Hello Dysfunction

<div>Childhood best friends, PataFria: a professional Dominatrix, mommy/grandma and overall jack of all trades, and Crystal: a die hard animal lover, mommy/wife, peacemaker and caregiver of MANY share hilariously dysfunctional stories from their personal lives. Navigating mental illness, familial chaos, awkward sexual experiences, views on current events, a little gossip, the dumpster fire of politics and so much more. <br /> “Nothing is off limits and <em>everything</em> is funny”<br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> </div>

S2 Ep336: “It’s Me….Hello”

It’s been a rough week, neurodivergent headquarters, rethinking barber school and  congratulations to raffle winners LUVY and TESSA JENKINS!! TikTok is cooked, give back plastic bags, sneaky workplace fun and inappropriate grandmas. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

01-29
01:08:39

S1 Ep334: Jacosta

Peez is a feisty old woman, Pat’s been cooking, Crystal made a mistake and hands off Venezuela. Abolish ICE, new holsters, a surprise protein source and stay away from mad scientists. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

01-10
01:35:04

S1 Ep333: Happy New Year 2026

Nice coats, big cleaning plans, NYE traditions and prime thrifting. School for fun, Mochi is innocent, give us our plastic bags and the United States is an ATM.For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

01-01
01:21:15

S1 Ep332: A Christmas Miracle

Disclaimer: we’ve experienced some technical difficulties this week so our apologies for the sound quality!! They have since been corrected so next week will be great! Christmas is over, the best neighbor is gone, Crystal scored on marketplace and warn your kids before their toys pee. Mochi might be up for adoption, buy your sons baby dolls, magas had a rough week and Crystal invented new nachos. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

12-28
01:11:52

S1 Ep331: Crazy As A Betsy Bug

Pat is sick, telepathy is real, it’s ok to be a gremlin and the holiday party was LOVE. Christmas can be every day, let’s play QVC, POTUS finds a new low and perimenopause changes your senses! For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

12-18
01:33:20

S1 Ep330: Do A Bump

Pat is the grinch, we hate inconsiderate neighbors, check on your mom if she screams and 67 is not a devil number. Dressing for attention is over, always use the correct wipes, 304s need to up their price and actually make excellent housewives.  For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

12-12
01:42:51

S1 Ep329: Dirty White Gremlin

Celebs will always let you down, don’t claim to be native unless you have proof, the holiday party is almost here and increase pay for all teachers! Cats speak English, Pat the barber, above average social skills and let’s be ants. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

12-05
02:07:50

S1 Ep328: The San Francisco Treat

The holidays are here, eat some weevils, we love a mullet and Zach had a nice breakfast. Crystal had an oops, there’s something strange in the neighborhood, don’t flush honeydew and no more Campbell’s soup!For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

11-28
01:27:04

S1 Ep327: AC Transit Belt

Get your Holiday Hangout tickets, old episodes are crazy, Crystal loves dirty bears and grief is weird. Growing up without parents is hard, don’t gamble with Pat, some kids need hit and shoplifting class. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join us on Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

11-20
01:53:14

S1 Ep326: Christmas Committee

Earthquake! Happy Birthday Carolyn, we had a garage sale and no more pennies. Teeth are a luxury, Christmas is cancelled, churches aren’t walking the walk and art theft is so lazy. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

11-15
02:12:24

S1 Ep325: Wiener War

Happy Birthday Will! Crystal is in disguise, daylight savings is whooping us and poor people can scam. We’re only good at war, push kids to learn phonics, Aileen didn’t get a fair trial and Crystal snuck off to the movies. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

11-07
01:25:05

S1 Ep323: I Don't Got The Spirit

The universe said Pat’s been too happy, people have been mean to Crystal, Blueface is possibly Pat’s soulmate and Peez dances to her own drum. Don’t knock b*tches at the gym, get your merch while you can, protect your neighbors and you can’t pray away mental illness.  For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

10-24
02:04:45

S1 Ep322: Those Are Garfield's Words

Happy 7 years, Columbus Day my *ss, sunglasses at the gym and no more jean jackets? White dog poop, nostalgic snacks, some new bills and separate beds. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

10-15
01:44:28

S1 Ep321: He Had Pony Tails

Teach your kids to keep their hands to themselves, Crystal had an awkward encounter, Peez taught herself piano and Happy Birthday Kandi! We miss churro cheesecake, don’t scam people with photoshop, October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and we’re making ourselves impatient.  For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com

10-10
02:08:15

S1 Ep320: In Women's Business

Don’t copy Peez’ mom, Crystal misses Jnco’s, the daytime isn’t so bad and today is Orange Shirt Day. Spumoni is a top tier dessert, let people wear what they want, sometimes you have to tattoo your face and some celebrities don’t deserve anyone’s  attention.  For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com

10-02
02:00:56

S1 Ep319: More Nightmares

Earthquakes and indecisive weather, dreaming of scams, Bay Area crime cases and some good Facebook drama. An interesting theory on soulmates, Peez is a baker, did Crystal have an animal returned, and the rapture was rescheduled. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com

09-27
02:06:59

S1 Ep318: I Step On Men

Crystal had big feet, Pat is a fitness girly, Mochi had an adventure and Peez’ teacher messed up. Book club ideas, horrible unsolved murders, the U.S. is under occupation and free speech is a thing of the past. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

09-19
02:00:22

S1 Ep315: Montel, I'm Mad At You

Don’t waste your bangs, escape rooms are fun, always shop with a list and cries without tears are a tell. Did we love a fraud? Men need to step it up, kids need grit and Crystal is losing her mind. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

08-28
01:43:20

S1 Ep313: You Better Run

Happy Anniversary, Mexico was eventful, Crystal is not a traveler and Peez is a sour patch kid. Pat doesn’t own a mop, school is starting, no toilet services, and no more missionaries. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

08-15
02:38:09

S1 Ep312: Elizabeth?

Back on black cohosh, we have a new baby, this weekend was scary and we need a carpenter. Childhood photos, cannibal sandwiches, humans are still a disappointment and protect the geniuses. For bonus episodes, early releases and live streams join Patreon!Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe and watch on YouTube!https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunctionFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafriaInstagram.com/crystaldamato21Submit your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 

07-31
01:42:20

Angelica Burgos

nail tech info please

11-08 Reply

Jessica Williams

The best podcast. I feel like I am with best friends listening to you both. Thank you for all the honesty and of course laughs!

10-03 Reply

Vanessa Sousa

😍😍

09-25 Reply

Bri S

P.s. thanks for the asmr moments, y’all even smack when y’all talk it’s perfect. Don’t change💕

06-20 Reply

Bri S

Patafriaaaaa! *italian voice* I used to listen to the ask patafria call and I loveeeee this hello dysfucntion podcast I listen to it while I’m driving to and from work. No shade to the ask patafria show but you and your best friend are SUCH better podcasts counterparts. Hello dysfunction is way more fluid and y’all are filthy like me I swear the humor and just inappropriate filth is my type of comedy. I be dying laughing it reminds me of a SNL skit y’all are just so raw. “Pat and Barbs” that’s how I introduce y’all to my friends lol

06-20 Reply

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