Holding the Fort Abroad

Synopsis:Margaret Ghielmetti knows what it is like to be home alone when she thought she was moving abroad with her husband and not moving abroad waiting for her husband to come home. She talks about her journey from thinking she would be fine to the reality she encountered to finally being open about needing help and creating a life for herself on her own terms.In this Episode:  The metaphorical life handbook we receive from our families.Why Margaret was surprised by the effect of her husband’s travelling although she (thought she) knew what she had signed up for.Supporting each other when not in the same place. Expressing your needs.Sharing the blessing of allowing others to help us.Stop saying ‘I’m fine’.Deciding non-negotiables for you! Keeping soft boundaries.Casting a wide net.Feeling lonely when you feel you should be feeling lucky.Resources Mentioned in the Podcast:     Brene Brown/The Anatomy of TrustGuidebook ‘Asking for help’ Contact Margaret:‘Bravi(ish): A Memoir of a Recovering Perfectionist’www.margaretghielmetti.com

SynopsisIn this episode I talk about what you can expect from this podcast and why I am doing it. Extract from the book Holding the Fort Abroad: “Holding the fort, or, in American English, holding down the fort, is an expression that means taking care of things during someone’s absence. In March 2019, as my husband prepared to live in Afghanistan for two years while I stayed in Switzerland, I realised that he has travelled for work throughout our 15-year marriage, albeit not eight weeks at a time, as we were then planning. It would be fair to say I took care of home, family and my own projects while he was away. There have been times when I arrived with our two boys at the location of my husband’s new posting and he was already off on a work trip. In the meantime, I found a home, transitioned the children into a new school and settled in. Or the other way around: he went on to his new job while I sold the house, organised the goodbyes and shipped us all off to our new destination. Over the years, I have had conversations with fellow globally mobile families about the fact that often, a big part of a posting includes work travel. Frequent business travel is mentioned, along with loss of social network, loneliness and resentment as typical stresses of expatriation on the Accompanying Partner. But its impact is rarely looked at separately. It is high time we start talking, in its own right, about life abroad with a travelling partner.”Resources mentioned in the showHolding the Fort Abroad - BookFollow Rhoda at:InstagramSolo parenting expat mums - Facebook groupLinkedIn

Synopsis:Helen is NOT an expat, she is the mother of expats, a long distance grandparent and the author of a series of books on distance relationships between grandparents, distance sons and daughters and distance grandchildren. One of Helen’s children was an expat with a travelling partner. This episode is a conversation being a distance grandparent when your expat child is solo parenting.In This Episode:The importance of generations understanding each other in distance familiesBeing available but keeping boundariesDistance Parents/in Laws are all different ! Advice for Distance Parents How a Distance Child can use this advice to ask their parents/in laws for helpWhat if you have a difficult relationship with Parents/In Laws ?Resource Mentioned in the Episode:Being a Distance Grandparent by Helen Ellis5 Love Languages by Gary ChapmanIt's All About Relationships by Karen L Rancourt

Synopsis:Claire Hauxwell is a professional badass (accompanying supportive spouse), writer, and coach. A trained Supply Chain professional and ex-spreadsheet lover, she now puts her Type A personality to work by deconstructing the nuances of expat life. With more than a decade of global living experience, Claire shares her wisdom on the blog – My Theory On Blooming, and coaches female expat accompanying spouses to create fulfilling and intentional lives abroad. If she’s not roaming the aisles of the grocery store or meandering the forest with her dogs, you’ll find her sweating it out at CrossFit or having cocktails with friends. Claire and her family currently live in Switzerland, but return to the shores of Muskegon, Michigan every summer for a taste of home. On this podcast she shares her expat story through the lens of life with a partner who travels for work. In this Episode:    Claire begins her story as an accompanying spouse with a newborn and a toddler in a new city with a husband gone for work most of the time. Missing birthdays and big dates(stay tuned, this comes up again at 30)The importance of organising help with childcare. Transitions when your partner comes home from a trip.Keeping your partner in the loop when they are awayWhat Claire would say to a new mum, in a new place, with a partner who travels. Mentioned in this Episode: Guidebook ‘Asking for help’

