Happy Life

Marriage Benefits-We Don’t Just Date For Fun [Show Opens] Myrtle Alegado: Do you remember when you began to seriously consider getting married? On today’s episode, we’ll talk to newlyweds who will share the progression in their relationship, from meeting, to courtship, and finally to marriage. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life Myrtle: Today, I’d like to welcome our newlyweds from Yorba Linda, California to the podcast. Thanks so much for joining us on Happy Life, Aedelbert and Darlene! Darlene Alejandro: Thank you for having us, Myrtle. Aedelbert Alejandro: Hello! Thank you for having us. Myrtle: How are you both doing today? Darlene: We’re good. Aedelbert: Doing good. Myrtle: Well, as I understand it, you got married in January of this year, right? Aedelbert: Correct. Darlene: Yes. Myrtle: Oh, well,congratulations to you both! Now, how did you both meet? Aedelbert: So I moved to the Bay Area to finish college at San Francisco State University, and Darlene actually came up to me at one of our church events. It was a coastal cleanup. And, you know, I was hanging out with my guy friends, and Darlene came out of nowhere and just introduced herself to me. Darlene: Yeah. [laughs] Myrtle: Is that how you remember it, Darlene? Give us your take. Darlene: Yeah, he was new to Daly City local congregation. And it was about a month before I met him that he was already living in Daly City. And normally when someone new or a new member [of the Church Of Christ] comes into Daly City, I usually meet them just to welcome them. I didn’t meet him yet, so when I saw him at the coastal cleanup, yeah, I just went up to him and I was like, “Hi, I’m Darlene. I haven’t met you yet, but welcome to Daly City.” Myrtle: Aww. Well, that’s cute, Darlene! Darlene: Yes, so I went up to him at the coastal cleanup. And then maybe a couple days after that, one of our mutual friends on Instagram posted a picture of their friend group, and that person tagged him. Since I met him, I figured, “Okay, I can follow him now.” And then fast forward a couple more days, he posted this story about working out and he asked, “Who wants to be my workout buddy?” Mind you, I did not work out at that time but something inside me was like, “I’m going to respond and I’m going to say I’m going to be his workout buddy.” And that’s where we started talking or messaging with each other. Aedelbert: Yeah, so after Darlene replied to my story and she said, you know, “I’ll be your workout buddy,” we actually planned to hang out one day. And you know, one thing led to another, we started texting more, and started hanging out more. That led to me falling for Darlene, and I started courting her, and then I proposed to her [in] June of 2021. Myrtle: So, Aedel, you used the term courting, and I’d like to touch on that a little bit. In the Church Of Christ, we don’t use the term dating per se, because that implies that you’re just seeing someone in a kind of casual, romantic relationship. With courtship, we do so in a Christian manner, according to God’s teachings. So, now you’re both in your late 20s, and you’ve been married for a few months. What do you think about those individuals who date just for the sake of dating or date just for fun? Aedelbert: I think individuals who date just for the sake of dating or just for fun, at least from my personal point of view, I think they’re doing it just because you know, they’re bored or they’re trying to maintain this social presence online. They just want to be in this relationship so they can look cool to other people, or just simply not to seem that they’re alone, I guess. Darlene: Yeah, I agree with Aedel to an extent. I mostly think that people nowadays date for fun because [of] peer pressure. I guess the times that a person could start dating is typically, like, when you’re a young adult. Maybe you’re a teenager and you start developing, and you want to understand more, like, these feelings that may come up with another individual in your life. And since you’re just discovering these feelings, you don’t really know what to think about them. But they’re strong enough that it moves you to do something about that, which is dating. Your heart, it’s like it’s telling you one thing, but then your brain is saying another thing, and it’s hard to differentiate the two. And that’s why I think some people want to experiment, and they date around to see who is the best option for them. Myrtle: And what are your opinions on this mentality? Darlene: Dating just involves a lot of feelings in general and, personally, I feel like it involves more negative feelings than positive. To hear about the concept of dating, and dating multiple people, or dating around, someone is bound to get hurt at some point. I think it’s just inevitable. Aedelbert: I just disagree with ‘dating for fun’ or that mentality of dating for fun. Because, honestly, what’s the point of dating when the whole reason is eventually you’re trying to get married, which goes back to courting someone in a Christian manner. At least when we’re courting someone we try and find, like, their Christian values, what they believe in, seeing how one person’s beliefs aligns with yours. For me at least, I was always taught that growing up. And if you’re going to date someone, you’re really trying to figure out why you want to spend the rest of your life with that specific person. Myrtle: Just curious, you know, you mentioned that you want[ed] to find somebody whose values kind of align with yours. Do you think that people don’t look for that these days, that the youth don’t think about that? Darlene: Personally, I feel like nowadays, to find someone with the same values as you, or the same faith as you, I feel like it’s not at the top of a person’s priority. Most people just think of personality traits right off the bat. Like, they have to be funny, or they have to be a certain height, or they have to, I don’t know, have brown eyes, brown hair. Stuff like that. Aedelbert: I think people trying to find if their values align