Good Grief

Abbe Greenberg and Maggie Sarachek have literally written the book on supporting yourself through anxiety and panic attacks. And of course, they tried it ALL to deal with their own anxiety, because experience is the best teacher! Join us to talk about how they each experienced anxiety, what they did to address it, and what it is like to support others through the same struggle. So much is lost as a result of anxiety; our freedoms, our sense of well-being, relationships and time! But confronting anxiety is possible and, through the process, we can develop a kinder attitude towards all our struggles.

What leads us to explore our relationship to death? For Angela Fama, it began when a terrible accident caused her to consider her own death. But she noticed that when she tried to talk about death, she met discomfort and resistance. Instead of dropping the conversation, she searched for ways to enter into it; to make others more comfortable with the subject. Out of this need of hers, the Death Conversation Game was born! Angela Fama (she/they) is the creator of Death Conversation Game and facilitator of Let’s Talk About Death. They are also an interdisciplinary artist, photographer, musician, and aspiring death doula. In their praxis, Fama focuses on the inner and outer connections that can be made pushing at the edges of the barriers surrounding ‘sticky’ subjects (such as trauma, identity, love, and death). Born on The Farm in Tennessee, they were raised in Ontario and Zimbabwe, and currently reside on the unceded traditional territories of the Coast Salish xʷməθkʷəy̓əm, Sḵwx̱wú7mesh, and Sel̓íl̓witulh Nations (Vancouver, Canada). They work from an intersectional feminist perspective valuing equity, inclusive of all genders, sexual orientations, abilities, races, religions, and classes.

Some believe that dying people increasingly speak nonsense, losing their grip on reality. But Lisa Smartt, a linguist trained to pay deep attention to words, realized as her father was dying that what he was saying was coherent and deeply moving, pointing to a world which she little understood and inviting an exploration of what he might be talking about. After his death, she hurtled headlong into a mission; collecting final words, convinced they had something profound to offer those of us who are not dying. The Final Words Project and her book, Words at the Threshhold: What We Say as We're Nearing Death, are the beautiful result. I was honored to be quoted in this beautiful book! Lisa Smartt, MA, is the author of Words at the Threshold. A linguist, educator, and poet, she founded the Final Words Project, an ongoing study devoted to collecting and interpreting the mysterious language at the end of lives. She co-facilitates workshops about language and consciousness with Raymond Moody at universities, hospices, and conferences and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. Visit her online at http://www.finalwordsproject.org.

I admire this woman so much! That's why I am running this episode again. Women of color are reliably at the forefront of every progressive movement, both in sheer numbers and in activism. Yet there are many factors that limit their leadership and put an undue burden on them, resulting in a loss to the movements themselves. Former Groundswell Fund founder and executive Vanessa Priya Daniel knows first hand the toll these underlysing factors take. She also interiewed some of the most groundbreaking leaders and has written a profound book about what holds back our most capable leaders, and what we can all do to shift the tide. Vanessa Priya Daniel has worked in social justice movements for 25 years as a labor and community organizer, writer, researcher, and funder. The heart of her work is connecting people and resources to achieve vibrant grassroots power and realize a multiracial, feminist democracy.  She is the founder of Groundswell Fund (a 501c3), and Groundswell Action Fund (a 501c4), two leading funders of organizations led by women of color, and transgender people. Under her leadership, Groundswell moved over $100M to the field, centering intersectional grassroots organizing led by women of color and using a breakthrough philanthropic model that featured supermajorities of women of color movement leaders and former grassroots organizers on its staff and boards of directors. During her tenure, more than 40 foundations and over 2,000 individual donors relied on Groundswell to help them move resources to 200+ organizations at the grassroots.  Groundswell received the National Committee of Responsible Philanthropy’s “Impact Award” for smashing issue silos.  Vanessa was featured in the Chronicle of Philanthropy as one of 15 “Influencers” who are changing the non-profit world and named by Inside Philanthropy as one of their “Top 100 Most Powerful Players in Philanthropy”. She is the recipient of the 2022 Smith Medal from her alma mater Smith College, the 2017 National Network of Abortion Funds’ Abortion Action Vanguard Award, and the 2012 Gerbode Foundation Fellowship. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times and the San Francisco Bay Guardian, among other publications and her first book, Unrig the Game: What Women of Color Can Teach Everyone About Winning. is being published by Random House in 2025.  Vanessa has organized homecare workers with SEIU; helped win a landmark living wage law with the East Bay Alliance for a Sustainable Economy; and conducted research to support the organizing efforts of welfare mothers with the Applied Research Center (now Race Forward). Currently, through her firm, Vanessa Daniel Consulting, LLC, she offers strategic advising and coaching support to donors, foundations, grassroots organizations and organizational leaders. She serves on the boards of directors of the National LGBTQ Task Force and Common Counsel Foundation, and on the Advisory Board/Brain Trust of the Kataly Foundation’s Environmental Justice Resource Collective, and the Democracy Frontline Fund. She is currently a fellow with the Decolonizing Wealth Project. Vanessa and her co-parent Tricia, are mothers to two daughters, ages five and thirteen.