Synopsis:Robert has many different skills, he’s been in the military, he’s been a teacher, he is trained as an engineer and he is the dad of two wonderful girls. He gives us his perspective as a Holding the Fort Dad and gives some fantastic tips on parenting too !In This Episode:      Robert’s life before becoming a Holding the Fort DadBeing the only dad in Mother & Toddler groupsStagging on & Staffing off: the importance of getting rest. The value of retrainingTop tips on having a female au pair when mum is the one travellingBatch cookingTaking care of an elderly parent as wellAdvice to dads whose partner is about to be away a lot for workThe importance of having other adult contactResources:www.mumsnet.com - a wonderful resource for getting answers to questionsDyscalculia

SynopsisVivian is the founder of Expat Nest, an online counselling service for internationals. She is a registered psychologist with Master’s degrees in both Child & Adolescent Psychology and Health Psychology. She was recognised in 2020 as one of the 100 most influential women in the world by Women appreciating Women. She is bicultural with family all over the world, Vivian is familiar with the international community and inspired by its diversity. In this episodeVivian’s goal - providing an empathetic and comforting environment in which expats feel heard and understood and helping deal with the challenges of expat life. Multi-lingual and expat specialised: how and why Expat Nest works. Difficulties that Vivian often sees with people living in split locations. Vivian’s top tips for couples and families living in split locations.Why get in touch with a therapist?Vivian’s top recommended resources.Resources Mentioned‘Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds’ book by David C. Pollock & Ruth E. van RekenFamilies In Global Transition ‘Belonging Everywhere and Nowhere’ book by Lois J. Bushong‘Holding The Fort Abroad’ book by Rhoda Bangerter ‘Solo Parenting Expat Mums’ Facebook groupThe Tandem Nomad Podcast by Amel Derragui'In Transit’ (formerly Expat Happy Hour) podcast with Sundae Bean Contact VivianExpat Nest

SynopsisSharoya Ham is a behaviour change specialist and founder of Embrace Behavior Change. She is also a licensed teacher with over 25 years of experience working with at-risk students and their families. Her favourite career, however, was as a stay-at-home mom. She attributes her three amazing sons who are now 18, 20, and 23 for teaching her endless lessons about parenting. Sharoya is an American who hails from the state of New Jersey. Over the past 15 years, she and her husband and their three sons have lived in six African countries. Sharoya’s husband travelled a lot over the years so she knows what it is like to be home alone with the children.In this Episode:Sharoya’s general approach: working with parents at their wit’s end when nothing works to see relationships transform.Acknowledging what is going right and creating a vision.Embracing your own behaviour changes. Building what we want to see in our children in five/ten years from now. The difference between a compliment and building confidence. Focusing on positive behavioursSharoya’s personal journeyRecognising it is a lot! We keep asking our bodies and emotions more than they can handle. What dads say about parenting How we can invite our travelling partners to parent.Resources mentioned in the Episode:1.    Personal permission card set "I give myself permission to ..." 2.    Marco Polo appContact SharoyaWebsite: Embrace Behavior ChangeFacebook: Embrace Behavior ChangeInstagram: parentcoachsharoyaTwitter: Sharoya Ham

SynopsisKerry is a researcher, collaborator and entrepreneur in aging, care and connection. She is the Founder of The Long Distance Grandparent, a mission driven business, helping grandparents build strong bonds with their grandchildren – no matter the distance between.In this Episode The Long Distance Grandparent Society (1:10)Nurturing the relationship: similarities in maintaining connection between grandparents and grandkids and maintaining connection with travelling parents & their children (6:30)The Five Pillars to Connection (11:40)The importance of having a vision for the relationship (11:50)The Connection Loop (30:37)Starting early (39:11)Grief (40:20)Spontaneity(42:09)Two of Kerry’s favourite resources for parenting (44:34)Resources mentioned in the episodePeaceful Parenting Raising Adventurous EatersPeekabondContact Kerrywww.thelongdistancegrandparent.comKerry has a lot of different blogs on connecting, various topics, inspiration and ideas for staying connected. She sends out a weekly email with those kinds of tips. and you can find out more about the membership at that website as well.

