DiscoverHeather McMahan
Heather McMahan
Claim Ownership

Heather McMahan

Author: Dear Media

Subscribed: 12,165Played: 262,360
Share

Description

"Absolutely not" to legitimately everything.....Comedian Heather McMahan creates a safe-space for us to tell-all and bitch about the rest. No topics are off-limits as we break down the everyday struggles of doing the most, and the least, at the same damn time. Come for the humor, authentic discussion or call in the Hotline or should we say "Absolutely NOT-Line" with your life complaints. We will discuss it all. It's a joyful take on life's craziest moments.
123 Episodes
Reverse
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather finally gets her mother to sit down and give her 10 minutes of time. Robin has an extensive pro's and cons list of dating must-haves, and good luck to anyone at all that can live up to her list of demands. Naturally the conversation is as ADHD as the kid named Terry in your first grade class, but here we are folks.    Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual. That’s 10% off at ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media.  
Dog's On It

Dog's On It

2021-10-0657:022

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is jolted back into her Suburban life with paying bills and dealing with Diva Red. Nothing more humbling than coming home to your mother screaming about parking prices. She's taking your calls on the Absolutely-Not-Line, and it seems like y'all are struggling to keep your shit together just like Heather. It's refreshing to know, that October is off to a hot mess and no one can fit in their jeans either.    Right now, you can get $20 off your first purchase at rothys.com/ABSOLUTELY   Right now, when you go to thepillclub.com/ABSOLUTELY The Pill Club is offering a $10 donation to Bedsider.org for every Absolutely Not listener who becomes a patient.   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Wellness Update: High

Wellness Update: High

2021-10-0148:59

Heather is in the Mile High City, or as she now calls it The High City. We are talking mom weed, IBS, depressed flowers and Heather's rude awakening returning to the US after her Italian adventure.    Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Get free shipping on all water and merch at liquiddeath.com/absolutely. Or grab some at Whole Foods or 7-Eleven.    Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media.  
On this Special bonus Episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is once again recording from Italy before heading to the Mile-High City (Denver) to continue her tour. Not all is as it seems in idyllic Repubblica Italiana as Heather copes with being bamboozled with overpriced laundry and glass sculptures. Jeff joins in to justify the need to photograph everything and his observations on Italy’s rich culture.   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY   If you need a little support to help you through the end of the year, or want to start building towards a better upcoming year, Talkspace is here to help. Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.   I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   So, go on--get comfortable, and get it for less at Brooklinen. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100.   Produced by Dear Media.     
On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is recording from her hotel in Venice,Italy. She has already spent too much money and is waiting for the hotel to kick her out once they realize she cannot actually afford this lifestyle. Jeff and Heather discuss the rose and thorn of their trip thus far and hopefully their marriage makes it to the next stop, Firenze.   This episode was brought to you by Venus for Pubic Hair and Skin. Check out gillettevenus.com to learn more about why these products have been flying off shelves everywhere.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Must Be Nice!

Must Be Nice!

2021-09-1552:071

On this episode of Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has come unhinged with the bullshit. Between Jeff's sweaty ass and everyone giving their opinion on everything, MUST BE REAL NICE SHERYL, to blow up your own facebook with insanity.  She's hitting the Absolutely Not line and its very clear y'all are rolling into fall on the hot mess express.   Get more time back to *do you* and take care of yourself this summer! Go to DAILYHARVEST.com and enter code absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box!   Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to Prose.com/absolutely.   Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely   Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual.   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Cody From New Jersey

Cody From New Jersey

2021-09-1159:121

On this episode Heather breaks down her trip to Vegas, how she survived but wishes she had a scooter the whole time. She's taking your calls from the Hotline and giving you a hot safety tip reminder!      Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely     Get 10% off for first time users in when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code ABSOLUTELY   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY.    See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.     Produced by Dear Media.
This Girl's Gotta Eat!

This Girl's Gotta Eat!