A week before their wedding, Kate Truitt's fiancee died unexpectedly. In deep grief and trauma she saw no way forward and, even as an informed investigator of the way trauma affects us, she could only live the reality. It was a very long time before she could see the potential for growth and flourishing. In telling her story she invites us along on her path of discovery; her road back to herself. We also share her evolution into the person we see now; someone who supports others going through the same thing she did. Bio: Dr. Kate Truitt Kate is an esteemed clinical psychologist and neuroscientist who is internationally acclaimed for her trauma, stress, and resilience expertise. As the founder of the Truitt Institute, she integrates cutting-edge neuroscience into mental health training and seminars. She also leads Dr. Kate Truitt & Associates and serves as CEO of both the Amy Research Foundation and the Trauma Counseling Center of Los Angeles. Her voice in the mental health arena extends to her role as a sought-after speaker and expert in media, including features on BBC and Today. Dr. Truitt has delivered keynotes and training at prestigious platforms like the United Nations and the United States Department of Defense. As the author of "Healing in Your Hands" and "Keep Breathing," she is dedicated to advancing the treatment of trauma and stress disorders, making significant strides in destigmatizing mental health and fostering resilience worldwide.

On a day like any other, Jonathan Santlofer was suddenly dropped into the chaos of intense grief when his wife of 40 years suddenly died. His losses before this did not prepare him for his upended life. It did not prepare him for the insensitive and alienating things people said to him when he was too vulnerable to respond. It did not prepare him for the internal conflict of whether and how much to share about his intense mourning. He also had the sense that his inability to share his feelings and ask for help were deeply affected by the expectations he felt because he is a man. How did gender affect people's expectations of what would happen next? How much of that was a conflict within his own heart? He found an anchor in writing down what he was experiencing. In his notebooks he was able to say it all, and to hear himself. And ultimately, the lifeline he found in writing became a beautiful book, A Widower's Notebook. Jonathan Santlofer is the author of the memoir, THE WIDOWER’S NOTEBOOK, released this month by Penguin books. AS well as being an author, Jonathan is also an artist. He has published 5 novels, including the best selling “The Death Art,” and the award-winning “Anatomy of Fear,” and numerous short stories. He has been both editor and contributor for 6 notable anthologies, among them the New York Times bestseller, “Inherit the Dead,” and recently, Touchstone/Simon & Schuster “IT OCCURS TO ME THAT I AM AMERICA,” a collection of original stories and art. He has taught art and writing at Columbia University, Pratt Institute, and the Center For Fiction, where he created Crime Fiction Academy. His artwork is in major public and private collections in the US and abroad. Jonathan has been the recipient of numerous grants and awards, among them two National Endowment for the Arts grants, Visiting Artist at the American Academy in Rome, and he serves on the board of Yaddo, one of the oldest arts organizations in the US.

Adoption is a loss that often lives in the shadows, both in the world and inside of adoptees. Losing everything you've ever known before there are even words to name it, when you are an absorbent, unformed human being can take a lifetime to understand. But it is only by recognizing the loss that adoptees can claim their birthright; a life of beauty and meaning. Michelle Madrid knows this territory from both directions. She is an adoptee and an adoptive mother. She dedicates herself to helping other adoptees claim all the parts of themselves, including the ones they were before they lost their first family. Join us as we talk about all sides of the an adoption and how we can all support adopted people to claim every part of themselves.