or not is lost, because people are in it for, like, a social standing type thing. So they do it for a specific reason, that they’re trying to attain this specific thing, and they know that this person can help them get it. Myrtle: But you know, at what age or point in life do you think people should start seriously searching for a ‘forever’ relationship? Darlene: Honestly, I can’t really put a number on it, because I didn’t think I would get married at this age. I’m 27 right now, I didn’t think I’d get married at this age. But I think they should hit certain goals in their life first. Like, for example, I think someone should be established in a career, or at least confident in the path that they’re taking in their life. I definitely think they should also be confident just on their own. To have a partner, like a forever relationship, they are just like an added blessing. Aedelbert: There’s no set age that someone should start looking for their ‘forever’ relationship, because everyone has their own path in life. Everyone accomplishes a certain, you know, achievement in life at different ages. First of all, someone should be established in their career, just so that it doesn’t put that financial burden when, you know, it’s time to get married. Like you should be confident that you could be okay with yourself, who you are as a person, and then finding someone else to share those blessings with you in your life, then that’s the perfect time to move forward and look for that relationship. Myrtle: And I just want to add that, of course, you should also have the blessings of your parents to go forward with a ‘forever’ relationship and, you know, that next step in life, or next step in the relationship, engagement and then marriage. So, you know, these days it’s common practice for boyfriend and girlfriend to just move in together and not get married at all. We, as members of the Church Of Christ, do not follow this practice, and later we’ll hear what the Bible has to say about this, of course. But I’m curious about how you two feel about this. Aedelbert: I don’t think it’s right for this type of practice. Honestly, because I think it gives people an option or like a way out. But if you’re married, of course, you got married before God and then we learned that it’s till death do you part. So you’re always going to have to figure out how to work things out. And I think at the end of the day, when you’re going through all these things on a daily basis, of course, you’re going to work through things, and try and figure out where things could be improved on, and you’ll always get through it. And when you’re married, there’s no trial and error compared to those who just live together without the benefit of marriage. Darlene: Yeah, I agree with Aedel. There’s just no obligation to stay and, like, work things out. How do you know that they’re going to stick around for the rest of your life? Like, how do you know that things are going to work out? Compared to when you’re married, there’s that official stamp that you’re both in this for life. Myrtle: And in your opinion, what are the positive aspects like, you know, financial or emotional to get[ting] married? Darlene: One positive aspect to getting married, well, there’s financial benefits because obviously there’s an extra income, but it also teaches you a lot about just how to handle your money. Budgeting and saving is very essential when you’re married. I’ve been telling some of my friends, like, you really don’t know how expensive it

Supporting Each Other in a Health Crisis [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: A health or medical crisis can have a significant impact on any marriage, but perhaps even more-so for newlyweds. You’re still finding your footing early on in your marriage, so how do you ensure you support each other enough to help each other get through this ordeal? We’ll find out about Joel and Richelle’s experience in today’s episode. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: Because the topic of discussion today is an extremely sensitive one, and I know it may be difficult to talk about, I am so appreciative of Richelle and Joel, from London, who are here to chat with me today. Welcome to the Happy Life podcast, Joel and Richelle. Joel Dela Cruz: Hello. Richelle Dela Cruz: Hi. Hi, Myrtle. How are you? Myrtle: I’m good. How are things over there, over the pond? Joel: We’re good. Thank you very much. Thank you for having us. Myrtle: So you two have been married for how long now? Joel: Coming up to three years in September. Myrtle: Oh, wow! Congratulations. So, now tell me about finding out that you were expecting your baby boy, Noah. Joel: So, we weren’t really planning. We just left it up to God and if He blessed us with a child, He blessed us. So, we weren’t really actively trying to have a baby or conceive at the time. Richelle: Yeah, so you can say that we were surprised when we found out. Actually I was the first one who found out. I realized it because that day, it was during the pandemic, and I was working from home and I don’t usually eat junk food. But I realized I finished, like, a bag of crisps, or chips for America. I finished a whole bag and then I looked at it and I was like, “What’s happening?” And then I messaged him, I was like, “Can you actually buy a test?” and when he came home, I tested and we actually filmed ourselves. And yeah, we were really surprised. We were really scared. It’s something that we didn’t expect, and we felt we weren’t ready for it at that time. Myrtle: But it was God’s perfect time, right? [laughs] Joel and Richelle: Yes. Myrtle: And what was your pregnancy like? Richelle: So my pregnancy went very well, if I can say that. Every stage of my pregnancy, from the moment that we found out that we were pregnant, to finding out the gender, up to the due date, we tried everything that we could to prepare ourselves. So, not just physically for me, mentally, and even more so spiritually. We held our devotional prayers, and I did some exercises as much as I