2021-09-0149:251

Heather is joined by Ashley Hesseltine and Rayna Greenberg, hosts of the Girls Gotta Eat Podcast to chat all things tour life, unruly fans and wild college memories. Buckle in for this one!    Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual.    I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Spread Thick

Spread Thick

2021-08-2954:00

Heather is back in LA and she is hot and bothered - literally! In todays' episode Heather talks tour life, gives her best dating advice and stalks an LA masseuse (were looking at your Ruben). Buckle up for this wild ride!    Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY   Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.   Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Produced by Dear Media. 
Heather has teamed up with Old Navy for this episode all about bod-equality and being your most "boss a$$ b*tch" self. She also gets into the perils of cat-fishing, why all Scottish men are hot and why women should really just lean the f*ck out.    See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Roll Tide!

Roll Tide!

2021-08-2140:332

Heather gets down and dirty with her thoughts on the Alabama Sorority Rush craze and recounts her own experiences as a southern sorority girl!    This episode is brought to you by Venus. Check out gillettevenus.com to learn more about why these products have been flying off shelves everywhere.   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back on the road tearing it up one club at a time. She's in Arkansas and happier than a literal pig in shit to be telling jokes again. She's wrestling with a lil razorback aka all y'alls problems from the Hotline too! Shits getting wild, we got ladies suckin on bars of soap In Target!    Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.   Go to CheapCaribbean.com/Absolutely-Not to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach.   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY   Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.   Produced by Dear Media. 
To Be Honest

To Be Honest

2021-08-1158:52

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather answers the age-old questions of "How do I get back at my ex-fiance?", "Why is everyone an idiot?", "Is the world ending?" ya know, light hearted life advice and such. She hits the Absolutely Not Line while shamelessly plugging her comedy tour she is desperate for you to come to.   Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   Produced by Dear Media. 
Communal Dildo

Communal Dildo

2021-08-0449:013

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hit the Absolutely Not line with all of your insane but very valid issues. It's apparent no one at the CDC knows what's going on and we apparently all need to freshen up on our Morris code, because a storm is -A-brewing!    Go to CheapCaribbean.com/absolutely-not to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach.   You can try OSEA risk-free for 30 days and get free shipping on orders over $50. They even send free samples with every order! And get 10% off your first order with my promo code ABSOLUTELY at OSEAmalibu.com.   Your new nail life is here! Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com   Get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/ABSOLUTELY.   Produced by Dear Media. 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather checks in on her buddy and apparent Warehouse Party-goer, Ray Padilla. He is a pillar of the "Leisure Gay" community and here to judge you. They discuss Strip clubs, ideal work environments and future goals.    Go to dailyharvest.com and enter code absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box!   I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.   Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY     Produced by Dear Media. 
Reverse Results

Reverse Results

2021-07-2153:041

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is day 1 on a cleanse in the words of Chris Farley "STARVING OVER HERE". She is hitting the hotline harder than ever before. It is always comforting to her to see that everyone else is doing as terrible as she is!    Go to WithAgency.com/absolutelynot for a free 30-day trial, just pay $4.95 for shipping and handling!   Go to CheapCaribbean.com/AbsolutelyNot to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100   To start listening, simply download the Spotify app, sign up for FREE, and search for Armchair Expert.   Produced by Dear Media 
On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has been in her basement working on the tour and has her buddy Christopher Ketner trapped. They decided to jump into the voicemail hotline to see what you lil rascals have been up to.   Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off of your order.   Get 10% off your first Versed order when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code ABSOLUTELY.    Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to Prose.com/absolutely.   Listen to Armchair Expert for free, now ONLY on Spotify.   Produced by Dear Media. 
Energy Suck

Energy Suck

2021-07-0845:152

Heather is fresh from her vacay in the Turks and has a PSA for anyone trying to be a friggin LESLIE out there. We literally  don't have time for this shit. It's a Hot Girl's Summer and a few of y'all are coming in with an icy attitude. Heather hits the hotline and answers some of your questions and more.      Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.   Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100     Produced by Dear Media. 
Double Bagged

