Description:
With over two decades of experience in the field, Vanessa Marin is on a mission to help people break down shame, talk openly about sex, and create truly intimate relationships. As a a licensed psychotherapist, sex educator, and bestselling author of Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, which she co-wrote with her husband, Xander, Vanessa brings a candid, humorous, and deeply compassionate voice to a topic that too often stays in the dark
Whether your relationship is in a rut, your spark feels a little… dim, or you just want to feel more connected—to your partner and yourself—this one’s for you. Vanessa is going to help us say yes to communication, to connection, and maybe most of all, to pleasure.
Some topics we dig into:
Why we have knee-jerk reactions to sex rooted in shame
Why Vanessa says you should start having sex like a man
The myth about the female orgasm
The best things for your sex life that have nothing to do with taking off your clothes
The difference between spontaneous desire versus responsive desire
Thought-provoking Quotes:
“Despite not getting a great introduction to sex or intimacy or relationships, I had this intuitive sense that there should be joy with this act. There should be connection and intimacy, and it should be something I should feel excited to explore when the time is right.” – Vanessa Marin
“This is literally what I am here on this earth for, is to help people get more comfortable talking about sex, connection, and intimacy.” – Vanessa Marin
“A lot of people hear, she's a sex therapist. They must have this incredible sex life. the reality is, we've been through ups and downs, too. ” – Vanessa Marin
“We get very little, if no, actual sex education. Most of us are left with movies, and TV, and porn as our only sex education. So it's totally understandable that most of us see these scenes and think, that's what I'm looking for. That's the kind of connection I'm supposed to have with my partner. But, the reality is the way that sex looks on TV and in the movies, that's designed for entertainment. It's designed to look good and be pretty. It's not what sex really looks like in real life.” – Vanessa Marin
Research has shown that in male-female relationships, women are carrying the vast majority of the mental load. There is so much that is going through our heads on a daily basis—all this tracking, and preparing, and anticipating, and evaluating, our heads are just constantly going. And when you have so much in your brain, it makes it really hard to make the space for intimacy and desire too.” – Vanessa Marin
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa Marin and Xander Marin - https://amzn.to/43VSwnS
The Sex Talks Card Deck and Guidebook: 90 Prompts to Deepen Connection and Spark Intimacy - https://amzn.to/3Hys1xa
Vanessa and Xander’s Deeper Monthly Membership - https://buy.vmtherapy.com/deeper
Guest’s Links:
Website - https://vmtherapy.com/about
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/
Twitter - https://x.com/VMTherapy
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/vanessaandxander/
Youtube - https://www.youtube.com/vanessamarin
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander
Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/vanessaandxander/_created/
Podcast - https://vmtherapy.com/podcast/
Connect with Jen!Jen’s Website - https://jenhatmaker.com/
Jen’s Instagram - https://instagram.com/jenhatmakerJen’s Twitter - https://twitter.com/jenHatmaker/
Jen’s Facebook - https://facebook.com/jenhatmakerJen’s YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/user/JenHatmaker
The For the Love Podcast is presented by Audacy.
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For some reason when I play this episode, it's a meal planning episode by Emily Ley.
I'm a type 8 who lives with chronic pain/illness. Any advice?
wow! so powerful! Thank you.
Is it just me or was the song at the end cut off?
oh my gosh, I cannot tell you how good it feels to hear someone say what is in my head! and the question about which one I would be for a day - absolutely also a 3 for the exact same reasons.
Reiss Motivational Profile is a research-based assessment that is more thorough than Enneagram. Enneagram is much like a teen magazine quiz people take to guess their personality.
over the moon for this!
How do I access the podcast notes? I'm interested in Max Lucado's favorite commentary author'name.
Love love love u big Jen and Beth. Such a refreshing and real conversation...would not expect anything less from these 2:)
I just finished her book. Actually read through it twice. It is beyond heartening to see how she responds to adversity. I needed this with all my heart. Thank you Abby.
great podcast Jen!! Andy is amazing!
Thank you for this powerful message!
Wonderful. Thank you.
so good to hear from your kiddos
I really appreciate you and this podcast. But, I listened to and very much respect Matt Chandler's response to the horrible circumstances at his church. I wish that we could hold people accountable while being gracious.
Excellent episode!
At the 7:30 mark, the episode completely stops and I can't get it to resume. Anyone else having this issue?
I keep hearing a static clicking throughout the whole episode. I tried listening to something else to see if it was coming from my headphones and I'm not having this problem. Is anyone else having issues with the playback of this episode?
I am almost embarrassed and ashamed that of all of the amazing podcasts I have experienced on your channel, this is the one that has me sobbing. My mother is a 5ft nothing anorexic and my father a former athlete now 400lb obese man. My daddy was voluntold not to re-enlist into his special operations job in the military when I was in high school. This was not do to any problems with job performance. He was well decorated and I missed the majority of my childhood with him while he was deployed. This "reccomendation" was due to his inability to meet the weight requirements of what was then termed "The Fat Boy Program". Both my mother and father spun out into a deep depression after his "voluntary honorable discharge" (to reiterate this was based solely on weight according to the BMI which changes almost yearly according to statistical averages with no consideration to bone mass, muscle mass or irregular girth). Our home was subsequently foreclosed on. My father began over eating and poure
I tripped into you about 2 weeks ago when I stumbled across Of Mess and Moxie. I subsequently purchased 3 extra Audible credits(because who am I to pass up a good deal)and dove headlong into For The Love. I immediately began fan girl stalking you! I could not believe that there was any other person out there remotely like me. I often refer to myself as a recovering Southern Baptist. I have was ostrisized from the church for having the audacity to say things like, "listening to Renegade by Styxx on the way to Sunday School was a worshipful experience, that the term Son of God might be interpreted more fully as unique of God, and that the Bible while holy and important was not the final word. We are blessed with the holy trinity and should not turn the sculptures into an idol. God is still moving and still speaking! My love for Jesus has not waivered, but I have yet to find a body outside of this podcast that allows for the searching and questioning that the scriptures encourage. Thank