could, tried to eat healthily. Myrtle: So up until the delivery, was everything pretty normal with your pregnancy? Joel: Yeah, as she mentioned, everything was normal. The way Richelle planned to have a natural birth, water birth to be specific. Richelle: Here in the U.K., we have a good kind of support system as well, with a midwife. So every time I would go for my appointment, they checked everything and also we talked about my birth plan. They knew what we wanted to do, if in case something would happen, and they were informed of what we wanted to opt for if something like that would happen. Myrtle: So at this point, this is where the story does take a turn. I know that you did not have your ideal water birth. Can you tell us what happened during the delivery? Joel: It started early morning, because around 1am or so where she actually was able to start pushing. So, past the contractions, and actually being admitted, and being able to go into the water and start pushing. At that time, she was trying for a good few hours. It was only when there was a switch between the midwives, where the next midwife decided to check and see if it was okay. So they got out of the water, and that’s when they discovered that her water didn’t actually break just yet. And then when they broke it there was a lot of meconium, which is basically the baby’s poop, that he inhaled. And that’s when they decided to rush her to the birthing center. Richelle: At this point, I think I was in labor for more than 24 hours, right? Joel: Something like that. Richelle: Or 26 hours. So it’s like the next day already, and at the last minute when they found that there was meconium, you know, I was kind of heightened in terms of the labor stage. So I just remember being carried, they put me on a wheelchair, and they transferred me. So I was in the birth center. So from the birth center, they transferred me to the labor ward, and that’s where all the doctors and all the medical facilities are, and I just remember being rushed. I laid on the bed. Within a minute, I have all of these like wires attached to me and then, you know, they were asking me to push already. And there [were] maybe five people around and they were kind of in panic. Joel: Yeah, no, I think there was a slight delay from when they got her in, because it was early morning and it was during that switch of nurses and midwives and doctors. And I think at that moment, every minute counts or every kind of second counted at that point, especially because they didn’t know how distressed the baby was. As soon as she had her next contractions they asked her to push and go for it, or else if she didn’t do it after I think one or two tries, they were going to go straight to C-section. But because the baby was quite far down already, that even would be quite risky. Richelle: Yeah, I just remember being in so much pain. At that time I was already fully dilated and I didn’t have any painkillers at all. I think I just had [laughing] gas, but they asked me to stop with it because I was already inhaling too much. So if you could imagine, I had to quickly give birth to Noah to try to save his life. And at the same time I remember thinking to myself, I just want this to be over with. It was just the most painful thing for me. And I remember when Noah came out, I only held him for a second, right? They had to quickly take him away from me. Joel: Yeah, so as soon as he came out, they literally put him [in] Chelle’s arms. They asked me to cut the cord straightaway, but then they realized. Then they took the baby straightaway, put off to the side, wiped off all the meconium that was on the baby, and then they began to suction out his windpipes for all the meconium, and then start doing basically the revival process, which we didn’t know at the time. But that’s what they were doing, rushing around. There’s more equipment coming in, there [were] the ICU trays coming in on wheels, and things like that. Myrtle: So you weren’t fully aware of how much in distress he was at that time I guess. But can you try to explain what Noah’s complications were at birth? Joel: So at birth, they originally just thought it was meconium aspiration, but when they got him into the ICU did a few more tests. Because it’s such a trial and error thing at that age, you can’t ask the baby what’s wrong, they have to try everything to see which one his body [will] react to. So they tried different drugs. They started doing everything they can. They had cannulas in every single part of his body that they could get into, both arms, legs, bellybutton, feet. Literally anywhere they could put up a cannula in they did. I think their main concern was that his blood pressure was constantly dropping in and out, his heart rate was dropping. They deemed him to have multiple organ dysfunction, mainly the lungs and the heart. They didn’t know what to do really at that point. They had a lot of concerns. They were calling different consultants in. They even started to speak to Great Ormond Street Hospital, which is a specialist child hospital in the U.K., one of the top hospitals, for advice on what to do too. Richelle: To list what the doctors had advised us, his complications were: meconium aspiration syndrome, liver failure, thrombosis of vessels, metabolic acidosis, metabolic disorder, suspected sepsis and acute kidney injury. Myrtle: I mean, that’s a pretty long list, so it must have been shocking to hear all of that. And then how did he react with all the medications and drugs that they were giving him? Joel: When they began with the various drugs, he got to a point at Chelsea hospital where he was at literally [the] maximum care that they could give him. There’s nothing more they can do to try and save Noah. Great Ormond Street suggested that they have a procedure called ECMO [extracorporeal membrane oxygenation]. The way they described it to me is that it’s similar to a heart lung bypass where they would take out the blood from Noah and they would re-oxidize it and pump it back into the body. So it takes on the