SynopsisFor many years, Matthijs de Rave worked as Sales Director for well known, worldwide insurance companies and was also an author of children’s books. One day, he had an airplane epiphany and founded Expat Valley. I talk to him about being the first Ombudsman for International Children, and what it was like being an travelling dad.In this EpisodeWhat is an Ombudsman for International Children, what Matthijs does and who are international children. (1:19)His personal experience of travelling a lot for work and being a dad. (5:59)The impact on his children. (6:51)His airplane epiphany. (8:11)The Trip Kit.(11:25)Phone calls home (20:41)What Matthijs would say to someone who is just starting to travel a lot for work. (21:55).The importance of hearing other people’s stories around business travel and being more open about talking about it. (26:16)Matthijs’ favourite resources for life and parenting. (35:22)Resources mentioned in the episodeThe Biggest Little Farm Contact Matthijs de RaveExpat ValleyLinkedIn

SynopsisShellee Burroughs is a UK Registered Art Therapist. She has 10+ years’ experience counselling within the education sector, specialising in trauma and sexual abuse therapy.She is an experienced child and adolescent counsellor using a range of approaches from Creative Arts and Play/Sand Tray Therapy, Child Accelerated Trauma Therapy, Narrative Therapy, and Strengths Based Psychology. She also knows all about Third Culture Kids! In this EpisodeShellee’s personal and professional story. Her main takeaways of living split location during Covid with teens I ask Shellee if she sees any benefits to this life What would say to a family who is about to live it or who is living? With teens? How art therapy can help us with this lifestyle' (even for non-artists).Shellee shares about her post it notes.A favourite resourceResources Mentioned in EpisodeThe Emotions’ Wheel Good for when you're struggling to name how you feel.Families in Global Transition Contact Shellee BurroughsInstagramWebsite Email  

Synopsis:International adoptee, born in Sri Lanka and holder of a French passport, Florence Chabert d’Hieres specialises in cross-cultural training and coaching from 6 years old kids to top management.In 2009, she created Coach4expat. She is the author of “I'm a citizen of the world” for parents and children to help them succeed in their expat adventure. During the pandemic, she created Expat Village an online village, allowing a one stop shop for the personal and professional needs for expats and their families.In This Episode:More about Expat Village and Florence’s workHow she has experienced having a partner who is away a lot for work.What Florence would say to families with little children/older children? What she has found works for this type of lifestyle.Brain Gym and how it has helped Florence and her family (specifically with being away from each other)Apart from Brain Gym, Florence shares a life/parenting resource that she has found really helpfulMentioned in the Episode:Brain GymExpat VillageContact Florence:Coach4Expat

SynopsisIn this episode, I share a little about my burnout in January 2021, the panic attacks I experienced and the exhaustion that set in after a series of difficult situations accumulated. I share how I recovered and the lessons learned from that incredibly difficult time. If you feel that you have been stressed for a long time, this might be worth a listen. If you are experiencing panic attacks, stop listening if it is triggering for you. In these shownotes are the techniques and tools that helped me. I am so grateful that during that time I had access to emotional and practical help from professionals and from family and friends. In this EpisodeWhat happened that led to burnout Lessons learnedBring your stress levels as low down as possible as often as possibleCheck your hormone levelsCheck your vitamin and mineral levels (low B12 & Low Magnesium) Self-havening, Progressive Muscle Relaxation to relaxTime your panic attackResources Mentioned in the EpisodeSelf havening Dr Caroline Leaf Spikey ballProgressive Muscle Therapy Vivian Chiona at Expat NestContact Rhodarhoda@amulticulturallife.com       www.amulticulturallife.com to sign up for newsletter

