Hallmark Snark

Podcast for the #hallmarkies who are also #hallsnarkies. Love is love, even if it’s aggressively heteronormative made-for-tv Christmas love. Join Tara and Austin as they lovingly snark on the Hallmark Countdown to Christmas movie lineup. Instagram/Facebook @HallmarkSnark or visit HallmarkSnark.com

S6E18 - Week 8 Snark Rankings - Private Princess Christmas, Sugarplummed, Leah’s Perfect Gift

In this week’s minisode, we’re ranking Private Princess Christmas, Sugarplummed, and Leah’s Perfect Gift using our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re breaking down the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark! Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook and Instagram.

12-10
15:30

S6E17 Sugarplummed

Well, Hallmark went full meta with Harmony Home and its Sugarplum series. Honestly, we’re rooting for this to become a real franchise and need that rule book published immediately. Hallmark needed to decide if it wanted this to be funny or heartfelt. And while the sugarplum whimsy was delightfully fun, even gin cookies couldn’t make this family believable. We still wish this could have been our gay movie of the year. We hope they try again—just without the dad. Join us for Episode 17 of our snarky adventure as we watch, discuss, and judge Hallmark Christmas movies. Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and Bluesky.

12-09
48:02

S6E16 - Week 7 Snark Rankings - Joyful Mrs. Miracle, A '90s Christmas, Deck the Walls, Believe in Christmas, Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story, The Finnish Line, The Christmas Quest

Our "minisode" isn’t so mini this week as we tackle seven movies for Thanksgiving! We’re ranking Debbie Macomber's Joyful Mrs. Miracle, A '90s Christmas, Deck the Walls, Believe in Christmas, Holiday Touchdown: A Chiefs Love Story, The Finnish Line, and The Christmas Quest in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies were worth the holiday marathon. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark! Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook and Instagram.

12-07
40:43

S6E15 The Christmas Quest

While this was one of the most disappointing treasure hunts we’ve been on, the stunning Icelandic landscapes and views almost made up for it. We’d suggest renaming this movie to "Maybe the Real Treasure Is the Friends and Family We Met Along the Way." While it tried to nod to Indiana Jones and The Da Vinci Code, there’s a reason those movies don’t include a baking montage. The pacing felt as uneven as the terrain they crossed. On the bright side, we learned a valuable lesson: always leave a cryptic letter for your children when you discover your next treasure. We did agree this movie featured the best ball gown of the season!   Join us for Episode 15 of our snarky adventure as we watch, discuss, and judge Hallmark Christmas movies. Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and Bluesky.

12-06
46:22

S6E14 - Week 6 Snark Rankings - Christmas on Call, Three Wiser Men and a Boy, To Have and to Holiday

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies— Christmas on Call, Three Wiser Men and a Boy, To Have and to Holiday—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark! Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook and Instagram.

11-27
14:10

S6E13 Three Wiser Men and a Boy

Well shucks. We were annoyed…by how good this was. Can a sequel be better than the original? The Godfather taught us it’s possible, and while this isn’t The Godfather, it’s one of those rare moments where a sequel delivers. Join us as we indulge in a steady diet of sparks—not often found in such abundance in our Countdown to Christmas reviews. We may do a little bit of fan-girl/boy-ing over Paul Campbell and Kimberley Sustad, but don’t worry—we still managed to find a healthy dose of snarks to snack on. Also, we’d absolutely pay to see How the Grump Ruins Christmas. Join us for Episode 13 of our snarky adventure as we watch, discuss, and judge Hallmark Christmas movies. Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and Bluesky.

11-26
01:00:36

S6E12 - Week 5 Snark Rankings - Christmas with the Singhs, Jingle Bell Run, Confessions of a Christmas Letter

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies— Christmas with the Singhs, Jingle Bell Run, Confessions of a Christmas Letter—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark! Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook and Instagram.

11-22
16:21

S6E11 Jingle Bell Run - Nameless Best Snark!

Welcome to our first crossover episode with our new snarky friends, Nameless Best Friends. Jingle Bell Run? More like Mildly Festive Plane Trips to Solve Low-Budget Challenges. From walnut cracking to ski valet fruitcake hockey, the thrills were few, but the payout was huge. Sure, the stakes were low, but we stayed for the jackets and Andrew Walker’s center part, which deserved its own trophy.   Join us for Episode 11 of our snarky adventure as we watch, discuss, and judge Hallmark Christmas movies. Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and Bluesky.

11-22
01:41:44

S6E10 - BONUS - Hot Frosty

We veered off the Hallmark path and straight into Netflix territory for Hot Frosty. Why? For you, for us, for snowmen everywhere. With Lacey Chabert in the mix, it’s basically Hallmark-adjacent. The logic? Utterly absurd—and we couldn’t look away. A snowman, born today years old, can read and talk (but doesn't know all the words). It’s giving Kate & Leopold meets The Knight Before Christmas with a dash of Sabrina the Teenage Witch’s man dough episode. We strongly suspect this town has more snowman-to-human husbands than it’s letting on.   Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook and Instagram.