function of the heart and lungs, but it’s not a permanent solution. It’s to allow the heart and lungs to recover from everything that’s happened and heal. Myrtle: So he was on that machine and then I’m sure for such a young, small, baby that must have been kind of risky as well. Richelle: Yes, it was very risky. Actually the doctor in Great Ormond Street, he told us that was his only chance of surviving basically. So they’ve tried giving him all the drugs, the medicines, that they could but he wasn’t reacting to it very well. And the last chance that we had was to put him on ECMO. So he was only two days old at that time. He was a small, newborn baby. So it does come with a lot of risks. The doctor sat us down, I remember that time, and he basically listed to us all the things that could go wrong. And one of them was that, because he is quite unstable and his heart was failing, his liver was failing, he had a high chance of getting a stroke or even bleeding. Because again, they

Young Newlywed Entrepreneurs [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: They say that compared to older generations, young people can be very optimistic. They’re full of energy and often come up with fresh ideas because they aren’t always set in their ways. What does this have to do with today’s topic? Stay tuned and find out. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: The willingness of the youth to try new things, coupled with their ability to quickly adapt to new technologies, make them natural leaders in the ever-developing small business climate. Our newlywed couple today are really quite young, but they’re also aspiring entrepreneurs. Let’s welcome Kegan and Ailafaye to Happy Life. Hello, you two. Kegan and Ailafaye Baker: Hello! Myrtle: Both of you are still quite young. What made you decide that this is the right time to get married, and would you mind telling us how old you both are? Kegan Baker: We’re both 21 and we started dating when we were 18. Her parents were very strict. They had a lot of rules. We wanted to gain their trust. We had to be home at a certain time, very early in the night, like eight o’clock. We would rush home at like 6:30. We were like, “Oh we gotta get home. We don’t want to get her parents to be mad at us. And we wanted to avoid temptations and to be careful. We saw, like, a lot of people our age going out and doing things that weren’t necessarily appropriate for Church Of Christ members, especially like later on in the night they’d go clubbing and things like that, or they’d go travel together and they’re not married. And we wanted to avoid that as much as possible, because we are members of the Church [Of Christ]. We want God’s blessing in everything that we do. We wanted to also go and travel the world together, to embark on a new journey, and get to know each other better. So, that’s why we decided to get married so early on, and we wanted to just start our lives together. Ailafaye Baker: Aside from my parents, we had a lot of help from the brethren within the Church. One of the brethren was Brother Ricky Bravo, who’s a minister in the Church Of Christ, and his wife, Sister May Bravo. So we would go over there for dinner, and they are a couple that we really really trust because, truthfully, they remind us a lot about ourselves. They shared stories with us that they’re actually the opposite of us. Sister May and Brother Ricky Bravo, they got married later on in life, and she actually shared with me that they got criticized for being a lot older. They always had their home open for us whenever we needed any type of guidance. That’s why we developed a good relationship with them. Since he’s a minister in the Church, we would always be comfortable enough to ask him questions and advice. He would share [with] us the words of Almighty God and counsel us when we had problems. Myrtle: So did you find that people questioned your decision to get married so young? Ailafaye: A lot of people actually did question our decision to get married young. A lot of people would ask us why. “Why would you get married so young?” “There’s a lot to live for.” “There’s a lot out there to do.” “You’re still in college,” or “That person is holding you back.” But I think the easiest way to put it is that you love this person, and you trust this person, and you build a relationship with them. A lot of people assumed I was pregnant, and that was the main reason why we would be getting married. And it hurt my emotions a lot, because I had to have this negative reason to be marrying him. Sometimes, because I’m a human, it would get to me. When you hear the words of other people you start to question yourself, but only you know the truth. We know what’s true. And we trusted in God to get rid of those rumors actually. My mom, I came to her for guidance. I asked her, “Mom, there’s a lot of people saying these things about me.” And she told me to be more prayerful, and to ignore them, and that God knows what’s true. “Anywhere you go,” she always told me this, she said, “even if I’m not watching you, God is always watching you.” We didn’t let what others said hurt us. We just became more prayerful. It actually strengthened our faith [in] God. We just took all the negative and basically wanted to show everyone that through faith anything is possible. Myrtle: And, Kegan, Ailafaye said that you two knew the truth and, you know, of course God knows the truth. How important was it to have your family’s support as well? Kegan: It was very important, but it was really harder for me because I had just become, you know, newly [baptized] in the Church, and they had just met her. They didn’t really believe in the same things we believe. But praise be to God that my mom and my stepdad are now in the Church. Myrtle: Aww! Kegan: Yeah. Myrtle: Congrats! That’s awesome. Kegan: It was really, really important that I had her parents’ blessing, which is why I bought a house so early on in my life is I saved every penny I made working, because I didn’t want to marry her and not have anything for