Synopsis:Dr Neeta is a US licensed psychologist living, practicing, and consulting internationally. Her online private practice includes therapy and coaching services for expats, first gens, interculturalists, digital nomads, diplomats, humanitarian workers, military veterans, third culture kids, and globally mobile folx. Her approach is integrative and humanistic, with a focus on solutions for growth and holistic wellness. In This Episode:Emotional numbing and the wall between the partner who was away and the rest of the family. No place for stoicism!An invitation to doing deeper inner workThe flip side of being strongHonoring the family systemThe importance of experimentingA bubble bath a day is not going to take away the lonelinessGetting out of your headPreparing for a split locationRecommended resourcesResources mentioned in the episode:Hold me Tight book by Dr Sue Johnson Self Compassion - website for Dr. Kristin NeffContact Dr Neeta:Website

Synopsis:Today my guest is Bruna Toubia. She is multicultural, multilingual. She has lived in Europe, the Middle East and Asia. And she is trained in  impressive array of holistic, process-orientated and goal-orientated methods. First she is going introduce systemic constellations and then she will help us see how they can be a powerful tool in situations where you are geographically separated from your spouse. In this Episode: Bruna explains constellations. How can constellations help for someone who has a partner who is often absent with some examples of scenarios. How constellations can help decide on a posting away from the family or help when time apart Can a parent use it if there is a situation with a child? How can someone set up a constellation with BrunaBruna shares with us a life or parenting resourceResources mentioned in the episode:Book - Love’s Hidden Symmetry: What Makes Love Work in Relationships? by Bert HellingerContact Bruna:WebsiteEmailTel Number: +41 76 406 53 55

Synopsis:Today my guest is Richelle Futch. Richelle has built and scaled multiple ventures across technology, education, nonprofit and service based industries. She is a sponsorship specialist, an author, a public speaker and a trainer. Richelle is a former Marine, current military spouse and advocate for military employment, preventative mental health care and reform. She has worked with congress members on policy reform and has been invited to the White House on behalf of her work and advocacy efforts.Together we explore some of the similarities between a military family and a family where a partner is a humanitarian for example. We touch on the aspect of calling, or vocation which means physical separation from spouse and children. Non-Military families can learn from what helps military families succeed. In this Episode:Richelle explains why she wrote her post (which later went viral) She shares challenges military families experience.What Richelle thinks military families need to succeed.Richelle gives us what she has learned in her solo parenting journey.What Richelle would say to the family of a humanitarian going to a country at war for example.Resources mentioned in the episodeBerry's acculturation model (see example here)Dialectical Behavior Therapy (see explanation here)www.herruck.com Contact RichelleLinkedInRichelle’s LinkedIn Post: Full Text – Posted on 16 August 2022 "This past week I've been seeing some harsh posts in some social media groups about military spouses.I have seen quite a few folks completely obliterate military spouses for identifying as military spouses. Saying "You don't serve." Or ask, "Why do you put that on your profile or resume?" Followed by hurtful bashing remarks disguised as humor.Just some insight from my experience as both a veteran and military spouse...When I say my spouse is active duty, I am not trying to say his accomplishments are mine. Not at all. What I am conveying is, as the spouse of someone who has been to war... multiple times, has a high optempo job, is dealing with a lot of stuff they can't always control or discuss, and is gone... a lot, I am impacted by this and it requires me to pivot my plans last minute, solo parent for months at a time, adjust, re-adjust, be emotionally intelligent, maintain my interests/career/friends/boundaries/ all knowing that the needs of the military comes first ...so, my plans while good in theory really are never completely solid. That is quite a mouthful, so it is easier to say I'm a military spouse and hope that the person receiving that understands 'Oh there are outside factors impacting their life that are different (or the same) as mine'. There is transparency in that statement. It means my family belongs to a culture you may or may not understand. My point is, identifying as a military spouse is not stolen valor.That is all :)Richelle Futch, LICSW• 1st Entrepreneur & Founder: Sponsorship Specialist. Veteran. Mental Health Counselor. Trainer

