal Monorail' with Giggsy's Garden, plus The Sir Alex Ferguson Mindgames ExperienceAfter Anthony accidentally receives $1 Billion from Qatar to build the world's first football theme park in time for the World Cup in 2022, he names himself CEO, gives Mark Davison the title Chief Ride Engineer and rents an office somewhere in Winchester.This week Mark dreams up a giant Sir Alex Ferguson shaped head in which park guests are psychologically tortured, plus special guest Nim Odedra brings us an important piece of infrastructure - the monorail. However, like all rides at Footballland, this has a weird twist. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandExclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFootballland Episode 4 - Introducing Footballland's premier dining experience: Asscoffiation Noshball! That is a play on words of 'Association Football.' It's nothing to do with 'scoffing ass' or 'noshing off balls.' This restaurant features a multi-course tasting menu which leads football fans on a culinary adventure from the invention of the game in the 19th century to the present day! Eat the foods footballers would have eaten, from full meat roasts in the 1880s, to fish and chips, bitter, then lager, then another lager, then healthy carbohydrates in the 90s all the way to a Skittles Vodka aperitif! Are those rumbling stomachs we can hear? Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandhttps://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFOOTBALLLAND Ep 5 - Feat Eggsy From Goldie Lookin' Chain Eggsy popped into Footballand HQ this week to pitch his Westworld-style ride idea - The School Sports Football Simulator. Relive your schooldays on Footballland's state-of-the-art muddy football pitch, complete with overbearing PE teacher and gigantic 'bigger boys,' all while the weather simulator chucks down sleeting rain and freezes your nuts off. Paying to have a terrible time? It's the British way! Plus Anthony and Mark bring us the Steve Kabba-ret, the Premier League dinner entertainment show! It features the Dele Dancers, Ian Rush's remote controlled moustache, and Bryan Robson's Escape The Drop. Careful he doesn't get his hair in your soup! Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandhttps://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFOOTBALLLAND Ep 6 - Feat Pete Donaldson Roll Up! Roll Up! Come join Pete Donaldson as he pitches a brand new carnival sideshow at Footballland - Paul Dummett's Meat & Potato Funfair! The fair includes Gazza's Hook a Duck, The Drink Driving Dodgems and Steve McClaren whispering accents in your ear from around the world! This week is also our first Public Consultation Special. Due to the terms of our Patreon, we're contractually obliged to discuss ride ideas from our backers, and discuss them we do! Proposals include Cristiano Ronaldo's Hall of Mirrors and Nigel De Jong's Clog Flume. Footballland is really starting to come on as a theme park, and we can't wait for you to get inside it. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandExclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandIn another successful and productive meeting, we welcome two more rides to the world's first football themed theme park! This week Mark Davison brings us his vision of The Squeaky Bumtime Arena, Footballland's stadium, which is shaped like a bottom. Also we welcome comedians The Delightful Sausage, who bring to the park their Westworld-style experiential ride, Hasta La Vista Cantona. And finally, may we introduce our newest employee at Footballland, Ryan Baxter (intern). Ryan's job is to iron out any logistical problems that might arise with the new development. His first job is to agree a deal with Leicester Cathedral for the bones of King Richard III. Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandWe have another episode of Footballland for you, which features THREE new attractions at Footballland:- Enhancers Sports Bar. This bar is stocked with performance enhancing drugs, enabling guests to relax, socialise and beat their 100 metre sprint time on the purpose built barside running track. - National Anthem Autotune. Footballers rarely sing their national anthems in tune, so Mark has come up with the perfect solution. - Wag's Corner. We invited Joe Comedy Award winner Rosie Holt to pitch her idea, which seems to be a football male brothel. We can't wait to build it. But sad news, as Ryan has spotted a potential problem with Steve 'Mechanical' Bull. And we have more ideas from Patrons and members of the public. Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandGreetings, Footballland fans. Footballland the theme park is really coming together, and in meeting 9 we can exclusively reveal FOUR new attractions:- The International Break hotel, situated inconveniently on the other side of Qatar, is the official hotel partner of Footballland. We welcome guests to stay overnight, as long as they come alone and are not carrying an injury. - Special guest Adam Savage pitches Zinedine Zidane's Mamma Mia Mayhem, a rollercoaster allowing you to become Zinedine Zidane for 90 seconds, destroying the whole of Italy with your cultured, granite head. - Patreon James Knowles' "Crazy Gang Experience," which randomly selects 11 guests on entry to the park to beat up random fellow punters until they are ejected from the premises. - Christmas Fixture Congestion. Mark proposes that on one day of the year opening times at the park are resticted to just one hour, so that guests have to race between rides as quickly as possible. But sad news from Ryan, who has chatted with the FA. They have some feedback on Footballland's restaurant, Asscoffiation Noshball. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland"Would we be able to hear Sir Geoff Hurst making love?"It's another busy and productive meeting at Footballland towers, as this week we invite Guardian football writer Sachin Nakrani to pitch his ride.- Ryan has feedback from Geri Halliwell on the 'Spice Boys Medley' at the Steve Kabbaret- Mark unveils his newest ride, Be The Ball, where guests sit inside a giant football which recreates the movements of classic goals from history- We discuss Patreon Patron Matt Whitworth's ride idea The Slizard Nemeth-sis. Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.- Special guest Sachin Nakrani pitches his ride Crash Bang Benjamin MassingSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland"Would Princess Diana poo?"It's another busy and productive meeting at Footballland towers, as this week we invite football writer Nick Miller to pitch his ride.- Intern Ryan has been out and about collecting sounds of John Carver eating for the ASMR experience at Paul Dummett's Meat And Potato Funfair.- Mark unveils a new Footballland experience: "Be The Ref," which allows one lucky punter to become Footballland's head of security for the day.