her. I didn’t want to live on the streets with her being married, you know? Myrtle: You said that it was important for you to have her family’s support. So, you know, how did you get them, I guess, to come around to the idea of you two getting married so young? Kegan: A lot of prayer, a lot of going to devotional prayers, talking with them, them getting to know me more. Our families really championed us because they wanted the best for us. Even though we were young they were like, “You guys have a bright future. We want to see you do the things that you want in this life, just as long as they are in accordance with God’s will. Myrtle: That’s great advice. And you know, with marriage, there are a lot of adjustments and challenges and that might be extra difficult for a couple so young. So I was wondering, what inspired you to start your own business at this stage in your life? Kegan: I have always had a passion for food. I love cooking. I started cooking when I was 14 in restaurants. That was my first cooking job ever. I’ve always been very ambitious. In culinary, I’ve watched, nonstop studied, practiced all the time. I’d buy, like, bags of potatoes and just practice knife cuts. But my wife is the main reason I started this business. She always believed in what I can do. She always showed that she really cared about my passions and stuff. My mom, she started a Hawaiian shave ice truck, and she told me how hard it was to start. And she kind of helped guide me. I’m Hawaiian and Filipino. I’ve always loved just cooking. So my goal is to showcase my talents and my family’s culture. Growing up, I didn’t learn about my cultures that much, because we lived separated from my grandparents on both sides. Myrtle: So what do you love about, you know, the Hawaiian culture and cuisine? Kegan: I love just the different flavors and how they’re so different. Filipino food is like more, you know, vinegar, black pepper and all that stuff. And then Hawaiian food is a little more sweet and then when you have them together, it’s just so good. I want to bring my family’s culture and my food to the people of Orlando, because there’s not that many easily accessible foods, for people who are from the Philippines or from Hawaii, here. They’re always like, “Oh, there’s never any good places around here.” They’re all mixed or not authentic and it’s hard for them. I want to support the needs of my family, my wife, and then I want to also be able to give back to the Church. Myrtle: So you said you started pretty much cooking when you were 14. You know, how else did you kind of add to your culinary skills and how did you continue to learn? Kegan: I did a lot of reading, a lot of watching people. And then, since I was in restaurants a lot of chefs helped me to develop my skills, as well as my own mom, and my wife’s family as well. They were kind of the harshest critics, but they always did it with love and helped me to become the best chef version of myself. Myrtle: What do you love about that, Ailafaye, that he’s such a good chef? Ailafaye: I think the best thing about that is that, like he said, my family is the greatest critic. So, a lot of that comes from how strict they are. So,when it comes to food, we’re from Pampanga, which is the food capital of the Philippines. So, my dad takes a lot of pride in his cooking, because that’s how my grandmother took care of them when they were younger. So, when they would criticize him about even, like, how he chops the food, or how the flavor of the food is, it has to be spot on. And he was surprised, because of how critical my family is, that he started to develop in a way that, like, I thought he would be offended. But instead he grew to challenge himself, and he got over every obstacle. Sometimes my dad would be so mean, that he would need to take a moment, go to the room and pray, and then come back and try again. So, him being able to take criticism, and basically taking it as a way to better himself in his cooking, was what makes him a best chef for me. Myrtle: Oh, well good on you, Kegan. You’re growing a tough skin at a young age, you know, and I think that’s really needed in any kind of industry where you’re really trying to go after your dreams. People are going to criticize you, people are going to pretty much try to pull you down, but you’ve just gotta keep going. Right? I mean, you’ve got the support of your family, and your wife, and you’ve got God. So, just keep praying about it. So, how did you prepare yourselves to become

Cross Border Love During a Pandemic [Show Opens] Myrtle Alegado: With today’s technology the world doesn’t seem so large, and we can easily connect with friends and family. It has even made it easier to find a romantic love interest across borders, or even across the world, and stay in a long-distance relationship. We’ll discuss more about this in our episode today. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INC Media Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. And later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show Catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle: Our newlyweds, for this Happy Life episode, are a long-distance, cross border, transnational love story success! Zachary is originally from Toronto, Canada, and Isabelle is from the Bay Area of Northern California. Thanks for agreeing to chat with us today on Happy Life, Zach and Isabelle. Zachary Sese: Hello, Myrtle. Hello, everyone. Thank you. Isabelle Sese: Hi, Myrtle. Thank you for having us. Myrtle: So how was your day today? Zachary: Not bad. We’re here traveling towards an area in Wyoming, a long drive. Isabelle: Yeah, it was a long drive. This is our seventh state in the past seven days. Zachary: We’ve traveled seven states in seven days, yeah. Myrtle: Wow! Well, we appreciate that you’re joining us today, despite your traveling, and despite all the distance that you’ve logged on your car probably. So we’ve had a lot of previous Happy Life guests who were also in long-distance relationships before marriage, but we haven’t