Synopsis:Becky Grappo is an educational consultant. She works with families throughout the United States and around the world on planning their children's education. Her husband was a career foreign service officer for 27 years in the US Diplomatic Service. During that time and with three young children at home, she went back to school and got her graduate degree in education. She taught in several international schools before going back to the US and working in a US public school. Then she worked at the State department helping to guide foreign service families as they were planning the education for their children. Throughout her husband's career, they faced several unaccompanied tours.In This Episode:What Becky does for work nowA new baby (not what you think!) during an unaccompanied tourWhat couples need to have in place before being geographically separatedYou are not the only family living apart in your organisation. Is there any way of getting together? Can you ask your partner’s organisation for support as a group?Resources Mentioned in this Episode:Monday Morning Emails - Book by Terry Anne Wilson & Jo Parfitt Standardized Regulations (DSSR) - Department of State Contact Becky:Email

Synopsis:Wiebke Anton is a relationship coach for people living abroad. In this episode, we talk about being a couple who moves and how we can prioritise our relationship.In This Episode:Typical scenarios that Wiebke sees in her work with couples who move abroadWhat Wiebke focuses on during relationship care sessions, exercises that she uses, and how these apply to couples who are geographically separatedSome advice and fun ideas for keeping romance alive even when geographically separated, and how to have stress reducing conversations with your partner.How to navigate phases of being reunited, when the travelling partner returns home, and examples of questions to ask each other.The balance between sharing with your partner and keeping the relationship as carefree as possible. For example: am I using my partner's absence as an emotional blackmail or weapon in our arguments? How do I address negative feelings in an appropriate manner?Resources mentioned in the episode:Kate Galloway podcast with Wiebke Anton The BeReal app. Paula Hall books: https://www.paulahall.co.uk/books/ How to Express Intense Emotions in a Healthy Way – Dr. Leaf (drleaf.com)Wiebke's questions: for returning home:When I come home or when you come home, what is your best way to unwind yourself from the journey and from the scenery change?Do you need some buffer time and do you need, for instance, the first evening for yourself?Do I want to be picked up from the airport? Yes or no?Is it important for me that the house is cleaned, yes or no?Do you want to cook? Shall we cook together? Do you want to come home and everything is prepared?Contact Wiebke:Website Instagram (@wiebke.help4love)LinkedIn 

Synopsis:Today my guest is Arlette Chatlein. She is no stranger to living far from her partner. Born in Curaçao, Arlette moved to The Netherlands when she was 19 years old to study Economics at the University of Rotterdam. Little did she know that it would only be her first move. Her and her husband have lived apart at three different times. Listen to her share what they have learned.In This Episode:Her three different experiencesWhat they have learnedWhat have you put in place, maybe even subconsciously that makes it work? Do you think it's mindset? Do you think this life is for anyone or does it take a special kind of person? Resources Mentioned in This Episode:Tips on reaching out to people in a new context (see Arlette’s website) Contact Arlette:WebsiteFaceBookInstagram

Synopsis:In this episode I share my acronym GREAT which helps to remember the five strategies to make business travel work for you and your family. Whether your partner is gone Monday to Friday, or months at a time. Resources Mentioned in this Episode:Workbook - How to ask for help and get the help you need. Take the time out to figure out:what stops you from asking for helpwhat help you needwho to ask Contact Rhodawww.amulticulturallife.comSign up for my newsletter for information on upcoming events and new resources.

Synopsis:Today my guest is Colleen Higgs. She and her husband have five children. As a professional turned mum, she knows what it is like to be frustrating when parenting is efficient! In her blog Unpacking Parenting, she challenges us to stop using measures used for efficiency and look at parenting in a completely different way. Colleen also knows what it is like to live abroad and have a travelling partner. She is just about to finish a solo-parenting stint of two years. She shares with us some of her insights on this life and what has helped her. In This Episode:Applying (or not) to parenting the principles we learn in our professional life.Transition timesDon’t compare How does living in your season look likeSome practical tipsSign up to Colleen's Newsletter:www.unpackingparenting.com