For years, I believed that my worth was tied to fulfilling others' needs. Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” echoed my experience of being used and discarded. But healing came when I opened up to real love—one built on genuine connection, not just physical needs. True intimacy is about mutual respect and deep emotional bonds.
In this raw and heartfelt video, Helen shares her journey of surviving childhood sexual abuse and the profound impact it had on her ability and inability to communicate. She discuss how the shame and guilt from her experiences led her to suppress her emotions and the importance of establishing open channels of communication with her own children to prevent such suffering. Helen emphasizes the significance of being receptive and empathetic listeners, and how it can foster strong, loving relationships within families, ultimately leading to healing and connection. 00:00 The Silence of Childhood Trauma 00:22 Internalizing Shame and Guilt 01:30 The Impact of Unspoken Pain 03:13 Breaking the Cycle with Open Communication 04:00 Building Trust Through Honest Conversations 05:41 Healing Through Late-Life Communication 06:21 The Gift of Open Communication
In this episode, I shine a spotlight on a critical message: The significance of listening to survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Join me as I emphasize the importance of providing survivors with a safe space to share their stories. By lending an empathetic ear and validating their experiences, we can help survivors heal and contribute to a more compassionate society.
This episode explores two mindsets: "go-getter" (enthusiastic and goal-oriented - moving towards) and "avoider" (cautious and problem-focused - moving away from). Let’s talk about the importance of language patterns in shaping our reality and encourage a balanced communication style that considers both pursuing goals and addressing challenges.
Over the last few years I had resolved so many things but didn't recognize that there was a part of me that was still needing to be addressed, cleared, resolved, loved, and that was my 7-8 year old who had to leave Belgium, had to leave the life where she finally had her first friends, first real relationships.
What does hope mean to you? How does it show up in your life, in your healing journey? Do you have hope for yourself? I didn’t for a long time, even though I was determined to find it. And when I did find it, I found me.
The Power of the Woobie We don’t really know the power of stuffed animals and blankets and pacifiers when we first give them to our babies, but as babies are developing they are developing attachment to the objects around them and these woobies become much more than objects to babies. They’re comfort within that last a lifetime. As we grow and age, those infant and toddler woobies change with us and all too often they turn into comfort that is more damaging than comforting. Especially when a person has been affected by trauma. What woobies are in your life? Recognizing what these woobies are doing for you is key to understanding what you need in your healing life.
If you want to be different, you want your past to not affect you anymore. You want to be on the other side of Survivor. But the journey to get there can be overwhelming and scary and daunting. People say it's not the destination, it's the journey. But when it comes to Getting Past Survivor, it truly is the destination. My journey of Getting Past Survivor is where I had to go through the realizations, the things that I didn't want to really relive: pain, regrets. And while the destination was forefront of my mind, I want to reframe this to say that the journey of my healing taught me so much about who I am as a person and who I want to be on the other side of Survivor. Now that I have healed from a significant amount of my past, I'm grateful for that journey. But I'm more grateful for the destination. While the phrase, “It's not the destination, it’s the journey” is really good, just know that the journey doesn't have to feel great when the destination is amazing. I encourage you to focus on the destination of healed that’s on the other side of survivor, while still finding joy in what the journey to get there will be doing for you along the way. Because, for survivors of childhood sexual abuse and other childhood traumas, Getting Past Survivor actually is the destination.
Making changes in our lives can feel like like moving to a foreign country. We don’t know anything about the new culture, new language, new styles, social and physical environment, and relationships.... Often we don’t change because it’s so uncomfortable to be in such a foreign feeling that we settle for familiar misery with the illusion of safety. But, what if you moved to that foreign country and there was someone there to help you acclimate? Would to go to the new land of you?
Wouldn't it be great to have tangible proof that the work you've done to improve your mental health is working? I know the work I'm doing on my road of Getting Past Survivor is working, as evidenced by healthier relationships, my view of myself, my no longer experiencing flashbacks, etc. But listen to how I heard the new inner voice directing me and my body to respond in a way that I really enjoyed experiencing. Yes, I believe in what I do. I hear the changes in my clients every day. I see it in how I act and respond. But, it was so incredibly affirming to actually hear it for myself, from my own brain!