11-18
37:23

S6E9 - Week 4 Snark Rankings - Trivia at St. Nick's, Santa Tell Me, Tis the Season to be Irish

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies—Trivia at St. Nick's, Santa Tell Me, Tis the Season to be Irish—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark! Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook and Instagram.

11-13
13:40

S6E8 Trivia At St. Nick's

Celeste is giving knock-off CCB vibes, with enough desperation and hyperfixation to make men scatter on sight. And then there's Max, a football coach with all the focus of a puppy—"What's that? A random reindeer fact? Naval historical fiction?" While she wasn’t a character we could root for, we had to agree with her on buffet etiquette. This love may not be built to last, but hey, at least she got her new telescope. We were all in for the trivia, but by the third act, things really stalled (still don’t understand how they justified that baking montage?). More Ruby and a few more prayers from the nun might have saved this one! Join us for Episode 8 of our snarky adventure as we watch, discuss, and judge Hallmark Christmas movies. Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook and Instagram.

11-11
45:37

S6E7 - Week 3 Snark Rankings - A Carol for Two, Our Holiday Story, Holiday Mismatch

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies—A Carol for Two, Our Holiday Story, and Holiday Mismatch—in our scientifically snarky tier system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark! Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and X.

11-08
16:15

S6E6 Our Holiday Story

Welcome to Someplace, Vermont, where straight people find every way to avoid talking about who they are or how they feel, and where $25 apparently saves 10 children—what a deal! This is a story of “when you know, you know,” except… when you don’t, you still do? We had a lot of questions with this one, like, is the daughter trying to kill off her boyfriend by not telling anyone he has a fatal nut allergy? This might be the longest love story ever told, but certainly has the classic Hallmark Christmas feeling. Join us for Episode 6 of our snarky adventure as we watch, discuss, and judge Hallmark Christmas movies. Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and X.

11-08
58:42

S6E5 - Week 2 Snark Rankings - Operation Nutcracker, The Christmas Charade, The 5-Year Christmas Party

Back with another minisode, where we’re ranking this weekend’s holiday movies—Operation Nutcracker, The Christmas Charade, and The 5-Year Christmas Party—in our scientifically snarky tiered ranking system. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re here to break down which movies are worth your time, which are just watchable, and which are only good for the snark. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark! Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and X.

10-30
13:20

S6E4 The Christmas Charade

One of the most snarkable movies we’ve seen in a long time, featuring a top-five snarkable moment—a five-story, one-handed rope slide (rope burn, anyone?) into a Christmas inflatable. So many twists in this one our necks hurt (her parents were also FBI agents??). Tara learned she wouldn’t make it as a spy due to her inability to pocket text—guess she’ll have to stick to her Hallmark job as a librarian. And glad to know if we ever need to break into a 24/7 secure vault, all we need is a precisely timed gingerbread cookie delivery. This plot unravels if you look at it for more than a second, but it’s so ridiculous you can’t help but watch. Join us for Episode 4 of our snarky adventure as we watch, discuss, and judge Hallmark Christmas movies. Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and X.

10-29
54:09

S6E3 - Week 1 Snark Rankings - 'Twas the Date Before Christmas, Holiday Crashers, Scouting for Christmas

It’s the debut of our snark-filled minisode! This week, we’re putting three holiday contenders—'Twas the Date Before Christmas, Holiday Crashers, and Scouting for Christmas—through the ultimate ranking test. From “annoyingly good” to “snoozefest,” we’re dishing out the verdicts on what’s worth watching, what’s just watchable, and what’s only good for a snark-fest. Brace yourself for some fast and festive judgment. Ready, set, snark! Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and X.

10-27
08:23

S6E2 Holiday Crashers

If you’ve ever wondered what Wedding Crashers would look like dipped in Christmas glitter and wrapped in a Hallmark bow, look no further. While Toni and Justin are two bland bananas, Justin’s hair definitely deserves its own IMDb page. We’re still not sure how he managed to get past all the lying—or maybe he’s just really into F1 and doula role-playing. The real question is: what kind of credit card debt does Bri have, and does Vinny make enough to cover her shopping addiction? Join us for Episode 2 of our snarky adventure as we watch, discuss, and judge Hallmark Christmas movies. Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and X.

10-27
51:34

S6 Hallmark Snark Countdown to Christmas 2024 Preview Special

We're back and kicking off season six of Hallmark Snark with our very own Countdown to Christmas 2024 preview special. Join us on our snarky adventure into watching, discussing, and judging Hallmark Christmas movies.  Follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and X.

10-26
44:40

S5E2 Under the Christmas Sky

Ever thought, this science exhibit needs more Christmas? If so, and you're in Kansas, you must check out this hub-of-the-community planetarium featuring reindeer rockets, 90s clip art, and shopping mall NASA. Nothing says Kansas like curling. Join us for Episode 2 of our snarky adventure into watching, discussing, and judging Hallmark Christmas movies.  Check out our latest rankings at HallmarkSnark.com and follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

11-02
32:25

S5 Hallmark Snark Countdown to Christmas 2023 Preview Special

We are kicking off season five of Hallmark Snark with our very own Countdown to Christmas 2023 preview special. Join us on our snarky adventure into watching, discussing, and judging Hallmark Christmas movies.  Follow us @HallmarkSnark on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

10-29
41:57

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