Alone in a brand new city, Merissa Nathan Gerson set out to connect with her community. Her father shepherded the process, traveling with her to help her choose a house and set herself up for this new life. But very shortly after, he declined, rapidly approaching the end of his life. How does a single woman in a new city, far from her friendships and supports, get help with an unimaginable loss? Merissa identified what she needed and found ways to invite her new community into her world. As a result, she acquired valuable skills applicable not just to her own life but to other grievers as well. Her humor and tenacity shine through her guide, Forget Prayers Bring Cake, to all things grief (including legacies of trauma passed down through the generations). The result is a grief guide especially written for singles but helpful to anyone facing loss. Merissa Nathan Gerson’s writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, Playboy, Tablet, Modern Loss, Lilith, and beyond. She was the inherited trauma consultant to Amazon’s Emmy-winning show Transparent and the author of Ask Your Yenta, an advice column that Bitch Magazine named the top ten to watch in 2010. The founder of KenMeansYes.org, a consent advocacy organization, she speaks nationwide on inherited trauma, consent education, and religious sex education. Born and raised in Washington, DC, Merissa lives in a purple house on an amazing block in Mid-City, New Orleans. Alone.

Diana Kupershmit had the plans for her life clearly mapped out; finish college, graduate school, marry your high school sweetheart, start a family. She was not prepared for the jolt of the unexpected that arrived with the birth of her first child, Emma, who came with severe disabilities. Feeling unable and unprepared to raise a child with such profound needs, she and her husband looked for a family who could give her what she needed and love her too. But fate led Emma back to them, changing Diana's life, her beliefs and her capacity to believe in herself. In the process, she opened to a love that changed the way she felt about everyone in her life! Diana Kupershmit holds a Master of Social Work degree and works for the Department of Health in the Early Intervention program, a federal entitlement program servicing children birth to three with developmental delays and disabilities. She has published online in the Huffington Post, Manifest Station, Mutha Magazine, Power of Moms, Motherwell Magazine, Still Standing Magazine, and Her View From Home. On the weekends, she indulges her creative passion working as a portrait photographer specializing in newborn, family, maternity, and event photography. She lives in New York City.

In these times of increasing assaults on the queer community, we replay an episode from 2015 in which Kevin Fisher-Paulson recounted the triplets he and his husband fostered then lost as a result of homophobia. Going on the adopt two more children as the climate improved, his story is a cautionary tale about the family traumas that can come from societal bias. Kevin Fisher-Paulson was the author of the books “How We Keep Spinning,” “A Song for Lost Angels” and “Secrets of the Blue Bungalow.” He lived with his husband, Brian, their two sons and a pack of rescue dogs in the neighborhood he dubbed the “Outer, Outer, Outer, Outer Excelsior.” In addition to being a writer, Kevin served as commander of the honor guard for the San Francisco Sheriff’s Department. Gifts in Kevin’s memory can be made to the Innocence Project or the Most Holy Redeemer AIDS Support Group. His column in the San Francisco Chronicle was widely read and appreciated.

Marty Ross-Dolen grew up in the shadow of her mother's grief. Her mother's parents had died in a plane crash when she was 14, just 5 years before Marty was born. She knew that her mother was different from her friend's mothers. Knowing this led to Marty trying to protect her mother, never really asking to know the whole story. The ways in which she could still know them were also blocked off. But as an adult, Marty investigated their lives to form a strong relationship with them. As the heads of Highlight Magazine, they were very visible and public. There were also letters and newspaper clippings. Over time, Marty came to know them, even in their absence. And that is how she came to love them and repair the break in her family legacy. Marty Ross-Dolen is a graduate of Wellesley College and Albert Einstein College of Medicine and is a retired child and adolescent psychiatrist. She holds an MFA in Writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts. Prior to her time at VCFA, she participated in graduate-level workshops at The Ohio State University. Her essays have appeared in North Dakota Quarterly, Redivider, Lilith, Willow Review, and the Brevity Blog, among others. Her essay entitled “Diphtheria” was named a notable essay in The Best American Essays series. She teaches writing and lives in Columbus, Ohio.  