Whether you’re healing from trauma or experienced significant events in your life such as new marriage, baby, divorce, widowhood, a break up, a job change, empty nest, graduation, etc, the concentration of energy might need to be refocused. Life is full of HEALING and CHANGE, but often that leaves us feeling worse and often we can revert back to where we were? But why? Follow this link (Expanded Wheel of Life) to download to access resource referred to in this episode. If you'd like to talk about how you can find what’s next, reach out to me at Hello@HelenBrennerCoaching.com.
Our lives are filled with chaos. And that's a bad thing, right? Or is it? Reframing what we perceive as negative into something that's positive will shift you focus into finding the bright side of life!
From Thanksgiving through New Years, we can feel overwhelmed with holiday stress. In the process, our brains are preparing us for what it expects, similar to how it instinctively guides wild animals to find the food and water they need when the environment around them changes. So much is learned behavior and response that we don't need to keep holding on to.
Have you ever repeatedly spoken positive affirmations or written them out over and over only to find you just don't feel much different? That's because it's all in your head. Listen as I briefly explain why this happens and what you can do to adopt the positive attitude you want.
The map and territory are metaphors used to illustrate the difference between the actual world and our understanding of the world as we perceive it to be. The ‘map’ is our understanding of the ‘territory’ of reality, and we must be careful to remember that the map is not the territory! Let's talk about how distorted maps affect relationships so we can become more aware of how we're seeing the world. The more we understand our views, the more we can update our maps, the better we can relate to others and with ourselves!
Are you in a relationship - dating, married, friendship - and feeling disconnected as if you don’t exist? Are you feeling unvalued, unheard, or misunderstood? Is this a relationship you truly want in the first place? Mine wasn’t, but I couldn’t walk away…
My daughter and I would get into these really bad fights when she was a young adult and I was in my mid-50s. We’d be yelling at each other, talking over each other, getting really ugly with each other. Both of us defending ourselves and wanting the other to not only see our side of the situation, but to leave our own opinions behind and adopt the other’s ideas instead. Listen as I continue to share my journey of Getting Past Survivor and how I've been able to really learn 2 or more incredibly valuable lessons from the words my mother uttered 26 years ago. Remember, as we go through life, it's the journey, not the destination. Every day is a brilliant opportunity to learn about ourselves ... and the world around us. If you'd like to talk about how you could find your own enlightenment with my help utilizing advanced NLP, reach out to Hello@HelenBrennerCoaching.com or visit my website - https://www.helenbrennercoaching.com/
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Well, yeah. Yeah they can. Words can influence us in ways the person uttering them never imagined, expected, or intended. But, yea, they definitely can hurt us. I was 25 and the sentiment in this podcast that was uttered by my mother left an indelible mark on me...influencing how I saw myself and how I perceived my worth for years to come. 28 years later, I have a whole new understanding...one that I share here, and one that will come in episode "Midol, Part 2" that'll be released soon. I hope you'll find self-understanding by what I have to say. This was recorded during a Toastmaster's meeting. The emotions are real, the speed is quick because I was trying to be sure I fit it into the 5-7 minute range. But, like everything you'll hear or read from me... it's WYSIWYG. What you see is what you'll get. Hugs to you all!
Hi, I’m Helen Brenner, a certified NLP in Hypnosis Trauma Healing Coach and a former Mental Health Counselor and founder of Getting Past Survivor where I’m a voice for the voiceless, standing with and for others who have experienced the unmentionable. Welcome to the introductory podcast of Getting Past Survivor where we talk about the inner peace we feel when we've healed from trauma, particularly childhood sexual abuse, and live a life of choice instead of living in survivor default actions/reactions of fight, flight, freeze and fawn. Read more at helenbrennercoaching.com. If you'd like to be on the podcast, please reach out to hello@helenbrennercoaching.com.