- Anthony suggests a "Day of Silence," in which guests remain silent the entire day at Footballland to remember those in football who have sadly departed that year. Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland"It's a sad end to an otherwise successful meeting."It's been another huge week at Footballland Towers, as we continue to build the world's first football theme park, using the 1 billion dollars we were accidentally given by the state of Qatar. This week our special guest is none other than WAYNE LINEKER, brother of former England international Gary Lineker, and owner of Lineker's Bar in Ibiza (the future of which is uncertain). Wayne will be the first to try out the new green room! Mark has constructed a 10 foot by 10 foot fibreglass testicle, lined with plush velvet. From now onwards, guests will sit inside the testicle until they're ready to pitch their idea. We can't wait to find out what ride Wayne has dreamed up! Also, Anthony unveils the new flagship rollercoaster - the Goalie Coaster. The ONLY rollercoaster where failure to save enough goals gets you placed in a torture isolation tank in the gift shop! Plus a Patreon pitches the new fairground attraction, Lee Cattermole's Petting Zoo - guests stick their hand in a black box, and have to guess whether the trapped animal within is a cat or a mole. And Mark brings us his new logistical scheme - Ballboys for Cleaners. Keep your ideas coming - we'll discuss them all in upcoming meetings. Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland"I'm two years old. I don't think it's very nice to see your own fans booing you. I don't think it's very nice at all." We are delighted to unveil Meeting 13 of Footballland, featuring comedian and presenter Tom Deacon's addition to the park - The England National House of Horrors.In this terrifying experience, guests will walk through a series of shameful rooms, depicting The Three Lions' mostly dismal displays on the international stage over the last 70 years. PLUS:- Anthony pitches Alan Hansen's Lost Childhood Youth Team Tournament.- Mark unveils Luis Suarez's Pacman Maze - Patron Chris Pinguin sends in a jingle - And an exciting marketing opportunity: Durex have got in touch and want a ride that's 'sexy but safe.' Keep your ideas coming - we'll discuss them all in upcoming meetings.Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland"Not sure we need the pit crew anymore."The bees are buzzing, the birds are singing, and Roy Keane is on his way to Footballland, taking charge of his very own theme park attraction, Roy Keane's 'Stick It Up Your B*llocks' Dodgems! Jim Daly, comedian and host of FYP Podcast came up with the idea, and it's now our job to convince Keano to come out to Qatar and tell all the Footballland guests that their driving is sh*te. PLUS:Anthony announces a long-awaited ride for the children, 'Jurgen Klopp's Clip Clop Trots' Supporter 'Entertainer' pitches a Newcastle United themed rollercoaster.But bad news, as Ryan finds a problem with Patron Matt Whitworth's Nigel De Jong's Clog Flume. Warning, due to the effects of Roy Keane, the final section of this episode contains some strong language. Mostly f*ck. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland"Willian gave me a hug once, and it was lovely."It was another very successful meeting in the world of Footballland. We are proud to announce FIVE new rides:- Special guests, comedy double act Larry & Paul, pitched the Elland Roadacoaster, in which guests can experience exactly what it's like to be a Leeds United fan. Quite a violent ride, even by Footballland standards, this coaster claims to be the longest in the world, lasting 15 years and 2 1/2 minutes. - Our patrons Richard Beecham and Dan Rennie pitch The Grimsby Town Waterslide, charting the club's precipice-like downfall in the mid noughties. - Our patron Phil Lee brings us 'A Cup of Caribou,' a children's ride designed to improve the image of the Carabao Cup. - Mark unveils his new creation, Mourinho Laundrinho, the world's first wicker basket rollercoaster. - And Anthony proposes a new way of ferrying guests around the park, with his fleet of Holding Midfielders. But sad news, as Ryan our intern has found a problem with Footballland's stadium, The Squeaky Bumtime Arena. We hope you enjoy this episode, and please don't stop sending us your ideas. Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.All the best Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter, Intern. Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland"I think many guests would love to hear Neymar reading A Brief History of Time by Professor Stephen Hawking."It's been yet another hugely successful meeting at Footballland HQ. We now have over 30 (THIRTY) rides, experiences and attractions, and it's now time to start thinking of the all-important part: where they actually go in the park itself. In this meeting the boys plan the park's zones, or 'areas' - 6 different regions of Footballland, titled UEFA-Land, ConMeBol Close, ConCaCaCaCaCaf Cul-de-Sac, Oceania Archipelago, Place de Caf and AsiaTown. Each region will have a giant statue of the person that represents their region the best. But which 6 statues will be chosen?For all you theme park aficianados out there interested in the behind the scenes, this is the podcast to listen to. This is exactly how they plan your Disneys, your Thorpe Parks and your Alton Towers of this world. A must listen for students and the curious. Please note there is no guest this week, for two reasons:a) Larry and Paul are still in the fibreglass testicle green room. b) This meeting is too important for guests, if anything. Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.All the best Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride EngineerRyan Baxter, Intern.Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandIt's been another hugely successful meeting at Footballland HQ. After a record TWO whole weeks spent in the Wayne Lineker Fibreglass Testicle Green Room, Larry & Paul emerge to pitch their second ride for Footballland - It Doesn't Actually Really Matter That Much: The Ride. This meeting was a tense one - Mark and Anthony, and Larry and Paul clearly hate each other. But they had this meeting in the interests of Footballland, and the interests of business. And we feel that Footballland has been the winner. Also, the boys are proud to unveil THREE NEW EXPERIENCES:- Roman Abramovich's Runaway Mine Train - Why Is No One Talking?- Patreon James Worley's Gary Mabbutt's Queen's Nose.But some sad news, as intern Ryan has identified a problem with Tom Deacon's England House of National Horrors Support this show http://supporter.acast.com/footballland. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.