Double Bagged

2021-06-3054:512

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her mother and artist extraordinaire, The Red Contemporary, to discuss work, dating, and general fabulosity. Diva Red is  dishing out a healthy dose of not fucking around, per usual.    Go to CheapCaribbean.com/AbsolutelyNot to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach.     Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely   You can try OSEA risk-free for 30 days and get free shipping on orders over $50. They even send free samples with every order! And get 10% off your first order with my promo code ABSOLUTELY at OSEAmalibu.com.   To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.    Produced by Dear Media. 
Patient Portal

Patient Portal

2021-06-2354:351

On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather gets a lil pep-in-her-step after realizing she might in-fact qualify for the Olympics. After hitting the Voicemail hot line, she finds out someone got their vagina scratch by a house cat and lube is on lock-up at da Walmarts. That and more!    Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.    Get 10% off for first time users when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code Absolutely   Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely   Produced by Dear Media. 
loading
Comments (29)

Jessica Goehler

Girl! ABSOLUTELY NOT to post Covid fatigue! But ABSOLUTELY YES to recovery! Love and Light from Chicago!

Feb 3rd
Reply

Sherry Cain-Walther

"Damn That's Hot!" is freaking hilarious!

Sep 16th
Reply

Jackie allen

abso fucking lutely YES to being SOO ANNOYED these fuckers half- ass research and then say they have a fucking surprise. I would have immediately blown up if he threw that Cartier box at me and then asked for a fucking sandwich! Absolutely not.

Jul 8th
Reply

Jackie allen

HEATHER! COME BACK TO US!

Jun 17th
Reply

MichelleA03

I’m loving this podcast. Yass!! Sending love from Ohio!!

May 24th
Reply

nlc2m5

true. true. true. on the Nordstrom Cafe. 100%. handsdown.

Jan 14th
Reply (1)

Kat

Thank you for turning me on to Megababe! I tried them all and this non aluminum deodorant is the best! got my man the ball powder too💜💜💜💜

Dec 25th
Reply (1)

Nichole mazza

So True! Have some respect for her! It takes alot to perform in front of all of us. 💯

Dec 7th
Reply

Lisa Longley

Best episode yet! You ARE A WARRIOR!! Glad you’re feeling better!!

Oct 31st
Reply (1)

Malia

Heather you're good but I didn't really care for your point of view with this podcast. I usually love listening to your podcasts but this one sounded like two privileged white girls. I had to stop listening bc it was just terrible. Jokes can be dark but we as females need to change the culture for other females and stand up to men. Saying "oh he learned that rape was bad" is promoting that men can get away with it. We all know rape or any force of sexual activity is bad from the start and if you do it or continue to do it. Then yes, you should be punished.

Sep 27th
Reply (2)

Jessica Taylor

anyone else hear an annoying sound during this ep? I wish I couldve listened to the whole thing but it got annoying. unless it was just my phone?? lmk if anyone had that issue. :)

Sep 18th
Reply

Kerry Toth

Amazing

Sep 17th
Reply

Kay williams

Like....so anyway. Like, here’s the thing, like... well, like......

Aug 24th
Reply

Cliffy B.

Ep6 You had me at “I can’t be around crackheads anymore” & “lumber sexual”

Aug 3rd
Reply

Cliffy B.

Ep5. So dope. Great EP. Raymond was nails

Aug 3rd
Reply

Barb Winkelman

Absolutely the best episode yet! And the others were fabulous! Can you put together a daily ? Incredible fun! Thank you!

Jul 24th
Reply (1)

Nina Alexandra

Nothing Bundt Cake's red velvet= game changer

Jul 22nd
Reply (1)

Cliffy B.

Ep4 meh

Jul 18th
Reply (1)

Cliffy B.

Ep3. This episode is so f***ed up. I LOVE IT

Jul 14th
Reply

not sure why

I love this Heather keep em coming

Jul 4th
Reply
Download from Google Play
Download from App Store