When Dr. Paul Kalanithi faced a stage IV lung cancer diagnosis in his last year as a neurosurgical resident, his wife, Dr. Lucy Kalanithi faced it with him. In the twenty-two months that followed, they continued to work, had a child and he wrote a best selling book . But since his death, how have her grief and her love showed themselves? She made sure that his book, when Breath Becomes Air, was published and promoted, most importantly by her. She carried his love forward into her own life and parenting of their daughter Cady. And she lent her energy to projects that reflect the intersection between that most impactful walk through cancer with Paul, and her interest in meaning in medicine, patient-centered care and end-of-life care. So it is no surprise that she is on the advisory board of the OpenIDEO end of life challenge, exploring how to improve end of life experiences world wide. Hear how this newest passion connects with what she and Paul experienced during his illness and death. Dr. Lucy Kalanithi is a Clinical Assistant Professor of Medicine at the Stanford School of Medicine and the widow of the late Dr. Paul Kalanithi, author of the #1 New York Times bestselling memoir, When Breath Becomes Air, for which she wrote the epilogue. She completed her medical degree at Yale, residency at the University of California-San Francisco, and a postdoctoral felllowship in healthcare delivery innovation at Stanford's Clinical Excellence Research Center. Her late husband Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer at age 36 while a chief neurosurgical resident at Stanford. In the 22 months between Paul's cancer diagnosis and his death last year, Lucy and Paul continued to work as physicians and decided to have a baby daughter, and Paul wrote When Breath Becomes Air, which was published posthumously in January 2016 and immediately went to #1 on the New York Times nonfiction bestseller list. At the cross-section of her medical career and her personal experience standing alongside her husband during his illness, she has special interests in healthcare value, meaning in medicine, patient-centered care and end-of-life care. She has been interviewed by PBS NewsHour, Charlie Rose, NPR's Morning Edition, yahoo news with Katie Couric, and the New York Times. She lives in the Bay Area with her daughter, Cady.

When Leslie Streeter's husband, the love of her life, died suddenly after asking for kisses, she struggled to fulfill the life they had built together. Would she be able to complete the adoption of their son, not even 3 years old? How would she raise him alone? And how would she navigate this crushing grief? She would rely on community, family and humor to clear a path, taking one step at a time and guided by what her husband, Scott, had envisioned for them. Slowly, and surely, her way forward would become clear. But the pain of losing Scott, for herself and for their son, would have to be felt! Leslie Gray Streeter is an author, veteran journalist and speaker. whose memoir “Black Widow:” was published in March 2020 by Little, Brown and Company. Until recently, she was the longtime entertainment and lifestyle columnist and writer for the Palm Beach Post. A native of Baltimore, Md and a University of Maryland graduate, she and her work have been featured in The Washington Post, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, the Atlantic, the Today show, SiriusXM, O, The Oprah Magazine and more. She lives with her son Brooks and her mother Tina in her hometown of Baltimore, which she moved back to last summer. She’s a slow runner, an amateur vegan cook and a true crime and “Law and Order” enthusiast. She's a not-bad guitar player but she sometimes sings loud over the bad notes.

Raised with a keen awareness that everything is impermanent, that all life ends, Sunita Puri was challenged to find a way to come to terms with medicine's inability to accept these truths. Her perspective was at odds with the training she was receiving as a medical student, where any death, even an inevitable one, was a failure. When she was finally exposed to a palliative care rotation she found her home in medicine. Palliative care, which supports patients to live well for as long as possible, brought these two parts of her together. How do her early family teachings in a Hindu family inform her work now? And how does her medical training support her palliative care work and the training she offers to others?

Aditi Sethi was a doctor who agreed to act as a death doula for Ethan SIsser, who wanted to die in joy and share it with the world. The extraordianry film The Last ecstatic Days, tells  the tale not only of Ethan but of the loving and open community that coalesced around him, fulfilling his deepest wish. Aditi was changed by the commuity that showed up and continues to work towards a world in which death can be seen as a beautiful part of living. Join us as she shares her story.     Founder of the Center for Conscious Living & Dying and featured in the documentary  “The Last Ecstatic Days,” Dr. Aditi Sethi is a hospice and palliative care physician, end-of-life doula and musician. Aditi is an emerging and important voice for shifting our culture’s understanding and approach to dying, death, and bereavement care, and was a featured speaker for TEDxAsheville in March 2024.