really discussed, in depth, the challenges of being in one. Why don’t you two share how you met, and how you got engaged, and of course eventually married. Zachary: Before we were married, we were actually both District KADIWA presidents. It’s an organization in the Church Of Christ for the youth that’s aged 18 and up who aren’t married. In 2018, we had a KadCon. This is a conference for those members within that organization. I was actually District KADIWA vice president at the time. Part of this activity is that we recorded something with KADIWA officers all across North America, and these videos would be shown to every local [congregation] across the world. Through these videos, that’s where I actually noticed Isabelle in one of the videos. I guess she definitely caught my eye. I started to like her from those videos. So, I guess you could say I was a fan of her, but I mentioned to a friend of mine that I thought she was cute, she was pretty. And it turned out that Isabelle had actually visited Toronto recently to attend a wedding, and the friend that I mentioned to had actually met Isabelle. So yes, it was actually interesting. We actually had mutual friends already. Myrtle: That’s so cool. Isabelle: Yeah, so two months after that KadCon, late 2018 so probably late December and even early January 2019, the friend that Zach told that I was cute, shout out to Chryselle, she actually messaged me. She said that she had friends who were visiting the Bay Area for vacation. So she asked if I could meet up with them and tour them around. Then she eventually gave me Zach’s contact information. So when I did reach out to Zach, I asked him for his itinerary, when they were planning to be visiting. But when I found out the dates he was visiting the Bay Area, it just so happened that I was going to be in the Philippines, so we didn’t actually get to meet in person. But we did start messaging on Telegram starting from then. Zachary: Based on that, when we started messaging, I personally thought that she had no idea I was interested in her. I thought I was playing my cards right. Myrtle: Playing it cool? Zachary: Yeah [laughs], but we just kept talking and sending video messages to each other. And it was when she got back to California, after her trip, we started to video chat with one another, and then in January or February 2019 I finally told her that I liked her. And then from there, she mentioned, “Hey, you know, you’ve got to ask my parents.” So in April 2019, so just a few months after, when I was able to get enough vacation days, I flew to California and asked her parents if I could officially court her. And then, thankfully, we got engaged two years later in June of 2021. Actually, I wanted it to be sooner. I wanted to propose, actually, the year before that. But because of COVID-19, the restrictions were really tough. So, I was just waiting for that one opportunity to just be able to fly.And then we ended up getting married in January 2022. Myrtle: Yeah, that darn COVID. Isabelle: Oh, yeah. Myrtle: You know, if anything, it kind of taught us patience a little bit didn’t it? Zachary: Yeah. [laughs] Isabelle: It definitely did. Myrtle: Well, that was kind of a whirlwind, you know, relationship from 2019 to getting married in 2021. What were the biggest challenges in having a cross-border long-distance relationship or, you know, what people call LDR? Zachary: See, what’s actually funny is that before I met Isabelle, I actually didn’t want to date anyone from the West Coast. I apologize to anyone from the West Coast. Just hear me out. [laughs] It’s just that it’s far from Toronto, and I always thought that there was a big challenge with the time zone. The three hours, it can get pretty, pretty difficult especially later at night. But when we did get to see each other it was never long enough to visit, and the limited vacation days and other responsibilities, it made it really hard for us to be able to have a lot of time to really spend with one another. Isabelle: So for my side, very opposite side of the spectrum compared to Zach. I’ve actually been in long-distance relationships, and I actually preferred it because I had a little bit more of independence. But when Zach and I were in an LDR, I thought it was way more difficult because I knew he was the one, and I wanted to be with him already, especially in person. So, I guess the biggest challenge was to be patient while waiting to see each other in person. With the three hour time zone difference, it was definitely difficult to schedule quality time, because whenever I was sleeping, like early in the morning, he was already getting ready for work. And then whenever he was getting ready to sleep, I was just getting out of work. So, that was pretty difficult for us to coordinate, especially with our busy lives, but we found a way. He would usually just stay up till 2am and wait for me. So that’s how we were able to find our quality time. Zachary: Actually to interject with that, it’s funny because the years that we were dating, because I really pushed myself to stay up for her to adjust to the time zone, I  think all these years I’ve always been on the west coast time zone. Myrtle: [laughs] You started training yourself early, I guess. Well you know, I completely understand, because when my husband and I were dating, way before video chats were even available by the way, he lived in Hawaii and I was in Toronto. So, our time difference was six hours. Isabelle: Oh, wow! Zachary: Oh, man! Myrtle: Yeah but you know, we made it work too. So, that’s one thing you take away from long-distance relationships, right? You put in a little bit more work, but it’s worthwhile. So is there anything you enjoyed about having a cross-border, long-distance, relationship? Isabelle: For me, I really liked being able to focus on my life. In relationships, when both people are from the same area, you tend to see that they devote a lot of time to each other, which is not a bad thing. But from my personal experience, I felt like I always put myself on the back burner and focused on the relationship only or more. So, being in a long-distance relationship, that really allowed me to find that balance. So, I got to spend more time with my parents, I focused on my career, my responsibilities with Church, and even my self-care time, and I got to spend time with Zach because we really had to schedule everything. Zachary: We talk about it a lot that we both really enjoyed the space. I personally felt like I had the appropriate amount of space, and even though we were apart, it [was] almost as if we had the space, but we were still together because we would video call a lot with each other. So, I could do my activities, she could do her activities. I could perform my duties, she could perform her duties, and we could do whatever we needed to do. It was enough for us, because we were still in each other’s lives. But because we were so far from each other, we were very understanding that we both had our individual lives, our responsibilities, and priorities. And we never really had any arguments about the lack of attention or not having enough time for each other. So, the physical distance made us more understanding of the fact that we had other things to attend to. Myrtle: Yeah, and then when you do, you know, have your time together it’s almost like you cherish it a little bit more, right? Zachary: It definitely means more. We definitely valued every time when we were physically together. It really felt much more. Myrtle: See, only LDR people know this, right? [laughs] Zachary and Isabelle: [laugh] Myrtle: Now aside from your video chatting, and your video calls, how else did you stay in touch and communicate with one another? Zachary: Well, what’s interesting is that the way we actually met, per se, was through messaging. So, we were always used to communicating with one another that way. It started from text messaging, and then it evolved to sending video messages, and then eventually to video calls. So a good chunk of time, when we never hung out, was on video calls and we understood that was the nature of our relationship, and we were very understanding and su

Age Gaps In Marriage [Show opens] Myrtle Alegado: When you hear that someone you know is dating an older person, perhaps several years older. What goes through your mind? Do you form an opinion either way about their relationship because of a potential generational gap. Let’s see how the discussion unfolds today with our newlyweds with an age gap. Welcome to Happy Life, a podcast brought to you by INCMedia Audio that aims to help newlyweds navigate through the first years of marriage. I’m your host, Myrtle Alegado, and I’ve been married to my husband, Paul, since 1999. Later, we’ll hear some Bible-based advice through Brother Felmar Serreno, a minister of the gospel in the Church Of Christ. [Show catchphrase] Inspiration to make your marriage thrive, you’re listening to Happy Life. Myrtle Alegado: As mentioned earlier, our newlywed couple today has an age gap that might even be considered a generational gap as well. Jasmine and Mac are from Winnipeg, Canada. Hi, you two, and welcome to Happy Life. Jasmine Balacano: Hi! Mac Balacano: Hi there. Myrtle Alegado: How’s Winnipeg life at the moment? Jasmine Balacano: Pretty muddy, rainy. Not bad. [laughs] Myrtle Alegado: It’s rainy here too, but, you know, such is the case with our west coast city. So when did you both get married, and how have you been enjoying married life since then? Jasmine Balacano: We got married last year, May 2021, during the pandemic. We had a pretty serious lockdown at the time, and it was very stressful. We had to change the wedding date about three or four times. Myrtle Alegado: Oh, wow. Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, and we were only allowed to have 10 people at the wedding. So, yup. [laughs] Mac Balacano: Yeah, and it’s  been a very busy year for us. I can’t even believe it’s been one year. I often joke with people that I feel like in 2021 I got a new life. We got married, [and] I ended up getting a new job. So, working in a new industry, building a new team, new processes and things like that. So work’s been very busy. We also got a new dog, Loki, who is a puppy. He’s almost one now, but you know around that time when we first got him, he [was] obviously quite the handful. So life’s been very busy, but of course we’ve been enjoying every moment of it. Myrtle Alegado: I mean, all of that, plus a pandemic going on still. You know, I can imagine how, you know, hectic and intense the first year has been for you two. And I know other newlyweds can relate to how chaotic the first months can be. So I know you have an age gap, and I won’t mention exactly how many years. Let’s just say that Jasmine’s in her 20s and Mac’s in his 30s. What did you like about each other in the beginning, despite the age gap? Mac Balacano: You know for me, when I first met Jasmine, it was really just that our conversation clicked. You know, at that time, when even reflecting back on when I was talking to other people or getting to know people, you know, there’s always something kind of missing. And with Jasmine that was never the case. Our conversations just clicked, they flowed, they were very natural. We often talk about how we’re best friends, and we’re very fortunate to have that. But that’s definitely, you know, the biggest thing for me. Jasmine Balacano: For myself, I was honestly unaware of the age gap. Actually, I think both of us were. We just had no idea. But we met at church and my first impression of Mac was like, you know, “Wow, he’s so active. He’s doing KADIWA stuff, he’s a CWS (Children’s Worship Service) teacher, all kinds of things. And one thing that always stood out to me too was, not just that he was already very successful but, he was just always dressed to the nines, in a suit, lift up the bottom of his pants…boom, funky socks and shoes. I don’t know, it just got me. I just thought that was so funny. I was like, “Who is this guy?” And like he said, our conversations always just really clicked. We always had very witty banter and kind of like challenging each other. But overall, like, we always just kind of understood each other. When we were finally aware of the age gap, it never really felt like it was anything to be worried about, because we always just felt like we were on the same level anyway. Myrtle Alegado:  Well, it definitely helps if your conversations are effortless, and age doesn’t indicate any compatibility in my opinion, and what’s that saying? Age is just a number. So, you know, I’m sure that’s pretty much how you two thought about the situation when you first started talking to each other. And, Jasmine, you mentioned that Mac was active in the KADIWA. Let me just clarify that that’s the youth group in the Church Of Christ for those who are 18 and older who are unmarried. So now, you know, what [are] the things that you appreciate about each other’s personalities. Jasmine Balacano: For me, things I appreciate about Mac is he’s very ambitious, he’s very much a go-getter, and it’s very inspiring. You know, when I first met him, he had so much going on, like, even outside of church activities. He was volunteering at all kinds of different organizations, apart from his own work. He wakes up every morning, and he’s just so optimistic. And you know, he’s the guy that would show up all the time. Like, you ask him to be there, he’s there. You ask him to do this, he’s doing it. He always keeps his word, and that was something that was very important to me, because he’s just very loyal and trustworthy. One of the other bigger things is he is such a critical thinker. I never used to be a critical thinker. I’d say because I am much younger my perspective is not as broad, right? So he would always kind of challenge me and push me out of my normal frame of thinking, and he always plays up the opposing opinion whenever we have discussions. It’s really refreshing to have someone not agree with me, because I love to be right all the time. I just love to prove my point and be right, but I can never win with Mac I find. I can never win. But he’s like the perfect balance for me. Myrtle Alegado: So he’s a sharp dresser, and he’s a stand up guy? Awww. [laughs] Jasmine Balacano: Yeah, pretty much. [laughs] Myrtle Alegado:  So, Mac, how about you? Mac Balacano: Yeah, no I mean, sorry. I’m blushing a little bit here. So as Jasmine kind of described, I think you can kind of read between the lines. You know, I definitely have an A-type personality. So, you know, she really helps me balance my personality out. She really forces me to be more patient, really take the time to, what’s that saying, “stop and smell the roses,” just to slow down a little bit which I really appreciate. Because I think that’s so important that we all, even though we’re busy, we take time to really reflect and just to appreciate all the smaller and more simple things in life. And so she really helps to do that for me. So I really, certainly, appreciate that. The other thing is she’s very creative and handy. That is the complete opposite of me. I’m a very logical, structured kind of person, so I have a really hard time with very abstract kind[s] of things. And I’m really not good with handy things around the house, as what we’ve learned. So she’s actually the one who’s really good at that. So that’s really helpful. Myrtle Alegado: And you’re going through a reno[vation] right now? Mac Balacano: Yeah. Jasmine Balacano: We are. Mac Balacano: Exactly, yeah. So she’s been instrumental in that for sure. And yeah, she’s really great to bounce ideas off of, and to talk things through. And again, just because we’re looking at things from different perspectives, you know, that’s very helpful. And I guess, you know, one of the other more lighthearted thing[s] is she really helps me find great gifts for other people. I mean, that’s part of her creativity, right. So I have a really hard time with that, so that’s fantastic. I know some of those are serious, some of those are a little bit more lighthearted, but at the end of the day, you know, I do believe that these are rare traits. The other really great thing about her, she’s very empathetic and sympathetic to people. She really helps me kind of be able to put myself in other people’s shoes, you know, whenever I’m trying to understand other folks, so that’s really wonderful. I feel very lucky, you know, that she has those to kind of help balance me out. And she’s really my better half. Myrtle Alegado:  And I think that’s so great. Honestly, I find that just like you two a lot of couples find that their spouse does complete them in a sense or, you know, helps them to feel more balanced, I guess. And obviously, spouses each have different personalities. So, you know, are there occasions when you do get irritated with one another? Is that the case with you two? Does that happen? Mac Balacano: [laughs] Yeah, no, definitely. I mean, I imagine that’s for every married couple. But, you know, for me, yeah, Jasmine can be all over the place. At times she can find it hard to focus. And so like a simple example of that, I think, is just as this past year we’re getting used to living together, you know, she’ll start one thing and she won’t finish it. She’ll switch to something else and then she won’t finish that. And then I’ll be like, “Hey, did you do this?” Oh, like, “I completely forgot,” right? Or, “Hey where’s this?” and it’s just somewhere you would completely not expect it to be. You know, she tends to get distracted very easily. Sometimes it feels like very often, but anyway. So, that’s something definitely, I’m challenged with at times. Jasmine Balacano: It’s really funny, because I think he takes everything too seriously. You know, I’m always like, “You need to just relax.” And he’s very, like, everything needs to be organized. He’s not to this extent, but it’s basically like, “I don’t want my peas touching this,” kind of keep the food separate on the plate is kind of how I could best describe him. Like, he likes tidy, but in no way am I a tidy think